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Feeling Lost After Life Changes · This Daring Adventure

• 0:03
  Welcome to This Daring Adventure Podcast, where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life.
• 0:14
  In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills you need to make your life the adventure you want it to be.
• 0:22
  Here is your host, mindset mentor and life coach, Trista Guertin.
• 0:34
  Trista: Hey, everybody.
• 0:34
  Trista: Welcome back to This Daring Adventure.
• 0:37
  Trista: So I went down a rabbit hole this afternoon thinking about what I wanted to post on Substack, and I don't know if you're on Substack, but I'm enjoying it, and there's crap on there, don't get me wrong.
• 0:52
  Trista: But I'm spending a lot of time there these days reading some interesting stuff, and I wanted to post something and was trying to think about, "Okay, what could I post that would mean something to somebody that maybe would
• 1:14
  Trista: speak to them that would be helpful?"
• 1:18
  Trista: And I do that all the time, but I, started thinking about, "Okay, I'm here in Mozambique.
• 1:25
  Trista: I've been here for three months.
• 1:26
  Trista: I'm about to go on vacation."
• 1:28
  Trista: And actually, when you listen to this podcast, I will be on vacation, and thinking about how much I'm enjoying this.
• 1:37
  Trista: I'm enjoying the work.
• 1:39
  Trista: I'm enjoying the place.
• 1:40
  Trista: I'm enjoying a lot.
• 1:43
  Trista: Not everything, but okay, a lot, a lot.
• 1:46
  Trista: It's a really great place.
• 1:48
  Trista: It's very beautiful, and I'm thrilled to be in Africa again.
• 1:52
  Trista: But- It wasn't easy to reach this point, and by this point, and somebody said this to me the other day is that, most people wouldn't understand you or understand your life.
• 2:07
  Trista: And I'm like, "Yeah, I know."
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  Trista: And it's actually a point of pride for me now.
• 2:15
  Trista: But it was something that I struggled with for a long, long time.
• 2:19
  Trista: And I started thinking back, and probably, as we all do, maybe, thinking back to adolescence and growing up and, being in my 20s, and I never did things completely conventionally, and I did choose a different life.
• 2:37
  Trista: I did choose to travel and move around and a different career, not to get married, not to have children, and I chose those things very intentionally.
• 2:48
  Trista: But I did struggle with it, and the thing that I struggled is, am I normal?
• 2:53
  Trista: Am I doing this wrong?
• 2:54
  Trista: Is there something wrong with me?
• 2:57
  Trista: Why don't I just wanna do what everybody else wants to do?
• 3:01
  Trista: Until, you evolve.
• 3:04
  Trista: I evolved and made it to the point now where I'm very proud of the life that I've created, and I love it.
• 3:15
  Trista: And the- there were a few turning points, but certainly one of them was when I found coaching.
• 3:25
  Trista: And I was getting coached myself, and then getting certified as a coach, so I was listening to other women being coached.
• 3:38
  Trista: I was listening to other women coach.
• 3:40
  Trista: I was coaching them.
• 3:42
  Trista: And one of the themes that I recognized was that a lot of women, almost every woman, somehow had the idea that there was something wrong with her or that she was doing it wrong, and by it, it could
• 4:03
  Trista: be anything you can insert or just life in general.
• 4:08
  Trista: And sometimes both, right?
• 4:10
  Trista: There's something wrong with you, and you're doing life wrong, which is fun.
• 4:15
  Trista: So I realized that if all these women are thinking the same way, the same thing, that there's something wrong with them, that they're doing something wrong, this just can't be.
• 4:31
  Trista: it can't be that we're all wrong or we're doing it wrong.
• 4:36
  Trista: Because then who is doing it right?
• 4:39
  Trista: Nobody.
• 4:41
  Trista: And so I realized as I learned more about why this was happening that we have this brain that brains.
• 4:54
  Trista: And we have the primitive part of our brain that is seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, being as efficient as possible, trying to avoid risks, trying to keep us safe, trying to just keep repeating what it knows.
• 5:13
  Trista: And it means well, but it will do that if left to its own devices.
• 5:20
  Trista: And then we are also programmed.
• 5:25
  Trista: We are also raised in certain ways.
• 5:29
  Trista: We are exposed to the media, to our culture, to education, religion, our parents and our family and the way we're raised, right?
• 5:39
  Trista: And that has a huge impact.
• 5:42
  Trista: And if you look at Peter Sage's TED Talk, which I linked to in my Monday Mindset a couple weeks ago He talks about how a lot of our personality, a lot of our experiences shaped us before the age
• 6:03
  Trista: of seven, and we carry that through life.
• 6:08
  Trista: And so this, this acts upon us, this influences us, it drives us, creates us, and we continue to carry that through our lives.
• 6:20
  Trista: And then, of course, we have various other experiences.
• 6:24
  Trista: If you failed a French test, if somebody said something to you, if your relationship ended, you went through a divorce, whatever it is, obviously those impact you.
• 6:35
  Trista: So it all comes together in a big stew, and it drives our brain, our mind, and influences the way we're thinking and the way then we're feeling, and then the way that we're showing up, the way we act,
• 6:56
  Trista: ultimately creating our results And so Whatever we do, whatever we say, whatever we feel, whatever we're thinking makes sense.
• 7:14
  Trista: It comes from one of these, all of these, some of these.
• 7:20
  Trista: It all influences us.
• 7:22
  Trista: It all has created us, and so it makes sense.
• 7:26
  Trista: We may not like it, we may not completely understand it, we may not remember exactly why, but there is a reason.
• 7:37
  Trista: And so today I wanted to talk about why you're not doing life wrong.
• 7:47
  Trista: And it doesn't matter whether you're navigating a divorce, or you're empty nesting, or maybe you are sitting in a career that used to make sense, but now every single morning feels like you're wearing shoes that are two sizes
• 8:03
  Trista: too small.
• 8:05
  Trista: Or maybe you've lost your job, and you're in the thick of a job search that's not going the way you had hoped And these massive transitions will put you in a place that you never expected to be Maybe
• 8:25
  Trista: you don't feel like you know who you are anymore.
• 8:28
  Trista: Maybe you're exhausted.
• 8:30
  Trista: Maybe you're feeling frustrated.
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  Trista: And if you're being honest with yourself, maybe you're feeling a little resentful.
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  Trista: And above all, you feel stuck.
• 8:41
  Trista: And you look around at your life and you think, "I just wanna feel like myself again.
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  Trista: How did I end up here?
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  Trista: What is wrong with me?"
• 8:51
  Trista: I want you to take a deep breath right now because there's something critical to tell you And I want you to hear me here.
• 9:00
  Trista: There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not doing anything wrong.
• 9:09
  Trista: You are not doing life wrong If there's one thing that you ever take away from this podcast, it's that there is nothing wrong with you.
• 9:21
  Trista: So let's take a look at what is actually happening In life, we have circumstances.
• 9:30
  Trista: These are neutral facts.
• 9:33
  Trista: Let's say a divorce paper is signed.
• 9:36
  Trista: The house is empty.
• 9:38
  Trista: The job title exists on LinkedIn.
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  Trista: These are just neutral facts in the world.
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  Trista: Not good, bad, right, wrong, but you can prove them in a court of law.
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  Trista: They exist.
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  Trista: They're real.
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  Trista: Now, you will have a thought about those circumstances, and when a major life transition happens, your brain, which is biologically designed for safety and efficiency, remember, seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, being as efficient as possible, looks at the unknown
• 10:13
  Trista: and panics, freaks out, starts thinking thoughts like, "I'm starting over too late."
• 10:21
  Trista: "I've sacrificed everything, and now I have nothing left."
• 10:25
  Trista: "I should have figured this out by now."
• 10:29
  Trista: What is actually happening is that your brain is defaulting to catastrophizing because it treats the unknown as a physical threat.
• 10:38
  Trista: This is just standard human brain mechanics operating under stress.
• 10:43
  Trista: It's normal.
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  Trista: This is what your brain does.
• 10:48
  Trista: It is braining.
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  Trista: That's okay.
• 10:50
  Trista: Nothing has gone wrong.
• 10:54
  Trista: Now, when you think those thoughts, they create your feelings.
• 10:59
  Trista: And thoughts like, "I'm starting over too late," produce feelings of exhaustion, panic, and resentment, fear, doubt.
• 11:10
  Trista: Any of those, some of those, all of the above.
• 11:15
  Trista: So when you feel heavy, anxious, or lost, it is not evidence that your life is over, or that you've ruined your trajectory, or that it's too late.
• 11:27
  Trista: It is simply evidence that you have a human brain, having human thoughts, creating human emotions about a massive life shift.
• 11:38
  Trista: And it's hard.
• 11:39
  Trista: It's challenging But nothing has gone wrong.
• 11:43
  Trista: This is not terminal.
• 11:46
  Trista: It's just a brain that needs to be managed And so what happens is most women handle this discomfort in one of two ways.
• 11:56
  Trista: Either they resist it and they tell themselves they shouldn't feel sad, resentful, or scared, adding an extra layer of self-shame on top of the pain.
• 12:07
  Trista: Or they might freeze.
• 12:09
  Trista: They wait around for clarity or motivation to strike before making a move But here's what I teach my private coaching clients.
• 12:22
  Trista: You don't need to fix your entire life today to start feeling like yourself again.
• 12:26
  Trista: Feeling like yourself again doesn't mean jumping back into your old 20-year-old's identity or pretending that the transition didn't happen, because it did, and there's actually no way we can go back to you before.
• 12:41
  Trista: But you can feel like yourself again, and it means learning how to be in authority over your current emotional life, and that you're managing your mind.
• 12:58
  Trista: It means allowing yourself to feel the full range of human emotions, because that's what we're here for, and it's not always going to be rainbows and daisies.
• 13:10
  Trista: There's gonna be grief over what ended.
• 13:13
  Trista: There's gonna be anxiety about what's next.
• 13:16
  Trista: There's gonna be excitement for what's possible.
• 13:19
  Trista: Without deciding that any of those feelings mean you're failing.
• 13:24
  Trista: And when you stop fighting your emotions, you stop leaking mental energy.
• 13:31
  Trista: You pull your focus out of the past, stop rehearsing catastrophe in the future, and bring your agency back to the present moment, because that's where your power is.
• 13:45
  Trista: That's what you can control So how do you actually start rebuilding and start creating?
• 13:55
  Trista: You start with self-trust.
• 13:58
  Trista: When you go through a big life change, your self-trust takes a hit because you feel like the life you built collapsed or shifted without your permission.
• 14:10
  Trista: You didn't ask for that.
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  Trista: You didn't want it.
• 14:13
  Trista: Okay.
• 14:16
  Trista: But you do not rebuild self-trust by making a massive 10-year master plan today.
• 14:21
  Trista: You wanna start building self-trust through micro decisions.
• 14:28
  Trista: So you wanna pick one tiny thing that belongs entirely to you.
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  Trista: Tiny.
• 14:34
  Trista: Tiny.
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  Trista: Saying no to an obligation you don't have the bandwidth for, going for a 15-minute walk without listening to work emails, deciding what you want for dinner without taking a vote Meditating for two minutes to give yourself a little
• 14:56
  Trista: piece of mindfulness.
• 14:59
  Trista: Every time you make a small decision for yourself, you decide what you're gonna do, and then you do it, you honor it, you prove to your brain that you are in control of your life and you have your
• 15:13
  Trista: own back It's work.
• 15:19
  Trista: It's just little steps consistently, persistently.
• 15:25
  Trista: And that is how you step out of survival mode and start creating what's next.
• 15:31
  Trista: Again, this is where your power is But listen, navigating this alone is hard because your brain will constantly try to protect you and try to drag you back into the old thought loops and survival habits.
• 15:53
  Trista: And it's probably easy for you to look at someone else and see what's going on and understand it, but it's almost impossible to see your own while you're standing inside it.
• 16:05
  Trista: You can't read the label from inside the box or the jar, And this is exactly why I do this work.
• 16:15
  Trista: Almost nine years ago, I was in a relationship that went on too long that I probably had no business being in, and I was so frustrated and so upset.
• 16:26
  Trista: My emotions were overwhelming me, and I didn't know how to deal with it.
• 16:33
  Trista: It was only through coaching that I was taught the tools and the skills of how to become emotionally resilient and have authority over what was going on in my mind and in my body, and that changed everything for
• 16:53
  Trista: me.
• 16:53
  Trista: I learned how to do this work, and it had such an impact.
• 16:58
  Trista: I saw how powerful it was.
• 17:00
  Trista: I decided to become a coach myself because I think everybody should have these tools.
• 17:07
  Trista: Everybody should learn this stuff.
• 17:11
  Trista: And in my private coaching program, I help women who have been battered by big life changes clear out the mental noise, process the emotional overwhelm, and rebuild that relationship with yourself, which is the most important relationship you will
• 17:27
  Trista: ever have.
• 17:29
  Trista: And you start to build that self-trust again, and you start to learn how to feel like yourself again and create what you want.
• 17:40
  Trista: Maybe you didn't have any control over what happened to you, but y- you still have all of your power, and what comes next is up to you.
• 17:51
  Trista: And listen, this isn't therapy.
• 17:52
  Trista: We don't spend months analyzing the past, but we clean up your thinking.
• 17:57
  Trista: We anchor your emotional authority, and we get you moving forward with purpose and clarity and self-compassion.
• 18:05
  Trista: You can feel like yourself again, stronger, clearer, and fully in charge of what comes next, whatever you wanna create, who you wanna become.
• 18:16
  Trista: It might seem like a daunting task right now, but this is where you learn the tools and skills to move yourself forward, and bit by bit, step by step, you figure it out.
• 18:27
  Trista: But you get the support that you need.
• 18:30
  Trista: So if you're ready to stop worrying and stop surviving and start actively creating what's next, I want you to head over to the link in the show notes and book your one-to-one consultation with me today.
• 18:42
  Trista: You wanna talk to me live.
• 18:44
  Trista: You wanna start seeing what is possible for you, and I promise you there is so much possibility.
• 18:53
  Trista: This is the best time, and you're just getting started.
• 18:59
  Trista: Let's build what's next together.
• 19:02
  Trista: Have a powerful week, everyone.
• 19:05
  Trista: I'll talk to you next time.
• 19:06
  Trista: Bye-bye