Latest / Your Thoughts Your Reality / Do You Still Matter Without the Role? | Aaron Lloyd on Self-Worth, Identity & The Sixth Silent War

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Do You Still Matter Without the Role? | Aaron Lloyd on Self-Worth, Identity & The Sixth Silent War · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Do you still matter without the role?
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: For many veterans, leaders, and creatives, and high performers, self-worth can become attached to the identity we carry.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: The title, the uniform, the role, the performance.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: The version of ourselves people knew us to be.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: But at some point, the deeper question becomes who am I when those labels no longer define me?
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Today's conversation is about self-worth, the sixth silent war, identity, confidence, mindset, and learning how to move forward with purpose when the past no longer gets to decide your value.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to Your Thoughts, Your Reality with Michael Cold, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: Michael is a dual elite certified neuroencoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations, dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles, procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_02: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: My good friend Aaron Lloyd is a neuroencoding specialist and professional actor.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: He helps entrepreneurs, creatives, and high achievers unlock their potential by transforming the way they think about themselves and their future.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: His background and performance gives him a unique perspective on identity, confidence, and how people show up in the world.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: His work helps people move beyond limiting beliefs and step into their best selves with purpose.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: And his message reminds us that our value is not defined by the role we play, but by who we choose to become next.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: Aaron, welcome to your thought to your reality.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: Tell us a little bit more about yourself, please, sir.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Man, you covered a lot.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate being here again with you, Mike.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: So originally from Bridgeport, Connecticut, you know, single parent home.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Mother's 17 when she had me.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: My father was in the army, and I have tons of family in the military as well.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: So kind of had that structure, but lost out on the knowing of my father, which kind of shaped my view and my world a little bit and was kind of a wound in my life for a very long time.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, since then I act.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm an actor, a professional actor, currently in New York City, and have some pretty amazing projects coming out, primarily theater trained, and I have TV, film, commercial as well.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And along the way, the reason I got into acting in the first place is I've always had a desire to help people.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: I've always had a desire to have some kind of impact in my life for others.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think that is what causes the most fulfilling life for anybody when we get out of ourselves.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I wanted to be a doctor originally, found myself on stage, discovered the power of storytelling and how that can actually impact people and discovered I had a pretty good talent at it, and then develop that into skills and continue to develop it into a skill.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: And as I like to say, as I'm an actor by passion and by purpose, I'm an elite neural encoding specialist, helping people in the way I can.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome, man.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for that.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: Give me half a second.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: I needed to start a timer.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry, man.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: So this is live, obviously, right?
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: Go ahead.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: And and you know, I I think one of the cool things about you is, you know, you went through diversity, right?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: I think I think all of us do to some extent.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: And you've moved that into the gift.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: Talk about that just a little bit, then we're gonna get started.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that that's a great, great point.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: When I was in college, there's actually at a communications class that I forget exactly what the theories cause, but my my experience has been I didn't grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: I I grew up in the inner city.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: I've I've known people that that are really down in their luck.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: I've been down in luck in my luck as well.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I've I've the the concept that I'm talking about is like people that are looking up, they know what it's like to be down, and they also know what it looks like to aspire, or what it looks like to be up here, as opposed to if I was already starting from like wealth or already starting from having financial stability or around influential people, then I would have that idea and kind of have an idea of what that bottom of look, but like what that life is, but not really have experienced it.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I've experienced both.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I have empathy on both sides, just as I've come to know some some people, and I really look at people as uh human beings and and and want to impact people the way we can because we all have different values, different things that we're aiming for.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: And at the end of the day, the one thing that we all have in common is that we have a beating heart.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: We all want our families to be safe.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: We all want, you know, people to, we all want to do well.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: We all have dreams, we all fears, we have desires, and and everybody's just doing the best they can.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that if people just really took time to really kind of take time to try to understand people, you don't have to agree with everything, but try to understand where people are coming from and having some kind of common ground.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to agree with everybody, you don't have to like everybody, just having some kind of common ground for for that we're humans, doing the best we can on this floating rock called Earth, you know.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's that's that's that's a great perspective that I was able to have from experience and then just from study.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And also as an actor, too.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's like I would I took a summer stock, summer stock is like a Shakespeare or regional, regional kind of element and add an acting teacher as well.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Shout out to Bernard.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: He he explained characters as like a gumbo and they're a stew and a gumbo in every character that you play.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: A villain doesn't think that they're a villain.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Hero doesn't think that they're a hero unless they they think they're a hero.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody's really trying to come back to a place of love.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: They want to find the way back to love, either love of self or love of others.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: They're just trying to find different tactics to get there.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: But if you start from the foundation of love, it helps you understand people.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that that's kind of that kind of ideology has helped me understand that everybody's just doing the best they can with trying to find a way back to love, or they they had lack of love, so now they're flashing out because they want love, or you know, it's it all boils down to love at the end of the day for me.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: I love it, man.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely love it.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that will tie into we're we're kind of doing a double take today because we're gonna talk about self-worth, which is the sixth silent word, but it also really plays into identity, which is the first silent word.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: So, Aaron, if we can, let's let's talk about self-worth and you know, the what does that mean to you as a person?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Self-worth to me is fundamentally how you view yourself.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a difference between confidence and self-worth because I can be confident that I went to school, I can feel confident as an actor.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: I can feel confident that I'm skilled as an actor.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: I could I have confidence.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, I've never skied, I've never done any of those kinds of things.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Do I have confidence that I could ski?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: No, because I don't have the reps, I don't have the experience to actually do that yet.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Steph Curry has confidence that when he shoots a three, it's gonna go in.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: He has the confidence because he's put in the reps.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now, for do I believe that if I put in the time, I could learn how to ski?
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I have that confidence.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: If I don't learn how to ski, does that say something about who I am?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's the difference between confidence and self-worth.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's the difference between I fundamentally am this.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I can be skilled as an actor.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: If I go into an audition and I don't book the audition, that then can trigger either that means something about me or not.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's a trap that I used to get into in the past, and particularly with actors or people in the public light, if you put too much credence on people's opinions, then that can really mess you up because you don't have a strong center within yourself on who you are and whose you are, and then determining determining where you are from that place.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I think self-worth is fundamentally how you feel about yourself.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: There's a great story that will illustrate this.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: There's there's a a gardener that had a yoke of two pots on his back, and he would go on this walk every day, and one of the bottles had, or one of the pans, one of the pots rather had a crack in it, and the other pot did not.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: They both held water, and one pot would leak the water and it would feel bad about itself.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: It felt like something was fundamentally wrong about itself because it could not do the task of holding the water in.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then the pot told the gardener, man, I feel bad about myself.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm leaking all this water.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then the gardener said, What are you talking about, pot?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Look behind you.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: And behind him, the cracked pot saw that it was watering all these flowers, and there was flowers blooming where it was.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: So there was nothing fundamentally wrong with the pot.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: It couldn't do that, it didn't have the confidence that it could fulfill the job, right?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: It had a handicap, in so in so many words, but it still had worth, it still had value.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: It just did not able, it was not able to see that value.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's great if somebody else can give you the value, it's greater, in my opinion, if you can find that that that value within yourself in the way that you can.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely love that story.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: I I had not heard it before, and just at the end of like, oh, I know it's gonna happen.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: That's fantastic.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, when you especially with acting, and I mean, everybody I think deals with this to some extent, right?
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: With with self-work.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm already getting off the questions and we're just having this what we do.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: So, what are some of the things that you know you yourself have really tied to self-work?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: And whether whether it was not necessarily in the beginning, but as you've grown, because I know you do a lot of you know self-work and that kind of thing.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: So, what do you think some of those those things are?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if I look at the evolution of me, I think I tied my self-worth when I was coming up to one how like maybe school grades, like getting getting out of the situations that I was in.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: I put a lot of my self-worth on trying the best I can.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I think I don't know if this is just a masculine instinct, like the people around me being okay, protecting them and and and making sure they're good, right?
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Making sure that the home life was okay, making sure my sisters were safe, making sure, you know, I could relieve any stress from my mom that that I could as she's paying the bills and doing these kinds of things.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: And and and my self-worth was tied to that.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now there was unhealthiness as I've learned and done my work in that, because what that taught me is that you're you're taking care of everybody else's needs, which I think is valiant.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: I think men have that.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: You want to protect and provide for the people that you care about.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: I think it becomes unhealthy when it becomes self-abandoning, which I've learned that I've done a lot in my life.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I've learned that I've I've I've done that and I had to do my work and continue to do my work to discover that this has created a massive skill and massive gift and massive talent in my life that I can I have empathy and I can feel people and understand what they need sometimes more than what they do, right?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: And and that that's that's kind of a talent intuition that developed from that.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a superpower in a way.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think everything's intentional.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: God, God has a plan.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: And your question was as I look at my self-worth now, I kind of look at my self-worth on can I look the person, can I look the man in the mirror at the end of the day and be proud of who he is?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's that's my metric.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Am I proud?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Can I look myself in the eyes at the end of the day?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not, I'm gonna make mistakes, as every human does.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: But if if it's an honest mistake, if I'm willing to learn from it, if I'm willing to grow from it and I can look myself in the mirror and I know I didn't do something against my values intentionally, maliciously, anything like that, then I can, then, then I'm I'm good with myself and I'm good with others.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: As long as I know I'm doing the best I can, I'm loving people the way I know how, I'm doing the best I can, I'm I'm I'm learning, I'm growing, then I think that that's a spectacular way to live for myself.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm growing that now.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: My self-worth is tied to how much growth am I am I creating for myself and others?
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because then it becomes like a magical story.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's like I'm I'm so curious on who I'm gonna become and who I'm gonna become next.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that that'll continue until until there's no more continuing, you know.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: So so that's that's that's gonna that's gonna be my thing.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely love it.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: So you know, I just when when you're going through life, and I I you know I I I know I'm older than you, but don't rub it in.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: You know, every so often you kind of look back, right?
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: I know you've done this because again, you do the work and you go back and you look at whether it be self-worth or what you've accomplished or whatever, whatever it is, or even better, your belief system, how it's changed.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, how do you think that has impacted you as far as your self-worth of just kind of looking back and seeing changes and new belief systems?
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's a beautiful question.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think if the first thing that came to my mind when you said that was just having an understanding of finances now and not having that at a certain time, and then also this this has really expanded my mind.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's easy to to kind of hallucinate who people are, what those kinds of things are, if you've not interacted, if you've not met these kinds of people and things like that.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I value travel.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I value expanding your your thought and and who you're who you're associating with.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because then I I started to develop an understanding of like, wow, this person's actually cool.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: This person's like this this is a solid person.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: I might not agree with everything, they might not agree with everything, but they're a solid human being.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: They do kind things, they have philanthropy, and and vice versa.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Or like if you're it's it works on both ways.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: If if I'm if I'm if I'm driving through a negative area of of where I'm coming where I come from, I could pass judgment on who these people are, but then they'd be the first person.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, you did you eat?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, did you have something to eat?
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Here, here, let me here, take the shirt off my back and do that.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, wow, that's kind.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then I can go through a very wealthy, opulent area, and this person's stingy, this person's this, and this person has a charity that nobody knows about.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: This person, they're flying a private plane, but they they plant just as many trees.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: These are things that you don't know until you start understanding and having conversation with people and and speaking idea, and then and speaking and then having an idea of who this person is and like why do I feel this way and why do I feel that way, and then having the space to be heard and understood.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's ultimately what people want.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: They just want to be seen and understood.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to agree, just see me, just understand me.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I think everybody wants that at the end of the day.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely love it.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: I I think you're nailed it, man.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: I think everybody just wants to be seen.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's why social media is so popular.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, good or bad.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: I think you know, those are the things that automatically draw us, right?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: Is being being seen, security, you know, all of those things.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I love that you brought that up.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: You know, moving kind of forward, what do you think so many people tie their self-worth to a role or a title or uniform, career, or identity, you know, they they want to carry.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: Why do you think they they really tie that those things to who they are?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Fundamentally, people are driven by pain and pleasure, right?
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Those are the things that that that that that every human has in common as well.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: It all boils down to that.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Some people are more more driven by pain, some more people are driven by pleasure.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: With social media, particularly, I read an interesting article the other day that was shared with me by a friend who said that right now the anxiety is going up with a lot of people, and it they used to think it's because of the phone.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: They used to think it's because of this, right?
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it does in some way because you're comparing all the time, right?
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: And you you're you're you're driven by validation and how many likes I got and who commented, and oh, if nobody liked, that means something about my worth, right?
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Or something about that, or or this, or or or my value, or things like that.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: What they discovered in this article, I haven't gone too in depth about it.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm going to, but what they're saying is it's not always that.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's people are feeling behind based on where they think they should be, meaning, oh, I haven't bought my first house yet.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't done this yet, I'm not married yet, I'm not this, I'm not this, based on a blueprint that they have in their mind about what it is that where they think they should be, rather than the reality of what it is, like and where we are in in life.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: So that's causing a lot of anxiety.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: So I believe your question was, why are people tying their self-worth to this?
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's because of a blueprint.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: They have people, we all have dreams, we all have things in our lives that we expect.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: And when our life conditions don't match the blueprint that we have in our head, then we have pain, right?
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: I know this as a creative, as an artist.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I can be very imaginative.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like uh you're on a stage and you're creating worlds and doing these kinds of things.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: We do that in our lives too.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: We have ideas of what our 20s will be, we have ideas of what our 30s will be, we have ideas of what our 40s will be, 50s, what all these things will be.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then sometimes life does not match your blueprint because you can't control people.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you might say this is gonna be what this is gonna be, and you have a vision of what it's gonna be, but then you realize this person doo-doos just like you, their doo-doos thinks just like yours.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, I didn't know this was gonna happen in marriage that your doo-doo stinks.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: What are you talking about?
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: Don't get me cut off Facebook by saying doo-doo.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, can you not say doo-doo on Facebook?
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, but you know what I mean?
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's but we we have we have flaws or toenails are there.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know you're gonna clip your toenails.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: There's just all kinds of things that don't match people's expectations.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I think it's good to root things in in reality a little bit and understand that your self-worth, people are tying your self-worth to sometimes external things that that aren't going to be consistent.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that if you want to be happy, you have to determine what that is for you.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's about matching your blueprint to your expectations, matching your blueprint to what it is.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can't change the situation, then you just change your blueprint.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it's easier said than done.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: This is what people hire you people like you and I for, right?
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: But it's it's that that fundamentally, I think, is why there can be a self-worth thing.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's a combination of people come um um comparing themselves to other people, or a blueprint says, I should be here, I'm not here yet.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: That means something about me.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm behind, I'm embarrassed, I'm shamed because of this XYZ.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not the case, right?
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's just your situation is your situation, and what are you willing or not willing to do about that if you can?
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't have, if you can't do it by yourself, can you enlist the help of a brother or sister to help you?
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: Can you enlist the the help of a professional to assist you?
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: And that can be hard for some people.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard for me to reach out for help.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you have the same thing as a man, like if you if you need help to say, hey man, I need help.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: Bro, I'm really struggling with this.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: Can you can you be there for me?
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like that that's that's been traditionally hard for me to do in the past because I've just figured out my own stuff.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I learned a long time ago to and most people, well, some people know because I've talked about it, but you know, I I barely made it through eighth grade, right?
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: I went and took my GED and passed it and all that stuff later.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: But I learned young, ask for help.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's the biggest strength you have, it's not a weakness.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so I've built everything because I do ask for help.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm a I'm a little bit out of the realm there.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: I will ask for directions as a man.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's hard.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't find an issue anymore, but you get what I'm saying, because I don't want to spend three hours driving in a circle and get lost.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and I love what you talked about with the blueprint because really that's internal and external conflict, you know, with with your with your kids, your your wife, your friends, you know, your boss, whatever the case may be, it's just because that blueprint doesn't match, right?
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: And those expectations cause the issues.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: So I love that you said about making the expectations match, you know, or bringing them together so that you don't have those issues.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk, let's talk about that just for a second and then we'll move on.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: But what are some thoughts or maybe even a skill that you use to do that?
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: So that you can kind of bring it down to match.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's great.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: So when I I first have a fundamental understanding within myself, as much as I'd like to control things in my life, to have certainty in my life, we can't control anything.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: We we think we're in control.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: We're just not.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's fundamentally.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: We can influence things within our life, we can make decisions and choices that will help us get to what we desire and what we want.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: So the first thing I understand is like I want this, and there's people around me and situations around me that want something else sometimes.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: So then what do you do?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you if you can't change the situation, the only thing different that you can do is change yourself.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: You can change maybe if let's how do I give an example to illustrate it?
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say, let's say I want oh, a water because I'm really thirsty.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's a heat wave, and I want to go into the store and the store, I've driven 15 minutes to get to the store in the heat to get there, and they're like, Oh, we're all we're all out of water.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: You can have Kool-Aid, and I'm like, I don't want the sugar.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: And they're like, Well, that's what we got.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, what do you want me to produce water?
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what do you what do you want?
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like, I can either say, Hey man, I'm gonna take this Kool-Aid, or I can say, Okay, I have to adjust my expectations.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: Do I really want the water enough to take the other additional 15 minutes to get the water or not?
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: And and it that that's a tough decision sometimes.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you have to make tough decisions.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, okay, well, I wanted this, I really wanted this role, I really wanted this so bad.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted it, and I felt like I'm the person for it.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: Well, somebody who has more star power, got it, Aaron.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what are you gonna do?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Rage?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna you can feel angry, be in your feelings for a little bit, but are you gonna be in your feelings forever?
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's no fun, right?
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like get out your feelings and and and what do you want?
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I still want to act, so I can either write my own thing.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now I live in a world in which distribution is in our creator's fingertips.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: I can create a YouTube show.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to wait for somebody else's yes to act.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: I can act for free.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: I can go in the woods and act in front of a tree.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's changing your expectations.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's writing down 20 things that you can do that is within your control to be able to have the desires of your heart.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to act or do you want to be famous?
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to act or do you want to be a celebrity?
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's a difference.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like, and it's okay if you want that.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to be a star, if you want to be a celebrity, fine.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: Kudos.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's what you want.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: We can help you get there.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: Just know that there's going to be some some things with that based on your blueprint.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: And my hallucination is that people that want to be celebrities and stars, they might want to be celebrities and stars.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: What they want more comes back to that gumbo metaphor.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: They want love.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: They want love.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: They want adoration.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: They want things like that.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: Then they find that when they are stars and everybody just wants them because it's oh, this, this, this, and they don't, they don't have the love, the very thing that they wanted in the first place.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: So adjust your blueprint.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: Adjust and really sit with yourself and understand what your needs are and why you're doing the things that you're doing and what you're doing them for.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then see if you can marry them.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: I absolutely love it.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely love it.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: So moral of the story is you can only control yourself in the way you think.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, that's facts.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: Big facts.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'd say your thoughts are your reality, but you know, that's just a shameless plug.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, so for veterans and high performers, why can it feel so difficult to believe they still matter when the role changes?
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I let's let's go deeper on this.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I just want to use an example more of hey, I I just transitioned out of the military and I don't know who I am, and I feel lost, right?
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think when the role changes, that's what most people, whether you're a veteran or corporate leader or whatever the case may be, that's kind of the thing that happens a lot unless you already have a plan.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: So it's usually sudden changes, role changes, if you will.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: So talk to me about that.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's that's a profound thing, particularly for veterans and and athletes go through this as well.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: You're in such a structured environment for such a long time.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: You're building up that confidence.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know how to lead men and women, you know how to lead, you know how to deal with the artillery, you know how to do whatever it is that they do and outposts and this and all the kind of lingo.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: They have a very strong confidence that they can do that.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's what their value has been their whole life.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: They've been raised up to for the for the athlete, they've been raised up to do this their whole life.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: So suddenly, when you're not in that environment, there's two things that are kind of getting taken away from you.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: The habit and the myelin around the habit of creating that myelin is kind of like something that helps those neurons stick together in a supercharged way.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: So you have that, and that's who you are.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: You identify with that.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: This is my value, this is what I've gotten praised for, this is what I've gotten rewarded for for so long.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: Suddenly now it's like I'm a civilian.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this isn't as cool as driving a tank.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't as cool as, you know, leading men.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm picking up mail from the mailbox and like, you know, I'm doing all these kinds of things.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: So it feels mundane.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's similar to like the astronauts come from coming to the moon and then coming back to Earth.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, where do you go from there?
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: You've you've been to the moon.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what do you what do you do?
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: So it becomes like kind of a what where do I go from here?
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: And that question can kind of lead down either one of two paths.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: Either you can say, Where can I go from here and find some kind of positive meaning, or you can go, where do I come from here?
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: I've experienced everything that life has to offer.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it could be something as simple as that self, that confidence of like this is all I'm good at.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: What else am I good at?
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: I think men struggle with this.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: Correct me if I'm wrong.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: I I think I I hallucinate that I would struggle with this.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: That if I have done something my whole life and my value as a as a man is being useful or being appreciated for for the things that I bring, suddenly I can't do that anymore.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's like useless.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what what what do I what do I do?
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: I can't protect, I can't serve.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I'm good at.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: I can't do this anymore.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: What do you mean?
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: What do I do?
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: You're okay for who you are.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm okay for who I am, but I want to do something too.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so it's like it's absolutely I think I think that's what what what people struggle with after they leave the the the army or or the the serve the uh armed forces.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just like, how do you find value in what you have to bring?
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think this a great solution that I found has worked is when you have that, now you can mentor others.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now you can speak, you can speak to veterans, you can open up a foundation for veterans, you can find purpose beyond just yourself.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's still you're being useful, but for a bigger cause, and you're still using your skills and you're also engaging your brain in a different way because you're learning new skills of maybe speaking, or maybe of writing that book, or maybe speaking to other armed service members who have gone through things that you've gone through that regular civilians have not.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I know I'm skilled as a coach, I know I can help a veteran that has PTSD and things like that.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: It might behoove them, though, to work with somebody who's actually gone through war.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: I've not gone through war, I've not seen that, I've not had to go through that, I've not experiment, I've not experienced that in my body.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: I know what that might be doing to your brain.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: I can help you get out of that, I can help you rewire your nervous system.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it might also benefit you to work with somebody who can empathize on a level that I can't in that on that in that regard, right?
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's how I think two things.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: You you you you ask yourself better questions and you find value and use in yourself in another mission.
• 26:59
  unknown: Yeah.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: I agree 100%.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_01: I love I love that you said that.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think when when we sit in our head, we're dead, right?
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_01: So we literally when you start thinking about all the uh I don't know who I am anymore, all those things, that's you know obviously when everything just goes downhill.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: But when you're excited about the future, about what you're going to become, in other words, have a plan, it changes the game, yes?
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, absolutely.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: Love it.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: So so what's the we're we're getting low on time, but I know we wanted to talk about this.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, what is the difference between confidence that comes from performance and self-work that comes from within?
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: What's the difference there?
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: The difference is that I believe one is powered by the confidence.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: If we were looking at as a formula, and confidence is you've practiced this, you're good at it, you're you can ski, you can act, you can do whatever it is that you're good at.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: You have the confidence for that.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: What happens if suddenly you are as an actor, I act and the audience doesn't applaud?
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: Is my am I still confident, or am I basing my value as an actor based on the audience's whatever versus self-worth being I'm having a good time?
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna speak like a British person all day, and that's that's going to be what we do.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I enjoy it because that's what I'm gonna do.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I enjoy it, I'm gonna have a conversation right here just because it's what I like to do.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care if I get approvals or not, I like it.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the difference between coming in from worth of like, I just enjoy this.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: And if you applaud, I I I value that too.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: But whether you do or not does not dictate how I feel about myself, and that's a great place to be.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's not it, and it fluctuates.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna sit here and lie.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's good to get be patted on the shoulder, especially as a man, we want to be appreciated.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: But it's it's like it's it's not, I'm not, it doesn't dictate that question I have for myself of can I look myself in the mirror at the end of the day?
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: So self-worth, the difference between that is your confidence is coming from what you do, the task that you perform, your self-worth comes from this is who I am, this is what I enjoy, this is my passion, this is my mission, this is something I enjoy to do.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: And my people, my tribe will find me through that, through alignment of that.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I think coming from that place and understanding that maybe not everybody's gonna like you, and that's fine as long as you come from that heart place.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: You don't like me, I love you, that's fine.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: We're just not a match, it's fine.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you know, much love to you, and just and just and just keep it, keep it, keep it going, you know.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think I think that's that's that's that's how I it's worked for me at least.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_01: Perfect.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for sharing that.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so we need we need to wrap up here.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: So I did want to talk about your book just for a second.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, you know, for the people listening who feel connected to your message, you know, what is the best way for them to learn more about your work, follow you, you know, book you, or support what you're building.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so become the person your goals required is a is a book that I wrote.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's a little bit of my story.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: It goes through a lot of what Mike and I has talked about today, which is finding uh rewiring your identity, rewiring who you are, determining who it is that you want to be.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: Ask and it goes and guides you through a lot of questions that I ask myself, a lot of exercises that I had to do myself, that I continue to do that can help you get to where you want to be.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: And where you can find me is Aaron Powers.com.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: You could also find the book on become the onebook.com, and and that they'll be happy to service you that that way if that's something that you're looking for.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely love it.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for sharing that.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_01: And and guys, um, his book is great, just so you know.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_01: Another shameless plug, but you know, it it is fantastic.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: As we know, uh time is the most pressed resource we have as human beings, we can't get it back.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then thank you, as always, for spending this moment in time to help our mission and make it make a difference.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_01: Truly, truly appreciate you.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_01: If something in today's conversation resonated with you, don't just move on to the next thing.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: Sit with it for a minute.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_01: If you know someone who may need to hear this, share this episode with them.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_01: You can also join us at your thoughts, your reality.com where we continue these conversations around identity, transition, resilience, and growth.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: And remember, your thoughts shape your reality.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_01: We're out of here.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_01: We out, peace.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of Your Thoughts, your reality podcast with your host, Michael Cole.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_02: We hope the conversation sparks some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_02: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit Empower Performance Strategies.com.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_02: Remember, your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_02: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_02: Catch you on the next episode.