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How can I share responsibilities with a partner? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Being pulled between raising kids and caring for a parent or older relative is often called the sandwich generation and it wears on you in a specific way.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're managing two full sets of knees with one set of hands, and most couples never actually sit down and divide that up on purpose.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: They just fall into a pattern by accident.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: If that pattern is now causing friction, that's simply what happens when the load gets heavier than a system you built for it.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Now, before you try to problem solve, try diaphragmatic breathing.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: So inhale through your nose for four counts, hold for two, and exhale for six.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: This is a way to help bring your nervous system down when you're feeling wound up and it doesn't take long at all to do.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Now a useful shift here is to stop treating this as your list versus their list and start treating it as one shared problem you're both solving together.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because resentment builds when tasks get divided by default, whoever noticed it first, whoever felt guilty first rather than by a conversation.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: So try saying it plainly to your partner that you have two full sets of responsibilities.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: So let's map this out together instead of assuming the other person already sees what we see.
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  SPEAKER_00: As that takes the blame out of it and puts you both on the same side and encourages working as a team.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Practical way to support yourself with this is by sitting down together, ideally not during a crisis, and write out everything that needs doing across both the kids and the caregiving, from school pickups to medical appointments to admin and paperwork.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Assign tasks by capacity and schedule, not by who's always done it.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: And a short weekly check-in, even if it is just 10 minutes on a Sunday, can help keep the plan current as things shift.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: It also helps to include others in early, like any of the siblings, extended family, the school, the GP, just so the two of you aren't the only line of support.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if conversations about sharing the load keep turning to arguments or one of you is starting to feel constantly unseen or burnt out, that's worth taking further.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: As a GP can help if you're noticing signs of burnout or low mood.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: There's also couples counselling that can genuinely help here as well, because a neutral space device something this complex can take the heat out of it and be supportive to your partnership.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: And you can always come back to this topic in the app for more support and resources on caring for others while parenting.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: If you are thinking about harming yourself and feeling safe, then please seek urgent help by contacting your local mercy number or a crisis helpline.