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Transcript

Heavyweight Short: Returns and Reformers · Heavyweight

• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Pushkin.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, Hi, Hi Khalila Holt Steve E. Layin, senior
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: producer of Heavyweight.
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: You're managing producer. Is that your title?
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, something like that.
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: We have some stories for the people today.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: We do. We each have a story for the people who.
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: Should go first? Great question, Thank you. I'm an interviewer.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: I think we should rock paper scissors for it?
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: Okay on? Shoot?
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: Are we going to say it?
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Well?
• 0:57
  Speaker 4: I think we have to say it for this audio,
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: so it'll be like rock paper scissor shooting.
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: Then you say either rock paper or scissors.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: You don't say rock paper scissors said, shoot.
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: No, why wet rock on a paper and scissors can't talk?
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: This is the way though we grew up doing it
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: rock papers or says, shoot, just it just sounds better.
• 1:18
  Speaker 4: I think it's weird. Rock paper scissors. Shoot, it's just
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: an easy beat.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Okay, rock papers shoot paper? Oh oh wow, oh my god,
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: we're so line.
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: All right, I guess we have to do it again, rock.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: Paper sister, shoot rock Are you kidding?
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: This is going terribly okay?
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, come on, come on, all right, rock rock
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: paper sister, shoot paper?
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Come on?
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: Also, I feel like we're doing the rock paper scissors
• 2:03
  Speaker 4: part so slow it's like a funeral dird.
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: Okay, let's try.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: Here we go, raw paper sisters, shoes.
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: Are there? We go?
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: All right, I guess I'm up first, All right, take
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: it away. A few years ago, my family all got
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: together at my grandma's house, and as always, she insisted
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: on feeding us, even though we had dinner reservations in
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: like an hour. So along with the nuts and crackers
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: and lukewarm spanakopaa bites, my grandma had gotten this fruit
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: salad from Whole Foods, one of those pre made ones
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: in the big plastic tubs. So we're all eating it,
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: and about two thirds of the way through it, someone
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: notices that a little bit of the fruit at the bottom,
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: just like a strawberrier two, had gone bad. And we
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: were like, you know whatever, we can just pick around it,
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: but my grandma was like, no, stop, don't touch it.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: I'll return it. And we were all like, Grandma, what
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: are you talking about. We've already eaten most of it,
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: like they're not going to take it back now, but
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: my grandma was like, no, it's rotten. It was expensive,
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: I'm returning it. So the next day, my grandma marches
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: into Whole Foods head straight for customer service, and she
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: proceeds to make up this whole story about how she
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: and my grandpa had my grandpa's boss and his wife
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: over for a luncheon, like as though it's the nineteen
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: fifties or something when people invited their bosses over on
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: Sundays for luncheons. Also, my grandma is ninety years old, Like,
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: there's no way this woman's husband still works. What is
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: he a lamplighter? But anyway, she says, you know, her
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: husband's boss came over for lunch and she served the
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: fruit basket and the boss's wife noticed that the fruit
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: was moldy, and my grandma was so embarrassed, just like mortified.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: I ended up taking the boss and his wife out
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: for lunch instead spent fifty dollars on a whole meal
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: for them. And she's like, I am a loyal customer.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: I come here every week to buy these little biscotti
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: crackers you carry that my husband just loves. They're not cheap,
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: by the way, but this fruit incident absolutely spoiled our afternoon,
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: and I really think you ought to make it right. Okay,
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: Here's what my grandma walked out of Whole Foods with
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: a full refund for the original fruit basket, a new
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: fruit basket to replace the one that had gone bad,
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: a fifty dollars gift card to help cover the cost
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: of the imaginary luncheon, and a whole case of those
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: little biscotti crackers absolutely free. I have a theory that
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: there are two kinds of people in this world, returners
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: and non returners. Grandma Ruth returner. Whatever g carries a
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: strong sense of justice paired with a distinct lack of
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: shame and love of say dramaturgy. She's got it, and
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: it's a gene she's passed down to me. I'm also
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: a returner. I think I feel about customer service issues
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: the way some people must feel about hunting for sport.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: It's a challenge, it's a thrill. How can I prove
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: I purchased it here when I've lost my receipt? What
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: buttons do I press to get a live representative on
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: the line, climbing my way through the phone tree like
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: some kind of frantic phone monkey. Sure it's not always
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: the most logical use of my time. I'm still fighting
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: a year's long battle with a Spanish railroad company for
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: a refund on a train that was four hours delayed.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: At this point, I've probably spent more time on the
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: phone with them than I spent waiting for the train
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: in the first place. But it's the principle of the thing,
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: the thing being the money, the principle of the money.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: Come on, kascuocha a little closer, huh.
• 6:13
  Speaker 5: I just had some egg salad. I don't know how
• 6:16
  Speaker 5: close you want me to be.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: This is Hand, my partner, a staunch non returner. Hand's
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: the sort of good natured, mild mannered person who might
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: order their egg salad without the celery, then get an
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: egg salad just stuffed with celery and not say anything,
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: or see that they were charged for an extra beer
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: on a busy night at a bar, but pay the
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: whole tab plus the strangers just to be nice. Or
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: get wrongfully charged by Amazon for hair cream and do
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: nothing about it. Oh no, are we doing this. Here's
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: what happened. Hand ordered two containers of their favorite hairstyling
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: cream from Amazon, but when the package arrived, it was empty, sealed,
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: untampered with, but empty. Instead of contacting Amazon, though to say,
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: you know, like, hey, you sent me nothing. They just
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: went ahead and ordered two more hair creams, and.
• 7:13
  Speaker 6: So the second to arrive and they're like all dried up,
• 7:17
  Speaker 6: like the way that peanut butter gets like halfway through
• 7:20
  Speaker 6: and it's lost a lot of the oil.
• 7:22
  Speaker 5: That's what it was like.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: So hand threw those hair creams away, ordered two more,
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: and for those of you keeping count, were up to
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: four hair creams that they paid for but did not
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: get or could not use. How expensive is this hair goop?
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: Five each per.
• 7:41
  Speaker 5: Goop per goop? I think, yeah, so that's.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: Like eighty four more dollars than you were supposed to
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: spend on this stuff.
• 7:51
  Speaker 6: Yeah, and you didn't like call No, I don't know
• 7:56
  Speaker 6: how to get in contact with them.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: Here's how to get in contact with them. Simply google
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: Amazon Customer Service phone and dial the number. So what's
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: the real issue here?
• 8:08
  Speaker 6: I mean, I I think it comes down to like
• 8:10
  Speaker 6: wanting to be liked by everybody, and like being a
• 8:13
  Speaker 6: people pleaser because of that, and sticking up for yourself
• 8:18
  Speaker 6: is definitely at odds with pleasing people.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: That's true. To be a returner, sometimes you have to
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: be the bad guy for people, like hand good, well
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: liked people. Pleasing people. That's hard to swallow. But I
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: want Hand to learn to stick up for themselves. I
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: want to show them how easy and satisfying it is.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: I want to teach hand how to be a returner,
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: and returning the hair goops is the ideal tutorial. There's
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: just one potential obstacle.
• 8:48
  Speaker 5: Do I mean to tell you when it was placed?
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: I can pull it up really.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: Eazy Amazon's thirty day return policy. Hmm, you're scrolling very
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: far right now. It was a really old order, as
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: in ten months old, almost a year past the return window.
• 9:11
  Speaker 6: Yeah, it's it's a little late to be a you know,
• 9:16
  Speaker 6: there's like a lot of things working against you on
• 9:18
  Speaker 6: this one.
• 9:26
  Speaker 7: Thank you for contacting Amazon.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: When I call Amazon a few days later, I spend
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: the first ten minutes or so trying to get a
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: real live person on the line.
• 9:35
  Speaker 7: Would you allow me to try again and help you today?
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: My usual hack where I just keep hitting zero like
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: a labrat demanding cocaine doesn't work.
• 9:44
  Speaker 7: I'm sorry I didn't get that.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: But finally, the seven magic.
• 9:49
  Speaker 7: Words, I'll get someone to help with this.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: The problem with someone when she comes on the phone
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: is that she can't find hands order in the system.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: She tells me it must be a glitch on her
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: end and that I should hang up and call back.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: But if I call back, well I do, I have
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: to wait on hold again and everything. Oh no, will
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: it be you.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: I'll just provide the order number right away.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: Uh, but are you going to pick up the phone
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: or will it be the robot? Huh?
• 10:36
  Speaker 7: Welcome to Amazon Customer Service.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: It's the robot. But eventually, Hi, I thank you for
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: calling Amazon Customer Service. This is I explained to my
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: new customer service Rep Danica about the dried up creams.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: Fifteen minutes later, she's processed a replacement. It's that easy.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: Then I tell her about the first two creams that
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: never arrived, which I'd like to be refunded for.
• 11:03
  Speaker 5: Also, our system here is not allowing anymore to.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: Process the refund because it's less already being fast return windows,
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: so we didn't have any options here. A thought flashes
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: through my mind. W W g D, what would grandma?
• 11:20
  Speaker 8: Do?
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: Just because I'm a loyal customer, you know, and I've
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: been with you guys for so long, is there any
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: way that like we can get a refund for the
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: amount as like a credit on my Amazon account.
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: Okay, lets me just double check it out.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry second, sure.
• 11:59
  Speaker 6: Okay, yes, I successfully your brotherss this to ask a
• 12:03
  Speaker 6: promotional credit for the full amount.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: Oh, thank you, I really, I really appreciate yours really
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: helpful today.
• 12:10
  Speaker 6: Hurry I would greet be ahead and.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: Now okay, yeah you too. Bye.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: I can't thank you so much.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: Off the phone, I start fantasizing about telling Hannd what
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: I've done. They didn't think I could do it, and
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: I have. They're going to be so happy with me.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: I've really done a good thing here today.
• 12:34
  Speaker 6: And hello, you can now end the call.
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: Oh oh I have to end it. Oh oh you
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: can't do it. Oh yeah, sorry about that? All right,
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: thank you so much? Bye?
• 12:50
  Speaker 5: Hey, how's it gone? How did it go?
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: I tell Hann how easy it was, how all I
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: had to do was call and wait and talk to
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: a first representative, then call back and wait, then talk
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: to someone else, then get the first refund, then negotiate
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: for the promotional credit, which was a pretty baller move
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: on my part, I think. But Hann is not as
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: jazzed about it as I thought they'd be. All they
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: can really muster is a somewhat forced Damn Steve, good job,
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: and then a much more genuine.
• 13:19
  Speaker 5: Sounds like Amazon has some very good customer service.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, do you feel good about Is there like a
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: feeling of relief about it?
• 13:37
  Speaker 6: I already got over it, you know, I got over
• 13:42
  Speaker 6: it many many months ago.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: The tutorial was a complete failure. I'd wanted to show
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: hannd that it's worth it to be a returner. I'd
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: wanted them to feel how gratifying it is. I'd wanted
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: them to share in my delight simply. I'd wanted them
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: to care. Hello, Grandma, Yes, So instead I call someone
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: who will care pretty good, right, absolutely?
• 14:16
  Speaker 5: I just sh you'd have gotten more.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: I told hand and they were sort of like, I
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: don't really care. I think this is a bigger deal
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: to you than to me. And it made me think, like,
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: what do you think it is about us that makes
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: us care about this more than other people do?
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: Well?
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 14:45
  Speaker 8: I think it's not an unusual feeling to want to
• 14:48
  Speaker 8: be reimbursed the harm done, but not everyone has to
• 14:52
  Speaker 8: feel the same way about things.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: Did Grandpa care about this stuff as much as you? No?
• 15:00
  Speaker 8: No, I did it. It was not usually involved. He
• 15:03
  Speaker 8: let me take care of it. He I don't think
• 15:05
  Speaker 8: he really cared.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: My grandfather passed away a few years ago.
• 15:10
  Speaker 8: You know, Grandpa and I were very different generally. I
• 15:15
  Speaker 8: think he took things a little easier than I h
• 15:19
  Speaker 8: but it worked.
• 15:21
  Speaker 5: We kind of gave.
• 15:23
  Speaker 8: Well, you have to give and take in relationship, Stevie,
• 15:26
  Speaker 8: you have to give and take.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: There are two kinds of people in this world, returners
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: and non returners, and sometimes, if they're lucky, they find
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: each other.
• 15:39
  Speaker 8: Absolutely, Yes, yes, we had We had a very a
• 15:46
  Speaker 8: very unusual relationship because look how long it lasted. Yeah,
• 15:50
  Speaker 8: seventy four years. Those guys together seventy four years.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Hanna and I have not been together seventy four years,
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: but I hope that we are. And I know it
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: means I'll be the one who is bothering the waiter.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: I'll have to point out the extra charges on checks,
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: but it's a small price to pay. Hann calls me there,
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: send it back, girlfriend, And though they say it in jest,
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: it actually makes me feel proud. I love them. I'd
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: send a thousand egg salads back for them. My grandparents
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: aren't all that religious. Didn't belong to a temple, But
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: when my grandfather died, my grandma wanted a service, so
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: my family found a rabbi and a local synagogue. My
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: grandma paid to reserve the synagogue's main sanctuary, a room
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: with big windows and a beautiful view where the proceedings
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: were to be held. But the night before the service,
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: a pipe burst and the main sanctuary flooded. When we arrived,
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: we found out we would be in the synagogue's library
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: room instead, which, though perfectly fine, was more of an
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: all purpose room lined with bookshelves. The one window I
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: remember looked out onto the parking lot.
• 17:07
  Speaker 8: I was expecting this nice room, and that's what I wanted,
• 17:10
  Speaker 8: so I was disappointed. I wanted the funeral to be
• 17:17
  Speaker 8: and I was special because study was special.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: So as we all filed in for my grandfather's service,
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: my grandmother refused to step one foot over the threshold.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: She crossed her arms and raised her chin. She asked
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: to speak to someone in charge, and then, in what
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: I see as her final act of love for my grandfather,
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: my grandmother got his eight hundred dollars funeral absolutely free.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: After the break, Khalila takes a risk.
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: In high school, I, like many children across our dilapidated nation,
• 18:28
  Speaker 4: was forced to take the Presidential Fitness Test. It was
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: actually a series of tests dating back to the Eisenhower
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: administration and possibly designed by Dwight d himself during breaks
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: from the space race. We took the Presidential Fitness Test,
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: once at the beginning of the year and then again
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: at the end, the idea being that after nine months
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: of school sponsored exercise, school sponsored lunches, and backpacks weighed
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: down with school sponsored textbooks, we'd be stronger. There was
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: a test to count your situps and another to count
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: your push ups. My number of push ups was always zero.
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: At the end of my sophomore year, I begged my
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: gym partner to write down one, just.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: One push up.
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: That would be dishonest, she said, thinking a big zero
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: on the page. But the worst was a waking nightmare
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: called the Pacer test. The gym teacher would put on
• 19:23
  Speaker 4: this recording a series of progressively faster beeps, and we
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: all had to run across the gym in one big
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: herd before the next beap sounded. When you couldn't do
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: it anymore, you peeled away from the pack and you
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: sat down I'd get tired almost immediately, but the idea
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: of singling myself out as the worst in the class,
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: with everyone watching and smirking, was more than I could take.
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: It was a feeling that persisted throughout my youth, this
• 19:49
  Speaker 4: fear of being exposed as the weakest one in the room.
• 19:53
  Speaker 4: I really wanted to be sporty. I went through a
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: whole tomboy phase for me. This just meant reading historical
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: baseball novels, deciding I liked teams named after birds, and
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: circulating a petition called get Shoeless Joe Jackson into the
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: Hall of Fame. I simply was an athletic. During my
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: short lived career in youth softball, someone hit a pop
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: fly right at me. I watched as the ball arcs
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: through the air, and then I just stood there, stocks
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: still as it landed at my feet with a PLoP. Okay,
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: the coach side. When the ball comes, try to, you know,
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: catch it. It wasn't until my adulthood that I realized
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: I actually like exercising. I just don't like being perceived exercising,
• 20:38
  Speaker 4: And throughout my childhood the two wet hand in hand.
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: Both a little privacy and moving is fun. I realized
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: that I like hiking when I'm alone and not panting. Sorry,
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: go ahead, guys, I'm gonna stop and check out this moss.
• 20:52
  Speaker 4: I like yoga and I'm in the back row and
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: the teacher doesn't look at me. I like dance cardio
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: when I pull it up on a video in my
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: bedroom and tell my partner, under no circumstances enter this bedroom.
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: If the house is on fire, let me burn. But
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: I'm only able to do these things because.
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: I'm not visible.
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: There's this whole other realm of fitness, but I continue
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: to avoid these classes that seem all about being visible.
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: They're taken by.
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: Toned women with blown out hair and the right kind
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: of trendy water bottle. Women who would truly wrinkle their
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: noses at me, smelling my weakness like one of those
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: animals Gerbils, but devour their runtiest children their spin There's
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: bar and at the top of this glamorous, impossible seeming
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: pyramid of exercise is pilates. Charlene starts posting all these
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: Instagram stories about plates. Charlene is my friend from high school,
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: and we're very different people. She works a high paying
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: finance job and is constantly taking videos in nightclubs, whereas
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: I was just laid off from an industry and collapse
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: and only take videos of cats and fish.
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: Even so, we're close.
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: I'm curious about pilates, I respond to our recent story,
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: but it terrifies me. She says, we have to go
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: to a class together. On the one hand, it feels
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: safer to go with Charlene. I'll be able to look
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: at her to know what to do. On the other hand,
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: she'll be able to look at me and judge me
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: and think with pity in her heart about me. Wow,
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: that's sad. We pick a day I am locked in.
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: It turns out I know nothing about pilates. I've been
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: thinking about it as harder yoga for hot people, but
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: pilates is actually done on a large device called a reformer.
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: When I go to the website for the studio will
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: be attending, I'm excited to see a tab called new Timers,
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: which isn't the expression first timers, but it just tells
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: me I will need gripsocks available for purchase fifteen to
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: twenty dollars. We push up to become better. The site
• 22:53
  Speaker 4: tells me we plank to become stronger, we lunge deeper
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: so we can climb over the steepest hill to see
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: the beauty on the other side. When I go to
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: book my spot, I realize with horror that there is
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: no back row for me to hide in. There is
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: only one long first row. Also, pilateus is expensive to take.
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: A single class costs more than a movie ticket, while
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: also being shorter and more painful than a movie. Plus,
• 23:23
  Speaker 4: no one ever tells you to buy grip socks to
• 23:25
  Speaker 4: see a movie. When I'm texting Charlene, I notice that
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: my phone keeps auto correcting pilates so that the P
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: is capitalized. This, I discover, is because Pilates is named
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: after a man. Joseph hubertis Pilates in the black and
• 23:40
  Speaker 4: white pictures I find online. He's a compact fellow with
• 23:44
  Speaker 4: a tuft of white hair and a twinkle in his eye,
• 23:46
  Speaker 4: kind of like a really ripped Trumpelstiltskin. He invented Pilates
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: while in an internment camp on the Isle of Man.
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: This is so shocking to me that I start bringing
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: it up to everyone I meet. I'm suddenly obsessed with
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: talking about Pilates, and I haven't even taken the class yet, Hi,
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: I need.
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: To Khalila Holt.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: I've never been here before.
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah, the studio staff welcome me warmly, but well, I'm
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: checking in. I noticed that the picture on their brochure
• 24:20
  Speaker 4: is a bunch of people holding a plank over a
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: chasm of empty space. When I find my machine, it
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: looks like something between a guynecologist's table and a printing press,
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: if either of those things had about five times more knobs.
• 24:33
  Speaker 4: The instructor comes over and starts pointing, this is the carriage.
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: This is the back kickpad. When I say two red,
• 24:39
  Speaker 4: one gray, pull on these springs. When I say Toes
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: five six, you put your feet here, I nod like
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: I'm following. Other women begin to arrive. They all seem
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: to have gotten the memo that you're meant to come
• 24:49
  Speaker 4: to pilates in a tasteful athleisure set where your sage
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: toned sportspra matches your sage toned leggings. I meanwhile, I'm
• 24:57
  Speaker 4: wearing a T shirt stained with fake blood from an
• 24:59
  Speaker 4: old Halloween costume. By the time Charlene walks in, looking
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: fresh off and outing to Lulu Lemon, I'm perched on
• 25:06
  Speaker 4: the end of the reformer, afraid to touch anything, fear
• 25:09
  Speaker 4: of somehow getting my hand stuck. Hey christ Charlene, ready
• 25:13
  Speaker 4: to be a pilateus girly. Pilates is a little like
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: boot camp, if instead of preparing for war, you are
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: preparing to look hot. The instructor shouts at us through
• 25:29
  Speaker 4: a loud mic that's hard to hear under the blasting
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: tones of songs like numb mo Encore and other such
• 25:34
  Speaker 4: hits from middle school dances past. I'm used to yoga,
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: where they go on and on about how there's no
• 25:40
  Speaker 4: judgment and you can rest at any time. If you
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: try to rest in pilates, the instructor beerates you on
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: her loud mic by going, come on, you have to try.
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: The whole thing is baffling because I don't understand any
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: of it. I mostly try to copy Charlene. The good
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: news is that every time we switch to a new move,
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: it takes me so long to figure out what's happening
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: that I don't have to hold it for very long.
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: We move our arms.
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: To lift a weighted part of the machine. We plank,
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: we lie, we squat, lunge, plank, squat, lunge again. But differently,
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: plank again, but on the back this time. Every time
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: the instructor walks by, I get nervous that she might
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: tell me I'm doing something wrong, which I almost certainly am.
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: I know that this is normal and that she's here
• 26:31
  Speaker 4: to teach, but still all I can think is, don't
• 26:34
  Speaker 4: look at me. At one point, she tells us to
• 26:37
  Speaker 4: look up towards the wall, and I do great, Khalila,
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: she says on her mic, and I'm filled with a
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: swell of pride. And then she announces it is time
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: for push ups, and for the first time in my life,
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: I overcome my long history of humiliation, and I managed
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: to do a perfect push up.
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: Just kidding.
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: I tactically take a water break and I skip the
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: push ups all together. And that's our class, the instructor says.
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: I'm surprised it's already over. Charlne turns to look at me,
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: sprinted tastefully in sweat that she says was the hardest
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: class I've ever taken. On my way out, they hand
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: me one of the brochures with the people planking. You
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: did great today, the instructor tells me, which I know
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: is not true, but I guess I did do that
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: wall looking thing. I'm surprised by how good I feel,
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: like I've tapped into my body's potential. I imagine it's much
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: the same way a mother might feel as she finds
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: the strength to lift a car off her child, only
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: in this case, the car is a routine fitness class
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: and the child is myself. Charlene and I step outside
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: into the sun. I was really struggling, she says, I
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: didn't notice. I tell her, well, yeah, she says, as
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: we start walking. It's so hard that all your focus
• 28:01
  Speaker 4: has to be on what you're doing. You only look
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: at other people to make sure you're doing the right move.
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: It's true, I.
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: Realize when you're holding a plank over a chasm of
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: empty space, the only thing you're thinking about is how
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: hard it is to keep holding the plank and how
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: you don't want to fall into the chasm of empty space.
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: Who has the stamina to be judgmentally glancing all around
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: not me. I didn't notice a single other person the
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: whole class, which means, in all likelihood, no one.
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: Noticed me either.
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: This episode of Heavyweight was produced by me khalill Holt.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: And me Stevie Lane, along with Phoebe flan again.
• 28:56
  Speaker 4: Our executive producer is Jonathan Goldstein. Our production council is
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: Jake Flanagin.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: Jake Gorsky mixed the episode with original music by Christine Fellows,
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: John K. Sampson, Bluetot Sessions, John Jacoby, Michael Hurst, and
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: Bobby Lord. Additional scoring by Aaron Paulow.
• 29:11
  Speaker 4: I'd like to give a special thanks to my Plate
• 29:13
  Speaker 4: Studio because I love it.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: Now Follow us on Twitter at Heavyweight, Instagram at Heavyweight podcast,
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: or email us at Heavyweight at Pushkin dot Fm.
• 29:22
  Speaker 4: Jonathan will be back here next week with a brand
• 29:25
  Speaker 4: new episode about what he did in his year off.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: So tune in.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: Great episode, Khalila
• 29:43
  Speaker 4: Great Episode, Stevie,