Latest / Reality TV Cringe / 140: Jax Creating Drama - The Valley: Tit For Tat (S1 E2)

Transcript

140: Jax Creating Drama - The Valley: Tit For Tat (S1 E2) · Reality TV Cringe

0:09
Hello, and welcome to Reality TV Cringe. I am one of your hosts,
0:14
the Redhead Delia here with my real tight homegirl and my daughter in loss
0:19
there. Don't even try it, don't even look at her sideways. I
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will see you beatri Hi, everybody. We are here today to talk about
0:28
the Valley, which of course is VPR adjacent. We've got a lot of
0:32
people from the Valley, the VPR area on the show. There's a lot
0:36
of craziness. There's a lot of questionable, dubious characters, and I am
0:41
loving it. We do, and I've got a lot to say about it.
0:44
But before we do, we have to warn you. Please hide your
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wife and hid your kids. This is a politically incorrect podcast. We say
0:53
bad words, we have stupid opinions. We are unapologetics, So don't come
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at me. Bro. And if you're lovel you might want to find Tomest.
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1:26
and also to do some welcome to platful rewind Yes, bitch, So
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and subscribe. Every little thing you do is magic. It helps us to
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grow on the platform. Thank you in advancing go. All right, let's
1:49
get into the valley, all right, bitch, So we start this episode
1:55
called Tit for Tat. Yeah, I wonder what that's. We're going to
1:57
be getting into the titty whistle of it all before we do Tittygate. Did
2:01
you see some of the comments on our video last week on YouTube just about
2:07
the Valley? I think there was one comment or in particular who was like,
2:09
the valley is a dumb Yeah. I believe that I lived there for
2:15
a certain amount of time and it was just trash and I would never want
2:17
to go back. It's fucking awful. Yeah. Have you ever been to
2:21
the valley? Yeah? I have, Yeah, I have two. It's
2:23
not that great. You don't like it? No? Oh? Yeah,
2:25
I mean, but I grew up going to California, like, I'm from
2:29
the Pacific Northwest, so California was like always, I was always going there
2:32
all the time, and I hated it. I'm like, this is it's
2:35
overrated. Northern California is nice. No offense to anybody who lives in California.
2:39
Ye, I don't care if I offend you. It's great. If
2:43
you like to live there, that's awesome. Yeah, but I would.
2:45
There were some people commenting about how the valley sucks trash, and I guess,
2:49
like you start in La, yes, like you start in I don't
2:53
know where West Hollywood, where Hollywood is. I have no idea you had,
2:57
but been there no, I mean I've been to West Holly. Would
3:00
okay, but I don't remember any of it. It's all kind of the
3:02
same to me. Yeah. I know we were traveling into different areas,
3:05
but I couldn't like make a distinction about wherever I was. I just knew
3:07
it was fucking hot. Yeah, and there was no breeze in the valley
3:10
none. And I prefer to be by the ocean. Yes, the ocean's
3:14
way better anyway. Yeah, pretty and stuff, but yeah, the valley's
3:17
trash, That's what somebody said on you. Yeah, I agree, So
3:21
I'm just sharing that with you. That's not my opinion, that's just what
3:23
I read on YouTube. Yeah, so get over it. But yeah,
3:27
so I grow. We start in the valley and Jackson and Kristen are going
3:30
out to lunch, and Jack's takes her to a steakhouse, even though Kristin
3:36
apparently has been a vegetarian for six million years. Yes, he takes her
3:39
to a fucking steakhouse. Like, okay, right, Well she's known him
3:43
for sixteen years, yes, and the entire time she's been a vegetarian.
3:46
But she could be a lifelong vegetarian. But this just is a testimony to
3:51
the fact that jack doesn't give a fuck. No, he's stupid as fuck,
3:54
right, and he has arranged this lunch meetings that he can pretend that
4:00
he's really just trying to be there for Kristin. Like I regard you as
4:02
my sister, Kristin, and I'm just really worried about, like you having
4:06
a baby with this rando colorad and like are you thinking this shit through?
4:11
Why do you care? He's like trying to act like the dad of the
4:14
group, and I'm like, dude, your life is about to be wrecked.
4:16
Right now, like you're gonna divorce and then you're gonna have to deal
4:21
with all this custody shit, like your life's about to get wrecked. And
4:26
so you're trying to like produce these moments where you're just acting like you care
4:30
about Kristin even though you don't know. You think she's a dirty person who
4:35
sleeps around a lot and pops yeah, and makes terrible decisions exactly, And
4:40
he's just fucking judging her, And I feel bad for her, even though
4:43
I'm kind of judging her the same way. No, But I mean that's
4:45
that's a valid point because actually in this scene, I was watching her,
4:49
and the vibe budget that I got from it was like she really wants a
4:54
friend, yeah, Like she would really like to have a certain kind of
4:57
relationship with Jackson. Of course, in the last episode, she's like,
5:00
can you just be supportive? Can you just be there for me? Like
5:04
I think she really needs the presence of that kind of energy in her life,
5:08
yeah, And she's looking to Jack's Taylor of all people, to give
5:12
her some semblance of that, and he's just devoid of any ability to do
5:15
so because he's a fucking chrow magnum unconscious piece of shit asshole. Yeah,
5:20
the butch version of Sandoval who does not care about anybody. And so it's
5:24
like, it's sad because I do think you're right. Kristin wants like the
5:28
Friends group, like from the show Friends. She wants to be able to
5:30
grow with all of these people, and they all suck. Yes, So
5:33
I don't know what is only a couple that have any redeeming value. Like
5:36
I was thinking maybe Brittany, yeah, had some redeeming value, but like
5:41
she lost all good faith with me at the end of this episode, and
5:45
I'm just like, you're just as bad as Jack's. Yep, Kristin,
5:46
you don't need these people. Nope, not at all. But then they
5:50
talk it out or whatever, and Kristen's like, Okay, it's fine,
5:54
but don't talk about it ever again because I'm just gonna do it me.
5:57
Oh he will, And he's setting you up in this moment is he said?
6:00
He is? He is? And then Kristen talks about Tittygate Nipplegate,
6:05
which was last episode when she grabbed Jesse's nipple and then he grabbed her nipple.
6:13
Oh my god. And so she's talking about it like it's such a
6:16
big deal. And Jackson's like, what that's fucking lay man, Oh my
6:19
god, I'll do her a pro prok Kristin, it was in a pro
6:25
pro of you to do that to Jesse. And look, Jesse is the
6:28
scum of the earth. There's nobody out here advocating for this quafft douchebag.
6:31
But Kristin, you put your hands on him first. They keep your hands
6:34
to yourself. Everybody, keep your hands to yourself unless you've got consent exactly.
6:39
And I'm like, you're saying this contradicting yourself, being like, I'm
6:42
not close with him at all, so why would you do that to me?
6:44
And I'm like, then, why would you do it to him if
6:46
you're not close to him. It's kind of weird and granted, like I
6:48
get it, it's a female nipple. It's different, is it? Is
6:53
it? Mean, listen, when I touched my husband's nipple, he's into
6:56
it sexually. So I'm sorry if I've got some rat if I got the
7:00
he loves it, I mean, and then I put my mouth on that
7:01
nipple over game over. I'm just saying it's I mean, it's not purely
7:09
sexual. It can become sexual very quickly for a man or a woman.
7:13
Sure, So I don't understand why she has like some reason to be offended,
7:19
but Jesse does not. It's because they have nothing else to talk,
7:21
I guess. So so they got to talk about titty gate. Ad Luke
7:25
gets really upset. We'll get Okay, Luke, I mean, aren't you
7:28
cognizant. Don't you understand like that's hypocritical? Yeah? Or is it just
7:32
me? Is it my internal misogyny is such exciting that she should have kept
7:36
her hands to Jesus. Okay, how about nobody touch anybody's nipples? Thank
7:41
you, thank you. More of the story. Then we get to Jesse
7:45
and Michelle taking their daughter is a bid, and this is where they're talking
7:53
about like their parenting styles, and Michelle's like, yeah, I didn't know
7:57
that Jesse was such a fucking asshole, especially being a parent and being super
8:01
impatient until we had a kid, because she's very soft when she talks to
8:05
Isabella and is nurturing and a good mother like a mom. And Jesse is
8:11
like, yeah, if I just fucking scream at her, she'll shut the
8:16
fuck up. I'm like, wow, I can't believe you said that.
8:18
Well, he talks about a scenario in which he's walking into a hypothetical room
8:22
and Michelle is there talking to Isabella in conciliatory tones like I don't know,
8:26
Isabella, maybe we should do it this way. And Isabella's resisting cause she's
8:31
three, and this is what Toddler's doing, of course, and so Michelle
8:35
is trying to reason with her and speak to her in this way, and
8:37
then Jesse just yells Isabella and then Isabella snaps too because she's afraid. Yeah,
8:43
And I actually had to pause it right here because I'm like, first
8:46
of all, like that feels abusive to me. It is. And you
8:50
can see Michelle's face as he says this on the couch, She's just like
8:54
very very concerned. Yep. But like, Jesse, do you have absolutely
9:00
no awareness as to how this is gonna look, because it seems to me
9:05
he's actually producing his moments on camera, Yeah, to come across as a
9:09
full on fucking sexist, misogynists, terrible dad. Yeah, Like if you
9:13
were that, wouldn't you try to come across as not that? No,
9:16
I don't know. He's like he's weird. He's like acting like Michelle's on
9:20
the wrong for not being into him anymore, because he kind of alludes to
9:22
it. He's like, I don't know what changed in our marriage, like
9:26
when we had a kid, like or if I just turned into somebody that
9:28
Michelle doesn't like. And I'm like, well, no, seems like you've
9:31
always been this way. You're just a critical asshole and you're impatient, and
9:37
you yell at a three year old like a piece of shit, like I
9:39
don't respect that kind of shit, Like I'm gonna raise our kids Montessori and
9:43
be all gentle parent. Ain't woman to try, right, I'm gonna try
9:46
my human being. But it's like I don't want to sit there and scream
9:50
at my three year old kid who doesn't know any better, because all that
9:54
shows is that you're not emotionally regulated as a as an adult man. Yeah,
9:58
because you got a sh at your kids. You can't tell me that.
10:01
Michelle is not trying to have enlightened conversations with Jesse about like how she
10:05
would prefer to raise their child, and he's just acting like a Chrogolodity's like,
10:09
no, I'll make fire. This is my child, a bala,
10:13
Like, oh, this is twenty twenty four. I thought we were trying
10:16
to bring up some enlightened people, enlightened men who know who want to be
10:20
good fathers and husbands. But I guess not if Jesse is an example of
10:24
this well, and it doesn't make any sense to me why he's treating Michelle
10:28
like this because she is a oh my goddess, she's a she is fucking
10:33
way out of his gorgeous, so gorgeous in every single way. Why aren't
10:37
you treating her like Danny treats Nia, and like God shipping the ground compare
10:41
and contrasts serious. There's a reason that Nia is so in love with her
10:46
husband and would do anything for him and taking care of their children, and
10:48
it's just such a beautiful mama because he creates a safe space for her to
10:52
do so. Yep, But Michelle does not have that safe space. She
10:56
doesn't. And once he fucking stops telling it, the bellish needs to get
11:01
on the tricycle and let's go, then Isabella goes and walks to the tricycle
11:05
and gets on it. Yeah, exactly. So she's already getting afraid of
11:07
her dad because he's a piece of shit. Yeah, asshole, unfortunate and
11:11
we can see their impending divorce on the horizon. Yes, then we have
11:16
Kristin and Luke Colorado going on a hike with their dog who shits on the
11:22
trail, and I'm thinking to myself, did they clean that up? No,
11:26
because there's horseshit on the trail, and of course nobody cleaned that up.
11:28
And maybe you wouldn't expect people to, but if your dog is shitting
11:31
on the trail, yacht to clean that up. And I just have a
11:33
feeling it's California down in my buet that they're not cleaning up their dog shit.
11:37
It's California. There's human shit around everybody too, So I mean it's
11:41
with a needle right on top. Sorry. Oh, But they get up
11:50
to the top and they start their conversation with Kristin Lake talking about how uncomfortable
11:56
she is with everybody talking about her deductive rights and like why do people care?
12:01
And I don't want to be talking about it because I don't know if
12:03
my body can actually achieve pregnancy and I don't know if like this is something
12:07
I'm going to be able to do. But I can tell you one goddamn
12:11
thing, I don't want everybody to talk about it every time I'm around,
12:13
Like Lee, me alone. This is between me and you, Luke,
12:16
this is our thing. Like why do they have to interject into it?
12:20
And I totally felt that I did too, And I don't know why anybody
12:24
needs to make comments about it, because if Kristen, even though she's been
12:28
a hot mess this whole entire time and dick hopping and whatever, it is
12:31
a little bit still a hot mess. I think. I'm just thinking,
12:35
but if she wants to get her life together and she wants to have a
12:39
kid with this guy who also wants to have a kid with her and put
12:41
a baby in her like more put to you, it's fine. And if
12:45
they love each other, that's kind of all you need really to have a
12:48
kid, you know, So like, even if you don't end up romantically,
12:50
if you guys are great co parents, then that's fantastic. It's a
12:52
great environment for the kids. So I felt really bad about this. And
12:56
one thing I don't think you know, is is that Kristen actually had a
13:03
miscarriage last fall, So this is probably taking place, I want to say,
13:05
July August of twenty twenty three, And so I think shortly after what
13:11
we're seeing right now on film, she actually does get pregnant, but it
13:18
doesn't go to term, and so she's sad. Yeah, I can only
13:20
imagine how it would be to be forty years old and all of your best
13:24
friends are out here getting husbands, getting wives, getting partners, having children,
13:31
buying homes, and you were dumb enough to sell your home for that
13:35
dope. I dumpy dope. My god, Alex will get through that weirdo.
13:39
He's super weird. The fuck was that aool? A ghost has entered
13:43
the room? Cut me a ouiji board? The fuck is what the fuck
13:48
kind of specter was that? Anyway? I know, like you're still kind
13:50
of a mess, but I feel like bad for her. I think Luke's
13:56
the supportive boyfriend because then they start talking about titty whistlegate, I know.
14:00
And so she talks about how Jesse grabbed her nipple after she grabbed his,
14:03
and Luke gets all face ethan plaith red, and yeah, oh my god,
14:07
he's like human, he's like destosterones rushing through his veins and he's like,
14:13
what, they touched your nipple, that's for me to touch. She's
14:16
like, I'm gonna have to confront him, and that's cool. I mean,
14:20
I guess, I mean, how come you're not calling out the fact
14:22
that she touched him? I mean, I don't know, and it just
14:24
seems like a glaring thing to not talk about. On the Casogynist, he
14:28
actually says, well, if Kristin slapped Jesse, would he feel okay to
14:31
just turn around and slap Kristen. I mean that's a good point. It
14:35
is, but I mean, like women should also not be slapping men.
14:37
Yeah, we should just not be doing things like that. Yeah, how
14:39
about we respect everybody's bodies. Yeah, I mean he's pissed off because he
14:45
touched her no no part. Yeah that's my no no part. I put
14:48
my mouth on the air. Yeah you cannot touch that. Yeah, og
14:50
make fire like okay, So he's gonna get all mad and confront the guys
14:56
about it later in the episodes. What it's setting it up you? And
14:58
then we have have a scene where Kristin, Michelle, and Nia go to
15:03
jiu jitsu and this is where Nia I'm like, hey, queen, She's
15:09
like, yeah, I've been doing taekwondo like my whole life, and I'm
15:11
a fourth degree black man and I'm like, yes, bitch, Yes.
15:16
So she's taken the girls to do jiu jitsu, which is like silly because
15:20
as if Kristin and Michelle are going to do it. But then they all
15:22
sit down and like they're chatting with the girls and stuff, and this is
15:26
where Michelle's mentioning her marriage with Jesse and talking about therapy, like wanting couples
15:33
therapy, right, yeah, I think couple's therapy. She also mentioned individual
15:37
therapy, but it sounds like he doesn't want any therapy because he doesn't think
15:39
anything is wrong with him, right, And then Kristen talks about her pregnancy
15:43
and everybody judging her for wanting to be pregnant, and all the girls are
15:48
like, yeah, that's fact up. Yeah, and nobody should be talking
15:50
about you and your reproductive rights and your motherhood journey, Like that's fucked up
15:56
and stupid. Why are men doing that? Exact? Men? Are you?
15:58
Okay? No? Not? And then after this we have the guys
16:03
going to do skate hockey. It's so dumb, so so late. I
16:08
think Jesse's the one that's the hockey player or whatever I guess I get,
16:11
and he's like, yeah, all these guys fucking still get hockey. I'm
16:15
like, who cares. Nobody cares. You're not in high school anymore.
16:18
We don't think you're hot, you're fucking forty. Nobody cares. If you're
16:19
popular on the skater, ice hockey, whatever you guys are doing, nobody
16:25
cares. Yeah, Jason's there. The lawyer guy is like, yeah,
16:27
I work out, but I suck at skating. Yeah. I like Jason
16:30
so much. Yeah, he's very mature. Yes. Well, at some
16:33
point, Jax does mention to Jesse that Kristen's got an issue with him titty
16:41
whistling her nippa, yeah, And Jesse's like, I have no recollection of
16:45
that whatsoever. And I'm thinking back to myself, like I don't think he
16:47
was drunk off his ass blacked out at the County Fair party, I know,
16:53
the week before, Like, how come you don't remember unless you're just
16:56
walking around your life committing these micro and macro agressions and not even paying attention
17:00
to the fact that you called La La a mistress. And aside, He's
17:03
like, maybe you don't remember this shit. So he looks like actually surprised.
17:07
Yeah, I don't think he's lying here when he's like, I don't
17:10
remember doing that. I think he doesn't remember doing that. Yeah, I
17:12
think he's an asshole, and I think he's like critical and says fucked up
17:15
shit and does fucked up shit and then just doesn't remember yeah, or like
17:18
doesn't care to remember because he doesn't think it's a big deal. Right,
17:22
that's the kind of vibe that it doesn't register for him. Yeah, And
17:26
then Jacks shares with the group that he is inviting Kristen's ex boyfriend the Dope
17:34
and the dump Alex to their guys night out, which they are throwing for
17:40
Danny because he pants to them. Yeah, it's just I'm sorry, I
17:41
don't get these guys and children. And actually Jesse calls him a child,
17:45
like you are a fucking child for doing that. And also, what if
17:48
Alex and Luke have a conversation while they're out at the bar and Luke decides
17:56
to dump Kristen? Yeah, like what if you actually fuck up their relationship
17:59
because you trying to meddle And Jackson's like, oh, gosh, I guess
18:02
I didn't think of that. Yes you did, Yes, you did.
18:04
Don't care, this is all just a work by you. Yes, He's
18:07
like smiling too. He's like already planning on doing it because he's asking the
18:11
guys if you should do it, and the guys are like, no,
18:12
absolutely not bad idea, please don't do that, and then he ends up
18:15
doing it anyway, because Jackson is wanting to create drama, that's all he's
18:19
doing. And he's like totally this whole episode. I'm like, you are
18:23
scripting this, yeah, and you were doing this on purpose, maybe because
18:27
you want the ratings and you want it to be drama delicious and you want
18:30
this show to be successful so you can get your paycheck, but also because
18:36
you want to distract from the fact that you're going to get a divorce from
18:37
Britney, because Brittany's gonna get fed up with your bullshit and you're fed up
18:41
with her bullshit. You don't like her, like, oh, I don't
18:44
see any affection or intimacy between either of you, And I mean, how
18:48
much do you like your son? Because like there's a scene where Jackx's home,
18:52
Britney's mom is there, Britney's somewhere walking around and Cruz starts crying in
18:56
another room and Jackson doesn't even get up. Grandma gets up and goes to
19:00
see what's going on with Cruz. He's stuck underneath the couch or whatever,
19:03
and Britney comes out and helps, and Jack's doesn't move in the direction of
19:08
this child at all. And the weird thing was like Brittany didn't ask him
19:12
to. Yeah, it seemed like everybody just expected Jack's to not give a
19:17
shit. I know. I don't think he's present in the relationship as a
19:21
husband or a father or a father. I don't think he loves them at
19:22
all. I don't think he cares. I think he's just like sitting there
19:26
like, yeah, this is my life, I guess because I have fucked
19:30
this chick and now she got pregnant and I have a kid, and I'm
19:33
like, I don't want to be here, right, It's pretty fucked up,
19:36
it is. And so he's meddling in everybody else's lives so he doesn't
19:40
have to focus on his own. But don't worry about it. God's gonna
19:42
get you. Oh yeah. God don't like ugly and Jack's you ugly?
19:47
Yeah, he hella ugly, you ugly. And then we have a scene
19:49
after this where we're at Danny and Nia's condo and I, oh, my
19:53
god, I swoon. I know I was even swooning over Danny. I'm
19:57
like, I love you. You know. He's about seven to twelve inches
20:03
shorter than I usually like in a man. But ask me if I give
20:06
a shit, because when he starts talking about how he met Nia, and
20:10
I think he was at like an engagement party and she walks into the room
20:12
and he's like, I have never seen a more beautiful woman. And he's
20:17
just like so taken with her. They don't get together, but then three
20:21
months later he's at church doing some church service something or other because he's a
20:25
wholesome boy in walks Nia and he's like, game over. I love this
20:29
woman forever. And in this scene, I guess she's getting ready to leave
20:33
for work because she's a pageant trainer or whatever. But she's trying to pump
20:37
her boobets so that she can supply milk for the kids, and he's gonna
20:41
be taking care of the kids while she's gone, and he's just like She's
20:44
like, I'm trying to drink a lot of water, I'm trying to eat
20:47
apples, and he just comes up and he's like, you're doing so great
20:49
pain. You are so amazing, Thank you so much. I'm like,
20:52
hey, everybody, stop what you're doing and watch Danny and all you husbands
20:59
on this show. Watch Danny. Let's all be like Danny for real.
21:03
It's kind of interesting how they have this couple paired with Michelle and Jesse,
21:07
because it's kind of like they're mirrored together, like because they all look very
21:11
similar a little bit. Yeah, I mean, it's like very interesting the
21:14
stark contrasts because fucking h Jesse is in there criticizing Michelle at every goddamn turn
21:22
and just being a piece of shit, drinking mamos is at nine am.
21:25
Meanwhile, Danny's got a baby in one hand. Yeah, complimented his wife,
21:29
talking about how much you You're so amazing, thank you so much.
21:32
Oh my god, I fell in love with him. My short king,
21:33
my short daddy, short popa. Hey, some of those short kings they
21:37
got big digs, that's right. And then you get a woman like miss
21:41
Usa. Oh she's she's gorgeous, but like she could get any man in
21:45
the world. She could get a man of me, and she could get
21:47
a billionaire baby yep. But she's gonna be with Danny because he's a good
21:51
man, that's what a good man is, Yes, ma'am. A good
21:53
man does, and that'll get you a good woman, yes, yep.
21:56
And then they kind of talk about the pantsing of Danny and he was like,
22:00
it's whatever. It was a high school thing, and Nia kind of
22:03
acknowledges her reaction to it. She's like, you know, I've been dealing
22:06
a lot with postpartum. My emotions are kind of all over the place,
22:10
like I'm trying to accept that this is my new normal. And I felt
22:11
really bad for her because I'm like, it makes a lot of sense.
22:15
I mean, you just had a fucking baby. They're like a month old,
22:17
yes, literally six weeks. So like she's got all these hormones raging
22:19
through her body. That's no joke, part no joke. And so I
22:23
felt for her. But she's like, I still feel like it was fucked
22:26
up. Yeah, they did this, and it was. It was because
22:30
we're not fucking high schoolers anymore. Yeah, forty something. I'm not consenting
22:33
to being naked in the middle of your county fair party. No, man,
22:37
thank you. Yeah. So I felt for them. I love Danny,
22:40
he's great. Yeah, he's winning me over. Yes, And then
22:42
this is where we have that weird little scene with Michelle, who's preparing for
22:47
the girls' night with all that takeout, and fucking Jesse's bitch ass comes into
22:52
the kitchen. He's like, wow, he's sitting there, not helping,
22:55
not doing anything, none, I don't He's like, wow, all of
22:57
this stuff, and she's like, yeah, I know, I should have
22:59
prepared a little bit better. I gotta figure out what I'm doing with all
23:02
of it. And then he echoes that and he's like, yeah, you
23:03
really should have figured that out before thirty minutes and you're not together with this,
23:08
not everything's prepared, Like yeah, my gosh, okay, well just
23:12
pun this guy. What value do you add to her life? Like,
23:15
how are you helping her in any way? Just riding her, riding her
23:21
kid? Honey, you're about to get dumped so spectacularly and the women of
23:25
the world love to see it. Oh yeah, dude, you're gonna end
23:27
up being forty five. Yeah, sitting at home in your bachelor path,
23:30
dumb hair, with your dumb hair, you're getting fatter every days. Yep,
23:34
yep, you fucking loser, and you're gonna be single yep. Hitting
23:37
up girls on tinder for twenty one year old. They're gonna think you're just
23:41
an old fucking loser, love loser, yep, single forever, Yeah,
23:45
sad, pitiful. And Michelle's gonna bop on by Honey with her beautiful daughter.
23:48
She's gonna find her a good man like Jason. Not Jason, but
23:51
a man like Jason. Yep, we're gonna make money. Who's not stuffing
23:53
her into a weird house in your Chateau Marmont with a fucked up galley kitchen
23:57
with a washer and dryer in the I know it's a very small house like
24:02
she probably just wants a normal life. And all you care about his appearances
24:04
and getting drunk at nine am. I hate him. I hate him too.
24:07
I hate him. He's really hate heable, He's terrible. And then
24:11
we have Guys Night. And while Guys Night is happening, we have Girls
24:15
Night, which we'll get to in a little bit. But Guys Night shows
24:18
up and we have Jack's and Luke there sitting at the first wants to arrive.
24:23
Where are they at? Like some Dave and Busters type, That's what
24:26
it looks like. It looks lame as fun, really cringe, but Luke
24:30
and Jack's are just sitting there and it's fucking weird. What are you doing?
24:34
And Jackson's like, you know, doing fine, how's your week?
24:38
Looks like it's a right, And Luke starts to talk about the conversation he's
24:44
gonna need to have with Jesse right because we got to confront this titty whistle
24:48
bullshit and I'm gonna have to take him to task. And Jackson's like,
24:52
oh, yeah, I know you want to talk to him because that's a
24:53
big deal. I can't wait to see the drama pop off. Danny walks
24:59
in, yeah, really great guy, and then Jesse comes on in yes,
25:03
and then Luke immediately takes Jesse to the side and he's like, yeah,
25:06
I talk to you men man, okay Luke And it's like, you
25:10
know whatever, Luke's so tall compared to Jesse, this small little man alien.
25:15
Though. I know what if they call those aliens from like the fifties
25:19
and sixties, like the tall Whites. Yeah, I think called the tall
25:22
whites. I think that's also a coffee drink in Australia, so I might
25:25
be get that's a flat white. Anyway, he looks like one of those
25:27
tall white tall white. Yeah, I just look very strange. Yeah,
25:30
another translucent person on our television sets. But he's more of a man than
25:37
Jesse. Jesse. Jesse cows to him, I know. I mean,
25:41
Jesse surprisingly doesn't pop off. I think a man can read another man's energy.
25:45
And Luke was standing on business. He was you're standing all tall and
25:49
macho, and he's like, yeah, why'd you fucking twist my girlfriend's nipple?
25:53
Your piece of shit? And Jesse's like, dude, I'm sorry.
25:56
I don't know if I was too drunk or what, because I'm a chronic
26:00
alcoholic that I'm not admitting to not paying attention to how I abuse people wantonly
26:04
in my life. Yep, I'm so sorry that happened. He does acknowledge
26:07
it. He said, I'm sorry, I don't remember that, and I
26:10
would never do that ever again, even though you're probably gonna do it later
26:12
in the sies, And Luke is like, well, as long as you
26:15
apologize to Kristin, and Jesse's like, I will apologize to Kristin, even
26:18
though I think Kristin should also apologize to Jesse, but whatever. Yeah,
26:22
they come to an agreement, Yeah, and they settle it like men yeah,
26:26
it's there's no drama or anything. But while they are over there,
26:30
we've got Danny and Jack's left at the table, And this is when Jax
26:33
tells Daddy, oh, by the way, I invited Alex Kristen's ex and
26:37
Danny just starts laughing and he's like, what the fuck are you doing?
26:41
Jacks. He can't believe it. He's like, what I'm My intention is
26:45
really good here, Like I really think these two guys have a lot in
26:48
common. Obviously, Kristin like they have a lot of maybe if they talk
26:52
they'll get along. And Danny's like, you're so fucking full of shit,
26:53
guys, so fucking stupid, And Jacks is also saying like, well,
26:56
this is just how I am, Like I'm friends with all my exes,
27:00
so like all the other guys that want to enter my club of the cool
27:03
guys and cool man number one guy, and they have to be okay with
27:07
it. They have to be friends with all of their exes. And Danny's
27:11
like why in his talking head like a real man, He's like, I'm
27:14
not friends with any of NEA's x'es. She's not friends with any of my
27:18
exes. We don't talk to any of them, because now that's a bomb
27:21
in a relationship, like you just don't do that. I'm like, respect,
27:25
respect, h Yes, I love him, Yes, he's the only
27:27
man of integrity. And Jason too, and Luke maybe, and Luke yes,
27:33
but the rest Jesse and Jackson no right they suck yes, and Alex
27:37
yes? And what a weirdo? So weird, very strange. Yeah.
27:44
So, after Luke and Jesse talk, they come back to the table and
27:48
then I think it was doesn't Jax take Luke Jacks It's like, okay,
27:52
now it's time for me to talk to you, Luke. So he pulls
27:55
him aside and he says, hey, by the way, you know,
27:56
this is really great and I'm so glad you came. However, and I
28:00
really think you should give Alex a chance, because you know, he's my
28:03
friend. I've done it for a while. And looks like, why the
28:07
fuck would I ever want to sit down and talk to and or have a
28:11
relationship with Kristen's X. I don't want to ever do that. And Jackson's
28:15
like, oh, well, sucks to be you because I happened to invite
28:19
him tonight. Oh and by the way, he's walking in right now.
28:22
Yeah, he's right there, And then the camera pans to this absolute slump
28:27
of a dude, and I'm like, Kristin, you are objectively beautiful,
28:32
honey. Yeah, I think she's beautiful. I mean, I think she
28:37
looks good. She's years like, I think she looks good. I think
28:40
she would compared to Luke and compared to Alex and you can get another man,
28:47
why are we? I mean, and Luke is an upgrade from Alex?
28:52
Yeah, but like, how did you end up with this guy?
28:55
And how did he ensorcel you and convince you to sell your home which you
29:00
owned as an asset? Baby girl, I do not know. This guy
29:03
literally looks like Adam Zandler from Uncut Gems. Did you watch like? He
29:07
looks exactly like him? Now. How he's dressed is fucking weird at a
29:12
dave and bustard like how he's showing up all prepped and poised for the camera
29:18
like in her interstitial, Kristin is like, this guy was terrible to me,
29:22
awful, like when everything blew up and Vanderpump rules and I was fired
29:26
for being a fucking racist or whatever it was that she was fired for,
29:30
Like he berated me. He treated me like shit, he called me a
29:33
washed up reality TV star and then he dumped me. Yeah, so he
29:37
was only with her for the cloud YEP, and now he has an inn
29:41
into the cloud because Jack's like, because Jack's wants him to come to the
29:44
daven Busters and start talking shit yeah about christ weird, like, because Jackson's
29:49
kind of coming at it with Luke, like, if you want to be
29:52
a part of the guys, yeah and part of my group, you gotta
29:56
be friends with Kristen's X. And It's like, why it looks like no,
29:59
fuck, yeah, I respect that I did do It's like, absolutely
30:02
not. I have no interest. This guy's a fucking ding dong YEP,
30:06
and I'm not gonna be talking to him. And then Jax goes over to
30:08
Alex yeah, and he starts the conversation with like, didn't you pay Kristen's
30:14
mortgage? Just trying to get Alex on camera to start maligning Kristin. It's
30:19
so obvious what he's doing here under the guys of what I'm just trying to
30:22
help. I think Luke would really like him, or I think Kristin needs
30:25
to get over it, Kjax, And so this Alex fucker starts like,
30:29
no, I didn't pay her mortgage, but like I sold her house for
30:32
free. What does that even mean? Well, he was a realtor,
30:34
I guess, or he had his license and so he actually listed and sold
30:37
her house for free, and she he didn't take a commission, okay,
30:40
but like, if I was a realtor, I would sell your house for
30:44
free. Duh. If my husband was selling his house, I'm gonna sell
30:48
that shit for free. And yeah, that's I mean, you don't have
30:51
to. It'd be fine to collect a commission, but like, that doesn't
30:53
make you some stand up guy because you waived your commission. And then he's
30:57
like, yeah, and she lived with me for like six months, you
31:00
didn't pay for anything. You guys were in a relationship. Why are we
31:03
doing this on camera again? Exactly because he's a washed up loser and he
31:07
wants a paycheck too, and Jax is letting him. Jack just wants him
31:11
to talk mad shit about Kristin yep and wants to Jack literally says he's like,
31:15
I want everybody to get the real story. Yeah, I want Luke
31:19
to have the real story. I'm like, who fucking cares, dude,
31:22
It's really weird how Jax is like trying to produce this show. I'm like,
31:27
there's a lot more drama that would be a lot more interesting than you
31:32
trying to make Luke get mad at Alex and Kristin get mad at you and
31:37
Alex expose Kristin. Gosh, yeah, it's super bizarre. Yeah, well
31:41
it's it's also obvious what Jack is trying to do, and he's not very
31:45
good at what he's doing. Like, no, we can see right through
31:48
it. But then we bop on over to girls' nights. Yep, they're
31:52
taking tequila shots because you know, Brittany loves her tequila shot, of course,
31:56
and Brittany apologizes to Nia again for Jack's pantsing her husband, and I'm
32:02
like, Brittany, you are a nice person, but you need to stop
32:07
defending your piece of shit husband. Yeah, she's an er all the time.
32:10
It's really ridiculous. And she's still trying to like downplay it, even
32:15
though she knew that Neo was upset about it. She's like, yeah,
32:16
Sana starts crying again. I know, because she's upset by it, and
32:21
she's just had a baby at her emotions are all over the place, and
32:22
it's just like Brittany. And Brittany starts defending, not defending Jack's but like
32:28
making excuses again, and she's like, well, he will never do it
32:31
again, and he's like, again, do it again. She's like,
32:35
I don't think you know. I am a fourth degree black belt. He
32:37
will never do that shit again, guarantee. Yeah, yeah, I will
32:40
physically harm him. I love that. Yeah, me too. The implied
32:45
violence was great against Jack Taylor. And then Brittany's like, yeah, whatever
32:49
and takes another show. She's not the brightest b in the fucking box.
32:52
No sidebar, yeah, beside bar. But her mouth was really distracting.
33:02
Girl. The eyebrows too. I'm like, I can't. The whole like
33:06
needing to raise the eyebrows up into your forehead thing is ridiculous. Well,
33:10
did you peep her on the after show, because she was there with I
33:15
want to say La La, and I was looking at her mouth and her
33:17
mouth still looks as we say in Hawaii Hamma jang. It still looks a
33:21
little problematic. I know. Well, didn't she say, like on the
33:23
last after show, She's like, it was my side effect of my procedure.
33:29
She said on her podcast that was a side effect of her double chin
33:31
removal procedure, and that it would only last for about four episodes. But
33:36
if what we're seeing on the after show was filmed, I don't know.
33:39
I think sometime around the New Year. Then it hasn't changed. It really
33:44
hasn't changed. Devastated. I'm really well, once you fucking sever a nerve,
33:50
I don't think you can reconnect those Nope, I think that's gone forever.
33:53
Yeah, so I hope she did not do that, but I was
33:57
just like watching her mouth fixedly. I know, Oh, I feel bad,
34:00
Britney Stone. And I'm not going to be the dead horse here.
34:05
I'm not going to continue to say this, but I just noticed it.
34:07
It was really glaring. It's very obvious. She leans over and says,
34:12
hey, oh, by the way, Kristen, Brittany does by the way,
34:15
Kristen, Alex might be there tonight at the guy's David Buster thing.
34:21
And Kristen's like, excuse me, what why would he be there? And
34:25
Brittany's like, well, because Jackson and him are friends, And Kristen's like
34:30
since when and why does he need to be there? And then Britty's like,
34:32
well, you know, it's fine, Like it's you're not there,
34:36
so it's okay, and Britty's like. Kristen's like, I don't care.
34:39
That's fucked up that Jack's bringing it up because Luke's there, and then Brittany's
34:44
like, well maybe Luke shouldn't have been there, right, I'm like,
34:46
oh my god, do you see how she's running interference for Jacks. It's
34:51
ridiculous. So it's not just Jackson, we're not And I think Kristen in
34:53
this episode referred to Brittany as a saint, like, yeah, Jack's locked
34:58
out because he found a saint who would put up with his bullshit. No,
35:00
she's fucking full of bullshit too. She's running his defense. She's advocating
35:07
for Jacks. And I'm just like, how can you with a straight face
35:10
pretend that Jax was not malicious in inviting Alex And even Kristen's like, that's
35:15
absolutely malicious. We have Zach the gay guy. Is he wearing a wig?
35:21
Honey? I don't know is he wearing Does hair occur like that in
35:24
nature? Like his hairline is lower than Teresa do djays, it's like all
35:30
the way to his almost eyebrows, and it's so thick, I'm like,
35:34
is this a tape? I don't know. Oh my god, Okay,
35:37
something's going on. But in any event, he's just like, no,
35:38
Brittany, that was fucked up. Alex should not be there. And that's
35:43
when Brittany's like, well maybe Luke shouldn't be there. God Like, who
35:45
the fuck are you, Brittany? You shouldn't be here because I remind you
35:49
Beatrice. She actually orchestrated the meeting that she had with Jax Taylor the first
35:54
time she flew her happy ass from Kentucky to Las Vegas, where she knew
35:58
the VPR people were going to be just to meet Jax, to glom on
36:01
to Jack's and to never let him go. See that's to me. I'm
36:07
like, Britney just seems like she's hopelessly in love with Jack's what some reason
36:13
why? And she's trying to be a good wife by defending her husband and
36:15
defending the father of her child because she can't see because she's delusion that he's
36:22
a piece of shit. She's complicit in advancing a storyline. They talked about
36:25
this shit. Jax told her, well in advance, this is what I'm
36:29
gonna do. I'm gonna invite Alex. We're gonna continue to talk about Kristin
36:31
trying to get pregnant with Luke, and this is what we're gonna be doing,
36:35
and Brittany said yes, And Brittany is participating. Brittany knows what the
36:37
fuck she's doing. She's not an unconscious little Kentucky girl. No, she's
36:45
doing it on purpose to Kristin, and so is Jax. But then she's
36:47
gonna throw him under the bus later on in the season and talk about how
36:51
he's not fucking her, and then they're gonna break up. Yeah, I
36:53
don't know. So it's how we're gonna get there. I'm glad we are
36:55
gonna get there, But like I'm just saying, she's not as innocent as
36:58
she says. So Kristin says, well, this is malicious what Jack's is
37:02
doing, and then Jack and then Brittany says, well, isn't what you
37:07
did malicious? And then we get a five minutes later, Yeah, and
37:12
Zach is in the kitchen screaming to Michelle. I did not say that,
37:15
Is that what he said? Yeah? I did not say that. I
37:17
never said that, Michelle, right, And then everybody's kind of fighting and
37:22
then it says to be continued. Yeah, so I'm like, yes,
37:24
I think there's a bomb that's about to be dropped at the Girls' night.
37:29
Britney's attaining to drop it, and I think Kristen says something about Zach.
37:34
I think Zach knows something, saw something, said something, and in this
37:38
moment, Kristen is about to drop it and then everything explodes. Oh my
37:42
god, yes, give it to me. I want this drama, not
37:47
the weird Jack's you know, produced drama of bringing her ex over to Guys
37:52
Night DA. I mean, it's whatever, but it's like, so,
37:57
yeah, this is the I love when real shit comes out and nobody wanted
38:01
it to be on camera, and it is on camera, and then we
38:05
get to see the fights. I'm like, yes, injected into my face.
38:07
Very good, very good. So yeah, it seems like this season's
38:10
gonna pop off. Seems like there's gonna be some entertaining shit happening, some
38:15
breakups. Yeah, I'm into it. I am too if it means the
38:20
downfall of Jack's Taylor again, because he already had a downfall when he was
38:23
fired from VPR, and he was a perpetual antagonist and asshole on that show
38:29
like if it comes with the downfall of Jesse and Jack's I'm here for it,
38:34
I celebrate it, I love it, I love it, I breathe
38:36
it. Chef's kiss Now? Is there anything else that we need to say
38:39
to these beautiful raccoons before we go? Beatrice, Well, if you love
38:44
our podcast, I sure hope you go to your favorite podcast platform and leave
38:47
us a glowing five star review. It really helps us grow the pod.
38:52
So thank you so much. Oh my god, your voice is dying to
38:55
get you out of here. I know we filmed VPR right before this we
39:00
recorded it. We will be back next week to talk Seeking Sister Wife,
39:05
which is another crazy the TLC Crazy show, and continue with the Valley and
39:09
VPR until then, though, raccoons, please don't forget that we have nothing
39:15
but love for you, and please al light. Bye guys,