Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why are narcissists so SECRETIVE?

Transcript

Why are narcissists so SECRETIVE? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful people.
• 0:02
  Today we're talking about Why are narcissists so secretive if
• 0:08
  you're new here? My name is Lee Hammond.
• 0:09
  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:11
  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:30
  Boom. Welcome back.
• 0:31
  Welcome back. Welcome back.
• 0:33
  This is one of the main questions that I get on my page
• 0:36
  consistently. Y'all like when I say
• 0:39
  consistent, I mean consistently. Like if this if this question or
• 0:44
  comment was working out, it would be the fittest question or
• 0:48
  comment I've ever received. You mean it would be one of the
• 0:51
  like, why are they so secretive? Why don't they just, why don't
• 0:54
  they just tell the truth? Like what?
• 0:55
  What's going on, Lee? Like why can't we just all, why
• 0:58
  can't we all just get along? You know what I mean?
• 1:00
  I hear this so much. It is it.
• 1:03
  It's kind of mind blowing. How often I hear this same thing
• 1:05
  over and over again. Like why Lee can can you answer
• 1:08
  that question? Is is easy, but it's not easy at
• 1:13
  the same time. One of the main things that a
• 1:15
  lot of people face. One of one of the questions that
• 1:16
  a lot of people like narcissistic people don't want
• 1:22
  to tell. Like if they have something
• 1:24
  hidden then it's for a good reason.
• 1:27
  They don't want to experience the shame.
• 1:32
  The again, y'all the old shame monster has come a knocking and
• 1:37
  is here to collect that narcissistic soul.
• 1:41
  It just is. Y'all narcissists want to avoid
• 1:43
  shame at all costs. And that's what this is how you
• 1:46
  can tell if you're dealing with a narcissist or toxic version.
• 1:49
  This is how you can tell that a lot of them know what they are
• 1:54
  doing. A lot of them know what they are
• 1:57
  doing wrong. A lot of them understand that
• 2:00
  they are doing you wrong on a consistent basis.
• 2:03
  Well, leave. I didn't think they knew what
• 2:04
  they were doing. Yes.
• 2:05
  Yeah. Why did why keep it a secret?
• 2:08
  Why hide the fact that they're cheating on you?
• 2:11
  Why hide the fact that they're doing some kind of illegal
• 2:14
  substance? Why hide the fact that they're
• 2:15
  smoking again? Why hide the fact that they're
• 2:17
  gambling again? Why hide the fact that they're
• 2:19
  lying or have a kid on the way or lost their job?
• 2:22
  Why be secretive if they don't know what they're doing?
• 2:27
  Do they keep something? Do they keep the good things
• 2:29
  secret? Do they keep the Do they keep
• 2:32
  the good things that affect you in a positive way?
• 2:35
  Secret. No.
• 2:36
  They want, they want you to shout that to the rooftop,
• 2:38
  right? And they themselves will shout
• 2:41
  out to the rooftop of how good that they're treating you, how
• 2:44
  how you know, how good they're doing you and whatnot.
• 2:46
  They're doing things like this for you.
• 2:50
  You see what I'm saying? This is part of the dynamic.
• 2:52
  This is part of the process. This is part of the mentality
• 2:56
  that exists with narcissists and toxic people alike.
• 3:00
  It just is. It's part of the dynamic.
• 3:02
  That's why I tell people like they know.
• 3:05
  They know why they so secretive, not only with their own secrets,
• 3:10
  but why they so secretive for how they are treating you if
• 3:13
  they didn't know it was bad, why they want, why they want you to
• 3:16
  keep it to yourself, why they want you to keep your
• 3:19
  relationship private. I don't like being on social
• 3:22
  media. I don't like being anywhere.
• 3:23
  I don't like people to see what I have going on.
• 3:25
  I don't want to be yo. A lot of narcissists and toxic
• 3:28
  people are secretive because they don't want other people to
• 3:32
  find out what they have going on.
• 3:34
  They don't want other people to find out how they are treating
• 3:36
  you. They don't want other people
• 3:38
  that find out how they're, you know, how they're treating their
• 3:41
  kids or doing their kids. They don't want other people to
• 3:44
  know. Well, I don't want other people
• 3:46
  to know. Does that make me a narcissist?
• 3:48
  What's the intent? What's the intent?
• 3:51
  Are you lying? Are you a cheater?
• 3:56
  Are you being extremely manipulative?
• 3:58
  Are you being toxic? Are you being physically,
• 4:01
  emotionally, mentally abusive? You see, what's the intent?
• 4:05
  What? Are you keeping a secret?
• 4:06
  Are you keeping their secrets a secret, or you keeping your own
• 4:09
  secrets a secret? There's a difference.
• 4:12
  Because when you're keeping their stuff a secret, it's like
• 4:14
  you. But you might be protecting
• 4:15
  them. You said you might.
• 4:16
  You feel like you have to take over to protect the role.
• 4:19
  I need to protect them from this.
• 4:21
  I need to do this for them. I need to do this.
• 4:23
  I need to be there for them. They don't.
• 4:24
  They don't have anybody else with them.
• 4:26
  You know, they don't have. There's nobody else is going to
• 4:28
  be there for them but me. Is that true?
• 4:31
  Right there? Is that a truth right there?
• 4:35
  Because that happens a lot right there.
• 4:37
  Y'all that happens so much in these spaces.
• 4:39
  That happens so much within these dynamics.
• 4:41
  That is a truth right there. That is, that is a markable
• 4:45
  truth right there that narcissists and toxic people are
• 4:48
  going to do that, you know? But you, if you're dealing with
• 4:53
  a narcissist job, you may. You don't want to keep their
• 4:56
  like they want you to keep their stuff sick.
• 4:58
  They want you to be in on the secrets of like they want you to
• 5:01
  keep the stuff that they're doing to you a secret because
• 5:04
  they always want to protect their reputation.
• 5:06
  Why are they so secretive? They want to protect their
• 5:08
  reputation because if they had a good reputation that protects
• 5:12
  them from shame, that protects them, that protects, like I
• 5:16
  said, that protects them from being ashamed of things like
• 5:18
  that. It just does.
• 5:22
  They keep being secretive because they get away with it,
• 5:25
  yo. Being secretive allows them to
• 5:27
  get away with a lot. Being secretive allows them to
• 5:31
  do what they want to do behind the scenes or to hide in plain
• 5:35
  sight. If I'm being secretive, if I'm
• 5:37
  hiding this stuff from you, then I win.
• 5:41
  It feels like a victory to me. Can't you see?
• 5:46
  You see what I'm saying? That's part of it.
• 5:50
  That's what I'm just saying. Like, as a narcissistic person,
• 5:52
  not only do I want to keep my relationship stuff secret, if
• 5:55
  it's not beneficial to me, like if it's beneficial to me to be
• 5:58
  in a relationship, then I'll be it.
• 5:59
  I'll share it to the world, right?
• 6:01
  But if it's like, if it's not, what I mean by beneficial to me
• 6:04
  to share my relationship is that the old, my ex is Watchmen.
• 6:08
  This new relationship brings me some type of prestige, brings me
• 6:11
  new, a new form of supply, or I can get some type of direct
• 6:15
  benefit benefit from it. It UPS my reputation, you see,
• 6:20
  But in the in the same process you like say you get a lot of
• 6:23
  narcissists and Knox people they don't like, they don't want the
• 6:27
  world to know and you face that. You probably have faced that
• 6:31
  when you're dealing with your toxic narcissistic person,
• 6:33
  haven't you? They want to keep everything a
• 6:36
  secret. They want to keep they, they,
• 6:39
  they they're secret with their, secretive with their money.
• 6:42
  It's secretive with their finances with their the way that
• 6:45
  they treat you. They they they you know you.
• 6:47
  I know you y'all know this right here.
• 6:49
  A lot of narcissists are super secretive with their money,
• 6:51
  especially in the relationship to the outside world.
• 6:55
  A lot of times it makes they make it seem like they have
• 6:57
  everything that they could ever want.
• 6:58
  They make it seem like they have all the finances in order.
• 7:01
  They make it seem like they have all the, you know, they make it
• 7:03
  seem like from the outside looking in, everything looks
• 7:06
  great, doesn't it? But from the outside, from the
• 7:08
  inside looking out, it doesn't you know they they're two sided
• 7:12
  mirror like you know those one way mirrors like the cops having
• 7:15
  like the people having a Police Department when they're
• 7:18
  interrogating people and the police officers can see inside
• 7:21
  of it. They can see the they can see
• 7:23
  the suspect they can see the perp.
• 7:25
  But the perpetrator can't look they they look at the same
• 7:27
  mirror and they see themselves back.
• 7:30
  Guess how it is in a toxic narcissistic relationship right.
• 7:33
  You only, like I say, you see the world differently than the
• 7:36
  people on the outside looking into.
• 7:38
  You know what I mean? You might look like the people
• 7:41
  on the outside look through there and you, they see.
• 7:44
  They see you in a different way, then you look outside and see
• 7:46
  them, then you see yourself. And that's why it's a very tough
• 7:51
  thing to deal with when you're trying to survive a toxic
• 7:55
  relationship with a narcissistic person.
• 7:57
  They, especially if nobody else has know, knows what's going on.
• 8:00
  Like you've kept this. You've been really good at
• 8:02
  keeping the secret of what's been going on inside of your
• 8:05
  relationship, haven't you? And that narcissistic person has
• 8:09
  thrived because of it. Like their reputation has been
• 8:12
  protected. Their reputation is is pristine.
• 8:14
  Even though they've been abusive to you behind the, you know,
• 8:18
  behind the scenes, haven't they? Even though they've been
• 8:21
  extremely abusive to you behind the scenes, that's like their
• 8:25
  reputation is prestigious now. Everybody looks at them like
• 8:29
  some type of pit, like some type of, you know, savior of the of
• 8:35
  the neighborhood or whatever of this church.
• 8:36
  They might be a pastor, they might be a congressman, they
• 8:39
  might be a a diplomat, they might be a firefighter.
• 8:43
  Their reputation is good. You know, their reputation is
• 8:49
  amazing. But behind the scenes, because
• 8:53
  they kept everything a secret, behind the scenes, you're
• 8:56
  getting treated badly. The kids are getting treated
• 8:58
  badly. Narcissistic people, toxic
• 9:00
  people love to be secretive because of that right there.
• 9:03
  Y'all because it it protects them.
• 9:06
  The more secrets that I, the, the more secretive I can be, the
• 9:10
  better protection I have, the better the shell that I've
• 9:14
  created around me is. That's the way it goes.
• 9:18
  Like, I've been so secretive that the shell around me has
• 9:21
  created. It's like a it's like a damn
• 9:22
  narcissistic cocoon. And that narcissistic butterfly
• 9:26
  is going to be hatching very soon.
• 9:29
  The little narcissistic butterfly is going to be
• 9:30
  hatching from that cocoon very soon, aren't they?
• 9:35
  And you going to know when they hatch, them little narcissistic
• 9:37
  butterfly wings come flapping out and the world sees them
• 9:40
  differently. You know, that's why they're
• 9:43
  saying like, I hate a lot of, I hate when people have to deal
• 9:45
  with narcissistic people. And then like, when the
• 9:48
  narcissist discards them and no one knows what's going on behind
• 9:53
  the scenes. And then the the the victim or
• 9:56
  the abuse, the abuse. See comes out and tries to tell
• 9:59
  their story. No one, no one's believes them
• 10:01
  because they were quiet for five years.
• 10:03
  They were quiet for 10 years. I mean, certain people might
• 10:05
  believe them, but the majority of people are going to side with
• 10:08
  a narcissistic person because their reputation is so
• 10:11
  indelible. Their reputation is so intact.
• 10:14
  Their reputation has become indemnity, impermeable because
• 10:18
  no one knows who they really are behind the scenes.
• 10:20
  They only know the public image. So the secretive stuff.
• 10:23
  Y'all, I know you feel like you're protecting them.
• 10:25
  And sometimes you could like by keeping the narcissist secrets.
• 10:28
  Sometimes you can be protecting yourself.
• 10:30
  You absolutely can. So I wish the best for y'all,
• 10:32
  hope the best for y'all. I want y'all to thrive in the
• 10:35
  New Year. I want y'all to discontinue to
• 10:37
  thrive and be as strong as you possibly can in the new Year.
• 10:40
  You know, Of course, if you haven't already, make sure to
• 10:42
  subscribe to the channel. We're going to be we run we
• 10:44
  we're chasing down 400K and we're not.
• 10:48
  We're not being very secretive about that are we?
• 10:51
  Unless you like and subscribe, thank y'all so much for the
• 10:53
  support in 2023. I'll see y'all see y'all next
• 10:56
  year. I'm out.
• 10:57
  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
• 10:59
  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness rock
• 11:02
  star and I appreciate you for being here.
• 11:04
  If you haven't already, make sure to click on the screen to
• 11:06
  subscribe to the channel and watch another one of my videos
• 11:08
  on my playlist. There's also a link available up
• 11:11
  here for you to purchase my kids.
• 11:13
  But remember it's not your fault on Amazon so check that out.
• 11:17
  Thank you. I will see you in the next
• 11:18
  video. Peace.