Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why you shouldn't date if you are in a vulnerable state

Transcript

Why you shouldn't date if you are in a vulnerable state · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on beautiful people?
• 0:01
  I am Lee Hammock, the diagnosed self aware narcissist known as
• 0:04
  mental illness and welcome to another episode of the
• 0:07
  Narcissist Code. Is this the first time to see?
• 0:09
  Is this your first time to see my face or hear my voice?
• 0:11
  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and I use my platform
• 0:13
  to raise awareness for NPD, get more people into therapy and
• 0:16
  also validate the victims, survivors, and thrivers of said
• 0:19
  disorder say toxic people say toxic traits.
• 0:21
  Today's episode is going to be about why you should not date
• 0:24
  when you are vulnerable. Because that's how you end up
• 0:27
  with narcissistic people. Why you should not date when you
• 0:30
  are in a vulnerable state. This is my just my advice.
• 0:34
  Y'all before you hop in the next episode y'all make sure y'all
• 0:36
  check out the self love brand I love me, the self love brand
• 0:39
  Bali hand me and whatnot. So the links in the description
• 0:43
  of every video and podcast that I do.
• 0:46
  But yeah y'all, you should not date when you're vulnerable
• 0:49
  because vulnerability, any type of vulnerability.
• 0:52
  Y'all is like blood in the water for a shark.
• 0:56
  Like would you go to the middle of the ocean, right?
• 1:01
  Cut your like, cut your shoulder and hop in the water.
• 1:04
  Would you do that? Would you do that?
• 1:07
  Ask yourself this question right here.
• 1:08
  This is for men, women, non binary folks, whatever.
• 1:10
  You identify us, whoever you identifies, would you do that?
• 1:16
  Would you go hop in the water? Would you go cut your arm and
• 1:19
  hop in the middle of the ocean? No swimsuit and just weigh in.
• 1:22
  Just tread water. What'd you do that.
• 1:24
  No. Most people would say, hell no,
• 1:26
  I'm not going to do that. I don't like sharks.
• 1:27
  Really. I know what's in the I know
• 1:29
  what's in the ocean. So if you wouldn't do that it's
• 1:32
  just very, very similar to dating.
• 1:34
  Why you're in a vulnerable state.
• 1:36
  I know people tell. I know a lot of people tell you
• 1:38
  that you should date when you're vulnerable like hey go a the
• 1:41
  best way to get healed. The best way to get over someone
• 1:44
  is to get under or over on top of somebody.
• 1:47
  No, that's the worst way because you get these soul ties or twin
• 1:51
  flamed and burned up with narcissistic people because
• 1:54
  narcissistic can sense it. When you're vulnerable, they
• 1:57
  take advantage of your vulnerability out.
• 1:59
  If you have are just getting out of a relationship, whether your
• 2:03
  previous relationship was toxic or not, you are in a vulnerable
• 2:06
  state. Unless you might be in a
• 2:09
  vulnerable state, you're mourning the loss of a friend
• 2:12
  relationship. Whatever dynamic it was, you're
• 2:15
  mourning the loss of this relationship.
• 2:17
  So don't go out here and meet somebody right now.
• 2:20
  Because sometimes, This is why I say this, because when you meet
• 2:23
  a narcissistic person, when you're mourning the loss of a
• 2:26
  previous relationship, when you're trying to get over
• 2:28
  somebody else, when you're in a vulnerable state, you feel like
• 2:31
  they are saving you. You feel like they are there for
• 2:35
  you in this time of need, in this moment of need, so you
• 2:37
  attach a little bit more to them.
• 2:40
  You see what I'm saying? You attach a little bit more to
• 2:42
  this person and you feel like that they are there for you.
• 2:45
  You connect to this person, you know you have to give yourself
• 2:48
  time to heal for the previous relationship and you connect to
• 2:50
  this person. It makes it harder to let go.
• 2:53
  It makes it harder because sometimes I talked to, I talked
• 2:55
  to so many people. Y'all They get cheated on in
• 2:57
  previous relationships and leave immediately the first time they
• 3:01
  get cheated on in their previous relationship.
• 3:03
  But the first, if that first person they date is a
• 3:06
  narcissistic person, that's there for them.
• 3:08
  That helps them get through this trying time.
• 3:11
  And then that narcissistic person cheats on them or does
• 3:13
  something worse. They don't leave the first time
• 3:16
  because now you're attached to this person, now you're
• 3:17
  connected to this person. Now you feel like that you
• 3:20
  sometimes you feel like you owe this person something.
• 3:22
  You see what I'm saying? And that narcissistic person,
• 3:25
  that toxic person, that narcissist knows that they're
• 3:30
  going to make you feel like you owe them something.
• 3:32
  Oh, wow. So I was there when you needed
• 3:34
  me, and you're not going to be there when I need you.
• 3:38
  Wow. Okay.
• 3:39
  Alright, I see how it is. I see exactly how it is.
• 3:42
  This is the this is the world, right?
• 3:44
  This is the earth, right? This is the world, right.
• 3:47
  You know what I mean? This is how it's got to go,
• 3:49
  right? But this is how it that's how it
• 3:52
  goes. That's how it works.
• 3:54
  You know what I mean. Don't date when you're in a
• 3:56
  vulnerable state. If you again y'all,
• 3:58
  vulnerability is not just losing a relationship partner
• 4:01
  vulnerability could be you just lost a job.
• 4:04
  Vulnerability you've been in a vulnerable state could mean you
• 4:06
  just broke up with it. You and your best friend are
• 4:09
  having an argument. Vulnerability is you didn't get,
• 4:12
  you didn't. You didn't get.
• 4:13
  You didn't get the job, you didn't get the promotion.
• 4:16
  You didn't pass the test. Your mom just passed away.
• 4:19
  Your dad just passed away. That's what vulnerability is.
• 4:22
  Y'all, it's not just losing a a relationship, or it's not just
• 4:26
  getting divorced or breaking up with a partner.
• 4:28
  Vulnerability extends. Vulnerability is open-ended.
• 4:32
  It's a you know, vulnerability means something different to
• 4:35
  every single person. So if you're in a vulnerable
• 4:37
  state, if you feel like you don't have enough emotional
• 4:39
  space, if you feel like, matter of fact, if you feel like you're
• 4:42
  leaning, if you need to lean on someone else, lean on people you
• 4:45
  already know and not people that are sexually attracted to you.
• 4:50
  Don't lean on people that are sexually attracted to you.
• 4:52
  Because this, when you you lean right into the bedroom and get
• 4:54
  your little cheeks clapped by narcissist and then you be
• 4:57
  addicted to it. Now they were there for you.
• 4:59
  You see what I'm saying? It was like narcissist people
• 5:02
  are from the mind of a narcissist.
• 5:03
  Like, I don't personally like this is my this is how my
• 5:05
  mindset. I know I said earlier, the
• 5:07
  narcissist can they they they can sense when you're
• 5:10
  vulnerable. I don't think they just go after
• 5:14
  vulnerable people though, because how do they know you're
• 5:16
  vulnerable? Like you're not giving off a
• 5:18
  pheromone or something like that.
• 5:19
  You just do through conversation and knowing people if this is a
• 5:23
  mutual friend hooked y'all up. Hey.
• 5:26
  Hey. She just got divorced.
• 5:28
  Hey Lee, this is my friend. This is my friend, whatever name
• 5:32
  of y'all. This is my friend Shannon.
• 5:35
  She just got divorced. She's just all here having fun.
• 5:38
  Yeah, I thought you. I know you were a good guy.
• 5:40
  She was going to hook y'all up. Got you.
• 5:42
  See, your friend just sent you over.
• 5:43
  The narcissist. You see what I'm saying?
• 5:45
  Not knowing she thinks I'm a good guy because only she thinks
• 5:48
  I'm a good guy because all the things she's seen is the good
• 5:50
  guy stuff I've been putting out. You see what I'm saying?
• 5:53
  I don't have a bad reputation. But your friend just unknowingly
• 5:55
  set you, set you up with a narcissist.
• 5:57
  And she already told me that you were vulnerable.
• 5:59
  You see what I'm saying? That's how it happens sometimes.
• 6:01
  And yes, y'all women can be narcissist as well.
• 6:03
  I'm just using myself as an example.
• 6:05
  You saw that work, though. Like narcissist people.
• 6:07
  I don't know. I don't know if you're
• 6:09
  vulnerable unless you tell me. Unless.
• 6:11
  Unless we get to know each other.
• 6:12
  I don't know unless somebody else tells me.
• 6:14
  Unless you're looking sad at the bar and you're like, you know,
• 6:19
  like the little cherry, the little cherry stuff like that.
• 6:25
  You know what I mean? Just in that space right there.
• 6:28
  That's how it works right there. Y'all.
• 6:30
  That's the mindset. That's the dynamic.
• 6:32
  You know what I mean? They just see you sad as hell
• 6:35
  and they come and get you your body language.
• 6:37
  Sometimes they can tell vulnerability and sadness
• 6:39
  through your body language, you know what I mean?
• 6:41
  They're just saying, just don't watch out for this situation.
• 6:43
  Y'all because they can sense it once they get to talking to you.
• 6:46
  And they can sense it because sometimes you trauma them
• 6:48
  sometimes, especially if you don't have anybody else to talk
• 6:50
  to and you vent to a Narcisse. You might.
• 6:53
  Like I said, it's like you might be, might be, might as well have
• 6:55
  this mic right here and be talking directly to the devil.
• 6:58
  You see what I'm saying? Hello, Satan.
• 7:01
  I just got out of a five year relationship with my ex, who I
• 7:06
  thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
• 7:09
  And then they cheated on me with my best friend.
• 7:11
  So I lost my ex and my best friend and I'm hurt.
• 7:15
  Now Satan is on the other end of the mic.
• 7:18
  Satan's got his headphones on. Satan is like, you know what?
• 7:24
  You're in luck. I got a nice narcissist for you
• 7:27
  and they'll serve you up one. You see what I'm saying?
• 7:29
  That's how I have this job. Yeah.
• 7:32
  I don't know why I'm thinking this stuff, but I know people
• 7:35
  are like, Lee, how do you think of this stuff?
• 7:36
  I don't know. It just came from top of my
• 7:37
  head. But yeah, when you're
• 7:39
  vulnerable, they, I don't think they go.
• 7:41
  I don't think I haven't ever went after a vulnerable person.
• 7:44
  The people that I went at, that people that I ended up with,
• 7:47
  just happened to be in a vulnerable state.
• 7:48
  It was just like, hey, I'm vulnerable now.
• 7:51
  Like you tell people tell like this is the thing about, and
• 7:53
  this is one of the things about me and a lot of Narciss, We easy
• 7:57
  to talk to. Y'all this is like, that's one
• 7:59
  thing. Like, people tell.
• 7:59
  Like, yeah, I'm telling you. I'm telling you, even before I
• 8:01
  started the social media stuff, people would just come to me and
• 8:04
  in the bars or just whatever I was at and just tell me what was
• 8:07
  going on in their life. I'm chilling.
• 8:10
  This is men and women. This is not just not just women,
• 8:12
  this is people just tell me, man, lady, this is going, I'm
• 8:16
  like, oh wow, really, man? Just tell me it's traumming up.
• 8:20
  I say, y'all, if you feel like you're in a vulnerable state, go
• 8:23
  talk to a therapist or a life coach or somebody to help you
• 8:27
  before you got there in the dating world.
• 8:29
  Because if you are, if you were vulnerable, it's more like,
• 8:33
  especially if you if you just went through a breakup with
• 8:36
  somebody, let's just say you just got a relationship with
• 8:38
  another narcissist, right? And they blamed you for
• 8:42
  everything. They told you.
• 8:44
  You feel like everything was your fault.
• 8:46
  You go out and meet somebody else.
• 8:47
  You go out and meet another narcissistic person you might
• 8:50
  already have. You might be carrying some
• 8:52
  residual selfdoubt from your previous relationship.
• 8:54
  And when you started seeing, when you start seeing the red
• 8:58
  flags of these, of this new relationship, you might ignore
• 9:03
  them or overlook them and just like, No, no, no, that's just.
• 9:06
  That's just this is my insecurities talking.
• 9:09
  This is my vulnerability. You whatever it is, you might
• 9:11
  just, you might downplay it. They must say take your time to
• 9:14
  heal. Y'all because you hop right back
• 9:15
  out there. I'm telling you, you're going to
• 9:17
  hop right back into a relationship with a narcissistic
• 9:19
  person and it probably not going to go well.
• 9:23
  It's probably not going to go well.
• 9:24
  It might start off hot and heavy in the love of your life right
• 9:27
  after you got a relationship, right after your right after one
• 9:29
  of your parents passed away, right after you lost your best
• 9:31
  friend, right after your dog or cat got hit by a car or
• 9:34
  something like that. You mean right after your your
• 9:36
  ferret got loose and then come back home, whatever the
• 9:39
  situation is, whatever has made you vulnerable.
• 9:43
  That's what I'm just saying take your time to heal.
• 9:46
  Because if you do that, take your time.
• 9:48
  I promise you you're going to end up with a narcissistic
• 9:51
  person. And not only do you, not only do
• 9:54
  you need to take your time to heal, but take your time to just
• 9:57
  give yourself some space-time to and and don't ignore the red
• 10:00
  flag. Don't just take time if you see
• 10:03
  a red flag pop up and you think it's red flaggy, you mean if you
• 10:07
  think it's red flaggy, that's that's the word I've created.
• 10:09
  Y'all that's the word I'm going to coin.
• 10:11
  Red flag if it's red flag, E if it's like the little bit of a
• 10:14
  red flag. Don't ignore y'all.
• 10:15
  If you if you sit at the corner of your eye and you like, is
• 10:19
  that a red flag? What they just said red flag is
• 10:21
  what they just did. The red flag.
• 10:23
  I don't know. It could be.
• 10:25
  It might not be a red flag. It might be a butterfly.
• 10:27
  Might be a butterfly flapping its wings.
• 10:29
  Done. No, y'all, it's a red flag.
• 10:31
  Stop ignoring them because you ignore them.
• 10:34
  If you ignore the red flags, early on, you regret them.
• 10:37
  You regret it. I haven't met a person who
• 10:41
  ignored the red flags early on. It was just like it was thankful
• 10:44
  that they did it. You a I'm I'm going to put a I'm
• 10:47
  going to put a status up there has anybody ever been thankful
• 10:50
  they ignore the red flags I'm going to I'm just going to I'm
• 10:53
  about to put their post up right now Y'all going to see it right
• 10:56
  now. You're going to see it up if I
• 10:58
  don't know what I'm posting video but you will see it up
• 11:00
  here pretty soon but I do have to hop off here y'all have a
• 11:02
  one-on-one if y'all look at y'all still interested in the
• 11:04
  one on ones or my group coaching sessions or my in person stuff.
• 11:08
  Mentalhealness.net is still live like and subscribe for more
• 11:11
  mentally on this is out Please thanks so much for making this
• 11:14
  into my video Y'all If you haven't already make sure you
• 11:17
  check out my self love journal on Amazon Lee Hammock I love me
• 11:20
  a self love journal. Help you rebuild their self love
• 11:23
  and authenticity after a touch relationship.
• 11:25
  Thank you.