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Transcript

What's It Called When You REACT To A Narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Yep. What is going on, beautiful
• 0:02
  folks? Today we're going to be
• 0:04
  answering the question, what is it called when you react big to
• 0:09
  a narcissist? When you when your reactions are
• 0:11
  over the top to what a narcissist is doing, when you
• 0:13
  start throwing stuff, swinging on them, screaming at them and
• 0:17
  you look, you kind of look crazy sometimes, right?
• 0:20
  What is that called? If you're new here, my name is
• 0:23
  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:24
  And welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
• 0:26
  Let's get it. Welcome back, folks.
• 0:47
  Yes, what the hell, Lee? Just answer the question.
• 0:50
  Don't prolong it. Just give us the answer and
• 0:53
  don't try to tell us to check your website out for coaching
• 0:56
  and courses and things like that.
• 0:57
  Don't do that Lee. Just tell us the answer right
• 0:59
  now so we can go about our day. Why can't I do both?
• 1:02
  Why can't I tell you by my website that and also give you
• 1:07
  an answer. Yeah, we're talking about today.
• 1:10
  We're talking about reactive abuse.
• 1:12
  If you didn't know, we're talking about reactive abuse.
• 1:15
  When you look. Yeah.
• 1:18
  When narcissist catch you looking crazy, you know when
• 1:21
  they when they catch you acting out of character, when you look
• 1:24
  like the abuser, right. When you look abusive.
• 1:28
  So if you Google reactive abuse, right, it says describes
• 1:32
  reactive abuse, describes situations where a person who
• 1:35
  has endured, who has endured sustained abusive behavior
• 1:39
  reacts aggressively towards their abuser.
• 1:43
  You, the abuse, the abusee reacts aggressively to the
• 1:48
  abuser. You react out of character, you
• 1:50
  go out of character and whatnot. You look like the aggressor.
• 1:54
  In certain situations, they can position you to look like the
• 1:57
  aggressor. Like when you're like, let's
• 1:58
  just say this right happens. Let me give you a quick
• 2:00
  situation right here. This is just a quick example.
• 2:03
  Let's say they throw something at you.
• 2:05
  They, they launch something that you write, you get hit in the
• 2:08
  face and now you're screaming and your veins popping out your
• 2:12
  arm, you're swinging on them. And guess what happens?
• 2:15
  They pull the phone out and only, the only thing the world
• 2:17
  sees is you swinging. The only thing the world sees is
• 2:21
  you launching a you launching this attack on them.
• 2:24
  That's all they see. They don't see anything else
• 2:26
  other than you launching this attack on them.
• 2:29
  You look like the abusive person right there.
• 2:31
  That's how they they saw. Some narcissistic persons can
• 2:35
  trigger you to to look like the abuser, to look like the toxic
• 2:40
  person, to look like the manipulator.
• 2:42
  That's what it's called y'all. When you have an over the top
• 2:46
  reaction to what they're doing when they are poking you,
• 2:48
  poking, poking, poking, poking poking and you finally had
• 2:52
  enough. Like when they're poking you and
• 2:53
  prodding you and you finally had enough and you just snap.
• 2:57
  You snap and you lose your damn mind.
• 3:00
  So now you look abusive. You look like the aggressor.
• 3:05
  I know what people going to say though, Lee, I don't like the
• 3:08
  term reactive abuse. I really don't like that it it's
• 3:11
  I can't stand the term you because it's not abuse.
• 3:14
  You're not the abuser. You're not abusive.
• 3:17
  You're not yo, you look abusive. This and This is why I'm saying
• 3:20
  this is what I'm telling you. Optics.
• 3:22
  It's the optics, right? It's how it looks.
• 3:25
  You look like the abuser now. This is why I'm this is y'all.
• 3:28
  This is why I'm so big on people like controlling on telling
• 3:32
  people you have to control your reactions.
• 3:35
  You have to. Y'all know y'all see my shirt?
• 3:37
  This is my favorite shirt, y'all, it's hard to let it go.
• 3:40
  It's my speed. This is my speed racing shirt.
• 3:42
  Y'all got to be old enough for speed racing, right?
• 3:44
  Yeah. I, I work out in the shirt and
• 3:46
  it ripped the arm. Look, I ain't saying the arms
• 3:49
  got too big, but they look they do.
• 3:51
  A family, man, they do a little stuff.
• 3:54
  You know me. No, I'm joking.
• 3:57
  I'm feeling good though, y'all. I'm blessed.
• 3:58
  I'm so thankful, y'all. I'm just so I'm really am
• 4:01
  thankful, you know, I mean, in order.
• 4:02
  There's a lot of doom and gloom out there in the world because
• 4:06
  of elections every every four years.
• 4:07
  Every four you can go back to you going to look at my Facebook
• 4:10
  every four years. I'm I always I'm this is my
• 4:14
  starting point, my for my trajectory to change my family's
• 4:16
  life, regardless of who the president is.
• 4:18
  I know that comes from it seems like it's come from a place of
• 4:21
  privilege. I understand that, but as a
• 4:22
  black man in America, that's kind of crazy.
• 4:24
  It's coming from a place of privilege, right?
• 4:26
  I'm just working, you know, so just put the work in y'all just
• 4:29
  put the work in love thy neighbor, love them.
• 4:33
  Don't love what they can do for you.
• 4:34
  Love your neighbor and set up people business.
• 4:38
  But yes, y'all, I know people don't like the term reactive
• 4:41
  abuse because it sounds like you're the abuser, but it's
• 4:43
  about the optics. This is why in my support group,
• 4:47
  I tell people you have to get control of your reactions,
• 4:49
  control what you can control. You have to get control of the
• 4:54
  things that you absolutely have control over.
• 4:58
  Well, Lee, what do I have control over?
• 4:59
  You can't control them. That's what I feel like this is
• 5:02
  one thing that we have to understand.
• 5:03
  You absolutely cannot control that person, right?
• 5:08
  You know you cannot control them.
• 5:12
  You there's nothing you can do that that you cannot control
• 5:14
  that person. That person is going to be them.
• 5:16
  That person is going to do them. That person is going to behave
• 5:19
  in a way that they want to behave.
• 5:20
  You cannot control a narcissistic person, right?
• 5:23
  One thing you can control is you.
• 5:26
  You can control yourself, how you react, how you behave,
• 5:30
  right? This is these are things that
• 5:31
  you can control like you like know, like you have to know your
• 5:36
  opponent, right? You have to know your opponent.
• 5:39
  You have to know the person that you're going up against, because
• 5:42
  that's extremely important in any situations, right?
• 5:44
  You absolutely have to know the person that you're up against.
• 5:49
  It's kind of like you have to learn your enemy like this is a
• 5:52
  damn, a battle, a war. You have to learn your enemy.
• 5:55
  You have to learn your opponent. You have to learn this person.
• 5:59
  You know what triggers them, because guess what they
• 6:02
  absolutely absolutely know what triggers you.
• 6:06
  They absolutely do y'all. This is my reaction page right
• 6:08
  here check it out. I do reaction videos over there,
• 6:11
  Lee actions, Lee dot actions, but they absolutely know what
• 6:16
  triggers you right? So you have to learn what
• 6:19
  triggers them. You have to learn your own
• 6:22
  triggers. Like this is a self discovery as
• 6:24
  well, right? This is a self discovery journey
• 6:26
  because we have to learn what triggers us in order to be able
• 6:29
  to move forward. We have to learn what triggers
• 6:31
  us to be able to protect ourselves and to grow and to
• 6:34
  heal and to do all the other stuff that we want to, we
• 6:36
  actively want to do. This is the stuff we have to do.
• 6:39
  You have to learn the important things about yourself as well,
• 6:43
  right? This is absolutely what you need
• 6:45
  to do. You know what I mean?
• 6:47
  This is absolutely what you need to do in order to protect
• 6:51
  yourself. In order to to control your
• 6:52
  reactions, you must, you must know what makes you react.
• 6:56
  I sound like a damn sensei. Don't I sound like a sensei
• 6:59
  right there, Like I'm we about to do some damn like we about to
• 7:02
  do some karate or something. I know what it's like in order
• 7:04
  to I sound like Yoda, right? Control door.
• 7:07
  There is no reactions. It's react or do not react or
• 7:10
  whatever, right? But it's like in order to
• 7:13
  control your reactions, you must first know what makes you react.
• 7:19
  You must learn your own triggers.
• 7:21
  Because guess what? That toxic narcissistic person,
• 7:24
  what whether it be your parent, your best friend, your cousin,
• 7:27
  your sister, your brother, whoever they are, your boss,
• 7:30
  your Co worker, whoever they are, they know what triggers
• 7:32
  you. So you need to know what
• 7:34
  triggers you. So when it when you're faced
• 7:35
  with it, you can take a deep breath and you cannot react to
• 7:39
  it. Or you can give a different
• 7:41
  appropriate reaction like you can.
• 7:43
  Just you. Sometimes you have to protect
• 7:44
  your peace, y'all. Sometimes you have to predict
• 7:46
  your beats. I know, I know.
• 7:47
  Yeah, I know. I got some of my people that
• 7:50
  follow me. I know, Lee.
• 7:52
  I'm don't see. I'm gonna use how people talk to
• 7:54
  me. Lee, Fuck that.
• 7:56
  Why we got to play? Why we got to play nice?
• 7:57
  Why? Why we have to control our
• 7:58
  reactions? Why I got to control myself.
• 8:01
  They don't control themselves. Why do I have to do this?
• 8:03
  Because you're going to. Look, if you don't learn how to
• 8:05
  control your reactions, you might be the one that has
• 8:07
  charges pressed against you, right?
• 8:10
  Because regardless of what you've done for them, right,
• 8:12
  regardless of whatever you've done for them to protect
• 8:15
  yourself and it's kind of escape, your kind of escape this
• 8:17
  situation, they're going to press charges against you like
• 8:20
  Willie. They, they hit me, they put
• 8:23
  their hands on me. They did this, they, they, they
• 8:25
  did this, they did that. And I didn't press charges
• 8:27
  against them, But I can guarant damn well to you that they're
• 8:30
  going to press charges against you.
• 8:32
  They would do the same. They would do it against you.
• 8:34
  There's people in my comment section.
• 8:35
  I posted a short video today with the the Mickey Mouse
• 8:38
  Clubhouse intro. It's like this is a surprise
• 8:40
  tool we could use. This is a surprise tool.
• 8:42
  They can help us later. I use that sound right.
• 8:44
  There's people in the comment section say, damn, Lee, I got
• 8:46
  charges against me like my my husband threw threw a threw
• 8:50
  something at me, threw a threw a lamp at me and the lamp broke.
• 8:56
  I picked up the piece of glass and I threw it at him and I cut
• 8:59
  him and I got charges present against me.
• 9:01
  Nobody cared how to let nobody cared that he threw the lamp at
• 9:03
  me. They carried it.
• 9:04
  I threw the piece of glass at him from the broken lamp and it
• 9:07
  cut him. And now people are mad at me.
• 9:09
  Now I got charges against me and her husband will not drop the
• 9:12
  charges. Yeah, I did a one-on-one with
• 9:14
  this woman. one-on-one is everything is available mental
• 9:16
  illness like that. I did a one-on-one with this
• 9:18
  woman. She said her husband refuses to
• 9:20
  drop the charges against her after the incident, and he's the
• 9:24
  one that drives her. They ride to court together.
• 9:27
  Yeah. They ride to court together.
• 9:28
  And they sit on separate sides of the courtroom, like defendant
• 9:32
  and plaintiff. They rode to court together.
• 9:33
  They're sitting on separate sides of the courtroom.
• 9:35
  And he's refusing to drop the charges on her.
• 9:36
  They're not going to divorce her.
• 9:38
  Wants to teach her a lesson. I was like, she's like, she's
• 9:41
  like, I don't know what to do. I was like, there's a few days
• 9:43
  you can do right here, You know what I mean?
• 9:45
  There's a few days you might, you can do right here.
• 9:47
  You know what I mean? Because at the end of the day,
• 9:49
  you absolutely need to protect yourself.
• 9:52
  This is yeah, this is a non negotiable.
• 9:54
  This is one of the things you cannot negotiate with.
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  You cannot negotiate with protecting yourself and
• 9:58
  defending yourself and doing this type of stuff right here.
• 10:00
  You cannot. It's one of those things you
• 10:02
  can, it's a non negotiable. You have to protect yourself.
• 10:05
  And protecting yourself means sometimes not reacting to the
• 10:08
  stuff that they're doing, not reacting to their intentionally
• 10:10
  to them intentionally trying to trigger you, Right?
• 10:13
  That's what it means. This is literally what it means.
• 10:16
  Like you have to protect your peace.
• 10:17
  Well, Lee, I'm tired. I want to match the energy,
• 10:19
  y'all. You don't have to match their
• 10:21
  energy. If you already bring, you
• 10:23
  already know what energy you're bringing.
• 10:25
  But if you already have in your mind that you are going to, if
• 10:29
  you already have in your mind what you are going to bring to
• 10:31
  the table today, what attitude that you're going to have today
• 10:34
  or energy that you're bringing today, regardless of what they
• 10:36
  bring that you don't have to match their energy.
• 10:39
  You're already bringing yours to the table.
• 10:40
  You know what I mean? This is why I just tell so many
• 10:42
  people like you are in control. You don't, you might not think
• 10:46
  that you are, but there's a lot of control that you have in the
• 10:48
  situation. Understand what you do have
• 10:52
  control over because that is so important.
• 10:55
  Y'all, I'm telling you right now, understand the things that
• 10:58
  you have control over because that's important.
• 11:00
  You can't control them, Lee. I want them to change, go back
• 11:02
  to who they were. They're not, they're not going
• 11:05
  to go back to who they were because that doesn't benefit
• 11:08
  them. Like if in my mind as a
• 11:10
  narcissist, right, why would I go back to who I was if I'm
• 11:14
  still getting served for who I am right now, if I'm still
• 11:17
  getting my needs met and this is low effort, this is low energy,
• 11:21
  why would I go back to who I was in the beginning?
• 11:24
  Why would I do anything to change my behaviors if I'm still
• 11:27
  getting what I want by acting like this, by behaving like
• 11:30
  this? Why would I go back to who I was
• 11:33
  if who I am now it's easier this I'm still getting served, I'm
• 11:37
  still getting my next, So why would I go back to who I was if
• 11:45
  I'm still getting what I need and what I want?
• 11:47
  That's something you have to answer for yourself, Y'all.
• 11:50
  You see how that's the mind of an artist.
• 11:51
  It's black and white thinking. You are thinking you got a
• 11:54
  different, you got a lot of different things in your mind
• 11:56
  that you're working on, right? You got a lot of different
• 11:58
  things that in your mind that you're working on trying to
• 12:00
  figure how things work. They are black and white, one or
• 12:03
  the other. There's no middle ground.
• 12:05
  It's one or the other. You are just like, well, we can
• 12:07
  meet right here in the middle. Things can work.
• 12:09
  No, I don't want to meet y'all as an artist.
• 12:10
  I don't want to meet in the middle.
• 12:13
  I don't want to meet in the middle.
• 12:14
  I want you to come across, you know, I want you to come across
• 12:17
  that middle line and meet me closer to my side.
• 12:19
  This is crazy how this is always crazy.
• 12:22
  I want you to meet me closer to my side.
• 12:24
  I absolutely do. So this is one of the position
• 12:26
  that so many people fall into. You have to protect yourself.
• 12:29
  You absolutely do y'all. I don't keep repeating that, but
• 12:31
  you keep repeating it because it's important.
• 12:34
  It's important. You want, you want bigger orange
• 12:36
  on bigger legs, You want a healthier mind.
• 12:38
  You have to. There's certain things you have
• 12:39
  to repeat, right? Repeat a healthier routine.
• 12:42
  You'll become a healthier person, point blank, period.
• 12:46
  That's the scope. That's the grand scheme of
• 12:47
  everything. That's the scope of it.
• 12:48
  All right there, right? So I would like to, I want y'all
• 12:51
  to win. This is me wanting y'all to win.
• 12:53
  This is me creating screaming to the rooftops for y'all to win.
• 12:56
  Because I know at the end of the day, that's extremely important
• 12:59
  for everybody, including you. It's extremely important for
• 13:03
  everybody, including yourself, as you decide to keep moving
• 13:06
  forward and as you decide to keep healing and growing and
• 13:09
  whatnot. Those are important steps in the
• 13:11
  right direction because reactive abuse can ruin y'all.
• 13:14
  Reactive abuse can ruin your life.
• 13:16
  It absolutely can. Like all it takes is 1 episode
• 13:19
  of reactive abuse to throw you in jail, get your kids taken
• 13:22
  away. Have you going to have you going
• 13:25
  community service or doing a doing time in jail?
• 13:28
  Losing your job, losing your career, losing your, your
• 13:30
  government clearance, losing like losing everything you've
• 13:33
  worked so hard for. All it takes is one instant of
• 13:36
  reactive abuse and one instant of dealing with a toxic,
• 13:39
  unappreciative, manipulative, narcissistic bastard.
• 13:42
  That's all it takes. And then they feel like they got
• 13:44
  you. They feel like they got you.
• 13:46
  Then that's what you have to understand right there.
• 13:48
  They feel like they have you did.
• 13:49
  So you have to protect yourself, your future, your kids future,
• 13:52
  your kids, peace, your kids, mental health, everybody.
• 13:55
  Look, it's not fair. I know it's not fair, y'all?
• 13:58
  If it was fair, it's not going to be fair.
• 14:02
  Now you understand what you're going through.
• 14:03
  Now you can make the necessary changes.
• 14:05
  I know it's hard to leave this type of person alone.
• 14:08
  I'm not telling you to leave them alone.
• 14:09
  This is that's the decision you have to make on your own.
• 14:11
  I'm telling you understand the things that you are in control
• 14:16
  of. Do not give them the reaction
• 14:18
  that they're that they're trying to get because some of them will
• 14:20
  absolutely try to set you off on purpose.
• 14:23
  Some of them will they like to try to set you off on purpose
• 14:26
  because they get a high off of it.
• 14:28
  So if one thing doesn't work out, narcissists try to learn
• 14:31
  everything. A lot of they try to learn
• 14:33
  everything that will trigger you.
• 14:34
  So if one thing doesn't work, they'll try another thing.
• 14:37
  If that thing doesn't work, they'll try another thing.
• 14:40
  If that one doesn't work, they'll try another thing.
• 14:41
  And if all else fails, they'll try to get physically violent
• 14:45
  with you and they record your reaction to their physical
• 14:47
  violence. Even if they hit you and you're
• 14:50
  in the corner screaming and crying, they'll still record
• 14:52
  that and try to make it seem like something is wrong with
• 14:54
  you. Like, look at this person over
• 14:55
  here and look at them in the corner crying.
• 14:57
  They're crazy. I told y'all they were crazy,
• 14:59
  blah blah blah, Boo Boo Boo BBB. I just want y'all to win y'all.
• 15:04
  Anyway, y'all, check out my support group, my court, my
• 15:06
  coaching courses at support.group@mentalillness.net.
• 15:09
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  as always y'all mental illness is out.
• 15:31
  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
• 15:32
  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
• 15:35
  Have no idea. If you haven't already, make
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  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
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  Help us reach more people and click on the screen to watch
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• 15:48
  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
• 15:49
  I will see you in the next video.
• 15:51
  Peace.