Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why The New Partner Isn't Getting A Better Version

Transcript

Why The New Partner Isn't Getting A Better Version · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Rock with me real quick y'all? Imagine this you're scrolling
• 0:03
  through social media and then you see it, Your eyes look, your
• 0:07
  eyes catch a glance. You're scrolling that night
• 0:10
  you're like Then your eyes do like this.
• 0:13
  Guess what you didn't saw the pictures, the smiles, the best
• 0:18
  life captions. You see it, You're looking at
• 0:22
  your ex's social media. You're pain shopping.
• 0:25
  You're looking at something Lee Hammock, the diagnosed
• 0:28
  narcissist told you not to do because he told you the
• 0:32
  manipulators will put stuff online to make it seem like
• 0:36
  they're happy. But you didn't listen, did you?
• 0:38
  You didn't listen, you didn't. You didn't listen to him.
• 0:41
  So now it feels like he got punched in the gut because it
• 0:44
  looks like the person that treated you so horribly has
• 0:47
  finally turned over a new leaf and changed for someone else.
• 0:52
  They're treating the new person better.
• 0:55
  They're treating they're giving the next person everything that
• 0:58
  you begged them for. It looks like they're finally
• 1:01
  happy, right? Like, and you're the only one
• 1:04
  who's left in pain. You're hurting, you're crying.
• 1:06
  Look, you, your, your stomach is in nuts.
• 1:08
  You got the bubble guts. You might even be Putin a little
• 1:11
  bit right? You might be be Putin a little
• 1:13
  bit right. Am I right?
• 1:14
  Am I right? And as a diagnosed narcissist,
• 1:17
  like I told you all before and plenty of other videos, it's all
• 1:21
  an act, right? It's all an act.
• 1:25
  I'm going to explain in this video why that new life that
• 1:29
  that theatrical performance that they're putting on social media,
• 1:32
  it's all a performance. And it's why the new person is
• 1:36
  not getting a better version of them.
• 1:39
  They're just getting the love bombing face.
• 1:41
  They're getting the first act, right?
• 1:44
  They're not getting the best version of the narcissist.
• 1:46
  They're getting the first act. They're getting who they're
• 1:49
  getting. They're putting the narcissist
• 1:50
  is putting their best foot forward.
• 1:53
  But it's a peg leg They put. They put that.
• 1:55
  They put that peg leg forward. Excuse me?
• 1:57
  Yeah. And I told you all the time
• 2:01
  narcissist post on social media like their exes are watching
• 2:05
  them. They, even if you're not
• 2:08
  watching them, they're posting it like you are.
• 2:11
  Their audience is you. Like they, they, they like they
• 2:15
  are living their life like their life is a movie theater, right?
• 2:19
  And the only person sitting in that movie theater is you.
• 2:24
  Like it's you. Of course this stuff is making
• 2:26
  the new partner feel amazing. Of course this stuff is making a
• 2:29
  new partner get fall more and more in love with them right?
• 2:33
  That's why I keep saying like it it it it, it is.
• 2:36
  This is why sometimes you will feel the need like you.
• 2:39
  I need to reach out to this new person and tell them what
• 2:41
  they're what's going to happen to them.
• 2:43
  They don't want to hear it. They're getting love bombed
• 2:46
  right? They're getting love bombed.
• 2:50
  So I'm posting this stuff online.
• 2:51
  You're seeing it and it's hurting your feelings.
• 2:53
  It's making them feel amazing and the goal a lot of times
• 2:56
  y'all, like I said, is to hurt your feelings.
• 2:59
  And if I can make you believe that I am thriving without you,
• 3:04
  I still have power and control over your emotions.
• 3:07
  I am in control of you. If I can look, if I can make you
• 3:11
  cry without not being around you, if I can make you cry from
• 3:15
  a Snapchat or Instagram post or Instagram story, I'm in control.
• 3:20
  That narcissistic person, that manipulator, that toxic person,
• 3:23
  they're in control. Like I said, the happiness that
• 3:26
  you're seeing, it's not about the new connection.
• 3:28
  It's about trying to get a reaction from you.
• 3:30
  Sometimes, right? And sometimes you do react.
• 3:33
  And that's why I tell people to not you have to control your
• 3:39
  reactions because the more you react, the more they're going to
• 3:43
  post it. The more reactions you give, the
• 3:46
  more I'm going to post. That's it.
• 3:49
  You're like I said, you are watching the love bombing phase
• 3:52
  and y'all know the love bombing is damn near like a free trial.
• 3:57
  The love bombing with a narcissist, it really is a free
• 4:00
  trial. Like it could be a 30 day trial,
• 4:01
  it could be a 90 day trial. I don't know how long it lasts,
• 4:03
  right? It lasts as long as it lasts.
• 4:05
  But it is a free trial period to the narcissist and the most
• 4:08
  people buy it because the trial period is amazing, right?
• 4:12
  Unless you've had experience with a narcissistic person
• 4:14
  before, then you don't buy it, right?
• 4:15
  You just like, hey, look, seven days is over.
• 4:17
  Thanks narcissist Netflix. No, and y'all know in the
• 4:22
  beginning of a relationship, everyone is going to be on their
• 4:25
  best behavior. That's what I told y'all.
• 4:27
  It's not just narcissist or toxic people.
• 4:29
  Everybody's on their best behavior.
• 4:31
  You want if you like this person, you want them to fall
• 4:33
  for you, you're going to be on your best behavior.
• 4:35
  So when you are deciding, so you're watching that social
• 4:38
  media and you're getting angry and you're hurting your feelings
• 4:41
  like sometimes you might be can feel compelled to reach out to
• 4:44
  them or to the new supply and guess what's going to happen?
• 4:47
  You can reach out to them or the person that they're dating or
• 4:49
  seeing right now and that's what's going to make you look
• 4:51
  obsessive. That's going to make you look
• 4:53
  crazy. Oops, Lee, too late.
• 4:55
  I already did it. You can't take it back, right?
• 5:00
  You already did it. Don't do it again.
• 5:02
  Don't do it again because what ends up happening, y'all in the
• 5:05
  just free trial period I'm giving or the narcissistic
• 5:09
  person, they're giving the last person, the new person,
• 5:11
  everything that you wanted because I know you wanted it.
• 5:14
  I know you're looking. You wanted me to go on a hike
• 5:17
  with you and I told you, I told you I hated hiking.
• 5:20
  Guess what? Now I got some hookahs on and
• 5:22
  I'm hiking. I'm hiking with the new person,
• 5:26
  right? They study, I'm studying the new
• 5:28
  person just like I studied you. And like I said, I'm, I'm
• 5:32
  becoming exactly who they need me to be.
• 5:36
  I'm becoming exactly who I need to be in order to get this
• 5:39
  person to fall for me. And just like it happened to
• 5:41
  you, this and some of y'all in this, some of y'all have been in
• 5:44
  a scenario before where you have been in the new supply and their
• 5:47
  love bombing you and hurting the last person that they were with.
• 5:50
  Because the last person, that person that they were with
• 5:53
  reaches out to you and you didn't want to hear it either,
• 5:55
  right? You don't want to hear it when
• 5:57
  the new part, when the last person reached out to you say,
• 5:58
  hey, my ex, you're dating my ex right now and they're a
• 6:02
  narcissist or they're a horrible, they're an abuser and
• 6:04
  they're treating you horribly. You're lying.
• 6:06
  You're lying on the beach somewhere.
• 6:08
  Like I want to hear this. I'm on the beach blocked, right?
• 6:11
  But when that mask comes off, you know it comes off.
• 6:15
  So the same patterns that ended up breaking your relationship
• 6:18
  are going to break the new relationship typically, but it
• 6:21
  doesn't mean the relationship is going to end.
• 6:23
  Broken relationships last for a very long time.
• 6:27
  A broken relationship can last for a very long time.
• 6:29
  There's people that I talked to before when I'm doing my Zoom
• 6:32
  coaching, my phone calls or whatnot and my Telegram
• 6:34
  messaging. Now they have, I have Telegram
• 6:36
  text coaching now as well, right?
• 6:39
  When I'm doing that, there's people that I talked to that
• 6:41
  have been with these folks for 20 years and they got cheated on
• 6:44
  the first year, they got cheated on the 1st every year for the
• 6:47
  1st 10 years they got cheated on.
• 6:48
  That's what they say. So broken relationships do last,
• 6:51
  right? But you have to think about it.
• 6:53
  Think about it like this too as well right here.
• 6:54
  Y'all think about it, close your eyes, think about this.
• 6:58
  Truly happy people are busy being happy.
• 7:02
  They are. They are not busy proving it to
• 7:05
  a camera. They're not busy snapping it and
• 7:06
  posting it on social media. Truly happy people forget to
• 7:09
  take their phones out to take a picture of a a happy moment
• 7:12
  because you're happy with your person.
• 7:13
  You're living in a moment. They're not posting the first
• 7:16
  date. And just like first date, love
• 7:18
  first date. I already love them.
• 7:20
  No, who? Nobody's doing that now.
• 7:23
  All their relationships out there that have started like
• 7:25
  that and have worked out, yeah, possibly they're those.
• 7:28
  Those do happen. But those are more, more than
• 7:31
  likely the those are more than likely the what do you call it?
• 7:37
  The exception, not the rule. Some people do make it through
• 7:42
  and end up with these people and get married and engage whatever
• 7:44
  very, very early on. But those are the exception, not
• 7:48
  the rule. That's why I need y'all to
• 7:49
  understand, right, that the exception, not the rule.
• 7:52
  Y'all be like this, the rule late.
• 7:54
  No, it's the exception. It's not the rule.
• 7:57
  Seriously, take your time. I tell people, take your time.
• 8:00
  If you feel like if this thing, if you, if the exes reach out to
• 8:04
  you or multiple exes have reached out to you, everybody
• 8:06
  ain't hating on you. Everybody is not hating on you
• 8:10
  because that narcissistic person is overcompensating for
• 8:13
  something while posting everything online.
• 8:15
  They want an audience. Ask yourself why y'all just had
• 8:18
  your second date and they're posting you on their story and
• 8:20
  holding hands and stuff like that.
• 8:22
  Ask yourself that question right there because they are trying to
• 8:25
  they're they are performing for somebody else.
• 8:28
  Again, that move, use that movie theater.
• 8:30
  They think that somebody else is watching their life living
• 8:32
  vicariously, vicariously, vicariously through them and
• 8:36
  what not. Y'all, you have to watch out
• 8:38
  like that. I tell you, don't go paint
• 8:40
  shopping. Don't go hurting your own
• 8:43
  feelings. If they have moved on or you
• 8:44
  hear it that they have a new supply, why are you consistently
• 8:47
  looking at their social media for that just ends up giving you
• 8:50
  a confirmation bias about hurting your feelings.
• 8:53
  They give you the confirmation bias about they, they told you
• 8:56
  that you were the problem and the reason that they refuse to
• 8:58
  do things with you is because it's your fault.
• 9:00
  You're going to look at the social media page and think, Oh
• 9:02
  yeah, that is true, that is my fault because they didn't give
• 9:05
  me what I needed. I didn't, I wasn't the right
• 9:06
  person. They treated me horribly and
• 9:08
  it's my fault. No, that's going to make you
• 9:10
  think that you were actually the problem.
• 9:12
  And guess who wins in that situation?
• 9:14
  Guess who is victorious in the situation?
• 9:16
  Damn. Damn, y'all.
• 9:18
  So you have to stop paying shopping.
• 9:23
  You have got to fight the urge from looking at their social
• 9:26
  media accounts. You have got to do that right
• 9:28
  there. Right.
• 9:29
  And that's part of my Telegram texting as well.
• 9:31
  If you want to text that narcissist, the person to send
• 9:33
  them something, you can send it to me instead and get a response
• 9:35
  from a narcissist that's not trying to hurt you.
• 9:37
  Right. Like it's in the bio that
• 9:39
  happens to the yard. Like the Telegram coaching is
• 9:41
  good. Yeah.
• 9:42
  Yeah, my first couple. We are talking about it right
• 9:44
  now. First couple of people, not
• 9:46
  first couple. I know somebody I would like
• 9:47
  first couple, me and me. And my partner tells you no, I
• 9:51
  can't do that. But y'all have to close down the
• 9:54
  theater just like those movies. Y'all see the movie theaters
• 9:57
  being closed down all the time in your small town.
• 9:59
  Like in regional North Carolina, you used to close the theaters.
• 10:01
  Now I'm from Reedsville, North Carolina.
• 10:03
  Y'all shout out to Reedsville Rams class, O3, Ram Pride, you
• 10:07
  know, Blue Death, you know. But yeah, you have to close down
• 10:10
  the theater. You got to stop being in the
• 10:13
  audience or just stop showing up.
• 10:14
  You don't have to close the theater down.
• 10:15
  Stop showing up, let the movie play.
• 10:16
  Nobody's there. Because as long as you are
• 10:19
  watching the show, you're giving them supply.
• 10:22
  It's going to, it's going to sound weird, but you're giving
• 10:23
  them a form of narcissistic supply by watching them do this
• 10:27
  type of stuff and then reaching out and hurting your own
• 10:29
  feelings or reaching out to their friends or their family
• 10:31
  members or your friends or your family members.
• 10:33
  And they get it gets back to the narcissistic person.
• 10:35
  They like that type of stuff, so they're going to keep doing it.
• 10:38
  They're going to keep performing.
• 10:39
  They're going to keep posting more pictures.
• 10:40
  They're going to get engaged fast and married fast and having
• 10:42
  a baby very fast. They're going to hurt all that's
• 10:44
  going to hurt you. Stop looking for the cracks in
• 10:47
  the mask and start looking at your own life.
• 10:49
  Y'all seriously, the performance the, the this type of stuff only
• 10:52
  works is if you're watching it. I promise you it only works if
• 10:55
  you're sitting in the front row. Don't do that.
• 10:58
  Like I said right there, y'all, if you were just itching to text
• 11:01
  them or send them a hateful, angry message, you can send it
• 11:04
  to me via Telegram. I have my Telegram coaching
• 11:06
  packages and stuff like that. I have a week and also have a
• 11:09
  month package the whole month. That's a long time.
• 11:12
  But like yeah there's limited slots available for that as
• 11:14
  well. Y'all also do zoom coaching and
• 11:16
  one-on-one coaching? You can find a link in a bio for
• 11:18
  that as well. Or go to
• 11:19
  mentalillnessmentalillness.net for every all things Lee
• 11:23
  hammock. If you're New York City, scroll
• 11:25
  to the bottom. Get registered for my June 2nd
• 11:27
  event, New York City June 2nd. I will see out there Mental
• 11:30
  illness.net/events. Register now and I'll see you
• 11:33
  later. Peace.