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Transcript

The Tumultuous Breakfast Club · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  something bad happened what i did i tell you about my water it broke
• 0:21
  i didn't even know i was pregnant
• 0:25
  i knew um so i like a plebeian i go and fill my own waters up yeah because i love a deal
• 0:38
  i know one of those rich people who loves the deal anyway um so i'm going to get i have three
• 0:45
  of them okay so i go and two of them are regular with like a small cap you know and one of them is
• 0:50
  a wide mouth with like a big screw on.
• 0:53
  Yeah.
• 0:53
  Just giving you a picture here.
• 0:54
  Yeah.
• 0:56
  So I go to the place to get my water filled up.
• 0:59
  I'm having a,
• 1:00
  everything's going great.
• 1:02
  I carry them in.
• 1:05
  There's a kid in there that's leaving.
• 1:06
  So I was like,
• 1:07
  perfect.
• 1:10
  Thank God.
• 1:11
  It could not be going any better for me.
• 1:12
  And the kid that worked behind the counter was super,
• 1:15
  you know,
• 1:15
  I love customer service.
• 1:16
  I do.
• 1:16
  It was so nice to me.
• 1:18
  I'm like,
• 1:19
  I,
• 1:19
  this is amazing.
• 1:20
  I even, so I took all the lids off.
• 1:22
  One of them was huge.
• 1:24
  And I got them all set up.
• 1:25
  And I had two of them like on power wash setting.
• 1:27
  And one was like, because it was as fast as it would go.
• 1:30
  And I was doing it so perfect.
• 1:32
  Like the flow was flowing.
• 1:34
  And I'm like, I knew when to turn it off, when to turn it up.
• 1:36
  I was like golden.
• 1:40
  So I filled up the waters, put the cap on.
• 1:42
  Whenever he was making like small talk, it's fine.
• 1:47
  And then I go to leave.
• 1:48
  I put my, I put the waters on the cart.
• 1:50
  Yeah.
• 1:52
  And I bring it up to the curb and there's no like.
• 1:57
  There's no swoop down.
• 1:59
  Yeah.
• 1:59
  There's no,
• 1:59
  there's no swoop down.
• 2:01
  It's just a steep drop off that curb.
• 2:03
  Yeah.
• 2:03
  So I'm like,
• 2:03
  well,
• 2:03
  I'm not dealing with this shit.
• 2:05
  So I just leave it at the edge.
• 2:07
  Yeah.
• 2:07
  And I take one of my waters off and I'm,
• 2:10
  I can laugh now.
• 2:11
  I could not laugh then.
• 2:13
  So I take one,
• 2:15
  the baby,
• 2:16
  and I put it in my back seat and I'm buckling it in.
• 2:19
  Yeah.
• 2:19
  and as I'm buckling it in I hear thunk and the cart had like fallen off the curb and both of
• 2:26
  the other two waters like went splat oh no with the big mouth the lid harpooned off into the night
• 2:33
  and so it was like gushing yeah but I was I was in such a as my friend so beautifully wordsmithed
• 2:42
  a state of disassociative rage that I I was like totally calm like I turned and saw everything that
• 2:49
  happened and I was like hmm I like
• 2:51
  walked over like pick them up like
• 2:53
  put them back on the thing and this guy was like oh
• 2:54
  what happened and I'm like
• 2:55
  it rolled off the curb
• 2:58
  what do you want to tell you there's water in the parking lot
• 3:01
  and so the guy who was inside it had been so nice
• 3:04
  like came out and was like oh my god
• 3:07
  sir
• 3:08
  and I'm like it's fine
• 3:10
  and I just like threw the bottles
• 3:13
  in the car I'm like I can't
• 3:15
  even get them refilled right now I need
• 3:17
  to be gone from here
• 3:18
  and uh yeah so i got when all said and done one full five gallon container the one that was
• 3:26
  buckling in one that's mostly full and one that was basically empty and then because i didn't get
• 3:32
  to finish buckling it in yeah on my way home i was like calming down no and it turned on the freeway
• 3:38
  i'm like so i'm like reaching in the back trying to like pull it up did it spill yeah a little bit
• 3:45
  Not a lot, but yeah.
• 3:48
  Man.
• 3:48
  Oh, man.
• 3:49
  That must have pissed you off.
• 3:51
  You know, I used a little trick I learned.
• 3:53
  I said out loud, nice fucking try.
• 3:58
  You're not going to get me.
• 3:59
  Yeah.
• 4:01
  And then I laughed in the car.
• 4:03
  Probably looked nuts.
• 4:05
  That's what I say when I get rude.
• 4:09
  And then.
• 4:11
  Nice fucking try.
• 4:12
  So yeah
• 4:14
  Man, I'm sorry that happened to you
• 4:16
  Thank you
• 4:17
  But I'm glad that you didn't let your rage take over
• 4:21
  Calm
• 4:22
  I am a little bit surprised you haven't had a rage
• 4:27
  Serious rage incident in your life
• 4:30
  I know you're getting better about it now
• 4:32
  So now it definitely won't ever happen
• 4:34
  But in your past, it sounds like you could have had moments where it's like
• 4:38
  There's been some close calls
• 4:40
  Yeah
• 4:41
  But who I am today?
• 4:44
  Yeah, great.
• 4:44
  You've grown so much since then.
• 4:46
  Yeah.
• 4:46
  I feel someone could slap me,
• 4:49
  and I'm at a place right now
• 4:51
  where I could take a minute to decide
• 4:53
  if I was going to slap them back.
• 4:55
  Whereas in the past, it would be like...
• 4:56
  It would have been a reflex.
• 4:57
  Yeah.
• 4:58
  You want to test it out?
• 4:59
  Sure.
• 5:00
  Bring over that ass.
• 5:01
  I really do feel like I could be like...
• 5:05
  There could be something wrong with them.
• 5:07
  I feel like that's where I'm at now.
• 5:08
  I'm like, hold on.
• 5:09
  that's a good that's a good start with the place of i'm going to assume that you have some severe
• 5:18
  mental issues that i don't know about well that's how i know you're a better person than i am because
• 5:22
  i'm like even if i thought about that i'd be like i don't care maybe maybe in time i told you about
• 5:29
  oh my god i told you about the girl who this might be a story i never told you this is back
• 5:34
  when I was pissed all the time.
• 5:36
  And you know what?
• 5:37
  I fucking pissed.
• 5:38
  About the girl who hit my car repeatedly,
• 5:41
  slammed on my hood repeatedly.
• 5:43
  Can I tell you this?
• 5:44
  Oh, buckle it up.
• 5:45
  Oh, okay, okay.
• 5:47
  So I'm with my friend.
• 5:48
  We're in my car,
• 5:49
  and this is my 2015 Ultima that was later totaled.
• 5:53
  Irrelevant.
• 5:54
  But so we're in my car.
• 5:56
  We're near Westgate.
• 5:58
  I hate Westgate.
• 5:59
  We're leaving the parking lot,
• 6:00
  and we're at a stop sign,
• 6:02
  and this young girl is walking across and she just stops.
• 6:07
  Like how old?
• 6:10
  Early 20s, maybe.
• 6:11
  Okay.
• 6:12
  Maybe.
• 6:13
  I don't know.
• 6:15
  10?
• 6:15
  You know me.
• 6:16
  Yeah.
• 6:16
  So audience, you need to listen to other episodes.
• 6:20
  Yeah.
• 6:23
  Francis wishes every girl was 10.
• 6:25
  Yeah.
• 6:26
  Francis is not a pedophile.
• 6:28
  Please go back and listen.
• 6:29
  Or a podiatrist.
• 6:30
  Yeah.
• 6:31
  Whoa.
• 6:32
  I had a plaque made by my father.
• 6:35
  So,
• 6:35
  so she stops and turns and looks at us and I'm at a substance.
• 6:42
  I'm like,
• 6:42
  okay,
• 6:42
  I don't know what she's doing.
• 6:43
  So I look,
• 6:43
  I look at her and I look at my friend and we're like,
• 6:46
  what's going on.
• 6:46
  I don't do anything.
• 6:47
  I don't do anything.
• 6:48
  Like no,
• 6:49
  like,
• 6:50
  like fast movements.
• 6:51
  I'm just like,
• 6:51
  this is odd.
• 6:52
  It's like nighttime and whatever.
• 6:54
  And she immediately,
• 6:56
  both hands starts pounding on the hood of my car repeatedly.
• 7:02
  like with all the strength she can muster,
• 7:05
  which sends me into a gorilla-like rage
• 7:09
  where I'm just like, what the fuck?
• 7:11
  I started like honking.
• 7:12
  I'm like, what are you doing?
• 7:13
  What are you doing?
• 7:14
  And she's not even doing any damage
• 7:16
  because she's just hitting the hook.
• 7:17
  But I'm just like, this is crazy.
• 7:20
  And unprompted, you're just sitting at the stop sign.
• 7:23
  Yeah.
• 7:23
  She needs to be put in her place.
• 7:25
  She, oh.
• 7:26
  So I, and then she like leaves.
• 7:29
  And I'm like, I gut it in the park.
• 7:31
  I'm like almost doing donuts just to be like, get my thoughts.
• 7:34
  I'm like, I'm pissed.
• 7:36
  And I'm like, we got to get her.
• 7:37
  And my friend's like, what do you mean?
• 7:38
  I'm like, we got to do something.
• 7:41
  She's like, like what?
• 7:42
  I'm like, I don't know.
• 7:43
  We got to do something.
• 7:44
  There was a cup, a big cup of like soft drink.
• 7:47
  And I'm like, I took, I ripped the lid off and I'm like rolling down her window.
• 7:50
  I'm like, pour this on her.
• 7:51
  Pour this on her now.
• 7:52
  Throw it on her.
• 7:54
  And I drive by my friend, like gently pours it out the window.
• 7:58
  Like there was, you know what I mean?
• 8:00
  she was like no
• 8:01
  let's get rid of this
• 8:03
  and I'm like what are you doing
• 8:04
  what the hell
• 8:09
  you're wasting valuable soda on the ground
• 8:11
  yes it should have been her face
• 8:12
  and she like wouldn't do it
• 8:14
  if that girl had been on your side of the
• 8:17
  car she would have gotten
• 8:19
  a face full of soda
• 8:20
  and if I had been that friend
• 8:22
  she would have gotten a face full of soda
• 8:24
  if I had been that friend
• 8:26
  she would not have gotten a face full of soda
• 8:28
  I would not have done it
• 8:30
  I would have delighted out of that so much.
• 8:34
  So I get you I get Joe because I there But please take us into the mind of the friend who wouldn do it Yeah you sick freak
• 8:46
  I don't know.
• 8:48
  I'm not throwing soda on the face of a stranger.
• 8:52
  Like, who knows what kind of like.
• 8:55
  Not even.
• 8:56
  After what I just told you.
• 8:58
  They could file assault charges or something like.
• 9:01
  You could file assault charges.
• 9:03
  you want to play that game but there's no here's the thing here's here's the reality
• 9:09
  there's no evidence of what she did she didn't leave any like damage to the car
• 9:14
  so if someone didn't see that and then saw me looping the parking lot and probably hearing like
• 9:21
  yeah and then seeing someone like we would have been no one's gonna believe us i would have yelled
• 9:30
  at her, I would have rolled down the window and been like,
• 9:32
  what the fuck? What was that all about?
• 9:34
  But I'm not going to throw soda at someone.
• 9:36
  I don't think that's really an assault charge,
• 9:38
  though. It could.
• 9:40
  It could be.
• 9:41
  Isn't that PETA's whole thing?
• 9:43
  They throw the paint on people? That's assault.
• 9:46
  And also, assault...
• 9:48
  I have had a very loose definition
• 9:50
  of assault recently. No, most people don't even know,
• 9:51
  because actually, if you go up to someone and act
• 9:54
  like you're going to punch them, that's assault.
• 9:57
  Because you could say it's
• 9:58
  like intent.
• 9:58
  Yeah.
• 9:59
  If you give someone fear that you're going to do something,
• 10:00
  that's assault.
• 10:01
  And when you actually,
• 10:02
  this is my legal understanding as you're the lawyer,
• 10:05
  as a jurist,
• 10:06
  doctor,
• 10:07
  battery is,
• 10:07
  is the physical act.
• 10:10
  That's the physical part of it.
• 10:12
  Assault and battery.
• 10:13
  So that's what the,
• 10:14
  okay.
• 10:14
  So you have assault and battery.
• 10:16
  Assault doesn't necessarily include battery,
• 10:18
  right?
• 10:19
  All battery is assault.
• 10:21
  A square is always a rectangle.
• 10:24
  That's what I was just thinking.
• 10:25
  Yeah.
• 10:25
  A rectangle is not always a square.
• 10:27
  I would love to batter someone without assaulting them.
• 10:57
  And right before we die, we add up all the points.
• 11:01
  And then we get a prize, whoever has the most points, for guessing the most secret words.
• 11:07
  Here's Joe with today's secret words.
• 11:11
  Jenna's secret word is audio tape.
• 11:13
  Jenna's decoy word is jelly bean.
• 11:15
  Frances's secret word is mincemeat.
• 11:18
  Frances's decoy word is heirloom.
• 11:21
  Back to the pod.
• 11:24
  I'm sorry, Frances, if that makes me not a good friend.
• 11:27
  I would have yelled at her or been like, what the fuck?
• 11:29
  Thank you.
• 11:30
  But I'm too prudent for my own good.
• 11:36
  I would have done time for you.
• 11:37
  Thank you.
• 11:38
  On the other hand.
• 11:39
  Thank you.
• 11:39
  And I would have been there for it.
• 11:41
  I would have been like, yeah.
• 11:42
  Let's go to Circle K.
• 11:43
  Get more.
• 11:45
  Where are you going to be in five minutes?
• 11:49
  Probably washing that off.
• 11:54
  Welcome to Very Fine Friends.
• 11:55
  where some of us are willing to assault and go to prison for it,
• 11:59
  others are not.
• 12:00
  I guess that's what we learned today.
• 12:04
  Well, those are good stories, Francis.
• 12:08
  Thanks.
• 12:09
  That is crazy.
• 12:10
  Why would she be hitting your hood?
• 12:12
  Here's the thing.
• 12:13
  Here's where I am now.
• 12:14
  If that happened to me today, I'd be like,
• 12:16
  it's a young girl.
• 12:18
  It's nighttime.
• 12:18
  We're outside Westgate where there's a lot of clubs and bars and stuff.
• 12:22
  She probably didn't have a very good night.
• 12:24
  something happened that probably like triggered her and she like
• 12:27
  yeah did she seem like quite drunk she didn't seem drunk but she obviously she
• 12:31
  looked like upset like someone something could have happened to her
• 12:34
  did she think that you were like gonna hit her or something you were fully
• 12:39
  stopped yeah no it was like no rolling nothing yeah that's why I ask is like
• 12:43
  even even a girl having had a very terrible night
• 12:47
  still probably wouldn't just randomly do that if she weren't under the influence
• 12:51
  of something. See, and these are the things that
• 12:53
  now I would
• 12:55
  give someone the better. I'd be like, okay, this
• 12:57
  is insane. Yeah. I'm gonna back up, which is
• 12:59
  probably what I should have done. I'm like, reverse. Goodbye.
• 13:02
  Yeah. Hit her.
• 13:05
  Yeah.
• 13:06
  And then back up.
• 13:07
  And then go forward again.
• 13:09
  Oh, what happened? Here, have some drink.
• 13:11
  Psh.
• 13:13
  Well, you look like
• 13:15
  you're hot.
• 13:17
  Cool you down with some soda.
• 13:19
  A little bit of soda.
• 13:21
  Well, you've certainly invented new ways to manage your rage.
• 13:30
  Let's see what else could be invented.
• 13:34
  It's time for the invention of the week.
• 13:38
  Inventions.
• 13:42
  Okay.
• 13:43
  What do you got?
• 13:44
  Hey.
• 13:44
  Hi.
• 13:47
  You know how a few episodes ago we were talking about Healy's, were we?
• 13:51
  or was that in real life that was in real life i believe oh okay but maybe not the shoes the shoes
• 14:01
  yeah you know i think that was in real life i feel like we were walking around yeah i feel like
• 14:07
  we were wheeling around on our shoes we're healing on our i don't know what i was doing
• 14:13
  That's right.
• 14:14
  Um,
• 14:15
  so you know how we walk?
• 14:18
  I do know that.
• 14:20
  You know how it's always fun and great to have a new mode of transportation?
• 14:27
  Yeah.
• 14:28
  Right.
• 14:28
  You,
• 14:29
  we don't always have access to a train.
• 14:31
  We don't always have access to a subway.
• 14:33
  Yeah.
• 14:33
  But we always have access to our feet.
• 14:37
  Yes.
• 14:38
  That's true.
• 14:39
  Well, Jenna, kick yours up because I'm about to blow the toes mind.
• 14:47
  Whoa.
• 14:48
  You hear that toes?
• 14:49
  Yeah.
• 14:49
  Get ready to be blown.
• 14:50
  Oh, no.
• 14:52
  Ten little toesies.
• 14:53
  Mine got blowsies.
• 14:57
  Okay.
• 15:00
  So here's my new invention.
• 15:02
  It's really, really cool.
• 15:04
  Okay.
• 15:06
  Here it is.
• 15:07
  it is
• 15:08
  a pair of shoes.
• 15:14
  What do you think?
• 15:15
  No, I'm kidding.
• 15:15
  Sorry.
• 15:17
  It's a pair of shoes.
• 15:20
  But in the shoes,
• 15:22
  the shoes are like a waterbed.
• 15:25
  So when you walk,
• 15:27
  you're actually kind of like,
• 15:29
  you're gliding in your shoes.
• 15:30
  Like, you know what I mean?
• 15:31
  Like you're controlling
• 15:32
  that you're actually moving
• 15:33
  to different locations
• 15:34
  because you're picking your feet up.
• 15:36
  But in your step, your glides.
• 15:40
  Think of the pressure off the joints.
• 15:42
  Think of the fun movements.
• 15:45
  I was going to say this sounds like a sports medicine breakthrough to me.
• 15:51
  Less impact on your knees over time.
• 15:54
  Yes, feels good.
• 15:56
  And also you're getting a little bit of a weight lift in your ankles.
• 15:59
  You're getting a slight muscle training in the bottom of your leg.
• 16:04
  And Joe's a certified personal trainer.
• 16:06
  I am.
• 16:06
  It's true.
• 16:07
  He is.
• 16:09
  That's real.
• 16:09
  I'm like the lawyer thing.
• 16:12
  That's real too.
• 16:13
  Yeah, you confuse our players.
• 16:15
  This is really a lawyer,
• 16:16
  but I'm really, really a personal trainer, listeners.
• 16:21
  Wouldn't it be hard to balance on water?
• 16:25
  Like, wouldn't you be like,
• 16:26
  have you been on a waterbed?
• 16:29
  I used to own one.
• 16:31
  You did?
• 16:31
  I had to have it.
• 16:32
  Couldn't be talked out of it.
• 16:33
  Took forever to sell it.
• 16:34
  I feel like that's small of a surface area, though.
• 16:36
  I feel like it's not.
• 16:38
  It's like when you first get on a skateboard or a Segway.
• 16:40
  Yeah, for the first minute, you're like, oh, what is this?
• 16:41
  But then it's like, got it.
• 16:42
  No, but I feel like it would be like, I don't know, like an unstable surface.
• 16:47
  You'd have to have really good ankle strength and balance.
• 16:54
  Only if it's not full to the brim.
• 16:56
  You just have to make sure you fill it up every day.
• 16:58
  Yeah, you can control how much water's in it.
• 17:01
  Okay?
• 17:02
  So you start off.
• 17:03
  Wait, so it's like a hard thing of water?
• 17:07
  No.
• 17:09
  No.
• 17:11
  No.
• 17:12
  Well, then it definitely is going to be moving.
• 17:13
  Yeah, it'll be moving.
• 17:14
  Yeah.
• 17:15
  It like a viscous goo So you like Viscous goo shoe Wait so are you just inventing like thicker No no no No this is it water It it it aquarium shoes
• 17:30
  Okay.
• 17:31
  And they're fun to walk in.
• 17:34
  And they're fun to watch.
• 17:36
  They have tiny little fish in them.
• 17:38
  No.
• 17:39
  No, because that's too much.
• 17:42
  Yeah, Joe.
• 17:43
  We're going to cross the line.
• 17:46
  do you think anyone has put fish in a waterbed no i don't know i don't think so i bet you someone
• 17:56
  has that's horrible yeah but do you think anyone has a clear waterbed that they put fish in
• 18:02
  i bet you maybe i feel like someone's had to have done that before but like okay so you owned a
• 18:08
  waterbed how long did you have it how many fish did you put in there no fish i owned it for
• 18:14
  probably
• 18:16
  I would say a minimum a year but probably like one to like three years
• 18:20
  how old were you
• 18:22
  um
• 18:24
  10
• 18:25
  no no no I was
• 18:27
  um
• 18:29
  30
• 18:31
  okay
• 18:32
  26 to 30
• 18:34
  alright so five years in the future
• 18:37
  right um
• 18:38
  30 months
• 18:39
  we lad
• 18:42
  that's really funny
• 18:45
  yeah and then when I sold it and this couple bought it
• 18:47
  they came to like see it
• 18:48
  I could not stop thinking I'm like you guys are gonna like
• 18:51
  I have a lot of anxiety
• 18:53
  about like
• 18:54
  catastrophic events
• 18:56
  I'm like I hope you guys don't do it hard
• 18:59
  because I would hate for this bed
• 19:01
  to explode
• 19:02
  you know
• 19:04
  I didn't say any of this I'm like take it out of my house now
• 19:07
  did you like
• 19:09
  having it
• 19:10
  did it make your sleep better?
• 19:12
  Were you more comfortable?
• 19:13
  I did like having it,
• 19:14
  but it was,
• 19:15
  yeah,
• 19:16
  it's a novelty.
• 19:19
  It was fine.
• 19:20
  But,
• 19:20
  um,
• 19:21
  I'm going to say something that somebody else said to me and I want the
• 19:23
  audience to know,
• 19:23
  I do not agree with this.
• 19:25
  So don't cancel me.
• 19:26
  This is just what somebody said.
• 19:27
  Okay.
• 19:29
  So I was telling someone,
• 19:31
  I have this waterbed and I was like trying to hype it up.
• 19:34
  And I was like,
• 19:36
  do you want to buy my waterbed?
• 19:38
  and my friend's like no man I'm good
• 19:40
  I'm like come on it's great
• 19:42
  you gotta at least try it out once
• 19:45
  and he said
• 19:46
  again this is not my word
• 19:49
  he said that having a waterbed
• 19:52
  is a lot like
• 19:53
  being with
• 19:55
  a certain kind of
• 19:57
  person
• 20:00
  like someone overweight
• 20:02
  oh how'd you know
• 20:03
  yeah that's what he said
• 20:04
  he said anybody who wants one
• 20:06
  has one
• 20:08
  okay
• 20:11
  oh okay all right
• 20:13
  yeah um
• 20:15
  which was wild to hear
• 20:16
  okay um
• 20:19
  but yeah did you ever
• 20:21
  have any
• 20:23
  romantic
• 20:25
  encounters on my bed
• 20:28
  on the water bed
• 20:28
  beds are for sleeping
• 20:31
  yeah joe
• 20:33
  um they're not they're not for
• 20:35
  candlelight dinners. I get these ideas.
• 20:37
  I'm assuming that's what you mean by romantic.
• 20:39
  Actually, it's so funny you mention that because I had one
• 20:41
  encounter that I remember. Well, I'm just, I'm curious
• 20:43
  what their reaction was.
• 20:46
  I don't remember.
• 20:47
  What's funny is a waterbed when it's
• 20:49
  not, and you're not on it, looks like
• 20:51
  a regular bed, and then you get on it and you're like,
• 20:53
  whoa. And this is like
• 20:55
  my parents had one in the
• 20:57
  80s. Did they have the old fashioned kind where it's like a big bag of
• 20:59
  water? Yeah, it was a big bag of water.
• 21:01
  The one I had was like a thing of water
• 21:03
  inside a mattress. So you had like a mattress
• 21:05
  top on top of it? Oh, no.
• 21:07
  There's was like a big bag of water.
• 21:09
  I remember being a little kid and
• 21:11
  maybe early 90s,
• 21:13
  somewhere in there.
• 21:15
  Late 80s, early 90s.
• 21:17
  Ladies? Ladies.
• 21:18
  And yeah.
• 21:20
  Ladies, ladies, ladies.
• 21:21
  But, okay.
• 21:23
  Well, all that is to say
• 21:25
  not to get...
• 21:27
  That wasn't just a purely useless
• 21:29
  segue
• 21:31
  into your history with waterbeds.
• 21:33
  what you're pitching now is a waterbed for your feet and you abandon the idea of a waterbed for
• 21:40
  your whole body so why would it be beneficial for your feet i couldn't walk on my bed
• 21:47
  oh you can you can walk on a waterbed they're fun it's that's not gonna get it but that's how
• 21:52
  i know that they're unstable surfaces i want the ability you know how jesus can walk on water
• 22:00
  yes i do know that now you can too not just for god anymore amen that's what i'm saying like
• 22:07
  this yes i just think it would be fun i think it would feel interesting i think it would be like
• 22:14
  i i think it would i think it would be a inflammation reliever
• 22:19
  i think why would why haven't they done this already why do they keep just sticking more
• 22:26
  gel and things. Because I'm the first person to think of it.
• 22:30
  You know that
• 22:30
  over the last year I've been honing my invention
• 22:32
  skills. Oh, big time.
• 22:34
  I know what the market
• 22:36
  needs. Okay?
• 22:38
  I know that
• 22:39
  people are desperate for
• 22:42
  fun new shoes.
• 22:48
  They are.
• 22:49
  That's true.
• 22:50
  I know. I read that in Forbes
• 22:52
  actually. That's why Heelys are sold out
• 22:54
  all the time. You can't
• 22:56
  Well, Disneyland won't let you bring Heelys in, but they will let you bring in these shoes because they will.
• 23:04
  Because they will.
• 23:05
  How do we keep the bags from breaking?
• 23:07
  How do we keep the bags from breaking, but then also have the flexibility of the bag?
• 23:13
  Like, how do we not pop these bags?
• 23:16
  Oh, it's their industrial strength.
• 23:18
  But what are they made of that they still have that like.
• 23:21
  A reinforced cross hatch.
• 23:26
  Polymer of proprietary origin.
• 23:31
  Okay.
• 23:33
  Like a moon bounce,
• 23:35
  but more proprietary.
• 23:39
  Like that,
• 23:40
  but not that.
• 23:41
  Think of how you would definitely want a pair,
• 23:43
  right?
• 23:43
  To try out.
• 23:44
  I mean,
• 23:44
  I would try them.
• 23:46
  How,
• 23:46
  how,
• 23:47
  how big are they going to,
• 23:48
  how big are the heels going to be on these things?
• 23:51
  Cause I got to admit some of these,
• 23:52
  like,
• 23:53
  you know,
• 23:53
  you know,
• 23:53
  those sneakers that are like clearly like,
• 23:55
  they're supposed to be for helping your joints and they're like more orthopedic or whatever.
• 24:01
  And it's just like, you look like a big door.
• 24:04
  Yeah, you just look like a giant foam platform.
• 24:06
  The sole of that shoe is too big for you to look cool in.
• 24:10
  Like the Jimmy.
• 24:12
  Yeah.
• 24:13
  Yeah, exactly.
• 24:15
  Well, what I have to say is that in addition to the heel of the shoe,
• 24:21
  the next layer
• 24:23
  will probably have to
• 24:25
  I mean they're going to add a little bit of height
• 24:26
  and also a little bit of width
• 24:28
  because we need
• 24:28
  you know
• 24:29
  this isn't like a normal shoe
• 24:30
  but we lean
• 24:32
  width too
• 24:33
  we lean into it
• 24:36
  this is the Scion XB of shoes
• 24:38
  people know what you're wearing
• 24:40
  you know
• 24:42
  and you want to show it off
• 24:43
  these are
• 24:43
  these are exclusive
• 24:44
  great shoes
• 24:46
  okay
• 24:49
  if you keep
• 24:50
  if you keep track of these,
• 24:52
  if you keep track,
• 24:53
  I'm sorry,
• 24:53
  if you keep up with these,
• 24:55
  okay,
• 24:56
  and there's only a limited amount produced,
• 24:57
  it could be a family heirloom.
• 25:00
  It's true.
• 25:02
  Do you remember pumps?
• 25:04
  Reebok?
• 25:05
  I would like,
• 25:06
  you could like pump air into them,
• 25:07
  but it was like a little half basketball
• 25:09
  on the tongue of the shoe
• 25:10
  and it would be like,
• 25:10
  you'd pump them up to like,
• 25:13
  No,
• 25:13
  I don't remember that.
• 25:14
  Yeah,
• 25:14
  I really wanted them when I was a kid.
• 25:16
  I wanted them so badly.
• 25:18
  My brother MJ got them.
• 25:19
  yeah they were and you wanted them i wanted them so badly see see yeah and then probably your old
• 25:27
  jenna or however old i was was like they're so cool and then probably two months later you were
• 25:31
  like that was the stupidest thing that ever existed no she wanted them forever that's what
• 25:37
  happens with new cool products i probably would buy pumps if they do that if they still made them
• 25:42
  just just to have because i wanted it so much as a kid yeah it's like now that now the jenna that
• 25:48
  that little kid has become can get those pumps that's your favorite family heirloom yes exactly
• 25:55
  okay well let assume that these are stable to walk on and that you not going to get a bunch of people just falling over all the time Well I mean obviously this is something that would help because they keep trying to put gel into your shoes
• 26:14
  And it would be fun. It would feel good.
• 26:15
  What about just like just gel?
• 26:19
  just like gel that kind of forms you like i guess that's what they try to form steer foot
• 26:28
  i mean as long as we're making the shoe bigger why not just a big old pile of gel
• 26:31
  no i want people to you want to have the motion movement yeah you want people to feel like you're
• 26:38
  having an experience do you have do you ever um did you ever like go into the ocean like in the
• 26:45
  waves and stuff and like have the waves like going along your legs.
• 26:48
  Oh yeah.
• 26:49
  And then later,
• 26:50
  like that night in bed,
• 26:51
  you still can feel like the waves going against your legs.
• 26:55
  No,
• 26:55
  no,
• 26:56
  nevermind.
• 26:56
  Yeah.
• 26:57
  Stayed with you.
• 26:57
  Like that feeling.
• 26:58
  Yeah.
• 26:59
  Like listening to a conch.
• 27:01
  Kind of,
• 27:02
  except for like the phantom feeling of like the waves hitting my legs.
• 27:06
  Yeah.
• 27:07
  Hmm.
• 27:08
  We would go to the beach in the summer.
• 27:10
  Yeah.
• 27:10
  And I'm like lying sunburned on my bed.
• 27:15
  Hmm.
• 27:15
  Anyway.
• 27:19
  That's neither here nor there.
• 27:21
  I just was wondering.
• 27:22
  Oh, thank you for, I feel like I'm in your memory now.
• 27:25
  Yeah.
• 27:26
  I'm there, look, it's me.
• 27:27
  Lying, sunburned, trying to fall asleep.
• 27:29
  Feeling like the waves are hitting my head, or legs.
• 27:31
  Yeah.
• 27:32
  Anyway.
• 27:35
  All right, what do we want to call this?
• 27:43
  Pietitarium.
• 27:45
  I don't know how to spell that.
• 27:53
  I don't know.
• 27:54
  Whatever.
• 27:55
  It's going to be.
• 27:56
  No one's seeing this but me.
• 27:57
  It's more of a hearer.
• 28:01
  All right.
• 28:03
  Well, I know we can put the names.
• 28:04
  We put all the various names up on our website, verifiedfriends.com.
• 28:07
  Hmm.
• 28:09
  I was thinking a cross like aqua plus a cross,
• 28:15
  but that just sounds like someone with a speech impediment
• 28:17
  trying to say across.
• 28:19
  I'm going across the tweet.
• 28:22
  What about
• 28:23
  Jesus slides?
• 28:32
  Is that already a Kanye product?
• 28:34
  Is it?
• 28:36
  Well, he has Yeezy slides.
• 28:40
  What about
• 28:41
  Last Communion?
• 28:42
  i gave you my heart but the very next communion they'll be the last ones you ever buy that's why
• 28:51
  we're doing that water looms waterway like heirlooms but because but they're water
• 29:01
  uh i like water shoe water shoe but shoe spelled s-h-o-o like waterloo but it's a shoe
• 29:09
  okay
• 29:10
  couldn't escape if I wanted to
• 29:14
  what's the thing you said Jenna?
• 29:19
  Waterloom
• 29:19
  yeah
• 29:20
  yeah like a derivation of that other word
• 29:24
  oh right
• 29:25
  okay
• 29:26
  crap
• 29:29
  what's that word you said Jenna?
• 29:36
  okay everyone just stop it
• 29:37
  okay
• 29:38
  Shut up.
• 29:39
  Anyway.
• 29:40
  What about, um...
• 29:44
  Squishy shoe.
• 29:45
  Toe jellies.
• 29:49
  Jelly toe.
• 29:51
  Jelly toe.
• 29:52
  Okay, I'll write it down.
• 29:54
  Yeah.
• 29:56
  Jelly toe.
• 29:58
  Well, I would ask my toes, but their minds have been blown.
• 30:02
  They can't think of anything right now.
• 30:05
  Oh, those poor piggies.
• 30:06
  Yeah.
• 30:06
  exciting i think this is a good one yeah and you're welcome soul surf rider
• 30:17
  soul surf rider yeah it's a play on soul survivor but they're riding the surf your soul
• 30:26
  i thought i thought you were doing what about a play on soul surfer and it's just soul surfer
• 30:33
  S-O-L-E.
• 30:35
  I didn't know about that phrase.
• 30:37
  It was that movie with that girl
• 30:39
  in the early 2000s.
• 30:41
  I wasn't alive yet.
• 30:42
  That girl from the bus.
• 30:43
  It was very erotic.
• 30:51
  All right, soul surfer.
• 30:56
  Doesn't matter what we call it.
• 30:58
  It's going to be on the lips and the feet
• 31:01
  of everyone in the nation.
• 31:02
  The lips?
• 31:02
  the name will be on the lips
• 31:04
  do not put this on your face
• 31:06
  unless you're very very thirsty
• 31:08
  oh that's true
• 31:10
  if you're like stuck in a desert
• 31:12
  yeah
• 31:13
  this water that I've been walking on this whole time
• 31:16
  shall surely quench my thirst
• 31:18
  you will not care
• 31:19
  that's true
• 31:20
  it's like that Better Call Saul episode
• 31:24
  yeah where he drinks his own piss
• 31:25
  I was literally just thinking about that
• 31:27
  it's probably not that bad
• 31:29
  drinking your own piss
• 31:30
  like in an emergency
• 31:31
  unless you don't drink water
• 31:33
  then it's probably bad
• 31:34
  yeah
• 31:36
  then it might be jarring
• 31:38
  who knows what's coming out
• 31:41
  yeah that's true
• 31:42
  alright well
• 31:43
  um
• 31:44
  jelly toe
• 31:46
  will be uh
• 31:51
  is
• 31:51
  yeah it's already
• 31:52
  already by the time this airs
• 31:54
  will be
• 31:54
  available
• 31:55
  let us know if you want
• 31:57
  if you're interested
• 31:57
  because we'll have to let you know
• 31:59
  we'll restock because we're out
• 32:00
  yeah
• 32:00
  yeah oh sorry
• 32:01
  we're already out of stock,
• 32:02
  but put your name on the waiting list at very fine friends.com.
• 32:07
  And,
• 32:07
  uh,
• 32:08
  and if you are one of the lucky few that has snagged one,
• 32:11
  uh,
• 32:12
  take a video of yourself and in your comfort walking around Disneyland and
• 32:17
  then send it to us,
• 32:18
  um,
• 32:18
  on social media at very fine friends.
• 32:21
  Thank you.
• 32:22
  Thank you very much.
• 32:23
  That wraps up the invention of the week.
• 32:27
  Well,
• 32:28
  it's time for,
• 32:29
  I guess you are,
• 32:30
  you were a podiatrist in that.
• 32:31
  I was going to say so far, this whole episode has been water-based.
• 32:35
  Yeah.
• 32:37
  Nothing wrong with that.
• 32:38
  Yeah.
• 32:38
  Or liquid of some kind.
• 32:40
  And feet.
• 32:41
  Don't forget the feet.
• 32:44
  And other cellular related things, which is what we're moving on to.
• 32:50
  Our next segment is called
• 32:55
  The Mitochondria is the Powerhouse of the Cell Mate.
• 33:01
  Yo, welcome to the joint.
• 33:04
  Come meet a new cellmate.
• 33:05
  His name's Mitochondria.
• 33:09
  Francis, do you want to explain?
• 33:11
  Oh, yeah, of course.
• 33:12
  So in this segment, Jenna and I are newly cellmates in prison.
• 33:18
  And this segment is us getting to know each other and finding out what we did and why we're there.
• 33:24
  Yeah.
• 33:26
  That's it?
• 33:27
  That's it.
• 33:28
  and maybe
• 33:29
  Joe's the work.
• 33:31
  I don't know.
• 33:32
  Who knows?
• 33:33
  We'll find out.
• 33:33
  Don't put that on me.
• 33:34
  Okay.
• 33:35
  We'll discover in the moment.
• 33:36
  Yeah.
• 33:37
  I said maybe.
• 33:39
  Maybe not.
• 33:40
  Yeah.
• 33:44
  All right.
• 33:46
  Get off me!
• 33:47
  Get off me!
• 33:47
  Get off me!
• 33:48
  Get off me!
• 33:49
  Shh!
• 33:52
  New fish, huh?
• 33:53
  Oh my God.
• 33:55
  Hey.
• 33:56
  I didn't want a roommate.
• 33:58
  Not bad to the bone.
• 33:59
  You think I want you here? Come on.
• 34:02
  I was living life alone.
• 34:05
  Just stay out of my way, and we'll both be fine.
• 34:09
  Yeah, you stay out of my way.
• 34:12
  Oh, like you're so tough?
• 34:13
  Yeah, I am tough.
• 34:14
  I am tough, Jellybean.
• 34:17
  You little...
• 34:18
  Oh, you saw my name tag.
• 34:20
  Yeah, that's right.
• 34:22
  I don't ever leave home without a name tag, and they do call me Jellybean.
• 34:25
  Maybe one day, I'll tell you why.
• 34:28
  Maybe that day is today.
• 34:30
  Maybe that day is today.
• 34:33
  I tell you on my own terms, not because you're threatening me.
• 34:38
  But yeah, I'll tell you.
• 34:42
  All right.
• 34:43
  You know the candy jelly beans?
• 34:47
  I do.
• 34:48
  I used to eat those.
• 34:52
  Everywhere I went...
• 34:53
  That's it? That's the story?
• 34:54
  I'm not done.
• 34:55
  Hey, you paused.
• 34:58
  Everywhere I went,
• 35:01
  I carried these jelly beans.
• 35:04
  Everyone I know would associate me with these.
• 35:07
  And so they started calling me jelly beans.
• 35:12
  That's it.
• 35:13
  Well, you're
• 35:16
  You're a regular Ronald Reagan
• 35:18
  He really liked jelly beans too
• 35:21
  Not as much as me
• 35:21
  Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey
• 35:23
  Alright, calm down, jelly bean
• 35:24
  Calm down
• 35:25
  I'm new to the slammer
• 35:26
  Yeah
• 35:27
  Okay
• 35:28
  And I can tell you a lot of things about jelly beans
• 35:31
  Alright
• 35:32
  Did you know they come in every flavor you could imagine?
• 35:34
  Yeah, right
• 35:35
  That's true
• 35:36
  Yeah, right
• 35:37
  Yeah, there's grass
• 35:39
  Boring
• 35:41
  Chalk
• 35:41
  Boring
• 35:43
  Cock
• 35:44
  Like C-A-U-L-K
• 35:45
  Boring
• 35:48
  Do they come in
• 35:52
  Do they come in
• 35:55
  Yes
• 35:56
  Oh really
• 35:57
  You know what I was gonna say
• 35:59
  Yeah I do
• 35:59
  Do they come in
• 36:01
  Sony Walkman
• 36:02
  Flavor
• 36:03
  Yeah it's
• 36:04
  It's
• 36:05
  Plastic is the flavor
• 36:06
  It covers all of it
• 36:08
  Oh no no no
• 36:08
  Walkman
• 36:09
  That yellow of the Walkman
• 36:11
  That had its own flavor, trust me
• 36:13
  I ate a lot of Walkman back in the day
• 36:16
  That's right, I'm crazy
• 36:18
  I used to eat whole electronics
• 36:20
  Oh, really?
• 36:21
  Yeah, that's right
• 36:22
  You did, huh?
• 36:23
  Yeah, yeah
• 36:24
  In fact, I ate so many Walkman, they call me audio tape
• 36:26
  That's how many I ate
• 36:30
  You ate a Walkman?
• 36:32
  Yeah, no, I didn't eat a Walkman
• 36:34
  I ate 17 Walkman
• 36:37
  How'd you end up in here?
• 36:41
  I don't know if you're ready for that story.
• 36:45
  I don't know if you can handle it.
• 36:46
  Tell me.
• 36:47
  Jellybean's got time.
• 36:54
  I don't know, you look a little soft.
• 36:55
  This is a story of a hard man.
• 36:57
  I'm hard.
• 36:57
  Hard things.
• 36:59
  I will get hard.
• 37:02
  All right.
• 37:04
  Okay.
• 37:07
  You ever hear of...
• 37:09
  A mall?
• 37:11
  the place yeah the place yeah i know them all okay all right well one day
• 37:21
  you what it's what's happening here i brought some jelly beans in go on oh you smoked oh you
• 37:30
  pulled those right out of your ass it's fine it's my ass it's true hey i've had worse things
• 37:36
  than jelly beans up there man it's prison you do what you gotta do name it you're at the mall
• 37:40
  All right. So one day, audio tape's walking around the mall.
• 37:47
  Okay.
• 37:48
  Yeah.
• 37:49
  And he sees a couple of mannequins.
• 37:55
  These mannequins, they didn't have heads, right? They didn't have heads.
• 38:00
  How'd you know they were mannequins?
• 38:03
  Because it's a mannequin. It's a thing.
• 38:06
  The body was there.
• 38:08
  Okay.
• 38:09
  Anyway
• 38:11
  So
• 38:12
  Old audio tape
• 38:15
  He gets an idea
• 38:16
  He gets an idea in his head
• 38:18
  He's thinking
• 38:20
  I can make these guys
• 38:24
  Do whatever I want
• 38:27
  These headless creatures
• 38:29
  I just have to
• 38:31
  What I didn't tell you
• 38:33
  Is I happen to have a whole bunch of heads of my own
• 38:37
  No bodies though
• 38:38
  Oh.
• 38:39
  So I've been looking.
• 38:40
  Whoa.
• 38:40
  I know, I've been looking for bodyless, body full headless.
• 38:44
  Well, you hit the pay dirt, man.
• 38:45
  Yeah, exactly.
• 38:46
  It's like, you know, when you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
• 38:50
  When you have a bunch of heads, everything looks like a mannequin.
• 38:52
  And you're a jelly bean.
• 38:53
  Everything looks like a jar.
• 38:55
  Yeah.
• 38:55
  All right.
• 38:57
  Or a man's mouth.
• 38:59
  Amen, amen.
• 39:01
  So.
• 39:05
  I'm in front of the seers, right?
• 39:06
  Yeah.
• 39:07
  And they're in the window.
• 39:08
  One of them's looking mighty nice in a dress.
• 39:12
  The other one's looking mighty fine in a suit.
• 39:15
  Like a real couple.
• 39:16
  It was near Easter time.
• 39:17
  Oh, man.
• 39:18
  These mannequins were wearing their Easter best.
• 39:20
  Oh, that makes me think of jelly beans.
• 39:22
  Yeah.
• 39:23
  Oh, hey.
• 39:24
  Hey.
• 39:24
  Hey.
• 39:25
  Calm down.
• 39:26
  Yeah.
• 39:27
  Hey, get a little less hard.
• 39:29
  All right.
• 39:29
  All right.
• 39:30
  So I take a couple of my most realistic heads.
• 39:35
  I screw them onto these mannequins.
• 39:37
  I walk right out the front door with them.
• 39:39
  I pretend like they're my parents.
• 39:41
  Whoa.
• 39:42
  Come on, Mom.
• 39:43
  Come on, Dad.
• 39:44
  You said that?
• 39:44
  Yeah, I did.
• 39:45
  I had to sell this.
• 39:46
  I had to make it seem like I was walking out with two people
• 39:48
  so they wouldn't think I was stealing the mannequins, which I was.
• 39:52
  Then, walking through the mall,
• 39:54
  people are giving me these looks,
• 39:55
  probably because a grown man doesn't usually walk around
• 39:57
  with his Easter-clad parents all the time.
• 40:01
  But whatever.
• 40:02
  That's his comment on society and the family structure.
• 40:05
  structure more than me, right?
• 40:07
  Yeah.
• 40:07
  That's not my fault that society's decayed to the point where just a man with his parents
• 40:13
  is a sight.
• 40:14
  Don't blame yourself, audio tape.
• 40:16
  Thank you.
• 40:17
  I appreciate it.
• 40:18
  So old audio tapes walking around the mall, arm in arm with these mannequins.
• 40:25
  And I'm like, I know what I can do.
• 40:29
  Everyone seems to really be buying these as real people.
• 40:31
  So what I do is I take these mannequins.
• 40:36
  I put them into wheelchairs that I.
• 40:41
  Whoa.
• 40:41
  I know.
• 40:42
  And I wheel them up to a bank.
• 40:47
  And, you know, this is audio tape.
• 40:49
  I've got a Walkman.
• 40:50
  I've got an audio tape on me.
• 40:51
  I record a little message, put it on the mannequins.
• 40:55
  And it's a message.
• 40:57
  It's a recording.
• 40:57
  of
• 41:00
  me going
• 41:02
  give me all your money
• 41:04
  now
• 41:05
  so I'm going to have these mannequins rob this bank
• 41:09
  and it's a perfect crime
• 41:11
  the mannequins are going to be on the camera
• 41:13
  not me
• 41:14
  not old audio tape
• 41:16
  all I have to do is
• 41:18
  once they put the money on the lap
• 41:20
  of these mannequins
• 41:22
  you just got to go in and take them away
• 41:24
  they're attached to a string
• 41:26
  I just got to pull them back out.
• 41:28
  You got a string?
• 41:28
  I got a string.
• 41:30
  Yeah.
• 41:31
  I got a string.
• 41:34
  So I wheel them in.
• 41:35
  I just push them in.
• 41:36
  So I don't even enter the bank.
• 41:38
  I just push them through the front door.
• 41:40
  I left enough delay on the tape so that when it plays,
• 41:44
  it plays once they get to the front of the counter.
• 41:47
  Everyone inside screaming and screaming.
• 41:49
  And then this is where it all went to shit.
• 41:54
  This was a perfect plan until then.
• 41:56
  The woman behind the counter is putting the money into sacks.
• 42:02
  They're calling fat stacks.
• 42:03
  Yeah, exactly.
• 42:04
  Yeah.
• 42:05
  And putting them on the wheelchair with the mannequins.
• 42:09
  Yes.
• 42:09
  And the mannequins, the tape is, the tape's going, yeah, that's right, faster, faster, faster.
• 42:14
  Because I recorded all that.
• 42:15
  And it played out exactly the way I thought it was going to play out.
• 42:18
  Except for one problem.
• 42:22
  Good Samaritan was there.
• 42:24
  Good Samaritan with a gun.
• 42:25
  Ugh.
• 42:26
  this jagoff takes it upon himself to shoot my mannequin's heads off.
• 42:34
  Both of them?
• 42:35
  Both of them, right there.
• 42:36
  And then me, these are my heads, right?
• 42:39
  The bodies I care less about because those belonged to Sears
• 42:41
  just not 20 minutes ago.
• 42:44
  But the heads, I've had them forever.
• 42:46
  So I go running into the bank, not thinking.
• 42:50
  Just stupid audio tape.
• 42:52
  I saw red and I ran in.
• 42:54
  And I was like, no, those are my heads.
• 42:58
  And then when I ran in, I got stuck around the string that was tied up to the wheelchairs.
• 43:04
  And I tripped and I was all wrapped up.
• 43:06
  So it was like I had I had wrapped myself all up in string and was waiting there when the cops arrived.
• 43:14
  So attempted burglary attempted bank robbery and theft of mannequins I sure Well yes Yeah Sears Come on Sears I already gonna be doing 15 to 25 to 25 Well you in prison Everyone knows Sears is litigious when it comes to mammoths
• 43:29
  Well, I know that now.
• 43:31
  I would have stolen from a Macy's or something had I known.
• 43:37
  You didn't know.
• 43:38
  Don't hurt yourself.
• 43:39
  It's freaking Sears, man.
• 43:41
  I couldn't help overhearing the story that you were just telling.
• 43:48
  What's that?
• 43:48
  Who's that?
• 43:48
  It's me. I've been sitting in this dark corner this whole time, but I'm just now choosing to reveal myself.
• 43:56
  Two roommates?
• 43:58
  That's right.
• 43:58
  Yes.
• 43:59
  Who is this audio tape? Do you even know?
• 44:02
  He'll explain.
• 44:03
  Oh.
• 44:04
  It's better coming from him.
• 44:05
  Oh. Oh, I think he knows, for I am in this prison cell because I assaulted and battered Sears mannequins.
• 44:16
  even though I was being a good Samaritan.
• 44:21
  Wait, that was you?
• 44:23
  It was I.
• 44:25
  You were the good Samaritan?
• 44:27
  That's actually my first and last name, good Samaritan.
• 44:31
  You asshole.
• 44:33
  Everyone, my friends just call me Sammy.
• 44:35
  Why are you here?
• 44:36
  Hold me back.
• 44:37
  Hold me back, jelly bean.
• 44:38
  Hold me back.
• 44:39
  Sammy, we're going to be here a long time.
• 44:41
  Don't touch me.
• 44:42
  Hold on.
• 44:44
  Here, have a jelly bean.
• 44:45
  Both of you.
• 44:46
  Earwax flavored.
• 44:50
  Oh, you're lucky.
• 44:53
  Mine tastes like a Sears mannequin.
• 44:55
  Oh, you bastard.
• 44:56
  No, stop it, stop it, stop it!
• 44:58
  Stop it!
• 44:59
  Okay, we're all going to be here a long, long time.
• 45:02
  Well, wait.
• 45:04
  What?
• 45:05
  We know the story of how you got your nickname.
• 45:08
  We don't know what you're doing here.
• 45:10
  What crime did you commit?
• 45:12
  Yes, what crime did you commit?
• 45:16
  I'll tell you.
• 45:21
  You know how I like jelly beans?
• 45:23
  Do I?
• 45:25
  It's the one thing I know about you.
• 45:26
  Well, I had written 10,000 letters to the jelly bean factory
• 45:32
  with suggestions on how they could improve
• 45:35
  the shape and general experience of the jelly bean.
• 45:40
  I started to get desperate
• 45:41
  as nobody was responding to my letters.
• 45:43
  I got one generic response
• 45:45
  letting them know that they were thankful for my feedback
• 45:47
  and that they would get it to the right party.
• 45:49
  But I never heard from them again.
• 45:52
  I hate a corporate canned response.
• 45:55
  Yeah.
• 45:55
  Just the thought of it's making my blood boil.
• 45:57
  Yeah.
• 45:58
  Yeah, I was boiling.
• 45:59
  I was upset.
• 46:01
  Couldn't go to work.
• 46:01
  Couldn't go to school.
• 46:03
  Couldn't pay my taxes.
• 46:05
  More on that later.
• 46:06
  All right.
• 46:07
  It all came to a head in the summer of 2011.
• 46:11
  I subscribed to a limited edition
• 46:15
  Jellybean delivery service
• 46:19
  Where there would be one of a kind flavors
• 46:21
  With a hidden
• 46:23
  Mystery flavor
• 46:26
  That was the result
• 46:28
  Of a contest
• 46:30
  Which you know I entered
• 46:31
  Yeah
• 46:32
  Do you know
• 46:36
  What the winning
• 46:39
  Flavor was
• 46:41
  potato chip you wish it was a potato chip what was it mincemeat pie
• 46:48
  mince meat pie in a limited edition pie flavor i threw up
• 47:01
  i couldn't eat jelly beans for two years it was my main food group
• 47:06
  I mean, I'm assuming you're mostly jelly bean at this point
• 47:12
  You're not even man anymore
• 47:13
  Do you know what it's like for someone who only eats jelly beans to have to stop?
• 47:17
  I was a madman
• 47:18
  Wait, what was the flavor you submitted for the contest?
• 47:22
  Kiss
• 47:22
  The band or the thing?
• 47:25
  No, mouth kiss
• 47:26
  Oh
• 47:28
  Isn't that cute?
• 47:30
  That would have been a good flavor
• 47:32
  Yeah
• 47:32
  And then you could have made out with your jelly bean
• 47:34
  Yeah
• 47:34
  Anyway, I slit the throat of an elderly person
• 47:38
  And that's why I'm here
• 47:39
  That checks out, man
• 47:41
  Yeah, yeah
• 47:42
  Jellybean?
• 47:46
  I got it, yep, thank you
• 47:47
  Oh, mincemeat
• 47:51
  Stab, stab, stab, stab
• 47:55
  Hold me back, hold me back
• 47:56
  Stab, stab, stab
• 47:57
  Oh, you got good Samaritan
• 48:00
  You just did us both a favor
• 48:03
  Die.
• 48:04
  That's right.
• 48:05
  Die, bitch.
• 48:07
  Here's the jelly bean.
• 48:08
  I'm seeing the faces of the mannequins flash before my eyes.
• 48:11
  You're a bad person.
• 48:13
  Do we...
• 48:14
  I forgot his name.
• 48:15
  Good Samaritan.
• 48:16
  That's right.
• 48:17
  Sammy for short.
• 48:18
  That's right.
• 48:19
  I'm going to close his eyes with my fingers.
• 48:22
  And I'm going to put two penny flavored jelly beans on top of his eyelids to keep them down.
• 48:28
  You know what, jelly bean?
• 48:29
  What?
• 48:31
  You're all right.
• 48:32
  Hey.
• 48:33
  We should share a Walkman sometime.
• 48:36
  I should expand my horizons.
• 48:38
  I'd love that.
• 48:39
  Here.
• 48:41
  Pull it out of my ass.
• 48:44
  Thanks.
• 48:49
  Good, right?
• 48:52
  Well, good for them.
• 48:53
  I'm glad they worked it out in the end.
• 48:54
  People want friendship.
• 48:56
  Yeah.
• 48:58
  And you know what?
• 49:00
  If you just take the time to listen to somebody.
• 49:01
  That's all life is.
• 49:03
  I think people should be
• 49:06
  put together via captivity more often.
• 49:09
  I think there would be less war in the world.
• 49:11
  If you force people to be together,
• 49:13
  you think there'd be less war?
• 49:14
  Yeah.
• 49:15
  Okay.
• 49:16
  Yeah.
• 49:17
  I think there'd be more murder.
• 49:18
  I feel good about that.
• 49:20
  That last segment kind of proves it.
• 49:22
  Although there was also a murder.
• 49:24
  Oh, there was also a murder.
• 49:26
  That's true.
• 49:27
  That's a cycle of life.
• 49:28
  You can't have one without the other.
• 49:30
  Well, yeah.
• 49:31
  And a little murder is okay.
• 49:32
  Yeah.
• 49:32
  We're fine with a little bit of everything in moderation listeners.
• 49:36
  Yes.
• 49:36
  Everything in murderation.
• 49:38
  Write that down.
• 49:41
  All right.
• 49:41
  Well,
• 49:42
  that wraps up.
• 49:44
  The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cellmate.
• 49:48
  Oh,
• 49:48
  mitochondria.
• 49:49
  You're so powerful.
• 49:50
  Make me your prison wife.
• 49:53
  It's time for our last segment.
• 49:56
  The big question.
• 49:58
  The question is very big.
• 50:01
  What do you got?
• 50:03
  Do you have any?
• 50:04
  Oh, no.
• 50:05
  Yeah, I got one.
• 50:06
  Okay, cool.
• 50:07
  Great.
• 50:07
  Unless you have one.
• 50:09
  No.
• 50:09
  Okay.
• 50:10
  Great.
• 50:11
  Here it is.
• 50:12
  My big question is, I'm going to task you.
• 50:17
  You're going to come up with a new band.
• 50:20
  Okay?
• 50:21
  Okay.
• 50:21
  You're going to tell me what your band's called, who's in your band, what your backstory is,
• 50:26
  and then you're going to sing for me one verse and one chorus of your best song.
• 50:31
  Jenna hates this big question.
• 50:33
  Oh, no.
• 50:34
  You hate it?
• 50:36
  Uh.
• 50:37
  I got it for you.
• 50:39
  Well, not everyone is, like, instantly musical like you are, Francis.
• 50:44
  For those who don't know or have never met Francis in person,
• 50:48
  he's a whiz at just singing things and being very good at singing things
• 50:54
  and making up songs on the spot.
• 50:57
  It'll be funny if it's bad.
• 50:59
  This is going to be hilarious.
• 51:01
  but you like the question
• 51:03
  I like the question
• 51:05
  yeah
• 51:05
  I like it
• 51:07
  okay good
• 51:08
  um
• 51:09
  okay so I need to
• 51:11
  the name of the band
• 51:15
  who's in it with me
• 51:16
  yeah
• 51:17
  what's your
• 51:17
  what's your backstory
• 51:18
  like with the lore of the band
• 51:19
  and then
• 51:21
  hit me with the title
• 51:22
  and give me a little ditty
• 51:24
  okay
• 51:26
  um
• 51:28
  my band's called
• 51:30
  uh
• 51:31
  the survivors.
• 51:34
  And I liked that actually.
• 51:37
  Okay.
• 51:37
  Is that already taken?
• 51:38
  We got to do something with that.
• 51:39
  All right.
• 51:40
  Well,
• 51:42
  it's taken by me.
• 51:43
  I just thought of it just now.
• 51:45
  It's brilliant.
• 51:46
  Uh,
• 51:47
  you're like fleet with Mac,
• 51:48
  but with a K at the end.
• 51:52
  Um,
• 51:54
  and we,
• 51:56
  it me and the four other people that survived a plane crash That good Yeah We were stuck
• 52:12
  After the plane crash, we were stuck together for a while.
• 52:16
  So we were on a not, we found out later, not deserted island.
• 52:23
  But at the time, we were far enough,
• 52:25
  we were like in a part of the island where other people didn't go.
• 52:30
  So it felt deserted, right?
• 52:31
  And we didn't want to leave the plane crash area
• 52:34
  because it was like, if there's going to be rescue,
• 52:38
  we want to be like, they're looking for the plane.
• 52:40
  We don't want to move from the plane.
• 52:41
  And then, you know, it was much like the dilemma
• 52:45
  they had in the beginning of Lost.
• 52:47
  That's very similar.
• 52:48
  That show rings true to me because I lived it.
• 52:51
  Right.
• 52:51
  So, except for, you know, all of the other stuff.
• 52:56
  But that, the beginning part of it is.
• 53:00
  The pivotal plane crash part.
• 53:02
  That was there.
• 53:03
  The inciting incident rings true.
• 53:05
  Yeah.
• 53:06
  So, yeah.
• 53:09
  So, we were on that island for 137 days.
• 53:17
  Oh, my God.
• 53:18
  Yeah, before we were finally found.
• 53:21
  And so, at first, we were going crazy.
• 53:25
  But then, eventually, like, and we hated each other.
• 53:28
  Oh.
• 53:30
  We, we, we, cause it was like, you, you were all tense and we're all like,
• 53:33
  you're stir crazy.
• 53:35
  And yeah, we're getting stir crazy.
• 53:37
  And then one day I just started singing and it kind of like calmed everybody down.
• 53:47
  And then, um, Jeremy pulled out, uh, we'd basically been living off coconuts and like
• 53:54
  various stone roots.
• 53:55
  He pulled out some coconuts and started doing like a little beat to my singing.
• 54:00
  And then Alice didn't know she could do this.
• 54:04
  She like pulled out like, like, like it was like a fishing wire.
• 54:11
  No, no, no, no, no.
• 54:13
  I know I would know where your head's at and you're getting ahead of me a little bit.
• 54:16
  No, Alice pulled out like a piece of wood that was like wavy.
• 54:19
  And then she started doing like, like a like a washboard thing on it.
• 54:25
  and I was like okay are we we uh sounded pretty good here and then and then
• 54:33
  then Mac actually not always Mac I always forget about Mac I know he took that fishing wire
• 54:42
  strung it between uh some uh stick and then started like plucking it we had like a little
• 54:50
  bit of bass action going and uh that became that song ended up becoming our biggest hit
• 54:56
  when we got off the island so and that helped sustain us we actually wrote three full albums
• 55:02
  on the island oh that's a great head start too yeah exactly no we had them in the can already and
• 55:07
  so we didn't get any of that second album um the yeah the sophomore slump of the second album oh
• 55:13
  and and you could call you could call them the island sessions that's a great name for an album
• 55:18
  which we did call them.
• 55:22
  I'm sorry.
• 55:22
  I'm saying,
• 55:23
  I'm like,
• 55:23
  I'm trying to shoehorn into your success that you've already achieved.
• 55:27
  I know.
• 55:28
  But you were inspired the same way we were.
• 55:30
  Yeah.
• 55:31
  Um,
• 55:32
  yeah.
• 55:32
  So no sophomore slump because we weren't affected by critics.
• 55:35
  We weren't,
• 55:36
  you know,
• 55:36
  we didn't put everything we had into the first album.
• 55:39
  And it was like,
• 55:39
  no,
• 55:40
  we got three.
• 55:40
  We put everything we have into these three albums.
• 55:43
  Um,
• 55:44
  if I remember correctly,
• 55:45
  you released all three albums at once.
• 55:48
  which was like, it's unheard of.
• 55:50
  Exactly. Yeah, exactly.
• 55:52
  But we did have an order that we wanted
• 55:54
  you to listen to them in.
• 55:56
  But, um,
• 55:58
  I mean, I can sing a little bit of it for you.
• 56:00
  Yeah.
• 56:02
  Please.
• 56:03
  Okay. I know you've heard it a thousand times.
• 56:04
  We all have.
• 56:05
  Yeah.
• 56:05
  But for the listeners of ours who have been living under a rock.
• 56:09
  Or people who just woke up from comas, or who are about to.
• 56:12
  You're welcome.
• 56:13
  I'm going to wake you up.
• 56:14
  Island life is not for me
• 56:20
  Island life isn't making me free
• 56:24
  We almost died
• 56:27
  We almost died
• 56:29
  Up there in the sky
• 56:31
  All our loved ones are now dead
• 56:34
  We were taking family trips
• 56:37
  Now we're stuck on the island
• 56:40
  Now we're stuck on the island
• 56:43
  Stuck on the island
• 56:45
  Stuck on the island
• 56:46
  That's Mac coming in with the
• 56:47
  Stuck on the island
• 56:50
  Island
• 56:51
  Life's not for me
• 56:53
  Island
• 56:54
  Life's not making me feel free
• 56:57
  Anyway
• 56:59
  Oh my god
• 57:01
  What a rare thing we just captured
• 57:03
  I know
• 57:04
  My favorite part of that song is
• 57:08
  We almost just died
• 57:09
  It's great
• 57:11
  You still wanted to be a pop
• 57:13
  hit but i want to still put some truth in there yeah yeah yeah well pop doesn't need to be
• 57:19
  vapid yeah exactly it can sound good and it can have meaning 100 but i didn't want it to be like
• 57:25
  a huge bummer yeah so i didn't want to get too much into being surrounded by dead bodies and
• 57:32
  stuff like that but we were yeah i saw the documentary it's pretty gruesome yeah oh yeah
• 57:39
  Yeah.
• 57:40
  Gruesome stuff.
• 57:41
  Yep.
• 57:43
  Wow.
• 57:43
  You may or may not have tried to eat a few of them.
• 57:46
  I don't know.
• 57:47
  How was it?
• 57:47
  I'm just curious.
• 57:50
  It was, it was fine.
• 57:54
  It was like, have you ever had alligator?
• 57:56
  Yeah.
• 57:57
  It was like that.
• 57:58
  Yeah.
• 57:59
  Oh, okay.
• 57:59
  Yeah.
• 58:00
  Hmm.
• 58:00
  Anyway, what about you?
• 58:01
  What's your band?
• 58:02
  Oh, my band.
• 58:06
  Sure.
• 58:07
  I'll tell you about it.
• 58:07
  our band is called
• 58:09
  tumultuous breakfast.
• 58:14
  And I don't need to tell you this because obviously we made it,
• 58:19
  but,
• 58:19
  um,
• 58:21
  the,
• 58:21
  we have a name tumultuous breakfast,
• 58:25
  but it's just me.
• 58:26
  I love that.
• 58:27
  I love it when you don't know.
• 58:29
  There's an Arab mystery,
• 58:30
  right?
• 58:30
  When it's like,
• 58:31
  what do I,
• 58:31
  uh,
• 58:32
  what do I call it?
• 58:33
  Like,
• 58:33
  do I call,
• 58:34
  do I call him nine inch nails or do I say Trent Reznor?
• 58:36
  Yeah.
• 58:36
  Or like,
• 58:37
  And when people are going to see you, the new fans will be like,
• 58:40
  oh, we're going to see Tumultuous Breakfast.
• 58:43
  We love them.
• 58:43
  And then the diehard fans will be like, you mean him.
• 58:46
  Yeah, you mean him.
• 58:47
  Walk them aboard the fan train, fools.
• 58:51
  So this band was formed, the name you're probably curious about.
• 58:55
  When I was growing up, breakfast time was hard
• 59:01
  because my mother was clawed to death by an eagle.
• 59:07
  during prime breakfasting years when I would have loved to have had breakfast ready.
• 59:13
  Those key years between three and seven are so pivotal.
• 59:19
  Yeah.
• 59:20
  So she was clawed and then died from claw.
• 59:25
  Ooh.
• 59:27
  And so my father,
• 59:31
  my father,
• 59:32
  he wanted,
• 59:34
  he didn't want to upset me by remarrying.
• 59:37
  but I needed breakfast.
• 59:39
  Yeah.
• 59:40
  And he couldn't do it.
• 59:41
  Right.
• 59:42
  He's just a,
• 59:43
  he's just a man.
• 59:44
  Men don't know.
• 59:46
  I know.
• 59:46
  He tried feeding me a battery once.
• 59:49
  Typical.
• 59:50
  Yeah.
• 59:51
  So I was,
• 59:52
  I sat him down.
• 59:53
  I was eight years old.
• 59:54
  No,
• 59:55
  I wasn't.
• 59:55
  I was 16.
• 59:57
  And I said,
• 59:59
  father,
• 1:00:00
  it's time.
• 1:00:03
  It's time for you to marry this woman.
• 1:00:05
  who heard me talking about our situation
• 1:00:09
  on the late night therapy radio show
• 1:00:11
  and who wrote you a letter.
• 1:00:15
  And she wants to meet us
• 1:00:17
  on the Empire State Building.
• 1:00:20
  Oh, okay.
• 1:00:21
  And so we did.
• 1:00:23
  This is a really original idea.
• 1:00:26
  I know, I know.
• 1:00:28
  Did I say Empire State Building?
• 1:00:29
  Yeah.
• 1:00:29
  I meant
• 1:00:30
  World Trade Center Memorial.
• 1:00:38
  Because he didn want to go up an elevator Okay So they met there Oh wow Beautiful Yeah So anyway they fell instantly in love and here where things get crazy
• 1:00:54
  So did I.
• 1:00:55
  As soon as I saw her, her name's Pamela, I was like, he can't, he can't marry her.
• 1:01:02
  She's so hot.
• 1:01:04
  Anyway.
• 1:01:06
  Was it Pamela Anderson?
• 1:01:07
  I'm not.
• 1:01:08
  Listen, I had to sign.
• 1:01:10
  I can't. Okay. All right. Yeah. I'll drop it. Yeah. Yeah. Wink.
• 1:01:14
  Send a non-disclosure Anderson. I don't know what you're talking. Did I say Pamela? I meant
• 1:01:19
  Shmamela Panderpong. Hmm. Got it. Anyway, so Pamela, but his daughter.
• 1:01:30
  Erson. Yeah. So that's, that's where the background came from. So she was making me
• 1:01:36
  breakfast every day. I was falling more and more in love. It was almost worse to have breakfast,
• 1:01:41
  you know, um, the way she poured milk by this time. Were you older? Would you like that?
• 1:01:51
  Being older than 16? Oh yeah. I was 18 now. Okay. Almost. Well, it's your story. I just wanted to
• 1:01:57
  know. I'm just curious. Oh yeah. Well, I'm, this is in North Carolina where I'm sure there's a
• 1:02:02
  different age okay yeah i'm sure okay and um but yeah let's say i was 18 and um anyway i wrote this
• 1:02:12
  song um oh you got your guitar with you yeah i wrote this song um due to my angst i want you to
• 1:02:22
  know we didn't bang till i was 20 good no i'm glad you waited yeah it's probably made it more special
• 1:02:27
  too well i had to comfort her because my father was attacked by a saber-tooth tiger which everyone
• 1:02:34
  thought has been gone not the case they just hide wow well they're really good at it yeah
• 1:02:42
  so he's dead and i'm with pam but this song was written before i was with pam
• 1:02:47
  you're my new mom
• 1:02:59
  cause you're sleeping with
• 1:03:02
  Ron that's my dad's name
• 1:03:04
  and I know that
• 1:03:06
  it's wrong
• 1:03:07
  but I gotta have you
• 1:03:11
  Pamela
• 1:03:12
  get the bowl off the
• 1:03:16
  counter
• 1:03:16
  Clear a space for your legs in my face
• 1:03:20
  Pamela slash mom
• 1:03:24
  I'll take you all night long
• 1:03:26
  I love you
• 1:03:28
  No mom
• 1:03:29
  That was you?
• 1:03:33
  I've heard it so many times
• 1:03:35
  and it's like I never lined it up with
• 1:03:38
  Wow, it's amazing
• 1:03:40
  I didn't obviously have any earth-shattering lyrics
• 1:03:43
  like we almost died
• 1:03:44
  Hey, no
• 1:03:45
  everyone everyone has their own story yeah it shattered your earth it sure did and she loved it
• 1:03:54
  actually when i soap when i perform it
• 1:03:56
  yeah clear my afternoon yeah yeah wow i call it the after boom
• 1:04:04
  it's good yeah good uh thank you for letting me come clean about this it's been
• 1:04:10
  it's hard holding it in.
• 1:04:13
  Oh, no.
• 1:04:13
  Thank you for
• 1:04:14
  thank you for
• 1:04:15
  letting it out.
• 1:04:20
  Uh, yeah.
• 1:04:21
  Well, we were both
• 1:04:23
  wildly successful.
• 1:04:24
  I'm really proud of us.
• 1:04:25
  Yeah, it's good to be successful
• 1:04:25
  and have money.
• 1:04:27
  Well, I guess we've answered
• 1:04:28
  the big question.
• 1:04:30
  The big question.
• 1:04:32
  One final bit of business.
• 1:04:34
  Oh.
• 1:04:36
  Secret words time.
• 1:04:38
  Secret words.
• 1:04:39
  Okay, I'm going to go first.
• 1:04:40
  You are?
• 1:04:41
  Yeah.
• 1:04:43
  I just want you to know,
• 1:04:44
  I have absolutely no clue about you.
• 1:04:47
  I kind of have no,
• 1:04:49
  I have a couple guesses and I'll be pissed.
• 1:04:51
  All right.
• 1:04:52
  Is your word heirloom?
• 1:04:54
  Decoy.
• 1:04:55
  No!
• 1:04:57
  Dang it!
• 1:04:59
  Oh, you tried to get me to say it again.
• 1:05:03
  It's probably for the best though,
• 1:05:04
  because you did say it,
• 1:05:06
  what, twice?
• 1:05:07
  I said it at least once.
• 1:05:08
  You said it a few times.
• 1:05:09
  Yeah, but now that doesn't matter.
• 1:05:10
  yeah exactly you ever know what worse heirloom your bad heirloom saved you from i was gonna say
• 1:05:16
  something about i was gonna ask you what your favorite tomato was uh yeah i would but you know
• 1:05:26
  i don't like tomatoes not really yeah all right well i'm gonna just guess the rest and you can
• 1:05:30
  guess with impunity yeah uh is your word breakfast no oh i don't okay you said breakfast so many
• 1:05:40
  times you didn't guess tumultuous no i'm no tumultuous is oh that's my other guess yeah is
• 1:05:46
  it tumultuous no okay claude i saw you at that one though no that really happened to her
• 1:05:56
  saber tooth no that really happened to him
• 1:05:59
  subway no i really rode that
• 1:06:04
  mince no and my last guess honing you say honing yeah no dang all right what was it
• 1:06:18
  mince meat it was the whole thing you guessed only mince no
• 1:06:25
  Oh my God.
• 1:06:32
  I am so pissed.
• 1:06:34
  As you should be.
• 1:06:36
  I am so pissed.
• 1:06:38
  I saw you pick up the pen too.
• 1:06:39
  I was like, oh shoot.
• 1:06:41
  You saw it too.
• 1:06:42
  I did.
• 1:06:43
  I can't believe that.
• 1:06:44
  And you just saw my setup.
• 1:06:46
  He knew what I was doing.
• 1:06:48
  Oh my God.
• 1:06:50
  Well, you made a long journey from Balon to mints.
• 1:06:53
  Oh my God.
• 1:06:54
  I'm so pissed.
• 1:06:55
  I think you said mincemeat.
• 1:06:57
  I said it?
• 1:06:58
  You did.
• 1:06:58
  You said it once.
• 1:06:59
  God damn it.
• 1:07:02
  Oof.
• 1:07:03
  All right.
• 1:07:03
  Well, your turn.
• 1:07:05
  All right.
• 1:07:06
  Hey, you might still hit me on the decoy.
• 1:07:09
  I don't have any guesses.
• 1:07:12
  I'm kidding.
• 1:07:14
  Waves.
• 1:07:15
  Nope.
• 1:07:18
  Phantom.
• 1:07:19
  Nope.
• 1:07:20
  You look so pissed.
• 1:07:21
  I am pissed.
• 1:07:25
  Derivation.
• 1:07:26
  Nope.
• 1:07:28
  Derivative.
• 1:07:29
  No.
• 1:07:30
  Jarring.
• 1:07:31
  No.
• 1:07:35
  Mannequin.
• 1:07:36
  Nope.
• 1:07:36
  Mannequins.
• 1:07:37
  Nope.
• 1:07:38
  Thank God I said that.
• 1:07:39
  Womannequin.
• 1:07:41
  Mannequin head.
• 1:07:42
  No.
• 1:07:43
  Island.
• 1:07:45
  Nope.
• 1:07:46
  Deserted.
• 1:07:47
  Nope.
• 1:07:49
  Tense.
• 1:07:50
  Nope.
• 1:07:52
  Washboard.
• 1:07:53
  Nope.
• 1:07:55
  sophomore nope
• 1:07:56
  coconuts no coconut nope that's my last guess all right i knew you didn't get either of my words
• 1:08:09
  oh you did yeah my decoy word was jelly bean thank god yeah i know you said that so many times
• 1:08:20
  Oh, there's going to be so many dings in this episode.
• 1:08:24
  And then my real word was audio tape.
• 1:08:30
  Fuck.
• 1:08:31
  Which you did say.
• 1:08:32
  I said it like twice at least.
• 1:08:34
  I think you said it twice.
• 1:08:35
  You definitely said it at least twice.
• 1:08:36
  Maybe a third time.
• 1:08:37
  I didn't remember how many times.
• 1:08:39
  Ah, shit.
• 1:08:41
  Yeah.
• 1:08:42
  That's so obvious now.
• 1:08:46
  Yay, we're both pissed.
• 1:08:49
  Oh.
• 1:08:50
  Damn. So I said your word
• 1:08:52
  at least once
• 1:08:54
  and I guessed your... Just once. I think you said it
• 1:08:55
  twice. You might have been twice. No, it was just once.
• 1:08:58
  He doesn't know. No, I remember.
• 1:08:59
  I don't... I think I...
• 1:09:02
  I don't think I said it more than once because I wrote
• 1:09:03
  down mince and I wouldn't have wanted to repeat
• 1:09:05
  mince meat if mince was the word.
• 1:09:07
  Yeah. No, I remember only once. I don't
• 1:09:10
  remember how many times you said audio tape. You definitely
• 1:09:12
  said it at least twice. Maybe a third
• 1:09:14
  time, but I think twice.
• 1:09:16
  We might be at a net even.
• 1:09:18
  Yes.
• 1:09:18
  Yes.
• 1:09:18
  Yeah.
• 1:09:20
  Which we didn't,
• 1:09:22
  we didn't notice this or comment on it last time,
• 1:09:25
  but you hit 100%.
• 1:09:26
  points in the last episode.
• 1:09:28
  You're the first one to 100.
• 1:09:30
  Oh my god.
• 1:09:32
  So you're still in the lead. I think this nets us even
• 1:09:34
  and we're evenly pissed.
• 1:09:37
  Yeah.
• 1:09:38
  That's the mincemeat.
• 1:09:40
  You know what? You're evenly pissed.
• 1:09:43
  Wow, that was fun.
• 1:09:45
  Yeah, well, I guess
• 1:09:46
  until next week.
• 1:09:48
  Ah, so close.
• 1:09:50
  Alright, bye.
• 1:09:56
  you