Latest / INSPIRE STORY / #0201_ Please, Die Alone — Dark Humor, Society, Chaos & Unfiltered Stories

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#0201_ Please, Die Alone — Dark Humor, Society, Chaos & Unfiltered Stories · INSPIRE STORY

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I want to get in a beef with her. No,
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: I'm kidding. But here's the thing about Nicole, her daddy thing. Sure.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: God bless her.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Right. I won't say that.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: I don't know her. God bless her.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah. $ 60 million.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: They're not going to make that money back.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Absolutely not. No way. They won't make $ 6 million. To
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: be honest. The merch, which Barstool still owns, is what
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: drives the whole thing, I think. People buy the merch.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: That's the most profitable thing.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: I think the closest I would get to the Call
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: Her Daddy podcast would be a hat.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: That says, call her daddy. I'd wear that. You'd do that. Yeah,
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: but I'm not going to. I tried to listen to
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: an episode.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: What is it? Because I've never listened. But she's getting
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: 60 million. I made four seconds in. Really?
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: And I turned it on.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: I said, no.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: Was it that bad? Yeah, but it's not for me, though.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: Right. You know what I mean? You got to know
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: what's for you. But is it interesting? To me, it's like,
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: if it was just like, is it an exploration of
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: anal sex? Where you listen to it and you go,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: how do you take a big one without getting an
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: anal fissure?
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: They better fix those titles, man.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Right. Because I'm not having it. All right? Yeah. I
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: think the podcast money now is getting silly. Yeah. It's silly.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: This is Bitcoin. That's right. From like five, six years ago.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: It's getting silly. Yeah. And I think people are... I
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: think these companies are going to just eventually go, oh,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: we learned our lesson.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Oh, they're going to pull back hard. They're pulling back.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: Spotify likes Rogan.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Right. I don't know if they're in love with it.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: It's a solid, like, it's good. People are coming to
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: the platform. I've heard they don't like the ringer, the
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: Bill Simmons thing. They're not thrilled. Is that like a
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: sports thing? Yeah, it's a sports thing, and they gave
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: him $ 100 million. Yeah.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: They're just giving people.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: Pretend are they they're just are they is the money
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: even real or is they spotifying the money spotting the
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: money it's on loan yeah because i feel like i'm
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: gonna start a podcast i'm coming way too late yeah
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: i get a book of coupons.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah you're gonna get an iou from spotify i don't
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: it's it's weird it's too much money yeah people are
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: getting it i don't know yours is already on there
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: So what is the thing? Yeah.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: Do you just be like, do you walk in there
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: with like a black trench coat and a suitcase and
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: you're like, fill it with money or I take it
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: off Spotify?
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: No, they're not going to give us anything. What is Spotify?
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: What is their communication with us? You can be honest.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: We're not getting any money.
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: There's been no offer.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: But our agent lies. Like, he lies and says he's
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: getting us money.
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he says a deal might come through.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Our agent, they.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: Make stuff up.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, of course.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: And they tell you that there's a big deal coming.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: And it's just not true.
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, SiriusXM.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Sirius and all the, we're getting a deal. And
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: they'll call you up.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: They're like, there's a company called Clencher. Like, it's all
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: a fake thing. Like, it's a digital media content creator.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: And they're really interested.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: It's just a general name with the company?
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Bill Serious called.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: He wants to give you $ 250 million.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: How do you feel about $ 300 million?
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Now, you'll never see it because it's not real. But
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: just tell me how you feel about it. Do you
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: like the number? Yeah. I think they offered Rogan money,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: and he said no. And then when the pandemic hit,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: they're like, how about this? And he's like, okay, let's
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: do it.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: But does that mean you take your podcast off other platforms?
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: I don't know. What does that mean?
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: It did for him, right? Joe, you can't get anywhere
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: but Spotify.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Oh. Spotify exclusive. Call your daddy, I also believe.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: Exclusive.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Call your daddy. Call her daddy. Call her daddy. But
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: call your daddy is so much funnier. Call your daddy
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: is better. If it was a show where she had
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: to call her father and tell him all the things
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: she did sexually, I would really prefer that show.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you, now I'm listening. Now I'm in.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: She calls him up, and she's like, Dad? It's the
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: fourth episode. He's like, oh, my God. He knows she's calling.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: It starts with the ringing, and then it's just him
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: picking up that click in, and it goes.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: Now what? He's so dejected.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: And she's just like, well, you know, it's another episode
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: of Call Your Daddy.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: Hi, Daddy. And he's like, hey. And she goes, all right,
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: so I want to tell you this story. When I
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: was in Cancun, he's like, you just hear him like,
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: you just hear eyes clinking in his glass. He's like,
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Jesus fucking Christ. Episode eight, you hear the phone go
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: down and then a gunshot. Yeah.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: He just blows his brains out.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Call your daddy.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: But that one's exclusive, too.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: I think when they give you the big money, when
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: they roll out the biggins, Spotify's like, they can't find
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: this show. Right, yes. Other than that. If they find
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: this podcast anywhere but Spotify, we'll kill them. That's the
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: level of commitment. We'll kill your daddy? Yeah, we'll kill
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: your daddy.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: So those are the big deals they made.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: They made The Ringer. They made Rogan.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: They made Call Her Daddy.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: Dax Shepard's podcast.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: What did Dax Shepard get?
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: I read 60, but you never really know.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: What's his whole thing?
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: Positivity?
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: Isn't his biggest claim to fame being married to Kristen Bell?
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: I kind of believe it probably was, but now he's
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: got this massive show, and what is it?
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: It's Armchair Expert. But what is it?
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: So he's like a therapist to Paul Rudd and Seth
• 5:40
  Speaker 4: Rogen and all these people.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: Why? I'm curious. They're really rich and famous. So what's
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: the problem?
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't need someone rich to tell you that
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: you're rich still. I'm aware of it.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Right. The armchair is nice. Yeah.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: That's all it is. I can tell this is a
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: good armchair.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Thank you. What? I don't know anything about his podcast.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: I'm sure he's a good guy. I don't want to
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: find out a guy is pretending to be an expert
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: and getting paid $ 60 million for it. Because there's an
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: actual expert very upset.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah. How many experts that are actual experts have $ 0?
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Maybe Spotify could get some of them.
• 6:20
  Speaker 4: So the website says the Armchair Expert podcast celebrates the
• 6:24
  Speaker 4: messiness of being human.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, I can't. Do these windows open?
• 6:29
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Let me just jump out from here.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: Canal Aurora is with us, by the way. Follow Canal Aurora.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Give people your social media. It's alldaykca.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: Alldaykca. Is that everywhere?
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Is that on Twitter?
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: Everything.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: It's on Twitter. It's on QAnon.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: It's on Instagram.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: It's the website.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: It's everything.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: 4chan. Fundamentalist.com. I'm everywhere.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: Hilarious comedian. Started with me.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: We were like... I was going to say thugging it out.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: I don't know why we were not thugging it out.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: I was going to say we were thugging it out
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: at open mics. I'm thugging it out. Yeah. I don't
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: know what thugging it out means, but we were at
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: open mics in 2010. Yes.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: Late 2010.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Yes. I met you.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: I was doing my first set ever. Which I might
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: have done better than tonight.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: I'm kidding. I love New York. I was at a
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: coffee shop in Long Island called Wild Child.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: Slash tattoo parlor.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: Tattoo parlor. Yes, right. And you'd bomb and you'd hear
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: the needle buzz.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: You hear, whenever you bomb, it's just a guy going, ugh.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this guy. And they were all going to get their,
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: they'd get some chicks named tattooed on them. Right.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: That tattoo shop did a lot of.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Like, whatever, what is the term when you turn one
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: tattoo into another one?
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: A transformation?
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Maybe. I don't know. It was a lot of names
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: being changed. Yes. And dogs' faces.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: Because it was a lot of dogs. But I remember
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: there was always like a consultation.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah. We'd walk in and we'd see somebody and they'd
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: be like, okay, so here's what we could do. You
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: made a mistake. Here's what we could do. We could
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: turn your ex-girlfriend's name into R.I.P.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: And a nice 9-11. We could do like an R.I.P.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: To heroes with the towers.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: And they're like, okay. I constantly heard from those tattoo chairs,
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: you know this is permanent.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Now, you know this is permanent, right? You know you
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: can't walk in here tomorrow and get rid of this.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: And by the way, that was such a weird, eerie
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: thing for us to hear, doing stand-up comedy, because it's like, oh, fuck,
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: this is permanent. For a lot of us, it was permanent.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: And I was doing my set, and it was like, whatever, dumb.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: And Kunal had a little netbook. Yes. I remember this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: It was a little, like, a netbook. Right. And you were, like,
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: typing on it. And every now and then I would
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: say something funny and he'd go, huh. He'd have, like,
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: a little, he'd have, like, a little, like, huh. Yeah. Huh.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: And then I was, because I was a guy, I
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: wanted to, like, impress. And then... There was another guy
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: with a Scott who I didn't want to impress. Who
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: I love.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: He gave me a fake name the first time I
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: met him.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: What did he call you?
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: He's like, my name is Michael. And I was like,
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: I'm going to know this man for the rest of
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: my life.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: And I'm livid. Why did he do that? I don't know.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: He's just a weird... Scott's a weird guy. He's an
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: odd guy. He's a great guy. I love him, but
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: he's nuts. But I remember that. That was the beginning of...
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: And then we would go into the city and do...
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Stand-up comedy at these crazy places.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I started doing this thing called Trip Sunday.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: And you would take two comics. I would take two
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: comics with me. So it would be three comics, three mics,
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: one day. Basically 100 miles of driving.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: And it was usually me, you, Dennis, yeah.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah it would be i would alter it always switch
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: around switch yeah because sometimes you might be booked sometimes
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: sometimes you're like you know what man i don't want
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: to eat my fucking ass three days three three mics
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: in a row.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: That was a great day of comedy yes because it
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: was we did a A hipster Mike.
• 10:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: A black Mike.
• 10:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: And then a Long Island Mike. A club Mike. Sad Mike.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: It would always end good or bad at a pizza
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: shop across the street.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: Eating a couple slices.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: And one of the saddest moments, and I want to
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: let you tell the story because you remember exactly how
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: it happened. Right. Was the night you decided you had
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: to move into New York City.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: So we're doing, it's like another trip Sunday. I mean,
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: there's a hundred miles of driving.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: It's a lot. For one day. It's a lot. Yeah.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: Cause we would start in Long Island or I'd pick
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: you up.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: Yes. Or you'd come to my mom's place. Yes. And
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: then we shoot into the city. Yes. We do these mics.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: We're trying to figure out parking. trying to get to
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: these things and then shoot out to Long Island. And
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: not like a simple New Hyde Park.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: We're talking in there. Deep. Huntington.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: And it's not every day would everything work. In fact,
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: most of the times it wouldn't. You're just eating it
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: all day long. So this day, nobody's happy.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: We're in the car.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: We're now in deep Long Island, Huntington. We had bombed
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: at the hipster mic. Yes. Bombed in the black room. Yes.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: Now we're heading back home.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: And we're now at this mic in Huntington. It's a
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: second floor.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: It's this place. I think it was called Chesterfields. Yes. Yeah.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: And it was like, it had some history to it,
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: but nobody knows what.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: Nobody knows the history, but everyone always said, you know,
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: this place is known. I think they used to say
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: Eddie Murphy started here. Eddie Murphy started here, which no
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: one knew what that meant. I think Eddie Murphy took
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: the bus that passed by there. I still have no
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: idea what that meant. No clue. People would be like,
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: have some respect. Eddie Murphy started here. Yeah, but they
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: have a picture and it's a white guy named Eddie Murphy.
• 11:48
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, by the way, these are the most racist people
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: in America telling you that Eddie Murphy started there. I'm like,
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: you're an insanely racist person. Like, you know, they're just
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: taking pride in the accomplishments.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: Like, there's a picture of Eddie Murphy with his racial
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: epithets scrawled on the glass. Eddie Murphy started here. He
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: should have stayed here.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: It's like, okay.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: So we're sitting there, and I'm sitting next to you,
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: and we're just watching people go up. And then a
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: guy gets up and he is a Rodney Dangerfield impersonator.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: As to why you need to do Rodney's material at
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: an open mic?
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: Beyond me. It's already tried. He did it on Letterman.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: I mean, you know what I mean? He did it
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: on Carson.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: You're not working anything out.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It's like, why do you need to retry material
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: on Carson? Does I get no respect work? Yes.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: For your audience, it does.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: For whatever birthday party has hired you, yeah, this is
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: going to be fine. Who quality controls Rodney Dandruffield's material?
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: But the guy's up there. He's got the suit. He's
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: got the tie. He's shaking the tie. I got no respect.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: And then you hear somebody yell from offstage, what the fuck?
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: And we look over because we're like, this is an
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: open mic. Nobody should be heckling.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Right. It's mostly comics anyway. Yeah.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: And we look over and by the door is another
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: Rodney Dangerfield impersonator. dressed in a suit and red tie going,
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: you stole my act! In complete earnestness.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: Yes. No, to the extent to which this is not
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: a joke.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: That it was not, that no one appreciated this. in
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: any in a comedic way at all the what the
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: fuck was genuine yeah he was shaken to his core
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: he walked into a rodney he saw the other one
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: and was like what the fuck.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: And he goes he yells from off stage just because
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: i had a heart attack you think you can do
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: my act yes Which is Rodney's act. But whatever. And
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: I lean over to you and I just whisper, I'm
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: moving next week.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: I'm moving to the city.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: So first of all. One Rodney gets off.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: The next Rodney, then they let him go up right
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: after because he's upset.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: And he does look sick.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: He's older.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: He's pale.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: He had legitimately suffered a heart attack. He was in
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: recovery for a cardiac incident. It was not good. He
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: cuts the line. And he goes, this is how you
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: do it. And does more Rodney material. And then he
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: goes like this. He goes, I'm here. And he goes,
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: I'm recovering from a heart attack. He goes, I don't
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: know if I can still do this. And I just
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: want to try this out because it's the way I
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: make money. And I want to know if I can
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: still do it. So now it's like the added pressure
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: of like, And he wasn't that good. No, no. It
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: could barely tell it was Rodney.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you right now, doing a Rodney
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: Dangerfield impersonation, it's a young man's game.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: It's not. It's a young man's game. And by young man,
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: I mean 40s. Yeah, 45, Long Island. Yes, yeah. And
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: I was like, I got to go. And you were
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: the first amongst us to leave. Yeah, I lived in
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: an apartment in the East Village. Yes. In Alphabet City.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: Alphabet City. Yeah, CN9. And you were the first one.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: And I was so impressed. And everybody was like, fuck,
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: he's doing it. Yeah. He's actually doing it. Right. He's
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: actually leaving. He's not going to have pizza with us anymore. No, no.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: He's leaving. And then you moved right after.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: I moved pretty soon.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I moved pretty soon because I used
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: to hang out with you. Yes. And I'm like, man,
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: come on. This is better. Right.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: I just realized it was better. I'm like, this works.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is what we should have been doing. Because
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: it was easy.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: This is the thing. This is the trap. It's easy
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: to do open mics in Long Island because you drive around.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: To the thing.
• 16:11
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: You drive, you park your car.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: Yes. There's a parking lot. Yes. And you walk right in. Right.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: You do your set and then you leave.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: It's not like the city where you're on the subway.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: Someone is dancing in front of you.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: Yes. And you're like, I got to make these jokes work. Right.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: And then you go mic to mic to mic. It's
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: not like that.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: In Long Island, you're still the same person. Yeah. But
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: you're just doing comedy.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's it.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: That's the problem.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: You could still work at Verizon.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: And do your bullshit.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: Yes. So it's fine. When you make that sacrifice to
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: move into New York City, you're taking on a different identity.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: I had a conversation with some comics, and they were like, well,
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: what makes you a comic, a comedian?
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: And they were like, is it money? And I'm like, well,
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: I think that you've got to give up a certain amount.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: And that's what it is.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: You're right. Yeah.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: And a lot of these guys moved from other places
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: here to do comedy.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: It has to be... To me, when I look at it,
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's money. To me, it has to
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: be the organizing principle of your life. Yes.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: That's what I view it as.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Right. To be a real comedian.
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: To be somebody who does comedy, whatever.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: But if you're a comedian, to do it, it's got
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: to be the organizing principle of your life, meaning I'm
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: a comedian and these are the choices I made In
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: pursuit of that.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: You could make money and it can still not be
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: the organizing principle of your life. There are people that
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: we met in Long Island who were just like, yeah,
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: this is what I get paid to do this. And
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: you're like, people pay for this?
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: We always knew what we didn't want to be. Yeah.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: I think that's a great thing about starting in Long Island. Right.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: Listen, I went back to.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Long Island and I was at the diners there and
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: I was, you know, showing my friends there and I'm like.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: I'm really happy. And listen, I love Long Island.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I grew up there.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: But I'm really happy I got out of there.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, man. I'm really happy.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: And when you go back to those diners, they stink.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: They're horrible. Yeah, they're terrible. And you know what it is?
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: There's like four good diners in the entire Long Island.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think they all used to be better,
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: but now it's just... But you also look at the people. Right.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: And you look at everything and you go, you know what?
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: I'm glad my journey was out. Right. I'm glad my
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: journey was out of here. Absolutely. You know? Yeah. And
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that I won't eventually move back there
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: and get addicted to uphills.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: I thought we went to a Dar Williams concert together.
• 18:35
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: Dar Williams is a folk singer. Yeah.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: And you put me on to Dar Williams. And she's
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: not bad. I saw her YouTube live.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: Yes. During the pandemic. So many people right now are like,
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: they hate when they... when there's actually incontrovertible proof that
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: I suck dick. Yeah. And this is... They hate it.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: They're like... Because they can ignore it for so much
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: of the content. And then every now and then, they're like, fuck!
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: But not here. Not here. Not when Dar is mentioned.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Dar Williams, who's like a folk singer, who is like... She's... Northeastern. Yeah.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: Like, lives in like, you know, the Hudson River Valley.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: Yes. That's where we saw her.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we saw her. Purple Crayon was the venue.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: Purple Crayon. Yeah. She's, you know, she's always trying to
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: like spring terrorists from jail. I respect that. She was
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: like banging a tambourine outside like, you know, some terrorist
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: fucking thing. Yeah. How was the YouTube? It was good.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: It was great. It was fun.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: It was like, you know, we're in the pandemic. We
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: were during the pandemic.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: It was like, what else am I going to do?
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: I got a little upset with her because the last
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: time I saw her in Brooklyn, she started bringing out
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: a bunch of other people.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: She brought out a poet. I don't want that.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: No, no, no.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: She started bringing out people, and I started going, hey, man,
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: do the hour.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: Right. do the hour she just this is the pandemic
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: so nobody's visiting good and i was like this is
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: perfect you gotta do the work yeah like she'd bring
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: out a poet and then somebody did a poem and
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: then she like brought like someone from the neighborhood up
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: in Brooklyn and do something.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: I don't care about your gardening issues.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, right. It was kind of like that. It was
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: kind of like, and somebody was talking about like voting
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: for like, It's voting for like a council woman. I'm like, Hey,
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: and everything was like, I'm just like, at least play
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: guitar in the background. Yeah. Doing that.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: It's like, if I came on this podcast and talked
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: about a leaky fire hydrant, I got to tell you
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: guys what really matters here. Like I'll do it on
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: my personal time.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: Right. Make it the show. Yeah.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: Don't make it the fucking show.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: Right. Sheath underwear.com. It's the best underwear and we support them.
• 20:42
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• 20:51
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  Speaker 1: That hasn't been proven. If it was proven that he
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• 27:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I understand.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. I had to lose you to love me.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, that's that song you always listen to.
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  Speaker 2: I don't think it's a song.
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  Speaker 1: I think it's a way of life. It's Selena Gomez.
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  Speaker 3: That's right. That's who it is.
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  Speaker 1: I don't always listen to it, but I listen to
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  Speaker 3: Cruel Summer, yeah.
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• 28:02
  Speaker 2: What have you liked? You were in New York for
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: the entire pandemic.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: And that's a lot of people left.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: A lot of people left. People went home. They went
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: back to their, you know, the cities that they came from, comics.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: Do you judge that?
• 28:18
  Speaker 5: No.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: Okay. No. It's like, good. Good. Yeah.
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: Go home.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: You need this. Mentally, you need this. Yes. They're unwell. Yeah.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: They've been here too long. Yes.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: This is the same thing I'll get. This is what
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: I said about when you start here, right? When you
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: start here, what really sucks is that when you start in,
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: I don't know, Chicago, and you come to New York,
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: you come to New York, and then you sharpen your teeth,
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: you go back to Chicago, you murder.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: Your self-esteem chips are filled.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: And now it's like, oh, I feel ready to go
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: back into that muck that's the city.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Yes. When you start in New.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: York City, there's no place to collect self-esteem.
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: No.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: So a lot of these people.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: Are long overdue. For a little hit. They're a little hit.
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: They're a little hit of self-esteem. Yeah. They need it back.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: A home-cooked meal.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: Yes. Something. Someone to hug them. I think it was
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: good for a lot of people to go and reconnect
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: with family. Right. And maybe they needed to reconnect with
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: who they were before they moved to places like New York.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: Or their original psychiatrist.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: Yes, or the original person that knows how to help you. Right, exactly.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: You were long overdue for these antidepressants.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: It's fucking, it's wild to think about who we all
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: were like before we knew that this could happen.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: And then now having this fucking think about death in
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: a real way. Yeah, absolutely. In an actual real way. Like, yeah,
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: this ends. And we don't know when. Right. Could be
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: sooner than not. Like, you know, I remember like, you know,
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: like comorbidities when that starts, you know, which is, you know,
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: you know, fat, you know, I just remember like when
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: they started talking about comorbidities, morbidities, I was like, you know,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: I just get nervous. I'm like, what is, what are
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: these comorbidities? And, and, and, and I don't have diabetes
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: or anything like that, but they're like, fat's a big one.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah. There was a big, there was a comic on
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: the bigger side.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: Who was, he died. Yeah.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: COVID. This guy, Kenny Ortega, big guy, funny dude, funny guy.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: Could kill in pretty much any room.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: And unfortunately passed away.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: Got COVID, passed away.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: And that's the thing. Like you start thinking about, I'm like, fuck.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, I don't have diabetes. Right. I'm like,
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: but I fucking smoke. I don't, I'm not smoking now,
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: but I'm like. And then you have the weight. Right.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: And then I'm 36.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: Right. I'm like, I'm not.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: And they're like, you know, I'd always look at that chart.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: We're like, well. One of the brackets of your age?
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the brackets.
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: I'm like, well, people in their 30s. But I'm like,
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: I'm 36.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And it's, you know, and I was an alcoholic
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: and a drug addict for a decade. Over a decade.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: Well over a decade.
• 31:16
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: From 13... to 25.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: About 12 years.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: And you go, yeah, I don't know that I want
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: to go to the dance with this. Stay home. Yeah.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: And a lot of people went home, they went back
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: to their family, and I don't judge them for it.
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: Go for it. Do that. And also, it's your family.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: You don't even know if they're going to live.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: You don't know if your parents are going to live,
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: so you're going to sit there and, what, tough it
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: out in New York City?
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: Right. That's insane behavior. I know a lot of people
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: that went, back home to me for me there's no
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: home to go that's and there hasn't been a home
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: to go forever right there right yeah and um i
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: guess i could have went home right but i mean
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: i live with my girlfriend right no yeah you have
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: a life yeah i have a certain age yeah yeah
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: where it's harder to do that right it's harder to
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: do that my father and his wife would have been
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: like please die alone.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: Like, they would have been like, please, like, die.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: Like, have the decency. Right. After all the shit you've
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: talked about us. After all the money you've made, like,
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: dragging our names through the mud. Please do not come
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: back here to die. Like, I mean, do I want
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: to die there? Do I want to die there with
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: my stepmother rolling her eyes? No.
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: Rolling her eyes at me? Nobody wants to be dying
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: and having somebody give you a shady look. Yeah. Nobody
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: wants a dirty look.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: Like, not so funny now, are you, fat ass? And
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: I'm just like. My last few actions would be to
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: cough on you.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, so there was nowhere else. But
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: then you start thinking about, I'm like, if I die,
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: these were dark thoughts, like you have a girlfriend, I'm single.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, I guess I could call one of these
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: guys in their early 20s that I've fucked because they
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: like hotel rooms and sneakers and go, hey, would you
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: want to sit by my bedside while I die?
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: It's such a weird fucking sugar daddy request.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: I'm like, hey.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: No, they'll straight up be like, am I in a
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: will or something? I'll have to like, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: But it's fucked, right? Because I've been, you don't have much.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: I have this career. Right. I have the career.
• 33:26
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: That's what I have. And the career is good. But
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: the career is the least, the last thing you want.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: If you're dying.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: But when there's no opportunities, the career is the first
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: thing you want.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: The career is what you want.
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: It's either first or last in a lot of places.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. It's weird to think about because I had
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: those thoughts. I had those thoughts. I was on the
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: road during the pandemic when cases would drop. Well, they
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: would drop like last summer. People were like, it's over.
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, all right. You get a few shows
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: in and then we're like, it ain't over.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Cases went up, and then we'd back off
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: the road. But I was out on the road. My
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: opener was like 24, 25. He's fine.
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: He was young.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's not going to. And his whole thing was
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: he's like, no one's fucking anymore, and I can't go
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: out to bars.
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: And my whole thing in my head, I'm like, I'm
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: going to die alone. Yeah.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm like, well, I
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: understand that. He's like, yeah, the fucking bars. These chicks
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: on Tinder, they're weird because of the pandemic. I'm like.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: Understood.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: Right. But also, I'm going to die here alone.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: But to what he's saying, not being able to go
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: out to the bars and these restaurants closing, some of
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: them had to go.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: Some of these restaurants had to go. It's just like
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: a friend said that they can use COVID as an
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: excuse to close up, but some of them Good. I'm
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: happy your dream was crushed.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: Some of them need to go. I didn't need to
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: eat at your shitty burger restaurant that people showed up to.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: It had horrible brunch.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: And it's like people were like, oh, this is no good.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: Right. Board up the walls. Yeah.
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: I'm happy.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: Good.
• 35:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: You know what? I hope somebody, I don't want to
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: say death, but I just hope someone was affected because
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: I don't want it coming back. I want a little
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: lung scar. I don't want someone sponsoring this place.
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: I don't want a GoFundMe appearing.
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: None of this. I hope you realize your life shouldn't
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: be dedicated to sriracha aioli.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: Get out of my life. There are necessary changes. You're
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: jarring things? No, you're jarring.
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: You annoy me. Do you think differently now about anything?
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: I mean, right now, this is the thing. You said something.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: I heard you on some... You were saying that New
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: York City is frightening to some capacity.
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: When you were here briefly.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: Probably. There was... It was.
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: We were in.
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: Times Square late at night.
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: That's what I wanted to do.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: I wanted to bring that up. Yes.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: Because a lot of, you know, you said that a
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: lot about, and, you know, people think Times Square is
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: just all of New York City.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: But you're right. Times Square. At first, when I heard
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: you say that, I was like, man, Tim, he's going
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: a little too much.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: And then I went to Times Square.
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, this place is haunting.
• 36:26
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: No, it was a little weird. Yeah. I mean, it is. Listen,
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: still the greatest city in the world. Sure.
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: But I always got to be honest. I mean, I've
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: never been to Tokyo.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: It was. Who knows? Sure.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: Well, it threw me a little bit.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: Because I said, this is, you know.
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: It's scary. Yeah. It was scary. You could hear... Here's
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: the thing.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: When I think I'm going to get raped, it's not good.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: When someone may rape me as a goof, it's.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: Not even sexual at that point. It's just something to do.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: You could hear a syringe fall. Yes.
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: And that's when it's terrifying. That's when it's terrifying. So
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: it was certain parts of New York City were scary.
• 37:10
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: Were very scary. Yes. Where I live was fine. It
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: was not a big deal. I would say that living
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: through the pandemic, what did it teach me?
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: What did I walk away with? Go hard. Yeah. If
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: you're coming back. Yeah.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: Gather all the self-esteem, leave your stupid clothes at home,
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: and just bring all that in and go as hard
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: as possible. I lived through it here, I'm fine. And
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: I was cautious. And the subways are not so bad now.
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: And I think because people are, I think because there's
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: more people out, which means that more money is trickling
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: down to the homeless.
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: And the crazies. And that is better for the city.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: Because the thing is, before, there weren't enough people on
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: the subway.
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: These homeless people are now starving. Right. And nobody's looking.
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: And the few, like, subway cars, if you had, like,
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: one or two people filled in it, right?
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: Right. No one's going to give you money. Right.
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: Percentages drop dramatically. But when you got, like, a decently
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: filled subway car, you get a couple dollars.
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: And that's okay. Right.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: So now that the city's bouncing back, I think homeless
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: people and people that are on the streets are less aggressive.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: It's so funny to say this because I grew up here.
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: I grew up on Long Island.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: I lived here for years. And when I come back here,
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: I love being here. I don't feel like it's home.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: I've gone too far off the reservation. Yeah. No, this
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: isn't a home to you. Yeah. Look at where we're at. Yeah. Yeah.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm like gone from here. I'm softer now.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Like I'm not as hard. Like, you know, the
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: whole New York hard, like fuck it. Right.
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: I don't give a shit.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: Somebody's bleeding on the subway. I think that's cool.
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: I think it's cool when kids get shot.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: It's gritty. Fuck yeah. New York to a dot. I'm
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: just not like, none of that makes any sense to
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: me anymore.
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: As I get older, I start going, it's nonsensical.
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: You know what I realized?
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: My thing is, I don't want to be New York tough.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: I want to be Midwest considerate. Those people treat each
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: other relatively well. I remember being in Chicago the first time,
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: and that's not even Chicago. People from the Midwest don't
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: even consider that a real taste of the Midwest. Right.
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: Some woman, I was talking to a buddy, and I
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: was like, I've got to find a chase. atm and
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: some woman pops up out of nowhere well if you
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: go and.
• 39:40
  Speaker 5: Go who are you yeah i almost flipped out on
• 39:43
  Speaker 5: yeah and i go this is not a right way
• 39:45
  Speaker 5: to act yeah you know i mean the city does
• 39:48
  Speaker 5: something to you yeah and and i think that's good
• 39:52
  Speaker 5: yes and i think the great innovations and the great
• 39:55
  Speaker 5: you know things that we've learned to appreciate whether it's
• 39:59
  Speaker 5: in the realm of art wherever right come from being
• 40:03
  Speaker 5: shaken out of your comfort zone.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: Yes. And being willing to shake yourself out of your
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: comfort zone. Right. But I do think there is also
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: some value to not losing yourself in this city. No.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: And I know a lot of people who I love
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: and whom I have great respect for who I feel like,
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: you know, when New Yorkers, I used to think New
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: Yorkers were the worldliest people in the world. No. And now, like, when, like,
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: New Yorkers leave New York, and they're like, I remember
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: going to New Orleans with Giannis and Sam Murill, and
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: they were like, why can't you get a slice of.
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: Why can't you get a turkey sandwich?
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: I'm going, guys, there's a food here that doesn't exist
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: anywhere else. Creole food doesn't really exist anywhere else in America.
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: It's this amazing fusion of French, Caribbean, Haitian, all this stuff.
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: And it's only here. Why are we talking about turkey
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: sandwiches here?
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: But they never stop. It's a common New York thing
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: to walk into a place that's not New York City
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: and then immediately compare it to something that's New York City.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: And then to be a complete piece of shit about it.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It's like, oh, wait, wait, wait.
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: Creole job.
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: You mean this is like halal guys? Yeah. Right? Right, right. Yeah.
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: It's like a French halal guy.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: It's like, no, it's not.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I used to do that all the time. When
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: Ben met me, I used to do that all the time.
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: And I still do it. I still do it a
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: little bit. I still find myself doing it.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: But I catch myself. Yeah, or like Cafe Du Monde.
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: You take New Yorkers there and they'll be like, Zeppelis.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: No, no, no.
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: This is like bagels thrown in a deep fryer.
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: It's not. It's not that at all. It's not just
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: appreciate something that's not. And I've just gotten to the
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: point now where I love it. I come back here,
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: I feel like, I'm on a vacation. Yes. And I've
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: surrendered to Los Angeles, for good or ill. Yes. I've surrendered.
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: You called me? I've surrendered.
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: And first of all, I saw like a 310 number.
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I can give that.
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: It's zip codes.
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: It's fine.
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah. They'll find it. Yeah. They'll eventually get it. It's fine. Yeah.
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: And I got two numbers from that, and I was like,
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: someone really wants to spam me on some bullshit.
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: Someone wants to tell me my warranty's overdue.
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And then it was you.
• 42:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, shit. But I do want
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: to also tell you that you have been selected by Marriott.
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: It's funny that you mention.
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: That because you have been selected as well.
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: I thought when you were like, I'm staying here, I
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: sent you the wrong hotel.
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. When you sent me, I was like, I just,
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: I don't know. When I went out there, I was,
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: I think, I didn't know if I was done. You
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: found your place there. Yes. You were doing well here. Yes.
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: You were, everything was going, was clicking in place for you.
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: The shows were moving. What's it called?
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: You got, there was like things that you were getting.
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: Montreal, whatever, the comics to watch.
• 42:55
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: But I still felt like there was something missing.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: And then when you went out there, it's just like
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: you figured that out.
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: Well, I figured it out, I hope. And I figured
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: it out with this kid's help. Right. And we figured
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: it out in a garage.
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: I'm going to have to kidnap him on the way out.
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: You should.
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: He's amazing.
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: We figured it out in a garage. I hope you're
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: ready to start over.
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah. By the way, he always is. There were others
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: before me. They just weren't funny. Some of them look
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: like me.
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: He's got a little bit of a chubby Irish fetish. Anyway,
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: not going to name names.
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: COVID took most of them out. COVID took most of them. No,
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: it's shockingly, nobody who deserved to die of COVID did.
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: But there was real moments of like, fuck, you know.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: And as I get older now, I think just more
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: about like, yeah, we all got to plant the flag
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: eventually and try to find or create some type of home.
• 43:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: And I think I have to do it in Los Angeles.
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: Right. You know? Right.
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: It's not Austin.
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: It's not Austin, Texas.
• 43:59
  Speaker 5: No.
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: We tried. Yeah.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: Four months.
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: Gave it a shot. I knew this is the thing. I,
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: I was, uh, after my set, I had to leave.
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: I had to do, I had to do a show and, and,
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: you know, a specialty cheese shop and a milk bar.
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: So I'm right as I'm walking out, you're talking about, uh,
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: how Austin's got like things that Austin has that New
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: York doesn't.
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: And I go, as soon as I heard you phrase
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: it that way, I go, he's done with Austin.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah. Yeah. Cause you're only throwing it in New
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: Yorkers faces. Yeah.
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: Cause it's enjoyable.
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: Yes. Cause it's fun. Yeah.
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: It's just fun. It's fun to tell New York they suck.
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: And everyone knows I hate Austin.
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: And the thing about Austin.
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: Is it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: a C list.
• 44:40
  Speaker 4: Town.
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: And that's really what it is.
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: Across the board. It's not about anything specifically.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: Across the board, it is not where the best and
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: the brightest go. No. It is where the dullest go. Historically.
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: The best of the dullest. Yeah, the best of the dullest.
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: And I just got to go. And I love Joe and,
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: you know, I'll work his club, you know, when it
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: opens or whatever. I'm just... I think it's a horrible place.
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: And I wish nothing but pain for everyone there. I mean, truly.
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: And I've been kind of honest about that.
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: Right. But, you know... But I've realized during this pandemic that, like,
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: life is short. Yes. Life is short. Right. And you can't...
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: I was... You know, a lot of your life, you
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: spend bullshitting. Yes. Yourself. Right. And others. And you have to.
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: Because a lot of your life is like, you know...
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: you're fighting with your own insecurity. You're fighting with your
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: own sense of self-worth. And you gotta build yourself up.
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: Then you knock yourself down. And you try to get
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: to this stasis where you're just like, okay, I'm great.
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: I'm not a king and I'm not The worst person
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: that's ever lived.
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: And that's hard for comics.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Because every day we're like, it's tough. You wake
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: up and it's a different feeling. Yes.
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: Or you do a set and it's a different feeling.
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: Totally different. You leave and you're like, I'm the king
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: of the world. I walked out tonight.
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: Tonight was a fine show.
• 46:04
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• 46:10
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• 46:14
  Speaker 1: is very tied into... how this goes. That's not right.
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: I'm too old for that. Here's what I started to realize.
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: I'm actually too old for it. No, as somebody older,
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: you are. It's too much.
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: It doesn't matter how the sets go. You just walk away.
• 46:34
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• 46:36
  Speaker 2: my girlfriend, I'm doing your podcast. She's like, oh, this
• 46:38
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• 46:39
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• 48:16
  Speaker 1: Because what they are is you get a box, and
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  Speaker 3: It had a little sheath for it, too.
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: A little sheath for the knife. I like knives. Do
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• 48:38
  Speaker 3: I do, actually. I like pocket knives. I have a K-Bar.
• 48:44
  Speaker 3: It's the one that Marines use.
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  Speaker 1: Bespoke Post is great because you can get cool stuff
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  Speaker 3: They have some cool breezy summer styles. They have some
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  Speaker 1: What about the... knife?
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: Well, if that's your thing, by all means, do that.
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  Speaker 1: I don't really want a summer style. I want a knife.
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: I want a sharp knife.
• 49:32
  Speaker 4: So you want the outdoor gear. I'm more of like,
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• 50:44
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm happy to talk to you. We haven't spoken
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: in a long time.
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: I think what makes podcasts good is that I have
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: genuine interest in what you have to say. Right. And
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: I don't have a lot of guests on the show
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: because I don't have genuine interest in what a lot
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: of people have to say. Right.
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: But you were the first friend I had in comedy.
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: Yes. Truly. Yeah.
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: And you're not white.
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: I want to say that because I always get accused
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: of racism. I'm like, everybody's, you know.
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: Am I like Tony Woods to your Dave Chappelle? You
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: are here to- I'm going to be on They Ready
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: this next season. You are here to counter a narrative.
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: You're countering a narrative. No, but, and you were the
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: first dude who loved comedy.
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That I really became friends with who loved comedy.
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: And we had a lot of other friends. We knew
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: a lot of other people. And their relationship with comedy
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: is what it is. But you were the first person
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: where I was like, this guy loves comedy. He cares
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: about it. You cared so much about it. And you
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: wanted it to be... I remember we would be at
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: your house. And your mom would make us dinner. Yeah.
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: And really good dinner. Oh, my God. Like butter chicken.
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: These really good Indian dishes.
• 51:58
  Speaker 2: She's retired, but I want to chain her to a kitchen.
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: You've got to get her back. I want to open
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: a restaurant and open up those closed burger shacks and
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: have her do her own thing. It was so good. Yeah.
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: And I remember we would talk. And that's back in
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: the era when like... we were just coming into the
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: city as, like, these Long Island guys. Yeah, they would
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: always be... Yeah. They'd always, like, look down on you.
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: Of course. Yeah. For good reason. Yeah, it's fair. It's fair.
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: It didn't help that we ran in and be like,
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: you know Eddie Murphy?
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It didn't help that we're like, we're basically like
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: Eddie Murphy. Right, right, right. You're Eddie Murphy, right?
• 52:34
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'd call myself Eddie Murphy. You'd call yourself
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: Kevin James. Yeah.
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: So just... It didn't work, but no, that was the
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: era when we were starting shows. Yes. We wanted to
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: be taken seriously. Right. And this was the era we
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: were in our mid-20s, and we were like, we are choosing,
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: this is our life now. Yes.
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: And that was, and I'm so far away from that now.
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: It's so weird. Yes. And I've moved three steps from that.
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: You as well.
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: You're older.
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: You have a girlfriend.
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: You're mature. You've lived this life.
• 53:11
  Speaker 2: I mean, how awful would it be if you come
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: back here and I'm still like, got to get a
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: 12 o'clock midnight mic in.
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. That would be great. Crazy.
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: I would hope you'd come here to kill me. That
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: would be crazy. Yeah, strangle me with this mic cord
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: if I didn't find some semblance.
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: Yes. Well, no, you love, this is what you love,
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: like comedy something.
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: I've never loved anything else.
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: That wasn't like a person.
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: Other than the girlfriend.
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: Other than, yeah, yeah, yeah, and the dog, yeah, sure.
• 53:38
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: But I mean, as like a thing.
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: I never loved a thing. I didn't know you could
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: do this as a thing. Right. I would, you know,
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: the first time I watched, I remember watching SNL. Recently?
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: No, no, no. This was on Kevin Nealon. He was
• 53:57
  Speaker 2: doing the weekend update. But comedy to me, like being
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: Indian and like we didn't see any of this shit.
• 54:03
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: I thought Kevin Nealon was legitimately trying to get fired from.
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: His news job. Yeah. I'm like, this guy is going
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: to get fired. Yeah. He's making fun of the news. Yeah.
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: And then I realized, oh, this is a comedy show? Oh, yeah.
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: You can do this? Yeah.
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: And then I'd see people on TV telling jokes.
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: You can actually do this? And watching that and still
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: being– no this is not even possible yeah and then
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: then getting able to do it right and then for
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: me that goes i would never want to stop this
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: right any which way now what why do you think
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: there are less immigrant uh you know like the immigrant
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: story doesn't usually involve comedy. Yeah, because I... And of
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: course not, because, I mean, imagine if everyone's parents and
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: grandparents got here and said, I want to be a clown.
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: I mean, it would be crazy.
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: They would turn the ships back.
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: Right, yeah. No, absolutely.
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: They would drive the ship into the Statue of Liberty.
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: I remember white people are so kind of out of
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: it and don't really care about their children that when
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: we all said we're going to be comedians, our parents
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: were like, hey, great, as long as it doesn't involve us. Yeah.
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: My dad's like, as long as you're old enough now,
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: I don't have to drive you to the comedy, right?
• 55:17
  Speaker 2: The reason why immigrants are worried when their kids do this. Yeah,
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: it's because the reason why it happens or doesn't happen
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: is because your parents either beat you hard enough to
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: talk you out of it.
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: Or didn't beat you enough.
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: And then you end up doing it.
• 55:33
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: And then quitting and then going, I'm going to do
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: a real thing.
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 55:36
  Speaker 2: And I get it.
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Shit, I get it. My brother's a doctor. Right.
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: First one in my family. Yeah.
• 55:43
  Speaker 2: Is it harder?
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: Because to me, I think it's... Is it.
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: At a certain point, you stop explaining.
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: Right. And you can just... You go, people don't have
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: to understand your life decisions. Yeah. That, to me, is
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: the big thing. Right. That if there's one thing that
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: I think the generation under us... It's not the PC
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: or the whatever and all the fighting. I don't even
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: get on them, but yes, they're a little ridiculous about that.
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: But the main thing, maybe this ties into that or not,
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I would say you don't have to
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: win everyone.
• 56:23
  Speaker 5: No.
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: I see people out there, whether it's their family, their friends,
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: their community, they need everyone that they've ever met to
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: agree with them or to love them. That is a
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: real recipe for health. As a non-binary, bipoxist, gender... I'm
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: going to throw all the adjectives in front of my...
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: You don't just need to win enough people. Yes.
• 56:46
  Speaker 2: You don't need to win everybody.
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: And it's great that way.
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: Yes. And it's okay. There's always people on my show
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: that shouldn't be. Absolutely. There's always people in the audience,
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: some of them women, who don't... Who aren't... It's not
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: for them. Right.
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: And that's okay.
• 57:02
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 57:03
  Speaker 2: Go watch a Bachelor recap. And there's nothing wrong with that.
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It's like, I just... We are... I think that's
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: one thing I've learned as I get older, is that...
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: I don't care who likes gay people. I don't care
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: who likes me. I don't care who thinks I'm funny.
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: Outside of the people who already think I'm funny. I
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: want you to think I'm funny. I'm going to work
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: my ass off to hopefully have you think that. I
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: want you to think I'm a decent person. I don't
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: need you to think I'm a great person. I'd like
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: you to think I'm smart. I don't need you to
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: think I'm, I don't want you to think I'm a genius.
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: I don't think I'm a genius, but I've also learned
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: to take the foot off the gas with that stuff
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: because I think that's the stuff.
• 57:47
  Speaker 2: When you first started, that was a big deal to you.
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: Huge. It was a big deal. Huge. Yeah. You wanted
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: people to know. Yes. Everything.
• 57:54
  Speaker 2: And like, this is my journey.
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: This is my ride. And this is the thing.
• 57:58
  Speaker 2: Some people, that's not their bus.
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they don't give a shit.
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: Absolutely. They just want the yucks. Yes. Give them the yucks. Yes.
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: That's it. Yeah.
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: When I first started, I thought.
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: That we all, our job was to inflict ourselves on
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: people that To a point where they just said, okay. Yeah.
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: All right. Right. And part of that, I've now learned
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: that that is a colossal waste of time. Yeah. Personally
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: and professionally. Yeah.
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: You know what made me realize that was when I
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: was on the subway.
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: And I saw some guy like singing.
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It was awful. Yeah. Off key.
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: Terrible.
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: Some people enjoyed it. Right. Right. And I'm like, I
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: guess that's for you. Yes. And there were a bunch
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: of other people who were like, get this guy off
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: the fucking train. Throw him under the train. Right.
• 59:03
  Speaker 2: That's how some guy felt like he put on his
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: headphones and he was ready to fight the guy.
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: And I was just like, so that's what it is.
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: yeah and that's okay yeah who you get you get
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: and then you move on.
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: I think that's the way the way that one thing
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: that I think younger people don't seem to have a
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: grasp of yet yeah is that you can waste a
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: lot of time trying to win yeah.
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: I can't find uh like my audience is not going
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: to be indian people right i mean you know this
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: right i can't do my audience is not gay people
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: yeah right yeah like i've done i'll get hired for
• 59:38
  Speaker 2: indian gigs right i talk them out of it right
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: i'm like you know what's a great idea i Talking
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: to each other.
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah. How about that? Right.
• 59:45
  Speaker 2: How about saving money?
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: Why do you think it is that you have a
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: similar relationship with Indians that I have with gays? In
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: terms of our comedy, we're not the star of our community. No.
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: Not that that's a good or bad thing.
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 2: Why are we not the stars of our community?
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: Why are we not drenched in our community?
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: I think because we were meant to look at it differently.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: Right. And that's the only thing I can come up with. Yeah.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: You just got to... You were meant to see it
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: from a different perspective.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 2: To give you an angle that, hey, guess what? Not
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 2: all Indians are doctors, lawyers.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 2: They're guys who sound like mechanics.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 4: You know?
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 2: So it's like, you got to deal with this.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 2: Or like, if you're gay, it's like, this is not what.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 2: It comes in so many other different ways.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: Packages. Right. It's strange. And you'd think that... The people
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: whose job it is to make sure that things are
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: interesting out there in entertainment, we value that.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they don't. They want to fill the protocol.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 2: It's like, okay, cool. We'll hire the Indian guy because
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 2: it looks good.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 2: But to me, the bigger deal is when you have
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 2: the Indian guy in central Pennsylvania.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 2: That's a bigger deal to me.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 2: You put the gay guy in Long Island to headline
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 2: the clubs.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: Because guess what?
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: He gets the work done.
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 2: That to me is a major, that's important. That's a
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: bigger deal. That shifts the needle.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 2: Not the place, not the channel that goes, we have
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 2: an obligation to hire somebody who is, who's Indian, who gay, whatever.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 2: It's to me, it's the place that's deep seated than
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 2: Elks Lodge.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Who goes, you know what? Let's get this Indian
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: guy in here. Yeah.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 2: And not because it's the good thing to do. Because
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 2: we love this guy. Because he's funny.
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: He's funny.
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 2: Because he's going to entertain the shit out of us.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I think was more important.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: Because that's at the bottom line, at the end of
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: the day, that's our entire life. And that's what shifts everything. Right.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: To be honest, that's what changes people's perspective.
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 2: You know how many times there's people, they'll come up
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: to me like... You know, I didn't think a Hindi
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 2: comic could be this funny. Right.
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 1: And I go... I love that they use Hindi comic. Yeah.
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, I don't even know how to respond
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: to that.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: Right. Buy the album, though.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: I take Venmo. Yeah. Venmo me. Yeah. What do you
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 1: think is the... Do you ever see yourself outside of
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: the city?
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 2: That's another thing that I've been wrestling with is like,
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 2: can I live elsewhere? I see somebody like, you know,
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: you go to like Los Angeles. I've seen a bunch
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: of the New York comics go to L.A.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 2: And some, you know, you had heat going out.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And a lot of them didn't. Yeah.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 2: But they still seem pretty happy out there.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: It's an adjustment. Yeah. And I didn't think it's possible. Right.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 2: Because I had that same mentality where I go, well,
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: what if I need to get.
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: What if I need a Slim Jim at 2.30 in
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 2: the morning? Yeah, where will I find it? Yeah, how
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 2: about not have one?
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah. How about it's okay? It's weird because so much
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: of our lives are this... shitty career.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: And even though it's a good career and I've done
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 2: great things in it and.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: You have and we've all enjoyed it and this is
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: why we exist.
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 2: It's still shitty. CBS bull. I've done good things.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: You have.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 2: Have you seen me on Little Voices on Apple Plus?
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: I don't have Apple Plus. I will watch that. Listen,
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: if you just use the free trial membership, it's a.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 2: Good time to do it.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: I think Kathy Griffin, who I'm sure doesn't love me
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: if she knows who I am, but I will quote
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: her and say, The only award in comedy is to
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: say you're still doing it. Yes, that's it. The only
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: award that a comedian will ever get Is to say
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: they're still doing it. Right.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 2: I remember you used to quote Joan Rivers. It's about
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 2: who can stand in the rain the longest.
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, man. Yeah. And that's probably true. Yes. And
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: the problem is I think a lot of people now
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: aren't there standing, but it's not in the rain. They
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: think they're in the rain?
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 4: No.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah. They're like looking. It's like a gray day and
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: they're like, this seems like rain. I'm like, yeah, I
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: don't know.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 2: I remember a Facebook memory popped up and I saw
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 2: an old show flyer.
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: From seven years ago.
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: And I just go, and I'm looking at some of
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 2: these people.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: A lot of them quit. They all quit. Yeah, a
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: lot of them. Everyone quits. Riders. Now, some of them
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: are riders. Some of them are riders. So they're not
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: going to do this.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah. They're not going to get on stage. They're like,
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 2: why would I?
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: Right. I collect $ 1, 500 a week. Yeah, right. I'm not
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: going to show up. Right. And, you know. That was
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: never the life for you or me. No. It was
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: too much. Too much felt like a day job. Yeah,
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: I can't do that. Yeah.
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 2: I had a gig where I had to go there
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: once a month. To help write bits.
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 2: For the radio.
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 1: And what happened?
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 2: And every day, and it'd be like, okay, cool. It's
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: 150 bucks.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: Right. And, but I would dread the entire time. Horrible.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: The day before I go, I gotta get up.
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I gotta go in there. I gotta talk to people. Yeah.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: I gotta sit here and be like, this is a
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: good jingle.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: No, no. Yeah. Throw me off the building. Yeah. I
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: can't do this nonsense. We gotta do it the way,
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 1: like on our own terms.
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: And that's the thing that, That I figured out how
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: to do. I think that's the biggest thing that I
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 1: figured out how to do was that I didn't need
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: the people that I thought I needed.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 4: No.
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: That's the real shock. Yeah, man, you figured that shit out. Yeah.
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: Real well. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's part of
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: it is like you... Depending on the type of person
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: you are. Right. Like coming out of the closet, I think,
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: is part of it. Because years and years ago, when
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: I came out of the closet, I'm like, well, maybe
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 1: my friends won't like me anymore. But who cares? No,
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: doesn't matter. You know what I mean?
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 1: And I think every decision I've made in my life
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: has kind of been a little similar where I go, yeah,
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: I might lose people by moving to LA. People might
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 1: not think I'm a serious comic or they might not
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: like it. Or maybe if I do this video and
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: I put a wig on, people are going to think
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: I'm an idiot. And they're going to be like, that's
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: not the right way to do it. You should be
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: the comedy seller. You should be here. You should be there.
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 1: And maybe if I do Logan Paul's podcast, people are
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 1: going to think I'm a sellout or a piece of
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: shit or whatever. And every time I have one of
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 1: those decisions, I go, yeah, but fuck them. Right. That's
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: really the reality. Yeah, but fuck them. Okay. You know?
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 2: And I think that... that's the thing.
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: That I would probably say has been the best guiding thing.
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: I'm going to leave here and steal a car. I mean,
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: there's plenty of stuff in the hotel to steal. I mean,
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: I've taken a few things already.
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 2: You don't have to steal anything from outside. You can
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 2: steal stuff from inside. I'm stealing your producer. That's the
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 2: first thing that's good.
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: He's good. Yeah, he's great.
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 2: He is good. He's a little bit entitled. Yeah, I
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 2: can tell.
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: But I've made him a monster. Right. I've made him
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: a monster. Yeah. I mean, like, I forget what he
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: did the other day, but he goes, like, he'll be
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: eating a restaurant, he'll be eating lobster bisque, and I'll go, eh.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: Kind of put a spoon down.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 2: He walked up to me with wet hands, expecting me
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: to dry them.
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah? Yeah. Real piece of shit. That's the type
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 1: of behavior. Yeah, you've really created something. Yeah, I've created
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 1: a monster. It's disgusting. He shook wet hands at me. Yeah,
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: he really just, he's really leaning in to that part
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 1: of his personality. When I met the guy, he was
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 1: working at a pet store.
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 1: Called Urban Pet. Urban Pet. Urban Pet. Not even a chain?
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: Is it a chain?
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 3: It's a chain, but in LA.
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 2: Oh, even worse. Your pet's an urban pet.
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: What?
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 2: It's not a country pet. It's an urban pet. It's
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 2: just a collection of those hairless cats?
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That's all they sell? It's just Mexican hairless cats.
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: It's for like, we want your dog to feel like
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: he's on a farm. Right.
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 2: So it's all that type of horse shit.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: And I met him there. He was brushing a dog's teeth. Yeah,
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 1: I still think it would be a good idea for
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 1: him to work there for two weeks a year. That's
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: his vacation? To kind of get it back.
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 2: You should make his vacation where he gets a regular job.
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree with you. I think that that's fair.
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: I think it's not the.
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 2: Worst idea for him. Yeah, because his day-to-day life is
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 2: a vacation. Yes. Well, he doesn't see it that way.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: He thinks it's hell. Right. To his wife all the time.
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: He's on the phone with the wife. Oh, we were
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: at the Hamptons. I had to eat the lobster again.
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: It's a horror to him. Right. I had to sit
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: there while he talked to someone, and he's a demon.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 2: This guy's talking to one of the biggest investment bankers
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 2: in the world, and I had to sit here and
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 2: listen to this?
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's got some other journalist on, and they're talking
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 1: about whatever.
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 2: Sure, I'm going to use it for insider trading, but
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 2: how exhausting.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 1: How exhausting.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 2: You know, I've taken this kid all over the world,
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 2: the Bitcoin conference.
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 2: And he's got the, yeah, so his vacation, quote unquote,
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 2: should be send him to a Petco. This is the
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 2: thing that New York doesn't have. You don't have producers.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: No. Everybody wants to be the guy. Right.
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 2: Everybody wants to be the guy. I still look at
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 2: podcasting like it's collecting action figures.
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm leaving here going, so podcasting might work.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: I'm sitting in a goddamn hotel with a living room. Yeah,
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: it's nice. And I'm going, podcasting might be the thing. Yeah.
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: I have no idea. Yeah, it's good. Do I get
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: a Hyundai Elantra for doing this? We actually charge you
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 1: to do this. That's how people with money keep money.
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 1: Damn it.
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 2: We're actually going to Venmo request you. Jesus Christ. If
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 2: you don't mind.
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: But the money doesn't go to us. It goes to
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 1: Dax Shepard. Spotify doesn't have the money, so we got
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 1: to kick up to Spotify so they can pay Dax
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: Shepard more money to tell Seth Rogen to get high again.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 2: Hey, Seth Rogen, why don't you get high? Oh, you're upset?
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 2: Get high and lay in a pool of money.
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Call a hooker. There's not that many
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 1: things in life that make you happy. No. Cumming, eating,
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: a hug. Right. I don't know how many of those
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 1: you can buy, but two out of the three. Yeah,
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: it's not.
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 2: This is going to be an interesting podcast to listen
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 2: to of his.
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 1: Do you talk to anybody.
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 2: Who was your boy? You had, like, a best friend.
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 1: Like, in real life? Was his name Trevor? No. Yes. Yes.
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 2: Well, Trevor wasn't my best friend. He was a good friend.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: He was a good friend. Yeah.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 2: But there was another kid.
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: Well, like, from, like, home? Yeah. This guy, Chris. Yes. Yes.
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah. What happened to him?
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 1: He, man, he lives in Italy. No. Yeah. He's got
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 1: a baby, got a wife. How did that happen?
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 2: He was backpacking through Italy, lost his job backpacking through Italy.
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 2: And he met, uh, he was on the train and
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 2: he met this girl and he just started talking to her,
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 2: started seeing her and then went to school in Milan.
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 2: And now he lives there and he's got a baby,
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 2: lovely kid, kids growing up. And it's just so crazy. Because, like,
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 2: you look at a life like that.
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And you go, oh, my God.
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 2: It's out there.
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 1: People do it. That's fucking mind-blowing.
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 2: And, you know, that's... Well, they got Trevor.
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 1: He's dead. But that's not... What happened to him?
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: I think he overdosed on pills. But that's not the point.
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 1: Let's go to Italy again. Yeah, let's go to.
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 2: Back to Milan.
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 1: Back to Italy. Yeah.
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 2: I mean, like, that's a great way.
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 1: You just said something that's great. People do it. Yeah.
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 1: There's actually people that do it.
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 1: That's crazy.
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 2: They find that happiness. Like, I look at his life
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 2: and I go, that is beautiful.
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 1: That is really beautiful.
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 1: But maybe, maybe he's in Italy and he's going, I
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 1: wish I had a podcast. Maybe.
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 2: You think maybe he's thinking, man, it would be great
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 2: to drive Kanaal's mom's HRV.
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah. He might go, this woman and this child have
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 1: kept me from what I really want to do. Right.
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 1: Which is talk to Joe Rogan about Bigfoot. Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 1: That's what I want to do.
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 2: I mean, if he thinks that, that's got to be
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 2: the saddest thing in the world.
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 1: Well, we all have our disease. Yeah, that's true. I
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 1: guarantee it's not this, but there's something that gnaws at
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 1: all of us. You think so? I think so. You
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 1: think so?
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 2: I think of the quiet moments in the darkness.
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 1: And I think it gnaws at us because there's something
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 1: crazy about this life. We know it ends.
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Which makes us just different than most animals.
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 1: I'm sure elephants, higher conscious.
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 2: But most animals, you see.
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 1: Them, they're going around going like, yeah, this is... Hey, man,
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 1: this is all good. And then one day it's just,
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 1: it's over. We know the sense. And we know that
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 1: we have to make all of these choices. We know
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 1: it's a game where there are choices. And we know
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 1: that each one of those choices, there's that results in
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 1: a few things that we expected to happen and a
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 1: few unexpected things. And I think that the more of
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: those you make, there's always a part of you just
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 1: by the design of this whole entire thing, whatever this is,
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 1: a high-level video game being played by aliens, who the
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: fuck knows who cares, you say to yourself, it's so
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 1: natural to go, what if I had made a different choice?
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 1: Even when the choice you made was great. Even when
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 1: the things that came from the choice are... good.
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 2: I still think because it's the insanity.
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 1: It's crazy.
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 2: That thought pops in your head.
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 1: You knock it out.
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that to me when you start to
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 2: do that, that to me feels like I'm flirting with
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 2: a bad place.
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't do that. That, to me, feels like
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 2: I'm flirting with depression. I don't want to... It's a
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 2: bad place. Yeah, I go past it now.
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 1: There's no more hanging out there anymore. Smart.
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I just go, you know what?
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 1: It happened.
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 2: It is what it is. And then I move forward
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 2: past that.
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 1: It's smart.
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 2: Because you could get stuck in that shit.
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 1: And then you're going, you know? Yeah.
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 2: What's a thought recently that you had with that? I
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 2: should have devoted more of my life to my.
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 1: mental and physical well-being and less to this industry. Right. Yeah.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: You know? Yeah. I mean, that's... Sure.
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 2: That's part of it.
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 1: Sure. Only because I've met some of the most successful
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 1: people in this business. Many of them are criminally insane. Yeah.
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 1: I mean, they could fill swimming pools with money and
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 1: do backstroke in it. But at the end of the day,
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 1: it's your shadow boxing ghosts here. Mm-hmm. You know....
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 2: It's not, you know, what is that?
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 1: It's the speech from the wire. Okay. The job won't
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 1: save you. It's like, so I think to myself sometimes,
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 1: what is, what is this at the expense of? What
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 1: is this? What is this, this, this cool shit that
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 1: I'm able to do, which I love doing. Right. What
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 1: is the cost of That's what I think of. Right. Sometimes.
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 2: There's always a cost. I think if you send, I
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 2: think you can eliminate that feeling.
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That mental feeling. With heroin. No, no, no, no, no.
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 2: It's just going to take, you just got to sit
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 2: back and send Ben to a pet shop.
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 1: Yes. I think he does.
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 2: And that'll sort... How good would that feel for you
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 2: to watch him there?
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 1: I'm planning on doing horrible things. But I think that's...
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 1: By the way, I think anyone that does... I think
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 1: that's a pretty common thought. Right. For people. They go, hey, what...
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 1: What else could I be doing? But if I wanted
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 1: to do something else, I would. Yeah, and that's the thing, though, right? Yeah.
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 1: I've done podcasts. Right. And I've said to myself, okay,
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 1: let me try this. Right.
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 2: And someone said to me, he's like, oh, you didn't
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 2: stick with it.
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And I go, no. Right.
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 2: I didn't care for it.
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 2: Let's just accept that first. It's like, you know, people's
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 2: questions like, well, why haven't you, why didn't you keep
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 2: doing that? It's like, well, you know, during the pandemic,
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 2: I created a game show.
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 1: Right. Okay.
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 2: And I shot a few episodes.
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 2: Created a whole game show, played it with comics. It
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 2: was fun.
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 2: Somebody was like, it's a really good idea. You should
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 2: keep doing it.
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 1: And I go, I don't want to. Right. You only
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 1: have a certain amount of time.
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 1: Do the things you want to do. Do the things
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 1: you want to do. That's it. Right.
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 2: And then, you know, everything else will be fine.
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 2: It's over then.
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 2: Man, it's over that quick.
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 2: And I just want to do more of the things
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 2: I want to do. And I think that's hopefully what
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 2: we've all learned.
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 1: Right. You know? That what we want to do... As
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 1: long as it's not hurting anyone else.
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 2: Well, that's debatable.
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 1: And even if it is. Yeah. Who cares? Right. Life
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 1: is too short.
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 2: One of the funniest moments was throwing rocks from a roof.
• 1:17:56
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Yes. I never laughed so hard.
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 1: When was that?
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 2: That was like a child. I'm not saying I'm going
• 1:18:01
  Speaker 2: to revisit it.
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 1: Oh, right. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 2: But it's just like, all right, nobody got hurt.
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 1: But you know what I mean? Sometimes. Jeffrey Epstein, Ghislaine Maxwell. Hey.
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 1: questionable characters sure right but they lived yeah they truly
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 1: lived i'd say truly lived yeah i don't have an
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 1: island no and i think that's like that that's what
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 1: it comes down to it's like what what makes us
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 1: truly feel alive right because happiness is a weird goal
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 1: but if you feel alive You feel like you're living.
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 2: It'd be nice to not do it at someone else's expense,
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 2: but there are countless people that do.
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 1: There are countless people that do. Yeah.
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 2: And I get it. And I understand the reasoning for it.
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 2: But at the same time, it's just like, I think
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 2: that if you can live, and make yourself as happy
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 2: as possible without at the expense of somebody else that
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 2: would be great right but just do that man right
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 2: do that yeah get fucking happy.
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 1: Get fucking happy tell people again what is your album
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 1: out there oh you're a great stand-up thank you it's
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 1: hard to get people to to to figure out uh
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 1: because people just don't trust any thing anymore. And right.
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 1: You know, it's hard for people to find standup. Yeah.
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 2: It's, uh, the album is called draw for draw for, yeah, it's, uh,
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 2: you know, I'm based on the Uno card.
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 2: And, uh, you know, it's my current draw. So it's,
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah. A little draw for, uh, yeah, you can find
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 1: that everywhere. Canal Aurora draw for album. Find them on
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 1: social media.
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 3: Um, Alldaykca.com?
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 3: That's it?
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That's his website. Check up on him. Send him
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 1: a nice positive message. Maybe a negative one.
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 2: I'm definitely going to get a couple negative ones.
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 1: I get a couple. I'm getting negative ones sitting here.
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 1: About whatever. Yeah, of course. People are screaming at me.
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 1: today because I said I'm like I'm vaccinated which they
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 1: know already right and I'm like hey guys I don't
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 1: care what you do yeah my literal stance was I
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 1: don't care if you want to get it great right
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 1: I want to get it fine I'm 36 I got
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 1: it yeah I needed to show my vaccine thing to
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 1: perform at the comedy store like and I imagine it'd
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 1: be I'm going to need it to travel. I don't
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 1: know if I will. Maybe I won't.
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 2: But I'm like, I don't care what you do. That's
• 1:20:26
  Speaker 2: not enough for people.
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 1: No. You can't... By the way, my opinion is a non-opinion.
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 1: It's a non... Opinion. That's what sets people off. Because
• 1:20:37
  Speaker 1: they want to be told what to do or validated
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 1: because then they're back in this good versus evil thing
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 1: of winners and losers and right and wrong and I'm
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 1: on this side and they're on that side and.
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 2: It gives their meaningless lives meaning.
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 1: Meaningless lives! Meaningless! It's not my fault they're meaningless, but
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 1: they're meaningless because you're mad at me on Twitter For
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 1: the simple opinion that I don't care what you do,
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 1: I don't think there's a right answer and a wrong
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 1: answer in every instance for everything. And people got angry
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 1: at that.
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 2: Totally unrelated. This episode is brought to you by Pfizer.
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 1: Yes. It has nothing to do with anything. Bill and
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 1: Melinda Gates have been so kind to me and this show. Yeah,
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 1: one guy goes... I'm fanning myself with the check, by
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 1: the way, from Pfizer.
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 2: One guy literally said to me, he goes, you're being
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 2: paid by Pfizer.
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 1: I'm like... Pfizer does not sit around and go, what
• 1:21:35
  Speaker 1: guy can we get in here who's questioning 9-11.
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 2: To also pump our vaccine? And I'm not pumping.
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 1: It's like, hey, man. If you're fat, if you've done
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 1: bad things to the body, this might, you know. If
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 1: you're 20 and you don't want to do it and
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 1: you're like, fuck it, hey, God bless you. Right. Or
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 1: if you're older. People are not doing it. Some people
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 1: are doing it and getting fucked up from it. Not good.
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 1: Some people are not doing it and dying from COVID.
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 2: Not good. COVID sounds terrible. It sounds not fun. And
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 2: there's people dying. It's just got to be embarrassing.
• 1:22:12
  Speaker 1: Right. And listen, I get if you... There's a lot
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 1: of people that like playing the game and whatever. But
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 1: my non-opinion, which it is, it's not an opinion. It's like,
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 1: I don't care. I truly don't care. Right, of course.
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. Question why you care. On either side,
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 1: why it's such a big deal for you. If you
• 1:22:34
  Speaker 1: get vaccinated, you're vaccinated. If your neighbor doesn't, they're not.
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 1: You can live together. You can live in a happy world.
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 2: Use promo code TimJDillon at Moderna.com.
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. By the way, Pfizer.Pfizer slash Tim. Promo code
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 1: TIM for the booster. You know you're going to love
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 1: that booster. You're going to need it when the Delta
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 1: variant comes. The Delta, the Lambda, baby. You're getting it all.
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 2: I'm telling you right now, every year, it's going to
• 1:23:07
  Speaker 2: be a new booster shot. Oh, it'll be a new booster.
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 1: It's going to do its pumpkin spice. It'll be in
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 1: the fall.
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 2: It's going to be, you got your Hulu, your Netflix,
• 1:23:14
  Speaker 2: your booster shot.
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's it. That's your monthly expenses. Subscribe. And Pfizer's
• 1:23:20
  Speaker 1: going to stick you, and they're going to go, subscribe.
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 2: And yes, you might have Bell's palsy.
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 2: You might die two weeks later. Sure, everything tastes like piss. Yeah,
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 2: it doesn't matter.
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter.
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 2: All of a sudden, you're like, I can't taste anything.
• 1:23:34
  Speaker 2: I've lost control of my tongue.
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:23:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 1: Everything feels like the temperature of a wet market. But
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you, whoever the CEO of Pfizer is, he's
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 1: going to be in a really nice house. Yeah. And
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 1: someone's got to be. Hear him on Luminary. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 1: The CEO of Pfizer has a new podcast with Dax Shepard.
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 1: Dax Shepard's going to tell him why it's okay. Even
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 1: though a few people, you know, can't chew anymore. And
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 1: he's sad about that. Dax Shepard's going to, he's the
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 1: armchair expert. Yeah, he's going to tell you. He's going
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 1: to tell the CEO of Pfizer why things are okay.
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 1: It's fine if you're sneezing teeth. Yeah. Casey Aurora, Canale Aurora,
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 1: find him.
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 2: Casey all day. Thank you so much, dude.
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you, brother.
• 1:24:14
  Speaker 2: Appreciate it.