Latest / Pod Therapy / #424: Perpetual stress, Audhd Burnout, Gender Identity Changes

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#424: Perpetual stress, Audhd Burnout, Gender Identity Changes · Pod Therapy

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I don't know why, just wanted to do that Patreon.
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  Speaker 2: I just feel like this one was one of the
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  Speaker 2: This is beautiful. I like it. That was from Ellie. Oh,
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  Speaker 2: very guys, Ellie. If you'd like to hear about my
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  Speaker 3: I think so, And kudos to the Orlando Visitors Bureau.
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  Speaker 3: Such a creative.
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  Speaker 2: You know, they don't give themselves enough. Uh uh, what
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  Speaker 2: Patroon dot com slash therapy. Also, as you're listening to
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  Speaker 2: do it, do it now. So we've got some great questions.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: A cup of coffee.
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  Speaker 5: You could say you can support these theresrapists, therapists. These
• 3:03
  Speaker 5: therapists are wasting away before my very eyes, but you
• 3:08
  Speaker 5: you could save them.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: Get Jim out of a.
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  Speaker 4: He is literally wearing pajamas with Vladimir Putin's face on.
• 3:18
  Speaker 6: Yes, not because she wants to, because she has Again,
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  Speaker 6: of a lot of our fun stuff, and I will
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  Speaker 6: be posting a photo of modeling her lovely dictators.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: This isn't going to come back to Jamas, no way,
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: of course not.
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  Speaker 2: That's just to be silly. You used against her time.
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: She runs for hr way honestly could help it. Tarot West, Yeah,
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  Speaker 4: it runs on the plate.
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  Speaker 2: These pajamas, the Tarot.
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  Speaker 1: Wests have won just with the heart hands.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: We're gonna run your campaign. We've got some great questions
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: for today's show, and we're leading off the order with
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: healing during life, change and divorce. Hello, pod therapist and
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: life coach. Hey, you asked for more questions, so I'm
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: re submitting a question I asked the November that was
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: not responded to yet, and I've updated a big damn
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: it guys. I discovered your show last fall and love
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: the mix of practical, down to earth advice and humor.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: Humor is so important also in therapy. I've been bringing
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: your show for the binging your show for the past
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: few months and always look forward to new episodes. In
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: the past two years, multiple life stressors have converged a
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: long term relationship, ending serious health issues in people close
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: to me, and political instability affecting safety finances in a
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: general sense of hope. None of these have clear timelines
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: or easy solutions. My question is this, how do you
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: live with and move forward through multiple life challenges that
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: are ongoing rather than temporary. How do you find emotional energy, stability, hope,
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  Speaker 2: and forward momentum when problems are ongoing and may last
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: for years. How do you move out of freeze and
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: survival mode when the stressors don't actually go away? What
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: actually helps people regain a sense of agency and well
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: being when uncertainty is the baseline. I'm not looking to
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: just cope my way through life. I also have a
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: second question, if there's time, how do you heal from
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: a divorce when you still have regular contact with your ex?
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: Whenever we text, talk or see each other, it feels
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: like the emotional scab gets pulled off again. Going no
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: contact isn't realistic in our situation, though, I'd really appreciate
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: any thoughts you have and feel free to include your
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: trademark humor. I could use some of that too. Many
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: thinks from one of your therapod members. You can call
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: me Phoenix, no pronouns given, we can call this person Phoenix.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: This is a really good question because, like I think
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: a lot of times we talk about, Okay, when shit's
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: hitting the fan, you know, how do you just like
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: duck and cover and get through it? But I think
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: Phoenix is sort of saying, like, yeah, but what if
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: it's like the deal, you know, the longer term challenges? Yeah, yeah,
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  Speaker 2: how do you just kind of like deal with life
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: when it's just constantly on the suck train.
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: It's dealing with a reality, an unpleasant reality, but it's
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: not a reality it's going to change anytime soon.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: This is a really good point, I know, I know.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: This is something we kind of have been on ongoing discussing,
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: coming up a lot of climates.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's on politically.
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: Don't worry about it, don't watch Yeah, just keep watching sports.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: But no, even they never talk about politics.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Place. Okay, But that's an ongoing question, ongoing discussion. And
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: what I've found working with clients is, yeah, we want
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: to like validate that there's hard things going on. I
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: don't think avoiding or ignoring, which is easy to want
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: to do to just protect yourself kind of maybe crawl
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: on your shell and just exist if you need to
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: do that for a little while, that's okay. By the way,
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah you can escape, but ongoing and you know something
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: that's like not going away, Like you said, there's a
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: stressor there. I think with clients I work with one,
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: we do talk about how you can get involved, the
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: best way you can to make change. I know we've
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: we've discussed that as like options help you feel a
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: little more in control of the situation, even though not
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: always more empowered. That's a better word. Yeah, I would
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: say though, the next thing to do is really focus
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: on something that maybe you're interested in or want to
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: get interested in. And it's kind of like like feeding
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: your soul again. So that can be a hobby, that
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: can be an interest you have, like something to kind
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  Speaker 1: of redirect some of that time. Maybe you have that
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: mental energy put into things going on around you that
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: we don't have control over. Like you've done what you can,
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  Speaker 1: You've called your senators, you've done what you know, you've
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: shown up for your friends, you've done all the things
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  Speaker 1: you can, and after that, it's like, Okay, I need
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: to focus on me and what's going to help me
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: be a sane person through all this so that when
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: the time comes I can do more, I'm able to,
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: and you're not just exhausted and like suck dry.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: I think that's really good advice because I think that
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: one of the things that you're kind of honoring in
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: that whitney is sometimes it's duck in cover. Sometimes it
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: just get through it. But whenever you're dealing with chronic
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: severe illnesses and people that you love, that's not a phase,
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: it's a reality. When you're dealing with a life's change
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: phase like divorce, you know, a fundamental shift that is
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: now a new permanent reality. When you're dealing with long
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: term political realities that are squeezing you in different directions
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: and frightening you, it's not enough to just say, Okay,
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: here's how you breathe, you know, here's how you cope
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: with this, here's how you kind of sit down and
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: reframe it. There is something that has to be discussed
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: about how do you become somebody who can just live
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: in that environment. To me, it's almost like when your
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: country goes to war, you know, like America really hasn't
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: had to feel that, like in an intimidating way. Yeah,
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: but in other places, like you know, our country is
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: at war now, we are in danger. How do we
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: live in a reality where we do hear by going
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: off and where people are dying and like it's not
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: a temporary reality like Ukraine. You know, it's this lasting
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: for years and years, and that's a really hard thing.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: I think you have to almost change as a person.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: But I mean, Nick, I'm sure you have thoughts about
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: all this and also like staying in contact with your ex.
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: Oh okay, Nah, will be right back.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: I mean we're okay. People are resilient, right, Like, so
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: we do adapt, we do.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: I like the idea of hobbies.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but like I don't think people are made to
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: live I don't know in that constant state of stress
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: it does.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: It's not good for us, It's definitely not.
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: This is a this is a three dimensional question totally
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: because it is what you're asking about is uh middle
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: state you're asking about, uh, you know, exercises and practices
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: to help foster a positive middle state.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: And you're and you're also kind of asking about like
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: ways to deal with just life events in kind of
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: positive mental ways. And I mean that's tough because that
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: comes into like there are different aspects that are making
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: the reality bad. Are these things that you're able to
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: work on? If you're able to work on them, you know,
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: then that's going to help your mental state just by
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: by or for me when when I'm in those kinds
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: of situations, situations, just being able to work on it,
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: you know, that's helpful for me. But if it's not
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: something that you're able to work on, then that's a
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: different that's a different cannabis now.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: Well, And I think that there's something to be said. Recently,
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: in this past year, not not too recently, but in
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: the past year, I had a client who was facing Yeah,
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: at some point in life, I had a client who
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: was facing a pretty big legal reality, okay, and had
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: been really fighting and navigating this legal challenge for a
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: really long time and kind of got to this place
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: where like it was done, like the legal dust had settled,
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: and they were still kind of like, I don't want
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: this to be true. I'm still kind of like fighting
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: it and stuff. And our client didn't seem suicidal at all.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: And his friend, no, he was fine. He loved life. Yeah,
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: it was it was really weird, but he was you know,
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: in a prison cell, and it was very confusing, and
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: you know, he had a lot of information that I
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: think would have mattered to a lot of people. Yes,
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: he was very popular, a very popular client. It this
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: guy's everywhere. No, But the person I was talking to,
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: I said, you know, I think that you're still in
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: denial about a.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Fun stages of grief.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: Yes, that's that's kind of what I did. I kind
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: of took that perspective of, Hey, I don't think you're
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: ever going to get back the life that existed before
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: you you discovered this legal challenge. In your reality, there
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: is now a new problem. And I've had that happen
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: with another client who had been very wealthy and had
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: lost pretty much everything, and I mentally wanted to go
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: back to this old world and was just constantly fighting
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: against it, believing that this was like an era of
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: like not being wealthy anymore. And we had to kind
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: of talk about it, like, look, I don't know the future.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: I don't know if these things will ever be reversed,
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: but it seems like the healthiest thing for you is
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: almost to accept this is my new reality. Who am
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: I in this new reality? Not just waiting for it
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: to pass, but like fully committing to and adapting to
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: a new reality where this exists. Now, some of the
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: things Phoenix is talking about, like the Trump administration, those
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: are not forever things. We've all lived through a bunch
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: of administrations. We'll live through this one. You know, we'll
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: get to the end of three years and we'll figure
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: out what happens next. But like, and then after he
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: doesn't leave, he's gonna die at some point. Yeah, But like, Okay,
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: the political undertones of that administration and the culture that's
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: come with it probably is more permanent, and so Phoenix
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: probably needs to adjust to. I live in a world
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: and in any country where this is not an anomaly.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: This is not a phase, This is not something that
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: passes through. This is a permanent reality. And I think
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: that's how it is in a lot of countries. Like
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: you just exist and you go, this exists here, and
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: I'll still fight it. But like, I have to understand
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: this about myself. It is on a micro scale.
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: You know, at my job, when I'm running a show,
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: a large part of my job is dealing with me,
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: is that other people make right.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: It's you know, hey, this got fucked up. Yeah, can
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: you come? Can you come deal with a lot of
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: people don't know you're the poop scooper at the zoo.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: That's right, Yeah, that's right.
• 13:10
  Speaker 4: And uh, those fucking zebras yeah assholes. Wow yeah, yeah,
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: I've heard a movement online.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah they are possessive of it. Yeah, very terribory. Why
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: would they be. There's there's a movement online to re
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: name zebras as prison donkeys. I'm here for it. I
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: like that. I really like this.
• 13:30
  Speaker 4: I also just like asshole horse okay, yeah, are they are?
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: They're unpleasant animals?
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, and they are I believe whatever the term
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: is basically untamable.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: Oh that sounds like a show you can't have, like
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: a domestic Oh, I'm going to seduce me a zebra.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: I'll ride that punk. I'm going to seduce me a zebra.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: Apparently problem challenge accepted Walt Disney movie Swiss Family. Robinson.
• 13:56
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, there's a scene in that of the guys
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: rides a zebra, and apparently it was a huge problem shooting.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: That's saying, oh, wow, okay.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: Those things.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: But you were saying, you clean up shit at work. Yeah, yeah,
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: it's just like dealing with stuff.
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: So my like micro level right to this macro it's
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: so fucking frustrating when everything that you're not doing, you're
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: not causing these issues, but you're still having to deal
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: with them, right, And it's frustrating as hell on a
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: micro level, and on a macro level it can be defeating.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: It is. And I actually like the example of work
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: because I think there's a lot of people that are
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: at certain jobs and as a therapist you'll hear people
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: complaining about their job all the time, like, oh my god,
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: I can you believe they do this? They keep doing this,
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: when's it going to stop? And sometimes you notice they
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: get themselves so worked up where they're like the injustice
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: that they see at their job or whatever, and you
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: almost have to like help them understand, like this will
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: not change, but your need for a paycheck is still
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: going to be a reality. Maybe we need to start
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: kind of And it sounds like we're trying to just
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: lull you to sleep or something, but there is something
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: I think about the complex reality of being a human
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: in an unjust world that you do sometimes have to
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: accept that the world sucks and you're you're there are
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: people that you love that are sick with uncurable diseases,
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: your job does horrific things, or there's unjustice or nepotism
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: or whatever's around you. That doesn't mean that you don't
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: push against those things. But I think when we constantly
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: are preoccupied with them and we're allowing ourselves to think
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: about it all the time, I do think that that
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: becomes hard, and I think that's kind of toxic for
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: us over time.
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: I've used this analogy.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: Before Metaphora to take a drink.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: No, this is actually a former client of mine and
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: he had gone through treatment. I was doing outpatient treatment,
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: he was struggling, went into residential treatment, and this is
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: him coming back. So successfully completed residential, came back to
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: my group and we were talking about how things are going.
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: He's like, uh, kind of struggling a little bit, adapting
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: back to return to his home, and he kind of
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: used this analogy where it's like I kind of figured
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: this out, where he's like, it's kind of like, you know,
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: in the past, there's all this chaos surrounding me, and
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: I was just chasing all of it all of the time,
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: trying to control everything. And then he's like, but then
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: I realized, like it's like I have this fish bowl
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: in front of me, and the fish bowl represents everything
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: that I can actually control, okay, and all I have
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: to do is keep the water from splashing out of
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: the fishbowl. And He's like, everything else is just flying
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: around the room like this, And the more that I
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: focus on all that and try to influence it, the
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: more of my fish bowl just splashes all.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: Over the place.
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: Right, He's like, I just have to focus on Like
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: it's it's distracting if I let it distract me. But otherwise,
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: if I just focus focus on this little fish bowl.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: That's it. I like, and I'm going to be Okay,
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: that's focusing on the fish bowl. We need to pin
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: that somewhere in our minds because that is a great analogy.
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: Focusing on the fish bowl in the lakita.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, yeah, So it's sexual twist on this, because
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: lakitas are only for one thing. If you tell a friend, oh, yeah,
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: by the way, we're staying at Lakina, they know what
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: that means.
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: I mean, which apparently you did not when you booked
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: it with your family.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm gonna tell you the truth, Nick, if
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: I can confess them to you, I knew I knew,
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: I knew exactly what was going down Lakina, Orlando.
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: Why why I have a talk with your kids and
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: you can have an experience and let them, let them understand,
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: to remember it.
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: We're just up to this wall. We're just going to
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: get some education.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: He said. There.
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I bought like a bag of Latex gloves,
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: you know, and booties for their shoes. Like, you know,
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: we don't touch anything in this place, you know.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: No. But I love focusing on the fish bowl, and
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: it kind of it underscores some of those lessons. Yes, uh,
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: Gill from what about Bob baby steps? No, the fishbowl?
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: Oh that's right, there's the fishbowl, right, that's Gil.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: That is Gil.
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: So I really like the theory. Couldn't I couldn't tell
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: you a single character name from that movie.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: Other than Bob.
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I still don't you And I watched the goldfish
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: that he carries around in the in the fishbowl around
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: his neck.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: I don't even remember that. You don't remember Bill Murray
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: walking around with a fish bowl tied around his neck.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: It's not a perpetual scene. It's just there is a
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: scene where he's got a fishbowl.
• 18:28
  Speaker 4: Because when he's traveling from the city out to like
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: the doctor's countryside thing, he has to take his pet fish.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well really yeah, so it takes it via tying
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: it around his neck and wearing.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: It like a fucking fine.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: But it kind of underscores your you're focus on the
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: fishbowl analogy. It underscores the other theories that we talk
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: about a lot, like just for today, do the next
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: right thing. And I really agree with you on that because,
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: like when when Phoenix talks about all these things outside
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: of our control that are affecting us, I kind of
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: think it back to like the earlier states of Man,
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: you know, living in the jungles, living in the caves,
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: constantly being under threat. You know, there's always a danger.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: Every single day there's a new challenge. You're fighting starvation,
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: somebody could get injured, there's an predator coming after you,
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: like every day you have to fight to survive. We
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: are built for that shit, you know, Like I don't.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: I know that none of us want to live in
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: perpetual distress, but our ancestors survived and evolved in it.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: In the fucking wild life. Yeah, they beat nature back
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: and like tried to create their own little corners of peace.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: But like we are designed to go through that.
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: And the way that we were able to do that
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: because if you look at our natural defenses, we don't
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: have sharp teeth, we don't run fast, we don't have
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: great vision, right, we don't have sharp claws. We got
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: thin skin. Kung fu, wow, right, kung fu as well
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: as community. Oh that's how we survived. Yeah, we survived
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: because we established community with other people and our numbers
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: kept us safe. Yes, So I think that is actually
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: kind of a big piece when you talk about like
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: survival in this situation where it's like, well, this is
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: where it becomes really important to connect with other.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: People beings around Phoenix. What you need to do is
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: murder the Neanderthals. Okay, that that helped, honestly. Side note
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: that is part of the solution. No or mate with him,
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: or murder or both murder. As Sigmund Freud said, fucker
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: fight brought to you by Lakita and sometimes sometimes there's
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: Laka Orlando. You here to fight. There's no truer slogan
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: in the discord. If somebody could please make that as
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: a image and please put that in there for this
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: channel channel No, but Phoenix. I think.
• 20:52
  Speaker 4: So.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: I love the idea like both God damn. I love
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: the idea of focusing on what you can your fish bowl,
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: and I love the idea of broad and grounding into
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: community because it look it's tough. In the last episode,
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: we had a really good question about the political realities
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: facing us and that therapists have to be on this
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: razor's edge of not being dismissive or minimizing about it,
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: but also not encouraging obsession and preoccupation with it, Like
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: somehow we have to swim, we have to move forward,
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: and we can acknowledge how horrible it is. And when
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: your people are sick in your life, and you know
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: people that you love are dying, you're going through a divorce,
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: You're going through all these fundamental phase shifts. I think
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: all that we're talking about here is essential to your survival,
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: Like an adaptation strategy that's not temporary, that's permanent, that says,
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: I now live in a war reality. What does it
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: look like to evolve to the next version of me?
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: You can stand up against this focusing on your fish bowl,
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: what's in front of me? What do I hold in
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: this world? And am I doing a good job with that.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: Am I doing the best I can today? And as
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: Nick said, getting grounded in your reality with other people
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: that share your understanding of things, that are supportive of you,
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: that are checking on you. Last call for a thought
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: before we move the challenge of the divorce. You can't
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: there is no way that Phoenix cannot talk to I've
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: removed the mask and so like he's got a mask on,
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: but he just took it off to answer this question COVID. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: so what do we think about that? Because Phoenix says, look,
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: I know you guys would prefer I just not but
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: that's not an option. Yeah, that's but every time I
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: talk to this person, it's picking the scab. That is tough.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because you had to work with your ex for
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: a while, right.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, he started a podcast with me.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: Oh that's true. Forgot about that.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: It's not weird anymore. Yeah, we've moved on.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: No, that's really tough. And yeah, yeah working together that
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: was terrible. Yeah, that was definitely terrible.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: And then did you just walk up me like did
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: you get that TPS report? Hey? Uh?
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: And then luckily a friend of mine just happened to
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: be like starting another agency at that time is like, hey,
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: I need a clinical director.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: Before he finished that, Yes, whatever it is you started
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: a yesterday.
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: Uh yeah, I mean the easiest answer is to that
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: just separation. But obviously if that's not an option and
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: you have to I imagine maybe it's a kid situation. Yeah, sure,
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: where we're you know, sharing COSTI or something like that,
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: then I would just say my next thing would be
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: like boundaries, clear boundaries about like, yes, we're having this
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: type of relationship, but this is what this relationship means,
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: this is what it includes, and then this is what
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: it does not include.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: I like your idea of defining what the next version
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: of the relationship is. Like I usually try to get
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: exes if they have a kid, to start seeing their
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: ex as a co parent and like, really, at a
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: deep this is not your ex anymore. This is a
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: co parent. Yeah, and so that really changes like the
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: way you feel about them and the way your expectations
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: of them. You're still gonna have memories with that per
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: but like allowing that to kind of die and re
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: author who they are to you today, it's a step
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: in the right direction.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: Make sure you're very simplifying your communication to I think
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: that's really helpful, Like just when are you picking up point?
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: Like just very to the point.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: You're not avoiding connection, if at all possible, keeping it just.
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: Business and figure out like if it is a parenting
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: thing or whatever it is, like figure out little things
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: that might make it a little better for you, might
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: make it a little easier for you, and communicate that
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: to whoever you need to communicate that to and say like, hey,
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: you know we need so if it's your kids, for instance,
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: if you are exchanging kids, you know, in a custody
• 24:39
  Speaker 4: a custody exchange. You know, just maybe you're staying with
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: somebody else this weekend or something like that, and you
• 24:44
  Speaker 4: usually meet at the house or somewhere like that, and
• 24:48
  Speaker 4: you say, hey, this really this this this gets me
• 24:52
  Speaker 4: that this this this really tickles something in me.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: I don't like it meaning at the house here, yeah,
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: I just that that.
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: Just it irks me the wrong way. Can we please
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: meet somewhere to exchange it? And it's just little things
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: like that, and it also gives your you know, if
• 25:07
  Speaker 4: if it in case of a divorce, it might give
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: the former partner a way to be able to say
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: yes to you right in a request, and and you
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: know that it sounds stupid, but you know, just saying that,
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: having that that moment of being like, yes, I can
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: accommodate that. We don't have to meet at the house.
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: We can meet at the local seven eleven. Right, we'll
• 25:29
  Speaker 4: exchange the kids there. Never meet at the Lakina. Don't
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: do that, not if you don't want another kid. Just
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: know what you're in for.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: Know what you're in for. You prepared to fuck or
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: to fight.
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: We're gonna take quick break and when we come back,
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: we are talking about maintaining friends while having a U
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: D A D H D.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: You're listening to pod therapy. Today's that's a great job.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: You need you need to give me a warning.
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: Is brought to by Robert Brownie Junior, Men's Kilwill Lansbury,
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: Kevin Chamberlain, Ben Stanley, Adam Hathaway, Nan Martin Live, Hey, Yo,
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: Andrew letting me, Chad, Meg and Eel the Prince And
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: if you'd like to spose the show, you can become
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: a therapist er Patreon dot com slash therapy Whitney.
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: What does epcott mean? Is it a Walt Disney's wife's
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: maiden name? B Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow see the
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: first names of each of Disney's children or D. Each
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: person creates original thought. I think B going with B
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: experimental Prototype Community of tomorrow. That is correct, That is correct.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: It's a fuck an acronym, which very much was surprising
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: to me, Jacob. Which of these foods did Jim eat
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: at Epcot? A bone marrow from Canada? B rooster feet
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: from China? CE smoked fish which was harring actually from Norway?
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: Or D brought worst from Germany. Okay, God brought wor
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: like I was.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: I was in on the smoke fish. It's just a
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: different version of a hot You had a hot dog? Yeah,
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: I wanted one, God damn it. But that line was
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: so fucking long.
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: It was so long. Smoked tearing.
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: They didn't have the smoked tearing in Norway. They only
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: did pastries.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: I know. I was like, what the fuck? I was
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: very excited and what's the answer. I had bone marrow
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: from Canada? No, I know. It was served in a
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: fucking bone and it was like and gravy.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: And like, did you eat more than one taste? I ate?
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: What was there? It's like a little it's not that big.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: What do you think of it your face? Fine, did
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: you put it on something? You have to eat it
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: with a spoon. They give you a little crackers so
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: you can you can smear it on a cracker. I
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: wouldn't recommend it, like it's honestly, I don't know whatever.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: Like my mother loved it. She's like, oh my good,
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: I love you knowing bone marrow And I'm like, that's weird, mom,
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: you know, like it was just gross. So it's just
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: like slimy and snotty beef, I guess, but apparently it's
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: good for you.
• 28:21
  Speaker 5: I don't too late for an episode title.
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: So many episode times slimy and beef. Right now we've
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: got one to zero. Whitn's in the lead, Nick, What
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: does Orlando's Beer Spa offer? It's a real place. I
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: was right next to Lakinta. If you're wondering, it was
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: called beer Spa, so I looked into it. It is,
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: which of these things does beer Spa offer? A hot
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: tubs filled with yeast and hops yeast.
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: Like, as a woman, it's like, what yeast brewing yours
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: is going to take to recover from.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: So many monsts?
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: I love Whitney speaking for every woman who listens to
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: our show at once Today. Show is brought to you
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: by Monastery. Your ticket comes with a prescription.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: To the pharmacy.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: Ladies tired of having sex with your man go to
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: the beer spa. We could fix this for like a month.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: That being said, I'm gonna go with a Okay, hot
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: tubs filled with Eastern hops b a sauna infused with
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: steam from I P a s c. Traditional spa with
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: a full bar or d booze scrubs where beer is
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: used to exfoliate.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: These are good.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna go with a. It is hot tubs filled
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: with I think.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: Are in the spot.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: When you get done. It's great because then you have
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: a sour dough start.
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna be sick.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: I think you have to declare that customs at the
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: airport are at the California.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: But Jesus, there's got to be like an only fans
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: for the or whatever.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: I think.
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: I honestly believe there was an episode of Rick Steves
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: where he was someplace in Europe, Okay, maybe Germany where
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: they had like a spot where you could like swim
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: in beer. Okay, yeah, concept.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: I took a picture of this place because I could
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: not believe it was real, and then I looked it
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: up online fare out what the fuck is going on
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: in there? And I truly just expected it to be.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: It's a spa we're serving, like a great idea. Like
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: when I first thought, I was like, of course you should.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: A lot of the spas in Vegas do not serve.
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: Here's the thing, and even the ones that I've been
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: in this episode of Rick Steves I remember because like
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: the crazy thing about it was like, if you think
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: of drinking beer, you want cold beer. But if you
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: think of relaxing in a pool, you want a warmer
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: yea pool. So it's kind of the worst of both worlds. Yeah, yeah,
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: you've taken two good ideas. The version warm beer.
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: There are some of the like the some of the
• 31:22
  Speaker 4: German beers and some of the euro beers are made
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: to be served at room town.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: Well, you're not going to drink the beer they did?
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: What no, no, hey man? Would you like this beer?
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: What if I put my balls in it?
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: First?
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: You charge extra? Did you want this corona with a
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: lime or my dick? It's continental in your hot tub?
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: Is more titles? All the titles.
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: I think it was a title probably is Lakina. If
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: you want to sponsor the show Lakita, this is your
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: chain apology. I mean, we are honestly selling Lakita pretty
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: hard to like. There's no way somebody doesn't pick a
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: Lakina just for the picture at this.
• 32:14
  Speaker 7: Point, guys, we haven't published the show yet. We just
• 32:16
  Speaker 7: got to see it. It's this for Bkita. I don't
• 32:20
  Speaker 7: know how this happened. La Canta's lawyer is an alligator, right,
• 32:26
  Speaker 7: and I hope he has a Southern accent. And he's
• 32:27
  Speaker 7: wearing a white cream suit with a hat.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: I say, I says the parish box line.
• 32:38
  Speaker 8: You're a Lakita is a family institution and I will
• 32:42
  Speaker 8: not stand for that. Also, please don't make any sudden turns.
• 32:47
  Speaker 8: I can't turn as fast as you can because I'm
• 32:50
  Speaker 8: very long. I am, however, faster on land than people
• 32:55
  Speaker 8: believe I am. Just why looking at me faster than
• 32:59
  Speaker 8: you think I am? Be careful if you see me
• 33:01
  Speaker 8: on the land, did you really quick? The zigzag thing
• 33:04
  Speaker 8: is a myth. Yeah, oh I thought that was true.
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: I was telling my kids, Hey, if one of these
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: fucking gators gets out, like, we're gonna run in zigzags
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: and then we were listening to the presenter and he's like,
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: so there's a myth out there that the zigzag ship
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: will happen that will just slow you down. Like, no,
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: the gators absolutely can.
• 33:20
  Speaker 4: They're gonna get They were like, you're just faster than
• 33:24
  Speaker 4: a gator if you sprint, so do that because it
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: turns out they have small legs.
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: But zigging and zag Yeah, yeah, that's what it really was.
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: They a million year old reptiles and they just lose
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: interested you. Turns out they are not like these marathon running,
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: fucking cheetah hunters, like they grab you at the side
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: of the water and pull you out.
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: Something else comes along, Yeah, exactly, they will. Wait, they're
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: hanging out where the water is.
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: Oh my god. All right, we got a tie. Whitney
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: and Nick at are at one and Jacob falling behind
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: here with zero but yeah, weirdow the only person who
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: got asked the question like, what did Jimmy? Yeah?
• 33:58
  Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, not what does EPCOT stand?
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: Round two? We got some more coming, all right, I
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: know I did. Oh okay, maintaining friends while having autism
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: and ADHD high pod thera friends. First off, I want
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: to say that I love chocolate pudding. If you have some,
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: you should eat a cup in my honor this episode,
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: I think that's like a sexual thing, right, Like that's
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: what the kids are saying. I mean, that's what I'm
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: gonna make it. Eat my chocolate pudding. Now that that's
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: out of the way. I'm a mid twenties woman who
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: was diagnosed only a few years ago with autism and
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: ADHD after years of trying to find a diagnosis and
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: treatment plan that worked for me. In my teenage years,
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: I had pretty severe episodes of depression do largely to
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: what I know now was autistic burnout that led to
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: the loss of many friendships due to lack of ability
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: to maintain contact and put in the needed effort on
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: my part. Now, as an adult who is a relatively
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: stable life, I still struggle with maintaining friendships. The difficulty
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: for me is that I have to be very careful
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: with how I spend my social energy, specifically balancing hypo
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: and hyper stimulation. Most weeks, I can get done the
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: things I need to do, but often there isn't much
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: left for me to give. Socially speaking, it's especially hard
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: maintaining friendships with friends who've had kids, because even though
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: I get along well with and love kids, the overstimulation
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: is often too much to handle. Plus I can be
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: hard to relate to my or it can be hard
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: to relate to my friends in their parenthood. Weeks or
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: months can go by where I do not have the
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: social energy to maintain contact, which only makes it harder
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: to get back into contact because of the buildup of guilt.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: I'm very much a people pleaser, so rather than reaching
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: out to a friend just to check in, I avoid
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: it for fear of being asked to go do something,
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: having to say no, or not saying no, and then
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: facing the consequences of overdoing something. This has led to
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: compounding feelings of inadequacy and guilt. Any suggestions you have
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: would be appreciated. Love a potentially terrible friend aka Hayley
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: aka a Alec Lancaster's wife. Oh ps. At some point
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: in twenty twenty six, Alick and I will do a
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: wedding celebration near his hometown in the USA, and you
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: are all invited.
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: Obviously, Wow, very inte us to his wedding.
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: I know, well that was this morning. Oh that's fair.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: Will the reception be at the Lakina.
• 36:25
  Speaker 4: Suggestion Lakita pants optional, Oh my god, fun mandatory.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Having friends that are neurodivergent that can be that
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: can be a challenge because there are different different needs
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: that that like have to be met on each side.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: I think, And when I think about friends I have
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: that are I would say on the spectrum, and we've
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: I've talked with them about it, even if they're like
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: never been diagons, but they recognize there are some things
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: coming up. They're like, hmmm, we'll talk about that. And
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: I guess I want to ask, like, how close are
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: some of these friends because a couple of things you
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: touched on were like your friends having kids. That's its
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: own thing.
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: I want to say, Yeah, yeah, we're going to come
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: back to that.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so okay, so that's a separate thing. We can
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: circle back because I think that is very relatable no
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: matter what.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, that's just a thing. That's just the thing.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: Yes, there will be separation for some time or some
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: distance if you do not have children and your friends
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: are having children. But as far as like just kind
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: of the the level of tolerance you have for hanging
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: out with others. I have found that if my friends
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: come to me and are like, hey, I'm I'm working,
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: I'm tired, whatever. You don't even have to have a reason,
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: like just this is my energy level, this is where
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: I'm at. I'll be able to reach out, you know,
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: every few weeks or like whatever that looks like for you.
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: You're describing it here in the letter. I would reach
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: out to your friends if if you feel close enough
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: to them and and maybe like just the handful one, two,
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: three of them and kind of share that with them, like, hey,
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: I'm going to check in via text. I feel like
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: my friends who are maybe on the spectrum or ADHD,
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: we do a lot of texting and there's not obligation. Okay,
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: I spend time after that. I hear you that, like
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: social norms do say once we reach out, we need
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: to get together.
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: We can ask you a question about that. Because I
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: feel like over the years when i've I've had male
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: patients that present with autism or a DHD, I feel
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: like it's a lot more socially acceptable, like it's almost easier,
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: and I don't want to minimize anybody. I think it's
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: harder to be a female who's on the autistic spectrum
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: because I think feminine autism presents differently, and I think
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: a lot of us don't know how to recognize it. Yeah,
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: But then like the cultural expectations to how to have relationships,
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: like Nick, how often would you say you and I
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: check on each other? How often would you say you
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: just send me a one, say hey, Bud, how are
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: you doing outside of recording? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, over the
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: last ever twelve years, I don't think it's ever happened.
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: I think it happened once when my kid was in
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: the hospital and you found out because you were asking
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: me if we were doing March Madness and yeah, I'm
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: actually at the hospital. No, No, you just didn't reply. Yeah.
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: I think it was or like six months later, Oh
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: that's right, because you were like, hey man, whatever happened
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: with March mad As I was like, oh, I was
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: in the hospital. Yeah. Yeah, So the relationship dynamic a
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: little bit different, I don't think. But like with feminine relationships,
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: it seems like there's that pressure to check in and
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: writer is saying like, I'm not.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: Good at that, Like, yeah, I would start with just
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: having a pretty forward conversation to start. I think you
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: from hearing how you wrote the letter. Alex's wife almost wife, Hayley.
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: I think how you wrote it sounds like there might
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: be a lot of anxiety behind having some of these conversations,
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: like fear of rejection or fear of like they they
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: will want to push to get closer, and that's that's
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: I don't want to spend time doing that, or I
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: can't mentally and emotionally. So I think letting go of
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: some of those fears and reminding ourselves sometimes that that
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: somewhat more direct communication can be very helpful in the end,
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: and it doesn't have to be a scary thing we're
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: telling ourselves like oh I'm being vulnerable. I'm telling them like, hey,
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: I still want to be your friend, I still love you,
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: I care about you. I do sometimes want to spend
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: time with you, but I just my my level of
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: being able to do that with work with my family.
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm a low bandwidth person.
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: This is about how often I have that amount of energy.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: Like what are your thoughts about? Is that okay? And
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: I feel like ninety nine percent of the time if
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: people are aware of that, like okay, cool is it okay?
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: If I like text to check in on you or
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: like you just let me know if you need something
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: like I think there can be a dialogue there where
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: if my friends do that with me, which they I
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: don't know. Maybe I assume that I pick up on
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: that over time. I don't take offense to it. But
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: if someone were to come to me and tell me
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: that and say like, this is how much bandwidth I
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: can give you and our friendship, I'd be like, okay,
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: Like yeah.
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: As long as you signpost that and tell me, then
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: I know how to interpret it.
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: The bar for you is like, oh, she reaches out
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: every two months like and checks in. Great, that means
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: she I'm on her radar and that still feels good
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: to me, versus like my other friends who like every
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: couple of weeks. If we're like really close and really social,
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: then it's been a while and I'm like, oh, two
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: months would be like hey, girl spent a minute. But
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: that's only because that's the expectations set. So you're kind
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: of setting expectations.
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: I guess like most like that.
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: And I think I agree with that. I think sometimes
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: it's hard, you know, for it to really be received.
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: I think there's part of like I agree with what
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: you're saying as far as like kind of creating that expectation.
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: But like I can relate to this Haley in that
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: the whole social energy thing I never understood, okay until
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: I started seeing Laura. Oh okay, because Laura kind of
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: has the same thing as far as like social energy.
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: But she just she and I were just talking about this, yeah, just.
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: She gets to a point where she's like, Okay, I'm done.
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: I need to I need to get away. I need
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: to isolate and need to just be by myself.
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: And like even after I understood that, I still kind
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: of had this idea like, yep, I totally understand, but
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: can you just can you just flip the switch on
• 42:16
  Speaker 3: real quick for the next twenty minutes or so or
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: can you just do this? And and I kind of
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: started realizing like, no, she can't, Like that's just no
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: like if if she's if her social battery is empty,
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: it's just empty. There's no more in reserve, Like you
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: can't just And it took me a while to really
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: kind of understand and start to respect that.
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, like Laura when I saw her last few
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: weeks ago, Like we'll go a while without without talking,
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: and sometimes I will feel like, oh, like does she
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: want to be my friend stiol or what's to do?
• 42:45
  Speaker 4: No, she doesn't, that's what she told me. No, she's
• 42:48
  Speaker 4: been suddenly sending messages for years. Yeah, now she's just
• 42:51
  Speaker 4: not so suddenly.
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: Said, well she hasn't told me as I'm gonna keep pushing.
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: Several years.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: So we were talking that she's like manus No. I
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: appreciated it though, because she was like, yeah, you know,
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: I do like doing stuff, but I maybe she's just
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: not the type to like reach out. And I hear
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: this from other women too that I'm friends with. Sometimes
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: it's like some people are just very extrovert and very outreaching,
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: right and some are not. But now if I know
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: that about Laura, whether she's lying to me or not,
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: like what she's told me is what I'm going off.
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: But it's like, hey, I do like spending time to
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: other I just may not be the person to reach out.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, great, so now I sort of like
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: categorize that my brand, like, so I will still reach
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: out to her. She can say no, that's fine, but
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: like I'll let her know. We'll never you know, I'm
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: thinking of her.
• 43:41
  Speaker 3: I've learned over the years to not take no personally.
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: And that's been a difficult one for me.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: I was gonna say, do you feel like that's this
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: is my herego gender theory. I feel like men have
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: a hard time with that weird rejection vibe. I don't
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: know that's like maybe from women.
• 44:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah it is weird, but like I feel like I
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: don't know, like if if like, hey, I want to
• 44:05
  Speaker 3: go do this thing, and then she's just for.
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you should.
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: You do that.
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: I was thinking we should go for a romantic weekend
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: to you know, lakin to Orlando, and she's like, yeah,
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: go have fun, fun with Joe and Jim will have
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: a great time.
• 44:21
  Speaker 3: But yeah, I mean, looking at it from the other
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: person's perspective, it's like, oh, it's not it's not insulting,
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: like you know, she doesn't see that that's an issue.
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: It's just yeah, I can't but you should. Well. And
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: in coming back to the autism component too, I've heard
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: some people use this metaphor of like a light, you know,
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: so like that you turn on a light. For the
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: neurotypical person, they turn on the light and they illuminate
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: a big space and it's not drawing a lot of watts, right,
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: whereas autism sometimes is like this laser and so it's
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: like it takes a lot of energy, but they can
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: like really dial into something and so like they'll be
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: an expert at something, they'll bring a lot of attention
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: to it. But then there's this burnout where it's like
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: there is this low or this high sensitivity to stimuli
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: because every stimuli brings a laser focus toward it, whereas
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: like maybe somebody it's neurotypical, it's just sort of not
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: bothered by things, and like it just rolls off their shoulder. Yeah,
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: So for Haley talking about even like autistic burnout as
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: a child, and like we do see that where a
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: lot of people what seems to present as depression and
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: ought to still be treated as depression later we discover
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: it really has to do with their neurology. It has
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: to do with the way that they pattern in the world.
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: And so that autistic burnout is real, you know, And
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: so like I think that, you know, I like your
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: your theory Whitney, that it's good to teach your relationships
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: what to expect of you. It's good to sort of
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: put that out there and make a joke out of
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: be like, hey, I got touch with the tism. You know.
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: So here's what that means. You know, I can be
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: a little flighty. I can be you know, kind of
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: avoidant sometimes if you're not careful, that can come off
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: as disinterested. That's not true. I actually really like you,
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: and like my best version of relationship looks like this,
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: and it's like, okay, like thank you for teaching me that.
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: Like I do want to be your friend, and now
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: that I know what your friendship style is, that works
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: for me. But all three of you have had to
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: deal with friends that have kids, and like you know,
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: Haley's talking about like that feeling itchy sometimes and then
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: feeling a sense of guilt because like I'll avoid friends
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: that have kids because I don't want to get entangled.
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: And there stud this this is not this is not
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: a you problem, Haley.
• 46:17
  Speaker 4: This this is a problem that just exists that you
• 46:19
  Speaker 4: have discovered.
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: Uh. This is like, yeah, I going.
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: Through it though it feels like what, like I realize, oh, everyone.
• 46:29
  Speaker 4: I had his friend one time who has uh now
• 46:32
  Speaker 4: he has two kids. He has he has two sons
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: now and they are a little older now, and so
• 46:39
  Speaker 4: we've kind of like started.
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: Hanging out reconnecting.
• 46:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, like and we never really fell out of connection,
• 46:45
  Speaker 4: but we went from like hanging out, you know, a
• 46:49
  Speaker 4: couple of times a month to maybe seeing each other
• 46:51
  Speaker 4: like once a year, and then it'd be for like.
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: An hour or so and like maybe a thing and
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: then and then you know, we wouldn't seeach other for
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: a while.
• 46:58
  Speaker 4: And he said when he had his first he was like, yeah,
• 47:01
  Speaker 4: we're probably just not gonna be friends as much anymore.
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: Oh wow, it just happens because.
• 47:07
  Speaker 4: It won that he was aware he had done it
• 47:09
  Speaker 4: the other direction already. Okay, so he had already had
• 47:12
  Speaker 4: friends that had had just.
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: Setting the expectation.
• 47:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly that he was like, hey, this is what happened,
• 47:17
  Speaker 4: and I bet it's gonna happen again. So just just
• 47:20
  Speaker 4: you know that's probably gonna happen. And I was like, oh, yeah,
• 47:23
  Speaker 4: that probably does happen to some degree. And then and
• 47:25
  Speaker 4: then I was like oh no, no, no, that just happened then,
• 47:27
  Speaker 4: like oh and then like since then, you have a
• 47:30
  Speaker 4: lot of friends with kids now, yeah, and like, yeah,
• 47:33
  Speaker 4: I have great relationships with my friends with kids, but
• 47:37
  Speaker 4: it is not the same thing. Last night, I got
• 47:40
  Speaker 4: done with my show at like eight thirty with no
• 47:44
  Speaker 4: plans to do anything. I got home at five am.
• 47:48
  Speaker 4: Oh wow, I don't have kids. I remember this comic
• 47:51
  Speaker 4: that I thought of, like, Jim can't do that, right,
• 47:54
  Speaker 4: that's not it. I just decided to not come home right.
• 47:57
  Speaker 4: I was like, Oh, I ran into some people having drinks,
• 48:00
  Speaker 4: listen to music like that, all kinds of stuff.
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: We had a nice time. I remember years ago there
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: was this comic that reminded me of Jacob, and it's
• 48:05
  Speaker 2: this guy just walking around and underwear in a park
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: and it's like the Adventures of Lord no kids, and
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: he's talking to his friends who have a kid. He's like,
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna follow this goose for a while.
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: It's a little thing.
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: See where I end up. Yeah, yeah, but I know
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: it's a very different reality than the kids, which force
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: I think, routine and stability, and like for all three
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: of you, do your friends ever try to hang out
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: with you and bring their kids?
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: So I feel like I have. I don't know how
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: Jacob and Nick feel about this. I have kind of
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: a whenever I have a gathering or a hangout, my
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: theory is almost always, if you want to bring your kids,
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: you can, Okay? Yeah, Like, and what I actually get back.
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: Most time is sometimes they have to like they couldn't
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: find a set or whatever. Their kids are coming along
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: and whatever, but maybe not to the bar. But other
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: times they're like, I don't want to bring my kid
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: because I am not as present and I won't get
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: to enjoy my time because I'll be thinking about my
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: kid the whole time. And that was something that was
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: kind of I hadn't thought about, Oh, just bring your kid,
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: it's whatever. But I'm like, oh no, if I had
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: a kid, and when to someone that's all you're thinking
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: about is like where's the kid?
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: Are like bringing your dog? You know, like it's like,
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: where's my dog? Like is it being on your Yeah?
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: I guess that's true if you were inside and it
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: wasn't just like even if it's running around outside, I
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: guess tearing up your flower present with.
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: You and like is it still okay? What is it?
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: Because there's nothing? What's in your mouth?
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: Dogship? Oh?
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: My dogs are doing this all the time in the backyard.
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: It's a new backyard.
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, what are you eating? Yeah?
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: I go outside and there's something in the mouth, Like
• 49:40
  Speaker 3: what the Then you got to wrestle their jaws?
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, drop jo like I.
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: Won't, I won't do it. It's like a toddlers.
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: My son did that whenever he was like an infant toddler.
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: Just do not pick things up off the ground and
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: uh and yeah, he had some in his mouth and
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: I dove on the floor and like got out of
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: his mouth and it was a fucking screw. It was
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: like a nail and I was like, god, damn, Like,
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: where'd you even be about?
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: I saved a lot of money that day. So yeah,
• 50:13
  Speaker 2: definitely dive on kids. Neither for you, Jacob and Nick,
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: your your friends almost never, I imagine bring their kids around.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: I feel like the male dynamic is.
• 50:20
  Speaker 4: My thing is always with Whitney. I'm always if I'm
• 50:22
  Speaker 4: doing something my house and you have kids.
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: You know the you know the environment.
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: That is true. You hosted a really fun against like
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: fall thing in your backyard and you ended up putting
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: on a movie for the kids, and there was a
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: bunch of families there that had their kids and they
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: were just walking around eating cheeseburger. I ended up sitting
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: with all the kids watching before. It was really great
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: because like me and this little boy were like singing
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: all the songs together. And like we just became best friends.
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: And then his mom walks over. She's like, you like
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: this movie. I was like, this is the best movie ever.
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: She's like, okay, yeah, it's like, first off, he talked
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: to me. Okay, I was just sitting here with a
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: bowl of candy.
• 50:59
  Speaker 4: M That mom is a is a veteran in Las
• 51:03
  Speaker 4: Vegas entertator.
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: She could deal with jib just fine. She did. She
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: was great. She had no issue dealing with you. What
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: about you, Nick, I mean you won't, you know, interact
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: with people with kids too off? And I imagine most
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: of my friends that have kids live in Iowa, so
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: I don't get to see them any Okay, So like
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: our contactor, I've hung out with you with my kids.
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: You and I went and saw a movie together once
• 51:24
  Speaker 2: and I brought my son and you're chill and just
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: be like, hey, buddy, you make conversation with him for
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: a few minutes.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: So that has been a foster parents Yeah.
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And actually he had my son in foster care
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: for a while to an extent, and rehab.
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he was your therapist and rehab foster.
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: This predates you being on the show by years and years.
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: But there was an entire era where there was an
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: ongoing debate of which gentleman I would leave my children to.
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: Would I be leaving my kids to Jacob or Nick?
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: I picked Jacob at the time.
• 51:53
  Speaker 4: He picked me immediately that at the time it was
• 51:57
  Speaker 4: a quick decision.
• 51:58
  Speaker 2: Am I exaggerating with me? That's what my mother said.
• 52:03
  Speaker 2: My mother pulled the car over while she was listening
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: to the show and called me and was like, don't
• 52:08
  Speaker 2: you fucking give those kids the Jacob. I was like,
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: what are you talking about? Okay?
• 52:14
  Speaker 9: His story about my logic at the time was Jacob
• 52:17
  Speaker 9: has nieces and he'll take them for like a summer
• 52:20
  Speaker 9: at a time, so he's he's throughout he's had kids
• 52:24
  Speaker 9: visiting his house, but for real in his ecosystem.
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: And I thought, okay, Nick has nieces and nephews, but
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: he doesn't take custody of them for like periods of time.
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: But then Nick brought up, I've legally been a foster parent,
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: and I'm trained to deal with children. You know what,
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: Jacob is probably just going to give your kid alcohol.
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: He's gonna let them take care of the alligators in
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: the pond outside. No, here's trade. Let's say Nick was
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: never a foster parent. Here's here's the vibe here. Nick
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: is so anxiety written that he will fuck it up.
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: People capitalize on them, all right, Jacob's too laid back.
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: He might be like, these kids will be fine. Which
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: kids be happy though, Yes, they'll.
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: Be happier with Jacob're gonna be safer.
• 53:07
  Speaker 4: I think that if Jacob be safer with you, they're
• 53:09
  Speaker 4: could be safe enough with Jacob.
• 53:11
  Speaker 2: I think I take my kids for a month. I
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: think on day one for the month, I think Jacob
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: just takes them to Walmart and goes buy whatever you want.
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: Here's a PS five and a fucking TV. Yeah, there
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: you go. Now, just entertain yourselves. I think Nick actually
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: goes to the grocery store and like thinks, what do
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: these kids need to be eating? What's going on with
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: that doll? Now?
• 53:32
  Speaker 3: I think if Jacob and I were to raise children together.
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: Okay, all right, we're doing the three men in a baby.
• 53:37
  Speaker 2: We're doing a baby scenario. Okay, yeah, yeah, no, this
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: is this is great. Obviously, if I were the third
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: man this scenario, I'm raising the fucking kid. Since I've
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: done that.
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: Okay, But on another little tangent, real quick, I had
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: this idea because I kind of wanted a dog, but
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: like I don't want the dog full time. So I
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: was like, can I just like go in with like
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: two other friends and we can like share the dog? Okay?
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: I was like dog owners out there is this? This
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: is I like, like, you get them?
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this is great.
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: You hang out with it, you need to go travel
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: for a months, you don't go to Is it a.
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: Dog share or is it basically polyamory but with animals
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: you don't have to I don't think doesn't have to be.
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: I guess you have to have sex and polyamory. Yeah, exactly.
• 54:23
  Speaker 2: It's a swinger. It's about the connection. So you know,
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: we want love with the dog to be multiplied, not divided. Okay,
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: should we get a pot therapy pet? Are we gonna
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: do this? Do we just go to a pet store
• 54:36
  Speaker 2: together and just fucking pick something. I think we could
• 54:39
  Speaker 2: do a pot therapy Like we could do a pot
• 54:43
  Speaker 2: therapy gerbil and just like pass it around every week.
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: It's like show and tell in a kindergarten.
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: Like to take it for a week bigger than big.
• 54:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Like we do better with a turtle. I feel
• 54:53
  Speaker 4: like if we got it. I think hurdles are tough.
• 54:56
  Speaker 4: They survive.
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: That's what we need.
• 54:58
  Speaker 3: Rule as you start with a plant, okay, yeah, then
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: if it's still alive after a year.
• 55:05
  Speaker 2: Okay. I love their succulent listeners. Somebody send us a
• 55:11
  Speaker 2: pod therapy succulent, No, forget it, send us a puppy.
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're going Jacob's baby.
• 55:20
  Speaker 2: As a human child. What's the mailing address. It's in
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: the Discover. Jacob checks the mailbox once every ten days. Yeah,
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: that's right.
• 55:34
  Speaker 4: You want to do it now before it gets hot.
• 55:37
  Speaker 4: Nothing smells worse than eleven day old mailbox.
• 55:40
  Speaker 2: Baby. We just don't want to do. The cleanup is ridiculous.
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: This is definitely the last show we ever do anyway, writer,
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: good luck with this, and you know, congratulations to you
• 55:56
  Speaker 2: and Alec. Always love whenever our long timelesssteners make their
• 56:01
  Speaker 2: spouses start listening to the show. I love that that happens.
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: That's how we grow. You can have your own Patreon account, right,
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: don't don't listen to allgab. He's like, we're gonna share it.
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: Be like, how dare you? Okay, I support the show independently.
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: We are going to take a quick break, and when
• 56:15
  Speaker 2: we come back, we're talking about how to support a
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: friend whose partner keeps changing gender identities. Interesting you're listening
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: to pod therapy.
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: Today's episode is brought to you by Robert Brownie Junior
• 56:27
  Speaker 3: Men's Kayla Lansbury, Chamberlin, Ben Stanley, Adam Hathaway, Dan Martin,
• 56:32
  Speaker 3: win Ao, Andon Lgney, Chad mag and Akola Prince And
• 56:36
  Speaker 3: if you like to spice the show, become at theber
• 56:38
  Speaker 3: dot com slash there.
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: All right, it's tied one to one with Jacob at zero,
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: but there's lots of game left. We're going back. Did
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: Jim eat this? Jim yea pants short croc pants?
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the crocodiles all the time.
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: Whitney, what is the informal name for the launch pads
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: near Kennon the Space Center? Is it a space Coast, B,
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: Moon Beach, C Cosmic Harbor or D Starport?
• 57:13
  Speaker 10: Space coast is correct?
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: Look at you getting two for two. We're over to Jacob.
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: I mean, I know, spaceness crushing a tough one.
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: Jacob, I don't know why you keep getting the lucky
• 57:26
  Speaker 2: top of one.
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: He didn't plan this, No.
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: I didn't, just in order if only someone could do
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: something about this now. Also, fuck you. I hope you listen, Jacob.
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: How many Apollo missions were there? Do you want to
• 57:37
  Speaker 2: shoot from the hippod Do you want options? I think it's
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: I think it's twenty something. Take options. You give me
• 57:47
  Speaker 2: options seventeen, fifteen because missions two and three never happened.
• 57:54
  Speaker 2: Uh huh, twelve because missions two and three didn't happen,
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: and four through six were unmanned, or thirteen.
• 58:03
  Speaker 4: They don't wait, why would they They're still missions if
• 58:06
  Speaker 4: they're not manned.
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: You make your guess ay. Seventeen is the total number
• 58:13
  Speaker 2: of Apollo missions in the sense that there is an
• 58:15
  Speaker 2: Apollo seventeen, but there is no Apollo two, and there
• 58:19
  Speaker 2: is no Apollo three because an Apollo one. That's the
• 58:21
  Speaker 2: one they had the fire during the procedure. Yeah, and
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: so then they grounded them. They skipped two and three,
• 58:27
  Speaker 2: and the next Apollo mission was four, but they did
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: they didn't launch the vehicle. They still did the mission.
• 58:35
  Speaker 2: There was no named Apollo two or three, so they
• 58:37
  Speaker 2: just skipped them and to like put some time between it.
• 58:40
  Speaker 2: The next one was Apollo four, and it was a
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: pr choice. So the answer is fifteen because two and
• 58:45
  Speaker 2: three didn't happen.
• 58:46
  Speaker 4: But you idiots, God damn zero loser. All right, Nick
• 58:51
  Speaker 4: gets a gym question away. There's a documentary on Netflix,
• 58:56
  Speaker 4: the Apollo eleven.
• 58:57
  Speaker 2: Ooh, yeah, that is a good Like there's.
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: No talking, it's just just finish.
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: It's his footage. Yeah, okay, are you talking about Paul thirteen,
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: because there's a Paul thirteen one too. I didn't know
• 59:11
  Speaker 2: the Apol eleven one. Yeah, it is really good. At
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: Kennedy's Space Center, when you go to the there's a
• 59:16
  Speaker 2: whole museum that's just celebrating the Apollo missions. And that's
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: the one where they have the Saturn five rocket which
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: they all flew, which is fucking huge. They they have
• 59:24
  Speaker 2: set a section of the museum it is the actual
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: mission control so like all the computer banks and stuff.
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: It's that building. You get to sit in these bleachers
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: behind it and they simulate the entire launch of like
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: what it was like, and it is the It's so cool. Man.
• 59:37
  Speaker 2: The theater that they did to make this it is
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: really really cool. That is a fun trip. Man, Kennedy
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: was a great time. Nick, which of the following animals
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: did Jim take a photo with at gator Land. Is
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: it a Jim on the back of an alligator? These
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: are all living things, by the way. Jim on the
• 59:56
  Speaker 2: back of an alligator. B Jim holding a tarantula. See
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 2: a python wrapped around my shoulders or d an iguana
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 2: on my head? I'll go with the python. With the
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: python incorrect. I got on the back of a fucking gator.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 2: I feel like it's the gator.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: Indeed it was, because that's it, that's the easy tourist
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: shut it is.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 10: But also why was that allowed? Like I just don't understand.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 10: There no fucking mo Yeah, like one one fucking electrical
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 10: tape roll like just like.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: It's like the strong.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the muscles that open open very strong. But yeah, no,
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 2: I I they taped its mouth shut. I got on
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 2: its back and I pull its its head backwards and
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: lift its jaw up and I am just there and
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 2: there's nobody next to me, and they take a picture.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: Did you so you touched its skin or it it's.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 2: Soft, stroked its skin. It was arouse.
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they cut the picture off.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 2: It's Florida Nick. It was mandatory. They cut the picture off.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: Now you can't see Jim's face at all. Exactly No,
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: I'm laying on the gator in a sultry pose. It's
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 2: like laying on a bare skin rug the Burt Reynolds picture.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: It's basically that. Yeah, yeah, all right. I'm gonna give
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: Jacob a chance for a rebound.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 4: Go ahead, do yourself a favorite listeners google Burt Reynolds
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 4: bear skin rug.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 2: I like Jacob heres a rebound. Just to give you
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 2: a shot. Here, what is the primary difference between an
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 2: alligator and a crocodile? Two? If you shoot from the
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 2: hip where you can take options, Oh.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 4: One will see you later and one will see you
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 4: after a while. Honestly, I think he deserves three points. Also,
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 4: the shape of the snout regions.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: That is it. It is the shape of the yep.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: Alligators have more of a square jaw and crocodiles are more.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 2: They come to a point two points. We have a
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: tie game except for Nick, who's an idiot so knicks
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 2: down to one. We have a tie between Jacob and Whitney,
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 2: and I have a tiebreaker question for the end of
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 2: the show. Oh, I hope it's more Allecay Carlakina. It
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 2: is not. It is an airline question, and it has
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 2: a story attached to it.
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: Interesting.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: How to support my friend whose partner keeps changing gender identities. Hey, everyone,
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: A very good friend of mine, let's call her Jay,
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 2: is currently in a huge crisis. She has recently been
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: diagnosed with depression and I'm just happy she is getting
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 2: therapeutic help, but still I feel the urge to help
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 2: her slash be a better friend. To give some context,
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: my friend got married to her husband Joe around two
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: years ago. A few weeks before the wedding, Joe told
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: her about no longer feeling comfortable identifying as a male
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: and that they rather feel like their non binary They
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: wanted to give her a chance of rethinking about the
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 2: relationship before saying yes. At that time, they were just
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 2: talking about maybe wearing some earrings or long skirts. They
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: said yes in an amazing wedding, and Jay made it
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: clear she fully supported Joe in finding their way, But
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: things started to take some turns. Joe has kept changing
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: their identity away from non binary tea to a very
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 2: female look. They now identify as Joe Slash Joanna, shaved
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: their beard and started to wear dresses, and recently even
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 2: decided to take hormones. My friend, although supportive in loving them,
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 2: no longer feels attracted to them. Furthermore, she recently got
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 2: fired and now feels really dependent on their marriage. On
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 2: top of that, she is struggling with various health issues.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 2: The strong, beautiful woman that lit up every room on
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: entering I knew her as is gone now, she admitted
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 2: she no longer knows who she is. I try to
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: comfort her and told her I'd always be there, but
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 2: I don't know that is enough. I fear their marriage
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 2: is falling apart, and while I love them, while both
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 2: of them, I tend to think that it would be
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 2: better for her to leave. I, however, struggle to find
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: my role in all this. Sorry for the long letter,
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 2: love everything you do, Thanks for all the laughs. Lost
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 2: in love affairs pronouns are she and her? Yeah? As
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: a friend too? Like what is our role? I know
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 2: that's tough.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 1: I was gonna say first, it sounds like you're a
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: really good friend. You're trying to be there for both
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: people in this sounds like, you know, when when we're
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: friends with one person, you kind of are friends with
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: their partner too, right, And it sounds like you want
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: the best for your friend. Gosh, the direction I go
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: to it's so hard to do in the moment, and
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 1: that's wh I'm glad you wrote in and asked, because
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 1: sometimes getting that outside perspective can be helpful. But my
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: go to in situations like this, are you really have
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 1: to step back and support m hm. I hear you
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: when you're like, I feel like my friend would be
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: better if she left, And you know what, personally, I agree,
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: Like I just a personal opinion. I feel like based
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 1: on what you shared, I hear you, and I kind
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: of I see what you're saying, like I would. I
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: see where you're coming from. However, we are all in
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: charge of our own lives, and I think you being
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: a support for your friend that's what allows the people
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: in our lives to be uplifted if they know they
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: have support kind of like what Nick was saying earlier,
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: like your community. You know you have support from community,
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 1: whether that's a place to stay if she decides to leave, Joanna, like,
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: if you're there to just say, hey, what can I do?
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 1: Do you need just a friend to talk to? Whatever?
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: Do you need me to buy you a meal? Like?
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 2: What is it that you need?
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: Do you just need normalcy? Whatever that is?
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 2: Watch a movie watch.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: Come over to my house, like, spend more time with me,
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: Like you know, that's okay too, I think really digging
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: into like I am a support person and you can't
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: force others to make decisions.
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 2: One of the biggest mistakes you can make in this
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 2: scenario is taking a position, yeah, like I think you
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 2: need to get a divorce. And sometimes we think our
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 2: friend wants that from us because almost like they want
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 2: to push or they want permission that way. Later they
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 2: can look back and be like the people in my
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 2: life that loved me advocated for that, but like I
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 2: in my experience at almost always backfires. Yeah, don't do that. Yeah,
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 2: oh good, I'm glad you I hated that person. Yeah yeah,
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 2: good news. We're getting back together. It's gonna work out.
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: And sometimes people are like they vent to you, and
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 1: then when you finally come out and say like, oh, yeah,
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: you should leave them, like wait, what, I wasn't trying
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: to leave them? Like, you know, you never know what
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: really is going on under the surface. You are their friends,
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: so they are venting too. They are telling you things,
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: but you gotta be really careful not to just assume
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: like what they.
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: Want and what we're hearing, and I think as therapist,
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 2: we all know this. We're hearing one side of the story,
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 2: and we're also hearing like a really myopic, you know,
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 2: presentation of things, which is sort of like this is
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 2: me and my struggles, and it's and this happened, and
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 2: then this happened, and then this happened. And when you're
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 2: barraged with all all these yes, and then you go, goodness, gracious,
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 2: you've got to quit that job. You've got to break
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 2: up with this person. This is not working out. But like, contextually,
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 2: they're not sharing about how Joanna poured me my favorite
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 2: cup of coffee yesterday and checked in on me whenever
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 2: I found out my mom, you know, was having a
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: hard time. Like you just lose all the nuances of
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 2: like their full dimensional relationship. So as a friend, you
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 2: can easily get lost in that. So I think that
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 2: writer is doing a pretty good job of like trying
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 2: to stay on the sidelines here we should discuss a
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 2: little bit the reality of gender fluidity, because I feel
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 2: like this kind of question and I don't hear the
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 2: writer saying anything mean. I just hear the writer saying, hey,
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 2: let's observe that this is tough like this is. This
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 2: is an interesting thing. You're in a relationship with a person,
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 2: you think you understand their identity. They come to you
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 2: just a little bit before your wedding and say, hey,
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 2: I'm fundamentally questioning something about myself, and this is me
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 2: trying to honorably give you the chance to think about
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 2: that before we say yes. Yeah, which is I think
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 2: that's the best available move. I think Joe was doing
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 2: the best thing at the time. That was very kind.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 2: But you know, it's also not terribly uncommon that I
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 2: think people migrate in their sexual or gender identity. You'll
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 2: hear people say I'm thinking I'm by You'll go okay,
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 2: and like they'll stand on that for a while, but
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 2: then eventually, as they experience themselves and they test out
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 2: this hypothesis, they'll conclude, I think I'm probably gay, you know,
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 2: I'm mostly gay, you know, or whatever, or the same
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 2: thing in this like my gender identity, I feel like
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 2: I am multi gendered, right or non gendered. And then
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 2: as time goes on, actually I think I identify as female.
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 2: That's my truth. And also I think that we have
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 2: to be careful not to describe gender identity as discovering
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 2: the one true truth and now we finally got it,
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 2: Like you hold up this relic and go, we did it, eureka.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 2: And it's a lot to just change.
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 4: I was just having this conversation with somebody the other
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 4: day about this. Okay, it's there aren't all these different
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 4: pieces of us, right. Our gender isn't this piece of
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 4: us that we have to figure out and get into
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 4: the puzzle. We are just who we are, right, and
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 4: we're just figuring that out. We're figuring out who we
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 4: already are, right. And so I mean part of this
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 4: and this is all you know, who we are changes
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 4: over time. So I mean, like who you are when
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 4: you're when you're ten years old is not who you
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 4: are when you're thirty years old. You know, you've had
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 4: twenty years to change and adapt, and some of those
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 4: changes are positive, some of those changes are negative.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 2: Sure, that's life. So Joe transforming into Joanna and now
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 2: identifying as female. I get that the people around you
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 2: are confused by it. And that's fair because I feel
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 2: like these are humans that love you, but they're also
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 2: stakeholders with you. And when you are changing something as
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 2: central as your identity, your stakeholder relationships are allowed to
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 2: be caught flat footed, to be sometimes unsure of like,
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 2: on one hand, I just want to support you and
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 2: love you. On the other hand, I think I'm supposed
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 2: to be a person in your life that you bounce
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 2: ideas off of and you talk through how you're feeling
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 2: and discover your truth. And we're assuming that the friends
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 2: aren't being jerks.
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 4: Sure this isn't like a bigoted stance or something like
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 4: that coming from a friend, right.
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 2: And that the wife Jay is probably being very kind
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 2: in all this. But it's also we're allowed to admit
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 2: this takes a toll on us. You know, if your
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 2: partner comes to you and says, hey, I've decided that
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 2: something central to who I am is changing, even if
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 2: that was something like that we think of more superficially,
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 2: like politics. I think I want to be a vegan now, right,
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 2: that could be huge. Yeah, Like if one partner decides
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 2: to be a.
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 1: Vegan, it's a big example. Yeah.
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we got together as Red Sox fans. And now
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 3: you're that's right, curious about the New York Yankees.
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 2: That's your Yankee curious. I mean that is something that
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 2: can be judged yeah. Yeah, that's a decision. Yeah, yeah, no,
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 2: that is that is that is a decision. But these identities,
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 2: these other things are benign. Yeah you're a Yankees fan,
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 2: get out. Yeah. Also, I'm going to sleep with your
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 2: brothers that you're just born with. Yeah you are. This
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 2: is a goddamn cholicree. That's a bad one and a
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 2: bad one. But yeah, no, I think that your stakeholder
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 2: relationships are allowed to be put off by some of
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 2: these things, especially when you're changing your appearance and over
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 2: that's important. Yeah, it could be protective, and sometimes that's
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 2: overly protected. That's fair. But you know, for Jay to say, hey, look,
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 2: I married a man named Joe who was internally flexing
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 2: his gender identity and was starting to experiment with some
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 2: new looks. And yeah, there was a certain amount of fluidity,
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 2: but I felt like I understood what that is. Now.
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 2: I'm not attracted to Joanna because I'm not a lesbian,
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 2: you know, I'm still a straight woman. And I was
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 2: attracted to you as a man, and I didn't mind
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 2: that you were a bit more drogynous. But now that
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: you're fully going toward, you know, being a female, I'm
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 2: not attracted to Joanna and that I can appreciate that.
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 2: For Jay, it puts her in a weird position where
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 2: it's like, but this is a marriage, we're family too, right,
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 2: And there's a little bit of a feeling of bait
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 2: and switch, even though Joe was very honest. I think
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 2: Joe did anything wrong, but I just feel for Jay.
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 2: I think that's really something has changed. Yeah, something has changed.
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 4: I mean a fundamental part of And people say like, oh, well,
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 4: you know, why is this a fundamental part?
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 2: Blah blah blah.
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 4: It's a fundamental part because people make it a fundamental part. Sure,
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 4: Like if you say it's fundamental, then it is.
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 2: You said it's uh so, I mean a fundamental thing
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 2: has changed. Things change around that, right.
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 4: It's sadly not uncommon when this when this happens. I've
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 4: known quite a few couples that this has happened with,
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 4: and I don't think you need you No one married couple.
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 4: I know one married couple that this happened with. None
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 4: of those couples survived. Okay, yeah, I can think of
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 4: four or five. They like died in plane crashes, that's right, Okay, Yeah,
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 4: that's right. It's very common.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 2: They all hang themselves in Jeffrey Epstein's self.
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 4: Oh wow, they were all suicidal. Oh wow, copycats all mutually.
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 4: So they were copycat suicide. It was like a death cult. Yeah,
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 4: so there was a lot of we can't wait to
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 4: kill ourselves. Jeffy Epstein is hiding behind the moon, and
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 4: it's going to take us to like.
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 2: They want to take our truth to the grave. Yeah,
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 2: I get it. Yeah, a lot of people do that.
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 4: But no, I I don't think any of those relationships survived.
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 4: And they all like they were they all either started
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 4: before one partner started going through that transition journey or
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 4: even in one or two cases kind of daring in
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 4: that in that stage that you were talking about earlier, Jim,
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 4: where it's like, oh I think I might be bisexual
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 4: or maybe a sexual or you know all these you know,
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 4: as you're finding yourself. Yeah, and sadly, because the person
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 4: is changing the person, the person is changing their outlook
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 4: on life, and because for.
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 2: Them it is a fundamental change. It is a fundamental change.
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 2: So Jay's not doing anything wrong by being affected by that. Yeahs.
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 4: And like this is work for for the person who
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 4: is doing this, they they are figuring out their lives
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 4: and doing all of this and a relationship is also work, right.
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it sounds like Jay also having been like
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 1: go recently, is that's is kind of potentially from from
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 1: the writer's perspective, like maybe maybe feeling a little bit
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 1: trapped or stuck.
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 2: Because if you're if you're self reliant, if you're independent
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 2: financially and you've got you know, a little bit more
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 2: to yourself, I think there's a little bit more freedom
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 2: to question your relationship and ask yourself, is this working
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 2: for me? But when you're like, this is the only
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 2: human in my life who would let me live with
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 2: them for free and eat all the food and stay
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 2: like we're a family, we're a marriage, like and I
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 2: don't have to feel any shame or guilt about that
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 2: because this is my partner. Yeah, that's hard, right, And
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 2: it's okay that I am, you know, But also I'm
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 2: not sure if I'm still in love with them.
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 1: I was thinking too, I was trying to like really
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 1: put myself in the writer's shoes and watching your friend.
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 1: You just said like you're kind of watching the light
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 1: like draw out of her or like someone who used
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 1: to light up the room as kind of looking maybe
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 1: more drained, more tired of all those things. And you
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 1: mentioned like health issues too. It could just be that
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: your friend is just just going through it. And that
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 1: doesn't mean, oh, her relationship is what has like sucked
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 1: the life out of her. Maybe her relationship is the
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 1: thing supporting right them right now, Like that's the person
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 1: who is housing them, sure feeding them while they're going
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 1: through getting getting fired, having health issues. If you live
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 1: in the US, if you have the health issues, your fucked.
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 2: But I know something that we didn't talk about, but
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 2: I do think it is an important part of this,
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 2: and I want to be careful because obviously Jay didn't
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 2: write this letter. I don't know how Jay feels. But
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 2: when I have seen this, and Jacob, maybe you've witnessed
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 2: this too, and some of the couples that you've seen,
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 2: the person in Jay's position can often go through a
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 2: pretty big confidence hit where they're sort of like, huh,
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 2: you know, I was the girl in our relationship and
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 2: you were the boy, and I thought you liked me
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 2: and thought I was pretty, and now you're trying to
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 2: be pretty and like you're kind of switching your interesting roles.
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 1: YEA, that changes.
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 2: It's hard, Yeah, like I felt like I was your girl,
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 2: and I was I had the feminine energy, and like
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 2: now you have the feminine energy, and like that when
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 2: you realize that Peter was prettier than you.
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 1: Oh, I've always known that.
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 2: He's those long eye lasts.
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you're my trophy husband. Nob, he does all
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 1: the work. It's pretty from like he is.
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 2: No. I think that that is an interesting absolially for
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 2: j to be in, you know, because I do think
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 2: that sometimes it hits your confidence and you lose your job.
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 2: It's like, what's my identity? Right?
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 4: It's confusing, right, it is. It is confusing, and it's
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 4: something that is I mean for everyone sure, it's something
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 4: that's kind of happening to them, sure, and for everyone
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 4: involved it's it's something that is happening to them from well,
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 4: in one person's case, from the inside, yes, and from
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 4: everybody else's case from from the outside.
• 1:16:44
  Speaker 2: I'm so glad you said that, because I think that
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 2: this is something we do not give enough attention to,
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 2: because we feel like, if you're partnered with somebody going
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 2: through this, it's about the person going through transition, and
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 2: your job is just be a chu leader, supportive, You're
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 2: a bad You're just a bad guy. Yeah, And I
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 2: don't like that because no, your partner and they're in you,
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 2: and how they identified themselves was part of your identity.
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 2: Right at UNLV, right now, I have some of my students,
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 2: we're talking about the psychology of identity, and we're talking
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 2: about in almost every theory of psychology, how rooted that
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 2: is in your human economy, Like where you exist in
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 2: your human ecology and your ecosystem of family and systems
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 2: is a big part of how you define yourself. Even
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 2: the joke about being a Yankees fan or some that
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 2: is part of a tribe. Like there's a region you
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 2: come from, there's a dialect, there's a religion, you know,
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 2: there's a political ideoology. Your relationships define you as a
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 2: person in relationship with them, and when your core relationship
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 2: suddenly changes, it throws you into a tail spin of
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 2: not knowing who you are anymore.
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 4: It's why it's so weird that Jim has been a
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 4: die hard fan of multiple professional football teams.
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just like, hey, yeah, yeah, I'm just going to
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 2: ask you to respect my identity. I'm in transition with
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 2: my sport. As soon as we figure out what it
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 2: is that's fine. Thank you for your support. And Florida
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 2: Jim became three iguanas in a trench code. I wrestle nalligator. Right.
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 2: Have any of you bitches ever done that? No? Okay,
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 2: I am now look at me.
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 1: I'm the picture of Jim.
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 2: I will send it to you. Yeah, I'm gonna put
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 2: it on the discord.
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 3: So, I mean, I think we're all on the same
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 3: page that no one in this situation is doing anything wrong. Yeah,
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 3: everybody's doing handling it the best they can. So as
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 3: far as the writer's perspective, what can you do right?
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 1: Support?
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 2: Support, I think you're just there. Yeah. I mean your
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 2: friend is Jason Therapy climb in the high.
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 3: Ladder, and I think the best you can do is
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 3: just help hold the ladder, yeah, and provide a little stability.
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. I just had this memory come back
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 1: of a friend of mine when her and her husband
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 1: were going through not the same thing, but you know,
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 1: things weren't going well and I had mentioned her. I'm like, hey,
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 1: this sounds very calous, but it was smoother than this.
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 1: I basically was like, Hey, if y'all get a divorce,
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 1: that's okay. I still love you like a very supportive statement.
• 1:18:56
  Speaker 1: Sure that does not go over well. It turns out
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 1: we were younger back then. Yeah and yeah yeah, so
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 1: uh fast forward and you know it's been years and she.
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 2: Was spoke to her.
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, no, she did tell me she goes. At
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 1: the time, I was really upset by that comment. She
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 1: didn't tell me at the time. That's okay, she's like
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 1: now looking back, I am. She did say like she's
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 1: glad or not glad, but you know, she's like, I understand,
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 1: and I like see what you're saying, and actually like
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 1: it probably was helpful town, yes, and it probably did
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 1: play a part in like when she left, like knowing
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 1: her friends were there. But when you are like in
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 1: the thick of it trying to trying to like maybe salvage,
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 1: like I didn't know where she was at, I was
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 1: just like, oh, this looks like kind of a ship
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 1: show right now. And so maybe speaking from my own mistakes, yeah,
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 1: definitely what I think Jim and Nick said earlier. Do
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 1: don't go that round? What not to do?
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the very first the first time I got.
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 3: Divorced, No, I was as I was talking to my mom.
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 3: This is afterwards, like right after we kind of announced
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 3: it or whatever, and I was like, oh, yeah, I
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 3: talked to Grandma and Grandma says she still loves you.
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 2: I hadn't questioned whether or not. Thanks for letting me
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 2: know that that was a thought.
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 1: She's not projecting.
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 2: That was on the table. Yeah, I didn't know. Y'all
• 1:20:17
  Speaker 2: had to discuss that.
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 3: No, Grandma just expects it.
• 1:20:22
  Speaker 1: I'm not coming to the next month.
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Grandma doesn't even send a blender to the wedding anymore.
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah she does. It's just the same blended. He's been
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 2: getting the same blender since like two thousand and two.
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 2: Ge oh my god. I love it anyway, writer, you know,
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 2: I love that you're there for your friend. I think
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 2: that you're supporting them through a very difficult, you know,
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 2: maze of a situation. I think we all agree with you.
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 2: Grandma not loving me, it was on the table. This
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 2: could happen. Take the posture wife doesn't love me, but
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 2: my grandfather Grandma be like, you know what, I'm following her.
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 4: You know, I lose my numbers her. I liked her, Okay,
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 4: Grandpa's like, she is my chosen family.
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 2: That's right. She's the one that mattered I never liked
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 2: you anyway, So.
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 4: You know, my blood family, I can't control that, but
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 4: I can control my goddamn frozen family.
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 2: I love Nick's point of just holding the latter. I
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 2: think that's all any of us can tell you to
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 2: do in this situation. You know, we have no judgment
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 2: toward Joanna. We have no judgment toward Jay, and Jay
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 2: may discover over time that her lifestyle and her reality
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 2: is no longer sustainable and no longer healthy for her.
• 1:21:33
  Speaker 2: That's going to be her unwinding the biggest decision she's
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 2: ever made in her life that needs to be done
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 2: very carefully in therapy, and even with if it's done
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 2: perfectly and like a person is completely justified they've really
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 2: thought it through, it will still be one of the
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 2: most painful things they've ever done to surgically detach, you know,
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 2: from from somebody that they love, and especially whenever they
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 2: don't hate their partner. It's not like, oh, yeah, Joanna
• 1:21:55
  Speaker 2: comes home drunk beats the shit out of Jay like
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 2: they're terrible. It's like, nope, Joanna is still a wonderful person,
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 2: but we're drifting apart because of all these changes that
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 2: I didn't sign we're different people than we were when
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 2: we met. That's it. We're just changing over time. So
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 2: you're doing your best. Writer. I'm really glad that Jay
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 2: has you as a friend, and you know, we'd all
• 1:22:12
  Speaker 2: be so fortunate to have people like you in our lives.
• 1:22:15
  Speaker 2: As we wrap up the show, Nope, that's not it.
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 2: We're going to take one last quick break and when
• 1:22:19
  Speaker 2: we come back, we are wrapping up the show. You
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 2: are listening to pod Therapy today.
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 3: This episode is brought to you by Robert Brownie Junior
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 3: Men's Kayla Lansbury, Kevin Ja, Ben Stanley, Adam Hathaway, Dan
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 3: Martin Live, Hey, Yo, Andrew Langmy Chad, Meg and Ikola Prince.
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 3: If you like, sponsor the show, but come out there
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 3: picture dot com slash.
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 4: The last question for all the marbles, You're each going
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 4: to have to place your bets, and the order of
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 4: betting will start with Whitney.
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 2: Ladies go first. So as I was flying Delta in Southwest,
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 2: they both have the same limit for a check on bag.
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 2: It's fifty pounds.
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 1: I was going to say fifty pounds I need that, okay.
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 2: So at both flights, I lifted my suitcase onto the
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 2: little scale and it was fifty one pounds. So the
• 1:23:06
  Speaker 2: way up to Florida I flew Delta, the way home
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 2: I flew southwest. Both times my bag was fifty one pounds.
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 2: What was the additional charge that the airlines asked me
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 2: to pay? Their different numbers? Or they were was one
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 2: of my options the same? Nope, they're different, Okay, here
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 2: you go. Is it a twenty five dollars?
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, both twenty five dollars at both? Is it B
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 2: Delta was fifty dollars? Southwest was seventy five dollars. Is
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 2: it C Delta was zero dollars? Southwest was one hundred dollars?
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 2: Or is it D Delta was sixty bucks? Southwest was
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 2: twenty bucks? So you got twenty five, twenty five, fifty,
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 2: seventy five, zero, one hundred or sixty twenty.
• 1:23:49
  Speaker 1: It's either B or D, which I know are very
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 1: different answers.
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 2: B Whitney takes fifty at Delta, seventy five at Southwest.
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 2: We're going to Jacob options are twenty five to twenty five,
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 2: zero hundred, sixty twenty. I mean, I'm pretty sure it's B.
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 2: Also jumping in with fifty seventy five. I guess I'll
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 2: take d to be interesting. Sixty dollars at Delta, twenty
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 2: dollars at Southwest, All right, what do you think there? Nick?
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 2: One pound over doesn't make sense. Zero dollars at Delta,
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 2: one hundred at Southwest.
• 1:24:22
  Speaker 3: Because they're not going to say it's fifty dollars or
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 3: the limit is fifty pounds, and then you're over, and
• 1:24:28
  Speaker 3: then they're like what the consequence?
• 1:24:30
  Speaker 1: Unless is this a true question where one of them
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 1: just let you do it, Like that's the only way
• 1:24:34
  Speaker 1: it'd be that I'll take I'll.
• 1:24:35
  Speaker 2: Take that one. I'll say, I'll say Delta waived it
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 2: zero to one hundred. Yeah, zero to one hundred is correct?
• 1:24:41
  Speaker 2: Is that what happened to Delta again? Amazing Airline was like,
• 1:24:45
  Speaker 2: oh you're over, and I was like, oh shit, what happens?
• 1:24:49
  Speaker 2: And he was like I don't care, I'm waiting.
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 1: I was like, that's so yeahs good. The questions, it's
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 1: like the only way that that c is right is
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 1: if they just didn't charge him.
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 2: I see right, But you guys were what is the
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 2: number that's meant to be? So Southwest? I was one
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 2: pound over on the scale and the lady goes, Yeah,
• 1:25:06
  Speaker 2: we're gonna have to charge you one hundred dollars. I
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 2: was like, another bag is thirty five dollars? What the fuck?
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 2: Like on top of the thirty five I'm already paid.
• 1:25:16
  Speaker 4: They make the fees on the on the bag averages
• 1:25:18
  Speaker 4: prohibiting insane because it has to do with the baggage
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 4: handlers unions. Oh okay, they don't want you to run
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 4: because the baggage handler's union. They used that as a
• 1:25:28
  Speaker 4: piece of leverage on the other side of the bargaining.
• 1:25:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well I am pro used. You gotta think four
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 2: dimensional chess here, baby.
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 3: So really, what we're saying is that Delta doesn't care
• 1:25:37
  Speaker 3: about its baggage.
• 1:25:38
  Speaker 1: That's wait, so please tell me you did not I
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 1: did not pay, So.
• 1:25:43
  Speaker 2: I was like, you didn't pay the Southwest I got
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 2: an argument, you didn't pay either way. Yeah, because Delta
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 2: waved it. They didn't care. So the correct answer zero
• 1:25:49
  Speaker 2: was yeah, that's the question was what was I asked
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 2: to pay? Right, it was a charge, and so Delta said,
• 1:25:54
  Speaker 2: you don't owe me anything, let it go. But Southwest
• 1:25:58
  Speaker 2: wanted one hundred fucking dollars and I got a fight
• 1:26:00
  Speaker 2: with this person. I'm like it would be literally thirty
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 2: five if I asked to check you another bag right now?
• 1:26:04
  Speaker 2: What the fuck like for one pound? She's like, it's
• 1:26:06
  Speaker 2: hundred bucks or you can take away weight from your suits.
• 1:26:09
  Speaker 1: You just go take it.
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 2: So I open it up, I grab like a sweater. Yep, sure,
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 2: put it in my backpack, zip it up, put it
• 1:26:15
  Speaker 2: back on the thing. Forty nine pounds. Yeah, And I
• 1:26:18
  Speaker 2: was like forty nine point eight, so we're good now.
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 2: She's like yep, and she just puts it on the
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 2: fucking conveyor belt. And I was like, this is the dumbest.
• 1:26:24
  Speaker 1: Fuck before you fail it belt.
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 3: Haven't you learned to stop carrying wet blankets?
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 2: And yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah my mom with
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 2: the fucking rocks.
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 4: When it's a when it's just like a pound over
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 4: like that, what I usually do is just pick it
• 1:26:39
  Speaker 4: up off the scale and then just gently said it.
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 1: When we go the airport, he'll stand here it is
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 1: and he kind of will hold it or mess with it,
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 1: and it's like almost recalibra.
• 1:26:48
  Speaker 4: If you if some Sami airports the scale is because
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 4: you know the scale is down by the by the
• 1:26:53
  Speaker 4: counter and everything is between the airport counters. Yeah, sometimes
• 1:26:56
  Speaker 4: the scale itself, the metal part of the scale will
• 1:27:00
  Speaker 4: hang over on the passenger side and you can just
• 1:27:03
  Speaker 4: prop your foot right under it.
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 2: Oh you can. You can just push it up with
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 2: your foot a.
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 4: Little bit negative eight pounds.
• 1:27:13
  Speaker 2: I'm just I'm just carrying balloons, helium balloon. Just I
• 1:27:16
  Speaker 2: like to travel with helium. Okay, Well, as we wrap
• 1:27:19
  Speaker 2: up the show, I want to remind you can sign
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 2: up at patreon dot com slash therapy. You can get
• 1:27:22
  Speaker 2: our extended trick.
• 1:27:24
  Speaker 4: As you do the outside baggage check because those those
• 1:27:28
  Speaker 4: they don't care, They do not care, and you're already
• 1:27:31
  Speaker 4: expected to tip them anyway.
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 2: That's what you get. A five pound bag.
• 1:27:35
  Speaker 4: You go out there with a twenty Yeah, you go like,
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 4: here's here's my overweight baggage fee right here.
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 1: Uh huh.
• 1:27:41
  Speaker 2: Oh, I didn't know you're supposed to tip them out there, really.
• 1:27:44
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, the outside guys, you tip them. That's why
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 2: I don't do the outside guys because I'm gonna take
• 1:27:47
  Speaker 2: twenty more steps to the inside and if there's no line,
• 1:27:49
  Speaker 2: I'm doing that. Oh I don't want.
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 1: To tap You never tip those.
• 1:27:53
  Speaker 2: Guys, No, that's their whole thing. They're the valet of
• 1:27:56
  Speaker 2: bags and that's why they're there. I'm gonna have to
• 1:27:59
  Speaker 2: drive over to the airport.
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, you know what's weird the airport yea, yeah, yeah.
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 2: I'll bet those guys talk about you too. I'll bet
• 1:28:07
  Speaker 2: they'll bet they're like that fucking guy you know he
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 2: made it joy. Yeah.
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah, here's an Iowa hat patron dot com throw five bucks.
• 1:28:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it is the regular tip the Lincoln.
• 1:28:22
  Speaker 2: Check it out. Patron dot com. Slash Therapy nine year
• 1:28:25
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• 1:28:27
  Speaker 1: And interviews that we've done.
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we've gone piled up there. You can see everything,
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 2: and like we said at the beginning of the show,
• 1:28:32
  Speaker 2: you can support us. And it's a very easy This
• 1:28:34
  Speaker 2: is a good episode to do it. Lots of fun storytelling.
• 1:28:37
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and Elmo made an appearance as well as
• 1:28:41
  Speaker 2: definitely not Mickey Mouse, please not sue us. Fucking Disney
• 1:28:44
  Speaker 2: who's new to the therap party. Yeah, Sesame Street ain't
• 1:28:49
  Speaker 2: got to lossuit money Street. Are they really Oh we're
• 1:28:54
  Speaker 2: fucking puppets are really fucked? Yeah, I know they are.
• 1:28:57
  Speaker 2: Ship Oh fuck, I didn't know that was all one commodity. Okay,
• 1:29:00
  Speaker 2: this is an ip Monopoly, Disney, Jesus Christ. You've also
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 2: got Star Wars like this is in Marvel. It's a lot. Hi, Hi,
• 1:29:07
  Speaker 2: you shut the fuck up business? Business? Are your fucking mouth?
• 1:29:16
  Speaker 2: Have you ever seen all the kids have this? You've
• 1:29:19
  Speaker 2: seen all the South Parks where Mickey's brothers. Yeah, Nick,
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  Speaker 2: who's new to the therap party at patreon dot com.
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  Speaker 2: That's all the time we got for this week's session.
• 1:30:54
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• 1:31:00
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• 1:31:02
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• 1:31:24
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  Speaker 3: to be taken to an onymous Google form. I'm neck,
• 1:31:30
  Speaker 3: thanks and we'll see you for appointment next week.
• 1:31:42
  Speaker 1: Why are you so good at that?
• 1:31:44
  Speaker 2: I know it's weird. He's surprisingly good at all though.
• 1:31:50
  Speaker 2: Goodbye everybody,