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Donald Drumpf Theatre: The Billionaires Cabinet or I Think I'm Going to Hate It Here · Donald Drumpf Theatre radio show

• 0:10
  SPEAKER_03: It's time again for Donald Drunk Theater No one knows what is up or down Jack or
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_03: why Legal or impeachable Everything is make-believe in Donald Drunk Theater So
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_03: let's pull the curtain back We are controlling transmission If we wish to make it
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_03: louder
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_03: We will bring up the body.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_03: We can change the focus to a soft blur.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_03: You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_03: You've just crossed over into...
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: I hear it's fake news, but maybe it is, maybe it isn't.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's fake news, okay?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_03: Now, would I do that?
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_03: The president of the United States has the authority to do what the president has the authority to do.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I have to play myself as king.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_03: I learned a lot from Richard Nixon.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_03: When the president does it, that means that it is not illegal.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_03: I could cause panic much better than even you.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_03: I could do much.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_03: I would make you look like a minor league player.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_03: So, Professor, would you say it's time for everyone to panic?
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, I would, Kent.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the resistance.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_03: I promise you for the remainder of the next four years.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_03: I will only speak to you in this tone of voice.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_03: Once again, lots of crazy is happening.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_03: This is just how it's gonna be from now on.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_03: Every day, I'm gonna come out here like a waiter at a restaurant that has way too many specials.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_03: Tonight, we have drones in New Jersey.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_03: RFK Jr.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_03: revoking the polio vaccine.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_03: Trump running for a third term.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_03: Trump admitting he lied about grocery prices.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_03: Pete Hegseth promising to stop getting faced and a sandwich special.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, what's on the sandwich special?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_03: Let me ask the chef.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_03: What's on the sandwich special?
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: Bacon, lettuce, tomato.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome back to the program.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_03: Well, there's no way around it, folks.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_03: Trump's back.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_03: And if you think that's bad, you should see his front.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_03: Shit.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_03: I must say, I never thought you'd pull it off.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_03: But it turned out that I was right.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_03: I was talking about your wig.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_03: Now,
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_03: word on the street is that you are coming back with a vengeance and that you've got
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_03: an enemies list a mile long.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, I do.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not on it, right?
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_03: Because, you know, this is all just a shtick.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_03: But seriously, we're cool, right?
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_03: Look, our country is a mess.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_03: Americans are concerned about your latest administration picks.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, Dr. Oz, Pete Hegseth.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_03: He's great.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_03: Ursula the Sea Witch, Ronald McDonald.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_03: From the makers of Guess Who comes Milton Bradley's newest guessing game, Guess Who Trump Appointed.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_03: Can you guess who Trump appointed?
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_03: Try not to feel so disappointed.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_03: Had your person ever shot her puppy in a gravel pit?
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_03: That bitch had it coming.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_03: Is your person a TV doctor who promotes shady weight loss supplements?
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_03: Sorry.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_03: I was friends with Oprah.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_03: Does your person have a worm in his brain?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-uh.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_03: Wanna see me do some push-ups in my jeans?
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: Is your person a woman of color?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Uh... Just kidding.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: Woman of color?
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_03: Is your person a billionaire who jumps around like a dip?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_03: Are you Elon Musk?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_03: Bingo.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_03: Elon!
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: Elon!
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_03: Elon!
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_03: Who gives about the board scheme stuff?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_03: He's made a lot of crazy picks.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_03: It's a big, lit bag of this.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_03: Can you guess who Trump appointed?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_03: Guess who Trump appointed from the makers of brutal operation, the radical lunatic sex change game.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_03: Available at AutoZone.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_03: Trump has assembled the wealthiest cabinet of all time,
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_03: and the only people profiting from Trump's election so far are his rich buddies.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_02: President-elect Donald Trump assembling now what could be the wealthiest administration in history.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_03: The Trump cabinet will have more billionaires and centimillionaires than any in history.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_03: The billionaires on the official cabinet will have a combined net worth of over $13 billion.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: The fortunes of the 10 richest people in the world surged by a daily record
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: yesterday after Donald Trump won second term as president.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: According to the Bloomberg Billionaire Index,
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: the net worth of billionaires led by Tesla's Elon Musk surged by $63.5 billion.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_03: The rich are getting richer, or at least Elon Musk is.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_03: In fact, Bloomberg reports that Musk's net worth hit $400 billion.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_03: That's the first person ever to be that wealthy.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_03: What is this?
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, sir, this is the White House.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_03: What are we doing at the White House?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, wait a minute.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: You've been smarter than President Drumpf.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's how come he's making you Secretary of Interior.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so who are you?
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the Secretary of Energy.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_03: I won a contest, got to be a cabinet member.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_03: I'm the Secretary of State.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_03: Brought to you by Carl's Jr.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_03: Why do you keep saying that?
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_03: Because they pay me every time I do.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_03: It's a really good way to make money.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_03: The secretary of defense.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_03: And the fun bags over there is the attorney general.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_03: Hi.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the secretary of education.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_03: It's kind of stupid, but he's president.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_03: Drumpf!
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_03: That brother still does a pretty good job, eh?
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_03: Well,
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_03: since you are going to be here for a while,
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_03: I guess we'd best acquaint ourselves with a new team using a Broadway-style
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_03: production number and multiple costume changes.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_03: Now, your president is Donald J. Oh boy, a convicted felon?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_03: You gotta be kidding.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_03: Zeldin will keep your water clean.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_03: A climate denier heading the EPA.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: Cool.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: Health secretaries.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_03: RFA.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_03: The brain worm anti-vaxxer will all be dead by March.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_03: I think I'm gonna.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_03: Meet Shady Vance, the new Mike Pence.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_03: But what about our national intelligence?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_03: Tulsi will handle Vladimir.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_03: Oh good, a Russian asset.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_03: Was Ethel Rosenberg not available?
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_03: This Fox News host will run defense.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_03: I hear he's a misogynistic drunk, but just look at that smile.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_03: I think I'm gonna hate Eddie.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_03: See if we can get Lil Wayne for Attorney General.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_03: God bless President Trump.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_03: I'm very scared to be a queen All politics aside These hacks ain't qualified I know
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna hate it Our country is a crime pod
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_03: For FBI, we'll have Patel.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_03: The QAnon conspiracy theorist?
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_03: Great.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_03: While Mrs. Trump spreads Christmas cheer.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_03: You know, who gives a about the Christmas stuff?
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_03: Vivek and Musk will make life hell.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_03: Roseanne for press secretary?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_03: No, Hulk Hogan, I think.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_03: Mr. Hannibal Lecter is the new Secretary of Education.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_03: All hope and joy now doom and gloom.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_03: All hope and joy now doom and gloom.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_03: All checks and guardrails disappear.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_02: What about the sycophants?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_02: He only hires sycophants.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_03: No sane adults left in the room.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: The MyPillow guy, CIA director.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_03: Jeepers!
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_03: I know I'm gonna hate it here.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_03: Lift your chin.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_03: Don't give in to your stress and strife.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_03: Dry your tears.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_03: It's just four years.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_03: Fuck.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_03: Happy Holidays!
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_03: Tomorrow.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_03: Tomorrow.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_03: I love you.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_03: Tomorrow.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_03: Calm down.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_03: He brings us to Donald Trump, who got yet another early Christmas gift.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_03: He was named Time Magazine's Person of the Year.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_03: Look how happy he is.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_03: He looks like a make-a-wish kid who faked being sick until he got what he wanted.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_03: Before he was elected, he toured the country telling grandpa's unfolding chairs he was just like them.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_03: And as soon as he wins,
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_03: he's on a marble balcony on Wall Street,
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_03: rocking a bell like he just ate a 72-ounce steak in under an hour.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_03: That's the cover.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_03: Sadly, there's no one left to roll it up and spank him with it.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe Elon will do it for him.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_03: According to the Time website,
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_03: the person of the year is bestowed upon a person,
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_03: group,
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_03: or concept that had the biggest impact for good or for ill,
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_03: which that's him,
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_03: all right.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_03: It was a no-brainer in every sense of the word.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_03: Over the years, Trump has had many ups and downs when it comes to Time magazine.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_03: In 2013,
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_03: he wrote,
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_03: Time magazine list of the 100 most influential people is a joke and a stunt of a
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_03: magazine that will,
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_03: like Newsweek,
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_03: soon be dead.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_03: And just took a look at Time Magazine, looks really flimsy, like a free handout at the parking lot.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_03: The sad end is coming, just like Newsweek.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_03: But in 2015, when they put him on the cover, on the cover of Time Magazine, a great honor.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_03: And then they didn't make him Person of the Year that year.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_03: I told you Time Magazine would never pick me as Person of the Year.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_03: Despite being the big favorite, they picked Person who is ruining Germany.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_03: But then the next year,
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_03: thank you to Time Magazine and Financial Times for naming me Person of the Year,
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_03: a great honor.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_03: Sadly, the era of good feelings did not last.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_03: Time magazine called to say I was probably going to be named man person of the year
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_03: like last year,
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_03: but I would have to agree to an interview in a major photo shoot.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_03: I said probably is no good and took a pass.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks anyway.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_03: By the way, just to put Trump's Time cover in context, it's not exactly a mark of greatness.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_03: The president who currently holds the record for most Time magazine covers is a
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_03: universally beloved one like FDR or JFK or George Washington.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_03: Now, the record is actually held by a president that Trump is probably not hoping to emulate.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: If you've ever been in Donald Trump's office in Trump Tower,
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: you know that there are framed Time magazines on his wall.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: He, I mean, for someone, a creature of the 80s, it's like the ultimate honor.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely,
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_03: and I think he's really gunning for Richard Nixon's long-standing title of having
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_03: the most time covered.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: Perhaps gunning for Nixon's legacy in other ways as well.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: We shall see.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_03: We shall, of course.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_03: The difference is Nixon said all of his most incriminating on secret tapes,
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_03: whereas Trump says it into a microphone in front of cameras.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_03: And then this was today when Trump celebrated his person of the yearhood at the New York Stock Exchange.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_03: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_03: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_03: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_03: He jammed his little finger on that bell like it was the Diet Coke button in the Oval Office.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_03: That's how long my son would ring a bell.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_03: He's seven years old.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_03: Just a very stable, very even, some say stable genius of a man.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_03: Donald Trump is the person of the year.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_03: At this point, he's basically America's main character.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_03: And then since he was back in the Big Apple,
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_03: Trump treated a floor full of stockbrokers to the classic timeless story of the old
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_03: lady and the apples.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_03: People can't afford their groceries and they're going to be affording their groceries very soon.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_03: I tell the story about a woman who,
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_03: an old woman,
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_03: an old woman,
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_03: no money,
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_03: went to a grocery store,
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_03: had three apples.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_03: She put them down on the counter and she looked and she saw the price and she said, would you excuse me?
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_03: And she walked one of the apples back to the refrigerator and came back to pay for the two apples.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_03: And she left with two apples.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_03: And the woman at the counter said that was so sad.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_03: And when I heard about the story, I said, that should never happen in America.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_03: And it's not going to happen in America.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and it never happened in the first place in America.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_03: You know what doesn't happen in America?
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_03: Grocery stores don't keep the apples in a refrigerator.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_03: Story has more holes in it than the final season of Lost.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_03: Like...
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_03: Like, in your mind, who told you the story?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_03: The old woman or the woman at the counter?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_03: And by the way,
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_03: if the best case scenario is the old woman buys three apples,
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_03: then maybe you should tell Republicans to stop floating cuts to Social Security,
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_03: because if you do cut Social Security,
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_03: how are you gonna ever look this made-up old woman in the eye again?
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_03: She could be down to one apple!
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_03: But as you heard there,
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_03: Trump claims his election win is based entirely on bringing prices down,
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_03: a promise he made repeatedly throughout the campaign until he won and immediately
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_03: started backtracking.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_02: You are now proposing tariffs against the United States.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_02: Three biggest trading partners,
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_02: economists of all stripes,
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_02: say that ultimately consumers pay the price of tariffs.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_02: Can you guarantee American families won't pay more?
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_03: I can't guarantee anything.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_03: I can't guarantee tomorrow.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, what?
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_03: Then Trump backed away from his promise to lower prices again in his interview with
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_03: Time Magazine,
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_03: telling them,
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_03: quote,
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_03: it's hard to bring things down once they're up.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's very hard.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_03: me.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_03: I can't believe we really got to spend the next four years watching this idiot
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_03: relearn how hard it is to be president.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, man, we know it's hard.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_03: Everyone knows.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_03: Also, it's hard to bring things down once they're up.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_03: You sound like a spokesperson for Boeing.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_03: No one said solving inflation would be easy.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_03: No one that is but you.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_03: We've got to get those costs down, and I'm going to get them down.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_03: We're going to bring those costs way down.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_03: When I win, I will immediately bring prices down starting on day one.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_03: We have to get the prices down where bacon is up.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, bacon.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_03: We don't order bacon anymore.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_03: It's too expensive, right?
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_03: But it's all up too much and we're going to get it down.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_03: We're going to take care of inflation and quickly and we're going to get those
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_03: prices coming down very,
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_03: very substantially and very quickly.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_03: If I win, we will rapidly defeat inflation and I will make America affordable again.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_03: We're going to make it affordable.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_03: We got to bring those.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_03: They call it groceries.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_03: Bacon, lettuce, tomato.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, everything is so much higher than it ever was.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_03: And we're going to bring that down.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, man, we know what groceries are.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_03: We don't think you're in control of the situation because you can give us examples of food.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_03: Not only does he think he invented the word groceries,
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_03: he thinks he has to explain it to us like he's Oppenheimer explaining the A-bomb.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_03: Groceries, bacon, lettuce, tomato.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, let me get this all down.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_03: Bacon, lettuce, tomato.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_03: Does that include apples?
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_03: There's an old lady who needs to know.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_03: Trump's fake populism was a con.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_03: It couldn't be any clearer.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_03: The second he won,
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_03: he started rubbing elbows with his rich Wall Street buddies and admitting that his
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_03: promises were all BS.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_03: Comparing Trump to a real populist is like comparing apples to bacon.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_03: By the way, that old woman's name
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_03: Randy Smith.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_03: I will never get tired of hearing that story, and he will never get tired of telling that story.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_03: That is Donald Trump's free bird.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_03: Over the weekend,
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_03: Trump ally Steve Bannon floated the possibility of Trump running for a third term
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_03: in 2028.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_03: Donald John Trump is going to raise his hand on the King James Bible and take the oath of office.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_03: His third victory, his third victory in his second term.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_03: And the viceroy,
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_03: Mike Davis,
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_03: tells me,
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_03: since it doesn't actually say consecutive,
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_03: that,
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know,
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_03: maybe we do it again in 28.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_03: Are you guys down for that?
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_03: Trump 28?
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_03: First of all, Trump 28 sounds like his golf score when he cheats.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, Lindsey, 102, and Trump, 28.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_03: It was amazing.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: I wish I could have seen it, but I couldn't on account of the blindfold he makes me wear.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_03: Now, this is an obvious troll from Bandit, but then again, they're always trolling until they're not.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_03: Republicans are like guys who jokingly proposed a three-way with their wife and her best friend.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, that'd be so crazy, right?
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_03: I mean... Unless you're into it.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_03: I'm kidding!
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_03: Brenda, though.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_03: Brenda is a maybe.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_03: No?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_03: Trump claimed he won because he was in touch with the needs of working people.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_03: And he's following through by assembling a cabinet of regular blue collar Americans
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_03: who understand what it's like to struggle to make ends meet.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm just with you.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_03: It's like a ton of billionaires.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_02: President-elect Donald Trump assembling now what could be the wealthiest administration in history.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_03: The Trump cabinet will have more billionaires and centimillionaires than any in history.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_03: From Linda McMahon and Howard Lutnick to Doug Berman,
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_03: Steven Feinberg,
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_03: Jared Isaacman and Kelly Loeffler,
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_03: the billionaires on the official cabinet will have a combined net worth of over $13 billion.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_03: Now, that is not including, of course, Elon Musk or Trump's new billionaire ambassadors.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_03: The centimillionaires and possible billionaires,
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_03: depending on how you count your wealth,
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_03: includes Scott Besant,
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_03: Dr.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_03: Oz,
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_03: and Chris Wright.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_03: One thing I can guarantee is that none of those people ever had to buy their own groceries.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_03: They're probably the only people in the world who do believe Trump invented the word.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_03: You mean those stores that sell all of that loose food?
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_03: I thought those were just poorly-lit restaurants.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, I'm not surprised Donald Trump is picking billionaires.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just surprised that,
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_03: like,
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_03: if you are a billionaire,
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_03: you would say yes to spending the next four years getting yelled at by a fake
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_03: garbage man.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, what, all in exchange for a tax break that you'll never even notice?
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_03: So Trump's government will have more combined wealth than any in history,
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_03: and that's not even including the richest man alive,
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_03: Trump's outside advisor and basically co-president Elon Musk,
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_03: who controls one of the world's largest social media sites,
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_03: funneled hundreds of millions into PACs to get Trump elected and now is threatening
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_03: to make lists of Republicans who get in his and Trump's way.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_03: On Capitol Hill, Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy were meeting yesterday with Republican lawmakers.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_03: They are the co-leaders of the new Department of Government Efficiency, DOGE.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_03: Musk had a private meeting yesterday morning with incoming Senate Majority Leader
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_03: John Thune,
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_03: while Ramaswamy met behind closed doors with a group of 15 Senate Republicans.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: Elon and Vivek talked about having a naughty list and a nice list for members of
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: Congress and senators and how we vote.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_03: Trump's cabinet of billionaires is going to enforce loyalty among Republicans.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_03: Now,
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_03: if you had to guess,
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_03: what do you think would be the top priority of the wealthiest administration in history?
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_03: If you guess lowering prescription drug costs and reigning in corporate price gouging,
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_03: you've got to get better at guessing because that was a really bad guess.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_03: Obviously, their top priority is tax cuts.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_02: Trump and Republicans in Congress setting an ambitious 100-day agenda at the top of
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_02: the list,
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_02: a plan to renew about $4 trillion in expiring GOP tax cuts.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: We want to see the Trump tax cuts get extended,
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_03: so that's obviously going to be a priority in the first year.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, my God, they're not bringing down the cost of groceries.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_03: They're just giving themselves a tax cut.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_03: Do you know what this means?
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_03: Donald Trump lied.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks for the songs this week from Randy Rainbow, Leonard Skinner, and Golden Earring.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_03: And thanks for the clips and excerpts from Seth Meyers, Jimmy Kimmel, Steve Bannon, and others.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_03: This was episode 217 of Donald Trump Theatre.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_03: And the moon and star
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_03: So you will come to know when the bullet hits the bone.
• 25:36
  When the bullet hits the bone.