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The Hospitality Lies We've All Believed · Far & Familiar

• Britt Fisher: Hi friends. In today's episode, we are going to explore the lies that so many of us fall victim to when it comes to hospitality. And we're not only going to dive deep into what biblical hospitality actually is and really defining our terms there. But we're also going to explore specific accounts in scripture that speak directly to these lies that so many of us internalize when it comes to our own hospitality journeys. I hope you walk away from this episode today feeling encouraged and inspired to open your doors in a new way. Let's do this. Welcome to Far and Familiar, the podcast about faith, biblical hospitality, and courageous adventure for Christian moms who are ready to step outside of their comfort zones and start fully living. If you find yourself feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or uninspired in your everyday life, you found the right place. Friend, you were not made to play it safe and operate in survival mode. You were made to live with eyes up and doors thrown open, chasing the adventure and abundant life God has for you. I'm your host, Britt Fisher, Jesus follower, mama of four, and someone who believes a full dinner table and a passport full of stamps are forms of worship. I've spent years traveling the world with my family, opening our home, and navigating what it actually looks like to live a life outside of my comfort zone. And this podcast is everything I and other mamas who have gone before me have learned along the way. I am so glad you're here. Let's dive in. Hey friends, welcome back to Far and Familiar. Today we are going to dive in to really exploring the hospitality lie that we have all believed. At some point or another, you have likely fallen victim to the Pinterest definition of hospitality, as so many of us have. And today I want to dispel those myths around hospitality. I want to really define what biblical hospitality is. so hopefully you can find the freedom and fruit that God has for you on the other side of obedience and hospitality. But before we dive in, I just want to say thank you so much for pulling up a chair with me today. Having you here is such a gift. If Far and Familiar has felt like a place of welcome for you, the best way to hold the door open for someone else is to leave a quick rating and review. It helps the show reach more women who need a little encouragement. And I read every single one with the most grateful heart. So if you could take thirty seconds of your time to do that, It would mean so much to me today. And with that being said, let's officially open the door to this hospitality conversation. Okay, so as we really examine the hospitality lie that so many of us have believed and internalized, especially in our culture, I think it's really important just to kind of envision in our mind what hospitality even looks like. And maybe get an idea of where you stand in your own personal definition of hospitality. And then today we might challenge that a little bit, but as I say the word hospitality, if you were to close your eyes, if you're driving, don't close your eyes. Just imagine in your head with your eyes wide open. But if you were to create an image in your mind of hospitality, what does that look like? For some people, you know, maybe it includes a really pretty teapot and a couple cups of tea. that's something that comes to my mind initially just because I have been reading Tea Time Discipleship by Sally Clarkson. my goodness, I really hope to have her as a guest on the show at some point. She actually embodies biblical hospitality in a really beautiful way. And tea is a really special part of that for her. And I say that as I am sipping a good strong black cup of tea right now in her honor. but that's an image that comes to me. But also another image that comes to me are our family gatherings growing up. I grew up in a family that we celebrated every major holiday. So think Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, around this beautifully large table that we added a ton of leaves to. We always had extra chairs open, always had extra people that were invited even outside of our family. anyone that needed a place to stay. And it was really a beautiful vision of hospitality. but it also included an entire table full of fine china. My grandmother had multiple different sets of all of these beautiful china. And she would pick out the china and set the table with the crystal goblets. And one of my tasks as a kid was setting out all of the little name tags and giving everyone a place to sit. And that was Part of my view of hospitality growing up is what it looked like to open your home. And it was a whole experience. It was really beautiful and a lot of fun and also a little stressful sometimes. especially as I got older and was aware of the little ones. I was one of the older grandchildren, and worried about all of the China getting broken. I don't actually think any of it ever did, which feels like a small miracle, but You might have a similar picture in your mind. Maybe you picture candles, maybe you picture a cup of coffee or just a really nice meal. maybe you picture a clean house, your kitchen sparkling with clean countertops and zero clutter from the children that has piled up. I don't know about you guys, but that is a constant battle in our home. Or maybe you don't picture anything that's a personal memory at all. Maybe you picture the ideal that you've seen online or in social media, or maybe on Pinterest. I helped coordinate a wedding this week and I made the comment that I'm really thankful that I actually got married before Pinterest existed. Pinterest launched, I think about six months after I got married, we had access to wedding blogs and different things for inspiration, but I'm honestly thankful that I didn't have that resource to some degree. There are definitely things. There were so many touching moments in the wedding that I was a part of this week. and like little thoughtful details in the reception that had I had access to an incredible search engine like Pinterest, I know there are some really fun things I would have loved to incorporate, but I also took so much pressure off. that I didn't even know could have been there had I had access to as many ideas. And so I think sometimes Pinterest can be this really powerful tool, but also Pinterest and social media constantly throw ideas at us and inspiration at us. and not only does it throw ideas at us, it throws ideals at us. And we create this ideal image of what hospitality or opening our home is supposed to look like. Maybe it's supposed to look like that clean house with the sparkling clean clutter-free countertops that I mentioned earlier. Maybe it looks like a really beautifully styled table. my goodness, I'm constantly impressed with the tablescapes that people come up with for parties and all different types of entertaining events that they post to Pinterest. It's so inspiring to me. but in the same breath that it can inspire, it can also kind of handcuff us and it can make us feel a little bit like a slave to the idea that things need to be just right and perfect. Maybe it's the idea of all of these incredible recipes and foods. there is an endless supply of delicious recipe ideas and probably some fails too. I definitely have had some Pinterest fails in there, but ideas Of what a meal is supposed to look like when you have people over for dinner. And here's the real cost of that. You know, I said it can be beautiful inspiration, but it can also be like a pair of handcuffs, sometimes and all too often, we skip hosting entirely because we feel like we're not ready. We don't have ourselves and our lives and our homes put together the way that we see online, or maybe the way that we experienced growing up. Maybe we had a family member like my grandmother who is so gifted, not only in hospitality, but in entertaining. And this is where I really want to start to work and operate under definitions and not just terms. Because I think there are these two terms that are often used synonymously and are actually different. Things. They can go hand in hand, but they can also be completely separate. And that is the idea of entertaining and hospitality. So let's dive into those definitions. So entertaining at its core is the craft of creating an experience for your guests. Entertaining is the what? It's the planning, it's the setting of the table, it's the food, it's the flow of the evening, it's the decor. it's the tablescapes. It's all of the thoughtful details that you put into an event. It's intentional, it's prepared, and it is designed. Hospitality, on the other hand, is a posture. It is the posture of welcoming people into your space and life. It is all about the who. Entertaining is about the what. Hospitality is the who. It is receiving someone so they feel at home. Hospitality is relational. It is open and it is present. Put simply, entertaining is the gift you prepare, and hospitality is the welcome you extend. You can have one without the other. You can have a meticulously planned dinner down to the nines with the most beautiful tablescape where every guest comes in is impressed, but they walk away not really feeling known and not ever really feeling welcomed. Or You can have a chaotic Tuesday where a friend drops by and leaves deeply cared for. Nothing was prepared or planned, or really that intentional aside from the intentionality of opening your door, But your friend feels the warmth and care that is the heart of hospitality. But at their best, they really work together well. And this is where the heart becomes the hinge point between the two. The same act can flow from two different places. We've been going through a sermon series in Proverbs as a church. And recently we had a whole sermon that revolved around the concept of pride. There's actually a lot of wisdom in Proverbs around the heart posture of pride. And hospitality and entertaining from a place of pride comes with this heart posture of I want them to see me. It's not really about the other person, but it's about you yourself not just being seen or known, but being admired. The experience of hospitality and entertaining becomes a stage and your guests become an audience. And the juxtaposition of that is when hospitality and entertaining are done through the context of love. Instead of it being about a performance and you being the one that is honored, true biblical hospitality and the best version of entertaining comes from a place of making your guests feel honored. the entertaining experience becomes a true gift. and the fruit of opening your doors in hospitality is that your friend walks away feeling known and loved. And just as love can be at the core of biblical hospitality and also entertaining separately. Pride can be on both sides too. We already talked about how entertaining can drift into performance, but hospitality has its own shadow. We all too easily can fall into being the come as you are host who is secretly proud of how unfussy and authentic we are. We might use phrases like, you know, it's just about being together to skip intentionality and thoughtfulness that our guests would have appreciated. Neither hospitality or entertaining is immune to the sin of pride. Which is why as we define these terms and we talk about entertaining being about an experience and being the what and hospitality being about an open door and the who. We ultimately draw attention to our own hearts and ask questions and examine our hearts. Asking him to keep our eyes and our motivations pointed where they're supposed to be, pointed rightly. And before we dive even deeper into some biblical examples of this, I do want to discuss and kind of wrestle with how these two things fit together. You know, we've talked about entertaining and hospitality being different things, but I also mentioned that they work at their best, they work really beautifully together. But they don't have to always be together. You can entertain and show hospitality simultaneously. My grandmother is an incredible example of someone who carried those two things really well. And truly, especially when pride gets in the way, you can entertain without being hospitable. Entertaining on its own without a heart of hospitality behind it is really empty. But I do want you to know that it is completely okay to show hospitality without the pressure of entertaining. and I feel like there are three really beautiful examples of this in scripture that I wanna dive into. But first, as we're talking about definitions, I mentioned in part two of our pilot episode the word phylaxenia, which is the Greek word that is kind of the root word of hospitality, and it literally means and translates to love of strangers. But today I also want to bring up the Latin root word. If we're talking about what biblical hospitality actually is and giving biblical examples, I think it's important to look at the actual words that they were using during that time. And the Latin root word of hospitality is the word hospice. And I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right. So please, all of you classical education homeschool moms that have studied Latin with your kids, we have not delved into that yet as a family, feel free to correct me. But hospice is the same root word as hospital and hospice. And I think that's really beautiful because ultimately this root word of hospitality is about caring for people. if you think of hospital and hospice care, you know, you're not thinking of a party. You're not thinking of this elaborate planned meal or opening your doors with a beautiful tablescape. You're thinking of the actual act of stepping in. To someone's life in a really hard moment and loving them well and caring for them well. each of the biblical examples of hospitality that I'm going to share today are really beautiful examples of living out that phylaxenia and the hospice, the love of strangers, and a true care for others. But also each of these stories directly addresses a lie that so many of us fall victim to when it comes to hospitality. The first is from Genesis chapter 18. It is the story of Abraham and the three visitors. In chapter 18, Abraham sees strangers approaching in the heat of the day, and he runs out of his tent to meet them before knowing who they are, and he immediately offers water. And rest and a meal. He honors these complete strangers and these guests. And this directly addresses the lie that you need time to prepare before you can host. He offered hospitality and care instantly. With zero notice or advanced planning, he simply opened his door or his tent flop. or if you go to Second Kings chapter four and read the story of the Shunammite woman, she was a woman whose home was regularly passed by Elisha during his ministry. So as she realized that she was along this path, she decided to do something about that, to offer hospitality to this man who was doing God's work who was regularly passing by her house. So she started by offering him food. And pretty quickly that escalated. and before you know it as you read the story, you find her speaking to her husband and talking about building an extra room on the roof of their house. So that she can keep a standing room ready for Elisha every time he passes through. And she offers all of this without asking for anything in return. I actually read this story this last week as a part of a devotion that I've been doing on endurance. And so the topic was not hospitality at all, But as I read the incredible example that the Shunammite woman shows of hospitality just stuck out to me. And I literally wrote in the margins of my journaling Bible, this is what hospitality looks like. And I believe this story specifically addresses the lie that hospitality has to be occasional or part of a special occasion event. It's easy to picture ourselves opening up our doors for Thanksgiving and Christmas or birthdays or a special girls' night. But true hospitality looks like not only opening our doors on those days, but opening our doors on the normal days, on the days that there is no occasion for it at all. But That comes from a heart of recognizing that hospitality isn't about the occasion, it's about the person. It's the who. And I think this story specifically demonstrates that hospitality can be a really beautiful, consistent rhythm. In fact, I believe that some of the sweetest fruit that we will experience from hospitality comes from when we are willing to Embrace regular rhythms of hospitality. And then finally we land with Lydia Acts chapter sixteen. She has just come to the faith and immediately after her conversion she opens her home to Paul and his companions and urges them to stay. Her example here addresses the lie that you need to have it all figured out first, spiritually, financially, relationally, before you can open your home. and practiced biblical hospitality. She opened her home the moment she believed. Hospitality was an overflow of her heart. It wasn't something that she graduated into. So many of us feel like we not only have to prepare our homes, but we need to be fully prepared in our hearts. We need to have it all figured out. We need to know what we're gonna say. We need to have the wisdom that we seek to offer to our guests. But hospitality as a Christian trusts God's timing and the people that He brings to our home and in the Spirit's leading in our conversations, where we don't have to have everything figured out before we open our doors. And here's the thread that connects all three stories. Not a single one of them waited until they were ready. Hospitality showed up as an immediate response. It was a step of obedience in honoring the people that God had put in front of them. It wasn't a performance requiring preparation. So what does this look like practically? Because you guys know I don't want to just talk in grand definitions and terms and ideas without getting really practical with you of what this can actually look like in your own life. So the first practical example of this is being willing to sort of roll with the punches and open your doors even in the middle of a mess. Maybe it's you are on the phone with a friend And you're trying to figure out a time to get together because you miss spending time together and school has started and sports schedules have started and all of the things. And suddenly you're noticing you're getting less time with the people that you love outside of your home. And you're on the you're on a phone call and you suddenly realize that you both happen to actually have some margin this morning. You might be in the middle of something at home, but she's in the neighborhood or nearby and she meant it and says, Hey, I can stop by. For just a little bit, or maybe you ask, Hey, if you're in this area, why don't you stop by for coffee? Now this takes looking past, you've got a sink full of dishes, maybe some laundry that needs to be folded, maybe there are toys spread all over the living room floor. and I'm giving that imagery, thinking exactly of what my house looked like yesterday. But this is an incredible way to step outside of your comfort zone. We talk about that a lot on this podcast and invite someone over, anyways. You might be surprised by just how inviting your mess can be as your friend realizes that she's not the only one that has dishes pile up and laundry waiting to be folded. a living room floor full of toys. Another practical example is to embrace a simple meal over an elaborate one. I interviewed Elizabeth Santleman on the podcast last week. and as I was talking to her, I can't remember if this actually made it into the episode or not, but we were talking about rhythms of hospitality. and one thing that she shared with me is that she has a set meal that she makes almost every time anyone comes over. It's kind of the meal that she's grown to be known for, which she loves. And it's super simple. I can't even remember what it was. It might have been talkables, but it was something that anytime someone comes to their house, they kind of know what to expect. It's fairly kid friendly. and it is not in any way, shape, or form labor intensive for her as the host. I have a similar set of meals that I pull from frequently when we have people over last minute for dinner. Last year we hosted a homeschool co-op on our house every Tuesday. or over the summer, we would have people over to swim in the afternoons. And if things went later or we were really enjoying our time and I knew maybe that my friend didn't already have a plan for dinner. I always knew that I had extra ground beef in the freezer that I could quickly thaw and cook and a handful of meals that I knew I could put together using that ground beef and other pantry and fridge tables that I have to be able to invite them over for dinner, even last minute. It didn't require preparation And for me, those meals are simple things like burger bowls, which basically is just all of the toppings that you would put on a burger in bowl form. We normally do some like homemade air fried French fries or sweet potatoes or sometimes just lettuce as our base. And then we add ground beef and shredded cheese and pickles and tomatoes. And I make a homemade burger sauce, and it's super simple, but always a hit. or another favorite ground beef meal of ours are Korean beef bowls. This is another really simple one. I cook the ground beef, I throw a concoction of different Asian sauces and spices in with the meat, normally some soy sauce, maybe some maple syrup or honey, some rice wine vinegar. If I have ground ginger on hand. Some garlic, I'll throw that in there as well. And I'll create kind of an Asian saucy ground beef. I'll throw some rice in the instant pot and let it cook. And then we top it with shredded carrots, or sometimes we'll saute the carrots and a little bit of soy sauce and brown sugar, really, really yummy. and cook those down first. And then I will normally quick pickle some vegetables. So some cucumbers, some red onions, throw those in a bowl, cover them with some vinegar, maybe a little drizzle of honey and a pinch of salt. and kind of quick pickle those and we'll put those on top. Another super, super simple meal. It's always a crowd pleaser and it's something I can throw together really last minute. So find some simple meals that you can do this with that aren't elaborate that kind of take that stress off of hosting of knowing this is something really easy that I can throw together. Another favorite of mine is to lean into instant pot soups. I am so excited about the weather getting cooler because guys, it is soup season. It doesn't feel like soup season here yet, to be honest. But we just dropped into the 80s after like six weeks of a hundred plus degree days. So I am proclaiming it soup season prematurely and I am rocking all of the instant pot soup recipes. This is something that if you do know someone is coming over, but you just want to know that you can be fully present and not be having to cook at the last minute, that you can throw things in at the beginning of the day and then when mealtime comes, you know it is just prepped and ready in the pot, ready to serve. It doesn't have to be really a multi piece meal. You can grab a loaf of sourdough or a baguette from the grocery store and have some bread and some soup and you have a full delicious satisfying meal. And then a final really simple example of biblical hospitality is to let people help you instead of hiding the work. And here's how this plays out. So when my husband was in residency, the group of us wives that kind of survived together, we called each other the sister wives. And every Friday night we had what was called Friday night dinners. I think it was probably inspired by Friday night dinners from Gilmore Girls, but very different in the context. We were not in a fancy home with a cook preparing everything for us. But basically we would just kind of pool our resources of whatever all of us had in our fridges, and we would all meet at one house and cook together. It wasn't, you know, the whoever was hosting, you know, opened the doors, but we would cook together. Now sometimes, you know, we would just rotate who planned and prepared the meals, but a lot of times we were just in the kitchen together doing the work. Or another example of this is if one of us had a house project, we would all work together to get it done. We would rotate between each other's houses. Maybe I needed to paint our nursery because I was pregnant with my second. Or maybe another person's sink wasn't working right. And so we would all kind of pull our resources together and let kids play while we figured it out. YouTube was a really powerful tool and still is. But a really incredible version of hospitality is opening your doors and inviting people into the work with you. And I know there might be some friction there in your heart as you think of this as, but hospitality is supposed to be honoring our guests and caring for and loving them well. And that is true. But I also think it's important to recognize that inviting someone into work alongside of you can be a way of loving them well. I mean, if you look at the creator of the universe, he didn't have to invite us into work alongside of him. If you even just look at the creation story itself, God called the day, day, and the night, night. He named those things at the beginning of creation, But then he created Adam and he tasked Adam to name all of the animals and the creatures that he'd created for the garden. He didn't have to give Adam that privilege. He could have named every single animal himself. But he invited Adam into the work alongside of him, that that was a way of honoring who he had created Adam to be. And I think when we invite our friends alongside us into the work that we are doing in our lives and our homes, and we're willing to step into the same with them their homes and lives. We experience the beautiful fruit of gospel community that God intended for us from the very beginning. So here is my challenge for you this week. As you go through the next week, I want to encourage you to open your doors to someone without feeling like you have to get ready first. Maybe it's being spontaneous and inviting somebody over when you realize you have an opening, even if you didn't have a chance to fold the laundry or clean the house first. Or maybe it's inviting someone over for dinner that you know maybe is having a hard week and would be really blessed by a meal, even if you didn't pre plan a grocery shop for at first. Maybe you're pulling from your freezer stores of extra ground beef and embracing the burger bowl that I talked about earlier. But regardless of the specifics, I want you to open your doors before you feel ready. Because ultimately what this podcast is all about is encouraging us to keep our eyes up towards the world around us and towards our father in heaven who is lovingly guiding us in every moment when we're willing to pay attention. And our doors open to whatever it is that he's calling us to. So lean in and do just that this week. all right, I wanna close just by speaking a prayer over you. So just receive this with open hands and heart. Father, thank you for creating us for community and for placing inside of us a longing to be fully known. Father, will you protect us from the enemy who wants to stifle that longing, who whispers that our weaknesses and our imperfections are too much to share? God, we know that you see all of us. You see the gifts you've given us and the beautiful fruit that you are growing in our lives, and you see where we fall short, where we are flawed. And where we're afraid, and you love us in the midst of all of it. God, will you let that unconditional love that you so freely give us make us brave? Help us to offer our community the same openness that we bring to you. Help us open our doors, even when it feels scary, even when it feels uncomfortable, and even when our rough edges are showing. This week, encourage and empower us to move towards the people around us. And bless every conversation, every shared table or cup of coffee, and every moment of connection that comes from it. We love you, Lord. Amen. Friends, I hope you walk away today feeling encouraged, but also push just a little bit outside of your comfort zone. I can't wait to meet with you guys again in the next episode, but until then, eyes up, doors open.