Latest / The Uncommons / Your Financial Ceiling Has Nothing to Do With Money | Ep 25
Transcript
- Parisa Bady: people say they want to be wealthy, they want to generate a lot of money, but most people continue to have financial struggles. And I think there must be a reason there. No matter what I did, I could not go above a certain financial threshold. Especially my net worth. Can you say you want financial abundance while carrying beliefs that actually reject wealth? And it all comes down to this Financial ceiling that is got nothing to do with money. There was a time that we were losing what a hundred four hundred K a month, half a million a month. More six hundred K a month. Yeah. I feel like the more I focus on getting it and getting it and getting it, the farther away I am from getting it. Hi, welcome to the Uncommons podcast, where we discuss what it really takes to build a meaningful life. I'm Parisa. Paige. Guess what we're gonna talk about today? Money! Ooh. All right. A topic that everybody avoids at all costs. Yeah. I mean a lot of people do. Myself included. I want to talk about living in abundant mindset versus scarcity. A lot of people say they want to be wealthy, they want to generate a lot of money. But most people continue to have financial struggles. And I think there must be a reason there. Right. I don't think it comes back to how hard we work, because a lot of people work really hard and they still stay stuck. I don't think it has to do with the type of job we have or the industry we're in. And I don't think a lot of people know. if money ultimately will bring him happiness or not. They think it would. But then there are many wealthy people who are not entirely happy. That's right. Can you say you want financial abundance while carrying beliefs that actually reject wealth? I think those are two opposite things. And I know personally for a fact that I struggled with this and My struggle was that no matter what I did, I could not go above a certain financial threshold. Especially my net worth. Things would happen that are completely that come from the left field. It's almost like a thermostat. That my thermostat was set at a certain point. And as soon as this thermostat started going up and the number go w went up. All of a sudden, some shit would happen and it will bring me right back down. Out of nowhere. Out of nowhere. It's kind of funny that we talked about this because in the past year or two, mainly the past year, I've spent so much time and energy on understanding the science behind wealth. I have four coaches now. Four. My husband is a little intense. We can't tell. And ⁓ can't do a little bit. And I've been able to align these different types of coaches that I got. And it all comes down to this financial ceiling that is got nothing to do with money. So there is a financial ceiling, whether we know it exists or not. I think at one point. The majority of the people, at least that I've come across with have that. There's some people that I don't think they do. I'm not sure maybe they do, and you know maybe their feelings are really high. Like like look at Elon Musk, right? That fucker's out of control. Like he's brilliant. He was the main speaker at Abundance 360 last year, which I'm part of, which has got all the very int you know, intense, high-end ⁓ interesting people in the tech world and and ⁓ longevity and and AI. And he was the k the keynote speaker. And I sat there and I listened to this guy, and I've seen how his brain has increased and improved throughout the you know decades. So even his ceiling has moved up. I believe so. Now he's got access to incredible people and Yes, but do you think p people's ceiling can actually go up? Yes. Has yours moved? Mine has definitely moved. ⁓ yes, for sure. And it it wasn't easy. Still not easy. I still struggled with it. In fact, yesterday I was struggling with it with my coach because I work on this thing and and it I went backwards and ⁓ it really, really comes from for me, I believe is a a a generational thing, a generational trauma. What has been passed down? The emotions surrounding it? Financial fear is what I deal with all the time of not having enough. Not having enough or losing? Losing, not having enough, all the same to me. Because I wake up, I used to wake up, I still wake up at four o'clock in the morning, and for a simple financial decision that I gotta make, which really is completely irrelevant financially, I obsess about it because I've been trained all these years to do that, to obsess. One cause is we're Persian Jews. I could see it, and it's not a it's a cultural thing, it's not a religious thing that generation after generation after generation they teach the kids that this will never happen again. And this goes on in different religions, different cultures, in all different things in different ways. It happens to be this slavery thing that the Jews are afraid of and been slaves for 2,000 years or 2,500 years. And I believe the reason. That there ⁓ you know 400 times more Nobel Prize winners in Jews is because they've been forced to do that. Not because they're literally smarter. I think people have unbelievable brain capacity that we don't use. So one is generational trauma, generational upbringing. But generational fear that's been passed down. And I'll tell you something very personal is that my dad, who was a very successful doctor in Iran, always said we don't have enough. When you're five and you feel like your parents know, you believe what they say. And it becomes part of who you are, part of your DNA, part of your thought process, part of every decision I make, I don't have enough. A lot of people form their beliefs about money before they start even earning anything. Yeah. They all do. A hundred percent. One reason for having the fear of losing money or not having enough to go by. Is obviously generational being passed down. Right. Another is from the immediate family growing up. A lot of people go through financial difficulties while they're kids. Right. And that fear of losing money, or if their mom or dad went bankrupt, or if they lost a significant amount of money. For me, none of that happened, but I lost my dad. So the provider was cut off all of a sudden. And my mom struggled making money. So it was the fear of not having enough for sure, because she would say it over and over and over, make sure be careful how much we're spending, make sure we don't spend too much, make sure we run we don't run out of money. So it was a constant thing engraved in my brain. But at the same time I saw the other side of it that no matter what she said and no matter how much that those thoughts were repeated, we always had enough to go by. And there was always money there. So I got kind of both ends, you know? Right. No, no, I understand that. But generationally I can really connect with it because in my family, in Sufis, there is a very deeply engraved ⁓ belief that we don't need much. We don't have to be attached to anything. We have to be able to live by with minimum means. There's so many sayings and so many poems and so many things that have been repeated by my grandpa, even though he lived a good life and he was wealthy in his own measures at the time, but it was just so deeply engraved in him and passed on to us that we need to be able to live with minimal everything. That we should just live on broken rugs and torn with torn clothes. That was like their biggest saying. So it's been generational for sure too. That whole concept, personally for me, was a huge duality. You know, I I became a doctor because I wanted to help people. I I still want to help people. I love it. But down deep in top I there was also a doctors will have money and they'll have a comfortable life. Yeah. Right. Underneath that. Right. And I see it now, which I didn't see it back then. The other side of the duality was I really connected with Sufism and Kabolic Capolicism and and mainly Buddhism, which not have being attached, not having a lot, and and one one part of me I wanted and I still want all these amazing things, right? And the other side of me was like, I want nothing. I need nothing. But that's a huge push and pull internally. Yes. The duality is real and it's very intense in many cases. As at least for us it is, because there is a desire. For wealth. I mean, if we are humans, we have desire for making money, living a comfortable life, being wealthy. And then on the other side of it, we've been told don't be greedy, don't want too much, don't expect too much out of life. And to be good, you shouldn't be dependent on making money. That's right. So there is ⁓ from all different directions there is a push and pull. Even in our household. Yeah. Like I expect us to be able to live on nothing and very minimal things. We have very comfortable life, thank God. One end of me is like, you know, why do we need all this stuff? You know, why don't we just like we talk about it all the time. Hey, you know, we come back from our trip and we're like, ⁓ my God, these people are so happy and they have nothing and it's so nice and so beautiful. Why don't we just, you know live in Bali. Go live in Bali and just get rid of all our assets and wish I did that. I went to India. When I moved to India, I I sold everything I had. I I prefer lived in a fucking backpack and moved. And I had a lot of money at the time. I sold my businesses and and my natural innate need and want was I wanna live on nothing. There is beauty in needing nothing. It is is is the ability of not depending on something that your being is connected to a dollar value. But is it? Is our being really connected to a dollar value? No. And what I've learned the hard way, the long way, is that I am not attached to anything I got. But you can still have it. Before my identity was, you know, I have this car. I got the first G-Wag in when it first came out in 2000. And it was part of my persona. Right? And you know, I did this and I traveled, you know, and I went and had lunch in Paris because I could. Shit like that, you know. And it was part of my identity. But and then after a while of training and doing a bunch of this stuff, ⁓ I realized that you can have great things. I have ⁓ beautiful cars and I love them and I enjoy them. But if they're not there, I don't give a shit really. Mm-hmm. And the value and the meaning of wealth, especially after children, yeah, has changed a lot because this morning I woke up My daughter was in my bed and I looked at her, I was looking at her, and I'm like, I am the wealthiest human being in the world now. Mm-hmm. And having proper relationships and being connected and so forth is far more valuable than the persona of having money. And understanding that was a big change in my life. And I think you you really feel that perspective change after having a family. Family and children. I mean, some people still don't, but A lot of people feel it. But the the opposite of that is that ⁓ I got this family that I gotta protect now. And I have to make even more money. More money and so forth. So understanding that balance, I think this has been key. So ⁓ that innate natural thing that we've been w born with is something that a lot of men deal with consciously or subconsciously or unconsciously. That they have to provide. That I have to provide. And this Well now a lot of women too. And a lot of women too. But I'm just looking at this sort of a relationship because I'm not an expert. I'm not an expert in this relationship either, but but I just I don't know how the other side is. But this is how I feel. And I know a lot of my male friends feel the same way. So the relationship with money and to provide is a natural instinctual thing for men for the It is for women as well, but it's just like this is our thing to do. And this topic I think ⁓ it resonates, I'm sure, with a lot of men. Well, I think it's just women have a different relationship with money in a traditional household. Because if a man is in the front line and working hard and bringing the money in, the woman is kind of like the magnet in the background. That if she's open, if she is in her heart, if she can't be expansive, then the money flows through the man to the family where she is, right? But a lot of people, a lot of women are now frontline working and hustling, but there is also a place for the feminine flow in the background, because that's what makes the energy flow too. ⁓ a hundred percent. The financial energy flow. ⁓ it's quite different when when when you're there and we've been together and so forth. And ⁓ I I believe that's why a lot of men statistically when they're married, they make a lot more money than singles. That's right. Because there's no feminine force behind them when they're single. And they live longer. One of the things that I had to deal with is that, especially when I got into the cannabis world to try to make medicine out of cannabis, but it was a huge industry and obviously we also wanted to make money out of it. It wasn't like a purely loving nonprofits, nonprofit company. You know, but ⁓ our our our our purpose and function was real. And the struggles with it and what happened, all that kind of stuff put me in a warrior, which is a natural state. I gotta go and fix this and fix this and fix this and fix this. I feel like the more personally I focus on getting it and getting it and getting it, the farther away I am from getting it. Why do you think? ⁓ I know, I know clearly. ⁓ because I mean having gone through it, you invested a lot of money in this industry, started a company, sold one, started another one, invested pretty much all your net worth in it. And coming out of it, there was a time that we were losing what, a hundred k four hundred K a month, half a million a month. More six hundred K a month. Yeah. And it was Hard for you especially, 'cause you would wake up at three AM in cold sweat and really having a hard time even sleeping because of it. Why would you say the harder you worked, the further you got from what you wanted? 'Cause the natural instinct at that moment is let me work harder, let me push push through harder. That's right. For me at least it comes back to that ceiling we talked about at the beginning of the conversation. One important thing That I've learned is losing money and going up and down is a part of entrepreneurs' life. And to understand that was to be able to break things down and accept the fact that you sell a company, you make money, you make another company, you lose money. You make another company as an entrepreneur, but the key underlying important message that I got, and I would love if I could disseminate this message, is that not the money that you lose or make is the lesson that is learned. Losing money or making money is part of a growth of an entrepreneur. And understanding that growth, meaning that you accept losses, and losses don't define who you are. In fact, losses are the greatest lessons that you'll have for your next endeavor and the next endeavor and the next endeavor after that. So that is a huge lesson. And I remember I had my first clinic. When I was in residency, I wasn't even a real doctor. And I had my first clinic and had an opening party. And, you know, I was so proud. And, you know, I was partners with my dad, which is the worst fucking thing anybody could do. And my best friend, who ⁓ was my roommate at the time, came and, you know, he was a successful businessman and he came to me and said, I hope you go bankrupt. And I'm like, What? What an asshole. But what a dick. You know, and he's my best friend. One of my best friends. I you know, I I knew he was the kindest, most pure hearted man. And then after I went bankrupt, I realized how right it was. Because I never had an unsuccessful clinic after that. So all these ups and downs and ups and downs is a life of an entrepreneur. So if there's any entrepreneur out there, I don't hope anybody to go bankrupt, but just know the lessons learned. And is part of our lives, if we're true entrepreneurs, to have losses. So where does that meet the ceiling that we talked about? Because there's a normal rhythm of going ups and up and down as an entrepreneur. Right. But there's also an emotional ceiling with money. I honestly ⁓ don't know anybody who has reached that level of success if they haven't been able to manage their internal being. The internal being is understanding losses are normal. Internal being is looking at your life and historical background. For me, there was two major items that kept my ceiling. One was generational trauma and and when I read this amazing book, it didn't start with you. ⁓ I realized that the reason my dad instilled on me we don't have money is because his dad went bankrupt. Kind of like what you were talking about. Yeah. A successful business guy went bankrupt, they didn't have any more money. My dad had to go work and drive a bus when he was 12 in Iran. So he came from that mindset. But it's a generational trauma that I was able to identify. And second item that now connects me to all the stuff that I'm working with now is In my childhood I thought I wasn't good enough. I wasn't smart enough. I wasn't whatever it was. And now I have to work harder and I can't let go and I'm not there yet and constantly in a warrior mode. So internal beliefs. Internal beliefs. And my last business is, ⁓ yeah. Yeah, this is this is a problem. Well, there is also another layer of internal beliefs about money alone. So there's one layer of beliefs about money that we learn as we grow up before even we earn a cent of money on our own. And that's like money is bad, money's evil, money's dirty, money doesn't grow on trees, money there's so many of them that are instilled in our minds before we even know how to count money. And another deeper layer of it is the internal worthiness. That's right. Underneath. I think these are two layers that if anybody can work through it and heal the relationship with money alone and then get to the layer that how much am I worthy of? What is my worth in this world? Then these two layers combined can really have a significant impact. And then there's another layer here, and that's the internal beliefs and thoughts about wealthy people. A lot of people want to be wealthy, but they have a negative view of wealthy people. And it really becomes hard to be something that you're resenting. That's right. I think most of that starts when if we don't have enough, or if we're not where we want to be, and we look at other people, and we're all humans, we all have envy, and not being able to. handle that feeling of envy. A lot of us grab it and turn it around and make them bad so we can feel better about ourselves. A hundred percent. And that kind of has another layer of negativity towards where we want to go, but then we have all these other underlying resentment kind of towards people who are there because we're not. I thought that way. But I've met so many wealthy people that are so benevolent and so great and so humble. And I know that's not the case, but I did envy people. And I constantly thought that I'm not there. And the fact that I'm not there is constantly I got is like I gotta work harder because it all for me at least connected back to the fact that I wasn't good enough when I was five years old. And that feeling of not good enough when you come from that position, which is energetically like contracting. Contracting. And when you contract, the harder you push, the further you get from where you want to go. W our son is in swimming class now, three year old, and he gets nervous in the water. So literally his body is tensing up and his knees bend when he's trying to ⁓ paddle his feet. And he goes backwards. If you n bend your knees and if you're tense and even though he's trying so hard to go forward, he always goes backwards. That's right. And that's really what happens when we come from a contracting position. We really work so hard to go forward, but the underlying feeling is that I'm I'm not good enough. So the solution for me has been that once you really are open enough to say, Yes, that's happening to me, or I feel like I wasn't good enough. Therefore I feel like I'm not worthy. And therefore I'm not there yet. And I gotta work harder. And the more I gotta work harder and you know, you come from a contracted state versus versus a expanded state, what I call from a warrior point of view versus a wizard point of view, which I've been really trying to work hard to this year to be in my wizard as opposed to my warrior. And warrior's great. I mean it's amazing. But it's great that now I see you that you can snap out of warrior and go and like you you have control over. Which one to bring out. As opposed to having no control and nowhere else to go. Now I don't see anything wrong with want wanting money. I donate so much, and if I had more, I would donate so much more. And you know, there is a desire for it. Yeah. That a lot of people have. Rumi says what you're seeking is seeking you. And the desire that's been put in you is divine. It's not supposed to be ignored, it's supposed to be pursued. And Ignoring the desire that we have for money is basically ignoring a part of ourself that's there is screaming loud and clear that hello, I want to be wealthy, I want to have money, and ignoring it is basically a proving that you don't deserve it. Right. So you and I went to the Millionaire Mine Intensive and we worked on our relationship with money at the time, I don't know, ten years ago, I didn't understand what that meant. But now throughout the years. I choose to be in my wizard to be expansive. There's a book called Bending Reality that talks about that and it's just like all of this stuff, at least for me, is coming together. There's nothing wrong with wanting money. There's nothing wrong to be wealthy. And I think there's a lot of spiritual growth in it. ⁓ a hundred percent. A huge spiritual growth when you can go from being in a contracted space which money will run away from you and you run after it and it runs from you, versus being in an expansive space. state which abundance flows towards you, getting from point A to the the abundance, point B, is a huge spiritual journey. It is. That's what I mean. And a lot of people use spirituality as a anti money excuse to stay where they are and stay stuck because they just don't want to move above it and look within into what's really putting in them in that position. But Going towards money and creating wealth is a huge spiritual journey. Tony Robbins, my good friend, always says business is eighty percent spiritual and twenty percent strategy. And I believe to get to that spirituality, to get where you need to be, at least for me, is accepting and understanding where it starts from. So when I'm up at three o'clock in the morning freaking out about some stupid property that we're gonna Rant. Wait a minute. This is coming from me not being good enough. I'm trying to fight and fight and fight as opposed to allowing my wizard to say, You could do this, you could do anything, you are worthy and you're smart enough to do all this stuff. Look at your past and understanding all that to say I'm gonna go back to sleep. In a wizardly way. Wealth defined by money or not money, which I don't define wealth by money, is directly connected to a spiritual path. So, conclusion, the psychology of money and going from a contracted state that money runs away away from you into expanded state of abundance flowing towards you, four layers is into it. facing the fear of losing money and where it comes from, which could be generational. Looking at the beliefs about money and underneath of it, the feelings of worthiness of or unworthiness. Looking at the way we view wealthy people and how much envy we have versus really looking up to them and how much we r respect for them and ⁓ praise them versus breaking it down in our mind. And stepping onto the spiritual journey that if we have desire for wealth, wealth has desire for us too, and we're allowed to pursue it, and we're allowed to get there and feel proud and still not be attached to it. And the universe will provide. And and having faith, which is the umbrella that connects all this together. Faith. All is well and it will always be. Ciao!