Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Training Your Kids for a Peaceful Home

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Training Your Kids for a Peaceful Home · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  In terms of like ROI, return on investment, the small amount of effort for the massive amount of payoff in a family, man, this is it. Like this, this will, I've heard families go through a training system process and literally within two or three weeks there, they feel like their family is completely different.
• 0:19
  Hi, welcome to the Family Teams podcast. Our goal here is to help your family become a multi-generational team on mission by providing you with biblically rooted concepts, tools, and rhythms. Your hosts are Jeremy Pryor and Jefferson Bethke, and we can't wait to chat about all things family. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm here with my lovely wife, April. April, what's going on downstairs right now?
• 0:43
  Hello. Right now, our daughter Elisa is doing Tea Time Tuesday. Yes. And yeah, what is, it's quite interesting to walk through the kind of our living room during Tea Time Tuesday. It's kind of like an immersive experience. So she's got one of those videos playing of the coziest coffee shop in the world with coffee.
• 1:05
  Yeah, music, the background. And she has a bird, and she has a mobile cage for it. So the bird is set up in the big living room, and then she's been baking for a couple hours. She uses Tea Time Tuesday to be the day where she experiments with a new recipe. She got a new teapot, things like that. So she's in her element right now, and she has some...
• 1:32
  Younger friends coming over, some people in our community wanted their daughters to have this kind of feminine experience. So they're coming to hang out with Elisa during her tea party. So she just opens it to our household. It's like the grandparents and then our daughter lives across the street can come and it's just an hour long and just kind of touch base, have some tea and then back to your day. So.
• 2:01
  Yeah, it's so cool. You know, this sort of relaxed, spontaneous conversations. And, you know, when you think about it, you know, in the British kind of world where tea time, I don't know if it still is, but used to be a thing, it really prioritizes connection and conversation. And I think part of Alisa's heart
• 2:19
  She really wants to celebrate what kind of unique elements femininity brings into our life as a family. And one of, you know, having four daughters, one of these we talked a lot about recently is just having a culture that actually celebrates masculinity and femininity as distinct things is less and less popular as a culture as Boy Scouts become just the Scouts or whatever.
• 2:49
  Like a gender, gender is actually a gift. And Elisa made a video, um, on her channel, something like about how feminism has killed femininity. Anyway, check it out. If you want to have you do this of how Elisa thinks about these things. And she is very much a, you know, her own person about how to, how to think through these things from, from her perspective. Um, she, she did a deep dive, uh, in that video, which is, was really, um,
• 3:17
  uh, awesome. I mean, it was just such a cool thing to see how she just explores this, the whole topic of femininity and how much I think she just personally wants to explain why it's a good thing. Like this is one of the things we actually have to do, um, as a culture once again, it's just explain why femininity is good and masculinity is good and celebrate those things. Um, so I'm pumped that she's doing that. Yeah. Yeah.
• 3:46
  All right, guys. Well, before we dive into, so today's topic, we're going to get into training your kids. So if you've been wondering about, oh, what is it, instead of just reacting all the time and wishing kind of that, oh, I wish my kids just behave differently. So many people walk around with sort of, I would say, the kind of hyper-Western bias that...
• 4:09
  that behavior is primarily just a reflection of somebody's personality as opposed to a reflection of a proactive training. And so we want to talk about that and give you guys some really practical tools. Before we go there, I wanted to just remind you guys that so Family Inc., our program for how to help families launch their own businesses or start to work together as a team to build assets,
• 4:33
  That program is only going to be open for a few more days as you guys are listening to this. So you can go to familyteams.com and check out Family Inc. And so I've been, you know, sort of writing some stuff about that. One of the reasons, the main reason why people join Family Inc. is because as they begin to try to work as a team, they start to become frustrated with the fact that their life seems to be dominated by,
• 4:58
  By this thing called work. And what would happen if this thing that is just constantly sucking up enormous amounts of time could be done with the family so that while you're working some portion of that time could possibly actually overlap with the family.
• 5:18
  your family and that you can actually experience that team aspect of your family in those large blocks of time. Is that possible? And even while your kids are young, maybe they're in school, maybe starting to launch something so that as your kids become adults, this is something that you can recapture. April just returned from getting a ball of receipts from one of our son-in-laws. Yeah.
• 5:39
  because she does books for their construction business. Um, we, we, we've, we've just practiced this for the last, you know, 20 plus years. Let's just do stuff together. And so all of our kids are bought in and starting businesses and we're trying every which way to like help them support them, um, in various ways, bring our skills together and just say, Hey, this is, this is this the natural way God made families. We're not just built to be together to recreate or watch Netflix. We're actually designed to build things together. So yeah.
• 6:08
  If you're interested in that, go check out Family Inc. Just go to familyteams.com and click on Family Inc. You know, when people sign up for that, one of the things that we've been doing this program for three or four years now, and it's gotten better and better. And so there are some things that to me are really unique about its current iteration.
• 6:25
  One of the things I've been able to do over the years is gather other coaches. So I found like, so we have this mastermind called Integrated. We have over 100 guys who have successful businesses. And like the best business coaches from Integrated are helping me with Family Inc. So yeah.
• 6:41
  Um, we've got, you know, Brian, Ian, Chris, these other guys who it's not just me coaching Jeff jumps on there sometimes, but it's, it's also, these three guys are on there all the time. Um, and so you will get a variety of coaching and each of these guys has launched multiple successful businesses.
• 6:57
  So that's been a huge blessing for me is just, you know, getting to have almost a whole team of people work on your business with you as you've got you and your spouse are launching something. The other thing that's I think so underrated in family Inc is that we have a library of business ideas. So when you, when you log in,
• 7:17
  You're going to see over 30 business ideas and each one of them is a interview that me or my friend Landon did to interview a family that has launched a successful business and believes that this model could work for other families in other cities or other regions. And,
• 7:32
  And so a lot of people are like, oh, what if I don't have any ideas? I actually kind of prefer people join Family Link with no ideas because oftentimes we have to talk them out of the idea and say, hey, that may be a great second business, but that's not going to maybe be the most safe thing to launch as your first business. Check out these 20 ideas. And so anyway, so we have over 30 now. And another thing that's occurred is that some of these businesses –
• 7:57
  They have worked for so many family families that now the original family that launched the business is also helping coach those families to help them get off the ground. So many of them have said, yes, give them my phone number, my email. I'll be happy to help, you know, walk them step by step through how I launched this kind of business. This is this is this is my dream, you know, starting family. I saw this and, you know, we first started it. It was like, OK, I know this is going to be.
• 8:25
  Amazing someday. It'll be great now, but it'll be amazing someday when we have a whole community of families helping other families get free financially, work as teams. And man, it's happening. And this is why I'm so excited about Family Inc. So please, we only open the cart a couple times a year. So jump in there now. I think let's go for a few more days. So if you're thinking about it, we'd love to help you.
• 8:47
  I want to also say, I think as part of the coaching, we have once a month a motherhood call and a fatherhood call. And I think that there are great ways to supplement because we understand that starting a business has lots of implications for your whole family.
• 9:06
  Getting to have a place where the wives can kind of, you know, sometimes it's a husband that's a little more involved in the business. Sometimes it's a wife having that's a little more involved. But having a place for both the father and the mother to kind of hash out.
• 9:20
  things that are coming up within the family that might be separate from the business, but somehow kind of connected that they, you know, it just has been a really helpful, I think once a month touch point. It's sometimes just encouraging to hear from other like-minded moms that are in different parts of the country to hear how they're dealing with this or that or this or that that's coming up.
• 9:43
  And sometimes you get actual like, you know, how to from someone about something that they're going through. So it's like it's not just the coaching calls that are the calls that focus on the business. You can ask any question, any question about your business. But then there's also like the personal side of it, too. So we want it to feel have that integrated feeling where we understand that the business is going to have implications on the family and vice versa. Yes.
• 10:11
  Yeah, that's what's unique about what we do. We're doing this to bless your family. We're not like this isn't, you know, 10 ways to get rich quick. This is like, let's build assets together and let's just do all this at the same time. Let's build the kingdom, build the family, build our finances. These things actually interrelate. They help each other, but our culture sort of designed these all to be separate things. And so, yeah, we are a huge fan of integrating these things. And that's why we do the motherhood, fatherhood calls every month.
• 10:36
  So, yeah, I do happy hour where all the dads, we all bring our special drinks and talk about our biggest fatherhood challenges. April, coffee with April on motherhood where the women do the same. So, yeah, hopefully if you guys are interested, that'll be something. And speaking of training your kids and family, Inc.,
• 10:54
  So the Family Teams Accelerator, the program that we've launched, so that every month we give you guys a different topic. We're about to, like, unveil this next month's topic. So the month of April has been all about the spring holidays. And Brent and Katie Krutoff were our coaches. They did incredible helping families launch their first Passover Seders. I've been seeing pictures of that. It's awesome. This month, the month of May, is about training your kids. Let's get ready for summer.
• 11:21
  you know, we're going to be having our kids around the pool or want to have, want to have a good summer with our kids. I think it's really good time to invest in training your kids. And so we have community coaches, Grant and Kelly Stein. They actually went through family Inc. Now he's a part of integrated because he's got a successful business. Grant and Kelly, uh,
• 11:40
  They are like superstars in this area where they've just really thought through practically how to train their kids. And so April and I have training systems we use for our kids. Our kids are a little older. So I always want to have parents of younger kids also coaching you guys in the accelerator. So we're going to go through some of the playbook that Grant and Kelly wrote. It's awesome. Yeah.
• 12:01
  And like every month, we publish three plays, a three-part playbook for how to implement the theme of the month. And so we'll give you guys a little teaser on each one of these because this will be really helpful to you guys. Even if you're not a part of the accelerator, I want to like sort of share with you some of the things that really are the most helpful by training your kids. If you want a free download, Grant and Kelly wrote this awesome list of like their top 12 podcasts.
• 12:27
  tips for training. So just go to familyteams.com slash train and you can get that download and you can see these 12 tips. We'll share a couple of them with you on this podcast. And I wanted April I'd kind of talk through the ones that have been most impactful for us. But you guys can grab that over at familyteams.com slash train and take a look there. So we're going to jump into their playbook. The three plays that they published in the playbook are play number one is develop a training system.
• 12:56
  Um, play number two is the 12 tips that you can give you guys for free over at family teams.com slash train and then play three. And this is one that I actually learned from Grant and Kelly training routines and developing routines. I'll tell you a little bit about that. Um, man, I love this idea. Uh, hadn't heard about this as much before. And I think this is absolutely brilliant.
• 13:17
  But number one, developing a training system. April, we were really into this idea. This was super helpful for us raising our kids. A lot of people don't have a training system. They don't actually have a means of training. So when you have a new job, you know, you show up your first day of the job. Guess what happens? Like they immediately sit you down and start to figure out how to train you for the new job. You join a new sport, never play baseball. I remember when Jack's went for football.
• 13:46
  goes out to practice literally like for like two or three months before their first game. It was just training, training, training, training. Kyra just went out for debate. You know, a lot of kids, they'll do like six months of debate club before their first tournament. And when our kids join our family, we're like, do what I tell you or...
• 14:04
  Or you'll be disciplined. It's so strange. We don't have any proactive way of training, and this is actually the most commanded thing given to fathers, right? Both in Ephesians 6, when Paul had one thing to say to dads, he said, train up your children in the instruction of the Lord, Hebrews.
• 14:25
  12 says the same thing. Fathers, train your children. And, you know, obviously Proverbs, train up your child in a way. She go train, train, train. But you talk to probably 95% of Christian parents and say, well, what's your strategy for training? What's your system for training? They'll look at you and say, well, we have a system for disciplining our kids when they don't do what we tell them.
• 14:46
  But we don't, we don't have a system for training, which is the most repeated command. So yeah, what, what do you see here as, as the kind of key or something that stands out to you about developing a training system?
• 15:02
  Well, I think, first of all, I just want to speak to the training discipline thing. I think for years, my, I don't know, just my brain interpreted those as like synonyms. Yes. Like, and one, you could use one word or the other. They're interchangeable. Training, discipline, same thing. But really...
• 15:21
  They're not. So I feel like if you understand that training is the idea of showing a child how to do something and then making sure they have enough reps at that thing that they have it down or they get it now or now they know.
• 15:39
  and you can tell that they're capable of the thing and they're able to do the thing, then the discipline can come after that when you see either defiance of that thing they've been trained in or a lack of attention to the thing that they've been trained in or things like that. Then there can be this follow-through with discipline. And I think that that's just really important that parents...
• 16:07
  kind of see the dichotomy that we need to train the kids first so that they're not, I think if we see this used in a negative light, we just assume that you're just like, you know, beating your kids or something like that. But if you're taking time to train them, show them, display, make sure they're capable, all of those things, it makes a lot more sense that you then have to follow up with a discipline if the thing that they've been trained in is something that they're...
• 16:35
  ignoring or disobeying or
• 16:38
  Yeah, maybe if I could underline that, again, going back to the analogy, imagine if you went to your first day of work and you sat down at a computer, didn't know the first thing, but you only got disciplined for not doing the right thing. That's what it's like for a lot of kids in Christian families. Like, you do get disciplined. If I spend a month training you to do a job, you know, I train you to say my pleasure at Chick-fil-A, you know, and you just, you never say it. You might get disciplined for that, right? You might get written up or whatever. Yeah.
• 17:08
  Um, same thing with, with the sport, you know, you, you, the first day of sports, you don't just like hand a kid the baseball bat, you show them you like you work with them. But if after months of training, they refuse to put into practice the basic things that you know they can do, you've seen them do it, they've drilled it a million times.
• 17:26
  And they just are like, nah, I just wasn't focused. Then you tell them, go run a lap. You know, like that's the one discipline discipline is this thing that happens after training. Yeah. To your point, April, it's really weird how for some reason, these things have sort of merged in the family world where discipline and training are the same thing as if, and oftentimes discipline just sort of subsumes training and becomes the only pathway to it. So that's why we're all recovering from that idea. Um,
• 17:53
  And we are completely pro discipline, like have a way to make sure that once you've trained your kids, they actually pay attention to your training. Great. You know, there's lots of ways that you can do that. We're not going to go into detail on that topic because this is the one that really is missing. So what are some things that sound to you about the training system?
• 18:11
  I do think it's important to have a system of some kind. I think for us, a system that we used was the marble system. And that was very...
• 18:25
  valuable. You do have to be a little bit older to do that. I feel like around age four or five is really when the marble system starts to take effect. So this isn't something for if you're training a two-year-old to come or you're one and a five-year-old to come immediately. But the idea of
• 18:46
  Giving positive reinforcement for something that you have trained them in. Anything from like clean up time, cleaning up your toys, putting your shoes where they belong, hanging up your coat when you walk in the door, you know, getting yourself buckled in your car seat, like all of these things. Yeah.
• 19:06
  are things that you can train your kids in. And then when they do them, they can get a positive reward as part of the training system. And for us, it was the marbles and you save up so many marbles and you get to earn something, you know, earn an ice cream cone or...
• 19:22
  earn a toy we had a different a whole system set up with like if you get x amount then this is the thing you get if you get x amount then this is the thing you get so um that taught so many things that we didn't weren't even expecting like the idea of delayed gratification um having to save up for something and then getting it um
• 19:43
  So deciding ahead of time, as they got older, we had them decide ahead of time what they were going to do when they were resetting their marbles. Okay, now what are you going to do this time? Are you going to try to save up for 30 or are you going to cash in your chips at 10, you know? So we would kind of, there's other lessons that came along with it. But having a system that you use, whether it's stickers or, you know, but it's some kind of visual thing or tangible, very, ours was marbles where they could earn a marble.
• 20:12
  They got to put a marble in their bowl and then they would lose a marble if, you know, there was an infraction of some kind. It was like torture when they had to go take a marble out of their bowl and put it back. So a system is very, it's very, you have to be very active. You have to be on top of it, but it's really worth it. And this, just a reminder that this is what you're doing at this time in your kids' lives.
• 20:39
  Doing a system does take time and focus and attention and you have to set it up well from the beginning so that the kids don't get confused. So take your time to figure out what system is going to work well for you and kind of think through the implications. But it needs to be somewhat simple, not too complicated. The kids need to be able to very quickly have success.
• 21:02
  You know, we tried to make it so that our kids would would get whatever the reward was very quickly because they wanted them to taste success so that they could be like, oh, that's what this is and have it be a real win. Yeah.
• 21:19
  Yeah, so good. If you're wondering, like, what are areas you can train your kids in? Like, you know, when they're really young, you train them how to come, how to stop right away, how to taste new foods. We've done how to greet adults, how to interrupt you when you're talking so you can finish a sentence, how to resolve sibling conflict. I mean, there's so many cool areas you can train your kids in. It's like, again, you're getting a new teammate on this team, and it's like, congratulations, like, congratulations.
• 21:43
  you know, mom, dad, now, now we get to like begin the process of training in this family culture. And, and so, yeah, you need to spend some time thinking through how to do that. One of the things that if you guys get ahold of this playbook that Grant and Kelly, uh, tease out really well is, um, they, they, they have this visual, um, of, and there's three steps to every training process. And like I said, whether you're starting a sport or starting a job, um,
• 22:06
  It's always these three steps, demonstrate, drill, defend. In other words, the first step is somebody shows you how to do it. Then somebody says, okay, why don't you try it? And if it's something that requires a lot of muscle memory, like a sport, they'll drill you in it over and over again. And then eventually, if they know you've got it, then they'll defend it. In other words, that's the coach who says, take a lap if you aren't paying attention and aren't doing what you're trained to do.
• 22:29
  Um, but those are the three steps of every training process. Well, what Grant and Kelly have talked about in this playbook is actually making it visible in some kind of big way. So you have like a three boxes, demonstrate, drill, defend. And so you have post-it notes and you can be like, let's say we're training our kids right now, how to, um, how to interrupt us, you know, when we're in the middle of a conversation. All right. So we're going to do, we're going to start with demonstrate. So you show them, okay, I want you to put your hand on my arm.
• 22:52
  When I, so I'm going to start a conversation with mom and you're going to like, you're going to run in and you know, like, and then I want you to, I want to show you exactly. And so oftentimes like you just want to act this out in the most dramatic way in front of your kids and they'll see, they'll get it much faster that way. You know, you're showing them, you know, this is, this is what we're currently doing as a family now. And you can show them this, this is not working. Like I can't even finish a conversation with one of my friends and.
• 23:15
  It's really important that part of our family mission, and we talk at our kids about this, we're trying to make disciples, we're trying to listen to people's hearts. Like we need to be careful that we're not disrespecting this other person that's in this conversation. You're not disrespecting your mom or dad because we could be talking about something really important, but you're also really important. So when you put your hand on my arm, I'll acknowledge you immediately, that I know you're there, and when I've finished a sentence or finished a paragraph and I can pause, I'll turn to you, and then I will address whatever your concerns are.
• 23:44
  It'll, I mean, that one thing, if you've got like four or five kids is going to like, you know, take so much chaos out of your family. And it's just so simple. So demonstrate that to your kids, drill, like practice it a few times. And then once everyone knows it, you're like, okay, everyone here knows it. Okay. If you fail to do this, the next time you run in here and just start calling my name, you're going to lose a marble. Right. But every single time I feel that hand, then it's going to probably trigger for me. Like, why don't you go ahead and put a marble in your bowl?
• 24:13
  Like, so there's a whole season of just training on that over and over again. We're just constantly positively reinforcing what's been trained and our kids really are enjoying that. By the way, one of the things I love about having a reward system is it stops you from ever having to really say no to your kids about like buying something. Because the question that you always want a kid to ask when they're like, mom, can you get this? Can you get that? You ever take your kid to the store and they want everything, right?
• 24:39
  You don't ever want them to just shut. That's all good motivation. Like that's all fodder for entrepreneurial like interest. Like you want to take all that interest and point it at something like and gamified and say, okay, yeah, you can get there. But like this is how you're going to get it. So we always said to our kids, like, of course you can buy that stuff.
• 24:58
  But then they won't have enough marbles. They don't have any money. Well, how can I get that? Well, let's, okay. Well, you know, so anytime, do you have the money to buy that? Do you want to get that? Do you have enough marbles to have an ice cream? Oh, okay. Well, let me show you how to get there. Now, all of that interest is focused now.
• 25:17
  on the things you're training them in, and they see how to get there. So that creates this awesome culture where your kids aren't constantly like trying to figure out how to basically annoy you to get stuff, but they're trying to figure out how to enter the family culture to get stuff, to like...
• 25:33
  to be a better team player to get stuff. Right. Anyway, I think that's just a way better way of using that energy than simply saying no. All right. Then Grant and Kelly also wrote in the playbook, the second play, which I thought was again, grab this. If you, if you're interested in training your kids at all,
• 25:52
  Thelmteams.com slash train. You get 12 tips for training your kids. I love all 12 of these. This is such a great list. April, why don't you just share one of these that kind of stood out to you? Well, I want to encourage people on the second tip that they share is start early. And I just really want to emphasize this because I think there's a lot of confusion out there. Yeah. About, you know, just...
• 26:23
  discipline and training period, but then also when and what the age is. So, you know, I, we have a two year old grandson. He's about to turn two and I am blown away at what this kid is capable of because of how well trained he is. Yeah. And he's just now turning two. So, yeah,
• 26:48
  The amount of training that our daughter and her husband have already put into him by the time he's two has made him a delight to be around. Yes. Someone who can control his emotions. He is very obedient. He's not perfect. He definitely has his moments where he'll say no or something like that. But the way he stands back when you open the oven, when he –
• 27:13
  I know. It's like, you don't even have to tell him anymore. I told my daughter, I'm like, this kid's going to be a breeze to potty train because he just has the idea of training. Yes. He's potty training himself. He's like, I want to. It's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Watch him around like iPhones, like our smartphones. Like he won't touch them. Yes. He's been trained to not even touch. It's amazing. Yeah. He won't. Yeah. Yeah.
• 27:38
  And so he will bring you your water bottle, but not your phone. Or he will ask if he can see a picture on your phone, but he will not pick your phone up and try to find the picture. And so it is – and like I said, they've been working probably actively training him since he was nine months old. And so I want to just – I think if you don't have kids –
• 28:01
  That sounds so young. Nine months or 10 months or something sounds really young. But when you have a child and you're watching them develop, there will come a time when you see it in their eyes and you can tell they're testing you. That is the time to jump on it. As soon as you can tell, they're like, hmm,
• 28:24
  She didn't want me to drop my sippy cup off the tray of my high chair. Like, are you sure? Yes. And as soon as you see that little look in their eyes, that's when you can, you realize like, oh, they're cognitively able to. They're going to start testing. Yeah. Yes. Yes.
• 28:41
  And so that is when you start and you can say that the word N-O, no, to your child. No, we don't throw the sippy cup on the floor. I think a lot of parents are afraid to even say the word no today. I've noticed that a lot. They'll redirect constantly or something like that. But you can say as the parent, no, we don't yell in our house. No, we don't throw our sippy cup.
• 29:06
  No, we don't, you know. So there are these things that just by being around your child on a daily basis, you can see their development happening and you can decide as the parent what culture and tone you want to have in the house. And then you can start training your child, you know, along with that. So starting early is, I want to just... I love that one. Yeah. Yeah, so good. That's so important, you guys. And part of this is to...
• 29:36
  You know, there's sort of an assumption in our culture that, you know, you're having one or two kids that are going to be hyper individualistic. And I think that's crafted a lot of our kid culture. Whereas in our family, for example, we want our kids to be a team and we love the possibility of having large families. Well, if you're looking towards either of those goals or both of those goals.
• 29:55
  as a family, man, you're going to really need to think about this area of training much differently than somebody who's got one or two kids and just, just trying to bear with, you know, their kids behaviors because, you know,
• 30:08
  you want, you're going to need to craft an environment where you want to, you're going to be with your kids a lot. You're going to need to be careful that, that you love your, the culture of your home. You're not, you're not burning out as, as, as couples and feeling like we can't have any more. And the difference between a household that is well-ordered in a household that is completely drowning in chaos is mostly training. It's not really a matter of
• 30:34
  how many children you have. And in fact, in some ways, having a larger family, especially if you've got a few well-trained older kids, can oftentimes be a lot more orderly than a smaller family that allows for kind of hyper-individualistic behavior and impulsive childish behavior and celebrates or rewards that.
• 30:56
  Um, oftentimes inadvertently, but that's kind of what we do in our culture. So I love that. Um, they also have, um, you know, have high expectations and this is similar to what you said, treat each kid one to two years older than their age. They are more capable than you think and will step up to your expectations. Yeah.
• 31:12
  And this, again, this is what's so fun to watch because a lot of people just don't, they're not, they're not used to encountering well-trained children. And they think in some way, again, that there's sort of an instinct that that's a, this is a very modern and strange idea. That's a violation of that child's like individual self-expression. That's the, that's the idol of our culture. The number one thing that Americans or Western people agree with is that the highest value in life is individual self-expression. That's right.
• 31:41
  dominates all of our politics. It dominates our ideas of sexuality. It dominates our ideals of parenting. And so, um, you got to knock that down a few rungs and say, no, we care a lot about actually having an environment in which we know how to love each other. Well, like, and that requires us to serve one another and it requires us to control ourselves and sometimes say no to ourselves. Um, man, that's a very different kind of culture than is being rewarded and promoted and
• 32:07
  in our culture today. And so, um, I love what you're saying, April, just start early. And I think some of this sort of saying no is, is because there's the bigger, yes, you're saying like, we're trying to build this kind of a culture in our family. And so you want to, uh, invite your children into a bigger, broader world. And some of what, some of the reasons why I love starting early is I just want to spend a lot more time with my kids. And I, I'm so excited.
• 32:34
  because our kids are training their kids. This is just going to make grandparenting not only like just fun for us, it's just going to make it more sustainable for us. Like, you know, we, we were taking Elijah out for a couple hours and, you know, we,
• 32:49
  ran into his other grandparents on our street. Yeah, we live in that kind of like a town. It's unbelievable. We live in Mayberry. We were just walking down the street and his grandparents were running into his other grandparents and we were happy to be in front of the, like the local restaurant and we just were sitting out
• 33:05
  And we spent like an hour and a half talking and, you know, such a just perfect, like Fort Thomas, Kentucky night. Everything was amazing. And Elijah, like he was so much fun to be with. Like he had four grandparents that were all just like, you know, so like we were able to engage him in so many ways and just be with him a lot and not get frustrated or burnt out. And of course, what this does for his parents who need their own time, you know, their date nights, their day.
• 33:33
  they need us to also not burn out and to really enjoy. And I know there are different kinds of kids. Some kids are harder than others, but man, all kids are capable of being well-trained. Like this can really help each, each of your children. And I do think starting early and having those higher expectations can make it a lot easier on the family. So, so yeah, we really encourage you guys get ahold of this playbook, jump into the accelerator, go to family teams.com.
• 33:57
  Under resources, click on the accelerator if you want to join us for this next month of May. I'd love to have more families in there that are interested in training. And so what's going to happen in the course of the accelerator is the first week you're going to get this full playbook from the Steins. And we're going to send that to you guys. The second week, there's going to be a Zoom call with Grant and Kelly and you guys. It's called a community coaching call. And you guys can ask them all your questions about how this works in their family. The third week, we're going to send you guys a video, kind of tutorial from April and I about how we do this.
• 34:27
  And then the fourth week, we're going to have a town hall meeting with April, myself, some of our adult kids. And yeah, you can ask them all your questions about like, okay, did your parents, did the training like destroy your individuality?
• 34:42
  Whatever questions you guys have, you can ask them. They'll be there on the Zoom town hall. And you can also, we talk about anything. That final week of every month, we just talk about whatever is helpful for your family team. We just want to help you guys accelerate the process of becoming a team. So you guys can jump over there if you're interested. So the last thing I want to say about the playbook...
• 35:02
  And you guys that are in the accelerator, definitely ask Grant and Kelly about this because they've developed this. And we I never really thought about we definitely had a couple of these. But the idea of crafting routines so that instead of just training your kids in one thing, right, let's say you're training your child how to interrupt you, like I said. But a routine would be like how to go to bed.
• 35:23
  you know, how to get up in the morning, April, you did an incredible job of this. Like for some people, and so some people have an amazing routines around how to go to sleep in terms of like all the steps and all the bonding that happens, but for whatever reason, I think we were like, we need this to be the easy button. And so April did an incredible job of training our kids. Basically we could say one word and our kids were like going through a checklist, you know, of like eight things that they would do before putting themselves to bed.
• 35:50
  Um, you know, and we can obviously go in the room at that point and like pray with them, be with them, talk to them. Um, you know, or if we just had a horrible day and we just need to zone out somewhere, our kids were fine. They were putting themselves to bed. Um, but I love the idea of routines. I think that's a really underutilized, um, element of training. So, um, but Grant and Kelly have taken this to the next level. So you guys will see that in the playbook, but I love this idea. So.
• 36:12
  Um, all right guys. Well, I will let you all go. Um, again, uh, family Inc is, is closing in a few days. So go to, go to family teams.com sign up for family Inc. If you're interested, jump into the accelerator. Um, I just love these tools, these different things we're trying to do to try to figure out how to help you guys. I just want to encourage you guys, like, as we go through this, we're going to do a podcast next week with
• 36:32
  Grant and Kelly, I'm going to talk through with them some of the things they've learned. I want you guys to meet them and just hear straight from them some of the ways that they've trained their kids and how this impacted their family. I think this is one of the most critical and in terms of like ROI, return on investment.
• 36:49
  The small amount of effort for the massive amount of payoff in a family, man, this is it. I've heard families go through a training system process and literally within two or three weeks, they feel like their family is completely different. And so, yeah, this is something that we can all invest in and get better at. So we want to do this together and excited for you guys to join us. So thanks so much, April, for jumping on here today.
• 37:16
  You bet. Thank you for listening to the family teams podcast. If you're enjoying this content or have learned something new, please make sure to leave a rating and review and share with a friend to stay up to date with our events, new content and products. You can follow us on Facebook and Instagram at family teams.