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5 Reasons Why Narcissists Disappear on You · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So what do you do when a narcissist disappears on you
• 0:05
  constantly, or one time for one? One big disappearance, one big
• 0:09
  ghosting? What should you do?
• 0:11
  How should you as a survivor or a thriver or a victim of
• 0:14
  narcissistic abuse, how should you handle that?
• 0:18
  That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
• 0:23
  If you do here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:25
  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist, and welcome to
• 0:28
  another episode of The Narcissist Code where I give you
• 0:30
  an inside look at the mind of a narcissist.
• 0:34
  Let's clear this up right here. If a narcissist, and this is my
• 0:37
  true thoughts right here, y'all, I'm gonna keep it up.
• 0:41
  We start off with a rant bubble narcissistic people.
• 0:44
  If anybody ghost you, if anybody disappears on you, especially if
• 0:48
  y'all are just getting to know each other, let them remain
• 0:51
  Casper. If they ghost you in the
• 0:53
  beginning, let them remain Casper.
• 0:56
  Please, for your own sanity, for your own mental and sometimes
• 1:00
  your physical health, literally let that person remain Casper.
• 1:03
  Yeah, there's not a unless they, unless they got shipped off to
• 1:07
  some Armed Services or something like that, to the military, to
• 1:10
  the Navy, a clandestine mission in the Marines.
• 1:14
  Those could be some valid excuses, right?
• 1:17
  There's no, to me, it's very difficult to just have a
• 1:20
  authentic reason to disappear on somebody with no warning, right?
• 1:24
  Unless you're trying to be let. Now, if you're a survivor, it's
• 1:26
  different if you're trying, if you surviving somebody and
• 1:29
  they're being abusive, that's a reason to this to dip, right?
• 1:32
  I believe that's a reason you could that's that's an active
• 1:35
  reason you should be able to dip on somebody.
• 1:36
  If you're trying to survive them, if they're a danger to you
• 1:39
  personally, I think you should be able to dip on that person,
• 1:41
  right? Otherwise, in these scenarios,
• 1:44
  in these situations, I think that if there's, if you're not
• 1:48
  being abusive to them and you're being as kind, as caring and
• 1:51
  gentle as you can be and they disappear on you, let them
• 1:55
  remain Castro. Let them remain a ghost in your
• 1:59
  past, especially if you don't have any ties to this person.
• 2:04
  If y'all are not tied down together, if y'all don't have
• 2:06
  kids or businesses or cars or whatever.
• 2:10
  If you don't have those things with this person, let that
• 2:13
  person remain Casper. I promise you, you will not
• 2:16
  regret it. There's very I I, Yeah, y'all
• 2:19
  could prove. Prove me wrong.
• 2:20
  If you, if you can, if you can prove me wrong here, please
• 2:22
  prove me wrong. I have yet to hear of a
• 2:24
  situation where a person was ghosted in the beginning of a
• 2:28
  relationship or that person disappeared on you, then they
• 2:31
  came back and y'all live happily ever after.
• 2:34
  I have yet to hear that story. I'm sure it exists.
• 2:37
  I'm sure it exists. But if you follow me, chances
• 2:40
  are that might not have happened for you, right?
• 2:43
  I'm sure it exists out there in the universe or in the ether
• 2:46
  somewhere. I'm pretty, I'm, I'm pretty
• 2:48
  positive that that exists. I, I'm almost certain that that
• 2:52
  exists somewhere, y'all. But it hasn't happened for you,
• 2:56
  right? And it's a rarity so slightly
• 2:58
  disappears on you when you're just getting to know them or
• 3:00
  you're happy. It's 2-3 months and you're you
• 3:03
  you you're happy and all of a sudden they stop messaging you
• 3:06
  no more calls or or they blocked you.
• 3:09
  You blocked like you blocked out and over you're like damn they
• 3:11
  they blocked me what I do no reason nothing.
• 3:15
  And then they try to come back later on y'all with some
• 3:18
  bullshit ass excuse. Please don't let them back in
• 3:22
  your life. I'm sorry I got.
• 3:23
  I was afraid we were getting too close and I was too in love with
• 3:28
  you and I decided to dip out on you and didn't message you back.
• 3:32
  I was scared. It's nothing you did bro.
• 3:34
  I was just scared. What's stopping them from being
• 3:36
  scared again? Scared.
• 3:40
  I was so scared. What's stopping them from being
• 3:43
  scared again? Go.
• 3:48
  I'm serious. I hear too many of these stories
• 3:50
  were like, well, they, I let them back in my life and they
• 3:52
  treated me, treated me horribly again.
• 3:54
  Yeah. Because they think it's OK to
• 3:56
  come in and in and out of your life.
• 3:58
  So if you're dealing with a narcissistic person and they
• 4:00
  disappear on you, let them remain Casper.
• 4:02
  And even if y'all have been in a relationship for a while and
• 4:06
  you're not tied down to this person, y'all don't live
• 4:07
  together. There's no kids, there's no
• 4:09
  property, no businesses, no nothing.
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  The only tied to them is your heart and possibly a trauma
• 4:13
  bond. You still have to have the power
• 4:15
  to not to let them back in your space.
• 4:18
  If y'all have been together. I've heard these stories before
• 4:20
  y'all. And I'm doing my one-on-one
• 4:21
  coaching over Zoom or in my support groups, all available in
• 4:25
  mentalillness.net. When I'm doing those coaching
• 4:28
  sessions or the support groups or whatever and people tell me
• 4:30
  that they like, well, we were dating for a year and a half and
• 4:33
  all of a sudden they just ghosted me.
• 4:36
  They disappeared on me and I just like now they're trying to
• 4:39
  come back. Lee, what should I do?
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  What should you do? You should blunt their asses.
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  You should disappear on them like they did you.
• 4:45
  But they're being so persistently, they promised me
• 4:48
  that it won't happen again. They was afraid.
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  They're blaming, they're blaming me for ghosting them for me, for
• 4:53
  them ghosting me, for them disappearing on me.
• 4:56
  I like, look what, what fail safes are in place right now to
• 5:02
  stop them from doing it again. What's stopping them from doing
• 5:04
  it again? They promised that they wouldn't
• 5:06
  do it again. You have a Scout's Honor or an
• 5:09
  IOU or something like that. Unless they were willing to put
• 5:12
  down a deposit of $500,000 for wasting your time like I need
• 5:16
  to. I need you to sign this contract
• 5:18
  for $500,000. If you ghost me or you break on
• 5:21
  me again, you waste my time. I get 500.
• 5:23
  Ki said we didn't do it for the end.
• 5:25
  You gotta give me some milk. We gotta crash the Middle East,
• 5:27
  Crash the Middle East. My time, my time is valuable.
• 5:30
  I have this. My time is exquisite.
• 5:33
  Seriously, that what I was just saying, if you let them go, if
• 5:37
  you let them ghost you and come back into your life, if they
• 5:39
  disappear when you're out, you have to find the power and the
• 5:42
  strength to not let them come back.
• 5:44
  Because typically when a narcissist is ghosting you or
• 5:47
  disappearing on you, there's typically typically the Greek
• 5:50
  God of maybe there's typically someone else in the picture.
• 5:54
  They have a new supply or or you are the new supply.
• 5:59
  They're cheating with you there. They have a ready made family
• 6:04
  and they're cheating with you. You're this side piece.
• 6:07
  You might not realize it. I've talked to so many people.
• 6:09
  They didn't realize that they were the side piece until they
• 6:12
  discovered it later on. Literally I talked to after my
• 6:16
  one was over Zoomed. I talked to a woman that was her
• 6:19
  partner, right? Was working in I think Georgia,
• 6:23
  his work. She lived in Georgia.
• 6:25
  He was working in Georgia. He had to go to North Carolina
• 6:27
  every other weekend, wherever, every weekend to get his kids or
• 6:30
  to spend time with his kids. That was his goal.
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  He was live in Georgia five days a week, go home and they were
• 6:35
  living together. They had an apartment together.
• 6:38
  One day she was at home, right? And she got a package with a
• 6:41
  different name on it. She's like, who the hell name is
• 6:42
  this? He called, he blown her phone
• 6:44
  number. Like there's Amazon package
• 6:45
  coming. Just leave it outside.
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  I don't know who it is. Just does it's just ignore.
• 6:49
  I'm gonna get it to send it back.
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  She's like, OK. She looked her name up on
• 6:52
  Facebook. It's him.
• 6:53
  He didn't gave her a fake name like she realized that she was
• 6:56
  the only one on the lease. She he never signed anything to
• 6:59
  live there. She was the only one on the
• 7:01
  lease. He used a fake name to live with
• 7:03
  her. His real name was on the Amazon
• 7:05
  package. He meant to send it to his real
• 7:07
  house, but he sent it to her house with him.
• 7:09
  I don't know how he did it, but then she found out that she was
• 7:13
  the sappy. He was married, he worked in
• 7:15
  Georgia, but he was driving back and forth to North Carolina to
• 7:17
  spend time with his actual family.
• 7:19
  And then she drove to North Carolina to to shock him and
• 7:22
  surprise him. And of course, the wife stayed.
• 7:24
  He had a whole new apartment living with a woman in Georgia,
• 7:27
  in the White State, and she disappeared.
• 7:30
  He did like, she tried to call him.
• 7:32
  She's like trying to call him to custom out or whatever.
• 7:34
  And he disappeared. He's just like ghosted her
• 7:36
  because he knew he was busted. So sometimes you are the side
• 7:40
  piece you don't need, you know? Yeah, he ghosted her after he
• 7:43
  had got exposed. So that's the reason that he
• 7:45
  disappeared for a reason. But you see how that happens
• 7:48
  right there? Sometimes you are the side
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  piece. Sometimes when they're ghosting
• 7:53
  you, they're just going back home.
• 7:55
  They're just going back to their house.
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  They're just, they when they disappear on you, they're going
• 8:00
  back to their real life or they started a new life with somebody
• 8:03
  else and they don't want you to know about it.
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  So they ghost you and don't don't want you exposing them to
• 8:08
  whoever else they're talking to. They want any ties to you.
• 8:12
  Yeah, I've heard these ghosting situations.
• 8:14
  So some of these ghosting situations or disappearing
• 8:16
  situations can get super dark. I've had people who say their
• 8:20
  husbands or their wives had ghosted them.
• 8:21
  Like leave my wife ghosted me. I'm talking to dudes one-on-one.
• 8:25
  It's like my wife ghosted me. She just didn't come home one
• 8:27
  day, found out she had moved. Like she had moved to a whole
• 8:31
  different state with a different man.
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  And try to just try to just think, we're going to try to
• 8:36
  think that we were going to stay married.
• 8:37
  Even though she had abandoned the house and moved in with
• 8:39
  somebody else. Everything was in my name.
• 8:42
  So she felt like she could just disappear.
• 8:44
  Were you having a kid? She felt like she can just
• 8:46
  disappear and she did. She disappeared, popped up with
• 8:48
  somebody else a couple months later in a whole new state.
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  And the only reason he found out was her family told him.
• 8:54
  Her family thought her family thought that she was doing him
• 8:56
  wrong. So her family told her, he's
• 8:58
  like, man, stop looking for her. She done did some evil ass shit.
• 9:02
  She up here, stop looking for her and then I'll call.
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  All of a sudden, he sent divorce papers to her to sign and she
• 9:07
  refused to sign the divorce papers.
• 9:09
  She disappeared on him. She refused to sign the divorce
• 9:11
  papers. And then she started trying to
• 9:13
  come back to him. She's like, you know what, let's
• 9:15
  just work it out. I'm going to come back.
• 9:16
  We're going to work it out. I can't believe I did this.
• 9:19
  I'm so sorry. And I haven't heard from him
• 9:21
  since. So if you're watching this man,
• 9:22
  I hope you did not take her back after that.
• 9:24
  I hope you broke that trauma bond.
• 9:27
  You do not take her back after that right there, because
• 9:30
  sometimes when they when they after they disappear on you and
• 9:32
  they come back into your life, they're just trying to buy time
• 9:35
  to find another way to disappear, to find a more
• 9:38
  efficient way to disappear, to find a more a better way to
• 9:41
  disappear. So if they if a narcissist
• 9:42
  disappears on you, y'all you have to let them remain Casper.
• 9:47
  You really do. You have to let them let them go
• 9:50
  like like Elsa from Frozen. You got to let them go.
• 9:52
  Let them go. Can't hold them back anymore.
• 9:55
  Because if you let them come back into your life, I promise
• 9:57
  you, you I'm not trying to hammer away at you.
• 9:58
  Be mean. I promise you if you let them
• 10:00
  back into your life, they will find a way to hurt you.
• 10:03
  They will find a way to do some harm to you.
• 10:05
  They will find a way to effectively waste your time,
• 10:09
  your effort, your energy, and do some do much, much harm to you.
• 10:14
  Narcissistic people are damn near evil.
• 10:17
  They they really are. Some of them are evil when they
• 10:19
  do this disappearing stuff because they don't, they
• 10:22
  realistically don't care about the effect it's going to have on
• 10:25
  you. They're just trying to they're
• 10:26
  just trying to find a way to benefit themselves and not care
• 10:29
  about the results of what they've done.
• 10:31
  So you have to protect yourself. You have to stay as strong as
• 10:34
  you possibly can. You have to empower yourself as
• 10:36
  well on this journey, y'all. Anyway, John, if you made it
• 10:39
  this far, make sure to hit the subscribe button.
• 10:41
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• 10:43
  I was watching the time. I have a coaching call.
• 10:44
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• 10:46
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• 10:48
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• 10:52
  for 10% off. Click one of these on the screen
• 10:55
  right here to watch another video and I'm out.
• 10:57
  Peace.