Latest / High Five Hot Mess Podcast / Massage Horror Story: Bad Boyfriends, Oil Spills and TikTok Witchcraft
Transcript
- speaker-1: And I'm like, how much is the witch on TikTok? Like how much does that cost? And she was like, ⁓ it's like $200. And I'm like, I need to be a witch on TikTok. just dumped it on me. It's running everywhere. And because I'm frugal, I'm like, shit's expensive. What are you doing? ⁓ speaker-0: I've got to hear this story. have to me. speaker-1: I love it. So I, as you know, I go to bed really early because I work by coastal. So I go to bed when most people are having dinner. It's cool. But I also am a slut for massages. I love massages. are. speaker-0: wish I I it's about prioritizing though. I just That's not where I feel like I can prioritize my funds at this time, but I wish I could I live vicariously through you speaker-1: a sucker for a deal, right? So I was just perusing this website that I love and it was, hey, there's a deal for this location and it was a spa, Fresha is the site. speaker-0: Is it like Groupon or something like that? speaker-1: It's like a spa app. If you want to know about different places in town to get things done, it finds out where you are and it locates it. It's like, hey, book now and get 20 % off or whatever. It was a massage to the place I always go to, but it wasn't my person. was like, oh. I wasn't going to be some sketch place. All right, great. I go, but it's late. It's a six o'clock at night, which again, I'm going to bed. speaker-0: Okay. speaker-1: When most people are having dinner, my poor husband, he has a nighttime family. Like I'm sure of it. I'm positive he does. He's like six-thirty, she's horrible. speaker-0: takes the golf cart. speaker-1: We need help with their homework. So I'm like, all right, I'm going to get my massage. I'm psyched. Tung's like, it's late. I'm like, it's cool. Don't worry about it. I'll be fine. So I go to my place and I go. speaker-0: Wait, you're gonna fall asleep? speaker-1: Yeah, I was 100 % gonna fall asleep. Like I knew that and I was ready for it. Well, one of the things you'll know about me is I tell you exactly what I want. There's no guessing. Like, I tell you what I want. Like, we're solid. So I go in and it's, she's, it's a woman I've never seen at the spa before and she was calling me girlfriend, which I'm kind of like. speaker-0: Okay. No, I can't. Girlfriend? No. speaker-1: grown adult lady. Like, why are you calling me girlfriend? But you know, okay, and I'm gonna tell, I'm just gonna... She is about 32. And I know this because she told me 700 times. 32. And she was like, okay, I know that I haven't ever worked on you before, but I'm getting like a really good vibe from you. Like, I feel like we're really gonna vibe. And I was like, okay, well, great. Let's vibe away. But listen, don't talk. speaker-0: So was the she. Okay. you to talk. I do not like it when they talk during the- speaker-1: So I'm like, please, please do not talk to me during my massage because I like to go to sleep. She's like, you girl. I got you. I'm like, great. So then I'm face down and she was like, so how much oil do you like? And I was like, that nobody's ever asked. A black belt and day spas and no one has ever asked me on a massage how much oil I like. like never. Like ⁓ I don't know the regular amount like speaker-0: with time. to drop, drop a soul, like, I don't know, like, you don't know how, you don't know. speaker-1: I have no idea. Okay, that's fine. Just a regular amount. Just saying, okay, and I see you paid for the scented. So I love lavender oil or if I'm not feeling great, eucalyptus oil, scented aromatherapy. And so she was like, okay, so I'm going to go ahead and add that. And I'm like, okay. And then I feel like, so you know the aromatherapy bottles are like this big? They have like, you do them a drop at a time. speaker-0: Not a dropper full. Yes, correct. speaker-1: I hear her like struggling with something because I'm face down and then I felt the cold oil empty on my back. speaker-0: No, she's not. She's not like, she's not like torture dripping on your back. speaker-1: just dumped it on me. It's running everywhere. And because I'm frugal, I'm like, shit's expensive. What are you doing? And she was like, and then she's like slathers in oil. She's like, okay, here we go. And she's slipping. There's so much oil. And I'm like, just get it together. Just get together. So I'm like, okay. And she was like, so excited because I'm going to see my boyfriend tonight. He lives in Florida. then like, ⁓ and she was like, you know, she's like, I'm not he doesn't really know I'm coming. It's going to be a surprise. And in my head, I'm like, red flag. Like, what do mean you're flying across the country during like, and it was right when like, COVID had ended and everyone was vaccinated, but everyone was freaky about travel. And she was like, you know, across the country, your boyfriend, you don't he doesn't know you're coming. Yeah, we basically kind of together there and you know, and it's a good thing for me because I really felt like, you know, when he was in town, I didn't get to see him. And I'm like, okay, well, why didn't you get to see I mean, now I got to ask. Like he was here. speaker-0: Now you gotta have dialogue. speaker-1: Like, why didn't you get to see him? Well, he was with his family. And I'm like, Anne? Because again, I'm getting like outraged for her, right? Yeah. He didn't make time to see you. Yeah. Like, well, no, because, you know, he hasn't really told them about me yet, even though we're very serious and we're very committed. Not like my last boyfriend, Tyler. And I'm like... I mean, I'm in it now. I'm in it. 25 minutes in, she's slipping all over me like we're wrestling in oil. We're getting paid to wrestle in oil. And she's like, well, listen. It wasn't like Tyler, was like Tad. And was like, so Tad and I were together for five years, but he didn't tell anybody that we were together. And he was basically obsessed with me, like obsessed with me. And, you know, we were together all the time and he was in the military and, you know, the sex was great and it was just amazing. Again, though, he just had all these hangups about commitment and like didn't want like to be committed to me because he thought there was something wrong with that, you know, and I'm like, are you seeing a parallel sister between him and the new dude in Florida with like speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: Why are you the person no one's telling anybody anything about? Like, and she was like, but you know, she was like, he still checks me out on TikTok, checks me out on Instagram. Like, I know he doesn't think I've understood that he's created all these fake accounts, but I know it's him. I know it's him checking me out. And I'm like, okay, not him. It is someone else that has that actual account. He's not, if he was with you for five years and didn't tell anybody. He's not creating dummy accounts to speaker-0: You're like a slide piece at that point, right? Like if you're being kept a secret. speaker-1: And so, but she's like, know, and I'm 32 and it's time for me to settle down and get into a serious relationship because I really want to start a family. And then my heart hurts, right? Because she's genuinely like looking for love and Tad the asshole was not it. Now not bad. I hate him. And she's like, looks like I know where he likes to hang out. I know how much he weighs. know how tall he is. my God. She's sharing with me about Tad, but she's not into Tad anymore. She's into this new guy who is an orthopedic surgeon. He lives in Florida. He's looking to move, was just here for five days with his family and did not see her once. Okay. She's getting on a plane to fly across the country. to go surprise him and spend time with him. speaker-0: She's gonna roll up and she's gonna see that he has a family and kids and all the things. speaker-1: She was like, you know, I just know that he's it for me and he knows I'm it for him. And I'm like, if you were it for him, he would have introduced you to his family. ⁓ sense girls, common sense. So I'm like, okay, well, you know, yeah. I mean, I hope that comes true for you, you know? And I'm trying really hard to shut it. Cause I really just want to get my massage and you know, whatever. But she is literally like tugging on my heartstrings with her. Like inability to see that these people are both the same person and neither one is interested in her if they're not making her like like if you are in a relationship with someone you don't see every day or talk to every day you are in a relationship with yourself Yeah, good for you, but that other person is not engaged right? They are they are just someone for you to text instead of texting your phone your own phone But a ⁓ lot on dating detectives, right? So this was pre dating detectives years and years ago. And she was again, like, I want to have kids and my mom is like really stressed out because I'm 32. And I don't have I don't have I haven't been in a serious relationship. You know, and I really thought Tad was going to be yet like, you know, we really I kept pushing him to like, hey, you know what, this is it like it's now or never. And then I would, you know, feel bad and then I'd be able get back together and I'm like, you weren't together. speaker-0: There's no really together. Thank you. speaker-1: She said, well, no, we would go roller skating and we would go mini golfing. And I'm like, but with his friends? No, it was always just the two of us. And I'm like, ⁓ girl. And then she was like, and then, you know, the doctor said he's going to move here. And so we're going to need to get a place to live here. So I've been out looking for places for us to live. But you know, he just hasn't had time to look at any of the listing as I've sent him. So I'm really looking forward. to when I see him in Florida that we can look at the listings together. And I'm like, she is headed for a brick wall. And now I'm stressed out and it's like an hour into an hour and a half long massage. And I'm like... speaker-0: Now you're more stressed than when you got there. speaker-1: I'm like, just want to be like sister and I'd shake her, I'd slip off because I'm Oil. Like I'd be like. speaker-0: get off the table you're so slathered speaker-1: It was so much oil. Like literally it doused. Like God I was naked because it doused. Like when I got up you can see like the oily outline. It was so bad. It was crazy. And again she keeps calling me doll and girlfriend and you know all this stuff that just is so off-putting. And I'm just like I'm trying I'm on her side. Like I am on her side. I want to help. speaker-0: Ruin those sheets! speaker-1: And she was like, yeah, but I've got it all figured out. I'm like, do you? Are you sure? Now I'm on my back and I'm face up, right? Because you turn over. And I was like, do you? Are you sure? If you're serious about having kids at 32, you really want to be in a committed relationship with somebody who also wants kids, unless you're just going to have kids by yourself. And that's okay too. Oh no, that's not it. That's not what's going to happen. And again, she goes back to task. And she's like, you know, I really thought it was going to be him. Like I was so in love with him. And he just, he, like, I just feel like I can't fully move into this relationship with my Florida doctor until I break all ties with Tad. And I figured out how to do that. like, hired this witch on Tik TOK. And I'm like, hired a witch on Tik TOK. Okay. I've never been on Tik TOK. speaker-0: Okay speaker-1: but I love witches. And I'm like, wait, there's witches on TikTok? And she was like, okay, yes. And I have a ceremony tonight. I'm like, okay, walk me through the ceremony. Cause now I'm, I'm hoping that she's gonna be successful with this witch on TikTok. So she was like, okay, so we meet at midnight. I'm like, in person? She was like, ⁓ no, no, no, it's alive. Okay, so you're on TikTok together at same time. speaker-0: Number in! Like on your phone. speaker-1: on her phone at midnight and she has a ribbon and she says this chant and when the ribbon is cut, all of my emotional ties to Tad will be cut with it. I'll be free. I won't be him anymore. He won't be tied to me anymore and I'll be free to enter into this relationship with this doctor because you know I'm 32 and I really kids and I really he's so in love with me and I'm so in love with him and I'm like how much is the witch on TikTok? Like how much is that? ⁓ it's like I'm back to the witch on TikTok. Yeah. speaker-0: Yeah, want to hear about it. speaker-1: And she was like, oh, it's like $200. And I'm like, I need to be a witch on TikTok. If I could just like, cut, you're free, $200, please. speaker-0: mean, that's a part of like symbolism, right? And there is a lot of like cord cutting. I mean, in all the new things, yes, it's cutting cords, like generational traumas and ties and all of that stuff. But just a ribbon and a cut, I don't know about that. speaker-1: 200 bucks. Shitching. so now of course, I'm like, I go to like say goodbye and I'm so like you got like I stunk from this aroma therapy. It was in all of my pores. And I go to hug her and she starts to cry. And she's like, you're the first person that's listened to me in so long. just don't pay speaker-0: People are probably like, I don't want you to talk. speaker-1: She's like, I just want to tell you how much I appreciated getting this all out and hearing your perspective was super important. And I'm like, I didn't say shit. I just tried to point out that they have a lot of similarities as far as not putting you first, right? And that maybe if his family was here and he was serious about you, he would have introduced you to his family. He really created them. It still would have been like a sign, you know what I mean? Or least it made some time to see you. like at some point over five days, he would have made some time to see you. And I was worried about her. And so, you know, I'm like calming her down and I'm like, well, I really appreciate this. ⁓ Thank you so much and I wish you the best. I, and I literally am like, asked for a towel for my hair because it was so oily. And so here's me walking out to the front desk of the girl who knows me. And she was like, she's like, ⁓ how, this look on my face, the fact that I had a towel in my hair and I was literally like the oil was seeping through my clothes. ⁓ never again. I'm like, Never again. And she was like, I'm not going to charge you. What happened? I'm like, listen. speaker-0: to have therapy session. speaker-1: Yes, and then I get in the car and I come in and I walk in the room and Doug is like, I'm like, I'm going to go take a shower. And he's like, what is that smell? From the living room and I'm walking into the house from the garage. He's like, what is that smell? speaker-0: Listen. A bunch of oils. speaker-1: essential oils. said, but Doug, before I get in the shower, if anything happens to me and you find yourself on the market, find out if they believe there's witches on TikTok. if they say, run, just run, don't let them see any PII. Don't let them into the house. Like just run. And like, run. I just kept thinking about poor Doug. If I wasn't here, this is what he would be dealing with. speaker-0: I mean, honestly, the dating world is a little tricky out there, yeah, like witches on TikTok. Never heard of that before, but I don't know if I'll be hiring one anytime soon. speaker-1: You need to check it out. speaker-0: I think we should check it out. speaker-1: If there is a witch on TikTok or you've used a witch on TikTok, let us know about it. Talk to us about it in our Instagram or on our website. You can send us an email or however it is. You can channel it. It might get to us. I don't know. Visualize it. Send us a hologram, however it works. You've never heard of it? Yes. Yeah. You've never heard of that? speaker-0: No, I've never ever ever heard of that. But I do believe that there is, I am a believer that there is power in witchcraft, right? Like I am a believer in that. So let's find a witch on TikTok. Let's do it. speaker-1: Or we can just find a witch, not on TikTok. There's all sorts of places we could go and like just ask for like, you know, we both have very specific intentions this year. So, but yeah, which is on TikTok. That girl lives rent free in my head. I think I'm at her all the time. Like I keep thinking like, I hope she's okay. Like I hope she, I hope I knew, I know it's not working out with the doctor. speaker-0: like it. You years it sounds like. No, because he's faint. He like, he's full. speaker-1: Fake. don't know, but man, I hope you're okay. speaker-0: It either never happened or, yeah, I wonder how ⁓ her trip went to Florida. speaker-1: Yeah, she was like, if he was even there, like he didn't even pick her. speaker-0: What she rolled up in. Probably like ubered because she didn't tell him right so he didn't know to pick her up from the airport speaker-1: Well, she said that she had hinted to him that she might come and he had told her that he was in surgery back to back and that he wouldn't have any time for her. speaker-0: Well, so he's probably not a surgeon. Let's just be real. He's probably, well, probably not. speaker-1: Yeah, I mean. speaker-0: He didn't think she would ever fact check, right? He probably didn't think she would ever go there. correct. Probably not his job. He probably just wears scrubs. speaker-1: She might not wear scrubs. I just told her he's a doctor. So listen, ladies, gentlemen, trust but verify. mean, anything from the dating detectives, trust but verify. ⁓ So you got to look out for yourselves out there. speaker-0: Now you do. Nobody else is going to do it for you. All right. I do too. That's a good one. speaker-1: I love that story. All right, mama. I will talk to you later. speaker-0: Okay, bye.