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Sober Talk SA - Andy · Sober Talk SA

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  Welcome to sober talk. I'm Dennis and I've lived
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  experience of alcohol. If you or anyone you know is
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  struggling with alcohol, please call Alcoholics Anonymous on
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  1300 double 22222 or check out their website on aa.org dot AU.
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  I'll just run through the preamble of Alcoholics
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  Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
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  fellowship of men and women who share their experience,
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  strengthen hope with each other. They must solve their come
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  problems and help others to recover from alcoholism.
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  The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop
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  drinking. There are no dues of fees for
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  AIR membership. We are self support through our
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  own contributions. AIR is not allied with any sex
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  denomination, politics, organization or institution,
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  Does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses or
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  oppose any causes. Our primary pass is stairsleman
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  help other Alcoholics achieve sobriety.
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  Hello, my name's Andy. I'm an alcoholic.
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  I'm a member of a A. When I first started going to
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  meetings, I'll talk about what it was like.
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  I first sort of picked up a drink when I was approximately
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  5-6 years old. My father, we was a tradesman,
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  would let his kids, I'm one of three go and get a study.
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  And if you go and get your old man a beer, you can have a swig.
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  And I was, AI was the kind of kid that, you know, I, I
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  remember vividly my, my father just giving me a, you know, not
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  a, not a hard smack across the head, but enough to go oy, you
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  know, because I definitely swigged at it a little bit too
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  hard. And there was a few gulps
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  involved in that. I had my experience with drugs
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  as well. I definitely had my first good
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  drunk at 11 years old, blind drunk with my brother's
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  girlfriend. We were drinking cruises.
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  No it was Cougar Cougar and Coke at a Commission flats in
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  Melbourne City, Victoria, Australia and it just progressed
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  very quickly from there. I, I was expelled from 2 schools
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  in high school and by the age of 15, I was allowed to do an
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  apprenticeship with carpentry. And I was definitely binge
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  drinking every Friday and Saturday night and doing
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  anything to, to get away from reality.
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  And it was, I eventually stuffed up that carpentry apprenticeship
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  after about 10 months, 12 months.
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  So I had to go and work with my father who was a bricklayer.
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  And he said some very strong words that I, I hung onto for a
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  very long time. And that was men that work hard
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  deserve to drink. And so I did my best to work as
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  hard as I could, and I drank and I drank a lot and I made a lot
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  of very bad decisions. I still had a lot of other
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  substances that were going on, but alcohol was definitely
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  number one. And I would have been 18.
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  I would have been 18 years old and had my first breakup.
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  I wasn't 18 1/2 and I'd drunken so much that I swore that I
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  wasn't going to drink for 40 days.
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  And I ended up doing it. I, I went 40 days without a
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  drink and, you know, proved to everyone that, you know, I
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  could, I could beat alcohol. And of course, 40 days was
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  nowhere near enough for someone who drank like I did.
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  You know, it took a little while to get back on it and get the
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  taste back for it. But I was a very persistent
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  person. So I, I kept going out there and
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  giving it a, a nudge and it ended up costing me a lot of
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  relationships and a lot of friendships.
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  And you know, when you're ringing up members of your
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  family 10:30 at night, black out drunk, they don't really want to
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  talk to you and they're, they're fully aware of the kind of
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  nonsense that you're going to talk.
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  So I staggered through life, then my my girlfriend when I was
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  about 24. At that stage I'd already had
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  one DUI, drink, drink driving, lost my license for 13 months.
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  During that time I met up with a lady in Adelaide.
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  I rekindled a relationship that I had with a lady that moved to
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  Adelaide and after three or four months of our renewed
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  relationship, she announced she was pregnant.
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  I was still catching the bus because I was unable to drive
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  because my DUII took it on the chin, something I was quite
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  proud of. But at the same time it's
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  probably because I was too chicken to go to jail and I
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  remember sitting on the bus because you lose your license
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  for drink driving. So what do you do if you start
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  drinking more? I remember sitting there on the
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  bus and her being pregnant and me swearing that my daughters
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  were never going, my daughter was going to see me drink.
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  It never ended up happening. I moved over there, moved over
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  here to SA and of course I controlled it as much as I could
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  and I had my mother who was living over here as well, really
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  doing her best to make sure that I kept my under my alcohol
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  somewhat under control. And of course the the devils and
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  things that you know, come up through my anger and you know,
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  I, I had somewhat control of it, but I didn't.
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  And I remember my heavily pregnant girlfriend saying
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  pulling me up once I rolled over the next morning after I had a
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  little binge and I rolled over and I had no idea what the hell
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  I did after about 8:00 at night. And I presume that the party
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  rolled on because I woke up in bed, but my last recollection
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  was sitting in my backyard. I rolled over and I said, I'm
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  sorry, honey. And she's like, what are you
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  sorry for? Took her a couple of seconds to
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  click. She said, you can't remember a
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  damn thing that happened, can you?
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  She's like, you were blackout drunk.
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  I had to admit it. And then a lot of other things
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  seemed to compile. I was never very good at holding
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  down a job. I'd make friends and only keep
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  them around for a very short period of time.
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  And yeah, I by the age of 28 I'd completely lost everything and I
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  was only allowed to see my daughters if I was sober.
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  My mother wanted nothing to do with me.
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  I'd already done one stint in a psychiatric ward for a fortnight
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  and one rehab and I was I was spent.
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  It was 2 psychiatric wards, I should say, and the only way
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  that my ex, my ex-girlfriend, would let me see my daughters
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  was if I was sober. And it was not something I could
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  do. I knew that I couldn't do it
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  alone, and I reached out to DASA and certain places I'd already
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  been to a rehabilitation center in Melbourne, private a private
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  1, and I couldn't stop. I knew I couldn't.
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  I was allowed to spend a week with my daughters, but I had to
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  be sober. And I knew I couldn't do that.
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  And I'd already heard of a A and I'd heard some.
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  Some people had introduced me to it, My father and certain people
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  had mentioned a, A and I walked into my first meeting completely
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  destroyed. I remember the night before I
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  had alcohol all throughout my friend's house that I was living
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  at. And you know, I had, I had about
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  four cases of beer. And the night before I went to a
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  meeting, I was mucking around. I had a million things to do and
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  I, I had my first stubby at, at 10:00 at night and I drank it
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  down and then I had about a mouthful, 2 mouthfuls out of the
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  next beer and I just tipped down the sink.
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  And it, it was something I'd never done, you know, like I'd
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  leave, wake up the next morning and I'd wake up and there were
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  two or three stubbies, you know, amongst all the empties that
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  still had, you know, 3/4 or half a stubby in them.
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  And I was so ashamed of myself because I thought, well, Jesus,
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  I could have, wow, that could have given my, my liver more
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  exercise. And it was the, the start of me
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  rebuilding my life. And I ended up, I ended up very,
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  very slowly rebuilding a relationship with the mother of
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  my children, my two daughters. I, I've got, I have two
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  daughters and I got a, an OK job and I had everything that I, I
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  wanted. I believed I, I had moments of
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  serenity. I could sit out, I could sit at
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  the, the house that I used to rent and the gardens were
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  maintained. The, the, the, the grass was
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  mowed, the, the kids were playing on their on their swings
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  and they were just happy. And I was sitting there with a
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  coffee and a cigarette. And she was my fiance at the
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  time. I ended up marrying the mother
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  of my children and I was content and it was so alien to me.
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  I'd never felt anything like that before.
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  I wish I could tell you that's where the story stops.
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  But I ended up becoming irritable and discontent and I
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  wanted more and I stopped going to meetings and I stopped
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  talking with, with good, with good, humble people.
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  And I started to take on board things that I, I thought I was
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  entitled to. So, you know, like you hear
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  little cliches in those in the business worlds and the business
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  forums of if you hang around 9 successful people, you'll become
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  the 10th. And my drive for money and
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  things and my want for more got the better of me.
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  And I, I completely lost what I thought was my core beliefs of,
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  of my, my daughters and doing what was right for there's a
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  little, you know, for everyone. I just started to want more.
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  And that ended up causing my divorce.
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  And subsequently, about a year, year and a half later, I ended
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  up going out there and drinking again.
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  And that was one of the worst mistakes I ever made.
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  Because you go out there and you, you start drinking after 7
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  1/2 years of being sober, you, you hear of all the weird and
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  wonderful ways that people used to hide alcohol and you end up
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  doing it yourself. And all of those things that I
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  built up over 7 1/2 years haunt me sometimes.
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  The fact that I, I was so discontented and yet I still sit
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  here today and yes, I am. I don't have much sobriety, but
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  I, I did have a lot and well, I had 7 1/2 years and it all
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  starts with one day. And it wasn't a rehab or a
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  counselor or you know, some university graduate or some,
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  someone with 101 university degrees that got me sober.
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  It was, it was a gentleman that are in the a, a meetings with,
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  with the dirt under their fingernails and, and 101 stories
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  of, of the stupidity that they'd survived and the amazing things
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  that they had seen. And you, you talk to some of
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  these, these, these nurses and things about, you know, you
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  can't physically drink that it would kill you.
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  And I've been, I've been around enough people to drink.
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  And you figure out that it's, it's true.
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  And you start torturing your body and it's, it's a, it's a
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  special kind of hell when you're an alcoholic and you know the
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  right thing to do. And yet you still you still try
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  to find an easier, softer way than not drinking.
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  And I heard I heard someone say just last night about non
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  alcoholic wine and it's just I can't touch that.
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  I some, I used to feel guilty when I had a, a good amount of
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  sobriety up to drink the, the Bundaberg ginger beer out of
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  those stubbies because they're, they're reminiscent of, of a of,
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  of, of beer stubby. And it's when you, when you got
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  to get sober, you, you give up .2% of your life, you got 2%,
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  you give up 2% of your life and you regain 98% of it because
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  that 2% of your life, you're, you're obsessing about getting
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  that next drink. And when you start to get a
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  little bit of clarity in your life, you see that that's what
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  happens. And you get clearer thoughts and
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  you start to see that, wow, my whole focus is pretty much no
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  different than than those people who are addicted to heroin.
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  It's just it's socially acceptable for me.
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  You know, like I live in Australia.
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  We, we have a culture of if you work hard, you deserve a beer or
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  I'm having a glass of wine to be social for this business deal.
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  I am drinking because I feel sad.
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  I am celebrating the fact that I got a promotion at work.
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  I there is absolutely of there's a billion reasons to drink to a
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  billion excuses to have a drink. But when it cost me way over
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  half of my life, way over half my life, my sanity, my health,
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  my dignity, my financials, it's my family, it's it's not, it's
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  not worth the gamble. And I sit here and I can say
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  that, but whether I walk the walk or talk the talk are two
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  very different things. So I am choosing to go to a A so
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  that I can have something that I know that works for me.
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  And I still do talk to drug and alcohol counsellors and things
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  like that. And I'm hoping in time I can
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  work with people in addiction and people that have gone
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  through traumas in their life. And a lot of people have said to
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  me that they either go, yes, you should do it or B, you are way
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  too crazy for it. And that's what happens to
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  people when, when we go to hospital and we see someone on
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  a, on a Gurney in the emergency room next to us and they're,
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  they're shouting profanities and you go, wow, I'm glad that's not
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  me. But you forget that you were
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  probably that guy 3 weeks ago or a month ago or a year ago that
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  was in that blackout stage. That had done those things and
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  it's very hard for us to it's very hard for me to, to work out
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  when I'm at fault. And I, I know a lot of people
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  have that problem and it's, it's your life's not going to be
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  perfect when you stop drinking. There were a lot of times where
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  I made a lot of bad choices and I have done very silly things,
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  but they were nowhere near as bad as when I had a belly full
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  of booze and not thinking with my head.
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  I was just doing my next impulse.
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  I would strive to, you know, someone would would mention a
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  day or two prior that they did something and of course I would
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  have to one up them. And it's no way of living if you
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  if you have to be the loudest person in the room with people
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  really ever listening to you. And it's a very humbling
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  program. And if anything that I've said
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  today, it hits you in any way, then maybe you should think
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  about coming to a meeting. And I'm sure you're not going to
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  be in your, in your Sunday best and cleanly shaven and thinking
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  the world is roses. It's it's going to hit you hard.
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  And it does hit all of us very hard.
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  And we've seen many, I've, I have personally seen many people
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  not survive the alcoholism and, and drug abuse in general.
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  It's a very hard thing to, to grapple with.
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  But you do have people out there who will stand there and laugh
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  with you at some of the silly things.
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  Like I would go to people, I would tell people some of the
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  silly things that I've done and they would just stand there and
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  go. That is completely unbelievable.
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  I do not believe it. And then I talk to certain
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  members of a A and I not only tell some people, not all
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  people, but I talk to some people about where my train of
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  thought was and all of that. And they can verbalize it better
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  than I can. They can put the context around
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  it. They can give a deeper meaning
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  to it and they can see, they can see through all of your garbage.
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  And I am someone that needs that and I'm a member of Alcoholics
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  Anonymous and I hope I will be a member for a while longer.
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  But at the same time, I'm happy just not having a drink today
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  and going to a meeting tonight. That's excellent Andy, very
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  good. Thank you.
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  You're doing really well then. Thanks for the share and yeah,
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  it works if you work it and if you have you know as I say, if
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  you've got a problem with alcohol, then just one 1300
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  double 22222 and that will get you in touch with the
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  fellowship. So great stuff.
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  Thanks for taking the time out to to share and I'll speak to
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  you in a second. We have local meetings for the
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  full week in the local area. Monday is Gala meeting at 8:00,
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  Tuesday is Elizabeth E at 8:00, Wednesday is Elizabeth E at
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  8:00, Thursday is 2 Wells at 8:00 and Friday is Salisbury at
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  8:00. There's a meeting at Daveron
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  Park at 12:00 and on Sunday there's a maintenance Salisbury
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  at 7:00 and many of the maintenance in the area.
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  For details of your local maintenance, please phone 1300
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  double 22222. And once again, if anyone you
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  know is struggling with alcohol issues, please call Alcoholics
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  Anonymous on 1300 double 22222 The website isasa.org dot AU.