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One Leg Up with Emmy Award Winner Rhonda Britten Powered by Podmatch 1-28-25 · OneLegUpAlex Media

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Here's your host, Alex S.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Garren. All right, it's another edition of One Leg Up
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: with Alex Garrett partnering with pod Match and my next
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  Speaker 2: great connection through there is Ronda Britten. Ronda, thanks for
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: joining my podcast. And let me tell you about Ronda.
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  Speaker 2: She's starting over six hundred television shows, reality television shows,
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  Speaker 2: one an Emmy at that as well as a guest
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  Speaker 2: on celtless shows like Oprah, Steve Harvey Today, and now
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  Speaker 2: I get to have her as my guest. Thanks for
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  Speaker 2: joining me, Ronda, and your resume is so.
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  Speaker 1: Prolific. I want to have you on my show.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you, Alex. Well, I've been doing it for thirty years,
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  Speaker 3: so gosh, I'm so grateful that I've had so much
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  Speaker 3: goodness and so much opportunities to change people's lives.
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  Speaker 2: I think the main question is why have those like
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Steve Harvey, the Today's Show and Oprah turned to you?
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  Speaker 2: What do you bring to the table that all these
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  Speaker 2: outline that's all networks one and year from you four book?
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  Speaker 3: Well, a couple of things. One is I'm a published author,
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  Speaker 3: which always helps you know to be on the big shows.
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  Speaker 3: So you have a book, so you bring your book on.
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  Speaker 3: My number one book is Fearless Living. Then I've written
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: Fearless Loving Changed your life in thirty days? Do I
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  Speaker 3: look fatness? I'm reading my fifth book now, and I
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  Speaker 3: have also done over six hundred episodes of television, so
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  Speaker 3: they also know I'm going to be a great guest,
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  Speaker 3: and they they've seen me on TV so much, so
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  Speaker 3: I'm a known commodity. That's another thing that they're looking for.
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  Speaker 3: And the other thing they're looking for is a great story.
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  Speaker 3: And I have a great story. So my history, my background,
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  Speaker 3: my worst day of my life. So those combinations is
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  Speaker 3: how anybody, most people get on any big, big talk show,
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  Speaker 3: any big any big media is having some key factors,
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  Speaker 3: something that you have physically that explains who you are,
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  Speaker 3: and then of course a great story.
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  Speaker 2: Your story in what you write me is that adaptability
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  Speaker 2: is your middle name, So tell us.
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  Speaker 3: About adaptability is my middle name.
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  Speaker 1: We'll tell us why.
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  Speaker 2: What life changing experience have you been able to overcome
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  Speaker 2: and adapt to if.
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  Speaker 3: You will, Well, there's many experiences. But I think you're
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  Speaker 3: referring to the worst day of my life because I
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  Speaker 3: do believe the worst day of your life is where
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  Speaker 3: your seed of destiny is planted, and it may take you,
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  Speaker 3: you know, years or decades to fulfill, but there is
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  Speaker 3: a seed of destiny in your most horrific day. And
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  Speaker 3: my most horrific day started on a Father's Day when
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  Speaker 3: I was fourteen years old. I grew up in a little, tiny,
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  Speaker 3: tiny town in Upper Michigan, three hundred and sixty five
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  Speaker 3: inches of snow, to restaurants Big Boy and then the
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  Speaker 3: Douglas House, Bufe Hotel, which was the fancy one. And
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  Speaker 3: it was Father's Day and my father was coming to
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  Speaker 3: take us out to brunh My parents had recently separated,
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: so I hadn't seen my father for a while, and
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  Speaker 3: he's taken us to sud Brunch, I mean Sunday Bridge
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  Speaker 3: was just very fancy the Douglas House. So, you know,
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  Speaker 3: three kids to adults, we don't really go out to
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  Speaker 3: eat much. So it's my mom made me a new dress,
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  Speaker 3: let's put it that way. And so he comes over,
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  Speaker 3: knocks to the back door. Come on, come on, girls,
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  Speaker 3: because that's what guys and your dads do. And my
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  Speaker 3: mom and I are in her bedroom. She's fluffing up
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  Speaker 3: with behind haird putting on a blue eyeshadow, rose colored
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  Speaker 3: lipstick and my sisters are fighting it out in our
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  Speaker 3: one bathroom home. We have about eight hundred square feet,
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  Speaker 3: and my dad again come on, come on, because again
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  Speaker 3: that's what dads do, and me and my mom start
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  Speaker 3: walking out towards the back door. My sisters again still
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  Speaker 3: stuck in the bathroom, and as we start walking out,
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  Speaker 3: it starts sprinkling, and my father realizes he needs a
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  Speaker 3: coat from his car, so he goes. Uh. So he
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  Speaker 3: goes and grabs his key, and he has his keys,
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  Speaker 3: pull his keys out, goes to his trunk, and me
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  Speaker 3: and my mom are are walking out, and as he
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  Speaker 3: lifts his trunk the food of his trunk, I notice
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  Speaker 3: he's not grabbing a coat, but he is grabbing a gun.
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  Speaker 3: And he starts screaming, you made me do this, You
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  Speaker 3: made me do this, and he fires at my mother
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  Speaker 3: and I start screaming, what are you doing, dad, what
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  Speaker 3: are you doing? Stop? And he cocks the gun another
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  Speaker 3: time points the gun at me, and I believe that
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  Speaker 3: I'm next, so I freeze, stop breathing, stare at him.
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  Speaker 3: He stares at me, He blinks, I blink, and we
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  Speaker 3: just are in that frozen space for a minute, and
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  Speaker 3: my mother, with her last breath, screams out no, don't.
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  Speaker 3: And when my father realizes my mother is still alive,
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  Speaker 3: he takes that bullet intended for me and shoots her
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  Speaker 3: a second time, and that second bullet goes through her abdomen,
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  Speaker 3: out her back lands in the car horn. And for
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  Speaker 3: the next twenty minutes, all I hear is.
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  Speaker 1: This is just rough and.
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  Speaker 3: So that and then and then he cocks the gun again,
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  Speaker 3: puts the gun to his head and fire. So I
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  Speaker 3: am the sole witness to my father murdering my mother
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  Speaker 3: and committing suicide at the age of fourteen on Father's Day.
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  Speaker 3: So that event took me on a journey. Of course,
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  Speaker 3: I blamed myself. I don't know how other people would
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  Speaker 3: do it, but I blame myself because I was the
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  Speaker 3: only one physically there that could have stopped it. So
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  Speaker 3: I didn't jump in front of my mother, I didn't
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  Speaker 3: grab the gun, I didn't kick them in the shims.
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  Speaker 3: And so for the next you know, fifteen years, I
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  Speaker 3: dealt with alcoholism, got three DUIs, three suicide attempts, because
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  Speaker 3: I lived two lives, one on the outside that I'm fine, fine, fine,
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  Speaker 3: and one on the inside where you don't get to
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  Speaker 3: be happy if you don't save your mother, and you
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  Speaker 3: definitely have no confidence self esteem in yourself. But on
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  Speaker 3: the outside, I just pretended everything was fine. Just everything's fine. No,
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  Speaker 3: I'm okay. So that journey started me down a path
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  Speaker 3: that led me where I am today, but it took
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  Speaker 3: many years for me to get here.
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  Speaker 2: Well, I got to say, you are telling that harrowing
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  Speaker 2: stories so calmly.
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  Speaker 1: How are you able to do that?
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  Speaker 2: Because I can't imagine as you tell it, it's as
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  Speaker 2: common side of you as it sounds like it. I
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  Speaker 2: feel like you've got to have shivers down your spine
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  Speaker 2: every time you tell the story.
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  Speaker 3: Right, Well, I do, I do sometimes I still Sometimes
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  Speaker 3: I get teary eyed. Sometimes I you know, get a
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  Speaker 3: lump in my Throat other times I'm able just to
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  Speaker 3: say it from a place of calm and forgiveness and
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  Speaker 3: realizing how fortunate I am that I've been able to
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  Speaker 3: transcend that horrible day.
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  Speaker 2: Now you have siblings, talk about how you've had to
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  Speaker 2: help grow them up as well and get them news
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  Speaker 2: in trauma? Is that sort of where your life coaching
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  Speaker 2: s are getting your siblings through this?
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  Speaker 3: Oh gosh, No, me and my sister's handled it very differently.
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  Speaker 3: And no coach or therapist will ever will ever tell
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  Speaker 3: you they coach or therapies their siblings. No. I you know,
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  Speaker 3: my sister, my older sister, Cindy, was eighteen at the time,
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  Speaker 3: which was fortunate because then she was able to take
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  Speaker 3: care of us. I was fourteen, my younger sister was thirteen,
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  Speaker 3: and so from that day on, you know, we all
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  Speaker 3: we got a little bit of our security, and we
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  Speaker 3: all worked. You know, I worked for clothes, I worked
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  Speaker 3: for my car, I worked for everything. And so my
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  Speaker 3: sisters and I have all taken the event and done
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  Speaker 3: things different with it. My younger sister ignores it, pretends
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  Speaker 3: it didn't happen, just doesn't talk about it and doesn't
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  Speaker 3: want to talk about it. I have delve into it
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  Speaker 3: and moved through forgiveness and used it to heal my
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  Speaker 3: own life and opened my heart with compassion and empathy.
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  Speaker 3: And then my older sister is on her own journey
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  Speaker 3: and she has also she's also able to talk about it,
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  Speaker 3: and you know, we're able to talk about it together.
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  Speaker 3: So she's doing she's in her own place of transforming
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  Speaker 3: her own life in her own way.
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  Speaker 2: I want to talk about how you've been able to
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  Speaker 2: conquer here, because obviously there's a lot of PTSD with these.
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  Speaker 1: Moments. But first, your father.
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  Speaker 2: Was he that violent as you were growing up or
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  Speaker 2: was this totally out of the blue that he got
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  Speaker 2: it gone?
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  Speaker 1: And what was the family life like prior to this.
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  Speaker 3: Well, my father tried to strangle me when I was twelve,
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  Speaker 3: and he did take a knife to my mother's throat
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  Speaker 3: that I witnessed. But you know, I, me and my
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  Speaker 3: sisters have talked about this and we don't remember really anything,
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  Speaker 3: and I only know that my I know my father
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  Speaker 3: picked on me. I was kind of the one he
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  Speaker 3: you know, hated looked at, I mean hated. And I
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  Speaker 3: have a letter actually from my mother her when she
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  Speaker 3: wrote to our sister, older sister, and said, I don't
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  Speaker 3: know what to do because Ron hates ron To so much,
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  Speaker 3: and Ron is my father, so you know, he didn't
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  Speaker 3: want anything to do with me. So I was the
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  Speaker 3: one he picked on, and I was the one he
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  Speaker 3: gave dr he looks to. And I've been told by
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  Speaker 3: relatives that that he was violent with me, But you
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  Speaker 3: know what, I have no memory of it. I only
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  Speaker 3: have the memory of him strangling me and when I
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  Speaker 3: was twelve, So you know, I they say PTSD trauma
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  Speaker 3: lots of times you can't remember, you don't, you don't,
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  Speaker 3: You just block it out. So I remember many things,
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  Speaker 3: but I don't think I remember everything.
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  Speaker 2: You know, to beyond all these television shows and outlets,
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  Speaker 2: you have to have.
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  Speaker 1: Some sort of upbe personality. So how do you talk
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  Speaker 1: about all of this?
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  Speaker 2: And then I'm guessing the coaching is where you find
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  Speaker 2: your up personality. Yes, you can help others through these
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  Speaker 2: life altering horror shows.
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  Speaker 3: Well, well, you know, look at everybody has fear, and
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  Speaker 3: you don't have to go through a horrible experience to
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  Speaker 3: have fear. You know, there's physical fear and emotional fear.
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  Speaker 3: And emotional fear shows up as procrastination, as judgment, self judgment,
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  Speaker 3: negative self talk, shows up as overwhelmed anxiety. It shows
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  Speaker 3: up as comparing and contrasting. You know, it shows up
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  Speaker 3: in perfectionism, so people pleasing. So perfection is so fear
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  Speaker 3: you do not have to have just being alive. You
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  Speaker 3: have fear. It's part of our neurobiology. We're all born
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  Speaker 3: with something that I call the wheel of fear. But
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  Speaker 3: it's part of our neurobiology, so you don't have to
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  Speaker 3: have a horrible experience. In fact, I've had clients that
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  Speaker 3: felt guilty they didn't have a horrible experience, and they
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  Speaker 3: were afraid, And I said, oh, no, no, no, sweetheart,
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  Speaker 3: because everyone we literally we're wired for is how we
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: are physically made. It's part of our neurobiology. As I said,
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  Speaker 3: so you know now whether you grew up in a
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: happy home taking great care of or whether you were
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  Speaker 3: an abusive home, Whether you have alcoholic parents or whether
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  Speaker 3: you have parents who dote on you irrelevant. So it
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  Speaker 3: is fear as fear as fear as fear. So you
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  Speaker 3: know how I moved through my tragedy and how I
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  Speaker 3: quote unquote healed and moved through it. I know what
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  Speaker 3: life was like for me for twenty years, you know.
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  Speaker 3: I after my parents died, I found alcohol and became
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  Speaker 3: an alcoholic, and then I had three DUIs and I
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  Speaker 3: tried to kill myself three times. So I know what
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  Speaker 3: it's like to feel lost. I know what it's like
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  Speaker 3: to feel out of control. I know what it feels
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  Speaker 3: to be misunderstood. I know what it's like to live
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  Speaker 3: two lives, one on the outside where you're you know,
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  Speaker 3: I got a full ride to college and I was
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  Speaker 3: a straight A student at class president and such and such.
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  Speaker 3: That was the outside of me. But inside of me
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  Speaker 3: I had wasn't a to be happy, because you don't
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  Speaker 3: get to be happy when you watch your mom die
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  Speaker 3: and you don't do anything right and you know, and
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  Speaker 3: you don't get to have self confidence and you don't
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  Speaker 3: get to have self esteem. So I lived two lives,
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  Speaker 3: one on the inside and one on the outside. And
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  Speaker 3: in order to heal myself, I had to align those,
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  Speaker 3: I had to integrate those. I had to become one
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  Speaker 3: whole person right, one authentic being. And so I get
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  Speaker 3: joy every day because I know that fear does not
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  Speaker 3: have to be anyone's destiny. And you know, for me,
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  Speaker 3: I didn't even know I had fear because most of
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  Speaker 3: my life my parents didn't talk about fear. I didn't
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  Speaker 3: even think I was afraid after they died. So again
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  Speaker 3: that's many people are like me that they have no
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  Speaker 3: relationship to the word fear. But everybody has relationship to
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  Speaker 3: their fear responses, which I said before, like comparing overwhelm, perfectionism,
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  Speaker 3: people please, and et cetera. Those are fear responses and
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  Speaker 3: That's how you know you have fear, is that you
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  Speaker 3: do those responses to fear. And my job and my
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  Speaker 3: opportunity is to help you see how fear operates so
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  Speaker 3: that you can make a different choice.
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  Speaker 2: You know, I want to say, in a very different circumstance, obviously,
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  Speaker 2: but when Batman Sow his two parents get shot, I
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: mean he had that fear of basket, there was a
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  Speaker 2: whole thing, but he went and embraced the fear after that.
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  Speaker 2: How have you embraced the fear. It's gotta be beyond
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  Speaker 2: just coaching. You've embraced it in a lot of ways.
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  Speaker 3: I'm sure, well sure, it took me twenty years before
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  Speaker 3: I found my calling as a coach. Took me twenty
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  Speaker 3: years of workshops and therapies and books and everything else,
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  Speaker 3: and it really took you know, all of that, like
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: all of that was good and wonderful. And I've been
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: a self help drug. I read my first self help
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  Speaker 3: book when I was twelve, So you know, I have
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: been and I wanted to be a minister when I
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: was thirteen. So I have been a very devoted learner
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: ever since I was young. And so it's really my
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  Speaker 3: willingness to call myself out and have Eventually I had
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  Speaker 3: the humility to ask for help and no, I can't
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  Speaker 3: do it alone and even allow miracles to happen, because
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: I had miracles happened in my life that really gave
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: me the courage to do what I do today. Because
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: when people I had a client who I owned a
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: little pr agency years ago and before I did this,
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: and one of my clients was one of one of
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: the very first life coaches, and he would say to me, Oh,
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: You're gonna be better coach than me, and I'd say,
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  Speaker 3: I can't. No, nobody's gona listen to me, because don't
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: you remember the DUIs the three suicide attempts and alcoholism
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: at all? You know I can't do that. I really
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: thought my past took away options for me. I really
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: believed that I couldn't transcend my past. So it was
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: only after a series of miracles, a series of things
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  Speaker 3: that happened in my life that gave me the courage
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  Speaker 3: and the fortitude to step out and say, well, maybe
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: I am here and not only change my own life,
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: but maybe to help others as well.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: Your suicide attempts and this is not an easy conversation
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: but I guess I would say surviving each one did
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: that sort of say, all right, I'm meant to be
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: here for a reason, Like did those attempts and then
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: surviving them make you feel like, Okay, I'm meant to
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: be here do something?
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: Well, it was it was the third suicide attempt, you know,
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: the third suicide attempt when I realized something. I realize,
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: I'm not very good at killing myself and there has
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: to be another way. And by the way, when you
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: try to kill yourself three times, I do put you
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: in a psychiatric board for valuation. So I was in
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: a psychiatric board for I think two or three days,
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: and then they deemed me not crazy. And when I
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: went to my little tiny studio apartment by myself, which
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: is not a good idea after you're let go of
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: a you knows, But I remember so vividly leaning against
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: the wall of my little studio and you know, kind
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: of you know, scraping down the wall and ended up
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: on my butt on the floor and realizing I have
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: to start over. I have to start all over. How
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: do you start over? And I thought of kindergarten, and
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: what are they doing in kindergarten? Well, they get a
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: calendar in gold stars. So I got a calendar. I
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: literally went to the store. I got a calendar gold
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: stars that day, and for thirty days. The next thirty days,
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: I kept track of anything that I did positive, anything
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: that I did worthwhile, anything that would give me hope.
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: I needed to have hope because dying wasn't seemed to
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: be not a good, not an option. It was not working.
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: So I had to figure out how to live in
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: this world. And after thirty days, my calendar was filled
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: with gold stars. And you know, and I'm not talking
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: about you know, amazing things here. I'm talking about getting
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: drunk and not breaking any thing or you know, saying
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: no when uh, you know when I wanted to say,
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: you know, say no in a force in a forceful way. Enough, right,
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: so you know we're not talking brain surgery. We're just
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: talking little tiny things for thirty days. But at the
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: end of thirty days, like I said, I had a
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: calendar with gold stars, and that was the thing that
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: gave me hope. And that hope woke me up to
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: you know, doing something I have. I must, I must
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: decide to change my life. And not far after that
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: and maybe maybe a year or two after that is
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: when I got sober. And and after I got sober,
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: that was another step on in my journey. And then
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: I went to a spiritual practitioner training, a four year program,
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: and that was part of my stepping in. So there's
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: lots of little moments I made. But I never ever, ever, ever,
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: ever thought I would be coaching others or sharing anything
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: with others. I didn't think I had that right. I
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: was just on my own journey. And then, like I said,
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: a miracle happened and here I am.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: One thousand percent. This is a This is fascinating how
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: you've been able to, you know, jo bounce back. I
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: got to ask about relationships though, because obviously did relationships
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: in those twenty years formulate?
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: Did they stick it all? Or was there trauma going
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: into relationships? Tell me about that part.
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, you know when you your father kill your mother?
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: Uh, you know, and was that the relationship that you
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: witness growing up? I mean that sort of laid it well?
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, yeah, absolutely, my mother was. I mean I think
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: of it now now that I know what I know.
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: You know, as a little girl, I didn't know these things,
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: But now that I know what I know, my mother
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: and father were in a very quote unquote typical domestic
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: violence situation. You know, he tried to isolate her, he
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: didn't want her to you know, tried to control her life.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: So a lot of things that are more known today
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: because we have social media, because people go to therapy. Now.
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: Back then, people didn't go to therapy. There was no
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: there was no one to talk to about any of
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: these things. And so just like today still today, even
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: though we have those tools, even though we have places
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: to get educated. You know, my mother blamed herself. And
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: my mother tried to leave before and her father said,
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: no one gets divorced in this house. So she went
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: back to my dad and then her father died. And
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: after her father died is when she finally left him.
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: So so yeah, so you know, in my to do
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: what I do today now that you're asking me these questions,
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: you know, my mother died when she's stepping out into
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: her own carelessness. You know, she was stepping out and
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: breaking away. So breaking away equal death to me. Relationships
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: equal death to me. So I had many many relationships
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: I had, uh you know what, I had long term ones,
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: two years, three years, four years, I was married, I
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: was married for nine years, and but the day I
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: got engaged, you know, the very thing I said I wanted.
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: The next day, I was in the hospital for two
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: weeks and they never figured out what was wrong with
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: me because I know my body was shedding. You're going
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: to die because you just got engaged. You are going
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: to die. So so yeah, so my relationships are the
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: place that I heal the most, work on the most.
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: You have to wake up the most because of that
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: generational trauma that was handed down to me.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: All right, so how does all of this transcend you
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: to become some of that over five hundred five hundred
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: fairlyan SLFE fotus. I mean you've made an impact on
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: more than five hundred people alone. I'm sure it's a
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: lot more now, So how are you able to turn
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: all this and then create and mentor others that want
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: to change people's lives as well?
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah? I've been fortunate. You know. My TV show Starting
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: Over was aired three million people a day watched it,
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: and then my show helped me. Rondo was in the
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: United Kingdom and all through Europe and Israel and Australia,
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: and Celebrity Fit Club was aired to a million plus
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: people as well. So I've had a good fortune to
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: influence touch millions and millions of people. And so I
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: got here by a miracle. And I've mentioned the miracle
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: a few times because it's kind of a crazy thing
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: and it's a little woo woo. So the wo woo
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: is the miracle. So I'm sitting with my PR client
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: that I was telling you about, who used to tell
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: me I'm going to be a great coach, and I'd
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: look at him and say he was crazy. And one
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: day we're working in his office and I'm sitting on
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: the couch and he's standing at the board. He has
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: a whole wall of whiteboards with brainstorm all day long
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: on those whiteboards. And while he's chatting away, here comes
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: the wool part. The sky opens up, the ceiling opens up,
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: a cloud comes out, a book is on it. The
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: book goes right with pages turning, and it goes through
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: all the pages, shuts and goes back into the ceiling.
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: And I was like, what the heck did happen? Just happened?
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: And I looked behind me because I knew that couldn't
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: be for me. What the messages I got, it can't
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: be for me. I turned around, nobody's there. I look
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: at Paul, who's my client. He's still talking away, so
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: he didn't hear it. And so I thank god. I
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: was in the Spiritual Practitioner program training at the time,
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: and the next day I had an appointment with my minister.
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: So I was very high to go to the next
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: day and go. This just happened to me because not
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: only did I get the answers to every question I've
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: ever asked, I knew everything that I ever wanted to know.
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: But I was also told, now you must go and
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: share this. Now you must go teach this. And I
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: looked at my minister and I said, I can't do that.
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: I have three classes left to my bachelor's because I
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: left college in the last semester, of course, to sabotage myself, right,
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: And so I have to get my three my classes,
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: and then I have to go get a master's. Then
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: I have to go to a PhD. And then I'll
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: write a book. So like seven to ten years from
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: and she just kept saying to me, you got the call,
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: You're ready, and I go, no, no, I'm not ready.
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: Don't you remember the alcoholism, the suicide of terms, the DUIs,
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I have to go
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: finish my bachelor's, get a master's, get a PhD. Then
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: I'll write a book and then I'll be ready. And
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: she just kept saying to me, you are ready. And
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: it took me about six months to step into it.
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: And the reason I stepped into it is because I
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: had a a friend of mine who I was trying
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: to enroll in Paul's class with Paul's teaching classes, and
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: I would say, Hey, you need to come and take
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: Paul's class and she goes, well, why don't you coach me?
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: And I was like what, let me look you what
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: And She's like, yeah, I want you to coach me.
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, what are you talking about? And so
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: she was my first quote unquote client, and every time
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: I had a session, I would run back to Paul
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: and say, she said this, I said this, she said this,
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: I said this, What do I do? And he mentored
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: me for the next you know, six to eight months,
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: and then I finally realized that I knew what to do.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: So then I started after about that time, within a week,
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: I had twenty clients and from there I taught classes.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: From there, I start speaking speaking. Then I wrote my
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: first book, and then I got my TV show Boops.
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: Then I got my first TV show and on it went.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: So yeah, let's let's let's have a little phune with
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: this now. So you've trained and coach a lot of
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: people the craziest fear that you've had to help someone
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: get through, like maybe almost an illogical fear, you know,
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: like one that's all out there.
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: If you will, Well, there's different things. So I've created
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: something called the wheel of fear and will of freedom,
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: and that is the mapping of fear. So I've mapped fear,
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: and everybody has a unique wheel of fear. So what
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: I do is I help you understand what I call
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: your core fear. And I'm not talking about the core
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: fear of snakes or the core fear of jumping out
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: of a plane. I'm talking about the core emotional fear
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: that holds you back, that is invisible and unconscious. And
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: once we map that, once we chart it on what
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: I call the wheel of fear, you can start seeing
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: how your response to life and how you interact with
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: life is a function in the areas it is a
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: function of fear. And then I also map your wheel
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: of freedom. So you get a map of your will
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: of freedom, you get a map of your wheel of fear,
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: and then I show you how to work it. So
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: it doesn't matter to me what you come with. It
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: doesn't matter, it's irrelevant. Right. You can come to me
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: with a fear of relationships, you can come with a
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: fear of getting sick, you can come with a fear
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: of doesn't matter, because what we're going to do is
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: get underneath the conscious fear that you think you have.
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: The conscious fear is just a function of your unconscious fear.
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: And so, like I said, I created a process, a
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: mental model, a map of how you operate with that,
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: and then of course giving you the solution on the
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: wheel of freedom.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: Well, now, how can an embody find a copy of
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: this wheel of freedom?
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: Is it? If people want to access or then.
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: Sure you can, Sure you can go, Sure you can
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: go to There's three ways to get your wheel. One
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: is my book Fearless Living. Go get it and it's
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: chapters two and three, and it'll I take you through
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: the whole process the chapters two and three. So that's
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: one way if you want to do it as a
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: I do it yourself. Then do it that way, and
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: you maybe ask a friend to do it with you
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: so that you guys can support each other. The next
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: way to do it is I have a course called
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: Fearless Living Transformation Program and I teach it live. I'm
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: actually teaching it live coming up soon, so I teach
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: it live every few months. And then there's also an
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: online course if you want if you want to work
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: a self paced course, and that I take you in
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: more detail because it's obviously video audio. And then of
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: course if you're live with me, I'm there to answer questions,
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: So that's the other way to do it. And then
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: the third way to do it is privately with a
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: private certified fears Living coach. So you can get a
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: coach and they will take you to the whole process.
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: So depending on how you like to work. Do you
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: like to work self pace, do you like you know,
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: do you like videos, audios, et cetera. Do you like
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: to be live with me, you want to work when
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: on with a coach, or you want to read a
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: book in the comfort of your home and do it
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: that way. But there's lots of ways to get your
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: wheels mapped, and it's up to you on which way
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: works for you.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: How do you I guess you would say, distinct yourself
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: as not just a TV life coach, but an all
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: around life coach. Like it's not just what you hear
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: on the TV. I bring this to you in real
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: life as well. Do you find that you have to
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: make that bridge if you like.
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: I'm not just TV No, no, no no, because I've
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: been doing I'm one of the very first life coaches.
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: I've been doing this over thirty years, since nineteen ninety five,
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: I've been changing lives, So you know, and I and
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: I and enough people you know, hopefully everybody listening right
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: now to us will be curious enough to go and
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: want to decode their fear and want to chart their
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: fear out, want to map their fear. So uh no,
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: I don't. If you hear me speak, if you watch
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: a video of mine, if you read anything of mine,
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: you know that I'm not a TV code because I
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: don't just play a coach on TV. I have to
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: actually change their life.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: And that's my next question. How many lives use would
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: you say you changed? During the Oprey era and the
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: Steve Harveyard did they have you actually talk on set?
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: With you know, people that need their life fixed up.
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: And no, no, they were both interviewed. They were both
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: interview shows. So they interviewed me just like you're interviewing
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: me when I did my TV shows. That was the
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: whole point. So it helped me run the TV show
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: in Europe and Israel and Australia, et cetera. That is,
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: I changed lives, changed a person's life in every episode
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: of that TV show. And then on starting Over, I
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: six women lived in a house and I worked with
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: the women in that house. And then when one woman
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: would graduate, so to speak, get her goal, she would graduate,
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: and now when we would come in and I did
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: that for three seasons. It was at noon on NBC
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: and we had three million people, like I said, a day,
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: and that's where that's where I received Miammi and then
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: Celebrity Fit Club. Same thing. I worked with Celebrity. I
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: worked with Kevin fetterline, et cetera, and change their lives.
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: So and then plus I've worked, I've taught and spoken,
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: you know, hundreds and hundreds of times.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: The goodness, I'm glad you mentioned the males because obviously
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: we're very stubborn breed and we.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: Don't like the life help.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: But how many men have you really coached through their difficulties?
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: And when you see a guy open about his experience,
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: is that rewarding? Like, yes, I finally cracked you know,
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: the shell if.
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: You will, Every single human being that raised their hand
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: and says, yes, I want to chart my fear because
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: I no longer wanted to own me, opened my heart
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: and just gives me the greatest joy. I don't care
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: if it's a man a woman doesn't matter to me,
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: because a soul is a soul is a soul. I
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: would say that my it's interesting. My audience is probably
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: twenty percent men and eighty percent women. But it was
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: really interesting because when I wrote Fearless Loving, my book
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: Fearless Loving, when I did my book tour, I would
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: say half the audience was men, and some came alone, right,
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: some came alone. They didn't come with their spouse, so
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: their partner, they were alone. So it depends. I've spoken
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: to many eight figure masterminds, mostly with men in their
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: thirties and forties, you know, making nine figures, eight figure,
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: seven figures. I've spoken to many, many, many, many, many
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: groups with a lot of men in it. So yeah,
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: working with the man and working with a woman. I
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: think men trust me because I'm no hol's bar and
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: I'm a truth teller, so they know I'm not going
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: to get all fancy on them and be all delicate, right,
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: And I love working with men and I love working
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: with women. Look, I love working with anyone who raises
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: their hand and says yes. And for me, most of
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: my clients are over the age of forty because they
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: hit their fortieth birthday and they realize fully crap and
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: or they're you know, they want to switch jobs, or
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: they're getting divorced, or they want to get married. Right,
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: they have something in their life that they want and
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: they haven't been able to obtain. And that's when they
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: come to me. There are that a crossroads. Which way
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: are you going to go? I fear less way, the
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: fearful way.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: Your choice are pupil's backs against the wall very oftentimes
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: mentally meaning there's not actually a real thing. They just
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: are afraid their backs are.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: Against the wall.
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: Well, I would say that's true for most of the
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: things that we feel. Right, most of our feelings are
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: based on our mindset, based on what we believe about
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: the world, and that's where the wheel of fear and
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: will freedom come in because when your back's against the
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: wall and you can filter that experience through. Wait a minute,
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: am I my wheel fear? Right now? Am I will freedom? Okay?
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: My backs against the wall. I'm feeling this way? Great?
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: Am I wheel of fear? I would normally operate this way.
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: Wait a minute. If I get on my wheel of freedom,
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: I will operate this way. Okay, got it. I want
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: to be on my wial freedom so then you can
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: find some space and find some relief quicker, you know.
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: I think that's the great thing. I talk about frequency, length,
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: and intensity. The frequency in which you get triggered lessons,
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: the length at length that lasts decreases, and the intensity
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: you experience it is minimized. So as you move through
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: and understand your fear, all those things that you think
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: you do that you'd like to change, you will change them.
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: Well, one thing that I say that you and I
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: can hit a common ground on is curing procrastination for good.
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh, that that's something I'd like to do.
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: So when MO will visit your website Fearlessliving dot org,
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: there's a cure there tell us about that.
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's Stretch Risk or Die d E Stretch Risk
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: or Die, and it's it's many of my students' favorite
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: favorite exercise and so I want to gift it to
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: your listeners. Fearless Living dot org Forward slash Risk r
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: I s K, Fearless Living dot Org Forward Slash Risk RK.
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: Go there, put your name in your email and then
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: you'll get act sss to the core stretchersk Die and
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: that you're going to take a dream, a goal, something
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: you want to make happen, whatever it is, and I'm
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: going to show you how to plot it in the
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: stretchersk Die model and you are going to see how
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: your fear shows up. And I give you worksheets and
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: you know, workbook so that there's examples for every single
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: whether it's health, whether it's relationships, where it's money with
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: its business, so there's examples for you to use so
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: you're not on your own. And at the end, so
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: there's three to fifteen minute video is very short and
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: at the end of.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: The fifteenth the fifteen minute videos, that's a great attention span,
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: you know, Yeah.
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: Three fifteen minute videos. Three fifteen minute videos, right, and
• 34:45
  Speaker 3: you can listen to it. You don't even have to
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: watch the videos. Listen to it, or you can read it.
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: There's a transcript, there's an audio, and there's a video
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: because I believe in maximizing learning. And at the end
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: of the third video, I actually describe the wheel of fear.
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: So you're actually going to see describe the wheel of fear,
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: so you'll know it more intimately. And I'm teaching it
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: in front of a group, so you're also going to
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: hear the questions they ask me. Which will be which
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: will be supportive?
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, very very interesting.
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: All right, a couple more things I feel like have
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: America I'm really a little more is celebrating Inauguration Day
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: this week, and there's a real fear in another part
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: of America.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: Right, It's sort of like a split here.
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: So have people been coming to you more since the
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: election and now with the inauguration?
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: Are people afraid more? Are you seeing that or what
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: are you seeing?
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: Oh? One percent? But the difference is is that people
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: know they're afraid now. You know, usually we don't know
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: we're afraid, right, we don't. We don't have even any
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: awareness that we're afraid. We think we're uh, we just
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: have to fix ourselves. We just have flaws. We just procrastinate.
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: Got to stop procrastinating. We beat ourselves up. I just got
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: to stop beating myself up. You know, people pleasing I
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: just got to start saying no better. I've got to
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: coem bet our boundaries. Right, so we know what we
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: do that we want to change, and we don't equate
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: that to fear. And that's where I come in. I
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: show you how it stems from fear. That these symptoms procrastination, perfectionism,
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: et cetera are just symptoms of fear. So right now,
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: because of our diverse political environment, at this moment, people
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: are aware that they're afraid, and sadly, one half knows
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: they're afraid. The other half is ignorant and doesn't know
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: they should be afraid. I eed, they you know they are,
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: which is great. They all selibratory mood, but they also
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: have fears. Right, so there's no getting away. Like I said,
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: this is part of our neuropology. There's no getting away
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: from it. So so yes, I believe that I hope
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: that more people will take availed of my services because
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: now more than ever, as I'm saying, and now more
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: than ever. We have to be fearless no matter what
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: side you're on.
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: I gotta say that you're obviously extrovert and you're out
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: there in the media. Did the trauma make you more extrovert,
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: like you wanted to talk more? Or was it the
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: miracle like was there a mix of both.
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: I would say the only reason I'm doing what I'm
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: doing today is because of that miracle, because I needed
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: God to say to me do it, because I personally
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: didn't have faith in myself. But I've gotten here eventually probably,
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: I mean I should say that I probably would have
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: gotten here eventually, but having that miracle moment. But this
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: is the deal. Also, alex Is, people have had these
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: miracle moments. They just don't know it. They may not
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: get a ceiling and a cloud in a book, but
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: most people, not all, but most people have had a
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: moment in their life that they've had such clarity that
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: they knew they know what they're supposed to do. They
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: know it. I know I meant to blank blank blank.
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: They've had that moment of clarity. And some people have
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: followed that moment of clarity, and some people have hidden
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: from that moment of clarity because they just look again,
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: I can't do that, I can't move now, I can't
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: abc now. No, it doesn't understand, and you shove it down.
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: But shoving those dreams down, shoving your purpose down, ignoring
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: your purpose, will come up. We all know it's going
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: to come back up. So I would say most people
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: have had a moment of clarity that they already know
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: what they're meant to do, and now they just need
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: the courage to do it. And that's where I come in,
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: because I'm going to map your fear so you don't
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: get stopped by it again, so that you can live
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: on your will of freedom and do what you're destined
• 38:39
  Speaker 3: to do.
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: I get the feeling because of your bilin all that
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: you do it with a touch of humor.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: You say you're funny. Tell me about the humor aside,
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: because obviously.
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: These are not funny. This is not a funny topic.
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: But we're dealing with But how do I have humor
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: to all of this?
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: Well, you got to learn. You gotta laugh at your right.
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: You had to laugh at the ridiculousness of fear. Once
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: you understand how fear works, you can laugh at it.
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: And you know, I also had a background when I
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: moved to Los Angeles. I moved to Los Angeles when
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: I was twenty four, and I moved here to be
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: an actress, and so I did stand up comedy, I
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: did improv. I you know, I did comedies, et cetera.
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: So that's just part of my personality. And you know,
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: it's so funny because I remember I was waitressing. I
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: was I don't know, twenty nine, thirty years I think
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: I was thirty years old and I was waitressing, going
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: to auditions, and people at the waitress place, the cocktail
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: bar I worked, said, oh, Ron, you're so funny. And
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: I literally did not think I was funny. I literally
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: would fight with them, No I'm not funny. They'd be like,
• 39:41
  Speaker 3: you are funny, and I'm like, no, I'm not. And
• 39:44
  Speaker 3: it was only after I realized I did stand up
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: comedy did I realize that I'm not funny when I
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: have a script. I'm only funny when I'm being myself, so,
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: you know, and I think that's true for everybody. Everybody
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: is more more funny when lighthearted. When they're lighthearted, it's
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: because they're in their real freedom so that they can
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: relax and just allow and trust what comes out of
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: their mouth to be what needs to come out of
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: their mouth rather than scripting everything all the time.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: And so.
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: Your extrovert in nature helps bring that out of people,
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: I presume.
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's the whole point is that.
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: I'm actually an introvert.
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: See, I would know that because you have a story,
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: you're willing to share it.
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, But that that took time. That took time.
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: It took a dare from a friend for me to
• 40:33
  Speaker 3: start sharing my story. I never shared it at the
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: beginning because I thought, who wants to hear this stupid story?
• 40:38
  Speaker 3: And I had a friend who was a speaking coach
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: and she goes, you got to share your story. I'm like, no,
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: nobody wants to hear that stupid story, because that's really
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: what I thought of it.
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: And now I'm sure that you share it.
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: You're like, wow, others have really given me feedback. They
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: need to hear the story.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: Am I right?
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: It's shocking. It was shocking to me when I told
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: it the first time that I line around the door
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: around the building. I could not believe that my story
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: opened up people's heart and made them realize they too
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: can change.
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: I want to ask you about the dark Knight of
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: the soul because I often find that once the Christmas,
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: you know, people deal with depression and whatnot during the holidays.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: But then, yeah, it gets worse.
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: They take down the lights around town and it's dark
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: and it's cold. Really a lot more dark nights between
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: January and February.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: But how do you get.
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: Even yourself through a dark knight and how do you
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: encourage others to get through that dark knight?
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: Well, yeah, but the dark Night of the soul is
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: a spiritual crisis, and so you are complete with an identity,
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: You're complete with where who you've been and where you are.
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: You don't know it, though, and so it comes on
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: rather suddenly. It is different than depression, even though it
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: can overlap with depression, and some people could be diagnosed
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: with depression. But the dark knight, you know, you can
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: still get up and go to work, right, you can
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: still you can still sleep right. So it's not that
• 42:09
  Speaker 3: worrying or fretting. It's more of a spiritual crisis. Why
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: am I here? What do I believe in? It feels
• 42:16
  Speaker 3: like everything that felt real for you doesn't feel real anymore,
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: and that is the dark night of the soul. So
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: most people will go through that at some time in
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: their life, and many people go through more than once.
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: And too many people so actually, my fifth book I'm
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: writing right now is my Dark Knight of the Soul book.
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: And too many people think they're lazy or something's wrong
• 42:39
  Speaker 3: with them when they go through this identity crisis, this
• 42:42
  Speaker 3: crisis of faith, this crisis of who am I and
• 42:45
  Speaker 3: what do I believe? And I remember when I was
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: going through my dark night last time, I remember thinking
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: of you know, a woman or a man's got three kids,
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: working full time and they're going through a dark night.
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: That's rough because you need a lot of space to
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: move through your dark knight. And that's one of the
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: reasons I'm writing a book on it is to help
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: people realize they're not crazy, they're not stupid, they're not lazy,
• 43:08
  Speaker 3: They're just going through a dark night. And here's the
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: signs on how to support you to move through it
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: in a way that is loving, compassionate, and kind, because
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: that's what you need when you're going through a dark
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: knight is compassion, tenderness, kind and a lot of self care.
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: Well, it sounds like you're teaching people how to be
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: independent of validation, of independent of a lot of things,
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: and just be yourself and also self reliance, I guess
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: is the point I'm trying to find here.
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: Well, sovereignty. You have sovereignty over yourself. You know you
• 43:41
  Speaker 3: have agency over yourself.
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: The million dollar question here, RNDA is what's your biggest
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: fear right now as we talk?
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: And what fear? What do you wake up in the
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: morning conquering?
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: If you will?
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: Well, you know my wheel of fear, my core fear
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: all is afraid that you think or see me or
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: believe I'm a loser. And that is what I call
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: my core fear. And that is on patrol on a
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: daily basis anytime I want to take a stretch, risk
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: or die, which is the course that I'm offering to
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: your listeners. Once you understand that course and once you
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: understand fear, you're able to navigate it. So so sure,
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: I'm like a regular human being. I have things come
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: up for me on a regular basis. You know, I
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: might think I'm aging, right, I'm getting older. We just
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: had the La fires. You know, I live in La
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: Do I live here? Do I stay here? Do I
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: not stay here?
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: Is your home? Affected chance or no, right, thank god,
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: it I'm not.
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: I'm actually not in the exact fire zone. I was impacted.
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: The fires were coming over the ridge and so they
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: were two miles one way and a mile when we
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: had the sunset fire pop up, that was only a
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: mile from my house. So I was packed and ready
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: to evacuate. And so I didn't have lights for four
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: days and electricity for four days. So was I in
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: the immediate zone. No. I was on the edge enough
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: where I couldn't, you know, Like I had to be
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: alert the whole time, and that takes a toll on
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: your nervous system. So that experience, and it's still going on.
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: By the way, I'm still in the red flag zone,
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: which means I'm still on red flag warning, which means
• 45:25
  Speaker 3: there's still possibility because we still have Santa Anna Winn.
• 45:28
  Speaker 3: So we're not out of the We're not out of
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: it yet. We're not out of it yet.
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: I love seeing the reviews of how you are called
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: to fearless character of my other pod match interviewers.
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: That is so cool.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: But when someone calls you inspirational or a hero, you
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: know a hero or you know a wonder woman, what
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: does that make you feel like.
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: I take that when whenever I get a compliment or
• 45:51
  Speaker 3: somebody says something lovely about me, I know that what
• 45:54
  Speaker 3: they're thanking me for is my willingness to be a
• 46:00
  Speaker 3: channel and let myself be used so I can be
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: present with another human being as they're going through a
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: decision or a change or whatever is it present for them.
• 46:15
  Speaker 3: You know, I'm fully present with So I think that's
• 46:18
  Speaker 3: what they're thanking me for.
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: And do you feel that courageous? Do you feel that.
• 46:27
  Speaker 3: At some moments I feel courage Here are some well
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: I don't know about hero like, but sometimes I feel courageous.
• 46:32
  Speaker 3: But those notes mean a lot to me because you know,
• 46:34
  Speaker 3: I you know, I'm human, So I have doubts like,
• 46:37
  Speaker 3: oh am I any good at this? Do I? You know?
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: Sometimes we have all like when I went through my
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: dark knight. The whole point of a dark knight is
• 46:43
  Speaker 3: you also have a confidence crisis of confidence, So you know,
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: am I any good at this? I don't know? Maybe
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: I should quit, Maybe it's my time's over. So you know,
• 46:53
  Speaker 3: when I receive an email or a note, or somebody
• 46:56
  Speaker 3: sees me on the street and recognizes me, I take
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: those too heart, and I filled up my well. I
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: fill up my my well so that I can keep
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: moving forward.
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: You know, I feel like in the same you know,
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: you didn't shrivel up after witnessing that horror of your
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: parents' doublest you know, murder, suicide, I should say, And
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: I feel like the only adaptability side.
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: I try and highlight those comebacks.
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: Because there are a lot of people that have lost hope,
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: especially after the pandemic, and we need to keep that
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: hope alive for people.
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: And you're doing that by telling your story. That's true.
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, Well, it's so great to have met you,
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: and I want to have you back on, especially after
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: I do my wheel.
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: I want to analyze that with all my podcasts. If
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: you don't mind, that would be pretty cool.
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: That'd be fun, be fun.
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: So we'll do that. But real quick before I let
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: you go.
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: The the idea of pod match and these connections that
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: are made. How has podmatch helped you out in telling
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: your story?
• 48:01
  Speaker 3: Well, you know, pod match has been great because I'm
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: writing my fifth book right now and I regularly get
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: a cast invitations, but I wanted to accelerate it. So
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: Podmatch to me is an accelerator. You know, normally I
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: do one or two a week. Naturally, I naturally get
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: invited to one or two a week. So after joining
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: a podcast, you know, I can schedule as much as
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: I want. So sometimes I have ten a week, well
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: the week eight a week. So that's helped me accelerate
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: my outreach and it supported me in moving forward with
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: my book and building an audience for my book.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: In addition to what you're doing with the life coaching
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: and that if somebody hears us and then is inspired
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: to tell their story, I feel like there's not a quota,
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: Like you're not saying, well, ten people say it I'm doing.
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: If one person shares their story after hearing this or
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: hearing you on any platform, that means a lot to you.
• 48:53
  Speaker 3: Right absolutely, yes, yes, Well, just choosing themselves and just saying,
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: you know, I'm tired of I'm tired of staying stuck.
• 49:01
  Speaker 3: I'm tired of being held back. I want to shift
• 49:04
  Speaker 3: some aspect of my life and having the willingness and
• 49:07
  Speaker 3: the humility to say you know what, I haven't been
• 49:10
  Speaker 3: able to do it by myself. I need a guide.
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: And again, whether it's me, whether it's one of my coaches,
• 49:15
  Speaker 3: whether it's my book, whether it's watching videos on YouTube.
• 49:19
  Speaker 3: You know, however, it supports you listening to me on podcasts.
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: I have a coaching podcast that you can listen to
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: me coach coaches, you know. So whatever supports you, you know,
• 49:29
  Speaker 3: But take a stap, take a step. There's nothing wrong
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: with you. It's just fear. There's nothing wrong with you.
• 49:33
  Speaker 3: It's just fear. There's nothing wrong with you. It's just fear.
• 49:39
  Speaker 2: And not to be very cliche, but as bel he
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: was a FDR. That is the only fear to fear
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: is fear itself, right, And I feel like that's sort
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: of what you're saying here. So thank you so much,
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: Ronda for joining my podcast this evening.
• 49:54
  Speaker 4: Thank you, and we'll definitely have back on, especially as
• 49:57
  Speaker 4: I start to go through the videos that you have
• 50:00
  Speaker 4: and all that other fun all that other good stuff
• 50:02
  Speaker 4: that people can lean on as they go through these
• 50:07
  Speaker 4: I'm calling it a big change in America.
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: One way or the other. It is a change hit
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: And then I feel like this is a perfect time
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: to have this conversation.
• 50:13
  Speaker 3: Yes, it is. It's a perfect time.
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: Ronda, Thanks so much, and we'll have you back on
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: soon on the one leg up network that was perfect.
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: I hope that was you know, that got a lot
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: of