Latest / Finding God at Work / 36: Beyond Resentment: Finding Freedom in the Tasks That Drain You

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36: Beyond Resentment: Finding Freedom in the Tasks That Drain You · Finding God at Work

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(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Hi, I'm Chris.
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This is Finding God at Work.
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Just a reminder that Finding God at Work
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isn't just a podcast.
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It's also an online course.
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Check it out at findinggodatwork.org.
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Our current series is Meaningful Work, Calling, Formation,
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Service, and Love.
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What is the get-to, have-to mix
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of your current work?
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This is a concept that was introduced to
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me by Kevin, my boss at the mortgage
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company.
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Pretty intuitive.
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There are some things that you get to
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do in your work, things that you look
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forward to doing, things that you enjoy.
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And then there are other things that you
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have to do in your work.
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Things that you might not prefer to do,
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but that need to get done.
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And it's a different mix and different jobs,
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right?
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Some jobs, maybe it's like 80-90%
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have-to.
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And then you've got a little bit of
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10% of get-to that you look
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forward to.
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Those jobs are really hard.
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On the flip side, maybe you have a
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dream job.
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But even in a dream job, you're probably
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going to have like 5-10% at
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least that's in that have-to category.
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Even if most of the time you're getting
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to do what you love, what you want
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to do.
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So just take a minute.
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What would the split be for you?
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Is it 70-30?
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Is it 90-10?
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Is it 50-50?
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In your current job, how much of your
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job do you get to do versus how
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much do you have to do?
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And as we look at this last part
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of the series, looking at how love can
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make our work meaningful, I want to kind
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of encourage you about the have-to parts
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of your job.
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Because if you're like me, the have-to
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stuff that you don't enjoy, it can be
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hard to find meaning in it, right?
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Like often the reason we don't enjoy it
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is because there's something that's less motivating about
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it.
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Maybe it's tedious or maybe it's repetitive.
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Maybe it's something that we don't think actually
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contributes to the mission of the workplace that
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much.
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There can be different reasons why it's hard
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to find meaning.
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But I think there is a way to
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find meaning in this kind of work, the
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have-to kind of work.
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And I want to go to a couple
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passages that talk about what happens when somebody
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else imposes something on you.
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What happens when somebody else doesn't respect your
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rights?
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And that might seem like a strange place
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to go, but then we'll come back around,
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and I think you'll see how it connects
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to this idea of allowing love to transform
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the have-to parts of your work.
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Okay, so our first passage comes from Jesus.
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This is in the Sermon on the Mount.
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We've looked at this before.
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I'm going to read chapter 5 of Matthew,
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starting in verse 38.
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You have heard that it was said, Eye
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for eye and tooth for tooth.
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But I tell you, do not resist an
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evil person.
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If anyone slaps you on the right cheek,
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turn to them the other cheek also.
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And if anyone wants to sue you and
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take your shirt, hand over your coat as
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well.
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If anyone forces you to go one mile,
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go with them two miles.
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Give to the one who asks of you,
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and do not turn away from the one
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who wants to borrow from you.
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You have heard that it was said, But
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I tell you, love your enemies, and pray
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for those who persecute you, that you may
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be children of your Father in heaven.
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This is a really rich teaching of Jesus.
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In our last episode on Maundy Thursday, we
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talked about how Jesus himself lived out, praying
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for those who were persecuting him when he
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was being crucified, praying, Father, forgive them.
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So we know that Jesus isn't asking us
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to do anything here that he hasn't done
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himself.
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Okay, but it's really interesting that the things
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that Jesus lays out, right before that teaching
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of love your enemies, as kind of examples
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of how to do that.
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So one is, if someone slaps you on
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the right cheek, turn to them the other
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also.
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Just some cultural context here.
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Slapping someone on the right cheek was like
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insulting them.
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This isn't talking about somebody actually trying to
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beat you up, but somebody who's like deeply,
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deeply insulting you.
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This would be similar maybe to somebody spitting
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in your face in our cultural context.
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So it's saying, if somebody insults you, don't
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insult them back.
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Right, that's one example when somebody insults you.
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Then there's another one, if anyone wants to
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sue you and take your shirt.
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Interesting, a lawsuit is an issue here.
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We'll actually look at a lawsuit context again
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in our next passage.
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So if somebody sues you, he says, don't
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just give them what they're asking for, give
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them something else too.
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So they want to sue you and take
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your shirt, probably unfairly.
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He's like, don't just give them the shirt,
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give them something else too.
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If anyone forces you to go one mile,
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go with them two miles.
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Now the cultural historical context here is that
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Roman soldiers who had authority in ancient Palestine
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where these Jewish listeners to Jesus would have
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been, they literally could do this.
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They could force civilians to help them carry
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stuff up to a full mile.
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So this is something that could literally happen.
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A Jew might be minding his own business,
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maybe working on his farm or running an
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errand, and a soldier could just stop him
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and say, you're going to help me carry
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this load for a mile.
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Imagine how disruptive that would be in your
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day if somebody could just disrupt you and
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commandeer you like that.
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And Jesus says, what should you do?
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He says, don't just go with them one
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mile, go with them two miles.
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This is totally counterintuitive.
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Jesus is saying, rather than insisting on your
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own rights, be generous.
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Give something back.
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Give your cloak as well as your shirt.
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Give the second mile as well as the
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first.
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And then he specifically talks about giving in
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the next example.
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He says, give to the one who asks
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you and do not turn away from the
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one who wants to borrow from you.
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Okay, so Jesus is giving us, I think,
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a way out from resentment here.
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What is resentment?
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We talked about this in a previous series.
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Resentment is the feeling you get when sacrifices
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are required of you rather than freely given.
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When it's like something is forced upon you.
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And that's exactly what Jesus is talking about.
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Somebody who's using the legal system to get
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the better of you through a lawsuit or
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somebody who has authority, like a Roman soldier,
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forcing you to do labor that you shouldn't
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have to do.
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Somebody who is asking you for a gift,
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even though they have no particular reason why
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you have to give it to them.
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Jesus is saying in all of these situations,
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rather than being constrained by resentment, saying, oh,
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I have to do this, you can choose
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to give.
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You can choose to even give more than
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what was required of you.
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So something that starts as a requirement or
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an obligation, Jesus is saying you have the
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freedom, you have the power as a human
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agent to turn that around and make it
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a gift.
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Right?
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That person maybe can force you to do
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something.
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Maybe they can.
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Maybe they've got the political power to force
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you to do something.
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You know what they can't do?
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They can't force you to hate them.
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They can't force you to feel resentful.
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They can't prevent you from choosing to be
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generous back to them.
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See, true deep freedom is actually the capacity
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to love regardless of what the other person
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is doing.
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Okay, so this is kind of the basic
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teaching of Jesus.
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I think this is probably in the back
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of Paul's mind in our next passage.
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So our next passage comes from 1 Corinthians
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chapter 6, and Paul is addressing an issue
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that has arisen in the Corinthian church related
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to lawsuits among believers.
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They're getting into conflicts with each other.
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They can't find anybody in the church to
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resolve it, so they go to the Gentile
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courts to have a lawsuit, just like, you
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know, we might go to a court, again,
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a civil court to try and resolve some
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sort of matter.
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So Paul's writing and he says, starting in
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verse 3, Do you not know that we
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will judge angels?
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How much more the things of this life!
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Therefore, if you have disputes about such matters,
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do you ask for a ruling from those
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whose way of life is scorned in the
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church?
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I say this to shame you.
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Is it possible that there is nobody among
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you wise enough to judge a dispute between
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believers, but instead one brother takes another to
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court, and this in front of unbelievers?
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The fact that you have lawsuits among you
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means you have been completely defeated already.
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Why not rather be wronged?
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Why not rather be cheated?
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Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and
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you do this to your brothers and sisters.
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Okay, a couple things there.
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One is this idea that we will judge
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angels.
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This is a part of the New Testament
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teaching that I think is sometimes neglected, that
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part of our future, those of us who
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are in Christ, is that we will have
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authority over the whole universe when Jesus returns.
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We'll be under Jesus, but we'll be exercising
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authority with him to judge the earth or
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to judge angels, like this passage says.
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We'll be exercising authority to determine how things
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go.
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And so that's actually part of your future
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in God, if you're in Christ, is to
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be a co-ruler of the universe.
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Big responsibility.
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And Paul's saying, look, if that's where we're
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eventually headed, we should be able to handle
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disagreements one another inside of the church now.
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Like, we shouldn't have to go outside the
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church to people that don't even share our
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convictions or our way of life and have
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them judge between us.
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Like, we should be qualified to do this.
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We should have enough discernment to figure these
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kind of conflicts out.
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And then he kind of gets to the
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heart of the matter, which is what's going
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on if believers are having a lawsuit with
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each other?
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Well, it means that opposing parties are both
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insisting on their rights, insisting on getting their
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way.
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And what he says in verses 7 and
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8 is, that's the problem, right?
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The real problem is not just the discernment
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of who's in the right, but why are
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you, as a disciple of Jesus, even insisting
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on getting your way in the first place?
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He says, you've already been completely defeated already.
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Why not rather be wronged?
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Why not rather be cheated?
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These are really powerful questions.
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What he's saying is, suppose the other person
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is in the wrong and you are in
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the right.
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Wouldn't it be better to just, again, let
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them have what they want rather than dragging
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them into court?
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Couldn't you take this inopportunity and turn it
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into an opportunity to love?
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Couldn't you take this imposition and instead choose
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to be generous?
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That's what Jesus teaches us.
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Jesus teaches us that we can turn this
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around, that other people's behavior doesn't have to
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determine our behavior.
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They might be able to take something away
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from us, but they can't make us hate
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them.
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They can't make us resent them in our
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hearts.
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They can't take away our capacity to love
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them and to be generous to them no
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matter what they do to us.
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And so Paul is saying, this is the
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way we've got to think.
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Rather than always being ready to insist on
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our rights, how can we have a posture
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of generosity?
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This is super counterintuitive.
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Again, in our culture, especially in the United
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States, one of the most litigious nations in
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the history of the world, we love insisting
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on our rights.
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We love fighting for what's ours.
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And there can be a place for that,
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like if you're fighting for the right of
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a disenfranchised group of people, right?
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You know, like Rosa Parks, when she stood
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up and refused to sit in the segregated
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area of the bus, right?
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It was not like, oh, Rosa Parks wasn't
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being generous, like a follower of Jesus.
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No, no, no, no, no.
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Like she was fighting for the rights of
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a disenfranchised group of people.
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Different context, right?
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But this is talking about interpersonal conflict.
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Do we have that willingness to surrender what's
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ours, to not insist on getting our way?
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All right, let's bring this teaching from Jesus
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and then echoed by Paul back to the
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question of the have-to stuff at work.
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What is the have-to stuff that you
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have to do?
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For me, I think of nurses, where they
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want to spend time caring for patients, but
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they've got to do all of this onerous
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paperwork.
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Paperwork can be a burden in a lot
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of different jobs.
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Small business owners face a ton of paperwork,
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social workers, teachers, now with the IEPs and
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individualization plans and other things.
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Or I think about folks in ministry who
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love doing, say, evangelism and discipleship, but then
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they've also got to spend a bunch of
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time fundraising, and maybe that's something that's particularly
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challenging for them.
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Or I think about teachers, maybe at the
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college level, professors.
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They love teaching, they love research, but then
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they keep having to give time to administrative
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duties because somebody's got to be the dean
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of the department.
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Or maybe it's somebody who loves building systems
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behind the scenes, but then they keep getting
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pushed into interpersonal communication.
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I have a friend like this.
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She's a great structural person, but then somebody
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left the team who was doing some of
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the phone work, so until they hired a
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new person, she had to step in and
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do the phone work, and that's not her
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thing.
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She's like, please get me off the phones.
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I do not want to do this.
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That was a have-to for them.
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What is the have-to for you?
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Okay, the question is, are we going to
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let ourselves become resentful because these are things
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we dislike doing?
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These are things that we have to do
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rather than we get to do.
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Again, even if it's unfair in some way,
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maybe the paperwork is forced on us by
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our boss, or maybe the boss has been
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inequitable in the workload distribution, so you're stuck
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with more work than you should have.
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Maybe there's some other reason that this really
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isn't great.
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Again, even if you're in the right, even
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if you have been wronged, that doesn't take
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away the opportunity to turn it around and
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make it generosity, make it love.
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That's what Jesus is inviting us into.
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No matter how onerous the situation is, you
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still have freedom to say, I'm going to
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take this obligation.
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I'm going to take this requirement.
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I'm going to take this have-to, and
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I'm going to turn it around, and I'm
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going to love.
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I'm going to make it a gift.
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I'm going to go the extra mile.
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Now, one caveat here is, kind of like
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with Rosa Parks, there are situations where it
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does make sense to push back against something
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that's unfair, right?
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Both maybe for the sake of other disenfranchised
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people, and sometimes for your own sake, too.
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I don't think that this teaching prevents us
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from setting boundaries, for example, asserting ourselves.
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We've looked in other episodes at how, for
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example, the Apostle Paul was very assertive about
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his rights sometimes in clever and kingdom-minded
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ways.
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So this raises a significant question.
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What's the right thing to do?
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If I'm discerning, if I'm facing a have
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-to and it feels unfair, is it a
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situation where I should set a boundary with
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my boss, or is it a situation where
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I should turn it around and go the
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second mile and make it an act of
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love?
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Well, what I want to encourage you is
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that it's like those actually aren't contradictory.
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You can assert yourself and advocate for yourself
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and for others in order to try and
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get things to be more fair, more equitable,
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to work for change, whatever that might be
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in your workplace.
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And in the meantime, you can also cheerfully
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and generously give that second mile, right?
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You can work for change and you can
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give the thing that isn't even required of
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you.
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So there's not a contradiction there.
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The key thing is in your heart, are
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you letting your heart be gnawed at by
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resentment, or are you finding that capacity, like
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Jesus, to forgive the other person for the
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way that they're wronging you and then to
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give anyways?
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There's a deep freedom there when you turn
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the obligation into a gift.
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It's not incompatible with advocacy, with working towards
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justice, but it's about interior freedom.
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It means no matter how I'm treated, no
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matter what I have to do at work,
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I can always choose to be generous.
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I can always choose to love.
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So as you think about your get-to,
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have-to mix this week at work and
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you hit one of those have-to moments,
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just welcome the Holy Spirit and ask, Holy
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Spirit, how can I turn this around and
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make it a gift of love?
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The Lord will show you how and you'll
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experience deep freedom.
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Lord Jesus, thank you that you lead us
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into the way of freedom, that no one
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can take away the capacity you give us
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by your Spirit to love, that we can
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love even our enemies like you did, Lord
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Jesus.
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We pray that you would strengthen us in
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our discernment to know when to advocate for
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ourselves and others, and while we're doing that,
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to be free from resentment, to love with
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generosity, to turn things around.
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Thank you that you've turned things around for
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us.
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Do your work in us as we do
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our work with you.
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Thanks for listening.
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16:47
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16:50
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