Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1076 - 13's a Lucky Number For Foster Care Week

Transcript

#1076 - 13's a Lucky Number For Foster Care Week · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers, Now.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: How many kids is enough?
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  Speaker 3: Could you handle having the six that mishappy families that
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  Speaker 3: I have? What if I said thirteen thirteen children? My
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: guest today Unhappy Families Podcast is Blinda Baxter. Blinda has
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: thirteen children. Now, not all the children are her own
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  Speaker 3: biological children. Belinda is a foster carer and in addition
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: to her own kids, she's looking after and caring for
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: a range of other children. And today my conversation with
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  Speaker 3: her is about how you do that? Literally, like if
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: you wanted to do that, how would you do it?
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  Speaker 3: But also how how do you do that? Foster Care
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  Speaker 3: Week is happening this week in Victoria. It happens at
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  Speaker 3: different times in different states around the country, but right
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  Speaker 3: now it's Foster Care Week in Victoria. Started on Sunday
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  Speaker 3: and goes all this week. Thanks so much for being
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  Speaker 3: on the podcast. Can you please tell me how many
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  Speaker 3: children are in your care?
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  Speaker 1: Hi? Justin thank you for having me on board. We
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  Speaker 1: currently have thirteen incredible children in our home.
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  Speaker 3: So for anyone who didn't quite hear that the first time,
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  Speaker 3: one three, one, three, that's ten plus three is thirteen.
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  Speaker 3: So it's my six kids plus another seven. Yes, okay,
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  Speaker 3: we'll walk me through this. How does this work? How
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  Speaker 3: many of them are your biological children? Are they all
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  Speaker 3: living in the house at the same time? How big
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  Speaker 3: is your house? How many toilets do you have? How
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  Speaker 3: much toilet paper do you go through on a daily basis?
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  Speaker 3: I need to know the details, and then I want
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  Speaker 3: to get into the foster care thing, but just first
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  Speaker 3: the overview of the family and how the house dynamic works.
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  Speaker 1: We definitely have loads of toilet paper.
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  Speaker 2: Is it the chief stuff? Or do you go with
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  Speaker 2: three play? I got to know, we got to go.
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  Speaker 1: Three ply and Wolla's look after us incredibly. Well, we're
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  Speaker 1: VIP members down there, surprise. So we have six biological
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  Speaker 1: children together and we have three kinship children and four
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  Speaker 1: foster children currently in our home.
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  Speaker 3: Wow, okay, what are their ages? And also how do
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  Speaker 3: the foster care kinship kids fit in with your own children?
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  Speaker 1: Like?
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  Speaker 3: Are your children all older and then you've started with
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  Speaker 3: a younger group or do they just fit in like
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  Speaker 3: one great big Brady bunch.
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  Speaker 1: Well, our journey actually started as kinship care is and
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  Speaker 1: from there, we grew a huge passion for helping children,
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  Speaker 1: and we decided from there that we would do our
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  Speaker 1: foster care.
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  Speaker 3: So I know that this is foster care week, but
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  Speaker 3: a lot of people might not be familiar with the
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  Speaker 3: term kinship care. Can you just describe what that is,
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  Speaker 3: and then we'll step back into the foster care conversation.
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  Speaker 1: So there's kinship care and kids, I believe, and that
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  Speaker 1: is our children that you're either related to or you
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: have a community connection to.
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  Speaker 3: I see, okay, all right, so you've got some kind
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  Speaker 3: of a connection. Maybe it's your sister is unworth well,
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  Speaker 3: can't look after our children for any number of reasons,
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  Speaker 3: or your brother is in prison and there's some challenges there.
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  Speaker 3: And so now you're taking on that kinship care, and
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  Speaker 3: then of course that expands out into foster care, which
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  Speaker 3: is when you're taking on somebody with whom you have
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  Speaker 3: no previous sort of relationships, somebody who just needs help.
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  Speaker 1: That's absolutely right.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, So when did all this begin? You began by
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  Speaker 3: doing some kinship care for family or someone in the
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  Speaker 3: community that needed some help, and then it expanded.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, so our journey began in two thousand and nineteen.
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  Speaker 1: So we've been I think it's been about seven or
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: eight or nine years now.
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  Speaker 2: So you had all of your children before this began,
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  Speaker 2: we did?
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  Speaker 3: Okay, So you've got six biological kids and then you think,
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  Speaker 3: you know, somebody needs some help, and we just happen
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  Speaker 3: to be the people.
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  Speaker 2: Well, I mean, we're all right at this.
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  Speaker 3: We've got a six of our own. We're like Justin
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  Speaker 3: and Kylie Coulson, we can do this, and so you
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  Speaker 3: decide to.
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  Speaker 1: Go at it absolutely.
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  Speaker 2: Okay?
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  Speaker 3: All right, So do you currently have all thirteen of
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  Speaker 3: those children in your care? Like they're under your roof?
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  Speaker 1: I sure do.
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  Speaker 2: How old's the oldest?
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  Speaker 1: The oldest is seventeen, okay, and.
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  Speaker 2: That's that's your biological child.
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  Speaker 1: No, this is a foster child, right, okay, So we
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  Speaker 1: have a seventeen year old, three fifteen year olds, a
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  Speaker 1: fourteen year old, a twelve year old, another two twelve
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  Speaker 1: year olds, ten, two, nine, six, and seven. Sorry I
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  Speaker 1: said that all back to front.
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  Speaker 2: Did you know what this?
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  Speaker 3: Anyone who's listening to this is kind of going, hang on?
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  Speaker 3: Did you say you have three fifteen year olds and
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  Speaker 3: a fourteen year old? I'm currently raising my fifth fourteen
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  Speaker 3: year old, and if she's listening, I'm so sorry, lil,
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  Speaker 3: but fourteen year olds are half right, Like, this is
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  Speaker 3: a difficult age. You're raising three fifteen year olds and
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  Speaker 3: a fourteen year old. Okay, So how many bedrooms do
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  Speaker 3: you have.
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  Speaker 2: In your house?
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  Speaker 1: So we have seven bedrooms inside?
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  Speaker 3: Okay, all right, and then there's the doctor outside, right, yeah,
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  Speaker 3: we have.
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  Speaker 1: Six independent living units outside.
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  Speaker 2: Well okay, Blenda.
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  Speaker 3: Not everybody wants to or can take on a child,
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  Speaker 3: especially in a full time role, but a lot of
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  Speaker 3: people want to help. There's more than just a full
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  Speaker 3: time care role in foster care, isn't there?
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  Speaker 1: Absolutely? There are many different types of care roles that
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  Speaker 1: you can do in foster care. There is a spike care,
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  Speaker 1: which is a short stage a child or young person
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  Speaker 1: which gives foster cares and their own family a little
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  Speaker 1: bit of a break. So that could just be you know,
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  Speaker 1: having a child over the weekend or for a week,
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  Speaker 1: which is lovely. You can do some great fun activities
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  Speaker 1: with them and enjoy that relationship, but then they go
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  Speaker 1: back to their foster parents or their families. There's emergency care,
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  Speaker 1: which is providing care to a child immediately, and that
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  Speaker 1: could be for a few days or up to a
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  Speaker 1: few weeks.
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  Speaker 2: One of my friends got a phone call in the
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  Speaker 2: middle of the night.
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  Speaker 3: He'd signed up to be an emergency care for to Care,
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  Speaker 3: and there'd been a terrible incident in a young baby's family,
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  Speaker 3: and the baby was only hours old as it stood,
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  Speaker 3: and so he took he and his wife took care
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  Speaker 3: of that baby and ended up adopting that baby. And
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  Speaker 3: I mean that was a I know that reunification is
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  Speaker 3: always the goal with this kind of situation, but unfortunately
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  Speaker 3: and that circumstance, that wasn't possible, and they ended up
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  Speaker 3: adopting and finding a new member of the family who's
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  Speaker 3: had just been so meaningful to them. So, hearing you
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  Speaker 3: talk about those different kinds of care, it's incredible how
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: impactful these children become in your home. Tell me about
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: the motivation here. This is not what we hear happening.
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  Speaker 3: This is an unusual set of circumstances. How did you
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  Speaker 3: go from saying let's look after and help care for
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  Speaker 3: our child to saying we should just keep going with
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: this like this is great and thirteen thirteen is the
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  Speaker 3: right number for us.
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  Speaker 1: What I will say is, it doesn't matter if you
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  Speaker 1: have thirteen children, or you're a family of one or two,
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  Speaker 1: your face to the same challenges and the same experiences.
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  Speaker 1: It's just extra loads of washing, extra time. So it's
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  Speaker 1: once you have those foundations in place, I guess it
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  Speaker 1: doesn't matter how many children you have. It just works.
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  Speaker 1: So for us, I guess what gives me the drive
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  Speaker 1: and the strength to keep going is seeing the positive
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  Speaker 1: impact that you can make on a child's life, because
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  Speaker 1: it's the most rewarding experience in the world.
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  Speaker 3: You said that your journey began because you wanted to
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  Speaker 3: help somebody who is close or you're connected to. But
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  Speaker 3: I'm still trying to understand how does that go from
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  Speaker 3: one child to an additional seven. My understanding of most
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  Speaker 3: people who are engaged in foster care is that they
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  Speaker 3: take on one or maybe two kids. Maybe in an
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  Speaker 3: extreme case, they might take on three. But you've you've
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  Speaker 3: carried that on. Where did that come from? What prompted
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  Speaker 3: promoted inspired that?
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  Speaker 1: I guess for us, it's about you don't just overnight
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  Speaker 1: go we're going to have thirteen children. We absolutely never
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  Speaker 1: planned a large family at all. We don't have a
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  Speaker 1: goal of having the most children or anything like that.
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  Speaker 1: It just happens. There's children that need care and we're
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  Speaker 1: able to provide that. I will actually add that I'm
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  Speaker 1: at capacity, So our family is not going to grow, Okay,
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  Speaker 1: there is there is a there is a you know,
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  Speaker 1: there is a boundary, and you need to be able
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  Speaker 1: to provide care and good quality of care to all
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  Speaker 1: of these children. So we are absolutely at capacity. But
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  Speaker 1: I guess for us, every family's every family in foster
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  Speaker 1: care is unique and different, and for us, I'm very
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  Speaker 1: fortunate that my husband works from home and we live
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  Speaker 1: on a great property of five acres, and we've got
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  Speaker 1: a really good workshop on our property. My husband's a
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  Speaker 1: dsent mechanic, So I guess for us, to particularly for
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  Speaker 1: our teenage boys, my husband does a lot of hands
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  Speaker 1: on skills with those kids. So a lot of these
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  Speaker 1: kids can come with different challenges, and I guess for us,
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  Speaker 1: our approach is doing lots of hands on skills with them,
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  Speaker 1: teaching them life skills because sometimes schools not for them
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  Speaker 1: and sometimes they really struggle. So if we can combine
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: the two and give them those life skills as well,
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  Speaker 1: it definitely makes a difference. You've got to have foundations
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  Speaker 1: like so we've got a lot of teenagers. So part
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  Speaker 1: of having teenagers here is teaching them independent living skills.
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  Speaker 1: So before I mentioned that we have lots of units outside,
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  Speaker 1: so part of that is that we've got a kitchen
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  Speaker 1: outside where they're learning to live in Handently, we've got
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  Speaker 1: a laundry outside as well, where children that are ready
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  Speaker 1: they'll learn that.
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  Speaker 2: So it must be such a relief for you.
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  Speaker 1: It is such a relief, Like when they say I
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: want to do my own washing, I'm like clapping my hands, going, yes,
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  Speaker 1: that's one basket less in my laundry head. But it's
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  Speaker 1: not just about taking on kids. It's about how can
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  Speaker 1: we change and how can we help them, How can
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  Speaker 1: we shape their life, What can we sew into them
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  Speaker 1: that's going to have an impact for when they're adults.
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  Speaker 1: And that's what gives me the drive to keep going.
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  Speaker 3: Some years ago, I'd say maybe ten or twelve years ago,
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  Speaker 3: shortly after we had our final our sixth daughter, Kylie,
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  Speaker 3: and I began the process of talking with an agency
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  Speaker 3: to see whether or not we might step into foster care.
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  Speaker 3: At the time, for a number of reasons, it was
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  Speaker 3: too much of a process. Number one and number two
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: we just we looked at our lives and thought, we
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: don't think we can actually do this. It might be
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: a bridge too far. We're already swamped and overwhelmed with
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: our own six kids, and so we pulled back. I
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: have spoken to other people over the years, and it's
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: been some time since I've had a conversation like this,
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  Speaker 3: but I have spoken to some people over the years
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  Speaker 3: who have said the whole foster care system is very
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: very hard to navigate, hard to get into, and hard
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  Speaker 3: to engage with in any meaningful way.
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  Speaker 2: Has that been your experience as well?
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  Speaker 3: Tell me about what the process is. If somebody wants
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: to foster and is inspired by your story.
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  Speaker 1: Well, I'll be completely honest. When my husband and I
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: were thinking about becoming foster carers, I thought, how do
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: I make that phone call and say I've already got
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: this many children and I want to have like I
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: want to do more and to be completely honest. When
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: I contacted my agency and I told them my story,
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: one of our workers actually came out and said, I
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: actually need to see this. I actually need to physically
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: come out here and see you and see your home
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: and see your kids before we go any further. But
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: when I was curious and I had questions and I
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: was thinking about becoming a foster carer, I googled and
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: I actually rained foster in Connections and that's a Victorian
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: initiative in Victoria. And that was the best thing I
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: ever did. I had a lengthy, one hour conversation with
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: a beautiful person that I still talk to now, and
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  Speaker 1: I told her my life story and I told her
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  Speaker 1: my drive and had questions and she told me everything
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  Speaker 1: that I needed to know. She answered all of my
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: questions and she spoke truthfully to and it just it
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  Speaker 1: gave me a really good insight of foster care and
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: what it's all about. And she even helped me with
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  Speaker 1: some agencies that I could contact to do the next
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  Speaker 1: stage of reaching out to them and say, hey, you know,
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: I'm really interested in becoming a foster carer. And that's
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  Speaker 1: sort of where it all began for us.
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  Speaker 3: And so from there you do a course or you're
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: fill in some paperwork and then a child arrives.
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  Speaker 1: I wish it was that easy, justin.
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  Speaker 2: I really do with a bow and a ribbon and
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  Speaker 2: everything's ready to go.
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  Speaker 1: Absolutely, But you know what, I'm really grateful for the
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  Speaker 1: process because at least we know when you do become
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  Speaker 1: a foster care you're going to be providing a child
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  Speaker 1: the best home you can and all of these relevant
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: checks have taken place to become a foster carer. So look,
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: it is a little bit of a lengthy process, but
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: it's a very rewarding process and I did enjoy enjoy
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: the assessment and the process we went through. It can
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: feel a little bit overwhelming, but the agency that you're with,
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: they support you the whole way through it and make
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: it really easy for you. So I guess the first
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  Speaker 1: thing to do is you need to connect with a
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  Speaker 1: foster care agency. Advice would be connecting with giving Foster
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: and Connections a call and saying, hey, you know this,
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: I'm interested in becoming a foster care because they'll actually
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: take the time and have that conversation with you and
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: then that'll answer all of your questions. And then connect
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: with a foster care agency. There's lots of foster care
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: agencies in Victoria or statewide. Generally, after you've made contact
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: with a foster care agency, they'll invite you to an
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: information session or depending on the agency or the worker
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: that sorry the agency that you're with, a worker may
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: actually come and visit the home and then they'll help
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: you make an informed decision about foster care. So that's
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: a really nice way of starting the process. And then
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: if you are ready to take the leap, there's lots
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: of paperwork I'm not gonna lie and a few background checks,
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: but again your agency will help you through that, and
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: then you attend some training and that training gives you
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: all the skills on becoming a foster care and dealing
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: with challenges and lots of strategies. And then the final
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: the final part of the process is you'll have an
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: assessment stage and that's where like an individual assessor will
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: come to your home, maybe four to eight times, and
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: they will come and ask you some questions about your family,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: your skills, your experience, and then you hit the panel
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: and they make the final decision of whether you're going
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: to be a foster care or not.
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: Obviously you pass with flying colors. Blenda, what's the hardest
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: part of doing what you do? What's the hardest part
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: of bringing somebody else's children into your home and saying
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: this is your place, now, we're here for you, We
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: are the supportive, available approachable, helpful adults in your life. Welcome,
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: We're glad to have you. What's the hardest part of
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: foster caring?
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: Hardest part about being a foster care is the unknown
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: for us. You know, when a child comes into your care,
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: you've got to get to know them. It's like a
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: blank canvas for them. They've got to come into a
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: new home, new people, new smells, new food, new environment.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: It comes with lots of challenges on lots of unexpected challenges.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: But I guess for us, we celebrate the positive moments
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: and we face the challenges as they come, and we
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: learn and grow from them. And that's what makes this
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: foster care journey so unique is that you do get challenges,
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: but you do get some really rewarding and amazing experiences
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: as well.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: Listen to what you're saying. I love the reality of
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: the challenge that you acknowledge, but also there's this hopeful message.
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: It's like you're watching the progress. You're seeing the change
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: in children who and now receiving opportunities that they might
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: not otherwise receive. Blinda, my heck goes off to you.
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  Speaker 3: It's an extraordinary story. It's inspiring. I hope that as
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: people listen that they have a renewed interest, perhaps or
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: a brand new interest in what foster care might be
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: and whether it could be something for them to look at.
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: Really appreciate you sharing your story today on the Happy
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: Families Podcast. Thanks for being with us, Thank you for
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: having me. What an inspiring conversation. Foster Careweek in Victoria
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: all this week and other states. I mean, you don't
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: have to wait till Foster Care Week to get involved
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: with foster care. So if it sounds like something you're
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: interested in, do a quick google for your relevant state
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: or territory.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: And see where it leads.
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: The Happy Families Podcast is produced by Justin Rawan from
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: Bridge Media. If you would like more info about making
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: your family happier, Happy families dot com dot au is
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: the website, or you can visit our social media doctor,
• 17:48
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