Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Peace in our Purpose | a conversation with Lauren Eberspacher

Transcript

Peace in our Purpose | a conversation with Lauren Eberspacher · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_02: Hi friends, welcome back to the Simply Wholehearted podcast.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_02: It means so much to have you choose to take our conversation along with you today.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Amy Wix, your host, and here at Simply Wholehearted, we provide perspective, purpose, and plans for your best life.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_02: The culture around us lulls us to complacency, half awake to our purpose, and more often than not, it seems as if everyone around us celebrates mediocrity.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_02: But we believe there is more to your story.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_02: Awaken your heart with extraordinary tales of the ordinary, explore your unique purpose, and be empowered to become wholehearted in life, family, and community.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_02: Before I introduce this week's guest, I wanted to remind all you moms out there, summer is just around the corner.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_02: I know, right?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: But before you panic about the no-schedule, long days, sibling fighting, boredom, constant eating, and the messy house, I am here to help you to have the summer you've always wanted with your kids.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_02: I am not exaggerating when I say a simply summer is completely possible for you.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: First, you can download my 50 free boredombuster ideas, which are perfect for those with kids 12 and under.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: Then, you can get my Simply Summer email series, which gives you several weeks of encouragement and inspiration to put into action immediately.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_02: And now, my best-selling Simply Summer course will take you step by step to create the schedule you desire, foster simply unity, helps eliminate boredom, and keeps a cleaner home all while giving you more time to get things done.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: It is possible.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: You can have your best summer this year.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_02: And of course, I put all the details in the show notes.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: Now, if you didn't have a chance to listen to last week's episode, you may not know, but we are spending a few weeks to celebrate motherhood.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_02: With Mother's Day in a couple of weeks, each of us has a unique ache, which may crop up in light of the special day.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: Perhaps you still long for motherhood, or you were a mom and it's not quite who you expected it to be.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_02: And yet for some, the ache is due to the relational disappointment with our own moms.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: They're perhaps emotional, physical, or spiritual absence, and it's more acute than ever before.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: I've been unpacking these real experiences with a group of moms from my church, and I'm blown away by how many feel this loss, especially now that they are moms themselves.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: And for some, they have an amazing relationship with their moms, but they feel guilty and isolated for this relational blessing.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: I've determined we need to actively be talking to both sides of the story.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_02: And we need both in the body of Christ.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: For those who don't have their hope for relationship, we can find fulfillment and relationship with our savior and relationship with mom figures in our local church to help fill the gap.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: For those who do have a great relationship with their mom and mother-in-law, it gives hope.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_02: It gives hope that we as moms can give what we did not have because of God's redeeming love.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_02: I know I desire my kids to be the ones sitting around and talking about the ways they are grateful that my ceiling is there for.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_02: I've been talking in depth about this every week for the last 14 weeks, so there's much to share.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: But this week I've invited Lauren Everspacher to be back on the podcast to share about her new book, which happens to be number one on Amazon right now in the devotional category, Midnight Lullabies.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: Lauren has been a part of this wholehearted community from the beginning.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_02: You might even want to listen to our first conversation, which is episode 13, for more of her story.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: But today we're gonna talk about her book, Midnight Lullabies, which is resonating with so many of us who are needing more moments of peace.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: And of course, we're gonna talk about the Annie Graham and her unique relationships with her mom and mother-in-law.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so how's the book launching process going?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_02: How are you feeling?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, this is a big deal.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness, yes, it is crazy exciting.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but you have no idea what goes into the launch of a book until you're actually doing it yourself.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, it's crazy.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: I am I'm part of some launches and working.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: I've worked now, this is my second time around for a friend to launch.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_02: And it's a lot of work.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_02: It's it is enough work to go.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if I want to write a book to publish a book.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's a lot like it's a lot like having a baby, to be honest with you.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's what it feels like.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Back in the fall, I revealed the cover of Midnight Lullabies, which is gorgeous.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_02: It is really beautiful.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like I have this vision, yeah, and I tried to explain it to my publishing team, and they nailed it.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's awesome.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, knocked it out of the ballpark.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: It was exactly what I wanted it to look like.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I revealed the cover, I felt like that was the gender reveal of my baby.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: And like now I'm in like the third trimester and I'm starting to get uncomfortable and starting to get uneasy.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: But April 9th is gonna be a big day, and I'm just I'm really looking forward to seeing what God's gonna do through through midnight lullabies.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man, it's beautiful, it really is.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I've just been excited to get a sneak peek and into your heart.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, a lot of it I feel like it's reading my journal and back in those years um when I needed a book like yours.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, and that that is my hope.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: My hope in in the book is that women will be able to pick it up and just feel like they're sitting across the table with friends and dialoguing through the hard emotions of motherhood and actually getting to a place where they can make progress where their emotions and not just stay stuck in them.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's so good.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because that is the problem for most of us.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I I lead a group of moms um now once a week that we've grown to about 24, 26 every week, and they're just the young, mostly young moms of the group still, because we meet during the day, we provide babysitting, so it's kind of the few remnant remaining stay-at-home moms have has the margin to do that.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_02: But a lot of what we talk about is realizing that this season of motherhood is really about losing yourself.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: And just as our invitation to Christ is to lose lose ourselves, to find ourselves in Christ, so is motherhood.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_02: And it's this is a it's it can be an amazing time, depending what coaching you get through it and modeling you have.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_02: Totally where you can you can get you get a chance to rediscover yourself because maybe all the time leading up before you had children, you did things out of necessity because it was cultural norms or because it was your degree in your field of study, or you had to pay the bills.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_02: But some get this opportunity to step away from the majority of that, lose yourself, which is so painful, so painful.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not making light of that, but it's also an opportunity to rediscover what the Lord's intended purpose is, not only in this great call of motherhood, but in so many other things.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like more often than not, this season is one that includes a lot of suffering and brokenness.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: And we kind of are given this opportunity, you know, to either go, like what you said, to the cultural norms and try and keep following that or pursuing that, or we have the chance to say, okay, I'm gonna take this season of brokenness and I'm gonna lean into the father.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: And it's in that process, that stripping away and refining and tearing down and honing in, that we really have the opportunity to discover God saying, Look, this is who I've created you to be this whole time.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: And motherhood really has just been a great invitation for that.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like you said, it's just it's God saying, Okay, come on, sit in closer, lean in and listen up.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what I really have for you.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna do it through your motherhood and through these really broken places of your heart.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: But man, it's gonna be something beautiful if you let me do it.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I and that's sort of the conversation we've been having about the suffering because I think unfortunately, some pockets of Christianity and the cultural invitation is usually pull yourself up by the bootstraps, get through it, bear down, and you know, bite the bullet and just, you know, do your thing.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_02: Instead, I I think the Lord, through the word of God, gives us an invitation to examine those suffering and those hurt places and and be okay with it.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: Not that we stay there, but to acknowledge it so we can find healing.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_02: One of the big things that we keep talking about is this idea of motherlessness.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_02: And the majority of the women who are in our group feel the motherlessness, whether distance or physical because their mom passed away way too young, or emotional distance or spiritual distance because they don't have a shared faith.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_02: And uh there's almost not one single person in the in the room who raises their hands to that.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_02: And if they don't raise their hands to their own mother, they feel it with their mother-in-law and their relationship with their mother.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_02: And so it we're slowly identifying the fact that we all in this fallen world are going to experience that ache for a mom, for you know, a mom who is fully all of those things.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_02: And here's the deal just like the idea of fatherlessness or wanting to have a lover of our soul, we are actually given that hole and that ache to be filled only by Christ.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's but we have to be able to identify it and go through it and acknowledge it and realize we have it so Christ can fill it, and so that way in motherhood, we can point our kids to saying, Hey, I'm not gonna meet all your needs all the time.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_02: There is only one person who can do that.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, and I think that often in our age, I think especially with social media and just oh yeah, technology right at our hands, we long for companionship.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: We have this deep God created us with a desire for companionship and mentorship and motherhood and fatherhood and those relationships.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I think more often than not, we forget that God is the truest, greatest companion that we can ever have.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so for most of us, when we feel that ache of loneliness, right, because we've all experienced that, or that ache for a mentorship or mother relationship, we go everywhere else and look for it.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of back to God and his word, and we go to social media and we try and fit in there and we try and find the perfect mom group that we can fit into, or we try and fit it, fill it with all of these different relationships.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: And time and time again, man, they just they come up, they leave us empty, they leave us dry because nothing fulfills us like the word of God and the relationship that we can have with Jesus.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so we need to be, you know, very purposeful in putting down our phone and saying no to certain get-togethers because man, I need more time with God and I need to commune with him more regularly instead of, you know, running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to find the perfect friend or the perfect place where I fit in, where I've always fit in with God in the palm of his hand since the beginning of time.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so I have to lean into that instead of trying to fill it with everybody else.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_02: Isn't that the truth?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: I think that it's um we yeah, we just long for the vulnerable, authentic connection.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: And we can we have access to it all the time.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_02: We just have to take the pause, much needed pause, and be able to tap into it.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: It's so good.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_02: So, what are you learning about yourself and motherhood through this launch process?
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_02: Because I mean, how you related it to giving birth and pregnancy is so real, but even writing the words and maybe rereading your words and going, Oh, yeah, that's right.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: I found that God's timing in this whole entire process.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure he's hysterically laughing at me while he watches this, but this whole thing unfold, because I have had to come back to my words in this process.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: And God has had to use my own words and my own convictions to come back and remind my heart by his spirit.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know, this is the way that you need to do this, Lauren, and this is how you need to walk in it.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's been different chapters in the book, different days that focus on managing your time and the way that God created time and he loves time and he's the giver of it, but that he's also entrusted it to us.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so I really learned through this whole process just of the value of time with my children, uh, that if they're not my number one priority, um, you know, aside from my time with the Lord and my time with my husband, if I am just putting all of my effort into work, uh, I'm not stewarding my children well, right?
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: My children are a gift to me.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: They've been entrusted to me.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: But it's it's really been about making sure that they are the priority, but then them really knowing that this book.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, hold on.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so sorry.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: There's a delivery person at my door.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're good.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, so sweet.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, roses.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: Those are gorgeous.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: They're glittery too.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that is so fun.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: Eric knows me so well.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, he does.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm I'm assuming that these are from him.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_02: Unless we have enough love, Eric.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: That's awesome.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_02: Well, speaking of fun gifts, Mother's Day is right around the corner.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, obviously, your husband does a good job with a little bit of love.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_02: He sure does.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_02: Showing you love.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_02: What would your ideal Mother's Day be?
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_02: Because I mean, we all know it's sort of the whole Mother's Day thing.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_02: I know we could talk about uh for a whole episode.
• 15:24
  unknown: We could.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_02: But but what have you reconciled expectations and anticipation, reality of life?
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_02: What what do you look forward to most?
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's funny.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: So before we had kids, uh, I know you're familiar with the five love languages.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Before we had kids, my top two love languages were physical touch and gifts.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: After having kids, my love languages changed.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: It was still physical touch, but it changed to words of affirmation.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that was kind of a a process that took a little bit of time to really change, and then for me to be able to notice it.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, gifts are still important to me, but my uh, you know, I I do find great um value in being affirmed by my spouse.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Verbally affirmed by him.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: There's so much power in that.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: There really is.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: And just that he not to say that I'm a perfect mom or not to say that I do everything just right, but that he verbalizes and validates that I love the Lord and love my kids.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: And that he sees me striving for more of Jesus.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and so I think that for me, Mother's Day was always this idea of glamorous gifts and jewelry and massages and massages.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and I'm not one to say that I wouldn't love those things.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: But to me, it's more about just an intentional day for my husband to number one, let me get a solid nap.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, a solid two hours.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: The best.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's the best.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: But really, but really it is.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a special day to be intentional about the affirmation of who I am as a mom.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: Just like for him, Father's Day is a day for him to be affirmed as a dad.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: That he's a great godly leader of our home and that he loves our children with the love of Christ.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so for me, it's become more about that affirmation and less about the showering and physical gifts.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's that would be my ideal Mother's Day is just that affirmation of who I am in God and who I am as a mom and a solid two-hour uninterrupted nap.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_02: It is so good.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_02: Even if I'm not sleeping the whole time, if I have a book over there and no one's gonna be knocking on the door.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and the fact that you can get comfortable in bed and then you know you're gonna be able to stay comfortable in bed.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: I think that that where I'm at in this season of my life right now, I get I'm almost afraid to get too comfortable in my bed because I know I know I'm gonna be woken up.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: I know that in 20 minutes there's gonna be a little face that's standing right there, right next to my bed, asking for a cup of milk or water or whatever it might be.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm almost apprehensive to be too comfortable while I sleep.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, Eric and I went to California a couple of weeks ago, and for five nights we slept completely uninterrupted.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, heaven.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: And it was the most freeing, liberating.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it was just fantastic.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: We woke up on our own time, we slept in.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: It was, and we didn't, we didn't touch each other the whole night.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, he was over on his side.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_02: King's sad, plenty of space.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_02: It was fantastic, absolutely fantastic.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_02: I think every mama needs that once a year.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_02: I know it's really hard and I haven't been able to do it, but that that is the reset that is ideal.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: For sure it is, you know, and and it's interesting, we're coming up, we're gonna have been married 10 years this summer.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: Congrats, I can't believe that.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and we have never taken a trip, just the two of us, that was since having kids that wasn't work-related.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: We've gone on work trips for me.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's always been a schedule.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: There's always been, yeah, we've never been able to just totally, yeah, like just totally sit back and unplug.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it was really life-changing for us to do that.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think now we recognize the importance of that and how it doesn't just make our marriage better, but it made us better.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like it's made us better parents.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so now we're like, you remember you like each other because I think we're in the mundane and just the business of the ordinary, you forget that you that there's actually someone really enjoyable that you live with.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because you can't always do that.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: It was awesome.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: So we're looking forward to doing that again sometime.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe after, maybe after my book comes out.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: We'll do some sort of celebratory trip.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, even down to Casey, maybe sneak a brunch in, a brunch coffee date with the Wicks.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think we would probably love that.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: We we could talk Bible and they could talk trees.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, there's so much there.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, Spencer, yeah, he just loves his trees, which I'm discovering.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: So I do you know much about the Enneagram?
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: Some, yes.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: I took, I took the test like a couple of weeks ago because I was just curious because I feel like everybody's talking about it.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone's talking about it.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm an Aneagram coach, and so I've immersed myself.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_02: I do not have, I just talked to someone the other day.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_02: She has 10 years or no, 20 years into the Enneagram.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_02: She and I are about the same age.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_02: And so I I had never heard of that until just a few years ago, and then been taking a real deep dive to study as I lead people in it, because I just found it so incredibly liberating, not to just understand myself, but to find my best path to growth, or just to know too, hey, I'm I'm not in a good place because these are the things I'm exhibiting.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_02: But anyway, all of that to say Spencer's a nine, and nines need nature, they need to be out in nature, and that is a big thing.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_02: It could be cold, it could be hot, but they come alive outside.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_02: So it makes complete sense that Spencer would be an arborist.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_02: But now I'm curious, what did you test as?
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_02: A two.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_02: So I warn you now every female Christian out there tests as a two.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm sort of exaggerating that it's not everyone, but there's a large Percentage that do.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_02: In fact, I thought for the longest time I was a two.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_02: I was so what are you?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_02: Well, after lots of research and artwork, I'm a three with a two-wing.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I should say I'm a three.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_02: I thought with a two-wing.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_02: And now, even later on, I've when I really unpack more my childhood and younger years before some of that um nurture aspect comes in.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_02: I'm really probably a three with a four-wing, wired that way.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I was, yeah, I was two with a three-wing.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_02: Which I could I could see that having known you.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_02: Well, now I guess that means I've known you for 10 years.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_02: We moved here 10 years ago.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_02: We would have just gotten together, maybe either before the wedding or after.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_02: Not too long.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_03: It was right after.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_02: So it's so great.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_02: Remember having dinner at your place.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so there's a few ways that you can help narrow it down that I've been learning.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_02: So I'll I'm just gonna run it by you and see if this helps and if it confirms or denies, and then you'll have to do the work and get back to me.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_02: So there are there are two easy ways to cut out six of the numbers and to be able to focus in.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_02: So the first way, the large group, is um kind of your how you how you your instinctive center or how you view the world.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it's considered a triad.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_02: So the first set of triads are um there's a gut triad, so they make a lot of decisions just based on their gut instinct.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_02: Then there's the heart triad, and they make a lot of their decisions through their feelings, or that's the lens.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_02: They feel stuff, their heart feels it, maybe more emotional.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_02: And then the other is their thinking center.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_02: So they're going to um, you know, a lot of it is cerebral.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_02: They're gonna be thinking through stuff.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_02: It's gonna be what they what they thought about it, what they maybe even believed about it, not in their gut, not in their heart, but a little bit more cerebral um based.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_02: So do any of those ring true for you immediately?
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: As much as I'm a feeler, I think that the cerebral one rings true.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: It it would ring true for me, yes.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so the possibility with that is then you would be a seven, a six, or a five.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, their emotional struggle tends to be anxiety, and their core desire is to have security.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're raising your hand.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_02: That would be me.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so if we looked at seven, six, and five, then the two other ways to narrow it down, um, we'll look at two of them.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_02: So the stances, which are considered the second set of triads, this is this word describes how they get what they want.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_02: In order to be able to get security, this is uh their stance in life and how they do things.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: So for you, if you're six, seven, or eight, it could only be you are an assertive type, which means that you tend to go to people.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_02: You're very action-oriented.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_02: And um, when you walk into your like when when three sevens or eights walk into a room, they're the ones that you notice in the crowd.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_02: They tend to draw, they're just more cry um charismatic, strong charisma.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: They draw the attention and they use that as they go to people and create the action to get what they desire, which is um a way to squelch the anxiety and bring about security in their life.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_02: So then the other one, which is a possibility, um and I guess actually now I have to go through all of them because I you could be a six as well.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_02: So the one, two, and six, the posture you would take is more compliant.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um, they tend to move with others and others' feelings.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_02: They tend to do a lot of group thinking.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um they're they're always thinking about what the sci society thinks around them or the people around them think.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_02: So that's compliant.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: Now, do either of those so far ring true, or you're like, no way.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_02: The assertive one.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_02: The assertive one, yeah.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I was thinking of you when I read that.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_02: The second, the third one, which I don't think is you at all, is the withdrawn type.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_02: They tend to look more inward, right, away from people, not really toward their imaginative, but they usually get what they want um by going inside on the inside.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_02: They can withdraw that.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_02: So I think we have eliminated one of them.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: I would say that if there are times that like I'm on the verge of a panic attack, yeah, I might be that, but I would say 99% of the time I'm the assertive charismatic one.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_02: And I for sure I see you in that, and this is where it helps because so much of the anneagram is why you do what you do.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_02: And it's hard to be honest with that sometimes, or oh, for sure.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_02: To you know, to be able to peel all the layers back to go, oh yeah, this is why do I do do why why I do what I do.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_02: But this this stance in particular helps us go, oh, especially people who know us well who have interacted, we can help confirm and deny, oh yeah, for sure, that's what you do.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_02: So based on that, your next job is to look a little bit more into the sevens.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_02: And okay, yeah, because that's where you would fall under.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_02: If you if if those two things are ringing true to you, more thinking um and assertive, that would narrow it down to a seven.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_02: So do a little research and some reading and just see.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_02: And if we I'm excited now, yeah, yeah, I'm excited now.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: And now I want to make now I want to force Eric to take it too.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, do it's so so we did a marriage conference um the beginning of this month, and uh it was fantastic where we led a workshop on the Aneagram.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, and so um we used these ideas to help people narrow it down, but then it was a lot of okay, so now that you understand you, now it's time to look through the lens of your spouse.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_02: Because so much of what we're doing is we want to understand our lens, which is awesome, but really the power comes in when we can look through the lens of others and get a glimpse and the Enneagram spells it out for us.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I understand so much better when Spencer when I'm complaining to him about what someone did or you know, whatever, and he immediately wants to defend the underdog or the other person.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_02: What about me?
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_02: Whose side are you on?
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: I am the right person here.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_02: I you're this is your wife.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_02: Come on.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_02: And it's not that he doesn't believe in me or defend me, but he's like, oh, but I can totally get their perspective.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_02: And so him as a nine, I mean, there's so much there, but a lot of the arguments or even the pain that has come in in our marriage, I'm able to peel back the layers of it and look through his lens and go, oh, that's why it was not personal, it's just how you see things.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_02: And so there's plenty of room for growth in all of that, but there's a whole lot of understanding that can happen for.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's how we're gonna spend our Valentine's night tonight.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be a romantic night of Enneagrams.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, a romantic night of Enneagrams.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's so good.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_02: You'll have to report in, or maybe when you come visit for that morning coffee date.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: I will.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_02: That would be so fun.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_02: We'll have to talk about it.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_02: You may have figured out by now that we love to talk about the Enneagram around here.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_02: And that's because I believe it's one of the best ways to help you understand your creative purpose.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_02: The insights of the Enneagram give a clear-cut path to your best wholehearted life.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_02: And if you're new to the Enneagram, I have several simple ways to become more knowledgeable and closer to better understanding your type.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_02: First, I created an Enneagram quick start guide and an Enneagram summary of all nine types, which gives you a rundown of my favorite resources and the step-by-step discovery process.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_02: It's my free gift to you and easy to download.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_02: Now, if you decide you're interested in learning more about your dominant type, or perhaps you'd like to introduce this helpful resource to your family or business, I am a certified Aneagram coach, and I have a few limited spaces for one-on-one coaching, group teaching, or my five-session special.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_02: Combining the insight of the Aneagram and the truth of the gospel, together we can discover your type and the best path of growth for wholehearted living.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_02: Let's move past the messy middle, get free from the shame-based ending, and reboot your story by better understanding your season to uncover the fruit of your best life.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_02: Not everyone is right for this type of coaching, but if you would like to find out if you'd be a good fit, you can get a free 30-minute consult.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_02: Just get your name on the wait list and I'll be in touch.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_02: The links are in the show notes, and you can find out more at simply wholehearted.com.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, well, I'm kind of curious.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_02: I know you have a wonderful relationship with your mom.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_02: How, you know, holidays, different times like this when she's far away.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_02: How do you process some of that m feeling of motherlessness when physical distance limits your time together?
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_02: Or what you, or even how maybe you would idealize what it would be like to live closer and have her be more involved?
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, we I talked about the downfall of social media and technology earlier, but FaceTime has really been huge for us.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man, yeah.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: Just the day-to-day in and out of everything.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I think that for me, it's not even missing her on Mother's Day.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's more missing her in the everyday.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's the idea that I can't call my mom up and be like, hey, let's go get a Coke or let me take you out for a Coke.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I think that I'm kind of to that point where, you know, as you are adults, you develop this friendship.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's still a mother-daughter relationship, but it's a friendship.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so really wanting to be able to try and meet her needs and feeling like I can't do that.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that she feels the same way for me.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_00: But for me, it's it's just been trying to make the most of that time that we do have together when we're physically together.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: But really, you know, it's it's ultimately come down to how do we stay in touch during the day, the the day-to-day time.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: Can we FaceTime and just being able to see her face?
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think a lot of the time we can read so much into people by their body language or just their facial expressions.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you and usually the second that her face comes up on the screen, I can know, oh yeah, she's having a good day, or she's not having a good day, or whatever the case might be.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think that just trying to be able to stay connected that way uh has really been, you know, really been huge.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: And just ultimately trying to make the most of the time that we have when we are together, you know, my my mom's moms, my grandma, passed away just this last May.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so, and it was a very, you know, she had struggled with health issues her whole entire life.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so it wasn't necessarily a surprise that she passed away, but it was still really devastating uh for both of us.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I truly feel like my grandmother's death actually brought me and my mom a lot closer together because it was like, okay, there's there's that mother-daughter and that grandmother-granddaughter relationship that really is not there anymore, not an active part of our lives.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: And so I feel like that's caused us to, I don't know, just to really lean into one another in a different way ever since that happened.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so I feel like we almost kind of took, I didn't feel like there was maybe any other steps that we could take in our relationship forward, but I feel like that propelled our relationship closer together.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's kind of been interesting these last nine months or so to really kind of discover that new part of that relationship with my mom and figuring out what that looks like for us from a long distance perspective.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's beautiful.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's just so sweet that um that you're able to have access and to see how your relationship could grow further.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's really great.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'm kind of curious to know have you ever felt guilty because you do have a good relationship?
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_02: Because sadly, the majority of what you at least hear is the negative.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_02: There may be some perceived positive because of social media and you get the highlight reel.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_02: But when you dive deeper, has that ever been something that I don't know, that you've just thought that that's a really good question, actually.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: I have not felt any guilt with that with my mom, but I have felt that with my mother-in-law because while I have a very different relationship with my mother-in-law than I do my mom, I have an out of this world great relationship with my mother-in-law.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so it is very interesting to me because I have two good relationships right there.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_02: And you have one very close because you're in close property.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_00: My mother-in-law just lives across the field from us.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we can see their roof-lying, you know, they're roof-line right over the hill out here at the farm.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I think I have found more guilt in that because I talk to a lot of other women who are just really broken over their lack of relationship or their very strained relationship, or even how they feel like it's a three-person marriage with them, their husband, and their mother-in-law.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and helping them.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: And yes.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think that is where I have felt more guilt.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_00: Interesting.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because, you know, because I have that.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes even I feel guilt be with my mom because I'm close, physically closer to my mother-in-law.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so I feel that guilt that I'm not there.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: I really struggled with that when we moved.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I think transition and change, and even good transition and change, is still hard and it still comes with a lot of negative emotions, even if it's a good thing for you and your family.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I really struggled with guilt with that because I felt like I was leaving my family.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like I'm specifically leaving my mom.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, and she had some of those feelings as well, just that sadness.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think I really struggled with that, knowing that physically I was going to be closer to my mother-in-law.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I have been really uh I I truly believe that that's why I am who I am today, is that I have two very different but very good relationships with the mother figures in my life.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, both of them have poured into me spiritually in different ways over the years and in different seasons of my life.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's I I do feel that guilt sometimes.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_00: But then I think it's been a great example for me because when I have a daughter-in-law, hopefully someday with when Deacon gets married, I hope that I can take the best of both my mother and my mother-in-law, and then give that to a relationship with my daughter-in-law someday, and be able to love her with the love of Christ and be able to still love my son, but let him be a husband, you know, and let him be a dad.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so I feel like I've gotten really good examples from both of those women in my life.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_02: I think that is so encouraging because uh time and time again we hear again, you know, the more negative pieces of the relationships, but to know it's possible because oftentimes when I'm sit in circles of women and the the pain of mother-in-laws, the pain of motherlessness with their own moms, one form or fashion, I go, is it possible to do this well?
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_02: Is it possible?
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not gonna be a perfect mom, but can I can I have a form of relationship with my adult children that they can be those few who go, Well, I I can grieve with you, but but this is what I do have as an example of what could be had in your life someday, which uh anyway, I just think it's awesome and super encouraging because that's what I want with my kids.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that you I think sometimes we romanticize maybe the idea of that some days in this in this place of well, this is gonna be perfect, and this is you know, and I've had to look at my own family and extended family and grieve some of that because there's been there are some areas in my family and an extended family that are painful.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_00: And there are some places that I've had to be like, oh, this didn't turn out how I thought it was going to, or this look the way that I thought it was going to look, but then I can still look and see, okay, this didn't work out, or this isn't how I thought, but this is where but God's been very faithful, and so I can celebrate that and I can uh be okay with it not being okay, essentially.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I can celebrate those good places and just be just be really joyful for what God's given us in our family.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and we have talked about that a lot and just the sense of okay, so it's not how you want it to be, but expectations are oftentimes just setting us up.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_02: I think we should have holy anticipation for what God wants for us and intends for us.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_02: But the ex the and someone's argued with me, I don't think they're wrong expectations, and so I I always know don't know what to call them, but expectations in general can get us our our reality out of whack.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_02: And so when we have this grand expectation of what our interaction is going to be with our mom or our mother-in-law, and they fail to meet it, or we fail to meet it in some way, then we're just living in disappointment.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_02: And so the challenge has been okay, so it's not how you want it to be, but what is, and what can you do about it, and how can you be grateful and move to that place of thankfulness for what you do have.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I think so often when we ourselves get caught up in these unrealistic expectations that we have, right?
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_00: We often project those onto our children as well.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that the truth?
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then and then we're giving all of these expectations to them and we're setting them up to fail before they even try.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I have really just been convicted about that the last few years uh in mothering and just how I have the unbelievable opportunity as a mom to set the tone of my home.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that the truth?
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_00: With the expectations that I set for myself, but also for my kids.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, like you said, am I setting them up for an expectation of holy living and putting that within their reach?
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_00: Or am I setting the expectations up so lofty that they're just like clamoring and jumping and trying to reach it and they never can because I've given them the wrong expectation.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so, how do you find that um that holy balance, like what you said?
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it ultimately comes down to God's word and what we're setting those expectations in.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_00: But man, it can be so hard because I think that when we're used to setting those expectations for ourselves that are unrealistic, we do it so blindly and unknowingly to our kids.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_00: And gosh, it breaks their little hearts when because I know I feel ashamed when or embarrassed when I can't reach an expectation I've set for myself or something, a relationship doesn't work out the way that I thought it was going to.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that it breaks my heart, and I have all these coping mechanisms, right?
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like as an adult and as a mom, but my kids, those aren't developed in them yet.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so if I'm if I'm setting up these expectations for them day after day and they're failing, that puts shame in their little hearts.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_00: That puts embarrassment.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so am I am I cultivating a home that gives them expectations of Jesus and who he is?
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or am I just trying to have them strive for this false perfection of the world that I'm trying to set up for them?
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's I think it's important that you evaluate those expectations that you have daily, whether it be with a relationship with a family member or in the home.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we have to, as John Chris says, we have to check our heart.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like check your heart, like where are you at?
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you have to do that every day, you know, and and that's where in scripture it says, you know, you're going to be renewed day by day.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just, well, like a one and done deal.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you have to check in and check in every day with where the expectations of your heart are.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's a great takeaway.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_02: Cultivate their hearts for Christ and his word and that hunger instead of these ideals, false ideals.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's rich.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so I've got three rapid fire questions for you.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_02: And um, and then I want to s I would love it if you well, I'll we'll ask that and then we'll go to our last thing.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_02: So all right.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_02: What is your vice in surviving motherhood?
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_02: So you're asking me where I fail.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_02: Uh no, okay.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_02: What's your vice as in what is your go to vice?
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: When things get a little stressful in the Eberspocker home.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_00: When things get stressful, so my initial reaction when three things get stressful is I clean.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_02: This is yes, this is so resonating with many women, right?
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_02: Control.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I get exactly it's control.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_00: I can control this and I get all sorts of ragey.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, like my chest gets blotchy, I get sweaty.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_00: I just am like running rampant, and I'm like, why is this house not clean?
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's not about the cleanliness of the house.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_02: No, not at all.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_02: Has nothing to do with it.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_00: But all of a sudden, I'm just like freaking out.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm getting blotchy just thinking about it.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_02: So that's a great answer.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_02: That is so good.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_00: So yes, but instead, what I found is that like I can start to do that, and then Eric kind of gives me the eye, like, like you're going crazy.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that isn't that is normally when I have to like take myself back, and I'm like, you need a Coke or you need a coffee, yeah, or something like that.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I just go and sit on the floor in my laundry room and I take five minutes.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_00: But that is my like like ragey cleaning.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, okay.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_02: So what we like to say in our house, the look is simmer down hot sauce, and go get some chocolate, go get a LaCroix.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Eric.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_00: Eric, Eric calls it going ape crap.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's the Christian version of something else.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_00: But he's like, You're going ape crap crazy.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_00: You need you need to calm down.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, exactly.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_02: That's good.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's a great answer.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_02: Now, based on your book description, I think I know what the answer will be.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_02: But did you like or dislike pregnancy?
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_00: I actually, when I wasn't barfing, I loved it.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_00: I loved it.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_00: I I actually really did.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_00: I loved pregnancy, but I barfed for about four or five months.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and you you look so cute, but at that is just brutal for us women who suffered with not being able to eat or keep things down.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_02: Uh it is really tough.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_00: But like I love the feeling of a baby moving around in me.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_00: I love having a growing belly.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_00: I love how great my hair looks when I'm pregnant.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like I love it.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_00: I love the excitement of it.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_00: I hate throwing up.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I throw up probably seven or eight times a day for about four or five months when I'm pregnant.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_02: That is tough.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so I realize I'm asking this on a podcast and I can edit it, but will there be a fourth Ever Spocker in the future?
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_02: Or are we good at it?
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, that's a good question.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's actually something that we're praying through right now, just because, and you probably know this, uh, my depression and anxiety are still a very big, it's just a big part of this season that we're in.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_00: It we don't know if that will always be an owl part.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but you know, I had really severe postpartum depression after Deacon.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it's tough, man.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_00: It is tough.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_00: And Deacon is we love him, but we don't always like him.
• 47:24
  unknown: Yes.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_02: It's really I was ready to sell a couple of my kids yesterday, so I know, I know.
• 47:32
  SPEAKER_00: And as the meme says, you put them on Etsy because you can get more for them because you made them yourself.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's hilarious.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_00: But but I I think that we would like another one, whether we biologically have one or we would adopt.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_00: That is definitely uh a question right now.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that's something fine that you know I that we talk about with other people and and share.
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, so I think that we can just say that we're praying about it.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks for indulging me.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's a great answer.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, always.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, and last one, most what was most startling about motherhood?
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_02: I know the list is long, but I know there's a lot of startling things about motherhood.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think that the thing that startled me the most was how unlike myself I felt and still sometimes feel.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_00: I kind of went into motherhood naively, thinking that there would be this sense of yeah, like a sense of fulfillment and completion because because motherhood was going to become this huge new part of my identity, and I thought that that was going to be a seamless transition because I had always wanted to be a mom.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_00: I always felt like God called me to be a mom.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then I felt so unlike myself.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that that was what startled me.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I think ultimately you have to realize that you really become a new person when you become a mom.
• 49:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's almost like you have to re-get to know who you are.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe not even re-get to know who you are, but discover who you are.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because all of a sudden there's this place in your heart that you didn't know was there before.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_00: And they lay that baby on your chest, and it's like, I love this little person, but I'm terrified of this little person.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think just this whole feeling of why do I not feel like myself if this is such a huge part of my life now?
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think that was the part that startled me the most, hands down.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_00: And how and I I'm truly startled at how little sleep I can function on.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's also very strange.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's also rapid and supernatural.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_00: It is, it really truly is.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I would say that those two things have uh shocked me the most.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_02: I know everyone listening to this conversation wants to be your BFF and go have coffee with you because that's just who you are.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_02: That's just your person and your God-given gift.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but what they can do is go get your book.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_02: And those mamas out there who need some encouragement, what can they can you give us a little highlight besides the beautiful cover, um, which that is real?
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um, what can they expect in some of the format and the the takeaway that they can get from this book?
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, the the whole reason behind Midnight Lullabies was I was really tired of getting together with my friends and having conversations where all we did was commiserate.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 50:37
  SPEAKER_00: It was like, I'm struggling, I'm in the season.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then a friend would say, Oh, yeah, me too, but just hang in there.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a season.
• 50:45
  SPEAKER_00: This too shall pass.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I walked away like I'm not alone, but I'm still defeated.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, I don't know how to get through this motion.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_00: This shall pass is not enough to get through it.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_00: No, and even though it feels good in the moment because you're validated that you're not alone, right?
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, there has to be more.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_00: There has to be more.
• 51:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so simultaneously, I'm getting all of these messages from thousands of other women all over the world saying the same thing.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, okay, this is a thing.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we have to know how to work through the emotions of motherhood, but we can't look to the rest of the world to do it.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_00: We have to look at the gospel, we have to look into God's word and believe that he is who he says that he is, and he can do what he says that he can do by his spirit in our motherhood.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so we tangibly walk through 31 days in midnight lullabies to go through the rawest emotions of motherhood through the lens of the Bible.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of it is storytelling on my part.
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_00: I love storytelling.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's thank you.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_00: I think that that's what one of the things that moms love to do is to sit around and talk about their day and exchange stories.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so I want it to feel like you're sitting at my table with some pie and coffee, and I'm just telling you about man, this is why it's hard.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_00: But this is what God's word says about it.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_00: And each day it gives you one tangible tool to step back into the peace of Jesus.
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_00: So this is what you're dealing with with your emotion.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_00: This is what God's word says about it, and this is how you can take a step towards the peace of Christ.
• 52:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because so many women, we look to the world and it's like, I have to do a million things to get my life back to where it needs to be.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_00: But each day, midnight lullaby says, okay, this is what you're struggling with.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_00: This is one thing, just one thing that you can do every single day that is going to help you work through this emotion of motherhood.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_00: One of the other things that I really enjoy doing each night on my Facebook page is I pray for moms.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_01: You do?
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know that.
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, that's beautiful.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_00: Every night there is a prayer.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_00: I've been doing it for about six months now.
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_00: There's a prayer every night for a different type of mom.
• 53:07
  SPEAKER_00: Women are always told, well, just go pray about it.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I get told by so many women, I don't know how to pray.
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_00: What do I say?
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_00: Praying is very vulnerable, but it's also very um people feel like they're unworthy.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_00: And they're very intimidated for it.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's a prayer then at the end of each day for a woman to specifically pray, God, this is the emotion that I'm struggling with.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I hand it over to you.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_00: These are the characteristics of who you are, and I want you to pour them out over me by your spirit.
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so not only do you get a story each day of my crazy fun life, but you get God's truth and scripture, you get a tangible way for how you can apply it to your life, but then you also get an invitation to pray and really just lay that emotion at the feet of Jesus.
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so it starts with the security that we have in Christ, and then it goes all the way to a life of being uh redeemed as a mother.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then you have that invitation in that last chapter then to say, you know, I've gone through all this and essentially been discipled through these emotions the last month.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_00: It can't just stop here with me.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's an invitation at the end then to go and get another book and give it to another mom that you know is struggling and then go through it with her for a month because that's the thing.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's so overwhelming to feel alone.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it is.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, but to have another mom, right?
• 54:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, but then to have another mom and another woman to say, I struggle with this too.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about this, let's keep each other accountable.
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's just gonna be a beautiful way.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_00: My prayer is that there is just this huge ripple effect for the kingdom through motherhood through through midnight lullabies, and that women can have their motherhood redeemed and ultimately come to a place um in their walk with the Lord that is just beautiful and real and raw and vulnerable.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so that is that is my prayer in Midnight Lullabies that women can just be redeemed through their walk with God.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_02: You are brilliant, friends.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_02: I love every single piece of it.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_02: So many women are gonna be blessed by this work.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_00: So good.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and you can buy it wherever books are sold.
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_00: April, April 9th is when it comes out, it'll be a great Mother's Day gift.
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, it is a perfect Mother's Day gift.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe even the shelves of Target, we could look for it because we always want a book to go to Target and go buy it there.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_02: Fingers crossed.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_02: Fingers crossed.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_02: Good thing for an author.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, for all of those listening, if your friend's book goes to Target, go buy every single copy.
• 55:46
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 55:47
  SPEAKER_00: I love that advice.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love you.
• 55:50
  SPEAKER_02: I love this.
• 55:51
  SPEAKER_02: I wish I didn't have more recordings because we would talk all morning.
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_02: And tell Eric thank you.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_02: I saw him sneak in the back with the kids.
• 56:03
  SPEAKER_02: Man, I just love Lauren.
• 56:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I sure hope that you've enjoyed this conversation as much as I did.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_02: Minute lullabies is the perfect gift to give this Mother's Day.
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_02: And to any new moms in your life.
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_02: I know I'm stocking up on a few as Archer seems to be having an ongoing baby boom.
• 56:21
  SPEAKER_02: So if you need a copy for yourself, you might grab one today off of Amazon, or you might want to stock our social media feeds for a chance to win this book, or one of our many giveaways that we have each week.
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_02: I put all the links in the show notes.
• 56:37
  SPEAKER_02: Be sure and stay tuned next week as we continue our series on motherhood.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_02: Also, our 100th episode is coming up with NMA.
• 56:45
  SPEAKER_02: I cannot believe how many amazing conversations there are to have.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_02: I would sure love help celebrating by reaching 100 reviews on iTunes so as to let others know which episodes are your favorite and why you like the podcast.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_02: We only need a little bit more to go, and I know we have thousands of downloads a month, so it should be easy to reach the hundred goal in no time.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_02: Let's continue to invite others to join us as we continue to pursue perspective, purpose, and plans for a simply wholehearted life.