Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Parenting Season #4 - Older Teen/Young Adult (Pt. 3) | Ep. 15

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Parenting Season #4 - Older Teen/Young Adult (Pt. 3) | Ep. 15 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:59
  Cheryl: Moms, we have a little something different to start out this episode.
• 1:05
  Cheryl: I guess it's a little bonus material because last time we ended recording that episode, but we just kept the mix on and running and we just picked up.
• 1:16
  Cheryl: Our conversation that followed afterwards.
• 1:18
  Cheryl: And I just couldn't delete and so I thought I'd just stick here on the front of this episode.
• 1:26
  Cheryl: Because I'm wanting to make it available to you.
• 1:27
  Cheryl: I thought it was a great conversation.
• 1:29
  Cheryl: It was just really good stuff that we continued to talk about.
• 1:33
  Cheryl: So I just couldn't throw that in the editing delete bin.
• 1:37
  Cheryl: And so thought we'd just attach it here at the beginning.
• 1:41
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 1:41
  Christie: It's hard because you don't want to throw out good conversations.
• 1:44
  Christie: And when we run out of time, then we ran out of time, but
• 1:48
  Cheryl: Christie's here with me and it was just good Mattel.
• 1:52
  Christie: Yeah, I think we were all encouraged by what we are sharing
• 1:55
  Cheryl: with each other.
• 1:56
  Cheryl: And that's one of the things I love about this.
• 1:58
  Cheryl: I mean, through the weeks, that's one thing that I really enjoy because I think we together podcasting together, recording together, walk away
• 2:08
  Christie: encouraged.
• 2:09
  Christie: Yeah, just a peek behind the curtain for you listeners.
• 2:11
  Christie: These are the conversations we're having all the time anyway.
• 2:13
  Christie: So we just got to share with you guys.
• 2:16
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 2:16
  Cheryl: And, um, I wish sometimes suddenly there could be a microphone running because, oh, I love this, the conversation.
• 2:22
  Christie: Right?
• 2:23
  Christie: How many times a week do we say?
• 2:25
  Christie: Oh, well, let's do an episode on that in the middle of one of our conversations.
• 2:28
  Cheryl: All the time.
• 2:29
  Cheryl: As we're arranging this to go on this episode, it just reminds me again.
• 2:36
  Cheryl: Christie.
• 2:37
  Cheryl: I didn't know.
• 2:38
  Cheryl: The season would be as complex as
• 2:41
  Christie: yeah.
• 2:41
  Christie: In every area.
• 2:42
  Christie: And like, we're going to talk about today, specifically in finances and really seeing our children in those areas, but still being involved and being helpful as they're growing and just as our children that we love and want to help out as
• 2:57
  Cheryl: young adults.
• 2:59
  Cheryl: That's the wisdom of not treating it simplistically or simply like when they were little, your days are full and you're tired, physically, emotionally tired, too many words, maybe.
• 3:14
  Cheryl: but it is simpler and complex is what I would say that it starts becoming because we're beginning to deal with much more complex, wonderful individuals.
• 3:25
  Cheryl: That we love with all of our hearts.
• 3:27
  Christie: Yeah.
• 3:27
  Christie: And one of the things I look back in that season of life for myself, and I know I learned so much from challenges and hardships in those times of, you know, well, how are we going to pay this bill?
• 3:39
  Christie: And, you know, especially in marriage drawing, you know, closer to one another.
• 3:43
  Christie: And so you don't want to swoop in and rescue your kids on every matter.
• 3:46
  Christie: But, um, Yeah.
• 3:48
  Christie: The complexity of that, of knowing when to help, when to not, when, when to just extend a blessing to your
• 3:56
  Cheryl: yeah.
• 3:56
  Cheryl: And I remember that see us when we had our fifth, so he was a newborn and we still went all the way up to early teens.
• 4:07
  Cheryl: So I, I stretched through all these seasons.
• 4:10
  Cheryl: And I can remember trying to process and figure out why do I feel so stretched?
• 4:18
  Cheryl: I felt just pulled all the time and it wasn't even really I mean, it wasn't a hard time period.
• 4:25
  Cheryl: We were in, I go, this is pretty straight forward.
• 4:28
  Cheryl: I mean, I had done four children and he's just adding in and everybody loves and I've got helpers now.
• 4:32
  Cheryl: I have older.
• 4:33
  Cheryl: Why do I feel so stretched and Christy, what I realized is having feet in different seasons, it was sort of like a wishbone, right?
• 4:44
  Cheryl: Like felt that pool in the two different you're spinning a lot of different plates.
• 4:49
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:49
  Cheryl: And so the little ones needed this time from me and they needed this and the blocks and the diapers and the, you know, let's share blah, blah, blah, all of that.
• 4:59
  Cheryl: And then my young teens needed.
• 5:02
  Cheryl: Me in a different way.
• 5:03
  Cheryl: And they needed for me, not always to be changing diapers and focusing, but taking them places and, and then really focusing on them.
• 5:13
  Cheryl: And so that was my learning curve.
• 5:15
  Cheryl: And.
• 5:15
  Cheryl: That pull tension, yours.
• 5:19
  Cheryl: We're all kind of gripped together.
• 5:20
  Cheryl: So have you ever had that?
• 5:22
  Christie: Yeah, I mean, my span, my four girls span over seven years, so a little bit of that, it, depending on the time, the age frame, um, but different needs for sure.
• 5:33
  Christie: Um, even not just age wise.
• 5:36
  Christie: Even what we're talking about in this conversation, we're going to share today.
• 5:39
  Christie: Different kids have different needs and you can't always do the same for every child because their, um, their maturity is different.
• 5:49
  Christie: Their circumstances are different.
• 5:50
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 5:52
  Cheryl: A lot of times it's when I'm in something hard.
• 5:55
  Cheryl: I wish that God would open the door and let me see in the future to know how it's going to work out.
• 5:59
  Cheryl: That would be nice.
• 6:00
  Cheryl: But then when he doesn't, I'm always thankful on the other side that he didn't because I would have been so overwhelmed.
• 6:07
  Cheryl: With some of the newer challenges that I wasn't ready for earlier, if that makes sense.
• 6:12
  Cheryl: So like what I was talking about when Jonathan was a baby and that stretch there, once I understood it, that's what made the difference when I realized what it was, a lot of the stress was reduced because I understood what was going on, but that was nothing compared to when I had teenagers and all of that after we lost.
• 6:35
  Cheryl: Because honestly, and I know you walked through some of it, with me, Christie, I thought that wishbone was going to break.
• 6:42
  Cheryl: I felt like wild horses.
• 6:44
  Cheryl: We're pulling both directions.
• 6:46
  Cheryl: And because when I lost bill, it wasn't like one parent was lost.
• 6:51
  Cheryl: It was like, this was a 10 parent job and I lost nine of them.
• 6:55
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 6:56
  Cheryl: And I have such empathy and understanding for single moms.
• 7:00
  Cheryl: And I can remember many times, so many times, but I remember one time in particular, we were standing talking in the kitchen.
• 7:09
  Cheryl: And this child was saying, but mom, I need this.
• 7:12
  Cheryl: You've got to help me in a desert.
• 7:13
  Cheryl: And Anna and the other one was standing there.
• 7:15
  Cheryl: And these were both early teens, I think, but no, you need to do this.
• 7:19
  Cheryl: Now you have to come here.
• 7:20
  Cheryl: Now I need you to do this.
• 7:21
  Cheryl: And I mean, the wild horses were pulling on the legs of that wishbone.
• 7:25
  Cheryl: I just thought, I don't know what to do.
• 7:29
  Cheryl: I don't know what to do.
• 7:30
  Cheryl: I have so many needs pulling on me and I just had to say, stop, stop.
• 7:36
  Cheryl: And.
• 7:37
  Cheryl: I just again to said, God, I don't know what to do.
• 7:42
  Cheryl: And I kind of wanted to be rescued out of it, but I'll tell you the real truth.
• 7:47
  Cheryl: I was rescued through it.
• 7:49
  Cheryl: And.
• 7:50
  Cheryl: It was part of my children's development also because I thought it was just a throwaway, you know, that they go, boy, my mother really struggled with all that, but I see now in this new season of all adult children, I've seen how all of that stuff built into them and how it makes them who they are.
• 8:09
  Christie: Because you are modeling, walking through hardship for them.
• 8:13
  Christie: They were watching in real time, what it looks like for a grown adult to walk through a really hard thing
• 8:19
  Cheryl: and not know what to do.
• 8:22
  Christie: And that's an encouragement to me just thinking, I, you know, it wasn't too much longer after that, that we came into friendship and I got to watch you as I was a younger mom with younger kids, and that's a little bit of an insight for me.
• 8:38
  Christie: From my perspective, you had it all together.
• 8:40
  Christie: You were doing all the things perfectly.
• 8:42
  Christie: And I just wanted to be like Cheryl.
• 8:44
  Christie: And to know that the real situation was, you didn't know what to do.
• 8:49
  Christie: Just like there were situations, I didn't know what to do with my little ones.
• 8:53
  Christie: And yeah.
• 8:54
  Christie: And I think that's kind of what this conversation that we're going to share with our listeners today.
• 8:58
  Christie: What we want to offer is.
• 9:01
  Christie: The glimpse that we're all figuring this out in real time.
• 9:05
  Christie: And that's what motherhood really.
• 9:07
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 9:08
  Cheryl: And I wasn't trying to cover it all up.
• 9:11
  Cheryl: I thought it was obvious.
• 9:12
  Cheryl: Right.
• 9:13
  Cheryl: I flounder, you know, that's why, I mean, we've gotten into this, but that's how we talk about figuring out what your priorities and your big rocks are and slow down.
• 9:24
  Cheryl: And in that particular instance, I just said, kids, I've got to slow it down.
• 9:28
  Cheryl: Let me walk out.
• 9:29
  Cheryl: Give me a few minutes and I'll come back and we'll work this out.
• 9:32
  Cheryl: But, I didn't know to do that, but I just thought I have got to get away.
• 9:36
  Cheryl: It
• 9:36
  Christie: was just no necessity at that point.
• 9:38
  Christie: Yeah.
• 9:39
  Christie: Well, and I love that about the group, the four of us in this podcasting room, because we all have different circumstances.
• 9:46
  Christie: We all have different priorities.
• 9:47
  Christie: We have different big rocks that we choose to prioritize.
• 9:51
  Christie: But they all point to the same purpose of raising our children, loving them, well, pouring our lives out for them.
• 10:00
  Christie: And I love that we all have our own nuanced way of doing those things and our own styles.
• 10:06
  Christie: Um, but the focus is still the same.
• 10:08
  Cheryl: Susan another great conversation.
• 10:11
  Cheryl: We didn't know what was going to go.
• 10:13
  Cheryl: We were just introducing the bonus material and now you've got more bonus material and I am so thankful to be doing this with you, Christie.
• 10:22
  Christie: Oh man.
• 10:23
  Christie: It's been such a joy just knowing the encouragement I've received from you and ladies that have gone before me and hoping that we can offer some of that encouragement and hope to moms that are listening
• 10:34
  Cheryl: moms.
• 10:35
  Cheryl: We're not saying that as a catchphrase, we really don't want to help you flourish and to bring your hope, not package a pantsers and ship them to you.
• 10:45
  Cheryl: So now you've got to already gotten some bonus material.
• 10:49
  Cheryl: So listen, this is end of that conversation where the mikes were running.
• 10:52
  Cheryl: We were talking what like finances, how to dealing with finances with our older teens and releasing young adults.
• 11:01
  Cheryl: And then we'll just jump into the rest of today's epic.
• 11:04
  Christie: Sounds
• 11:04
  Danae: like we all need to be having a lot of conversations with our children about these issues and don't just spring it on them.
• 11:12
  Danae: Right.
• 11:12
  Ellen: And have the conversation with your husband or your significant other, whoever's helping you parent so that you're in sync together.
• 11:19
  Ellen: And, and you're in agreement because sometimes in a relationship, one parent is more generous than the other parent.
• 11:26
  Ellen: And so you have to take those factors in and, um, and if you have grandparents attend to slip money, kind of talk to them about, I mean, it's ultimately their choice if they want to do that, but you know, that can sometimes undermine what you're trying to do.
• 11:40
  Ellen: So I think there's a lot of things you have to discuss amongst the adults.
• 11:44
  Ellen: And then you're able to kind of formulate the ideas that you want to pass onto the kids.
• 11:49
  Christie: Yeah.
• 11:49
  Christie: You said generous.
• 11:50
  Christie: I think it's good to remember to that, to make the expectations clear, but that doesn't mean you can't be generous in fun ways.
• 11:57
  Christie: You know, you can have requirements that they're expected to do, but then treat them in fun ways too, because that's something that I've struggled with.
• 12:05
  Christie: I don't want them to not feel like I want to do special things for them, but I still want to teach them
• 12:08
  Danae: responsibility.
• 12:09
  Danae: That's something fun that you like to do for them or with them.
• 12:12
  Danae: Like
• 12:13
  Christie: we like to do surprise coffee dates or, you know, just fun family things.
• 12:18
  Christie: Or if I know that they really are wanting a new pair of jeans, but they don't need it if I want to and enabled and you know, something fun like that.
• 12:27
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 12:28
  Cheryl: It's interesting.
• 12:28
  Cheryl: Cause y'all brought it up.
• 12:31
  Cheryl: Having done most of my parenting teen years and into all of my into adult years as a widowed mom, um, I actually had several mothers, that came to me and said, I'm kind of envious of you because finances were limited.
• 12:51
  Cheryl: And my life was a budget and they some kind of envious because our kids know we have the financial wherewithal and I don't quite have the guts to do what you're doing to equip them like Ellen saying, I can help this much.
• 13:08
  Cheryl: The rest is on you.
• 13:09
  Cheryl: If you're going to drive, you have to pay for this and, and not indulging them.
• 13:13
  Christie: Yeah.
• 13:14
  Christie: Uh, all of our girls bought their own cars.
• 13:16
  Christie: And that was just, you know, in our community, not heard of, and, but they all say, now they're so glad that they did because it gave them that sense of dignity and pride.
• 13:27
  Christie: Like,
• 13:29
  Ellen: yeah, this is mine.
• 13:30
  Ellen: And if I wreck it, it hurts.
• 13:33
  Cheryl: Right.
• 13:33
  Cheryl: Right.
• 13:34
  Cheryl: one Of mine said about.
• 13:36
  Cheryl: The uh, and this was later teens.
• 13:38
  Cheryl: So these are the kids that have cars and into their late teens and said I can tell.
• 13:45
  Cheryl: I know who pays for their insurance and who's paid for their cars just by the way they act and who's doing it themselves.
• 13:52
  Cheryl: And then, uh, same thing.
• 13:53
  Cheryl: One of mine said on campus, I can point out to you and say, this person is working hard and earning their way through scholarships or having to contribute to it.
• 14:03
  Cheryl: These people aren't.
• 14:04
  Cheryl: So even there as peers, they could see the character and the attitudes, um, cause this is tough, what we're talking about, but this is a good, great way to draw boundaries for all of our.
• 14:19
  Danae: Um, so it sounds like we need to have some strategies and be thinking of it beforehand, you know, cause we may be doing all things different.
• 14:27
  Danae: You know, I know my kids, like they didn't pay for their college, the ones that went and like they did great and were successful.
• 14:34
  Danae: And probably because there were some other areas that they were being held accountable, you know?
• 14:39
  Danae: So I think it is about Charlotte.
• 14:41
  Danae: You're talking about it's accountability, it's about responsibility and ownership and having those conversations with them and knowing maybe each child's a little different to that, what they need to help them grow into adulthood.
• 14:54
  Ellen: And it's almost harder if you have the means to help your children, if you don't, your children know, oh my parents can help.
• 15:02
  Ellen: They only make this much money, but the more money that you make, the more can be expected from you because it doesn't dent your budget if you pay for certain things.
• 15:12
  Ellen: And so by helping them understand why we have boundaries and financial.
• 15:18
  Ellen: You know, and you teach that to your children when you go out.
• 15:20
  Ellen: Oh, I like that purse.
• 15:21
  Ellen: Well, why don't you buy it, mom?
• 15:23
  Ellen: No, it's not in my budget.
• 15:25
  Ellen: I could have bought it if I wanted it, but we didn't budget for it.
• 15:27
  Ellen: That's good.
• 15:28
  Ellen: You know, those little learning things.
• 15:33
  Cheryl (2): So glad you're back here, the parenting podcast, and we have the three of you again, uh, Denae and Christie and Ellen, joining us as we're talking about in this frigid room
• 15:46
  Danae: has icicles.
• 15:50
  Cheryl: We're talking about the releasing years of late teen years and then the rest of their life, young adulthood into adulthood having that relationship.
• 15:59
  Cheryl: And this has been so fun.
• 16:02
  Danae: Yeah.
• 16:02
  Danae: I've been thinking about what we talked about last week and it seems like so much of it is coming down to our communication with our young adults.
• 16:11
  Danae: And during this time, what do you all think about that?
• 16:14
  Danae: Oh
• 16:14
  Ellen: yeah.
• 16:14
  Ellen: That's, that can be really hurtful for both people.
• 16:19
  Ellen: If things are miscommunicated and misunderstood and it's kind of a tenuous time because your young adult really wants to go and your heart's kind of breaking that they're going.
• 16:32
  Ellen: And so there's so many emotions involved.
• 16:35
  Cheryl: Well, we have said all along, if we could redo everything, we would make our relationship.
• 16:42
  Cheryl: Healthy relationships, the center of our parenting and have that be a relationship and communication is number one in relationships because we perceive different things.
• 16:53
  Cheryl: And so, because someone doesn't say something doesn't mean they, how they perceive it, it is awkward.
• 16:58
  Cheryl: And because they're either in the process of leaving the nest or they've left it, we don't have the hours that we had every day through their childhood.
• 17:09
  Cheryl: So this is a whole new realm of how to communicate.
• 17:13
  Cheryl: I had
• 17:13
  Christie: a good conversation with one of my girls, not too long ago.
• 17:16
  Christie: And at the end, you know, I thought it went really well.
• 17:20
  Christie: And I thought she did too, but I didn't realize how well she came back to me and she said, We agree on a lot more on that topic, then I realized, yeah, I've made assumptions of where I would stand on some of those topics.
• 17:34
  Christie: And because of those assumptions, you know, without having a good conversation about it, she didn't know.
• 17:40
  Christie: And, and it's mutual.
• 17:41
  Christie: It could go the other way too, but yeah, communication makes all the
• 17:45
  Danae: difference.
• 17:47
  Danae: Yeah.
• 17:47
  Danae: No big deal with communication that I find that even though, you know, we are developing this new, more adult-like relationship that a lot of times.
• 17:57
  Danae: To have to spend the most of my time listening, you know, I'm coming so far now out of the role of being the one to teach and to train.
• 18:08
  Danae: And I want just to let my adult children know that I'm interested in them, I want to get to know them.
• 18:15
  Danae: And so I spent a lot of time listening, um, and not giving, you know, that advice, right?
• 18:21
  Danae: I mean, how well does that go for you all to be
• 18:23
  Cheryl: giving advice?
• 18:24
  Cheryl: Well, and it's such a huge switch because if you think of all the years of parenting, we were giving out so much.
• 18:31
  Cheryl: I mean, even just sit up straight, you know, whatever it is, would you please go pick up the laundry basket?
• 18:36
  Cheryl: And I mean, there was just so much conversation.
• 18:39
  Cheryl: And then we were the adults leading the conversations.
• 18:42
  Cheryl: We were trying to bring things out, all of that.
• 18:45
  Cheryl: And again, the roles and the situation.
• 18:49
  Cheryl: Have changed.
• 18:49
  Cheryl: And if we don't change with it, that's what we've talked about.
• 18:53
  Cheryl: Relationship breaker.
• 18:54
  Cheryl: It's a relationship breaker.
• 18:55
  Cheryl: If I think I should be talking as much as I did previously with my kids and
• 19:00
  Danae: letting go of that agenda.
• 19:02
  Cheryl: Well, that's good.
• 19:03
  Cheryl: What my agenda is to love them better.
• 19:05
  Cheryl: That's the, to be, uh, oh, where did I heard the great phrase?
• 19:11
  Cheryl: And it was saying we need to change, and this is not just parenting.
• 19:15
  Cheryl: This was in life.
• 19:15
  Cheryl: And I'm trying to develop this, that we want to quit focusing on being so interesting and become interested.
• 19:24
  Christie: I love that
• 19:34
  Ellen: and no matter what releasing is hard, it's hard on our adulting child and it's hard on us.
• 19:42
  Ellen: And if we go into an understanding that it's hard, it's going to take some seasons of learning because it comes at different levels.
• 19:49
  Ellen: It's not like one day you wake up and push the baby bird out of the nest.
• 19:53
  Ellen: It's, you know, in different ways, some kids run as fast as they can and leave you in the dust.
• 20:00
  Ellen: Other kids, you have to push a little bit.
• 20:02
  Ellen: So each child and each relationship is going to be different and we're all grieving.
• 20:08
  Ellen: Our kids don't look like they're grieving because they're looking ahead to their future and the excitement of life.
• 20:14
  Ellen: And we're kind of left in the way.
• 20:16
  Ellen: So we have to make sure we understand that.
• 20:18
  Ellen: So then we're not clinging to their coat tails and trying to drag them back in.
• 20:23
  Cheryl: It's really true.
• 20:24
  Cheryl: And it was fantastic.
• 20:26
  Christie: Absolutely.
• 20:27
  Cheryl: And as I'm listening to and evaluating my relationships And what I'm learning and trying to put into practice is a lot of times those whole birdies would like to tell us more, but we react too much or we bring our agenda or we're not listening.
• 20:45
  Cheryl: And what I am learning, the more I listen and I choose to be interested.
• 20:50
  Cheryl: One of the things I discussed.
• 20:51
  Cheryl: As I'm trying to walk in this to listen more.
• 20:55
  Cheryl: And of course advice you know, what's the great phrase, unsolicited advice is viewed as criticism because they're trying to be independent.
• 21:06
  Cheryl: And now I look back at it, I would have felt the same way if my parents had done it.
• 21:10
  Cheryl: Right.
• 21:10
  Cheryl: And, you know, sounds like your parents were more intrusive and they would give their unsolicited advice.
• 21:16
  Cheryl: I'm amazed.
• 21:16
  Cheryl: My parents did a great job of not doing that.
• 21:19
  Cheryl: And as I'm beginning to walk in this, then my children are feel safer.
• 21:25
  Cheryl: They're not condemned.
• 21:27
  Cheryl: They don't feel like I'm on a, front-load all the advice that maybe I did when they were six and eight and 10, 12 years old.
• 21:33
  Cheryl: And that they're opening up and having conversation.
• 21:36
  Ellen: One of the things that I did as my kids got into later teens, early adulthood, I asked them, do you want my advice?
• 21:43
  Ellen: And lots of times they would say no.
• 21:46
  Ellen: And then
• 21:46
  Danae: that was it that, you know, I remember one time asking one of mine, they were talking and talking, I kept trying to just say something.
• 21:53
  Danae: I wasn't even going to advice.
• 21:55
  Danae: And they just kind of kept cutting me short and I'd finally just looked at them and said, are you wanting a conversation?
• 22:01
  Danae: Are you just wanting to talk?
• 22:02
  Danae: And he writes and they were like, yeah, mom, I just want to talk.
• 22:07
  Danae: And it was kind of shocking.
• 22:09
  Danae: I almost take it personally
• 22:10
  Cheryl: almost,
• 22:13
  Ellen: but those are the good conversations, you know,
• 22:15
  Cheryl: Recently I've actually put this into practice and I'm amazed.
• 22:19
  Cheryl: It kind of works.
• 22:20
  Cheryl: Now you have to let them come on their own, and we can't do it.
• 22:24
  Cheryl: So we get the fruit.
• 22:25
  Cheryl: We've talked about this before.
• 22:26
  Cheryl: I can't do it to manipulate them at as I'm beginning to walk into.
• 22:31
  Cheryl: And we're developing more mature relationships and they do feel safe that they can talk about things like you're saying where we do disagree or find that we have more common ground and area that they might not have had previously.
• 22:45
  Cheryl: Um, one of my children is making a really big decision about what they're going to do in their future, whether they're going to work in a certain area or pursue some further education and how they're going to handle it.
• 22:58
  Cheryl: And I just waited and listened to him.
• 23:00
  Cheryl: Listen, it was amazing.
• 23:01
  Cheryl: I listened to listen to a lot and then felt like it was the right time.
• 23:06
  Cheryl: And I said, I would like to process this with you.
• 23:10
  Cheryl: And then if you don't mind and to sure.
• 23:12
  Cheryl: So we sat down and we said all the other agenda side, and I just looked at him and said, okay, I'm coming to this as your friend, not as your mom.
• 23:23
  Cheryl: So I'm not trying to come in on top of you.
• 23:27
  Cheryl: Um, I just love you and I want to help you flourish.
• 23:31
  Cheryl: And I wanted to process this with you.
• 23:33
  Cheryl: And it was an amazing conversation that three years ago, we couldn't have had because of the agendas I hadn't developed probably, um, the right to speak into it.
• 23:46
  Cheryl: And it was fantastic.
• 23:48
  Cheryl: And, but I had to do what you're saying.
• 23:52
  Cheryl: I had to be a listener for a long time to earn the right to speak into it.
• 23:58
  Christie: Yeah.
• 23:58
  Christie: That's really encouraging to me because mine are just entering this young adult phase.
• 24:03
  Christie: And so to know that just because they don't want that advice right now doesn't mean that I'm not earning some trust and respect with them over time.
• 24:12
  Christie: Absolutely.
• 24:13
  Cheryl (2): And unfortunately we're out of time again,
• 24:17
  Cheryl: this is so fun.
• 24:19
  Cheryl: Let's come back in next time and let's continue this.
• 24:22
  Cheryl: Cause we bought up huge issue to that this, all of these let's come back in.
• 24:27
  Cheryl: Let's hash this out some more.
• 24:29
  Cheryl: So moms remember, hang in there.
• 24:32
  Cheryl: Keep loving, keep persevering because it's.
• 24:35
  Cheryl: Yes, it is.