Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / What Happens When You Don't Go Back To A Narcissist

Transcript

What Happens When You Don't Go Back To A Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So what happens when you don't take a narcissist back?
• 0:05
  What happens when you don't allow them to slither their
• 0:08
  snaky little sneaky cells back into your life?
• 0:11
  When you don't fall for the Hoover?
• 0:13
  How do they react? What do they do?
• 0:15
  How do they treat you? This is what we talked about
• 0:18
  today, y'all. If you're new here, my name is
• 0:20
  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:21
  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:42
  Boom. Welcome back folks, welcome
• 0:44
  back. Yes, How do those pesky pestery,
• 0:49
  pesky testy narcissist react when you don't take them back
• 0:55
  into your life? Like when the relationship ends,
• 0:59
  no matter who ends it, and this is one of the things right here,
• 1:02
  I'm going to think, I think this is going to be a 2 parter, 2
• 1:04
  parter, 2 parts within one part. If you end it and if they end
• 1:09
  it, OK, let's get it, let's do it like that.
• 1:11
  How does that sound? They sound, they sound good.
• 1:13
  Let's get it like that. So if you end it and you don't
• 1:17
  take them back, they can act a few different ways, right?
• 1:20
  They can literally act a few different ways.
• 1:22
  And one of the ways that a narcissist or a toxic person
• 1:25
  could act in these circumstances right here is that they can live
• 1:27
  literally lose their damn minds. They can literally lose their
• 1:32
  minds. But Lee, why would they lose
• 1:33
  their minds, especially if they've been treating us
• 1:35
  terribly, especially if they've been like acting crazy, acting
• 1:38
  the monkey. Why would they lose their minds
• 1:40
  on us? Because the first thought that a
• 1:44
  lot of narcissists have when you break up with them, if you break
• 1:47
  up with them, the first thought that so many of them have is
• 1:51
  that you have someone else, right?
• 1:54
  They automatically go into the mindset that you have someone
• 2:00
  else, that you are dealing with somebody else, that you are
• 2:03
  dating someone else, that you, that somebody else is getting
• 2:06
  what they got, getting what they wanted, getting what they
• 2:10
  deserve, right? This is literally the mindset
• 2:12
  they think they that you have someone else.
• 2:14
  So they lose their minds and by losing their minds, it could be
• 2:17
  in a few different things, right?
• 2:18
  It's always made that they're going to come back and try to
• 2:20
  unalive you or something like that.
• 2:21
  They could, but they could also stalk you.
• 2:25
  They could also pop up at your work.
• 2:28
  They could also try to hunt you down.
• 2:30
  They could also pop up at your house.
• 2:33
  They could also like just start doing things to make your life
• 2:36
  harder. Start texting you, calling you,
• 2:38
  blowing you up in the middle of the night, texting, calling you
• 2:41
  do all this stuff in the middle of the in the day, in the middle
• 2:43
  of the day, You know what I mean?
• 2:46
  Calling your friends, calling your family members, trying to
• 2:48
  figure out where you are, what's going on.
• 2:50
  How do we get to this point? They be they will be doing a lot
• 2:53
  of this different thing, these different things right here to
• 2:55
  try to get into your head. And this really is the mentality
• 2:59
  of a lot of narcissistic people is that they want to try to wear
• 3:01
  you down. That really is it y'all?
• 3:03
  They will try to wear you down to hopefully get you to take
• 3:06
  them back or to get you if you're no contact with them,
• 3:10
  right. They will try to just wear you
• 3:13
  down to get you to even just speak.
• 3:14
  You speak to them. They want you know, they wanted
• 3:19
  to get to this point where you even just open your mouth and
• 3:21
  speak to them at all because they want, they want to talk to
• 3:24
  you because they want to deal with you because they miss you
• 3:25
  or whatever the case may be because they obsessed with you.
• 3:28
  Well, Lee, you just said they missed me.
• 3:31
  Oh Lord, here we go. Here we go.
• 3:33
  I knew you were going. I knew y'all was going to pick
• 3:35
  up on that. Just because they miss you, does
• 3:37
  that mean they're going to treat you better?
• 3:41
  That's it. Just because they miss you, just
• 3:43
  because they narcissist misses you, does not mean that they're
• 3:46
  going to be better for you. Does not mean that they're going
• 3:48
  to treat you better or do better by you.
• 3:49
  No, it just means they could miss taking advantage of you.
• 3:52
  They could miss having that control of you.
• 3:54
  They could miss doing all that type of stuff to you.
• 3:56
  So if you break up with them or you leave them alone and you
• 3:58
  don't take them back, you no longer want to entertain them.
• 4:01
  They will try to find a way to latch on to you if you have to
• 4:04
  get divorced. They will drag out the divorce
• 4:06
  process. Well, Lee, you can't really drag
• 4:09
  out the divorce process. Y'all talk to these people who
• 4:12
  have been married for 20 years or and have so much property and
• 4:17
  so many things entangled, kids, all this stuff entangled.
• 4:21
  Ask them is it you? You can't force them to divorce.
• 4:24
  You can't do that. There's certain things,
• 4:25
  legalities and things like that. They're going to wait till the
• 4:28
  last minute with deadlines. You have to turn in this
• 4:31
  paperwork and 11th by 11th by by midnight on April 12th and y'all
• 4:38
  are in January, April 11th, 11:58 PM.
• 4:42
  You might get that e-mail asking for it continuous.
• 4:46
  They will drag it out. They want to take care.
• 4:49
  They want to take advantage of your time, your effort, your
• 4:51
  energy. They do they will.
• 4:53
  So if you don't take them back, they're going to try to force
• 4:55
  you to take them back. They're going to try to make
• 4:56
  your life harder, especially if you start dating y'all.
• 4:59
  You, you see so many people, but you probably see this on the
• 5:01
  news sometimes personally person's ex comes, catches them
• 5:06
  on a date with somebody else and analyze them or threatens to
• 5:09
  hurt them or fights their new partner, threatens though, tries
• 5:12
  to hurt the new partner, tries to hurt the new person that
• 5:15
  they're dating. They will try to make your life
• 5:17
  harder, right? But that happens right there.
• 5:20
  So, but there, there's another part of this y'all, this is
• 5:22
  this. There's little subtle parts of
• 5:24
  this right here because sometimes if you break up with
• 5:26
  them, they might not do anything, right.
• 5:29
  Sometimes if you break up with them, that's what they wanted.
• 5:34
  That's called the reverse discard.
• 5:36
  When the reverse discard happens, that's when a
• 5:39
  narcissist or toxic person to whomever decides that they
• 5:42
  themselves want to mess with you.
• 5:45
  Like they want you to be the ones that break up with them so
• 5:47
  they have an excuse to move on quickly, so they can play the
• 5:51
  victim to other people. They can say well.
• 5:53
  You know what? I tried as hard as I could and
• 5:56
  it wasn't good enough. That's why I got my new Boo over
• 5:59
  here. What do you all expect me to do?
• 6:02
  Wait around until it's too? For what?
• 6:06
  They clearly don't have anything.
• 6:07
  They clearly don't want anything to do with me, so why would I
• 6:10
  wait? Around for them.
• 6:11
  You see? You see how that works right
• 6:13
  there? Why would I wait around?
• 6:14
  Why would I do this? Why would I do that?
• 6:17
  That's the mentality that so many people have in these
• 6:20
  circumstances right here, and that's what you have to
• 6:22
  understand of who you're dealing with.
• 6:23
  You have to understand your target, that sometimes they will
• 6:25
  intentionally start treating you bad.
• 6:28
  They'll intentionally start doing wrong by you in order to
• 6:31
  get you to leave them. They'll push you away.
• 6:33
  They'll remove the love, the care, the affections.
• 6:36
  They will do all of that type of stuff just to get you away from
• 6:39
  them, just to get you to leave them alone, just to get you to
• 6:42
  leave them be. This happens to so many people,
• 6:46
  it really does. So that's why I just tell people
• 6:48
  like in these circumstances, in these situations, this is what's
• 6:51
  going to keep happening as long as you're dealing with a
• 6:53
  narcissist or a types of person, this type of stuff keeps
• 6:56
  happening over and over and over and over again.
• 6:58
  So sometimes they'll push you away and they won't care if you,
• 7:02
  if you let them come back because they don't want to come
• 7:04
  back. They want to be done.
• 7:06
  You see the reverse Discord happens and they want to be
• 7:10
  done. They want to be rid of you, they
• 7:11
  want to be done with you and whatnot.
• 7:13
  So they they'll just treat you a certain type of way because it
• 7:15
  works for them. Now the flip side of things, if
• 7:21
  they break up with you, sometimes they won't try to come
• 7:25
  back out. Sometimes if you don't take them
• 7:27
  back, if they try to come back, they won't care.
• 7:30
  Sometimes they just want to have some type of access to you.
• 7:33
  They'll reach out to you to mess with you, to see where you are,
• 7:38
  just to see how you're doing, just to try to get inside of
• 7:41
  your mind, to see what is actually going on inside of your
• 7:44
  head, to mess with you just to have some type, just to remain
• 7:47
  relevant in your life in some way, shape or form.
• 7:52
  This goes on for so many people. This is what so many people have
• 7:56
  to face when you're dealing with the manipulative, abusive
• 7:58
  narcissist. It really is.
• 8:00
  It's how it's how it goes down a lot of times, right?
• 8:03
  So I say that to say this, when you're dealing with a narcissist
• 8:06
  and they break up with you, take your time.
• 8:10
  Healing takes time. I know a lot of people don't
• 8:13
  want to hear that when I say that, but healing absolutely
• 8:18
  does take time. It's going to take a lot of time
• 8:21
  for you to get to the point where you want to be.
• 8:24
  So if they don't reach out to you, if you, if they break up
• 8:26
  with you, they might not even want you to come back at all.
• 8:29
  But sometimes they'll just linger around in your life to
• 8:31
  try to remain, to try to hold on to some type of relevancy, to
• 8:36
  just mess with you. That's what you have to
• 8:38
  understand right there. If they break up with you,
• 8:40
  sometimes they're done. If they break up with you,
• 8:44
  right? Sometimes the this is another
• 8:47
  thing right here. This is another piece of
• 8:49
  another, another subtle nuance right here.
• 8:53
  If they break up with you, sometimes they're just doing it
• 8:56
  temporarily because they want to go out here and cheat and live
• 9:00
  their life and do what they want to do and not be held
• 9:02
  responsible for what they're doing, what they're doing.
• 9:05
  They want to just say, well, we weren't, we were not together.
• 9:07
  Remember, we broke up when I was clapping them other cheeks.
• 9:10
  You and I weren't together. So it's not cheating.
• 9:13
  You basically pushed me into the money.
• 9:15
  You basically pushed me into those other cheeks.
• 9:17
  You know that, right? You do understand that, right?
• 9:20
  You know that, right? You made me do it.
• 9:25
  So they'll treat you as they'll treat you like you.
• 9:27
  They'll try to become the victim somehow, some way, shape or
• 9:29
  form. But if you don't let them come
• 9:31
  back after they do this intentional breakup stuff, if
• 9:34
  you don't let them come back, go back to the very beginning of
• 9:37
  the video and how they lose their minds because they think
• 9:39
  you have someone else because they will.
• 9:41
  A lot of them will absolutely start to lose their minds
• 9:44
  thinking that you have someone else because they literally have
• 9:47
  someone else too. They don't think that you
• 9:50
  wouldn't want to be with them for any other reason other they
• 9:55
  they wouldn't think you want to be with him for any other reason
• 9:58
  other than you having someone else other than you being
• 10:03
  involved with someone else. That's where it goes.
• 10:07
  That's seriously how it goes. That's seriously how it goes
• 10:09
  down. So if you're dealing with a
• 10:11
  manipulative narcissistic person, just understand like not
• 10:13
  all of them want to come back, but those that do, you just have
• 10:16
  to prepare yourself y'all. You just have to be careful
• 10:19
  because some of them like if you don't let them come back after
• 10:21
  they break up with you, they'll threaten to take you to court.
• 10:24
  Court for the for the kids. I'm going to get full custody.
• 10:27
  I'm going to go do this. I'm going to go do that.
• 10:30
  I'm going to take you to court. You won't see the kids again.
• 10:33
  You won't, you won't see the kids again.
• 10:35
  I'm going to be a bitter, I'm going to be bitter.
• 10:37
  I'm going to expose you. I'm going to do this, I'm going
• 10:38
  to do that. There's so many damn moving
• 10:41
  pieces there, y'all. It really is.
• 10:45
  So it it's just like if you keep moving forward in these
• 10:49
  relationship dynamics with narcissistic people, just
• 10:51
  understand it like it's going to be tough.
• 10:53
  But if you're done with them, be done with them.
• 10:57
  Of course, protect yourself, protect your peace, protect your
• 11:00
  your livelihood, protect your life in general.
• 11:03
  Of course, do all of those things, but be done with them in
• 11:06
  order to protect yourself fully. Otherwise this cycle will
• 11:09
  continue on and on and on again with no damn near no end insight
• 11:14
  because narcissistic people don't care about it.
• 11:16
  End Insight They want to mess with you right?
• 11:21
  Am I right? Am I right?
• 11:24
  Anyway, y'all thank y'all for tuning in to this episode y'all
• 11:26
  if you haven't, If you haven't y'all, take a look at joining
• 11:29
  the channel memberships. I got some interesting things
• 11:31
  going on behind the scenes. The channel memberships post
• 11:33
  private videos, discounts, all kinds of stuff on merch, and all
• 11:37
  kinds of different stuff coming up y'all.
• 11:39
  Anyway, y'all hit that subscribe button if you haven't and mental
• 11:43
  illness is out. Peace what up y'all what up?
• 11:47
  Before you leave make sure to hit that subscribe button if you
• 11:49
  haven't. It just helps us reach more
• 11:51
  people. Also everything I have is
• 11:53
  available at mentalillness.net, my coaching, my courses.
• 11:57
  I have a couple of courses that can help you understand and help
• 11:59
  you heal and also have a support group all available at
• 12:02
  mentalillness.net. Check my site off everything
• 12:04
  y'all and I will see y'all later.
• 12:06
  Peace.