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Bonus IMPROV - I Even Breathed in Pool Water · Very Fine Friends

0:00
welcome to friends like us bonus improv oh yeah yeah uh joe can we get a suggestion please
0:26
litigation oh litigation perfect because you're a lawyer yes this is tailored to me
0:33
oh i was thinking about lawyers today actually oh you know the husband and wife law team yeah
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um i was thinking i'm more of a law tigers kind of gal myself but yeah it's good to have a rolodex
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of yeah lawyers yeah i was thinking that um the best to get the best lawyer what you really need
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is for them to get divorced
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and then for them to hire their own attorneys
0:59
and then to hire the one that won.
1:01
Yeah.
1:02
Because then you really know.
1:03
Yeah.
1:04
That's who they picked.
1:05
Yep.
1:08
Have you ever seen in movies or whatever
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or read about the strategy of people are getting divorced
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and then you meet with all the lawyers in town
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so there's a conflict of interest?
1:20
Oh, yeah.
1:21
Oh, yeah.
1:22
Yeah.
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It's hot.
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I know.
1:23
It is kind of hot.
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It's like a...
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It's mobby behavior.
1:26
I like it, though.
1:27
Yeah, it's smart.
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Yeah.
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It's so expensive.
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Hey.
1:34
All's fair in divorce and lawyers.
1:37
I would just try not to get divorced, even if I hated them.
1:41
That would be ideal.
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Yeah.
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But, you know, we live in a fallen world.
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We do.
1:48
Yeah.
1:48
Yeah.
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How many people do you think when they get married and they say, like,
1:53
the death do us part.
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How many people do you think genuinely believe they're going to be with the
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person till they die?
2:00
I think we can almost exclusively divide this by gender.
2:05
Really?
2:07
Because I feel like there's probably a lot of people that are just like,
2:09
you know what?
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If it doesn't work out,
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it doesn't work out.
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Like they're not going into it thinking that this is actually going to be
2:14
like a long-term thing.
2:16
Yeah.
2:16
I think when you're in,
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I mean,
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as you know,
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I,
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I,
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everyone's hot to me,
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but I'm chronically single
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because it hard to choose a partner I know So I not the authority is what I saying But it seems to me when people are like in that like veil of love Yeah Like you really an optimist
2:36
Yeah.
2:37
You know?
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And so like I think a lot of people maybe do believe.
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Because like why would you bother?
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I don't know.
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Obligation?
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How many people do you think get married?
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Because they're like, ah, it's time I guess.
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I've been with this chick for
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three years, I guess
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it's fine. I bet you there's a lot of that.
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Oh, but that's going on their head, right?
3:01
Yeah, they're not saying it.
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That's their proposal.
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It's not in their vows or anything.
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Okay.
3:07
Although, it should be.
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Yeah, I think it's about to be.
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And now,
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improv.
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what what i was just thinking
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what well all my friends are married yeah and you're cool you know what i could do it
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do what what are we what are we talking about here well i was just thinking you know you and me
3:46
we get married. And
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if I get tired of you or
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something, I just
3:51
get divorced.
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You know,
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my friend Sandra
4:02
just got married. She had a bunch of gifts.
4:05
Yeah.
4:07
It was all about her for like a
4:08
year, too. Just her, not him?
4:11
No, she made it all about her.
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Oh, you wouldn't do that, though. I kind of would. It looked like
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fun. Oh.
4:16
gotta think about this. And then I kind of think
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like, yeah,
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I mean,
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if we got divorced, you wouldn't be like a dick about
4:24
it, right? So, we're just like...
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That could be my time to make it about me.
4:29
That's true.
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If I get a year,
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yeah, you can kind of make...
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Yeah. So, we agree on that?
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You get the wedding, I get the divorce?
4:40
Okay. Deal.
4:41
Alright.
4:44
Let's do this, bitch.
4:45
Yeah.
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Cut to three months later.
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Honey, you have to do the dishes.
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It's all about me this year.
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The whole year I told We made this We made this agreement remember When we got engaged I I thought I planned our wedding for one exactly one year later
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To the second.
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I did that because I wanted to milk every possible second out of this year of it being all about me.
5:13
Fine, I'll- I guess I'll commit to my obligate-
5:16
Oh, I see what you're doing.
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You want a divorce.
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We're not married yet.
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Yeah, I know.
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You're playing the long game.
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Maybe.
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I'll do the dishes.
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Fine.
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Oh, they're sparkling.
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Yes, I use a product.
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Oh, the product's called sparkling.
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Yeah.
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Well, okay.
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Got to six months later.
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Got three months left.
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Until the wedding?
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Until the wedding.
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Okay, I'm with you.
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It's still about me.
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It's all about me.
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Okay.
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What do you want me to do?
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I want you to be a human footstool
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We don't have an ottoman
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I want an ottoman at this moment in time
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I could just buy an ottoman
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Why buy an ottoman when
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No, you know what?
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I'm a man
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Douglas is free
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Put him on me
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Yeah
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Yeah
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Ooh
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Relaxing
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Thank you
6:12
These sounds are complimentary to me
6:14
Now let's watch old PBS episodes of Hercule Poirot
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Oh, the Agatha Christie guy
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Yeah
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Oh, we're a good couple.
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Well, you're not allowed to watch.
6:24
What?
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No, because I don't want you to know who the killer is.
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Oh.
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Sorry.
6:30
It's yours.
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I made the deal.
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It's all about me.
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Yeah, it's okay.
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It's all about you.
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It sucks, though.
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Yeah, sorry.
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You should have thought of that before you made, we got engaged.
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I was blind about the divorce.
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Cut to three months and 15 seconds later.
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Well, this is it.
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Big moment.
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We're married.
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Wow.
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I finally did it.
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Can you, um...
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Oh, it's about to rain.
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Can you hand me that umbrella?
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Hell no.
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What?
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Uh-uh.
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I've been waiting for this.
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Oh, shoot.
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Yeah, that's it.
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Look at your clock.
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Oh, no.
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I cut holes in the umbrella.
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It says negative 23 seconds.
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Yeah, you're done.
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It's about me now.
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Well, no, we're not divorced yet.
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What are you saying?
7:12
Oh, no, no.
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It's not about you until it's a divorce.
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Guess what?
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What?
7:16
I want a divorce.
7:17
Nah, um...
7:18
What do you mean, no?
7:20
I mean, no.
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Not yet.
7:23
That wasn't clarifying.
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No no It like launching nukes from a submarine We both have to turn our key That not Rock paper scissors No Come on No I refuse
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You can't.
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I can't give up on this marriage yet.
7:38
Sorry, father.
7:39
You got your year?
7:39
Father, father.
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Don't say you may not kiss the bride yet, okay?
7:44
We're not...
7:44
Just give us a minute, please.
7:47
No, I'm not getting divorced yet.
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Sorry.
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Well, I'll get ill.
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I dare you to.
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I will test these vows to the bounds of their strength.
8:02
Test away, baby.
8:03
Oh, guess what? I lost all our money. We're poor.
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All right, well, that's fine.
8:08
I agree to that.
8:10
You're just never getting your year, you son of a bitch.
8:12
Oh, I'm not that sick.
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I'll last my year.
8:16
We'll see about that.
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I'm not dying until this divorce is finalized.
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Do you hear me?
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I'm on oxygen.
8:22
Yeah, we'll see who gets the last laugh.
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I'll be laughing.
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It'll sound like this.
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Because I'll be so sick, but alive.
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Well, well, well, see.
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Now let's go consummate this thing.
8:36
Oh, you're going to consummate this?
8:38
Excuse us, everyone.
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Cut to six and a half years later.
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Ha, you're still as healthy as a horse.
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This is ridiculous.
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I smoke 10 packs a day.
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I know.
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And you've never looked better, you son of a bitch.
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I don't understand.
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No, what are you doing?
8:54
Nah, you're not going to get that divorce.
8:56
I stopped taking vitamins.
8:58
I got bit by a dog.
9:00
I know.
9:02
Nope, you're immune to rabies.
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You're the first person in the history of the world that's ever been immune to rabies.
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I even breathed in pool water.
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I know, and I just peed in it, too.
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I'm glad you're amused by that.
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I'm not amused.
9:17
I'm ill
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It's a mental illness
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Oh good
9:24
I can't wait to see you through it
9:25
No! I'm forgetting who you are
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And I'm mean to you
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Cut to
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44 years
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Later
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50 years you son of a bitch
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I can't believe you got diagnosed first
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Ha ha ha
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End scene
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We'll see you next time.