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Lofa Tatupu - NFL & Fatherhood · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder and this is my dad show.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Hey everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the quarterback dad cast.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: Welcome to season six, and I could not be more excited to have you join me for another year of fantastic episodes and conversations really unscripted and raw and authentic conversations with dads.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: If you're new to this podcast, really it's simple.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: It's a podcast where we interview dads, we learn about how they were raised, we learn about the life lessons that were important to them, we learn about the values that are important to them and really we learn about how we can work hard to become a better quarterback or leader of our home.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: So let's sit back, relax and listen to today's episode on the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Well, hey, everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: We're in season six and season six continues to bring us some fantastic guests, and our next one is one, I think, for all my beloved Seahawk fans you're going to enjoy our next guest, who I met through a gentleman in my community, the one and only MK Bruce, who I think can bench press like a thousand pounds.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: But I also met our next guest because of the fine folks at Treehouse, which is a nonprofit serving youth and foster care, and I got invited to that event because of a friend, amber Bush, who's a partner at Clark Newber.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: So thank you for your support to Treehouse Our next guest.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: I'm going to tease it.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: See what everybody gets.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: He's a 2005 second round pick by the Hawks.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: He's a former quarterback in Massachusetts.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: He did play linebacker for a few years.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: He came from King Phillip, went to the University of Maine, which I don't think a lot of people know, but then he transferred to USC Trojans fight on first team All-Pac 10 2004, first team All-American in 2024.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: I hope the guy has met Will Ferrell at one point, but everybody.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: That's not why we're having him on.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: We're having Lofa Tatupu on to talk about Lofa the dad and how he's working hard to become the ultimate quarterback or leader of his household.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: So, without further ado, mr Tatupuu, number 51.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the quarterback, dad cast my brother.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: Thank you for the introduction and, yes, great, I'm glad a lot of people skip university of maine and I always make sure to bring it back in because and I'm sure we'll get into it you know that was where it all started, you know, for in terms of furthering my, my football career.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: But, yeah, thank you for mentioning them means a lot, man, you bet.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: Well, before I get into that question, um, I want to uh, we always start each episode gratitude, so tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: I mean, how much time do you have, man?
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Because just, their health and happiness, um, I think, first and foremost, just watching them continue on their journey and, you know, finding what they love is really giving me a lot of fulfillment and joy and happiness.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: But, um, yeah, just, they're healthy and they're learning, you know, every day, and so am I, so, um, and you know, grateful for it all man.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: That's awesome, that's it's never.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: I think I don't.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: I don't think we can never slow down enough to talk about that, which is why I always like to start with gratitude.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: Um, for me, lofa, I'm most grateful for very similar um.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: I had a fantastic conversation with my son this morning.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: He's a, he's a freshman in college, playing golf at a small school called southern oregon, and uh, it was doesn't have anything to do with and uh, it was.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: It doesn't have anything to do with where he's at, but it was like we got this conversation around, uh, life and relationships and people.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: And and um, you know one thing that I've learned in life people are either energy givers or energy takers.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: Um, and just reminded him that every situation you get in, whether it's good or bad, there's going to be change, there's going to be ups and downs and you have control over most environments.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: That, if you choose the right mindset.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: Now, it's not always easy.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: Um, but it was, uh, it was just a really fun conversation to to kind of like as my son continues to mature and grow.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: He's a 19 year old and I still feel like I'm his age, but I'm not.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: But I'm very grateful for these types of conversations.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: I'm starting to have as he's entering that adult world.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, brother.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Hey man, that was awesome to hear.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: And I know what you're saying.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: I feel my 14-year-old is very emotionally intelligent, more so than I've ever been, so I learn a lot from him, more so than he does from me.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: There you go, but yeah.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: I learned a lot from him, more so than he does from me.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: These were conversations that we're not had when we were growing up.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: Good for you.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: I don't know how much that's changed.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: If it's society or what, I never thought in my wildest dreams I'd be on Snapchat.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: I've actually joked about this before in previous episodes.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: I had a client tell me about it.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: He goes.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: If you want to stay in touch with your son in college, get on Snapchat.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: I'm like bro.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: I'm like 49.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: What am I going to get on Snapchat for?
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: But we have like a 250-day streak.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Amazing.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: And it's not like oh, I got to talk to my dad today.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: He's like no, this is what I do.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: We talk, you know text snap.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: I'm just grateful for that Like cause I did not talk to my parents every day.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: And right now with the lines of communication.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Literally we're not there.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: No, no, Well, um, bring me inside.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: Uh, we'll call it the Tatupu huddle, but bring me inside.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: Maybe.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: Talk about where you and your wife met and then talk about each, each member of the squad what they're up to.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: Man.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: I met my wife when she always says when we were 13, because that's when we first dated, but we met when we were 11.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Um, there was ice skating rink in franklin and friday or saturday nights everybody used to go there and so of course we were dating other people.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: But just happened, happened to, I think, the energy.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: We understood it, felt like I had known her for years, even in the first conversation, and so just became really great friends, dated briefly in what?
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: Seventh or eighth grade, and then kind of went our separate ways again.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Through high school I had a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend, for you know those years, and then, just as Faye would have it, we both went off to college different places and then we ended up meeting back up because, you know, two broke college kids you're coming home Like we're not going to.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Cancun or Cabo, like a lot of kids get to experience.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: We went home and, um, when I was home, we just, uh, connected at a party and happened to actually finally not be in a relationship and just started hanging out.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: And um, it just kind of developed over time through the next semester when we came back home for summer and it was like summer love I guess, uh, but it was meant to be.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: And then, as um, you know, I transferred and everything, but yeah, so we just celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary last wednesday and uh thank you and we, uh, I've known her for 30 years, 30, yeah, I'm 42 now.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: So since I was 11, 12 years old, 30 years, and so there's just a lot of history.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: And I think that's pretty special in the regard of, like, hey, do you remember this or do you remember when, like, we had a lot of those conversations, you know, recalling the past?
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's the real leader of the household and if you want, I can get her on and she can, like you know she's the gm yes, so.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: And then, um, you know, marriage is.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: We had our first, um kai.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: He's 14 now but, uh, you know, just uh, amazing spirit and old soul, if you will.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: And then he's got a younger brother, kane, who is very much little lofa, and so I'm trying to really help him, not control, but come to terms with and understand his emotions, you know, and why things he perceives in a certain way, because I was the same way.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: I was just very passionate, very energetic like him, but I would fly off the deep end just like every other second, just like what'd you say?
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Like I didn't say anything.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, those are the members of the household and what they're into.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: Uh, you asked my wife, yoga.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: Um, she's a real estate agent, just got her license, very proud, I mean, she does everything she can.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: You know she can do everything and much similar to the, the oldest guy.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: He uh, very musically inclined.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: That is his path, I know that and I told him that several years ago.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: He is playing sports and I'm happy because he's understanding teamwork, accountability.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: You know everything.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: You know no one does anything special by themselves, not even a musician.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: They have a team around them if they want success, right and hard work.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: And then the youngest is just getting into baseball and that's got me really excited because he he's got the passion to, he's the mindset and passion just like okay, like I'm here, but I know where I'm going, I can get better just every other day, like just keep going um.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: So it's different.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: But yeah, he's into art, like um what is it?
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: animation.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: So we signed him up for like code ninjas, where they taught him coding.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: And and this is where he really shocked me, kids will shock you, right I thinking that we were very similar.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: I really would have had a tough time with learning coding because if it didn't come natural and it didn't for him, I thought he was gonna just like oh, this isn't for me, right, which is kind of like what we all a lot of us did growing up, like sure if you weren't didn't have a little bit of success or couldn't see long term big picture like where you're headed with it.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: You were discouraged, right, you know.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: Hopefully your parents helped you push through, right.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: But he shocked me and he's making these amazing animations, digital drawings.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: It's awesome and um and so yeah, man, it's, every day is an adventure and I'm grateful for it.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: That's awesome, that's cool, Um.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: So I always love going back in time, um with with my guests and and make them think about what was life like growing up for them with my guests, and make them think about what was life like growing up for them.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: And actually, before I do that, I got to say I have not met many people that have dated as long as my wife and I have, and so my wife and I met in eighth grade, so 13, 14, same, so very similar paths.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: She went to University of Washington.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: I played football there's my first Uncle Rico moment right there at Central Washington University.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: She couldn't get into Central, so she went to UW, because it is the Harvard of the West, as many people know that.
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: Love it.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: Joking aside, but yeah, I definitely married up too, and my wife keeps our house tight and she reads a defense.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: I know what cover two is, but she can read most coverages a lot better than me and uh, I know what you're saying, brother.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: I already know what you're saying.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: But good, good for you man, good for you guys yeah, and we just we actually just celebrated 26 years.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: Incredible, I know.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: And uh, it's like I don't.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: There's no one, no one else I can't imagine spending life with.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: So it's's, uh, it's, I'm very grateful for that, but, um, okay, so I want to go back in time, the days of Massachusetts, talk about what was life like growing up for you and the impact mom and dad had on you.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Oh, man, everything, um, you know I grew up in Massachusetts.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Um, you know it was.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: I didn't know any different because, but, as I would come to experience more of life when I, you know, went on to college, even going to Maine and then California and then being here in Seattle, you know, looking back it was very different.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: But at the time I didn't know anything else because I was the only Samoan in Massachusetts, at least, other than I had two others, my sister and my my dad.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: But, um, so, just trying to uh make sense of, like, really, where I belong or or fit in, um, in the world, right, and uh, but I always had two just pillars of strength and encouragement, and both of them, my mom and my dad.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: Um, they just always told me to chase my dreams and do what makes me happy and football, that was it for me, like I couldn't picture anything else and I didn't want him.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: It was, um, an obsession, like, really, that's really what it comes down like.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: When I was, I played, you had to play.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: Everything growing up there was you couldn't have a down season, right, you had to play basketball baseball something.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: You couldn't have a down season, right, you had to play basketball, baseball, something, whatever winter fall, and so I played football.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: Then we would go to basketball While I was in basketball I'm talking about football when I went to baseball.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about football, and I'm like watching reruns of recorded football games, and it was very clear to both my parents that this was my path, and so all they did because it wasn't always right success isn't just a straight shot or a hockey stick, like everybody thinks.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: It was like whoa, hey, oh, hey, maybe no like, and so, um, having them there, you know, because there's times where, especially, it's your first time at all of this and you don't know what you don't know, but the encouragement like hey, you got better and this is what you did today, that was different from yesterday.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: I started, you know, putting a pattern in my brain of like, really calculating and understanding progress and because I knew I was, I loved what I was doing, even when I wasn't one of the best players on the field.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: I just was like I'm meant to be here and so, yeah, having that man, that's what I'm trying to impart to my kids.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: Whatever you're going to choose, it's going to be hard.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: I love quotes and sayings.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: You know that if you're're doing what you love, you'll never work a day in your life.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Well, if you're not going to be, if you're not, you're going to be great at your what you do, like what you love.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: If that's your attitude.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: You never do, but I understand what it means.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: Like you're going to feel, like you're not working.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really going to carry you through the dark times is like, and so, um, that's that's why I just love like the courage to stick through it and see it through.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: Um, and that's that's really what I'm just trying to teach the boys, like with my oldest.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: I'm like dude, music is your path.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: And like don't fight it, own it.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: And I don't.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: He he recently surprised me just got up like and sang in front of a hundred adults that he didn't know at a birthday party, like rapped, and it was a.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: I've never had that experience like mind, body, soul, just like I could feel the energy and it was amazing and I gave him a big hug and kiss after, and then when we got home, we had a great, meaningful conversation, much like you were saying with your son, and I told him I go, hey, kyle, I don't care if you pick up a basketball or football ever again in your life, I go.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: What I saw tonight was your path and your calling, and.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: But you just got to pour your soul into it and I can show you how to do, how I did that with football, right, yeah.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: And and I just saw the biggest smile on his face because you know, I think he felt a lot of pressure, probably to play, like I never felt pressure to play, even though a lot of people expected me to play.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: I was like, no, this is what I love, and um, and so, like I just I feel like I saw a sense of relief in him too, right, right, um, and he's just been upstairs in the studio every day, like nonstop since, and I'm like, yes, this is, this is how it's done, like that was me when I was young, right, like that was us with football, right.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: So, um, it was exciting, man, and um, yeah, it was really like a transcendent moment in time for me where I just it was an experience.
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: That's so cool.
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: You're bringing me back to like a story I had when I was a kid.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: That when you kind of when you find that passion, I remember I was like a, I was the skinny.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: You know there's a quarterback, supposed to be better than me.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: He was a better athlete but I was in a didn't know at the time just a better leader than him and but I remember my coach, kind of what you just did your son.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: You instilled belief in him and without judgment, but belief, which is why the signs behind me people can see, believe always remind me that I believe what I do matters, um, I and I.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: I do work like as an executive coach now, which I did not ever plan on doing and help people just think about that word which you did a really good job with your son and this coach.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: I remember he told me, coach Marty Osborne, he goes, man, you're going to be our quarterback, but here's what you got to do.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: And so I was like, wait, what Like I?
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: I didn't believe it myself and I think that separates people like me.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: Play at the D2 level to get to the next level is like it's a.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: It's another level of belief and another level of competitiveness that you just don't know, but when you see it it's like wow, um, anyway.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: So I remember getting a job and at a fricking place called Ernst, which is a I think they've gone out of business like a hardware store, and my first paycheck I use it to go buy um supplies to build up like a little um l frame, where I hung a tire in my backyard on a sport court when I put a tarp behind it and I literally would just throw four, five, six hundred balls a day by myself amazing I love that and so I mean, think about your parents.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: I was joking what a parent's dream.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Like they didn't have ipads back when I was growing up, or iPhones, but my, my, my parents, just like then.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: I was not getting in trouble, I was out there playing football by myself Cause I've known we could run routes for me.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: I'm just, I'm gonna throw into the tarp I get practice baby.
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: I, I, when I have to call on that ball, I Like that's, that's awesome, man.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing that.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you bet man.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: Okay, and this is not about me, it's about you, but you inspired that story out of me.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: So you think values wise and you think about like pressure and like you know the thing people could say man Lofa.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: He had this crazy career and the fact that you're already, I think you're so present in your mindset about not putting up pressure on your kids, which is huge, and, if my memory is correct, your, your dad, played for the Patriots.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: He played 14 years.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: 13 of them were for the Patriots, and then one year for the Rams, and then called it a career, so like, and you mentioned earlier, you didn't feel the pressure.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: Where do you think your, that passion, that drive came to say this is what I'm going to do?
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: You know, my mom was probably the biggest champion of like mindset and like you know, you know now she, her story is pretty special too.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: She's the oldest of seven, her dad's a Marine and her mom's Air Force Right.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: So there was some.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: There was some structure put in place on young love at a very early age, wealth at a very early age, but also, just, hey, this is how you do things and strategic everything.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: I was equipped with some weapons that a lot of kids weren't.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: They always thought, oh well, his dad was a football player, so he's got the genes and everything.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: I wasn't the athlete my dad was.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: My dad was a phenomenal athlete in every sport.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: He had scholarships for football, baseball and basketball back in the seventies when you were lucky, if you got one scholarship Right, um, and so, yeah, you had to be making some serious noise to have schools flying out to Hawaii, um and and trying to recruit you.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: And so my mom, she was always there and I tell her stories sometimes, of times I remember where her words meant the world to me.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: Well, maybe I didn't believe, right, like when I was young, and sometimes she forgets.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: She's like I said that and I was like, yes, sometimes she forgets.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: She's like I said that and I was like, yes, you said that, mom, like you know, and so, um, but I did always have the understanding or the mindset of I can get better and I will get better, like that was something my youngest, like I, was talking about.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: He has it, he'll sit and watch and watch and watch, and he's just studying and he's trying to understand and make sense of it.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: Um, because he's a visual learner, like I am, and so you know, like film study and all that.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: That's really where I got my edge and where I took away other people's superpowers, the athletically super gifted, like superheroes, right, they became normal when I took their powers away, I was like I know his moves, I know his steps, I'm counting them, and I think that's the level you were.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: You were asking me about Like, so the mindset.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: It was developed from both parents.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: Um, and then I just always heard stories of how tough my dad was and then he would, just he never talked football or really like talked about being tough, like he, just he just did it Right and so I saw with example, the toughness.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: And then I would hear all his friends like, man, that's one of the toughest guys.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: And my understanding was I was like, well, that's just a choice.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: Like, that's not.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: No one's born with that or without it.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: They can develop it Right, it's a skill.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: And so, yeah, from the effort and the toughness and the just belief that was from my parents, they passed that down to me, thankfully.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: Okay, so we talk about toughness and I think that's something where when I was growing up I was born in 76, so like 80s, I think dads didn't talk to their kids the way dads talk to kids.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: The I was born in 76.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: So, like eighties, I think there was, you know, dads didn't talk to their kids the way dads talk to kids.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: Now I think, um, I don't mean to judge or stereotype everybody, but, um, you know, toughness.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: I didn't learn true mental toughness until I went through the adversity in, like high school.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: I had a really bad injury that really prevented where I, which is why I went to central Washington.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: But, um, and I learned about, like, life is not fair and it is going to be hard at times, Um, but, and now I feel like dads are doing a lot more, a lot more interacting.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: We're a lot more embracing kind of the EQ of life around, you know, embracing vulnerability, asking great questions Like are you a listener?
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: Versus just like you know, send the kid out to play and they you show up eight hours later.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: I mean, there's some, some that still works wherever you may live, but I think there's.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: It seems like there's a more tendency to like really teach mental toughness or teach mental skills, and that's like that's its own journey of like careers for many people now, but like for you, as you was there a moment where you feel like your mental toughness or your, your, uh, your journey of like, making that choice clicked, that you think maybe a story might come to mind.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, there's several.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: Um, you know, I think, getting bullied for looking different, you know, when I was very young and not understanding, like, what was going on, like, what do they mean?
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: What are they talking about, like, but as you understand more and comprehend more, you're just like, oh, all right, well, so you know you have to build a layer of, you know, extra skin or tough skin and just, but, but mentally and emotionally, you have to try to like, make peace with it and just forgive.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: And so, as that, you know, happened when I was young, um then, so funny story, well, it's funny now.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: It was, probably, it was.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: It was very traumatic at the time, you know, just, and it was wasn't just words like bullying, like it was actually fist fights, right, like this is old days, right, and so you know you have to go through hell, man, like, so who's it gonna be today?
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: Like, who do I have to fight, you know, and like I was just like eating punches left and right, like, just and like, but nothing hurt worse than not trying, like, that's what really gets at you, like that is what tears away at your soul.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: And but I didn't know anybody.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: I knew I was like, hey, I wasn't supposed to fight.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Yes, you can defend yourself, is what my parents said.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: And like I just I didn't even have the heart at the time to do that right.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: And so then we finally go.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: You know, a couple years later I was probably like nine and, um, we go to hawaii.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: My dad's getting his jersey retired at his uh, high school and I'm like, oh, it's gonna be great.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna be around my cousins and people that look like me.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: It's gonna be awesome.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: Like I'm actually gonna find a feel like I belong yeah so we go out there and my cousins start talking shit to me and they're like twice the size of the kids back east and they're the same age.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: They're just monsters.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: But like at that moment I kind of snapped right.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: Um, it's almost like I love marvel comics growing up.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: You know, you wear the, the arc of the hero or the villain right and yeah it wasn't pretty.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: I snapped, I fought everybody and uh, I, yeah, I.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: I just finally sat there because I could feel it coming again.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, you're gonna cower out again, are you gonna do it like?
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: And I just snapped and I said, no, I've taken everybody's punch, I'm going to show you my best punch.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: And I just started throwing back at everybody and like, look, any kid listening, this is not.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: I'm not telling you to go join a fight club to get your mental toughness down.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: I'm just sharing my experience and, and you know, hopefully we can get something from it.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: But um, then, uh, I came back home and I was like everybody saw a new Lofa was born.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: Like it wasn't the same kid that they were used to picking on.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: And they I mean whether they felt the energy or anything like they were like all right, no, he doesn't have the same look in his eye.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: And so that was probably one of the first, because you're just going to continue.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: That's like you said.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: Life it's not fair.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: You're just going to keep going through adversity and it's just how you respond.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: And so the next one unfortunately, my parents grew apart, which happens right, and they divorced and it was kind of a slow process which was tough.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: Then, like I guess like statistically they say 9 to 12 is like we're the worst uh time to do it when a kid is in those age range.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: I was 9 to 12, so like it was all about just a little more trauma.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Let's sprinkle a little more trauma on there right and I can laugh at it now because it helped build me, it helped make me stronger, it helped me appreciate you know everything and so, but and I remember at the time, like my mom always had, they both still always had, you know, love for us and I know they loved each other, but they had just grown apart, which happens Right.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: And so my mom said, hey, hey, you know, things could always be worse, like that perspective, and you know, picture a little kid like how how is that possible?
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: like my whole world has just changed.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: I don't know what to make of it.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: Nothing makes sense anymore.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: And, uh, a year later we lost our house.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: So, talk, talk about the other layer of toughness.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: Wow, it was just a series over and over and over, and like, when you have those things happen, it's, you know, sadly, gonna could break you or could just make you into a different type of beast.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: And I said, okay, what am I going to do with everything I'm feeling?
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: I'm going to channel it, harness it, and then I'm going to channel it towards football.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: And I was like and so like, in a very short time, because I was not very good at football but I was loving it All of a sudden you started to see me just ascend and ascend, and ascend, and like everybody was like, I don't know, there's something wrong with that guy.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: It was like there was a lot, there's a lot wrong with that guy.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: But but just there became a clear understanding of like, hey, man, things are going to happen.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: Like, like the only thing you control, like they always say effort and attitude, yep, can you give it everything you have and only you know that.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: And then do you do it with a positive attitude, from the right frame of mind and perspective.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: So, man, I just fell all in with football because it was, it was my first love.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: That was like when I was six I started playing and it just I was like I love this game.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: I completely love this game.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like I love this game.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: I completely love this game.
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I share the similar, not similar.
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: But I share the love of football because it taught me so many life lessons.
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: Hi, I'm Betsy Robinson, CEO of Tier 4 Group, a women-owned and diversity-certified technology recruiting and executive search firm that connects exceptional talent with extraordinary companies in 43 states across the US.
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: At Tier 4 Group, relationships are at the heart of everything we do, Whether it's with our clients, our candidates, our vendor partners or with each other.
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: Our mission is to go beyond transactions and create long-lasting partnerships.
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: We don't just help companies find talent.
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: We help them find the right talent, and that starts with truly understanding our clients and candidates.
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: It's not just about filling roles.
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: It's about fostering success for the long term.
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: This is the recipe for success that's landed us on the Inc 5000 six consecutive years and has us outpacing our competition across the country, and I'm thrilled to support Casey Jay Cox's podcast.
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: Casey's philosophy aligns perfectly with ours, prioritizing relationships over transactions.
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: His insights on building trust, empathy and connection resonate deeply with the way we do business at Tier 4 Group.
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: We were honored to have Casey as our keynote at our 2024 kickoff, and all of our new hires read his book Win the Relationship, Not the Deal, when they start here with us.
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: So if you're looking for a partner who values relationships as much as results.
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: Visit us at tier4groupcom or connect with me, Betsy Robinson, directly on LinkedIn and, while you're at it, keep tuning into Casey's podcast.
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: You'll walk away inspired to strengthen your own relationships, both personally and professionally.
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: And, as Casey always says, stay curious.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: I was an average student, three to three, three.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: Didn't really apply myself because it wasn't fun, but the game of football taught me visualization, goal setting, mindset, leadership, humility.
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: I mean I can go on for days about know, until you've been in the locker room with dudes and the look and you've played quarterback.
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: So it's like you when people look at you and you that they're like intently looking at you.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: In your eye it's like that feeling is addicting to um.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: And when football got taken away from me when I was done in college, it was like I remember cried for like three hours like I just was like and I didn't, I couldn't, didn't know I was gonna do it.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: I remember I was at a bar with my girlfriend wife now my one of my offensive linemen, I'm running back and no, my other quarterback.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: And I remember just like I'm freaking done, like got teased in arena league a little bit, but like done.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: And when that got done it was like, oh you know, but for you how?
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: How hard was it for you when it got taken away?
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: it's.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: It's just like that.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: Like just exactly like what you felt and like it's, that's why it's the greatest game.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: Like you can't just go pick up and play down the street.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: There's no beer league.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: I wish there was, maybe we'll start one, but you know, you can't just go pick up and get get 22 guys, because that's what you need to play against the offense or defense, right and like so that's why it's there.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: There is a definite finality to it.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: And like, just um, you understand that and I really did, because my dad played in the nfl and I, so I knew, you know, like they would always joke, not for long, right, and it's the truth, it's the truth.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: So, you know, just making the most of that opportunity is all you could do and hopefully you have some luck on your side, like with injuries and everything.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: That's the beauty of the game we love.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: You know, and I always tell it when I get around some NBA guys and we're talking, or some major league baseball, I was like, yeah, we don't have seven games to figure it out.
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: We have, you know, four quarters and possible overtime.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: Like yeah for the championship.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: We can't come back strategically and say, hey, let's do it this way.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: This time I was like this is why our game is better than yours.
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I was like this is why our game is better than yours, yeah, yeah.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: Well, I want to go back a little bit to something you said earlier.
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: So you said, like you know growing up with you know getting to like, learn to be tough, like when people didn't look like you and in 2020, in the heart of COVID, the heart of like Black Lives Matter movement, like, I personally grew more in my diversity than I've ever grown my entire life, for a couple of reasons.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: One, I was a typical naive white person that didn't realize what I didn't know.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: I was a typical naive white person that didn't know what the word privilege meant In my mind.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: When sometimes I would hear privilege, I'd be like dude, what are you talking about?
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: I didn't.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: I worked my ass off, I was and I just didn't get it, and I always love giving love to one of my, my dear friends.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: To this day, I met this entrepreneurial journey guy named Dale favors, and I hope Dale will listen to this one because I love the guy dearly.
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: He's he taught me so much about so many things and, through that journey of just like, continue learning.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: Um, I don't know if you ever the author who just passed away.
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: One of my favorite authors got him, john Feinstein.
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: So he wrote a book called raise a fist, take a knee, and he wrote a book that the book was essentially saying what a joke the Rooney rule is, which is essentially saying that you know, hey, we have to interview certain people of color.
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: Sorry, nfl, if I'm throwing you on blast, I don't mean to, but like, this is his words, not mine but it intrigued me and so I I reached out to him.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: We had this, really so two white dudes having this conversation and he he got when he wrote the book he interviewed.
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: It was like 99% of people of color from the book and they had, and he had built so many relationships through, just like the respect factor, which was like it blew me away.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: But anyway, I just I'm overshare this because, after going through what I went through in 2020, I then reached out to probably six or seven teammates I played with American Samoa, mike T shout out to you, brother and every position player I could think of of color.
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: I went back and I said, man, I'm sorry, I wasn't more curious as an 18-year-old 19-year-old and I'd love to like just learn, learn more about you, and I had some of the most powerful conversations that I wish I would have had then.
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: Now I don't know what I don't know, and so maybe going through what I went through, but it's fun to like share these now with my kids as a dad, to be able to say like listen, like we don't go to many restaurants, we're the only white people we have no idea what that feels like, you know.
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: So, like I, always my goal, like as a dad, with as a place, like diversity and some of the challenges that we're still going to be there for years, is I'm never going to solve racism, but if I can put a dent in it, you know, then it's like I feel like I'm doing my part, but I don't know.
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: I don't know why I'm sharing that with you, but hey, felt compelled to share it and I like it.
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: Man, that's what life's all about, and yeah, it's.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: I think you go back to like what you were saying with the locker room.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: There's no place like it.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: There's no place like a locker room after a win.
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: And like even you look at sporting events, no one's sitting there like, oh, who'd you vote for?
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: Who'd you vote?
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: Everybody there's, every race, every gender, everything right there rooting for one or the other team, right, yeah, and so sports unites.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: Like that's really you know what I love about it.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: And in the locker room you find out we come from so many different walks of life and hopefully we only share our best right Of our culture, of our upbringing, of everything.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: But you get to learn like, oh shit, we're like the same dude, like this is like you've.
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: I know you've had those moments, right oh yeah we're like you, like the light bulb goes off.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: We're like, oh my god, we're like the same dude, we just grew up a different coast and everything.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: But like, yeah, like you know, I love that video and then I watched that growing up, Like because I mean it's, but yeah, so that's what I really love about sports.
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: Every sport, but especially like team sports, is like that camaraderie, that brotherhood, and you know so I've thought of everybody that laced them up high school top one or any time all the way up.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: But if you ever laced those cleats up and played tackle, football or you know football you're a brother to me, like you.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: You, even if you went through one season, you understand what we've went through, even at the little level.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: Like right.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: So because, like, of course, a lot of people say, oh well, I didn't play.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: You know, like you, I was like, yes, you did, yes, you did, and like that's how you have to look at it, because you know what I had to go through in terms of practice.
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: You know dedication, teamwork, you know everything.
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, that's why I love our game.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: I love all sports, but I really love our game.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: I love our game.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: I love all sports, but I really love our game.
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's awesome.
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: As you think about, um, your core values, things that you learned from your, from your mom and dad, um, core values that you and your wife now are are are like teaching your kids, like tell me what are.
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: What's a couple of values that really really come to top of your mind that are real super important to you as a dad.
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: Just respect really stands out Right and like that.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: That one.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: He didn't have to say.
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: He wasn't a big talker, but he didn't have to say much.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: He did it like and he let his actions speak for himself and so and he took me and love and caring and all that too.
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: But respect is the one that stood out the most in terms of when I just think of my dad taking me to charity events and which I always feel connected to him.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: When I do those, like when I sell you a tree house, I think you could feel the energy in that whole room was electric, um, but it's uh.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, respect was the one that always stood out with him.
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: I always wanted his respect, like that, like I knew he loved me, but it meant more to me when he goes and I remember just like three or four handful of times he goes I love you really did something.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: I'm proud of you.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: So hearing him say he was proud of me was more important to me as a man a young man than hearing I love you from him, if that makes sense and um.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: And then when I think about my mom, just like love and caring, like she, you know, just like passionate, just like me, in terms of everything I go to attempt I'm, if you're gonna do it, do it.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: I'm going, I'm going all the way in, like I'm not no half stepping or whether it's football anything.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: If you're going to take the time to do it, do it right.
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: And I mean, I think a little of it that that is her military background and everything.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: But she cares very much, more so than a lot of people I've come across in life.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: You know in this journey, and not just for me, but her care and love for others, right For all.
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: I'm talking the spider walking across the floor, like she's, just very like.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: Her heart shines in that capacity and so those are like the two core values that they really showed me, not just talked about.
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: Now do your boys know these stories too?
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: What stories, which ones?
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: Just the stories of like just what you've shared around, like your growth and the values your mom and dad tied to.
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: Have you shared those stories with your boys?
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: Not yet, but this might be why I'm here today to learn the power of it and share, because, you know, I just want them to find their own journey and you know I'm careful to be like helicopter pair, like don't do this, this is what I did.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: You know, it's like I don't know.
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: I feel like part of not being able to have those conversations for whatever reason.
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: People weren't doing it, like the older generations, right, um, whether it was a stigma as weakness which we know it's not but also, um, it's just I want them, not not that I don't want them to grow up, but like I don't want to change the way they're thinking because they have an imagination still and a lot of.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: I don't want them to grow up, but I don't want to change the way they're thinking because they have an imagination still and a lot of us don't.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: And if you tinker with that this is what I worry about Then maybe it goes on a different path.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: I just want them to find what they love and as soon as you find what you love, we'll help you, me and mom will help you.
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: Really, just go for it.
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: I think that's super important and since my one friend not I have more than one friend, but my one friend who's a diehard Trojan, I got to give him love.
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: Stevie Nadell, he, he did a really good him and his wife, hiller, did a really good job.
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: When their son was younger, he their son Riley literally thought he's going to play MLB and, uh, nhl and then probably he'll be a pro golfer.
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: And they never once said no, you're not.
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: They just said why wouldn't you do that?
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: And, yeah, they just love, and I love the fact it's like our job as parents is to like dream big.
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: Life's going to tell you to go off sooner or later.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: Yep, um, like my son, he's playing at like like a division nai small golf school and he's like I would say he's an above average golfer.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: But some of these kids, at least these are really good.
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: Well, just recently he's kind of taking the next step and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he tells me hey, dad, when I get done college I think I want to try to keep working hard to play on the mini tour like go, like, go, do it.
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: I'm not what.
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: Who's now?
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: Is it realistic?
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: But I'm not.
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: I'm not here to say don't do it.
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: It is if he can visualize it and see it, if he's clearly sees it like.
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: when I was seven I saw myself getting drafted and I saw myself, you know, and I don't know how or why, I just I said, hey, this is what I'm going to do.
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: And you know, everybody's like you're crazy.
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, maybe, but I'm going for it.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: I'm going for it and like that's what I always tell people.
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: I go, hey, when Lofa the Tupu dies yes, I'm talking third person, sorry, bear with me everybody, but I mean the physical existence of Lof the two-poop.
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: He did not die wondering, he went for it all.
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: He took that shot right because, because the pain of regret and the torture, that is my mind anyways, I'm not saying everybody else's.
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: I would just tell myself mentally over and over, like, but you didn't go for it, you didn't put yourself out there, you know, for fear, fear of failure, when my whole career has been failure, like, if you really think about it, I didn't get.
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: I got one offer to play linebacker.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: So out of high school, like and this is where everybody that when they go with the pro, all pro and pro bowls and all American, yeah, that's cool.
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: One offer, not even to Division I is what I had and I took it.
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: I made the most of my opportunity.
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: Then I transferred and I was buried on the depth chart.
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: Naturally, this is now the big leagues right.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: So I put in the time and I watched the film and I understood the game at a different lens and a different level.
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: I just put in the work and, like any good student does, to get great grades, a good athlete should be studying everything about the game, the rules, the, you know everything, the situational awareness of time, on the clock, position on the field, tendencies, percentages, probabilities, outcomes, like I was diving that deep, like, uh, back before analytics were ever out, I was just coming to an understanding of okay, they're 90% run out of this formation, nine out of 10 times.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be right, let's just go.
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: And so when it became a math game uh, cause I love math I was like, oh, this is easy, like, this is so easy, like that you know how it felt.
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: But over those it was just failure, rise, failure, rise, failure, ride.
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: Like how are we going to overcome this hurdle?
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's how we do it, let's go like.
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: And so that was you know kind of the process I went through with everything in terms of the football journey and, and you know, I transferred over to life and just become a better student of life and like dad, friend, neighbor, everything like you know.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: How can you continue to evolve to the highest version of yourself?
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I, I hope, man, that now you're like you get goosebumps or that story Cause there's a lot.
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: But when you said, even when you said earlier, like, hey, maybe I, maybe today's the day I start, I share some stories with my kids, like, I'm of belief that stories sell.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: So, like in the corporate world, I say stories sell, slides don't.
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: But I think when a story is even more powerful is when we ask a question before it To make sure that someone's ready to listen to the story, cause if they don't, if we just tell a story, they might just be hearing us, not listening to us.
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: Um and like, when my even my kids got older, I shared the story of like where I I broke, so I broke my foot in high school, didn't play.
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: My senior year got taken away from me.
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: The dude.
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: I beat out my junior year.
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: He would go on to take.
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: He would go on to um be our quarterback.
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: My senior in high school he broke single season, passing your record, took us to state playoffs first time in 20 years and he got named second team.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: All all the guy had to watch.
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: One of the best things that ever happened to me.
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: So now when I share that story with my kids as they got older, cause when I was they were younger.
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: They're like well, shut up, dad, can we go get a slurpee?
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: You know they didn't care about anything, you know.
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: But like sometimes now they'll still bring up like dad, how hard was that?
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: I go, how was what?
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: And they'll ask me questions and so but I think, like when I think when they can see the stories and realize they're not alone, like even like your little, your little dude, like if he's, if you see him and you like I bet he you unlock him even more with like the stories that you've been through.
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, now you got me thinking yeah, love it yeah, I will man, because I I like I said watching my oldest light up when he was like singing, like I, like I told him I've never seen you smile like that man.
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: I've seen you make game-winning baskets.
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: I've seen you make game-winning catches, you.
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: It was just kind of like ho-hum and like I knew that maybe maybe he expected it, but I knew deep down in my heart and my soul he didn't, he didn't love it and that's fine.
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: I was like dude, that's fine, like you're just here to find what you love and pour everything into it.
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: That's, that's what we're doing I think it's so powerful man and I love that you're sharing that and you've said that a couple times, I think hopefully, dad's, mom's listened home.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: Whether you're a pro at Microsoft, a pro at Boeing, a pro at real estate, a pro, I don't care where you're a pro.
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: But, like, I think it's so important that we let our kids live their journey and I think it's our job to push them and get them comfortable, being uncomfortable and realize that you got to work your ass off for things in life.
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: But like I play football, my son played flag football till 12.
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: He saw me have some back injuries from football and he's like I don't want that.
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: I'm like, good, don't go to you.
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: Like my daughter, she's a Hooper, I sucked at basketball way better.
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: I'm like go, do you like, and it's sometimes it's, you know, it's always easy to let them live their journey because you got more life experience.
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: But I think, like we loaf and I've talked about today is, you know, our adversity or our failure, our struggles, what's shaped the people we are, and it's the continued failure that we're going to see, that's going to continue to shape us.
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: So, um, right.
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, we're human brother, that's right, a hundred percent.
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: And we're all.
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: We're all.
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: And it's funny like if this whole last thing I'll say then I got off my soapbox.
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: Like sometimes people say, oh, you're a life coach.
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: I'm like, no, I ain't got life figured out.
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: I'm almost 50 years old when I'm 95 and you and I'm still doing this and call me a life coach, cause I got more wisdom.
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: But like people like to each his own, like I actually posted this on linkedin recently and got a lot of chatter because I was like you know, I've never thought about that way because I don't know, unless, unless you're getting coached by god, I don't know who's gonna be coaching me yeah, well, whatever god you believe in yeah yeah, right, so it's the truth.
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: And so, yeah, just here to do the best we can help as many, you know, lives and people that we can in the short time we are here, cause it does go by quick.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: I don't care if you lived in 95 or a hundred.
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: You know what did you do at that time, who did you help?
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: Like that's how you say.
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: You know you live forever in the terms of what we were meant to do here and um, you know.
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: So, right on that, so cool, all right.
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: So last question before we get into some fun things.
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: One question I always like asking dads is an area of your dad game that maybe has been a struggle for you.
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: That may speak to another dad at home.
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: You know, I'll lead my witness here.
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: Mine was patience and as a competitive person, I have to really check it and realize that it's like, or like expectations, like having false expectations of an environment that's like never going to come to fruition of what I see sometimes, but like but.
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: I think talking to nearly 300 dads, man, it's just helped me because I feel like I get free therapy out of every episode.
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: I do what, what, what might be an area of your dad game that maybe has been a challenge for you, that might speak to other dads at home.
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: I know I don't have all the answers, like nothing's coming to mind right now.
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: Like I said, the only thing I know about this dad game is that I know nothing.
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: So if that's comforting to anybody out there, you know I hope it is.
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: But you know, just find ways to connect on a deeper level because life has changed.
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: Like you know.
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: A lot of parents, I believe, have kind of like well, this is how it's always been and it's like well, why has it always been like that?
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: Like I know you know this, you're speaking from your perspective and your lens, like, but like, if you look around, this is a very different world than what we grew up in at their age.
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: And so, you know, not really staying up on the times and, like you said, snapchat, like, like you know, finding deeper ways to connect, much like you said, you have these talks with your son, like, and you know I didn't know if it was like a timing thing, but of the last year or two, me and my oldest have been there, but I know it's going to be more impactful and meaningful for my youngest because very similar, right, no one's the same, but very similar.
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: I see everything, down to the stare, the look, the mannerisms, the attitude, the sarcasticness that I love.
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: Sometimes, right, there's a time and a place, but, you know, really wondering and I'm trying to just let things happen as natural as possible in the right, in the given time that it's supposed to, and, but I look forward and cherish the time when I get to really connect with him on that, that meaningful level about just.
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: You know he asked me questions about how did you deal with this?
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: What do you know?
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: Because, yeah, if you impress upon it too early, they might not be ready for it, and like one they might.
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: One they might not be listening, but two, like you know, you don't.
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: Like I said, I'm always to like sift their mindset from present moment and what it is right, what just their lens as it is, cause that's the beauty of life is we all have our different perspective, right.
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's not the best thing that we all have a different perspective as we talk about, but, as always, you're you know, you know giving love and joy to the world.
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: Yes, open-minded, there you go.
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: And just giving love and joy to the world and not hurting anybody.
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: You're doing great.
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I almost forgot.
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: I wanted to ask you a question about visualization, so I think I saw you do.
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: You do stuff with the Kraken.
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: Are you involved with the Kraken at all?
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: No, todd Lightwick, he was with the Hawks and Bill Chapin they were with the Hawks back when I spent time there as a player.
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: But that was the hero of the deep and they generously, they donate every time they do a hero of the deep.
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: I believe it's $32,000.
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: And so they did that for Special Olympics.
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: Washington.
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: And that was pretty, not pretty.
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: It was very meaningful to me.
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: I just meant it's pretty special in the regard that first event my dad ever took me to when I was like four or five.
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: He was a chairman for the Rhode Island chapter of Special Olympics and I remember it and it was, and every time we went to the Pro Bowl when I was, you know, grateful to get nominated, we got to sign up for a couple events.
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: We always sign up for the Special Olympics, and so it was just some memories in time that are irreplaceable, like and so you know, I'm bringing my kids to stuff now so they can get an appreciation about what we're supposed to be doing here.
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: Service is our purpose and uh, but yeah, that was a, it was a really.
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: So my whole family was there and it was.
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: It was just a special night.
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: Man, it's cool that's awesome, that's so cool.
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm gonna make sure we tag special olympics in two.
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: Um, the uh.
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: The reason why I bring the kraken up is you talked about when you were seven years old and you knew exactly you were spent.
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: You're supposed to play football Like.
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: So John Forslund, the play by play guy for the cracking um.
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: I was lucky enough to interview him too in this journey and he knew it.
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: I think age seven he was Boston guy, but he knew at age seven he was going to be an NHL announcer and and back then his people were like his high school guidance counselor was like what?
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: This job doesn't even exist.
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: And he used to tell his dad when his dad they had one of the only houses with cable, so they had the freaking thing on the roof with the wires and stuff he would interview.
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: I mean he would have his dad's buddies come over and John Forsen would go to his dad and say, hey, dad, be okay if I uh do the play-by-play for your, for your buddies, just put the game on mute.
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: And his dad said, yeah, sure, and just the patience.
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: Like I made me feel guilty as a dad because I'm like I don't think I would have patience to do that.
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: I'm like beat it dude.
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: I mean, man, like this is when you wish a camera phone was around right to like record these special moments of like yeah I told you, I told you this was going to happen.
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, not, not john saying that, but like the dad, right, right, like I saw it in my son and I you know I had a part in helping him, you know obviously.
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: But but like that would be incredible, like footage to like watch in for john, for the family, everybody, and like you know that that would be awesome pretty cool.
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: So all right, if you had to summarize.
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: Well, for everything we've talked about, the dads or moms or anybody listening, can maybe take two or three actionable themes that they can apply in their own life to become a better ultimate or quarterback I call it leader of their life or their family.
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: Tell me what comes to mind.
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: Just stay present moment and when you do and sit with it, you'll understand more about your kids, cause that that's really the mission that we're we're talking about at hand and you know all of the things that you know we said the patients and everything.
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: But when you're fully present in the moment, you see things differently, like you don't just see them from your lens and perspective that has always been.
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: You see it from, like, kind of their side like and so you know present moment is is really the biggest thing.
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: that that I would would tell, because everything else will come once you do that, Like, you'll understand.
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: You know how to exercise patience, you'll understand how to help.
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: And then the other thing that I really encourage parents because my parents this is one of the great things they did for me that led to my success is when you see your kid light up doing something that's their path, and just you try and use every resource in terms of connection of someone in that industry to just give them more information that they wish they had when they were younger.
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: I always try to pass on the football knowledge Any kid that asks me.
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: I'm happy to have a conversation with them about how I got better with any any part of the game.
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: So but yeah, when you see your kid light up, that's it.
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: Like you know, you'll know because you're going to because you're going to light up and that's when we go, let's go.
• 57:29
  Speaker 2: Love that.
• 57:29
  Speaker 2: It's true, man.
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: When they, when they see it, it's's, uh, it's like the big parents dream, when they find what they want to do in this their phase of their life where they're at, like light it just for keep throwing gas, not fire and get out of the way, yeah, yeah.
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: So, um, if people want to follow the work you're doing, uh, they want to get involved with any of the the great charitable work you do, um, tell me, what's the the best way people can stay in touch with the work you're doing right now?
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: you know I I gotta get better at that, like actually sharing.
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: You know that's something in me that you know I fight with.
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: I was like I don't want credit for doing what we're supposed to be doing everybody you know what I'm saying there, but there's just um, a bunch of different organizations.
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: Uh, you know, ben's fine with autism, you know John and Tracy Snyder, Um, like.
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: So you know, like, you reach out and, and you know, donate, of course, but they have events, um, you know, tree house for kids, you know for fosters and families in need, because you know anything with kids really, because you never know, you never know the ripple effect when, like, one of those kids could turn out just to be the megastar that everyone listens to, right, and that's when, that's when you know multiple like good, just echoes everywhere, right.
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: So, but so, anything with kids, but Treehouse for Kids there's a lot of them.
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: Man, I'll post about them and stuff and share when I'm doing events.
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: But, yeah, anything you do just to give back, whether it's your time, and even when I say donate like five bucks, that goes a long way for a lot of these organizations.
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be hundreds of dollars, thousands of dollars every time.
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: Well, thank you if you do, but just, you know it's.
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: But so yeah, that's.
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: I think events just come up and I just go like you know it's.
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: So I have to get better at organization.
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: That is something I definitely need, but that's why the real quarterback you know, mom, um, I'm grateful that I met you at treehouse.
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful for mk.
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful for amber bush for for inviting me to that.
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: I mean that I learned so much about I'm and I actually felt bad.
• 59:45
  Speaker 2: I'd never even heard of treehouse before and I spent 20, yeah, and I'm like blown away by the impact that they had and I was blown away.
• 59:51
  Speaker 2: I was was moved.
• 59:52
  Speaker 2: I told Amber, I was like I want to get involved, like how can I help?
• 59:55
  Speaker 2: And, um, you, whether it's mentoring, whether it's, you know, giving when I can or time, it's just like, uh, I was blown away and moved by that event and I am so grateful that we, you know that their tree house does.
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: They do, and I hope that they can continue to get the funding that they deserve because so many kids have been positively impacted and they'll continue positive impacts.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: But something it's important that we support them where we can.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 2: I love hearing that.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 2: So now it's time to go into what I call the lightning round, where I show you the negative hits of taking too many hits in college not bong hits, but football hits.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 2: Your job is to answer these questions as quickly as you can.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: My job is to try to get a giggle out of you.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: Well, the giggle is going to be easy, but I'll try to answer these as quick as I can.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 2: Okay, true or false, you once kicked a 72-yard field goal at King Phillip.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 2: False, false, okay.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: True or false?
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: Matt Hasselbeck is faster than you in 40 yard dash that might be true.
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 2: Sadly, I left first.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 2: All right, yeah, okay.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 2: Um, if I was to come to your house for dinner tonight, tell me what we'd have.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: But let's see yeah, I know, this is a lightning round.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: Awesome job, lowe.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 2: It's all right.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll find something good, but I'll pour you a sparkling water.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: Well, there we go.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: That got me away from soda, thank God.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 2: Okay, favorite comedy movie that you've watched hundreds of times.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: I am such a movie like film, like diehard fan and it's all comedy.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: I only want to laugh.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 1: If I had to pick one, I might have to go Kingpin.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 2: I love Kingpin, it's hilarious.
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 2: So true story.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: I'm going to pause lightning round.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 2: Do you remember the part when he's like Tennessee, kentucky Deeper, jonathan deeper?
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 2: I did that in a practice at Central Washington and Cadence round.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 2: Do you remember the part when he's like tennessee, kentucky deeper, jonathan deeper?
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 2: I did that in a practice at central washington and cadence.
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 2: I said, boys, I'm doing the kingpin just.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: And my coach is like that's not our cadence, what are you doing?
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I'm sorry about coach, I just messed around we laughed freaking so hard absolutely, and one of our sack dances at kp was the weekend of bernie's bernie lomax, where he put his head down and then fast forward like 20 years and they're doing it in the NFL Right.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: There was like a state where you know that that generation still remembered weekend of Bernie's.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 2: Oh God, so good.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 2: Okay, Back to landing around.
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 2: If you were to take a vacation, you and your wife no kids tell me where we're going.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: I'm not a big travel guy, but I would like to check out New Zealand.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: That's on my list too.
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: I will.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 2: Okay, what would be the one song in your phone that you listen to?
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: That might surprise many of your friends.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: Nico is the name, it's Jericho or the awakening.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: Those two songs, uh, they just they spoke to me, like really spoke to me, so check those out, I'll.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: I'll send you the picture of the songs to YouTube to them.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: Okay, those ones like they'd be surprised by that probably.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: Okay, love it.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: Um, if there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title sale and keep going okay, now lofa fail and keep going.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 2: Believe it or not, is they ran out of amazon, ran out of ink?
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: They've been printing them too fast, uh, so now netflix has heard about it and they're gonna make a movie about it, and you are now the casting director.
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 2: I need to know who's going to star Low Foot the Toop in this critically acclaimed, hit new movie.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: Mario Lopez because he still looks younger than me, Even though he's older.
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 2: There we go, okay, and then last question Tell me two words that would describe your wife.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: I think this might be the first time I'm speechless.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: Just two words, all and everything.
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: There we go.
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: She's my all, she is everything.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 2: Lightning round's complete.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 2: I, a typical dad, laughed at my own jokes, which is what I do.
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 2: This has been an absolute honor speaking to you.
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 2: I know, when I met you at Treehouse, I told you that was actually.
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 2: I've used that moment as a, as a teaching moment to some of the sales teams I work with and leaders I work with, where, cause, you and I think, sean, were in front of me and I didn't.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 2: I didn't know it was you, I was, and when you walk left, I walked to the right and I'm like holy shit, I'm low foot to two poo.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 2: And I remember MK.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: We were texting about it.
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 2: I was like I got to, either I'm going to choose to follow him or I'm going to choose the right.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: I'm like F it no.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: And then you were like probably 10 yards in front of me and I probably like who the frick?
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 2: What's this dude on my tail for?
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 2: And I'm like I just said screw it, I'm just going to do it because I believe what I do matters.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 2: And then when I just I mentioned MK, it was like immediate, we had a connection and uh, so I'm just I'm grateful for that, I'm grateful for, um, you spending time with me and I know your story is going to impact a lot of people because you dropped a lot of wisdom specifically around, I think, just helping kids find their passion, staying present, and these are things that we're never going to be perfect at, but if we can hear them over and over and over, that's how you teach yourself these skills, these habits.
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 2: So I'm grateful for you, man, and um hope our paths continue to cross, but I'm just, I can't.
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: I can't thank you enough for spending time with me today, honor is all mine and um, thank you everybody that listened and uh appreciate you.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 2: And that's awesome.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 2: You said you know what F it after.
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 2: I'm going for it.
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 2: That's that made me smile.
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 2: Right, that was awesome.
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was meant to be all right, baby.
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 2: That's right, all right, have a good weekend.