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Diva Mia: Surround Yourself with Growth-Minded People · The Diva Details

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  Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details.
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  Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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  From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real, and powerful.
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  Music.
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  No filters, no limits.
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  Just fearless conversations to help you thrive. Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Cat.
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  Hello, this is Diva Mia. I wanted to talk a little bit more about the five most
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  important people that you should have surround yourself with.
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  We've been talking a lot about leveling up and growing who we are as a person.
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  We grow with other people. We are social creatures.
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  It's very important to make sure that the five people you have closest to you are of growth mindset.
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  That is one of the most important things you can ever do. Those five people
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  will help you grow or they'll hamper you. I tell my kids all the time,
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  I said, make sure your friends, the people you keep in your inner circle,
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  are people that will make you a better person.
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  If they're not, they shouldn't be in your inner circle. They need to be people
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  that are growth-minded people, people that are not complainers,
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  people that are not whiners.
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  Those types of people are people that will hold you back because you'll constantly
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  be trying to help them out. I don't care who you are.
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  People like to help other people. The goal is to grow you, not to grow everyone
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  else, and sacrifice yourself in the meantime.
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  What we're going to discuss today is if you really want to level up,
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  if you really want to grow into the best possible version of you,
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  you need to think about growing to your fullest potential and what does that require.
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  It requires having a really good group of people around you.
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  People that you should have as like a growth-minded person that helps you architect
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  your future. It could be a mentor.
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  It can be a coach, a visionary. Heck, it could be a spouse, someone that sees
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  you and wants you to help take you to the next level, even if you can't.
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  I mean, this is a growth minded person that's going to look at you and say,
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  you know what, I can help you grow to the next level.
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  Now, people that are mentors and coaches, they tend to not want to work with
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  people that are whiners and complainers.
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  If you're a whiner and a complainer, they're going to move on to someone else
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  to help because if you don't want to help yourself, you're never going to get help at all.
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  The other thing is that they can help you to be accountable for what you're
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  doing in life. They can help you with your mindset.
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  They're going to be a motivator in your life. Sometimes you have to pay for
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  them. What I challenge you to do is get a piece of paper. You can list five.
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  You can list up to ten people that help you grow.
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  And the better quality of these people, the more you're going to grow.
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  And this list may change. It's not a fixed list.
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  It's just right now who are the most five most influential people to help you grow.
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  Now, if you put on there someone that maybe is a family member or a friend and
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  that person is not helping you grow, you need to really take that into consideration.
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  It may be time to replace them. I know personally I am working on right now
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  redoing my group of five.
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  I think it's an ever-evolving list of people that you associate with.
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  Sometimes there's people on your list that rub you the wrong way.
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  That give you an idea of who they were, and when you really get to know them,
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  you see a different picture, and you may need to let them go.
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  You need people that are going to be honest with you, so another person has
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  to be able to tell you the truth, and this person, you're going to want them
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  to tell you the truth no matter what, even if it hurts.
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  They're not just going to hold you accountable. They're going to call you out,
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  hopefully in a loving way, maybe not, when you do something wrong.
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  This is going to disrupt your comfort zone.
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  I mean, I keep saying you got to get out of that miserably comfort comfort zone.
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  Comfort, guys, is not a place to hang out. And a truth teller will tell you
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  when you're sitting on apathy or you're taking the easy route instead of taking the right route.
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  A lot of times the easy route's not the right route.
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  The person that you're looking for with that's a truth teller is going to have
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  really strong integrity.
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  They're going to have emotional intelligence. They're going to be really good
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  at talking to you, maybe even to other people. They will not be a people pleaser at all.
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  I have a truth teller in my life right now, and she is amazing.
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  She will call me on my BS, even if it's, she might be wrong sometimes,
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  but she'll call me out if she thinks I'm doing something and taking the easy road.
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  Sometimes I agree with her, sometimes I don't, and sometimes she just...
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  Says something I disagree with, but it sparks something in me that allows me
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  to then look inward and actually find the real root cause of the problem.
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  I hope to keep her in my life forever, actually. She's been very beneficial
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  to me. Then you have those encouragers. These are your cheerleaders.
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  The encouragers are the people that are going to be supportive.
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  They're going to be the ones that remind you of how amazing you are.
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  They're going to know that growth is hard, but they're going to support you at whatever you do.
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  These aren't the people that are going to tell you the truth,
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  though, but they're going to encourage you when maybe you're having a rough day.
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  This a lot of times will be a spouse. It could be, you know,
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  a really good friend or a new boyfriend or something like that.
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  But it's somebody that's going to hopefully guide you into your brilliance.
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  But make sure they're not going to be the person that when you have a bad day,
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  you run to every time. Because if you had a bad day, let's figure out what lesson we learned.
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  So if you have a bad day, it might be time to go back to the truth teller,
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  not always the encourager.
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  And this can be the same person. Maybe the truth teller sometimes is also your encourager.
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  Then you also need to have a collaborator. This is a person that you can build with.
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  I have a great partner at Diva Details that we're building a great organization
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  together with right now. It's evolving.
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  She's helping me push limits in different ways, in ways I hadn't thought of.
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  And this collaborator sometimes is not always that helpful, but sometimes she
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  pushes me beyond what I thought I could do. A collaborator is great.
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  It's usually a work colleague, but it's not always. It's going to be maybe in your industry.
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  It could be somebody in your Facebook friend group. It could be someone that
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  you have online, a class.
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  All of these five people, just so you know, don't have to be local.
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  They can be international. They can be national.
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  That's why the five people that you make your list of to help you grow, this is a life growth.
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  Maybe you're in a family that's tough, maybe not in the wealthiest area or you're
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  just starting out in life or you're just starting to grow, you still need to
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  look for these five people.
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  These five people will help you and they don't have to be local.
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  In fact, sometimes you can't find anybody in your family that's positive.
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  I've been there before. You have to be looking outwards for those five people.
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  They're just going to help you grow. And then there's the person that helps
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  ground you. A lot of times this is a soulmate or a friend.
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  And a soulmate doesn't have to be your partner. It can be just a friend.
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  It could be your husband. It could be your wife. But they're going to help nourish your soul.
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  Sometimes it's spiritually. Sometimes it's physically. And sometimes it's emotionally.
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  They're usually there right when you need them. It seems like they help heal
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  you or ground you when you're having a terrible time and they just help you
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  reconnect. I have friends like this in other states.
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  I will say they've been such a blessing to me on my journey because burnout's
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  real. You're going to go through burnout.
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  You're going to have tough times in life. And every once in a while,
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  you're going to fall and you're going to fall hard.
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  And when you fall, you're going to need someone to help you get back up.
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  Sometimes it's for a long period of time. Sometimes the falls are harder,
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  and sometimes you just need a little hand to get up, and then you can soar again.
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  They should be people that bring you peace and that remind you that there's
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  balance in the world. They might be a spiritual person.
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  Sometimes they're the opposite sex. Sometimes they're not. Sometimes it's just
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  a therapist or your yoga teacher or an energy healer.
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  They tend to be wise in life and grounded and definitely have emotional intelligence.
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  And then you could also have another person that helps you go over your plans and grow and set goals.
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  They can be there to challenge you. I have a friend that's a truth teller that
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  we did a vision board with, or I did a vision board with, and we set our goals
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  together, and then we challenged each other's goals.
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  A lot of times you're gonna find when you set your goals, you're limiting yourself
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  because of past limiting beliefs.
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  When you set goals, dream big.
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  You only have one life. You might as well dream and shoot for the stars.
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  Now, when you're figuring out your circle, you're going to want to write it down.
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  These people don't have to be your best friends. However, I do recommend highly
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  that the people you keep your best friends and the people that you're hanging
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  out with have a lot of these traits because you shouldn't be hanging out with
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  anyone that's bringing you down.
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  You shouldn't be allowing anyone in your life that's manipulating you.
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  You shouldn't be allowing anyone in your life that makes you feel unsafe.
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  If someone's shown you who they are, then you get glimpses of that person.
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  Again, even if you've tried to tell them you didn't like that behavior,
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  you need to believe them.
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  Make sure that the five people that you have around you, whether it's friends,
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  family, spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc., that coaches.
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  Therapists, that they are top-notch because you want to grow yourself to be top-notch.
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  You've got to strategize this list. It's not something that just happens.
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  I think in life, a lot of times, we allow friends into our lives just because they're there.
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  Just because we work with them, just because we met them and started dating
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  them and like them, but then we put up with stuff from them that we don't really appreciate.
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  You really have to be selective on who you let into your world.
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  And there's been friends that I've just started to let go because they don't give me peace.
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  They don't give me joy, they give me drama.
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  And I have a lot going on in my life. I don't need other people's drama to add
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  to it. And then there's the friends that you talk to, and every single time
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  you talk to them, there's a problem.
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  Every time you talk to them, they never have good days.
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  Everything is always going wrong for them, and they can't see through to see
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  the light and the blessing that they're living every day just by living.
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  Those are the people you may need to let go. And I'm not saying you can't be
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  there for friends, but you shouldn't be everybody's therapist.
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  Your circle has to be protected. You got to choose wisely for these people.
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  You should be contacting these people at least once a week. If it's a spouse,
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  I hope you're talking to them every day. If it's a boyfriend, maybe every other day.
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  But I hope that you're actually communicating with all of these people on a regular basis.
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  One of the things you need in these people is they need to be able to see the
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  potential in you. And then you should be helping them grow too.
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  There is some reciprocity in these relationships. But if you can challenge your
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  thinking and challenge your comfort zone, you can grow.
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  They should be able to give you strategic advice and be confident and clear.
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  And the funny thing is, is one person in your group may give you advice to go one way.
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  And another person may say, go a completely opposite direction.
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  You need to weigh their opinions and ask them why, and they will help you grow.
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  One of the biggest things I think is emotional intelligence.
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  This is hard to find in people these days, I will say.
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  A lot of people are so wrapped up in their phones, and they're so wrapped up
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  in their online media, and they're so into constantly posting that they've lost
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  emotional intelligence.
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  They've lost the ability connect on a meaningful way, and they're just all into themselves.
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  And they forget that you need to be able to communicate with other people and
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  care and be empathetic. That's part of emotional intelligence.
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  You need to be honest and direct, but you can do it in a caring way.
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  You should be unafraid to give constructive feedback.
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  I have at times realized that sometimes my constructive feedback is not wanted,
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  and then I have to pull back.
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  But I try to do it in a way that is not hurtful.
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  Some people can't take it though, but if they can't take it,
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  they shouldn't be asking for your feedback.
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  I would say don't offer feedback unless someone asks, unless you see someone
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  going down a dangerous road that's really going to harm them.
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  Integrity for me is a core value. I want someone that's going to be honest.
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  I want someone that's going to be loving.
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  I want someone that's going to have integrity, that's going to be truthful,
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  and that's not going to lie to me.
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  If someone doesn't have those traits, I don't want them in my group at all.
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  I don't want them in my friend group, and it's kind of interesting watching people talk.
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  You can see people that badmouth their friends, that badmouth their spouses.
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  I don't want them in my group. I even had a friend that was talking about something
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  that they did and joking that they told a lie in order to get what they wanted, and it worked.
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  It was such a red flag for me because I'm not into liars.
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  I don't want liars in my life. If you're lying to someone to manipulate them
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  in order to get what you want, I don't really want you around.
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  I'm eliminating those types of people from my life, too.
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  I'm not perfect, and I get it. I'm not saying you have to be perfect.
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  I'm just saying if you want to elevate, why are you hanging out with the same
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  people that bring you down?
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  Why are you hanging out with people that manipulate other people to get what
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  they want? You be damned.
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  I want people in my life that are empathetic to my situation because I give other people empathy.
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  I want people that are honest with me because I give honesty and direct communication constantly.
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  I want people that don't lie to me because I don't lie to them.
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  I want people to help me grow into who I should be. And I have a lot of growth to do.
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  I want people to call out if I have a blind spot in an area and I'm not looking
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  through a problem correctly.
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  When you collaborate on this level, other people can help you grow in amazing ways.
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  And then you also want to have people around you that are going to celebrate
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  you when you win. I was in a relationship that was very smothering for a while.
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  I would mute myself and I would hide my accomplishments. And it really wasn't
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  because I was embarrassed of them. It was more because it caused conflict.
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  Because when I achieved, they would make it about them and how poor them and
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  how they're not getting ahead. I don't want people in my life like that.
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  I want people that when you celebrate, they will celebrate you when you actually
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  achieve something, someone that will celebrate you and your wins,
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  and they'll be happy for you in a genuine way.
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  Some people will act like they're celebrating, but behind your back,
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  they're jealous and they'll talk badly about you.
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  You don't want people like that. You want people that will celebrate your wins
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  and that you can celebrate their wins, and together you just keep elevating.
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  You also want someone that can offer some emotional comfort when you do have setbacks.
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  That's why I think it's important to have a spouse that's supportive.
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  If you can have a boyfriend or a girlfriend that supports you,
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  this will go so far in helping you grow.
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  There's an old saying that behind every good man is a good woman.
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  And that good woman is a supportive person.
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  And I also think behind every good woman is a good man and the man should be
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  supportive of her as well.
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  I think when you have a partnership like that, the sky is the limit.
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  You both will grow into amazing, amazing areas. And I think that loyalty is number one.
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  If you have a friend that's always
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  got your back, then good on you and you should always have their back.
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  You should never let anyone belittle or make fun of your friends and you should
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  always have their back and they'll always have yours. And if they don't,
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  if they make fun of you, if they talk badly about you, they shouldn't be a friend.
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  They should believe in you even when you doubt yourself. Now, here's the thing.
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  When we have even acquaintances in our life that we go out in a friend's group,
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  like maybe you go out typically in a group of three or four people,
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  and you have somebody in that friend's group that's constantly bad-mouthing one of the people,
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  one bad apple can spoil an entire bushel.
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  A single negative friend can influence the group negatively,
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  Whether it's a friendship, whether it's a business relationship, heck, at work.
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  You know, there's the old saying, at work, to hire slow and fire fast.
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  So if you find somebody that is toxic or harming the group at work,
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  you should get rid of them.
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  People need to learn to grow up. If they're polluting their surroundings,
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  then you shouldn't be associating with them.
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  They can go hang out with the other people that like to pollute their surroundings.
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  You'll know when a friend is bad if you have to hide your success.
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  You'll know when a friend is bad if they're not honest.
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  And if they're joking about lying, they're not honest. If they don't listen
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  to what you have to say, they don't pay attention, or they're always on their
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  phone, that's not a good friend, guys.
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  And there's the friends that want to compete with you. Every time you do something,
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  it's always a competition, and they're not supporting you.
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  You don't want people like that around you. It's red flags to have friends like that.
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  It's also red flags to have friends that are late all the time or have inconsistent behavior.
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  You can't trust people like that. Remember that if you have problems like that,
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  you're going to get a gut feeling.
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  You might even have dreams about them being negative.
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  You're going to get a gut feeling that this person is not a good friend.
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  And when they're not a good friend, it's just time to let them go.
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  They can go find friends somewhere else, but you're trying to elevate.
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  You're trying to level up. You're trying to build your resilience and your self-worth.
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  And you don't need friends that are going to knock you down.
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  You need friends that are going to uplift you, that are going to show you have
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  positivity, that are going to have kindness, that are going to be consistent
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  and loyal and non-judgmental.
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  Judgy friends aren't the ones, although sometimes that judgy friend can be a
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  truth teller, but just because they're a truth teller doesn't mean you have
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  to do everything they say.
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  I have myself gotten exhausted by trying to help out friends.
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  I've lent friends money, which you shouldn't really do. I have taken care of
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  friends and family in ways that you cannot imagine.
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  I have been over backwards draining my cup time and time again until I had nothing left to give.
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  I can't do it. I won't do it. I'm too important.
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  My self-worth is worth too much. So make sure when you're driven that you find
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  people that are also driven.
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  I've been reflecting more and more about what do I really want to have in my
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  life and who do I really want to spend my time with because our time is so much
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  more valuable than money.
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  We have such limited time. we don't even know if we have tomorrow.
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  So we need to value every day we spend.
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  Stop wasting your time with people that aren't worthy of it because you need
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  to elevate and find those people that are worthy to spend time with you.
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  Those people should value mutual success.
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  They should challenge you without their ego so that when you're achieving, they're happy.
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  When they're achieving, you're happy.
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  It's a reciprocity again. Sometimes it's a person that you don't even know,
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  but you just like who they are.
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  I met a wonderful person that is into bodybuilding, and she competes in bodybuilding
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  competition, and she's 73 years old.
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  She's in the bikini area. I have the pleasure now of calling her a friend.
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  I don't know if she's going to be completely in my inner circle,
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  but I know that she is the type of person that I want to keep around me.
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  I admire her in so many ways, and she's so positive and uplifting.
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  Those are the types of people you need. If you're out of shape,
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  why are you hanging out with five people that are out of shape if you want to get into shape?
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  If you want to live longer, why are you hanging out with smokers and drinkers?
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  If you want to grow in your business, why are you hanging out with people in
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  the mailroom? You should be trying to learn from the people up above you.
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  These are basic thoughts that you should be having and asking yourself.
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  If you want to be wealthy, why are you hanging out with people that are on welfare?
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  It doesn't make sense. You need to either start reading books.
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  You need to start talking to people that are wealthy. You need to start connecting.
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  You need to be open to connecting with people that are above you.
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  Now, I think to be well-rounded, it's really important to have friends that are in shape.
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  And you may have five circle of friends that are like super fitness people,
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  and they help you grow in the fitness arena.
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  So you need to find those people that will help you grow. If you want to be
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  a bodybuilder, go find five bodybuilders that you want to be friends with and
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  see what you can learn from them. Here's the thing.
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  People that are grounded, people that are emotionally intelligent,
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  if you earnestly go ask for support and help, they will help you.
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  If they are an emotionally strong person, comfortable in themselves, they're going to help.
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  They're going to give you their precious time because they want to help see other people grow.
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  Because it's hard to find people with a growth mindset. Right?
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  It's hard to find people that really earnestly want to improve and want to grow.
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  So when they recognize someone that's earnest, that really wants to improve
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  themselves, they will take you under their wing.
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  Finding a coach is a wonderful way if you need to grow in business as well.
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  Just like you have a coach in sports, you might want to find a coach in business.
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  And it may be that you're growing in three or four areas, so maybe you need
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  five people in each area or three people in each area.
• 20:41
  It's for you to decide. But the five people closest to you have to be top-notch. Find a spouse.
• 20:48
  And one of the most important things, if you are single and you're looking for
• 20:51
  a spouse partner, you need to find that growth partner.
• 20:54
  Because that growth partner is going to be around you all the time.
• 20:57
  If they don't have a growth mindset, being in a relationship with someone like
• 21:01
  that, they will bring you down. If they're negative now and you're not married,
• 21:05
  it's a sign you might want to move on.
• 21:07
  That's for you to decide. But remember, whoever you're partnered with will have
• 21:11
  a big impact on your future mindset.
• 21:13
  So if you partner with a negative Nancy or a negative Neil, those negativities
• 21:18
  will impact you in so many ways. And you will not reach your full potential with people like that.
• 21:23
  Going forward, I just want to let you know that you get to choose who you're with.
• 21:30
  You get to love yourself enough to
• 21:33
  find the support and the people that will
• 21:36
  help you become the best that you can become And I
• 21:39
  hope that you're there and one of the people for someone else
• 21:42
  I hope that you can be one of their five and
• 21:45
  help bring everyone up Because if we all did this as a collective the world
• 21:50
  would be such a better place We would grow as a human race in ways you cannot
• 21:55
  imagine I know this was a little deep today and a little more serious than I
• 21:59
  usually am But I wanted to make sure that we grow together.
• 22:03
  And I'm here to help you.
• 22:05
  And hopefully one day you might be there to help me.
• 22:08
  So don't forget to like, subscribe, friend, and share this with as many people
• 22:12
  as you can. To help them grow in new and profound ways.
• 22:16
  This is Diva Mia signing off. Take care. Have a wonderful week.
• 22:21
  Thanks for tuning in. Like, subscribe, and drop a comment.
• 22:26
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• 22:31
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• 22:37
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• 22:40
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• 22:43
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