Latest / Be It Till You See It / 596. The Truth About People Pleasing and Control

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596. The Truth About People Pleasing and Control · Be It Till You See It

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: She advocates for affirmations that acknowledge the gap between who I think I am now and who I need to be in order to accomplish this.
• 0:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I want to be this type of person.
• 0:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: I will become this type of person, right?
• 0:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: I am becoming this type of person.
• 0:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the be it till you see it podcast, where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring.
• 0:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm also Logan, prize instructor and fitness business coach.
• 0:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've trained thousands of people around the world, and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt.
• 0:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: My friends, action brings clarity.
• 0:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: and it's the antidote to fear.
• 0:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Each week, my guests will bring bold, executable, intrinsic, and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and be it until you see it.
• 0:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a practice, not a perfect, let's get started.
• 0:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to the vehicle you see interview recap of my course on my Fred and I going to dig into the Candid combo I have with Amber Furman on our last episode if you haven't you like listen to that one you Are going to need to listen to that one because I'm stumbling over my words day.
• 1:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a great It's so good.
• 1:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's so fun and it was nice.
• 1:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is local and I hope really like be on her podcast So you're gonna want to listen to it whether you listen to it first or last I mean there's it's really okay.
• 1:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think in life to
• 1:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: hear the end name and then watch the show.
• 1:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes I do that with my TV because I just want to know if I'm like, oh, like if I'm like rooting for a villain or not, I just want to know.
• 1:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: We got it.
• 1:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I got it.
• 1:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I got it.
• 1:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I got to have that information now.
• 1:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 1:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: She's not like.
• 1:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: She's literally does this.
• 1:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, you know what?
• 1:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Tell me.
• 1:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Bands would like drop just like a single song, but you'd go buy the whole album without listening to it.
• 1:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you, in fact, knew there's one song I've been a love on this.
• 1:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think there's a difference between the teaser of something and the ending conclusion in it.
• 1:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: These are the teasers.
• 1:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then recap episode is teasers.
• 1:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're taking a talking point each.
• 2:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: right and of the many talking points that they had.
• 2:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's like two things.
• 2:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know what that has to do with going and watching the end of a TV show before you start the TV show.
• 2:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's the conclusion versus a teaser.
• 2:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a sample.
• 2:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a sample.
• 2:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 2:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a sample.
• 2:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 2:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a sample.
• 2:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 2:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: It just happens to be the ending sample.
• 2:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, well today is October 30th and we decided we want to talk about tomorrow because tomorrow is Halloween and I I don't know about you, but I grew up first I went to some churches where Halloween was like just the evilest thing you couldn't even go trick or treating.
• 2:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Did you ever go to a church like that like we're like they'd even Okay, your church is all ways trick or treat it.
• 2:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
• 2:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so I did not experience that all of my childhood, but then some churches we could totally trick or treat, and then there were some churches where you could trick or treat, but like people like Westman, you know.
• 2:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: They whispered about trick or treating.
• 2:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: At any rate, they were like, we're doing it.
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: What no one talks about is how this holiday had nothing to do with the churches.
• 2:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't even Halloween, it was about something else.
• 2:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we decided to tell you about the true history of Halloween.
• 3:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, yeah, it's actually like cultural warfare.
• 3:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know, like, it's a kind of appropriation.
• 3:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, well, they, yes, they're appropriated the time and they renamed it.
• 3:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so we'll talk about that.
• 3:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so, did many, many holidays were done this way.
• 3:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, Halloween originated from the ancient Celtic festival of so-on, right?
• 3:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: Sam Hane.
• 3:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, no.
• 3:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: In the thing we looked up, it literally said to how to say it pronounced so in.
• 3:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: So Sam Hain is found so in.
• 3:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's spelled Sam.
• 3:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: You got that right.
• 3:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hain, but it's used to say it, it's so in.
• 3:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let me go back to my sheet.
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 3:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: a three day celebration held over 2,000 years ago that marked the end of the harvest season and the beginning of the dark cold winter.
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: Are you going to just sorry, just take an over right there.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: All right, you're going.
• 3:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, thank you so much.
• 3:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so the like,
• 3:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's the Celts, believe that this was a time when the boundary between the world of the living and the dead blurt, allowing spirits to roam the earth.
• 4:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Toward off harmful spirits and guide benevolent ones, they lit bonfires, work costumes and left offerings and a food outside their homes.
• 4:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Pause!
• 4:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Just so you know, also an October in Cambodia?
• 4:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: They do something called Chompen and Chompen.
• 4:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Chompen, it is a almost month-long celebration in parts of the country, but for sure, a three-day celebration where everyone no one works, including in the tourist city of seam rape or only going to find X-Bat to work, okay?
• 4:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're not gonna find a single Cambodian working and they don't get dressed up, but they celebrate and they do all these things.
• 4:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: So like, that is awesome.
• 4:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: But jump in is a Buddhist holiday that is celebrate every year where they believe that the souls of their ancestors are released for 15 days.
• 4:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: So that they can basically stay with family.
• 4:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's really cool people like we'll travel on a moto for 11 hours to go with family.
• 4:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's freaking crazy, but I just want to say like how cool like even across the world, the same with similar thing was happening.
• 5:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: So to word off harmful spirits and guide benevolent ones.
• 5:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: They already said that.
• 5:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it lit bonfires, more costumes and left offerings, which is actually like,
• 5:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: it trickles down over the, you know, millennia and the ancient custom, those ancient customs kind of evolved into what are now trick-or-treating costumes, the decorations, and parties celebrated for modern hell.
• 5:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: We don't like bonfires and, you know, that kind of a thing.
• 5:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, because if you did, people are going to think that you're a witch, but you can actually to say, no, I'm celebrating, I say it, so I'm celebrating, so I'm celebrating, so I'm okay.
• 5:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: So the, oh, one more thing on this, the Roman and Christian influence after the Romans conquered the Celtic lands, Roman festivals like Varalia and Pomona were incorporated into, so in traditions, later the Catholic Church established all Saints Day on November 1st and all Souls Day on November 2nd, making October 31st, all Hallows Eaves.
• 5:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: which means hallowed or holy, right?
• 6:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: So they just- Yeah, so they just stole it.
• 6:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, just free name and things over here.
• 6:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if you don't like that I'm harping on the church, you know what?
• 6:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes we have to accept the responsibility of people from our past, every fucking group of people has done something wrong.
• 6:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: But it's more important to be educated and understand.
• 6:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you love Halloween, I love that for you.
• 6:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I decided to get into Halloween-ish this year.
• 6:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I got Witchy Nails, which are not
• 6:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: then for this recording, but just check out my Instagram, they're witching nails for me anyways.
• 6:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when I, because I just have like, remember when I know, why is anybody like this holiday?
• 6:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: But now that I like know the history of it and what it was for, I actually can get down with it.
• 6:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, we're not, it also marks like, it's actually the end of a season.
• 6:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 6:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: Going into the next season.
• 6:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: So it was the end of harvest.
• 6:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: So imagine.
• 6:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, imagine you just spent all season, like, you know, really digging in on the harvest and now it's time to party and there's a new season coming.
• 7:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I feel like it all kind of goes together.
• 7:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: And also like, I mean, just imagine a couple thousand years ago, like life was so hard and I also disign the more you look the celebrations that they had.
• 7:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: It really was like taking a pause of the hard work of life.
• 7:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 7:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And doing some sort of way to celebrate that and we don't do that around here.
• 7:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: We just like keep working through all the things and like at least in the States maybe you take off a couple days for the actual holidays and so I just I feel like this is a holiday that has a lot more history to it and and I and I kind of like what that history is it's really beautiful and what a great way to spend time with family and past loved ones and also like let's not forget.
• 7:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I'm execo, they do data smertest, which is on November 1st, right?
• 7:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, it's a big celebration of that.
• 7:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, there's a lot of different cultures that celebrate the people that have come before them and spend time together.
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And there's all the stuff.
• 7:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: So anyways, just think about that.
• 7:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Think about the blah, blah, when you had and celebrate the harvesting you did and report back.
• 8:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 8:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, less than I've been back from Cambodia and Singapore now for a week and a half, yeah.
• 8:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it's just always so refreshing for us to get back to our second family over there, you know, people that we love, the places that we love to be in, the environment over there is just it's so magical.
• 8:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: And we would love to have you join us next year, but get on the wait list because there's limited amount of spots.
• 8:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: We're going to be going in October of next year, but we're going to be announcing all of that in January.
• 8:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: So go to Cros, Nestor Treats.com to get on the wait list for information about the upcoming trip for 2026.
• 8:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: We're only going one time next year, only going one time next year.
• 8:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: We're only going one time next year.
• 8:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to convince you.
• 8:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: Just letting everyone know because a lot of people have said, Oh, I'll come with you in the spring.
• 8:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: And we are knowing in the spring.
• 8:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: We are only going to fall next year.
• 8:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: So side note and probably the year after that, I just have to say to you.
• 9:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: October 1st, we already rolled out our tour.
• 9:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Go to opc.me slash events to join us for the opc winter tour.
• 9:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: We're going to drive in all around the United States of America.
• 9:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: We're going to be going from Vegas all the way up the boss and down to Miami and back.
• 9:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's going to be something like 24 25 locations.
• 9:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: kind of insane.
• 9:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: We're very excited about it.
• 9:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: We are going to be even bigger.
• 9:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to studios.
• 9:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: We've not been to and have been excited.
• 9:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: They've been on the list for a while.
• 9:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 9:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: These are human beings that like, we have literally been like, how do we make sure we just see them again?
• 9:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: Uh, but you can find out all the specifics where we're stopping go to opc.me slash events chances are high that some locations may already be sold out.
• 9:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's been for a month because it's been out for a month.
• 9:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, uh, but go check it out opc.me slash tour then in January where you teach in.
• 9:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: We'll be at the Pillai's Journal, their first ever event in the U.S.
• 9:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: It will be a Heinton Beach.
• 9:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you go to xxll.co slash Pillai's Journal, you can get your tickets.
• 9:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: Pillai's Journal Expo.
• 10:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, so Pillai's Journal is a Pillai's Journal.
• 10:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's a magazine.
• 10:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: And they... Three by the way.
• 10:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: Is it?
• 10:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's so cool.
• 10:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: The Journal, they release his free.
• 10:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I love that.
• 10:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I always assumed I just was given it for free.
• 10:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
• 10:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then in February, we're going to host an agency mini that is our business coaching program for Polis instructors and studio owners and you're going to want to go to prfit.bus slash mini sets profit without the oh dot b i z slash mini to go on the wait list also probably in January ish they'll be a lot in the wait list people get the best discount.
• 11:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm just saying
• 11:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: In March, we're going to two places in Europe.
• 11:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: We'll be in Poland at the Poladies, the Polencontrology Prize Conference.
• 11:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: So go to xxl.co.sashpollum by the way.
• 11:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm doing that with Karen Firstman and so if you like me and you're in the light Karen, I'm just going to tell you right now, she's like, she's pretty good.
• 11:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's extremely smart, extremely knowledgeable and like, I feel like, like,
• 11:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: you know how there's like the pop band and then there's like the like Uber rock like it just has done been doing music for decades and like they're just like that's what it is.
• 11:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if you don't know Karen I promise you're going to love Karen and if you know Karen then what do you wait for the two puzzle together so you can like knock it out one weekend or go into Brussels xxll.co slash Brussels will be at L's studio there in Brussels and we're very excited about
• 11:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: but same teacher.
• 11:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: So here, as long as you'd love Karen and I, or one of us, you're going to have a great lineup, just pick the one that works the best for you.
• 11:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then we will practice going to take me on a second honeymoon.
• 12:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then we are going to land and arrive at POT in London.
• 12:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't have a link for you, but you could just Google POT.
• 12:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Elsebody's POT London, it will come up.
• 12:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: They have amazing SEO.
• 12:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're really good with they do.
• 12:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you can snag your spot.
• 12:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is limited and it sells out every year.
• 12:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: So there you go.
• 12:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Before we get into this amazing interview, Amber, what is our question this week?
• 12:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: Mary Star Pilates asks, hey Leslie, do you still do your continued education, teacher training program work?
• 12:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Can I find information on that?
• 12:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you so much.
• 12:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm assuming she's talking about LVAT.
• 12:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I did clarify and the answer is yes, is that I'm not my mentorship room for Pilates and Structors.
• 12:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you have to have you have to have done a comprehensive program in that like you should have been trained on the mat reformer Cadillac or tower and chair right the one to chair.
• 12:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Of course, I'd love it if you wish I had my barrels, but like I'm not worried about you being overwhelmed by the fifth weekend.
• 13:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: But you need, and then you have to have access to a mat, a reformer, a tower, a chair, and a barrel.
• 13:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you don't have to have a full studio access.
• 13:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't have a classical effect.
• 13:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: I work with both, vastly training, and contemporary trained people who are classically curious.
• 13:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Classical people who feel like they were taught this rigid, you know, Colty perfect way of doing Pilates, and they would like to have a little bit more fun.
• 13:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we just really break down and ditch perfection and get really excited about what Joe gave us and with the intentions were and free you from thinking you need to have a million fucking cues all the time.
• 13:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And also really help you with your own personal practice, help you with seeing, help you with patience in your teaching.
• 13:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And see if you go to lesleylogan.co slash elevate.
• 13:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: you can learn more about it.
• 13:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you do the same exact URL, but add weightless to it.
• 13:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: So less of Logan, co slash elevate weightless.
• 13:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can get on the weightless for the next one because this upcoming, what year are we in right now?
• 13:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: So 2026 is next year is sold out, sold out.
• 14:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can reach out to us.
• 14:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: You never know what might happen, but 2027 is where we're already.
• 14:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're actually already taking people, taking applications, selling spots.
• 14:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: The reality is mentorship programs like this.
• 14:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have friends who have one who are five years booked in the future.
• 14:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going out that far.
• 14:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm kind of a year in advance kind of person, but if you know you want it, then you can plan ahead.
• 14:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that's what I would say.
• 14:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, awesome.
• 14:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, stick around.
• 14:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: We'll be.
• 14:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, go to the next slide.
• 14:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 14:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: You got a question.
• 14:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: You got a question.
• 14:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 14:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: You have to join us for all these questions.
• 14:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: Your participation is required or we don't get to ask answer your questions.
• 14:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: So three went out 95 55 34 hit us up or fun questions.
• 14:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want, I want relationship questions.
• 14:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 14:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want family questions.
• 14:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want career questions.
• 14:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want some other questions.
• 14:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: She wants some juicy questions.
• 14:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want, I want, I want, I want, I also want the gossip that comes with the question.
• 14:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: So send that.
• 14:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: You can be anonymous.
• 14:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: Go to be at pod.com slash questions where you can leave a win or a question.
• 15:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for that.
• 15:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: Stick around.
• 15:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'll move you right back.
• 15:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: We're going to talk about Amber Furman.
• 15:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: Amber Furman is a recovering perfectionist and people pleasure and an attorney who now works as a coach human behavior expert and podcaster.
• 15:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: as a certified trainer of neurolinguistic programming or NLP and host of the more than corporate podcast.
• 15:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: She blends her legal background with mindset and performance coaching to help high achievers push past limiting beliefs and perfectionism.
• 15:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: And after years of leaving success was about money and titles, Amber's redefined at his freedom, choice, and building a life that truly feels fulfilling.
• 15:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: A lot of relation like a related ability here.
• 15:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right, no.
• 15:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: Her story and just
• 15:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: another guess where it's like oh we're like just on the same we're on the same wantitude you know just a different latitude like she's doing something very similar like it's we're on the same wantitude but a different latitude you know like like Joe Allen was doing similar things with the orthodontists and we do what we do for Pilis instructors and studios and she does what she does for like other professional it's just
• 16:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Very cool, but also I love how our lives can bring a different lens to a different focus to what we do.
• 16:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we, I really appreciate her willingness and interest in like, we talk about people pleasing and we've had a bunch of stuff, but I've just really got excited about talking about people pleasing because like how many of our listeners, how many people do we know that are doing things that are people pleasing?
• 16:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, I thought her definition of it was people pleasing is when
• 16:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: you consider other people's feelings before you consider your own.
• 16:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I thought that was interesting.
• 16:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Especially because, you know, and then you all talked about how... Yeah, I also think that some people, please, are, it's just another form of control.
• 16:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: By the way, you can also be a good controlling people's emotions as well.
• 16:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or the outcome of people's emotions.
• 16:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: But she clarified that not people pleasing doesn't mean being an asshole.
• 16:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: right just for the purpose of being an asshole like it's about instead of being authentic and speaking your truth so meaning like a lot of people will go to dinner with a family member on Thursday to people please rather than which is authentic by the way because you don't want to be there you're going to be somewhere else so you're actually that's kind of if you're more of an asshole if you're people placing could you're not an authentic I think that's we should re-define people placing as being an asshole a non-authentic person
• 17:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: not authentic person.
• 17:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so she advised like what you can do and you're not people pleasing is like where are the actions that I took in alignment with who I want to be as a human.
• 17:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: So meaning you decided to not people please someone had a reaction that was not something that you like like all that they're upset that you're not doing the thing for them.
• 17:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so like you get to ask yourself where are the actions that I took in alignment with who I want to be as a human being?
• 17:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: If the answer is yes, then I will not apologize when I'm a 100% alignment with my actions, and you can understand that and accept me for am or you don't accept me.
• 17:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: And like that is really hard for a lot of people because like, I'm gonna lose people.
• 17:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: You guys grow a lot to lose people in our life.
• 17:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: We just are and it's going to happen like it's impossible to keep everyone happy with you all of the time.
• 18:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's just not there's no way that it's going to even be a possibility.
• 18:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so if you are, if you are actually being authentic and alignment with how you feel and you speak that and someone doesn't like it, you are not in the wrong.
• 18:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're also, by the way, they might not even be in the wrong way.
• 18:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, look, you could be in the wrong, but if you are doing this to protect yourself or to stop people pleasing, this is when you have to ask yourself these questions.
• 18:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, where the actions I took in alignment with who I want to be as a human, if that's the case, then you can confidently move forward knowing that you weren't doing it to hurt them.
• 18:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 18:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: You were doing it to uphold your own values.
• 18:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right, so if you were doing it to hurt them, then don't be an asshole.
• 18:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: But if you're doing it to uphold your own values, that's different.
• 18:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're doing it to hurt them, sorry, you are mean and asshole.
• 18:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, sure.
• 18:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I just think that the more we can understand ourselves at the recovering people places that we are, these are going to be conversations you have to have with yourself.
• 19:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're going to have to chit chat with yourself about like, okay, but give yourself a pep talk.
• 19:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to be this person who speaks my heart, who shares how I feel, who's honest with how and will, I will spend time with people.
• 19:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that is going to upset some people who would like me to have more of me or have me at this thing, but I'm not in the wrong.
• 19:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not an asshole.
• 19:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm being authentic.
• 19:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: And like, they will either come around or they won't.
• 19:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I really liked when she was talking about the toxic positivity, like fake until you make it.
• 19:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: where she was talking about, she basically, I just, she was so frustrated about the idea of it and she was like, don't ever put me in a room with people who believe that's because she's gonna lose her shit.
• 19:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wanna be in that room, actually, is that terrible?
• 19:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: I would like her to like,
• 19:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's such a good person with words.
• 19:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: I would love this.
• 19:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And she's a lawyer to show good articulation.
• 19:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: She talked about she talked about you can't lie to yourself and convince you like you can but there's dissidents that's happening when you're lying yourself in that way and she said the brain doesn't like distance between what is being said and what is.
• 20:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: truly believed so you know she said instead of doing that instead of being like I'm amazing I'm beautiful in the mirror every morning kind of a thing she said she advocates for affirmations that acknowledge the gap between who I think I am now and who I need to be in order to accomplish that you know I want to be this type of person I will become this type of person right I am becoming this type of person right that's different than you know like people do I am I am rich
• 20:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: But if you're like barely able to pay your bills, like the brain is that is not helpful.
• 20:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I am becoming rich or I make decisions that are going to make me rich.
• 20:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I do decisions and make me rich.
• 20:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am on my way to abundance.
• 20:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: I am, you know, yeah, I like that.
• 20:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so it's nuanced.
• 20:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's nuanced here, you know, but I, but I actually appreciated that.
• 20:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that's a cool way to adjust it because sometimes it does feel fake and
• 21:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: even in life.
• 21:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: I have a hard time embracing that too, so I get that.
• 21:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, because scientifically, like in behavior science, like the brain is like dissonance, right?
• 21:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: So B.J.
• 21:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Fogg, his sister, she was talking about how, you know, one of the habits B.J.
• 21:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: likes to get people to start with for me in his book.
• 21:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like,
• 21:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Every day you get a bed you put your feet on the floor.
• 21:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like everybody does this.
• 21:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can literally start a habit tomorrow morning You put your feet on the floor at you say today is gonna be amazing or you can say I'm amazing But like usually he would say today's me amazing day and then you stand up and like you like still you want and like it's a great first Habit's a great way to start the day and she and like talked was just like yeah, so my husband died
• 21:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And our day of his funeral, I'm not going to put my feet on the foregoat today's me amazing day, because the brain isn't like dissonance and that's going to screw the habit up, right?
• 21:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because it's going to be like, oh, this is not real.
• 21:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: So what she said is today is going to be as good as it can be.
• 21:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right, and that's an honest thing.
• 22:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think we're she's an affirmation, you know, like still is putting you on like a path to see the good in the day without it being toxic positivity is like it's an, and so I, I actually really appreciated that because we taught we have a lot of people about like affirmation and mantras and hers is like, yeah, so have ones that are that are actually helping you be it to you see it not that are lying to you about what you are.
• 22:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's not going to help you helpful.
• 22:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's just super cool.
• 22:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I listen before I was on her podcast,
• 22:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: because I met her in person for the podcast.
• 22:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: I listened to several of her episodes, and I was just like, I feel like I'm learning so much.
• 22:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: But that's cool.
• 22:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 22:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you don't have to put her on faster speed.
• 22:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's gonna be really honest.
• 22:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can put it on a regular speed, because I had it on one point seven, but I was like, maybe I'll take that down a little bit.
• 22:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like listening to me.
• 22:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's hilarious.
• 22:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, stick around.
• 22:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: We'll be right back.
• 22:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: We're going to dig in at those be it action items.
• 22:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: You have an amber ferman in just a minute.
• 22:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: All right.
• 22:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: Welcome back.
• 22:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: So finally, what be it action items?
• 22:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: Can we take away from your combo with amber?
• 23:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I said that differently this time.
• 23:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: For those of you who say it along with me, say it along with me, what bold, executable intrinsic or targeted action games can we take away from your convoy with Amber Furman, she said, hey, when you are struggling with overthinking or in terror, you are struggling with intense emotions, this is really cool, y'all.
• 23:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: She's a created SOS list, meaning the list of people that you are
• 23:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: flashing the SOS sign to right and this list is just two or three trusted people who you can reach out to and they can be your gauge for you right that they can help you when you know your spiraling out like if if you know
• 23:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: For example, if you are like an overthinker and you can't put it into action and you recognize, I'm overthinking again.
• 23:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not acting.
• 23:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: I needed to actually just get started.
• 23:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: You can text your SOS list, but first ask them if they're willing to be on it.
• 23:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: But you can develop a specific predetermined SOS phrase like Amber said, I'm stuck at the airport, right?
• 24:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: And for her being stuck at the airport is like she's prepping, she's prepping, she's prepping, she's never taken off.
• 24:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: She's never taken off, she's always stuck at the airport.
• 24:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: So she said, explain what the SOS phrase means to you and clarify that if you send that message to your people on the SOS list, it really means I need somebody to check in on me right now.
• 24:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: So for example, you know, I imagine it may change over time, you know, what does your SOS mean, right, especially when Amber's partner died, I imagine it was a, you know, a different reason to be
• 24:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: reaching out.
• 24:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Then now where she's, you know, it's been a couple of years and she's moving on and she's running a company and things like that.
• 24:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, so she said it really will help you have somebody check in on you who who you trust to understand like I need help right now.
• 24:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: So when you find yourself in those over a moment, send an SOS to your list and she said the decision to ask for help actually allows your brain to see solutions.
• 25:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, even if they don't get back to instantaneously, it will put you on a different path to see solutions, particularly helpful for recovering perfectionists who find out really hard to say, I actually need some help right now.
• 25:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.
• 25:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: So really cool idea.
• 25:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Something has nothing to do with what we're talking about now.
• 25:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right now, but my brain went to this person, somebody in China bought a first class ticket to some Chinese airline, which means that you get to eat in the first class lounge for you take off.
• 25:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: And because it's the first class ticket, it's like fully refundable and transferable.
• 25:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: So for 300 times, 300 meals,
• 25:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Eat for free and then reschedule their ticket and they do this 300 times before anyone's like What is this person?
• 25:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do I?
• 25:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: So talk about being stuck at the airport
• 25:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I just thought, is the food that good because the actual like going to an airport getting into a first class lounge is so annoying.
• 26:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: Even the food at the Centurion Lange, it's good, but I wouldn't say it's right.
• 26:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: And also, not all Centurion Lange is our credit equal.
• 26:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I like ours, but the LA one you can get it together as can you, JFK, to say it.
• 26:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 26:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 26:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Bye, big
• 26:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Recognize you have complete control over your daily decisions.
• 26:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: You've complete control over your daily decisions, I think we like to outsource decisions like I can't do that because X, Y, and Z, but you have complete control over your daily decisions.
• 26:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you're unhappy, you have to dig into the decisions you're making to create that situation.
• 26:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Are you saying yes to things you should be saying no to are you staying up late the night before so you feel like shit in the morning right so understand a voice decision is still a decision.
• 26:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, a voice decision is still a decision and make different choices to change your outcomes.
• 26:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: She also said, I think that's been the biggest thing that has changed my stress level is that I would avoid making a decision but in the back of my mind it was still I knew I had to address this thing whatever this thing would be it didn't matter when it was like I might like just be unwilling to open a text message from somebody because I knew it was going to launch a whole thing I got to go down this thing and and then I would push it off and then.
• 27:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, or it's like email inbox kind of stuff too, like avoid it, avoid it until it's like an actual problem.
• 27:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 27:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that was one of the biggest changes was making the decision to stop avoiding things and to just hug a cactus as it were.
• 27:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I love that.
• 27:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think I think acknowledging that avoiding a decision is actually still a decision that was super helpful for me.
• 27:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And she said, consider her 90-day success, jumpstart training, or join her free, break your bullshit box community.
• 27:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I, and that's on Facebook a few, if you go there.
• 27:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've been honest on, when I'm basically the other day, and I was like, oh, wow, look at all these people I can unfollow.
• 28:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for acknowledging yourself, sir, and sir, and you.
• 28:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: So anyways, but I just thought this is such a bright, wonderful, honest, and maybe a little, maybe a little cold out.
• 28:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe a little cold out.
• 28:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you need to because you got a breakable shit.
• 28:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, you're bullshit.
• 28:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I just think a lot of us the what's anyway of being a toy seat is people pleasing and, you know, tell ourselves that we don't have control of a certain things.
• 28:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Some things you do and we just gotta be honest about that.
• 28:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: So share the friend who needs to hear it, especially that people placing one because those people can bother your life, too.
• 28:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: And until next time, be tasty it.
• 28:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Bye for now.
• 28:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's all I got for this episode of The Beat Tell You See A Podcast.
• 28:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review.
• 28:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: And follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts.
• 28:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at The Beat Pot on Instagram.
• 28:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I would love to know more about you.
• 28:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it.
• 28:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Help us and others be a tell you see it.
• 28:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Have an awesome day.
• 29:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Be it till you see it is a production of the blue pod cast network.
• 29:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at plus one three one oh nine oh five five three four or send a DM on Instagram at be it pod.
• 29:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan and me, Brad Crowell.
• 29:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is transcribed, produced, and edited by the epic team at disenio.co.
• 29:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: Our theme music is by L.E.
• 29:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist John Franco Chilfe.
• 29:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.
• 29:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website.
• 29:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: And finally, Samarth Root for keeping us all on point and on time.