Latest / Dear Chelsea / Minisode: Verging on Lesbian with Chelsea + Catherine

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Minisode: Verging on Lesbian with Chelsea + Catherine · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, how's it going.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Hi Chelsea, It's going pretty good. It's going pretty good.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: I have a follow up, okay, and it is a
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: wild one. So this is Victoria who called in on
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: our Caramo Brown episode. She was in this situation where
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: she like had a couple kids I think with her
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: baby daddy and loved him in a platonic way, but
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: wasn't in love with him anymore. And she was like,
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: I'm basically bisexual verging on lesbian and want to experiment
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: over there and kind of.
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: Had started doing lesbian verging Alred, we all.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: Verging on lesbian. So yeah, she was sort of ready
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: to blow up her life and leave. And the advice
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: was like, it's time, Like if you if you keep
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: cheating with women, like it's time. So I asked her
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: what's been up? She said, Oh my god, girl, it's
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: been a rollercoaster. It's a very long story, so good
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: luck editing it.
• 0:50
  Speaker 4: Ha ha.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: Did I take Chelsea and Cromo's advice?
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: Yes and no. I've listened to every episode, and I'd
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: say it was one of the more more harsh reactions
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: to a listener's problem than most even my girlfriends that
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: I shared the episode with were like, damn, they gave
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: it to you. I continued to try and date girls
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: and even got a little serious with one. We went
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: on several dates, including going to her place where she
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: cooked me pasta, and it ended in a lovely makeout session.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: But even though my baby daddy was aware of the
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: entire thing and knew I had a dating app specifically
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: for hooking up with girls, he still made a huge
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: fuss about it and was truly hurt by it. Shit
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: has now seriously hit the fan because I headed to
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: beautiful northern California for my dear one hundred and three
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: year old grandma's funeral a few months ago and ended
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: up meeting a guy gasp while out there. It was
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: truly love it for a sight. He wasn't looking for love,
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: and I sure as hell wasn't looking for love with
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: a man, but he fit my male physical type completely.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: I take it as my sainted grandmother's party gift to me.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: She lived in a teeny tiny town and never ever
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: have I ever run into such a beautiful man in
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: the many many times I have visited over the years.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: Because I was with.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: Family, we didn't really get to hang out while I
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: was in town, but I got his number and literally
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: the next day we made plans to meet up in La.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: He would fly down from NorCal and I would fly
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: from the East coast. Fast forward a month, baby Daddy
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: finds out about him and I had to cancel my trip.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: This new guy is such a peach that he changed
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: his fight and plans around and flew out to me instead.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: We had the most amazing weekend together and officially started
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: our relationship. It gets crazier. We decided he would come
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: out to me again for my birthday, which would be
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: a couple of months later, but in the meantime I
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: decided that would be too long, so I planned a
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: surprise trip out to see him, along with a surprise engagement.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: We were at a restaurant and I hopped on the
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: band's mic professed my love to him in front of
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: the entire small town of seven thousand people. Gave him
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: a ring, and he eagerly said yes. I hired a
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: photographer and we took the most amazing pictures. Unfortunately, I
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: have two kids and he has two kids, so neither
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: of us have the ability to move across the country
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: for the other with our respective baby parents, but we're
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: so in love and so committed. He knows I'm by
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: and although he's not enthusiastic about sharing me, he knows
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: that possibly bringing a girl into the bed room would
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: bring me joy, and he's okay with that. His only
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: boundary is me hooking up with other guys, which I
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: have zero intention of doing. So yes, I still want
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: to explore things with girls, but now I've found true love,
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: and if it happens with women, I know my partner
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: will be okay with it. I drunkenly made out with
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: a female coworker recently, and he brushed it off as nothing,
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: so I can confirm this is the case.
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: As far as baby Daddy goes.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: We still live together because we own our house together
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: and it needs work, so we can't just sell it tomorrow.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: We live in a high cost area and neither of
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: us could buy the other out or afford mortgage ann rents,
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: so I'm stuck in this terrible living situation until we
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: fix up the house and sell it, which I'm in
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: the process of doing while also applying to school, working
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: full time, maintaining some sort of social life, juggling a
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: long distance fiance, and taking care of two kids. Let
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: me know if you have any follow up questions. XO, Victoria.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: And there's Jesus picture for it with the very hot guy.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: It just turns out very hot into your boyfriend period.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Like I fucking told you, didn't I tell her that?
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah? That was the thing.
• 3:54
  Speaker 5: Really, guys, Okay, so it takes another match for you
• 3:58
  Speaker 5: to realize that you have to get out of your situation.
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: I guess so, I guess so.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: I love how men are, Like it's okay if you
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: hook up with women but not another man. That's how
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: little they think of women. Yes, oh you can sat
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: with a girl, but you can't cheat with a guy.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Why what's the fucking difference.
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: I know it's a little homophobic too, because it's like,
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: well that's not real.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yess that is. It totally is. It's all kinds
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: of there's all sorts of wrong things with that.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: Well, Victoria, I wish you the best.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: I do too, Victoria.
• 4:25
  Speaker 5: And it sounds like you do need a harsh critic,
• 4:27
  Speaker 5: So I'm here for you whenever you need one.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: All right, follow up with us when when, if anything changes?
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: This is kind of an interesting one. I'm interested in
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: your perspective. On this, Michelle says, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: and I have been together for about eight years and
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: have lived together for the last two and a half. Recently,
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: issues with our blended family have come to a head,
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: and We've decided to live separately. Even though I'm the
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: one that initiated this, I'm having a hard time with it.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: It seems like a step back, not forward. He has
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: a twenty two year old son who lives with us
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: and a twenty four year old daughter who doesn't, and
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: I have a thirteen year old daughter. I can't say
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: one specific thing that has happened to come to this decision.
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: Is more like death by a thousand cuts. I have
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: come to terms with us living apart, and what I'm
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: having a hard time with is how to move forward
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: and make things work with me and my boyfriend. He
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: thinks my daughter is rude and has made it clear
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: that he doesn't think he'll ever be able to have
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: a relationship with her. I'm not going to say that
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: she's perfect and never talks back, but as far as
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: thirteen year old girls go, I think she's better than most.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: He brings a lot of value to my life, and
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: we have a lot of fun together. I'm feeling a
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: bit stuck. Do I just see how things go. Maybe
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: when she's out of the teen years, it will get better.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: I appreciate any help.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Michelle Hi, Michelle Hi, how's it going good? How you
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: doing good? I have a friend who just went through
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: this exact same situation.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: They had a blended family.
• 5:46
  Speaker 5: She has a son, and her partner had a daughter,
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: and a son has a daughter and a son. They
• 5:52
  Speaker 5: were trying to move in together. They tried to blend
• 5:54
  Speaker 5: their families together, and it was a no go.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: There was no gelling happening between the kids.
• 6:00
  Speaker 5: So they ended up buying a house, like a house
• 6:02
  Speaker 5: for them to be in in the middle and like
• 6:04
  Speaker 5: to share, and then they each and then they had
• 6:07
  Speaker 5: another house and basically it just all kind of fell apart.
• 6:11
  Speaker 5: They didn't break up. They stayed together and just let
• 6:14
  Speaker 5: it go. They're like, it's not going to work. We're
• 6:16
  Speaker 5: not going to live together, we're not blending our families.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: It's just not working. Now they're engaged to get married,
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: so they just gave it a year or two.
• 6:25
  Speaker 5: Everything calmed down, the kids got a little bit older,
• 6:29
  Speaker 5: everything started to gel and by being a part it
• 6:32
  Speaker 5: actually magnified the reason that they were together in.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: The first place.
• 6:35
  Speaker 5: They didn't break up, they stayed together, just like you
• 6:37
  Speaker 5: and your boyfriend are going to stay together. So what
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: I would say to you is, don't be attached to
• 6:43
  Speaker 5: the idea of the fact that you're like separating and
• 6:46
  Speaker 5: living in different houses, that that's going to have that
• 6:49
  Speaker 5: you're breaking up.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: You're not.
• 6:51
  Speaker 5: You're doing what's right for your families and for your kids,
• 6:54
  Speaker 5: and you can still have in some senses an even
• 6:57
  Speaker 5: stronger romantic relationship because you don't live together.
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, that's what I'm hoping for. I you know,
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: I feel like what we're doing now just doesn't work right.
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: So it's either gonna you know, make it or break it.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 7:14
  Speaker 4: Maybe it's just time will tell. But you know, we
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: have been together for eight years, and if he hasn't
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: been able to form a relationship with my daughter yet,
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: like I'm just if it's been eight years, then he
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: hasn't formed a relationship with her, like it is he
• 7:32
  Speaker 4: going to be able to?
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: And then my friend had the same problem with it.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: This is the same exact thing.
• 7:38
  Speaker 5: She wanted this man to be the father that her
• 7:41
  Speaker 5: son never had and it's just not going to be
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: what she had imagined. There is a relationship there, But
• 7:50
  Speaker 5: I understand what you're saying, but I think you have
• 7:53
  Speaker 5: to not put so much pressure on their relationship, especially
• 7:57
  Speaker 5: if you guys aren't living together, Like, you can't force
• 8:01
  Speaker 5: a relationship like that, And yeah, while it's not your ideal,
• 8:05
  Speaker 5: is it worth breaking up over it?
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Like, does she dislike him your daughter?
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: No, I don't think it's that she dislikes him. I
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: think it's almost like she's just kind of indifferent.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: I guess, uh huh.
• 8:17
  Speaker 5: Well, maybe if the pressure is taken off of the situation,
• 8:20
  Speaker 5: that allows them to have a much more natural organic
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: She's only getting older and more mature, so the chances
• 8:26
  Speaker 5: of them connecting and having a more calm, respectful relationship
• 8:31
  Speaker 5: are bound to increase with age and her maturity, Right,
• 8:35
  Speaker 5: and with the pressure taken off of the situation, I
• 8:40
  Speaker 5: really believe that will yield better results.
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, grown men like don't know what to do with
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: a thirteen Like they don't know what to do.
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: What to do with many things, So I wouldn't worry
• 8:53
  Speaker 5: about that, and don't put so much pressure on their relationship, Like,
• 8:56
  Speaker 5: take a step back from that and focus on your
• 8:58
  Speaker 5: relationship with your daughter.
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and I think you know, when we do move out,
• 9:02
  Speaker 4: you know, looking forward to it just being us and
• 9:06
  Speaker 4: all the things that come along with that. Yeah, she's
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: at the age where she like shares my clothes and like,
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: can you know she'll be able to just kind of
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: come and go out of my room, Like it'll just
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: be a little different.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you're and you're never gonna get that time
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: back with your daughter, So enjoy that. This guy's going
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: to be around. He's been around for eight years. You
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: can have you know what I mean. Focus on your
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: time with your daughter and make sure that she knows
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: you're there for her.
• 9:30
  Speaker 5: That's even more important overall is that you're leaving, you know,
• 9:34
  Speaker 5: moving out for the benefit you know, of.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: Her really so that you can be with her, like their.
• 9:39
  Speaker 5: Relationship isn't Is that how it's being presented to her? Like,
• 9:42
  Speaker 5: how is it being presented to your daughter?
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: I presented it to her like it's just not working
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: for anybody, which is great truth. It's not working for
• 9:51
  Speaker 4: you know, him, his son, me, my day. It's not
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: working for anybody. So that's kind of how I presented it.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: And that's a great, that's great parenting.
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you're putting aside your needs and wants for what's
• 10:02
  Speaker 5: best for you and your child.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: And that's what you should be doing. Yeah, so great,
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: that's good. This is a good thing. This isn't a
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: negative thing.
• 10:09
  Speaker 5: You're not breaking up. It's all positive. It's all in
• 10:12
  Speaker 5: a sign of maturity, Like, don't hold on to the
• 10:15
  Speaker 5: idea that they have to have this relationship that you envision.
• 10:19
  Speaker 5: That is not what's going to happen. They're going to
• 10:21
  Speaker 5: have a relationship. I mean it will most likely improve
• 10:23
  Speaker 5: over time. I know it's already been eight years, but she's.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: How old is she now?
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: Thirteen?
• 10:28
  Speaker 5: Okay, so there you go. So that's perfect. So take
• 10:31
  Speaker 5: this time with her, treasure it. Enjoy yourself, Enjoy the
• 10:34
  Speaker 5: distance of not having to sleep in the same bed
• 10:36
  Speaker 5: with your fucking boyfriend every night.
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: Also, right, Yeah, and your daughter is going to be
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: stoked to have you all to herself all the while.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: This is all I think. It is all good things.
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, I feel good about
• 10:48
  Speaker 4: the decision. I was, you know, leading up to I
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: was like going back and forth, but then when I
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: finally made the decision, like you know, I like, I like.
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: This is one. I don't have any doubts that I
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: don't want to move out. This is definitely what I
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: want to do.
• 11:06
  Speaker 5: Good.
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, Michelle, thank you for calling in.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: All right, Thanks guys, bye bye, take care. Well that
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: was an interesting one.
• 11:14
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: I like a modern family.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I do too.
• 11:17
  Speaker 5: Okay, and we're wrapped on another episode of Dear Chelsea.
• 11:20
  Speaker 5: Thanks guys for listening. Come see me, Come see me live.
• 11:22
  Speaker 5: It's going to be a good time.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Guys. Bye.
• 11:24
  Speaker 5: I just announced all my tour dates. They just went
• 11:26
  Speaker 5: on sale. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I
• 11:30
  Speaker 5: will be starting in February of next year, so I
• 11:34
  Speaker 5: will be touring from February through June.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: So go get your tickets now. If you want to
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: come see me perform, I will be on the High
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: and Mighty Tour.
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: Do you want advice from Chelsea?
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be sure
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com