Latest / The Play Therapy Circle / FLASHBACK EPISODE - #7 Understanding the Child's World Through Play

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FLASHBACK EPISODE - #7 Understanding the Child's World Through Play · The Play Therapy Circle

0:00
Hi there and welcome to the Play Therapy Circle.
0:04
Before we begin, Please note this podcast is for
0:07
informational and educational purposes only.
0:10
It does not provide therapeutic advice and listening does not
0:14
create a client therapist relationship.
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All views expressed are my own and any case example shared have
0:21
been de identified to protect privacy.
0:24
If you're seeking personal support, please reach out to a
0:27
qualified mental health professional in your area.
0:33
Hi and welcome to an episode of The Play Therapy Circle.
0:38
I'm Kylie Ellison, a therapist, clinical supervisor and play
0:42
therapy trainer and I'm so grateful you're here.
0:45
This podcast is a space for thoughtful, soulful
0:49
conversations about child centred therapy, play based work
0:53
and what it means to show up with presence and compassion
0:57
both for our clients and for ourselves.
1:00
Whether you're a seasoned play therapist, a student just
1:03
starting out, or someone deeply passionate about working with
1:07
children, you belong here. Welcome everyone to another
1:14
episode of The Play Therapy Circle.
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I'm your host, Kylie Ellison, and I am so glad you are here.
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Today we are doing a flashback to episode 7 where we walked
1:25
through understanding the child's world through play.
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I hope you enjoy revisiting this important topic or maybe getting
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the chance to listen for the first time.
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Enjoy. Today's episode is particularly
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special for me and in recognising our incredible Play
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Therapy Circle community, I want to invite in those that aren't
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just play therapists, but all of our listeners who might be
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parents, caregivers, people working in the education space,
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in the childcare space, community services space, anyone
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who has the privilege and the honour of working with kids.
2:01
This episode is also for you because I want to talk today
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about understanding the child's world through play.
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And I always say when I am sharing training with others who
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are learning to be CCPT practitioners that I always say
2:20
you will never look at play the same way after you have learnt
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CCPT. And I stand by that.
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I think that it offers an incredible insight into what
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children are trying to communicate without using words.
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So this is really powerful and an incredible skill that we
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develop as CCPT practitioners. And as Gary Landreth always
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says, we shouldn't be holding those skills just within the
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playroom. We should be sharing it with
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everyone in our community. And so I share this with you in
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living that tenant and that commitment to CCPT by doing this
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podcast. So hopefully I will reach and be
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able to share this with more people as part of my work as a
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CCPT practitioner. So today we're going to dive
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into how play gives us a window into children's worlds and
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particularly their inner world, and how we use CCPT to
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understand what they're trying to tell us without any
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communication by words. So this is definitely, as I
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said, a skill that we learn, but we also really hold true to the
3:28
idea that children will tell us in their way in their time.
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And it's more about understanding what that is for
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us to then be able to respond rather than trying to fix it.
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So I want to plant that seed for all of you listening at home
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that we live in our framework of person centred counselling and
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approach where we espouse to that self actualization
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principle that if given the right space, kids will thrive
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and they will move towards that self actualization goal.
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However, if they they don't necessarily have that space
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where they're seen and heard that we have this opportunity to
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shift that and to better understand what they're trying
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to tell us so that we can help to support them into more of
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those pro social behaviours. So we live by this principle.
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So I want to share it all with you now and hopefully give you
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some insight. So hopefully today's podcast
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will also plant the seed for the children that you're currently
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working with or connected with. So this could even be your own
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child, child or children within your community.
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This goes for everyone. I always say now that I do this
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and obviously have been for the last 10 years, that I will go to
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children's birthday parties and you just can't Unsee it.
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Like as soon as you understand what children are communicating
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through play, you see it everywhere, in the shopping
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centre, in the parks, at play dates, whatever that looks like.
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You will be able to have this sense of OK, this is what this
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child might be trying to communicate without words.
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And so it's an incredible honour to be able to do this work.
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What I want to start off by saying, and I want to do a whole
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podcast on just the state of children's mental health in
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current times because I think there is so many factors that go
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into the presentation of kids that we currently see in our
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practises and in our clinics. But universally, I think what is
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so important to remind us all is that play is children's
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universal language. So despite what they are going
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through, despite where they live, despite the communities
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they are a part of, they will all use play in those formative
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years to understand and make sense of their world and to
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communicate to others. So they use play to express
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themselves, to express their thoughts and their feelings and
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their experiences, and they always do.
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So when I connect with parents, what I often say is I am going
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to see obviously play in the playroom.
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That's part of my job, but you will also see a version of the
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play that I see in some capacity at home.
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It'll be maybe a slightly different way, but they will
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still be trying to work through the same issue or problem at
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home, just with different resources or in a different
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space. So I'm always encouraging
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parents and caregivers to just sit back and observe, not for
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the purposes of information gathering, that's not the
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intention, but more around helping to see and hear their
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child without intervening and without fixing.
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I think in our current communities, and I can talk to
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my local community, is that I think that we have parents who
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are really struggling themselves.
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And that is absolutely understandable for many reasons.
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But as a result, I think we have certainly tried to shift as a
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collective in our parenting towards more of the gentle
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parenting style to supporting our child to be seen and heard.
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But as a result, I think a lot of parenting styles have shifted
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towards helping to fix things for their kids because they want
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to make sure that they're happy. They want to make sure that
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their child feels connected with them, that they feel safe and
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nurtured and loved. And I think all of those are
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incredibly beautiful and important qualities to have as a
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parent. But I think conversely, when we
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dive in quickly or too quickly sometimes to fix things for
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kids, we miss the messaging behind what they're trying to
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tell us. So for any of you listening out
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there, I am a parent myself, so I feel like I can share that we
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are certainly always critiquing ourselves as mums in particular.
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I know we can always be super critical of ourselves and put a
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lot of pressure on ourselves to be a great parent.
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I think that if we can take a little bit of that pressure off
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and sit in that position of believing in the potential and
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the capacity of our own kids, and for sometimes them to sit in
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that struggle to help them to work through and support them
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regardless will go a long way to helping our kids.
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So we come from this perspective as CCPT practitioners that play
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is how children communicate. I always say behaviour is
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communication. So we're going to talk soon
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about what that looks like in terms of different settings, in
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particular the clinic and play therapy settings.
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But I really want to emphasise that point first because it's
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super important that we hold that in mind.
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If we then look from that, it's important for us as the adults
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in the child's life to take the opportunity to understand what
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they're trying to tell us through play rather than asking
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questions, rather than intervening, rather than trying
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to fix or find solutions for kids.
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Can we stop and just be with the child to hear what they're
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trying to tell us? That's a really hard thing to
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do, so I just want to plant that seed as well.
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I'm planting so many seeds today, you guys.
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So for many children, especially younger kids, play is their
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communication. So we often say that play
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therapy for kids is like, what talk paste, excuse me, talk
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based therapy is for adults. That's kind of how we try
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sometimes to phrase it to parents and caregivers and
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stakeholders to understand what play therapy is all about.
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So if we need to go to a therapist ourselves as an adult
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and use that talk based approach, maybe that's CBT or
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another modality. Children also need to do this,
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but they don't necessarily preference words, they
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preference play. That's how they communicate,
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talk through and make sense of the things that are happening to
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them. So in CCPT, in child centre play
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therapy, how do we understand what play is all about?
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South Certainly as a practitioner myself, I hold that
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space and belief that the child is capable of working through
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those issues that they're experiencing and developing that
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self understanding and that growth.
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That can be really hard as a parent, in particular as an
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educator, if we work in that space of being required to offer
10:25
teachings and learnings to kids that we actually kind of flip
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that idea on its head to say that children actually know what
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they need to work through. They know what they need to talk
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about and they know what needs fixing.
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They just don't have the words to be able to express that.
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So they'll do that through their behaviour and through their
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play. I, I very often have parents
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that come over the last 10 years to my clinic who will talk about
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certain traumas that have been experienced in their family
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background and emphasise the point that the child was not in
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the room or wasn't aware. And so they don't know what
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happened. And very quickly in the
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playroom, through play, not through words, but through play,
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they will play out those trauma experiences very vividly.
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And I will then go back to the parents and say, I think they
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know more than than you anticipate.
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So I think that when we come from that perspective, I always
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say kids are so smart. That is like my big catch phrase
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that I say that they are so much smarter than we give them credit
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for. So if that is the case, and if
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they actually hold a lot of information that
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neurobiologically they haven't quite been able to put context
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or understanding to, how are they going to do that?
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If they can't use words to express themselves, they're
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going to use play. So what is our role as the
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therapist? It's definitely to create that
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sense of safety and trust and connection and acceptance.
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All of those tenants that we've talked about in our beginning
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podcast episodes that are very much a part of CCPT practise.
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So that congruence, empathy and unconditional positive regard.
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So what we often lean into is this idea that through play, the
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child tells their story in symbolic ways.
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So this happens on so many different ways and so many
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different levels. And I've got so many examples
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that come to mind. So we'll talk that through in a
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second. But what I want to again
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emphasise here is that if we shift our understanding or our
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perspective that that some behaviours, and especially those
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that say are aggressive, aren't necessarily kids trying to be
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naughty or bad, but in fact they're trying to express or
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communicate urgently something that is happening within their
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inner world that they need to make sense of or they need help
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with. It helps us to flip that idea of
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what the play is all about. So I definitely want you guys to
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be thinking about in the observations of the play if you
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are working in a clinical practise as a CCPT practitioner,
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not to immediately go to that lens of symptomology or
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understanding. I guess that superficial level
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of that behaviour presentation, say a child that's resisting to
13:29
go into the therapy room and we're seeing an escalation in
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that transition into the playroom.
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Not seeing that necessarily as them digging the heels in and
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being stubborn, but potentially there being something underneath
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an unmet need, a heightened emotion, a particular issue for
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them that they are in fact struggling with.
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So if we look at it from that lens, for a child that is
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struggling to say, transition into a playroom and separate
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from mom or dad, it may actually be that they are deeply
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concerned, especially if there's been a trauma background.
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They're deeply concerned about the well being of their parent
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that's in the waiting room. And they actually don't want to
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separate because if they do, they don't have eyes on their
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parent and they're not sure what will happen if they're not
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around. So that takes a very different
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lens to that behaviour if we're looking at what is the child
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trying to communicate and being resistant to separate from that
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parent. And there's lots and lots of
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different reasons, guys. I'm just giving one.
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It is absolutely going to be child dependent in terms of
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their history, presenting issues, diagnosis, goals of
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therapy. There's so many elements, guys.
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I'm just kind of trying to keep this as basic as I can to try
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and reach as many people as I can in this space.
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So definitely taking a minute to look at the behaviour.
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But then what might be underneath that behaviour?
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What might be the unmet need or the issue or problem or
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situation or feeling that the child is trying to communicate
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to us, sometimes very urgently. So what do we see emerging in
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play when we start to understand the child's world?
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And I do want to give you obviously different perspectives
15:16
in terms of holistically my clients, not one client in
15:20
particular and certainly not anything in relation to direct
15:24
therapy work or client work I've done.
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But I want to talk holistically across the 10 years what I have
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seen in terms of those different types of play.
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So we can see this in many different ways.
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What I say when I am supporting beginning play therapists,
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especially when they begin to connect with a family or a child
15:46
and in the beginning sessions they observe the child to use
15:51
say shop, the role play of shop. So very generally topic here.
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So what we understand in our approach, especially in those
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beginning sessions in that exploratory stage, is this idea
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that children want to understand the nature of the relationship
16:09
with us. They want to know that we are
16:12
somebody safe, trusting that can hold space for them to be able
16:17
to provide that sense of empathy and acceptance that maybe they
16:21
haven't had in experiences with other adults in their life.
16:25
So we really work hard to build that relationship.
16:28
And we talked a couple of episodes ago about the
16:31
importance of the relationship between the therapist and the
16:35
child. So that is super, super
16:37
important. But what that means is that
16:40
children will sometimes use play to assess that, to understand
16:45
that. And what I always say is
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children don't come in with an agenda in play therapy.
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They don't sit in the car on the way when they're being driven to
16:53
the clinic and say, right, I'm going to take this theme, this
16:55
theme, and maybe I'll throw in this one as well.
16:58
They don't come in with a cognitive conscious awareness of
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what they're going to do. But what is incredible about
17:04
this work is, generally speaking, most kids do the same
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thing. So when they are exploring and
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understanding that trust and safety, we see some fairly
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consistent role plays that emerge.
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And one of them is shop. So we could look at Shop
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superficially and say, OK, this child really enjoys playing shop
17:26
with me. This is something that they
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quite like to do and they knew how to do it.
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That could be at a very superficial level how we could
17:36
look at that play. What I want to encourage
17:38
beginning play therapist to consider is this idea of it not
17:42
necessarily just being about shop, but what the child is
17:46
trying to do is engage in a relational experience where
17:51
there is back and forth and transactions involved.
17:55
When we start to dig a little deeper and looking at that play,
17:59
what children are doing is essentially from an attachment
18:03
theory perspective, starting to understand that back and forth
18:07
experience of a relationship with another.
18:11
There is this experience of buying something, say we're the
18:14
therapist and where the shop shop person, we're buying stuff
18:18
at the shop and the client is the shop keeper.
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There's this interaction where we are buying things and giving
18:25
it to the child. The child might scan those
18:28
items, they might ring it up on the cash register, They might
18:31
ask us for money, we hand the money over, they might give us
18:34
some change. There is a back and forth to and
18:37
fro between ourselves and the child where they're using in
18:42
real time through play to establish are we somebody that's
18:46
going to respond to them? Are we going to meet them where
18:49
they're at and are we going to engage with them in a way that's
18:52
reciprocal, respectful, connected, all of those
18:57
beautiful qualities of CCPT. So there's often this need if
19:01
they have had anxious attachments outside of play
19:04
therapy, where they may need to do this repeatedly until they
19:09
feel that sense of safety and trust.
19:11
So it might be 1 role play of shop, it might be 10 role plays
19:15
of shop. Again, children don't come with
19:17
an agenda and a timeline, which is really hard when we're trying
19:20
to explain that to stakeholders, right?
19:22
But this is the incredible thing about children is they know how
19:27
much time they need. So shop and that role play of
19:29
shop is a really kind of basic example of how that works, where
19:33
children are not just playing with a cash register, but there
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is a deeper unpacking and understanding of a relationship
19:40
with another. That's one example.
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I've got so many guys, so I'm going to try and do another one.
19:45
So one of those things that we see when kids progress in their
19:48
therapy work. So this is more maybe halfway
19:51
through therapy or 3/4 of the way through therapy.
19:55
It can be at any stage. Is this role play around hide
20:00
and seek for any of you? Play therapist out there
20:04
listening at home who have seen a child engage in hide and seek.
20:09
If we were to just look at that superficially at the surface
20:14
level of that play, we might say that they have played hide and
20:18
seek before, that they know how that goes and they like it and
20:23
it's something they want to do with us.
20:25
Again, that's that's awesome and that is certainly part of that
20:28
observation. But as a CCPT practitioner, we
20:31
take that a little bit deeper. So what we do is to understand
20:36
what is going on when we are doing that hide and seek role
20:39
play is there's so many different variables to this.
20:42
And we will talk about this in later podcasts.
20:44
But the idea of them engaging in this role play again, where they
20:49
are hiding and they're getting us to find them certainly
20:53
relates oftentimes to this unpacking and exploration,
20:58
again, of that attachment relationship between ourselves
21:02
and the child. But more importantly, their
21:05
experiences, again, outside of play therapy and making sense of
21:09
what it feels like to be constantly found.
21:12
So there's this idea of, again, that experience of attachment
21:17
relationships with others where people might go away and come
21:21
back, go away and come back. We understand from attachment
21:25
theory that certainly goes into establishing that secure
21:29
attachment base. When children are in those
21:31
formative years, if they haven't experienced that in their lives,
21:37
they may need to play that out over and over and over until
21:42
again, neurobiologically they understand.
21:46
Or the therapist is somebody who's not going to leave and
21:49
never come back. So again, I'm planting this seed
21:54
guys. And I'm really, really
21:55
simplifying this because there's so much I could talk about in
21:57
terms of hide and seek, which I won't because I have to be on a
22:00
time frame here you guys, to make it easy for you guys to
22:03
digest this information. So what I want to again, plant
22:07
the seed. If you are seeing children in
22:09
your life right now who are engaging in hide and seek, it
22:14
might be worth taking a second to just observe that play,
22:18
engage in it. Obviously we want to play with
22:20
the child, but observe it rather than treating it, I guess at
22:25
that superficial level, because very often in the playroom there
22:31
is other parts to that play that they are trying to unpack and
22:34
make sense of. We have so many different
22:37
elements in the playroom where this looks and and arises.
22:41
We obviously have san tray and there's often San tray work that
22:44
children do that is very symbolic that help children to
22:49
unpack their experiences and how they're doing.
22:52
I've had many, many different San trays over the years in my
22:56
playroom where often times kids will use resources to talk about
23:01
their experience again with others or just their
23:05
understanding of their world. And so helping us to
23:08
symbolically understand stand can be really useful.
23:11
Art is another one where we certainly see that expression of
23:15
that inner world. And so again, we hold very
23:18
firmly in CPT that are, but any kind of drawings is very much an
23:24
insight into that child's world. So we don't do things like hang
23:28
them up on the wall. We certainly don't put them on
23:31
display because we recognise that there is so much
23:35
therapeutic content that is contained within those drawings
23:40
that it's so important to us that we protect that from a
23:42
confidentiality and ethical perspective.
23:45
So it's certainly something that is used in the playroom.
23:48
And so again, sometimes art can be very symbolic around the
23:52
things that are going on for that child in their life.
23:56
I've given you guys a couple of examples of how that looks in
24:00
the playroom. I have so many more.
24:03
But what I guess I want to say is that as part of my work, what
24:08
I've learnt over time is the importance of having patience,
24:14
of really stopping and stopping myself from jumping in to ask
24:19
questions or to understand what the child is trying to tell me.
24:22
And that really comes from that perspective of adults being the
24:26
experts, right? That we need to essentially
24:31
understand what the child's doing to either teach something
24:33
to them or fix something for them, or yes, jump in and help
24:39
solve something for them that they are struggling with
24:41
themselves. I often say to therapists that
24:47
that becomes so much about our stuff and not about the Childs.
24:50
Because here's the great thing about kids is that regardless of
24:54
whether we understand what they're trying to tell us,
24:57
they'll keep telling it until we get it.
25:01
So whether we can jump in first time that we see a play and help
25:05
them to understand it and show our own understanding or not is,
25:09
is not important. At the end of the day, the child
25:13
will certainly keep playing something out until they've
25:16
found resolution to it themselves to or they feel like
25:19
they've had that healing and growth so that they can move on.
25:22
So we see that in the playroom, but we certainly see that in
25:25
other settings as well, more broadly in the education and the
25:30
childcare space where we often see really big behaviours.
25:34
And I think that there is so many aspects to supporting kids
25:38
in those larger settings that I would love to do a podcast all
25:41
about that guy. So I promise that topic will
25:44
come because I want to see and validate and hear those
25:49
incredible childcare and education workers in our our
25:53
broader community. So I certainly think that that
25:57
becomes really challenging when children are using their play,
26:01
their behaviour and their play to communicate things that are
26:04
going on for them, when we don't necessarily have that immediate
26:08
time to hold space to help them feel seen and heard.
26:11
So I think that anywhere in a child's life, they're going to
26:15
be using behaviours in a way that talks to what's happening
26:19
for them and what they're struggling with and what they're
26:21
experiencing. And it is about us as adults,
26:25
rather than jumping in and asking questions, taking a
26:28
minute to stop and observe, and more importantly, to validate
26:32
feelings. I always, always say that with
26:34
anyone I connect with. I really want to encourage
26:39
anyone connected with children. If we're able to validate and
26:43
see and hear children's feelings, that is absolutely
26:46
100% the first step in helping healing and growth and change.
26:51
So I can't, can't encourage that enough.
26:54
Whoever is listening right now, in worst case scenario, in times
26:58
of stress, we revert back to what we know.
27:00
If you can, in those moments where you're struggling to stop,
27:04
to breathe, to take a minute to observe and maybe just go to the
27:08
feelings to help validate what's going on for that child in the
27:11
first instance. It may or may not work, but I
27:13
share that with you as a passionate CCPT practitioner in
27:17
this space. I think that valuing too, when
27:21
we're talking about CCPT and it's application to the wider
27:24
community is this valuing of unconditional positive regard.
27:31
That is hard when we have a child who is presenting with
27:36
really high intensity behaviours for example.
27:40
It's really, really tricky and it's difficult for us as adults
27:43
in that space, but we don't tell the child what it means.
27:48
We support them to work through it.
27:50
It's so important that we give them that space to process
27:54
what's going on for them and even in those alternative
27:57
spaces, not just in the clinics and in private practise.
28:01
But if we can hold just a minute of space for a child to be able
28:05
to feel seen and heard and support them to work through it,
28:09
it will go a long way in supporting them to feel like
28:13
they can move towards that self actualization principle.
28:17
So we accept the child though in terms of that particular value,
28:21
no matter what they express. So that can be really tricky
28:26
when we're working in a play therapy space.
28:29
So to all of my incredible play therapists in our play therapy
28:32
circle community, and I feel like this needs to be on a
28:36
T-shirt. You guys for our CCPT guys out
28:38
there, trust the process. Trust the process.
28:42
I know, right? I feel like every supervisor I
28:45
have, I say that to them and they're like, I know, I know I'm
28:49
doing it. What's going on?
28:52
That's what I say to you. Again, trust the process.
28:56
So what can we do both as play therapists and those in the
29:00
community to help support kids and for those of you listening
29:05
at home? So I want to encourage parents,
29:07
teachers, caregivers, agency workers, all of those incredible
29:11
people doing incredible things in that work of supporting
29:15
children in our community to try to observe without rushing to
29:20
interpret, observe without rushing to interpret.
29:26
Or I'd like to add to that observe without rushing to fix
29:30
or to question, right? So what can we do to create
29:36
that? So creating safe play spaces
29:39
where kids can just use the resources to play as opposed to
29:43
having a prescribed structure, allowing those freedom in play
29:47
choices. And like I was just saying,
29:49
reflecting those feelings is so, so important.
29:53
You're feeling really, really frustrated right now, and it's
29:56
really hard. Those kind of things, those kind
29:59
of statements really help support kids.
30:02
We use that CCPT lens in our practise to understanding how we
30:08
can grow from presence, not control.
30:13
Big, big stuff, you guys. Hey, I want to wrap this episode
30:17
out because we're at 30 minutes, guys.
30:20
In the beginning, it was short and sweet.
30:22
I fear as we go through these episodes, they're going to get
30:25
longer. I'm going to try and keep to my
30:28
time, you guys, but I hope for all of you listening at home
30:32
that this has started to plant the seed, as I have throughout
30:36
this session around listening through play to the child's
30:41
inner world. So what do we understand as a
30:43
recap of all of this? Play is children's natural mode
30:48
of communication. As Gary Lynch would say, play is
30:52
their word. Sorry, toys are the words and
30:55
play is their language. So CCPT and the skills of CCPT
31:00
provides that environment for understanding.
31:03
And so through play, we can get an understanding or insight into
31:09
the child's inner world with respect and acceptance.
31:14
So what I want to invite you all to reflect on as I wrap up this
31:18
episode is to think about the last time you observed A child's
31:24
play. To think about what might they
31:27
have been telling you, not what you saw them do.
31:33
Not looking at that superficial level, but what might be the
31:37
function or the message or the unmet need or the emotions or
31:41
the experience behind the play? What's under the surface?
31:46
What are they trying to tell you?
31:49
And I encourage each of you to do this in your work, in your
31:53
daily connection with kids, to hear children's stories.
31:57
So thank you so much for listening today.
32:01
I appreciate, appreciate wholeheartedly every single
32:06
member of our play Therapy Circle community.
32:08
Please feel free to share with your colleagues, friends,
32:12
parents, others this podcast to help spread the word about CCPT,
32:17
how amazing it is, and how it can and support the children in
32:21
your community. Please follow us along on
32:23
Instagram at the Play Therapy Circle Podcast and please feel
32:26
free to share our podcast posts as we update every week.
32:31
Every week we drop an episode on Friday.
32:34
Please feel free to reach out to us if you have a topic that you
32:39
would like us to cover in the future.
32:41
But thank you so much for being here and being part of the
32:44
circle. So thank you so much everyone go
32:47
and I will connect with you again soon.
32:49
Thanks. Bye.
32:52
Thank you so much for being here for another episode of The Play
32:56
Therapy Circle. If anything resonated with you
32:59
today, I'd love it if you could follow the podcast, share it
33:03
with a colleague, or leave a short review.
33:05
It really helps others find our circle.
33:08
And if you have a topic or question you'd love me to
33:11
explore, I'd love to hear from you.
33:13
This space is for you, and I want it to feel like a
33:17
conversation. Until next time, take care of
33:20
yourself and remember you belong here.