Latest / Harder Than Life / Your Morning Routine Was Already Broken Before You Even Woke Up | Kelly Siegel

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Your Morning Routine Was Already Broken Before You Even Woke Up | Kelly Siegel · Harder Than Life

• 0:01
  Now at Lowe's, faster quotes start at the Lowe's Pro Desk. Got a material list handwritten on a sticky note or saved us a photo? Perfect. Bring it to us and get a quote in minutes. And if you don't see what you need on the shelf, we'll help you get it. You can access thousands of products beyond what's available in-store or on lowes.com right from the Lowe's Pro Desk. Build quotes faster and source the materials you need to keep your jobs moving. Just like that at Lowe's.
• 0:30
  Your mind won't shut off because you never told it to. Dumping an adrenaline and unresolved conflict into your nervous system before bed is not rest.
• 0:41
  It's torture in a pillow and it just literally cannot continue. It cannot happen week after week after week. Raising the standard doesn't start at sunrise. It starts when you refuse to allow garbage into your mind the night before. Set a hard bedtime stop and treat it like a work commitment, not a goal, not an intention. It's non-negotiable.
• 1:09
  You're literally training your nervous system to downshift into that sleep mode. Repetition is the system. Your bedtime deserves respect. Let's change it tonight. Not tomorrow, tonight.
• 1:25
  Those of you that are watching and you tune in every single week, please smash that subscribe button. We are focused on growing that for you to get bigger and better guests. I appreciate it. It means the world to me and our team breathing into you. If you're watching this on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify, subscribe on that platform. You want to know why you're waking up behind? It's not your morning routine.
• 1:55
  It's what you allowed the night before. Hopefully that landed really well. We've all watched 150,000 videos of 5 a.m. routines, cold plunges, journaling at sunrise, meditation. The perfect morning routine isn't where it's at. What we're going to talk about today is what nobody talks about, which is what
• 2:21
  you did the night before at 10 p.m. that made waking up all possible. So if you want to wake up, recharge, charge pound out of bed, this is the episode for you. Welcome to the Harder Life podcast. I'm your host, Kelly Siegel. And if you're new to this, I'm going to give you the problem, give you the solution, and give you a challenge. So let's get into it.
• 2:47
  Let me tell you about it, what a bad night looks for me, because it still happens. Drives me insane, but I'm going to share it with you. As you loyal listeners know, my girlfriend Brittany and I do a long distance thing. She is two time zones behind or two hours behind, runs her own company,
• 3:07
  So she's winding up as I'm winding down and she wants to process her day and she wants my feedback, my input, and I give it to her. And then as we all do, they push back because they know better. And as you know, anybody that knows me, I literally get frustrated and,
• 3:32
  Instead of going to bed after that, I'm all in my head. Because everything I do, I pay it forward to all you guys. And when I'm doing this, I think, how could I have given that advice or held that space better so it landed?
• 3:54
  Honey, I love you, but you are my greatest challenge. So yes, Brittany gives me the portal of what I need to work on. So here I am sitting in bed, not sleeping. And I keep processing. It feels a lot like, you know, you've ever had your computer freeze up
• 4:13
  and you get control, alt, delete, and you look at the task list, and there's one weird program that's just using 98% of your capacity, and you have to end that, and you don't even know what it is. That's how I feel. But in this case, this particular instance, I know exactly what is going on in my head, and it's, how could I have done that better? I am always alerted all, and I wanna get better. So here I am, stewing, and
• 4:40
  If you follow me or if you're not new to me, I wake up at 3.59. Why 3.59? Because I just want to be one minute before everybody else. And if I don't sleep, if I'm not lights out snoozing by 9.00 p.m., that 3.59 wake up call comes quick. So those, I try to get seven hours of sleep. And if that's exactly seven hours and I –
• 5:07
  Every once in a while this happens. So I wake up and I'm not rested. And then when I wake up to someone who never left the conversation. So then a lot of times I'll even do the second Cardinal sin, which I'm going to go over with you guys, is grabbing my phone. And then there's usually a text from Brittany, who is so kind to me, usually admitting her mistake, which I've been admitting my mistake. That's a podcast for another day.
• 5:37
  So this is the cost, is I don't sleep well. And I get my butt to the gym right off the bat. And when I wake up and I'm not rested, it's like I'm staring my day off behind. And it's not what I want to do. So here's the contrast to that, what a good night will look like for me. It's dinner with my daughter. A real conversation, being present. And newsflash for you guys, it's usually...
• 6:08
  Usually I end up trying to solve her problems too, but in this case, I listen, hold space. Pro tip, if you're a man and you're listening to this, young men, which I'm noticing you 15 to 35 year olds, really 15 to 25 year olds are really following us. And I, the number one thing is to just listen, just listen. Don't try to solve,
• 6:34
  We're men, we try to solve, but again, it's dinner with the family, a real conversation. Be present, enjoy your food, take your time to chew, together time, TV, possibly with Ariana, she and I will sit down and watch a program. If it's nice out, we'll go for a walk, just whatever it is to just be easy. And then usually we sit down and we either read together or she reads in her room and I read. Sometimes it's a journal.
• 7:01
  If I have something really on my mind, that's a pro tip. Just journal to get it out of your mind. And then if it's really, really rolling and maybe my day was stressful, I will do a nighttime meditation. But here's the most important thing. No screens. Nothing serious, nothing deep. Because your mind will keep festering on it. So a gentle wind down.
• 7:31
  From what is most certainly been a full day. If you listen to this podcast, you are a go getter. You are an alpha and you more than likely like Brittany and like me have run full throttle from the second year you woke up till the second you try to go to bed and you have got to shut that mind off. Totally. Totally.
• 7:52
  So when the alarm clock wakes up, you're ready, you recharge, you're locked in, and you're super stoked and excited for your day. That's what a good night looks for me. I'm the same man, different night, completely different outcome, rested, recharged. And I can guarantee you, everybody who interacts with me the next day after a good night,
• 8:14
  enjoys it. Come to me where I'm not rested, I'll be irritable, it almost feels like I drank. So this is very sacred to me. Guys, if you're listening to this and driving, this is the core lesson I want you to take away. Your morning doesn't start when your alarm goes off. It starts the night before, the setup. Sleep is not rest unless you've earned it.
• 8:41
  Dumping an adrenaline and unresolved conflict into your nervous system before bed is not rest. It's torture in a pillow and it just literally cannot continue. It cannot happen week after week after week.
• 8:57
  Your mind won't shut off because you never told it to. You didn't start the process. It's not a personality trait. It's a lack of structure. And the structure I'm going to teach you. So stay with me. I've also heard this a lot of times. I have kids. I got a wife. It's impossible. That's why I have a drink to just find. That has absolutely no alcohol. That crushes sleep. So,
• 9:25
  These are all excuses, they're valid reasons, but they're still excuses and they're not acceptors. So let's get structure that will work for your children, for your significant other, because the reciprocal is chaos doesn't protect them, it models it for them and you will just pay it forward. So the night routine is the most underrated discipline tool you'll ever use.
• 9:52
  The morning gets all the glory, all the hype morning routines. But at night is when you do all the work. Believe me, I've messed this up 16 ways from Sunday. And y'all know me, I don't negotiate with myself. So you cannot negotiate with a tired brain. Every hard decision, every weak moment, every emotional reaction you regret, trace it back.
• 10:18
  Bet there's a bad night's sleep behind it. I just said that. It's usually something you did the night before that manifests itself out in an attack, in an outburst, in you not being your best. So as I told you,
• 10:38
  I don't give you the problem and don't give you a solution. So there's the problem. Kelly, I don't wake up rested. What can I do? I've tried all these damn morning routines and they're not working. So here you go. And these are things I want you to start. They're concrete and you can start them tonight. What this actually looks like, it's not an aspirational version. It's a version that I want you to start tonight. And it is a version I use every single night. Set a hard bedtime.
• 11:06
  and treat it like a work commitment. Not a goal, not an intention, it's non-negotiable. If you have to be at work at 8 a.m., you show up on time. You better show up a couple minutes early because on time is late, that's for another one. Your bedtime deserves the same respect. So, 8.30, guys, I'm in bed.
• 11:27
  every night, non-negotiable. 8.30 is even on the weekends, if I'm not out having dinner. Even if I do go out and have dinner, 10 o'clock is as late. But 8.30, I'm winding down and getting to bed. But there's more. So 8.30, you guys set a time. Most people who don't get up at 3.59 could probably go to bed at 9.30, 10 o'clock. But every single night,
• 11:53
  set a bedtime and stick to it. It should be the same bedtime. So for most common people, most of the rest of you that are not insane like me, uncommon, I like to call it not insane, early bird gets the worm, is let's say 9.30. You late owls, man, come on now. If you're not getting those seven hours of sleep,
• 12:16
  back into the night before. So one hour before bed, I want the phone to be on a charger in another room. This single action is literally the standard, the boundary. Most of you say, I can't, I've done it.
• 12:33
  Now at Lowe's, faster quotes start at the Lowe's Pro Desk. Got a material list handwritten on a sticky note or saved as a photo? Perfect. Bring it to us and get a quote in minutes. And if you don't see what you need on the shelf, we'll help you get it. You can access thousands of products beyond what's available in-store or on Lowe's.com right from the Lowe's Pro Desk. Build quotes faster and source the materials you need to keep your jobs moving. Just like that at Lowe's.
• 13:03
  Literally because the nights that I don't have my daughter, I feel like, oh my God, I got to have my phone in my room in case she needs me. She's 17 years old. You know how many times she's calling me in the middle of the night? Zero.
• 13:16
  Guys, it's an excuse. It's a crutch. Put it in the other room on a charger, not face down, not on silent, in another room. Everything you think that's urgent at 9 p.m. will still be there for you tomorrow, and you'll handle it better rested. Another thing about this, by putting it in another room, is you're not liable to pick it up.
• 13:38
  Like if you happen to wake up in the middle of night, like for me, I go pee a lot. I don't wanna look at it and get my brain turned on immediately. That blue light immediately turns me on. So again, number one, set a hard bedtime, same time every single night. One hour before bed, put your phone in another room. Number three,
• 13:59
  no serious conversations the final hour so if you're going to bed like me at 8 30 nothing before 7 30 to 8 30 is your is your wind down time if it's 9 30 your bedtime then it's 8 30 wind down time every tell your people bring everything to you before that it's not about avoiding your partner or your kids it's about choosing you first
• 14:24
  And believe me, you will thank me for this. And so will the people that you're saying no to. They'll appreciate the recharged and happy version of you the next day. If they want to have that conversation, say, would it be okay if we pick this up tomorrow morning? Set a time and actually commit to that time. They'll trust you for it.
• 14:49
  This is about protecting your nervous system so you can actually show up for them tomorrow. This is a big, big thing.
• 14:55
  hard conversations at 9 p.m. are almost never solved by 9, 10. And even if they do go quick, your head's gonna be spiraling up. They're just getting started. So it can wait, and it's the most kind thing you can do for yourself. Number four, fill the hour with something that signals safe, family time, a walk. Mostly what I like doing is I read. And if you're like me,
• 15:25
  Reading makes me tired. And then meditation. And if there's anything, again, those light journaling, if it's something's really steaming in your mind, you're literally training your nervous system to downshift into that sleep mode.
• 15:41
  Repetition is the system. Do it every night and your body learns the cue. Right around 7.30, man, I start yawning. And if I'm not in bed by 8.30, I'm like really yawning. My body is very, very in tune with this.
• 15:58
  Fifth and final step, simple and easy. Protect that hour like you protect your revenue, like you protect your peace, like you protect your body, or like you would protect your family because that's what you're doing. You wouldn't let someone walk into your business or your home and set it on fire an hour before close or before anything. Don't let unstructured chaos do that to your mind before you sleep. So let's run over those one more time. Hard bedtime. Hard.
• 16:29
  One hour before bed, put your phone away. No serious conversations in that hour. Fill that hour with something that actually signals your brain that it's safe to shut down and protect that hour like it is your family because it is. That's it. Five easy steps, guys. All right, I'm going to ask you something and I want you to actually sit with this one. This is a good one. What does your last hour look like last night?
• 16:59
  And then I want you to absolutely adopt what I just gave you for tonight. Did last night build you up for today? If not, let's change it tonight. Not tomorrow, tonight. Adopt those five basic principles. Because discipline isn't just what you do when you wake up. It's the standards and boundaries and actions that you take every single day.
• 17:26
  It's what you protect before you close your eyes. My friends, the floor is simple. The boundary is simple phone. Another room, hard bedtime, stop one hour wind down before you actually own. That's it. That's where it starts. Not the 5am alarm, not the cold shower, not the cold plunge, not the walk on the beach. This tonight, one hour, do it for 30 days.
• 17:55
  And tell me your mornings don't change. Tell me your entire day doesn't change, that you feel rested and recharged. Raising the standard doesn't start at sunrise. It starts when you refuse to allow garbage into your mind the night before. All right.
• 18:14
  This is Harder Than Life. I'll see you at 359 a.m. Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit trustntm.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.