Latest / The BIG Home Ed Conversations | Home Education / How far we've come!

Transcript

How far we've come! · The BIG Home Ed Conversations | Home Education

0:15
Hello everybody, welcome to the big home Ed conversations.
0:18
You are here as always with myself, Kelly Rig.
0:20
I'm a home Ed mum of two and founder of off reading
0:23
Motherhood and a qualified mindset coach.
0:25
I work with families who are in transitioning to home education,
0:28
possibly new divergent families, as well as they're dealing with
0:30
the various struggles relating to mainstream education and
0:33
starting to come out into the home Ed environment, which can
0:37
be really, really massive, to be honest, massive mindset shifts
0:39
going on there and I'm joined as always with my good friend
0:42
Ashley Venario. So she he is also a fellow home
0:45
Med mum of three beautiful girls and an ex primary teacher.
0:48
And this podcast was founded on the conversations that me and
0:53
her were having all the time. We would find ourselves getting
0:56
into some real passionate, very kind of like intentional
1:00
conversations. And we found ourselves thinking,
1:02
you know what, these would make great podcasts and we wanted to
1:05
come on and actually offer them to you.
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So make a soft cup of coffee, pull up a chair, come join us at
1:09
the table. This will listen like a
1:11
conversation. So I hope that you will enjoy
1:13
joining us for it today. We have basically decided to go
1:17
back and listen to the very first episode that we put out,
1:22
which was The Who and the why. Now, if you haven't listened to
1:25
that one yet, it it's literally 20 minutes long.
1:26
It was always intended as a really quick, bite sized way to
1:30
get to know a little bit about the vibe for this podcast and
1:33
why we record it. And we listened back to it with
1:37
the thoughts that maybe things might have shifted from our
1:40
initial intentions. And actually, I think we've both
1:41
decided, haven't we actually, that that's actually not true at
1:44
all. The vibe there is 100% of vibe
1:48
now, which is really great. Yeah, it definitely was the same
1:51
thing that I would say now. So as I listened through, I just
1:55
was nodding my head like, oh wow, yeah, that was a great way
1:58
to say that. And yes, that's exactly how I
2:00
think. So, yeah, I think it definitely
2:02
gave a good feel to us. And we're we currently were and
2:06
still are in the home Ed journey.
2:08
Absolutely. And so I thought we kind of
2:10
thought we were going to try and sort of rerecord it and rehash
2:13
it, I suppose, and offer you the insights into who we were.
2:16
And then also just like say the same sorts of things again so
2:19
that anybody new to the podcast who hasn't gone back to
2:21
beginning to listen would ultimately be able to just get
2:25
to all in one episode. But we really honestly think
2:28
that there's not enough worth changing, but it's worth going
2:31
back and doing that. So we're just going to add a
2:33
little bit more to it and talk about some of our favorite
2:35
episodes, the ones that have done really well and seem to be
2:39
favourites of yours as well. And ultimately just give you a
2:41
bit more insight into who we are.
2:42
And hopefully that will make it a bit more interesting for those
2:44
of you who've been with us since the beginning and maybe know a
2:47
fair bit about our opinions and that already.
2:48
So, yeah, so first and foremost, I feel like, as always, we're
2:52
supposed to be doing our gratitude.
2:53
I am struggling with gratitude this week, if I've got to be
2:56
perfectly frank. Between the strange infection
2:59
that my son has had, which everyone seemed to think was
3:01
chicken pox but doesn't actually appear to be chicken pox at all,
3:04
and it's literally going away already so I'm not entirely sure
3:07
what happened there. And me and my broken toes that
3:10
are causing me trouble. And just just countless other
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irritating things. I'm going to dig deep for some
3:16
gratitude this week. I think ultimately I have really
3:20
enjoyed having my husband home for the past sort of six weeks
3:24
or so. He's not been very well.
3:25
And so he's been off work quite a bit trying to recover from
3:27
that, to get himself ready to get back into work.
3:29
And it's been really wonderful having him home.
3:31
But you know, as much as I love having him around, I'm going to
3:34
dig deep for the gratitude that is having a couple of days this
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week where he's been back at work.
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I don't know if anybody else gets this feeling like on a
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weekend or when you're when your other half is in the house, it
3:44
completely changes the rhythm. It changes the whole vibe of how
3:47
you work. And sometimes good, sometimes
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bad is what it is. But ultimately I have found that
3:53
it's eased a lot over time because obviously things have
3:56
just naturally merged and settled down.
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But not having him here for a couple of days was like, all
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I've done is just chill, Just chill, put my feet up, have a
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little nap, get myself back in the right head space.
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I feel like it's just really allowed us to just readjust a
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little bit and just kind of get back feeling on the straight and
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narrow, which has been really, really nice.
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Just to have that kind of natural routine with the kids
4:15
again, the sort of the same stuff that we would normally do
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and it's just me and them. So that's what really nice as
4:19
well. So I'm going to dig deep for my
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gratitude this week. And that's just a little nugget
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of it. This is quite nice.
4:24
Just a little bit of routine back.
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I can relate to that. That's definitely something
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we're struggling with right now, being on vacation, and I say
4:32
vacation lightly. We're sort of just doing life in
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someone else's house. And that can definitely lead to
4:38
some frustrations around just not having all of your things.
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And being courteous even after a few weeks is tiring, right?
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The girls don't really fully understand that and they're
4:50
ready for They miss their cat, they miss their bedrooms, they
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miss their toys. They're so thrilled to be here,
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but they are also feeling that duality of, oh, this is great.
5:02
But also that would be great too.
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And so it's, it's interesting. It's it's, you know, something
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we spent a lot of time talking about and just kind of how you
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can feel two things at once. And now that we're getting ready
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to leave, they're thinking, but I don't want to leave.
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And I'm in my head, right? I'm thinking, you've been asking
5:20
to go home for a week, right? But the reality of it is very
5:22
different. So I feel you on that.
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The routine is something I would love to get back to.
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And unfortunately we're we're still another family trip away
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from that because we'll be visiting some family in Italy.
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But for me, the gratitude has just been being, I'm just so
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thrilled to be close to the ocean, really could live.
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Like I need beachfront property in my future.
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It just is so different when I can put my feet in the sand and
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walk on the beach and smell the sea water and like have that as
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part of my day. So it's so funny because I
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didn't feel it as much as a child, but I definitely, after
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living in San Diego and San Francisco and having that access
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every day, it's sort of exposed me to that and I miss it a lot.
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So I'm just thankful for the last bits I can soak up before
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we leave. It's interesting, isn't it?
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Because I think I've been reflecting myself on the fact
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that like, we've bought this house in particular and it's got
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a beautiful view. I'm looking out over a valley
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and we're extremely lucky to have it.
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And we've been here for three years now.
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And I found myself thinking the day that I'm God sounds so
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ungrateful. But I was like, I don't notice
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it anymore. Like I, I will go out there and
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I'll look at it, but I don't really see it.
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Not like I did for the first probably 18 months where every
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time, even something slightly changed about the seasons, it's
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like, oh, look at that, It's got all beautiful and golden now.
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Oh, look at that. It's all I see with Rusty.
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And I do have the odd day when it takes your breath away, when
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it's like really stunning or like a beautiful sunrise or
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whatever it might be. But I have noticed that I have
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gotten less and less interested in it recently.
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And I think that's really sad that we kind of whatever we
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have, we kind of get used to. And I've often thought that I'd
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love to go live down by the seaside and that I'd love to
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have the beach right there. But then I wonder sometimes if
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the specialness for me has always been that seasides were
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holidays. That was when we got to go and
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have these really many special moments just to spending that
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lovely time hanging out on the beach, enjoying being on
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holiday. And I actually do find myself
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wondering like, would it still have the same magic if I had it
7:18
all the time? And as the I have ADHD.
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So this anybody with ADHD understands that there is an
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element of like sameness that we can't tolerate.
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So what it looks like it just we need to keep changing it up in
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some way or another. But I think it's it's
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interesting. I wonder sometimes, like if I
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had it all the time, but I actually love it as much as I do
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when I get to go and spend some time by it every summer.
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It's just a question. It's a weird, weird one.
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I get a bit caught up with these things sometimes.
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But yes, I guess getting into what we wanted to talk to you
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guys about today, I thought first and foremost, it'd be
7:51
great to kind of touch on who we are.
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Because, I mean, you may have been listening for a while, you
7:55
may have only listened to a couple of episodes.
7:56
You may have absolutely no idea why we sit here and speak with
8:00
authority on these subjects, why we care about them so much, why
8:03
we actually put our opinions and voices out into the world to
8:05
talk about it too. Because ultimately, we are
8:10
trying to talk to primarily people who are already pro home
8:14
Ed. We're not trying to defend our
8:16
choice or convince outsiders that it is a good choice.
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However, I'm very aware that this podcast has been an
8:23
incredible tool for people who are in the process of
8:27
transitioning to home education, are thinking about it or
8:30
worrying about it, are asking all the questions and the
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ultimately we get feedback on and off from people who've
8:37
binged a bunch of our episodes. And so it's like, do you know,
8:39
honestly, I feel so much better now.
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I feel like I could actually do this and you've taken away a lot
8:43
of the fear for me, which has been really, really lovely
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feedback. I guess that's one of the things
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I really hoped for when producing this podcast.
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That is what we would get is that that real reassurance for
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people. I think kind of reflecting on
8:56
the episodes that you guys have liked as well, we can see that
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there is definitely they're the questioning episodes.
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They're the ones who are thinking like is this the right
9:03
way or is this the right way? And ultimately there is no right
9:06
way. Just like putting that out there
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very clearly. Now, the conversations we've had
9:10
in the past have always been very much, there is no right or
9:14
wrong way to do this. This is 100% what works for you
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as a family. And that can sound really weird
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because we're not used to that in the world we live in.
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We're used to being told this is the right way and every other
9:25
way is wrong. So like a very abstract but
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hilarious example of this was my daughter this morning.
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She had two frankfurters and a roll and the Frankfurt is it
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wasn't in a hot dog roll, it was in a Round 1.
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So it meant they were sticking out on both sides.
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And she was like I need to shorten my sausages so that they
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can fit inside the roll. And my husband scoffed and I
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looked up to see what he was laughing at and she was cutting
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both ends off the sausages to make them fit inside the roll.
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And obviously I know exactly what he was thinking was that
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she needs to just push them through and then cut it once to
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cut off cleanly. And I just sharp peak elbowed
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him on the ribs a little bit and was like SH say nothing like
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yes, OK, fair enough. Like from an adult logical brain
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that makes sense. But from her perspective, small
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cutting practice, right? So let's let her get at it.
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But it doesn't matter. You still get to the same
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results. It doesn't matter like, and
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ultimately we have so much of our life spent being told this
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is the right way to do it and being mocked or criticized if we
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want to do it a longer way, a harder way, a different way.
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And I guess what I really love is coming into this
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conversation, like recognizing who I am as a person is.
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It took me a very long time to realize that there was not just
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one right way to live my life and that I was allowed.
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Not just allowed, but ultimately should really seriously be
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living it. However, which way made sense to
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me within the parameters of like kindness and laws, etcetera.
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But just understanding that obviously we're supposed to be
11:00
living our lives how we are supposed to be living them.
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And it took me many years of therapy and coaching and books
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and people and communities and choosing home ads and immersing
11:11
myself in the community and being surrounded by the most
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incredible people who all had really similar vibes and really
11:17
believed the same thing. For me to shift to a point where
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I actually felt like it was OK for me to be doing things a bit
11:23
differently and to not necessarily do it a set way home
11:25
Ed or anything. But I guess that's, that's kind
11:28
of in a deep sense that is, that is me.
11:31
That's why I speak with authority on this.
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It's because it's so important, having had all that experience
11:36
of self growth myself, having trained to become a coach, that
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I'm, I work with parents who are trying to do this all the time
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and support my friends and my family and other people in my
11:46
community as well as they're kind of transitioning and
11:47
figuring stuff out as well. And yeah, all of the things.
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And also, I care about it an awful lot.
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And I think it's so important to get people to realise that home
11:55
education in and of itself is typically not just a choice to
11:58
home educate your kids. It's a choice to understand that
12:00
actually there is no right way of doing things.
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So yeah, I think that's me in a nutshell.
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Not a very, very, very big nutshell.
12:07
But anyway, carry on. How, how, how about you Ashley,
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give us some insight into you? I love that story, first of all,
12:14
about the hot dog because I think it just speaks to the
12:19
parenting approach as well. Like we can see ourselves as the
12:24
parents who are there to like, correct and refocus our
12:28
children. Or we can see ourselves as the
12:31
parents who are there to step back and let them learn from
12:35
their own experiences and to just appreciate the beauty in
12:40
the creativity and wonder that these children have.
12:44
And I think that when you're in a classroom setting, you can't
12:49
let 30 children go off in their own direction.
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It would be absolute chaos. So you find, and obviously the
12:57
way that we were all typically raised in that kind of
13:01
environment and just from parents who grew up in the, you
13:04
know, 50s, sixties, 70s, that they're, they had a much
13:08
stricter life as well. And so I think that you can find
13:13
yourself just falling into that even just without thought,
13:17
unconsciously, you just default to that type of parent who is
13:21
coming in to say, Nope, don't do that.
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Put your toothbrush here. Do this, this way, everything
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has to be done in a certain, in a certain way.
13:29
And that's typically by the way you did it when you were a
13:31
child. And it's very hard to step back
13:35
from that and to even notice it. It's, it's difficult, but then
13:39
to make a change is very hard. And I think that that's one of
13:41
the things that I've put a lot of effort and research into
13:47
understanding and, and trying to change from the way that I was
13:52
brought up in the way that I'm bringing up my children.
13:54
And there are a lot of amazing doctors and just experts out
13:58
there that can speak to this. And I've spent so much time
14:01
reading their information, their books, their podcasts, their
14:06
Instagrams, their blogs, and really trying to create this
14:10
environment for myself where I'm constantly exposed to it because
14:12
I find that it's really great to read a book, but then two weeks
14:15
later, you've forgotten everything in it, right?
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And so I think for me, that is just an ongoing education that
14:22
I'm trying to give to myself to really make sure that my
14:25
children have supportive, creative childhood that is truly
14:32
their own. And I'm here to help them with
14:36
all the things that they're not physically capable or mentally
14:38
capable of doing it right. And to just really be supportive
14:41
for all the rest. And so that is is definitely
14:44
something that as a parent and then subsequently as a teacher,
14:48
I have tried to keep at the core of what I'm doing when it comes
14:53
to who I am. I think that that is an approach
14:56
I'm trying to take for for everyone really right is to sort
14:58
of step back and let people choose their own path.
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But as they might meander a little bit and need something,
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I'm happy to step in and help with that.
15:06
I think that's really lovely, isn't it?
15:07
And I think ultimately, I think a lot of people, when they
15:10
consider home education sitting there kind of worrying, I guess,
15:14
about taking on such a huge responsibility to ensure that
15:17
their children achieve all the things that they're supposed to.
15:21
I'm saying that with the fun quotation marks, my fingers just
15:23
so that everyone else can, I understand that they're supposed
15:26
to do and we can get so caught up in that.
15:30
And I think ultimately, even me saying that to those who are
15:33
still in the mindset of, well, of course they're supposed to
15:36
learn to read and they're supposed to do the exams and
15:38
they're supposed to go on and get these amazing jobs and be
15:41
independent one day. Like, OK, to some degree, yes.
15:46
But ultimately there is, there shouldn't be this huge pressure
15:49
for things to happen at a certain point if we allow things
15:51
to be enjoyable or to be gotten there a bit more in their own
15:54
time, or to do it in a way that approaches their interests 1st
15:58
and helps them to use those to get to those points.
16:01
Ultimately a lot of these skills that we consider to be essential
16:05
are learnt because they are essential.
16:09
They're not learnt because we make them intentional, but they
16:14
are. We learn to read because we all
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text and e-mail and write and follow social media and want to
16:18
read what people are saying. We learn to, we learn language
16:21
and new vocabulary and structuring sentences and what
16:24
words go where because we speak it and we do it and we use it.
16:27
We learn maths because we have a bank account and we have a job
16:29
and we want to make sure we pay all our bills and we, you know
16:31
what I mean? A lot of the skills that we
16:33
actually use in our lives kind of going beyond school, those
16:38
skills come more from just natural experience.
16:40
Like so much of us now, like if we actually sit and say, can I
16:43
do this because I learnt it at school?
16:45
It's like, well, I'm sure that some of the basics and the
16:47
foundations were laid there, but ultimately an awful lot of what
16:50
I know now has been learnt because I've needed to.
16:52
It was essential for me to know it in order to survive and to
16:54
carry on moving forward. And I think the goal for any of
16:57
us is to get our kids from there to doing well, surviving,
17:02
succeeding in their own right, whatever that looks like for
17:05
them in as least traumatic, least destructive way to ensure
17:09
that by the time they do reach that kind of level of success,
17:13
but they're actually happy and they've not.
17:15
I mean, happiness is a fleeting thing.
17:16
It's not something we can achieve as a permanent result.
17:19
Like, you're never going to be able to look at your kids ever
17:21
and see them living a perfectly happy life.
17:23
They're going to have their ups and downs.
17:25
It's going to be sadness is going to be joy.
17:27
We can't ever attain permanent happiness, but hopefully we will
17:30
help them to attain a level of stability for the most part that
17:35
makes them reflect on it and see that they've, they've done
17:37
pretty well. Like most of us hope.
17:38
Like we just sort of sit there sometimes don't mean and think,
17:41
I feel like I'm doing OK. Like it's not amazing, it's not
17:45
perfect, but we're doing OK. Like we still have a roof, we've
17:47
still got food in the fridge. We seem to be doing all right.
17:50
And it's, it's understanding, I guess that, that, that we're not
17:53
failing and we're just growing. We're always growing and always
17:56
going somewhere, which is really exciting.
17:59
And there's always more time to learn.
18:00
There's always more time to do something else and to explore
18:03
somewhat something else. And different relationships,
18:05
different places, different things.
18:06
I was literally SAT to randomly again, sorry, I've got lots of
18:09
random anecdotes to speak. Sat next to a lady in AE
18:12
yesterday, was trying to get my foot sorted out.
18:13
She must have been about 80 years old.
18:15
Apologies to her. She ever listened to this?
18:16
I'm sure she went, but she was saying that she was very upset
18:19
that she'd broken her wrist because she was off to Devon in
18:22
a few weeks time to surf and she was really angry that she wasn't
18:26
going to get to go surfing now this year.
18:29
And I genuinely had to do a double take.
18:31
And she goes, well, I have to do it on my belly now, dear, but I
18:33
can't stand up. I haven't quite got the core
18:34
strength anymore, but I I definitely still enjoy getting
18:37
out there in the waves. And I was like, you know what?
18:39
I wasn't judging. I was genuinely just like, good
18:42
for you. It's like you're still out there
18:45
living your life, like you've broken your wrist falling down
18:48
in Barcelona because you've had a brilliant time travelling with
18:50
your friend and now you come back and you have to go and do
18:52
some surfing in Devon. Like you sound like a 20 year
18:54
old. Like this is just like amazing.
18:56
Like you are actively living your life and doing the things
18:58
that matter to you. And I think ultimately I just, I
19:02
just want the same for my kids. I want the same for me.
19:06
And I think what I try to do here on this podcast in my life
19:11
in general, is to role model to my kids, to my friends, to my
19:15
family, to everybody I meet, that you should be living the
19:19
life that makes sense for you. That you can absolutely form
19:23
your career and your passions and your hobbies and your
19:27
day-to-day life and your routines and your lifestyle
19:30
around what you need. And I think so many of us look
19:32
from the outside in to home education thinking, gosh, they
19:38
like the kind of person who must be able to do that.
19:40
Like I haven't got the patients or I haven't got the mental
19:43
strength, or I've money's been far too up and down lately, or I
19:47
have no idea how we'd make that happen.
19:49
And I guess it's just kind of being able to say that, that
19:51
it's yes, OK. Whilst I don't know every single
19:54
possible situation someone's family could be in and it may
19:56
not work for everyone, I do think there's an element of if
19:58
you want it badly enough to actually make your life look how
20:03
you want it to look then it would 100% open to you.
20:07
It's just whether or not you feel like you can make that
20:09
leap. And I'd say this is somebody
20:11
who's been reflecting on the concept of world schooling
20:13
myself recently. And I've come back around to my
20:16
desperate urge to sell the house and sell everything we own and
20:18
just travel the world with the kids based on one evening rock
20:21
pooling on a Cornish beach and just remembering how blooming
20:24
wonderful it is when the kids are lit up and full of this
20:27
spontaneous curiosity, just enjoying things as they do.
20:30
And anyway, so yes, I found myself just really thinking
20:31
about this again lately and thinking that actually I'm
20:33
looking at world schooling and having those same reservations,
20:36
that same fear of jumping in thinking I can't do that.
20:41
I'm unfit. I'm not going to be able to keep
20:43
up. Like there's going to be so many
20:44
things that I'm not going to know what to do.
20:45
Like I don't know where I'm allowed to work.
20:47
I don't know where the visas, how, how they work.
20:49
Like I don't know hardly any world goings on because I live
20:52
in my own little bubble because the news makes me anxious.
20:54
How the heck am I going to take this on and not end up a
20:57
gibbering this and that fear that we get around doing
21:00
something which feels so exciting and good and amazing
21:05
and holding ourselves back because we're just a bit, we're
21:09
just scared that we just don't know all the answers yet.
21:11
We don't know if we're going to be able to do it all.
21:13
Just makes me really sad. I just think there's so many
21:15
more of us who just need to just go, oh, this is really scary.
21:17
I'm just going to do it anyway. And so, yeah, that's, that's
21:20
mine. I just all right.
21:21
It frustrates me so much. And I just want to like, just
21:23
give them a really big hug and be like, come on, it's fine.
21:25
Just come with me. I'll show you.
21:26
It's all right. And so, yeah, I think that's
21:29
kind of the one of the biggest things that really matter to me.
21:32
Yeah, I think, I think everyone feels that whether it's related
21:37
to home education or just child rearing in general, I mean,
21:41
everything we do has such a significant impact, right?
21:45
Because we're we're raising these tiny humans and it can
21:49
feel like any wrong move could be detrimental to their future.
21:53
So it can be overwhelming if you let it, but I think if we just
22:00
continue to come back to what those values are, right, those
22:03
core values and stay within them, then probably we'll, we'll
22:06
be OK. It'll be OK When it comes to
22:10
home Ed style, I know that's something we wanted to talk
22:12
about a little bit here. I, I think it stems from values
22:15
as well. But I definitely have more
22:21
school, traditional school, I would say aligned approach then
22:29
maybe some of the unschoolers do.
22:31
And I don't know if that comes from just being in a school
22:36
environment at one point or from my own schooling or even just
22:41
from the way that social expectations dictate.
22:46
But we definitely have more of a formal curriculum that we
22:52
follow. We do absolutely deviate from it
22:56
and I sprinkle in a lot of different things along the way.
22:59
But we learn math based on an approach that's laid out for us
23:04
in our curriculum. The same for reading and all of
23:08
that. But I will say that I spent a
23:11
lot of time and something that's really passionate, that I'm
23:15
really passionate about, it's really important to me is the
23:18
science of reading. And that approach that is very
23:22
fanatical, very phonic spaced and just realize a lot on
23:27
building upon what you've previously learned and not
23:31
memorization for the sake of memorizing.
23:35
And I think that this is something that we used to do,
23:39
but then we went away from, you know, a couple decades ago and
23:43
it was very heavy Reading was taught, at least in America,
23:45
very much based on, you know, what we called those sight words
23:48
and, and all of that. And it was just something that
23:52
if you look at the research, there's a there's a lot of
23:55
challenges around reading comprehension for children that
23:59
learn that way. And it, it bleeds so much into
24:04
the future work that you have to do, especially if you think
24:07
about these college students who are entering college at a fifth
24:10
grade reading level, right? And they're expected to read
24:14
hundreds of pages a week on the material that they're learning
24:17
about. That's obviously super
24:18
challenging. So I think one of the things
24:20
that I'm just very passionate about and that we've been slow
24:25
to do is, is learning to read. And I say slow not because the
24:29
children are slow to learn to read, but because we're taking a
24:31
very specific approach to it so that we're not skipping
24:35
anything. It's a mastery, right?
24:37
It's not a spiral approach. We're making sure that we're
24:41
really understanding why things are spelt the way they're spelt
24:45
and why they're pronounced the way they're pronounced, and how
24:48
to decode words, not memorize them.
24:51
And so it's fascinating how the brain processes reading, and I
24:56
encourage anyone to just take some time to dive into it.
24:59
There are some great, I want to call them Ted Talks, but they're
25:02
probably not this more like YouTube videos of speeches that
25:06
mimic a Ted talk at various different conferences and stuff.
25:09
But it's just very interesting. So I think if I think about like
25:12
what's important to me, it's probably building a really
25:14
strong foundation, whether it's in math or reading, because I
25:18
think that is just so important for any further learning that
25:23
you're going to do. And that's just been my personal
25:26
experience. I know there are loads of
25:29
people. In fact, a very good friend of
25:30
mine has done a very different, more sight word based approach
25:35
and her kids are reading and doing just fine.
25:37
So I think you have to find what vibes with your child.
25:39
But this has worked for us and it's been something that I've
25:42
been really passionate about. Yeah.
25:44
And I think it's what's really lovely is that me and you do
25:48
have different approaches to things and and different
25:51
priorities, etcetera. And I think what's really great
25:53
about that and the respect that we've always shown towards each
25:55
other. I hope that continues to
25:57
reassure those who are listening as well that if your approach is
26:00
different to that and it isn't doing that that way, then it's
26:02
100% OK if your kids are doing OK and you're happy and things
26:05
are going well. Yeah.
26:07
That it's fine, like however you're doing it is great.
26:09
And if you are struggling and if something isn't clicking or
26:11
you're worried about something, then it's taking that time to
26:14
consider the different approaches and the different
26:17
options that people offer. Because a dyslexic child will
26:19
appreciate one type of education.
26:22
A very visual learner might appreciate another.
26:24
Different types of word games might help my son, for example,
26:28
the more we tried to make him learn to read, the less he
26:30
wanted to. And so we had to take almost an
26:32
entirely, like, back step and it's like full surrender and
26:37
absolute terror. And by 6 1/2 he was reading.
26:39
It was like, oh, OK, we didn't need to panic so much.
26:42
And obviously we did a bit of phonics work with him and a
26:43
little bit of if he was trying to decode a word and he couldn't
26:46
work it out, then we'd help him. But for the most part, he just
26:48
didn't want us to have any involvement.
26:49
He wanted to do it by himself. And actually, he's done really
26:52
well. And so it's really fascinating,
26:54
isn't it, how like different approaches for different
26:56
children in different situations with different needs, different
27:00
learning difficulties, whatever, we'll all need a different
27:03
approach. And I guess that is why you
27:05
become the master of knowing your child because we observe
27:08
them so much as home educators and we see how they're doing,
27:12
not in like a really like regimented way, but we just
27:13
notice things. You're with them, watching them
27:16
work all the time. And so you notice what they can
27:18
do and what they're struggling with.
27:19
And you can see the holes in that learning.
27:21
Sure. I mean, I mean, I basically so
27:23
touching on the style that we tend to follow, it has evolved
27:27
so much, so, so much. We've gone through so many vases
27:31
and I think starting out when he was my son was in reception.
27:34
So I've got 2 now that are school age.
27:36
So when he was in sort of reception age, we essentially
27:40
started out with a very unschooly vibe where we just
27:43
kind of allowed him to play and explore his world and to make
27:47
some new friends. We were very much in an
27:49
establishing our home Ed community zone right then.
27:52
And if you think that was also what, nearly four years ago?
27:56
So it's coming out of the COVID chaos, entering back into
28:00
people, trying to have some sort of social contact with other
28:02
people, which was very tricky. So at that time we were really
28:06
lucky to have him being young, he had a very small little
28:09
sister. We did not have to do things any
28:12
set way. We just kind of did lots of
28:14
outdoor play, lots of hands on sort of sensory stuff, bits of
28:18
reading, bits of maths, really, really gentle.
28:20
But we kept, we were constantly fearful of getting doing it
28:23
right and making sure we're doing the right things.
28:26
And it took quite a long time for me to relax and to recognize
28:29
that there is no right or wrong again.
28:30
But essentially now it has evolved really gradually into
28:35
what I have now termed as the good enough methods, which is
28:39
essentially a combination of kind of project learning where
28:41
we pick a subject or kids pick the subject.
28:44
And then I do some planning with them, chatting about what they'd
28:48
love to learn about what kinds of interests they've got in that
28:51
subject. Trying to delve into maybe some
28:53
books we can read together, some places we can go, some ways that
28:56
we can bring their maths into it, some ways we can bring
28:59
English and vocabulary and spelling and all that sort of
29:01
stuff really naturally into it as well.
29:03
And I try and just come up with a bunch of really great
29:05
activities to do that are mostly quite fun, interesting,
29:09
experiential things that we can do that help to then feed into
29:13
all of those necessary like topics and whatever.
29:16
So we're quite project based now, but the method is simply
29:19
allows us to try and do about 15 to 30 minutes of we decide again
29:25
together, we decide all the different subjects that we want
29:28
to try and cover ideally every week.
29:31
But it 100% is not a stick to beat myself with.
29:34
So we, we do our best. We try and get abroad.
29:38
The reason for it was we were finding that some weeks we do
29:41
loads of maths and then somebody to do loads of English.
29:43
We're totally fine. If that's, if that works for
29:45
you, that's great. But my brain was constantly
29:47
going, have we done any reading recently?
29:50
Have we done any maths? When when was the last time we
29:52
did some maths? I can't remember what we did and
29:53
I was really struggling again, ADHD brain.
29:56
There's a lot that I forget. It's hard to keep track of
29:58
everything and so I was really struggling to get into a place
30:01
of relaxation and calm and trust and reassurance that they were
30:06
actually getting a broad sort of education.
30:09
So this just simply allows me to observe normally.
30:12
And most of it I just noticed them playing or doing things or
30:15
picking an activity to do that then counts as some of their
30:17
maths or counts as some of their reading or whatever.
30:20
And then if I notice that there are holes and we haven't filled
30:22
them, then usually kind of Friday, Saturday, Sunday, when
30:25
we're home a little bit more, we'll catch up and we'll try and
30:27
do those few last little bits over the weekend.
30:29
And what I've found quite fascinating, if that sounds
30:32
like, Oh my goodness, that's so much organization to some
30:33
people, is actually on reflection of say for example,
30:37
we went away to Cornwall, I was able to fill the entire thing,
30:42
Maths, English, science works, absolutely everything that we'd
30:45
intended to try and cover, just living and enjoying being on
30:49
holiday together. That actually it was not hard to
30:52
fill it up with just natural life happening.
30:54
And so I think for me, it helps to reassure me that the more
30:57
kind of unschooly mismatch, jumping in and out of a topic,
31:01
doing a lot, some days a little and other days mostly free play,
31:04
a lot of experiential hands on going to places, experiencing
31:07
people and placing things. But that is a relatively
31:09
unschooling vibe. We're doing it based on what the
31:11
kids wanna do. It's child LED always.
31:12
They want to do it, we do it. And I try not to do too much
31:15
with them where I'm forcing it because it, it makes me want to
31:17
pull my own hair out. So it's fine.
31:20
But ultimately that allows them to dictate the general
31:23
direction. And I just help and just Chuck
31:25
some ideas and thoughts in as we go along.
31:27
And we actually all really enjoy learning about it together.
31:29
So I think they see me learning about stuff at the same time as
31:32
them and see us just having fun learning about stuff together.
31:35
They don't seem to mind. It's not me just lecturing them
31:37
on these big long topics for an hour at a time.
31:39
It's, it's genuinely A collaborative like, oh, that's
31:41
really interesting. I didn't know that or like, did
31:43
you know that? Or they'll tell me stuff that
31:44
they know and they'll, they'll teach me sometimes and really
31:47
enjoy telling me all the stuff that they know about stuff.
31:49
And anyway, so it's, it's using that lovely kind of like
31:53
feedback. It's back and forth, It's
31:54
collaborative, it's mutual. It's an opportunity for them to
31:58
learn and grow and to see me learning and growing at my sort
32:01
of older parenting age, obviously not ancient, but I'm
32:04
in my 30s. So I'm like, I'm it's showing
32:06
them they should be carrying on and that this is interesting and
32:08
they should carry on delving into it later.
32:11
And my main goal for our entire method isn't actually
32:14
specifically to get certain knowledge into their heads like
32:17
we're doing oceans right now. I'm not expecting necessarily
32:19
for all of the information that we learn during Ocean's topic to
32:22
stay with them. What I want is for them to know
32:24
how we find out the information. Exactly.
32:27
Actively want to participate and be curious in their own
32:29
education and to know that if they are presented with a brand
32:36
new topic that they don't know much about that they can
32:37
absolutely learn more about it and that it's possible.
32:40
And ultimately those skills, that ability to do that ability
32:43
to try, that ability to understand it to to go on in
32:45
their life, that's all you need to be able to be successful.
32:49
Is that ability to take on more information that makes sense in
32:53
the moments that it makes sense. And so, yeah, hopefully along
32:56
the way I will ensure that there's a good foundational
32:58
knowledge of maths and English and writing and all the things,
33:01
and they'll be able to then extrapolate that out to what
33:03
they need to do later as they reach those stages.
33:06
But yeah, it's it's a very different attitude to what I had
33:09
growing up where you were doing everything to kind of pass
33:11
tests. And we've seen so much and it's
33:13
even been stuff in the Guardian I think this week or last week,
33:16
so that they're genuinely thinking of scrapping GCSE.
33:18
So this has been a conversation that's been going around for a
33:20
while that kids are literally taking the exams, coming back
33:25
after the summer and they can't remember a thing of what it was.
33:27
There's something that is literally, they've proven it
33:30
with some studies they've done where they've literally given
33:32
exams to children in June, July, and they've done it again in
33:36
September and the pass rate dropped by like 30%.
33:40
It's huge. Like the it's just a crazy
33:43
amount of kids had literally lost enough information that
33:46
they would then fail that exam. And that, to me just, it makes
33:50
no sense. Like if it's not sticking, it's
33:52
not sticking for a reason. And I think we have to help our
33:54
kids to want to keep it and to make it relevant to them.
34:00
And that's the biggest challenge that we face, I think, as
34:03
educators in any capacity, is getting kids to want to know it
34:08
and to actually have a reason to.
34:10
And that is the trickiest part of some of the more stuffy,
34:13
boring bits, right? It's really hard sometimes.
34:16
Yeah, and I'm not here to teach my kids to pass the test, right?
34:19
And I feel like a lot of the times that's all we're doing is
34:21
we're teaching them how to pass a test.
34:23
And I, I want to focus on the parent child relationship
34:29
because my true goal with all of this is to, I say this all the
34:33
time to get my kids to adulthood without needing therapy, like
34:37
from their childhood. Like I just want them to have a
34:39
childhood they don't have to recover from, right?
34:41
That that's the goal. And then at the same time, I
34:44
want them to build the relationship with themselves,
34:47
like have a strong sense of self, self esteem, self worth,
34:51
what they do matters. It impacts obviously them, our
34:55
family, our community, like they, they have the ability to
34:58
do that and to have a good relationship with education,
35:02
right? They are going to be learning
35:04
their entire lives. And I want them, like you said,
35:07
to have the skill set to know where to go find information.
35:10
How does that that information, how to then take that
35:13
information and form their own opinions like that is important.
35:15
And all we're doing right now in these earlier years is creating
35:21
that relationship or fostering that relationship, that building
35:25
that love of reading, that love of learning, that love of being
35:28
able to go out and find something out for yourself,
35:31
right to be self-sufficient. And I think that if we just
35:36
keep, you know, building away at these habits, then once they get
35:39
to the, the years that are a bit more important, right?
35:41
If they are going to decide to be a veterinarian, there is a
35:44
lot of information they're going to have to learn.
35:46
They're going to feel confident that they can do that.
35:47
They're going to know how to do that.
35:48
They're going to know how to budget their time and, and be
35:52
able to study and, and do what they need to do to become a
35:56
veterinarian or whatever that that career goal is that they
35:58
have. So I, I think building that
36:01
foundation is really all we're doing right now.
36:04
I don't expect them to remember everything about World War One
36:08
at the age of 8, right? But maybe we'll talk a little
36:12
bit about it and learn about how history is important and it
36:14
impacts our future, right? So those kinds of things.
36:18
And I think it's also like, important to say it's like we
36:20
want them to be. I think both as kind of sitting
36:23
there thinking, actually, I want them to attend these like,
36:25
amazing universities or to go on and do this incredible course
36:28
one day or to do whatever they want to do.
36:30
But also I think what's going to be really great is that whereas
36:33
a lot of us were raised to have very little self-care, to not
36:38
prioritize ourselves, to make sure our mental health wasn't
36:41
being constantly bombarded with criticism and comparison and
36:46
competition and all these sorts of things which allow us to feel
36:49
little and sad and frustrated and not actually able to kind
36:54
of. Yeah.
36:55
I just think there's an awful lot of my childhood that I felt
36:57
spending, I spent feeling, Oh my goodness, today, my tongue that
37:02
I, I really spent a lot of my time feeling very put down and
37:06
judged and criticised. And the expectations on me was
37:10
so high. And I think it's nice to have
37:13
people believing in you and it's nice to have them wanting the
37:16
best for you. But ultimately, when that comes
37:18
at the expense of you having to prove yourself to that person,
37:22
it makes it very, very difficult to actually take care of your
37:25
mental health and to make sure that you actually go off into
37:27
the workplace or go off to a university course or whatever it
37:30
might be feeling like actually, I will do this and I will do
37:34
well at it, but I'm going to make sure I'm taking care of me
37:36
at the same time. And I matter.
37:38
And anyway, it's a, it's a really, really important thing
37:43
to be thinking about. And I guess all of this comes
37:45
down to values, like you say, and taking that time to really
37:48
consider what your family values are.
37:50
And if you're really not sure or if you're kind of both really
37:53
divided or whatever, it's well worth having a really serious
37:58
conversation around that because it's going to matter in so many
38:01
different areas of what you choose to do next, and it will
38:04
evolve. And so if you're also feeling
38:06
like this is a lot and I have absolutely no idea if I'm going
38:08
to actually make all this happen, just try and remember
38:09
that it evolves. We're both years in and have
38:13
gone through many, many, many iterations of what our life
38:16
looks like and what we believe and what we see.
38:18
And I think that knowledge is so vital.
38:20
So, yeah, so the last couple of things we wanted to talk to you
38:24
guys about, I guess was the episodes that we think you guys
38:27
should go back and listen to if you haven't already, because
38:29
they have clearly been very popular episodes.
38:32
And also to kind of give you guys the news and updates on
38:35
kind of what's coming next and what we're what we're planning
38:38
for the podcast and maybe what's coming down the line.
38:40
And obviously, as always asking for your feedback on that
38:43
because we want to make sure we are producing what you guys
38:45
need. So first and foremost, I thought
38:47
I'd read out to you guys what have been the top episodes in
38:50
the last 12 months. Obviously, undeniably the
38:55
episodes around the children's rubbing in schools bills have
38:57
obviously done particularly well.
38:59
So the first one we did, can't think exactly what it was.
39:01
I think it was roughly September, October time last
39:04
year, I think was with Wendy, obviously Wendy, Charles Warner
39:08
from Education otherwise. So we've had like the biggest
39:11
ever response to an episode was that one.
39:13
And so hopefully that really helped a lot of you guys as
39:16
you're trying to understand what was coming up unequally.
39:19
The recent one we've done with her kind of giving everybody an
39:22
update is has come in 4th as our one of our fourth top episodes,
39:26
which is incredible. So definitely go back and catch
39:28
up with those if you haven't already.
39:29
Those ones are super important anyway for the homemade
39:31
community right now. So any knowledge you can get
39:34
into your head around it. And it also helps just bring you
39:36
clarity and calm, which I found really helpful as well.
39:39
But the next one was the expectations versus reality.
39:42
Now, I think I can understand why this one ends up being quite
39:45
popular, to be honest. As the title goes, I think
39:48
considering what people think home Ed is going to be like
39:51
versus what it actually has been like for us, I could imagine
39:53
that's quite a fun conversation, Ashley.
39:56
Exactly expectation the the reality is different, right?
40:02
Yeah, it's. It's like that with everything.
40:05
I plan a novel study and I have these Great Expectations and the
40:08
reality is always different. Yeah, it's always different and
40:11
I think having that headspace that actually we're allowed to
40:14
have expectations, desires, wishes, etcetera, but actually
40:17
things change and being open to that and just.
40:20
Yeah, bouncing back, I guess from moments that feel really
40:23
frustrating and really hard. But yeah, I definitely go back
40:26
and listen to. That was one of our second most
40:28
popular episode ever. And then the next one is our
40:30
year and reflection, which surprised me because I've always
40:34
wondered if like the day in the life talking about us and our
40:37
backgrounds, like was really that important in this kind of
40:40
side of things. But actually it seems that quite
40:41
a lot of you enjoyed that. So.
40:44
So yeah, we'll definitely try and do some more posts around
40:47
that. At times a bit like this one, I
40:49
guess. But just kind of reflecting on,
40:52
I guess that was more to do with what we've been up to, like the
40:54
things that we'd used, like the places we'd been, the stuff we
40:57
really loved. So that went really well.
40:59
Yeah, we'll do more of that. And then lastly, it was the
41:01
evolving home Ed, which is quite a recent episode actually.
41:05
And that was us talking about how things are starting to shift
41:07
in the homemade community. Obviously, there's a massive
41:09
increase since COVID of people coming into the homemade
41:12
community both across the pond in America and here in the UK
41:15
and obviously in other parts of the world as well, where so many
41:17
parents have decided they want to take back some of their power
41:20
in terms of educating their children.
41:21
And they want to kind of, yeah, just regain a lot of that family
41:24
time. And they've seen their kids
41:25
really thriving and wanted to do it forever.
41:28
So that's really beautiful. And I think it's definitely made
41:31
a lot of people realise that this is a choice, but it is
41:33
upsetting the apple cart a little in the home made
41:35
community in terms of just as you can imagine, a tidal wave of
41:39
new people coming into what has been an established community of
41:44
kind of hardcore beliefs. There's a real need to
41:48
understand how to integrate with that and how to continue to
41:51
support it and to help it to expand gently and respectfully
41:55
and adding more to it as more of us come into the community as
41:59
well. Like we are all adding our
42:02
amazing skills to it as we go along.
42:04
So yeah, I think that's, it's really exciting, but it was a
42:06
good episode. I enjoyed recording that one.
42:08
It's a very big passion of mine at that time.
42:10
That was really nice about all of these actually.
42:12
Is that a lot of the episodes we've done, they're usually
42:16
decided within a week or two of actually recording them because
42:21
they are what we are thinking about and have in our heads
42:23
right then, aren't they? Actually, they're never.
42:25
They're very rarely things we talked about months ago.
42:29
Well, we have those too. We do have a plan that comes out
42:32
and then we'll get to it and we'll say, do we really feel
42:34
like talking about this this week?
42:35
I think we should talk about this.
42:37
Yeah, I was going to say we try, don't we?
42:39
Was the plan never actually fully comes into action.
42:41
It helps though. It does help.
42:43
It does help. We thank them for later.
42:45
Yeah, when we can't think of anything sub weeks, it helps us
42:48
out. Yeah.
42:49
So, yeah. So I thought I don't know if
42:50
that goes that is helpful for you guys to know that those are
42:53
the kind of the top performing episodes that go back and have a
42:55
little look and have a little listen and tell us if if you
42:58
agree that they should be up there really.
43:00
But yeah, we've we've we've noticed recently.
43:02
So they're kind of on a NEWS UPDATE side of things.
43:05
The podcast has been growing tremendously in the past 3-4
43:09
months. We are literally seeing a steady
43:11
significant like 2530% growth every single month again, on top
43:16
of the last month, which is just amazing and so exciting to see.
43:20
We've recently made sure that it's published across YouTube
43:23
and also Amazon Music. So it's now on a couple more
43:25
platforms. So wherever you prefer to
43:27
listen, you can now get it. And equally like we, I've also
43:30
started to do some some great interviews as well.
43:32
So obviously we've had Wendy on and we've also got a couple of
43:35
people in the pipeline. I've been having conversations
43:39
with Ginny Urich from 1000 hours outside, which is super
43:43
exciting. I'm hoping to get her on later
43:45
this year. And also a lady called Luna who
43:49
is a Weld scholar at the moment. We know this simply because it's
43:52
taken us a good 3 or 4 back and forth to try and figure out
43:55
where she's going to be and the time zone she's going to be in
43:57
and whether or not we can coordinate a recording session
44:00
at a time zone that makes sense for us all in a certain week
44:03
coming up, which is exciting. So that'll be in a couple of
44:05
weeks time. But that's really 100% off the
44:08
back of me being like obsessed with this idea right now and
44:11
wanting to get into it a bit more and actually talk about
44:13
why, why we have this massive fear of it and actually what the
44:16
reality is like. And they seem like they, they
44:20
seem definitely our vibe. I've had a good listen through
44:21
their content. So I'm, I'm really excited to
44:23
have a chat with her and to hear her, her insights really as to
44:28
how she's been experiencing home education on the road.
44:32
They'll be in Vietnam when we talk to her, which is really
44:34
exciting. So to hear a little bit about
44:36
that too. But yeah, so there's so many
44:38
great conversations potentially coming up.
44:40
We'll be taking a short break as always, over kind of August
44:43
time. We will be posting some little
44:45
mini episodes. So me and Ashley are going to
44:47
record some little separate ones just because travel and holidays
44:49
and things just means that we're going to be in different places
44:51
at different times. It's going to be a bit tricky to
44:53
try and get us together. So we're going to try and have a
44:55
bit of fun really. Ashley is going to bring you
44:56
some various different episodes. She's going to tell you a bit
44:59
about kind of maybe some of the books that she's been reading
45:01
that she really loves also. So Instagram accounts and stuff
45:04
that she really likes and things like that.
45:07
Trying to help you guys to understand how to like really
45:09
cultivate your feed a bit as well and make sure you get all
45:11
the right stuff, like some really good resources and
45:13
things. And I'm going to be talking to
45:14
you guys about kind of getting your head straight to home
45:17
educate as well. So I'm going to be getting into
45:18
some of the initial like early mindset shifts that need to
45:23
start happening for you to start feeling relaxed as you get into
45:26
the home Med flow. So, yeah, so that's going to be
45:27
a little bit of what we do over the summer.
45:30
So we've got lots of really exciting stuff coming up.
45:32
Actually, we've got sort of various different people
45:34
reaching out to us to try and partner with us as well, which
45:36
is really, really exciting and definitely shows the podcast is
45:38
starting to get some gravitas now.
45:40
So thank you to every single one of you who do TuneIn and listen,
45:44
because it's you who's got us there.
45:45
And yeah, just that's that's pretty much it, I think.
45:47
In terms of news and updates. Is there anything else you
45:50
wanted to add? Ashley I.
45:51
Think you've covered everything? Yeah.
45:53
So we're just looking forward to the summer months and then
45:56
coming into another school year here.
45:58
Yeah. So a couple more proper episodes
46:01
for you guys and then we'll probably break a bit over the
46:03
summer and then we'll be back as noise in September.
46:05
So, yeah, so carry on tuning in. Obviously, we're going to try
46:08
and keep the momentum up, keep some episodes coming out to you
46:10
so that you're not stuck without us for a few weeks, which I know
46:13
be very sad to say. It's a bit of humble this then,
46:17
but we'll definitely look forward to seeing you all back
46:19
again in September with some really great interviews lined up
46:21
as well. So let us know.
46:23
Please send us a message over on our usual places if you want us
46:27
to actually reach out to anybody, tag tag us on their
46:30
posts or something if you want us to know about it so that we
46:32
know that this is someone who you want us to reach out to
46:35
because we'd love to obviously bring you what you want to be
46:38
talking about. So all good.
46:40
All right, guys, have a fantastic week and we'll see you
46:42
again next week. Bye, guys.
46:46
You've been listening to the Big Home Ed Conversations podcast.
46:50
Thanks for tuning in. Don't forget to subscribe, leave
46:53
a review, and share with a friend.
46:55
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Big Home Ed Podcast
46:59
for updates. And we can't wait to see you
47:01
next week where we talk about how our schedules and schooling
47:04
change leading into and over the summer break.
47:07
And remember, if you want us to talk about a topic, do let us
47:10
know. We love hearing from you.
47:12
Until next time, take care.