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What Does Mom Burnout Feel Like? · Arise Women of God

• 0:00
  What does Mom Burnout feel like?
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  Burnout doesn't feel like you need just a quick Saturday afternoon nap.
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  Burnout feels like living a life as a zombie mom, operating with your brain power locked at 10 or 20% capacity while feeling an overwhelming sensory overload and experience a scary emotional numbness where you feel completely hollowed out inside.
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  Stay tuned as we dive in.
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  Ordinary women Extraordinary Faith When God calls, we say yes.
• 0:42
  Hello and welcome back to the Arise Women of God podcast.
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  I'm your host, Tamara K.
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  Anderson.
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  In our last two episodes, my dear friend Wendy Christiansen, who is a licensed clinical social worker, helped us break down the clinical definitions and the neurobiology of mom burnout.
• 1:02
  But today I wanted to sit down with you for a candid heart to heart to answer the real raw question, what does maternal burnout actually feel like on the inside?
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  So in this episode, I'm kind of pulling the curtain back on my own journey through the wilderness of chronic depletion, sharing the daily cognitive fog of what I call zombie mom mode.
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  Second, the emotional roller coaster.
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  Why Burnout triggers intense anger followed by crushing mom guilt and emotional numbness.
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  Third, the reality of living in chronic survival mode where your stress hormones mirror those of combat soldiers.
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  And finally, we'll talk about the life changing turning point at 2 in the morning when when I had nothing left to give and how God's enabling grace can meet you in the middle of your deepest exhaustion.
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  In the book I published a few years ago called Normal for Me, I devoted an entire chapter to a phenomenon I lived through for many years, being a zombie mom.
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  A zombie mom is a mother who cannot handle what is on her plate.
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  But she must.
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  There was a season in my motherhood when I had four little children under the age of seven.
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  My oldest, Jordan, was the only child who could speak to me verbally because my next two boys were on the autism spectrum.
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  And then we had a baby girl.
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  My children rarely slept through the night for years my journals were filled with 3:30 and 4:30am wake up calls and and then they were up for the day.
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  When you live with chronic sleep deprivation and relentless caregiving demands throughout the day, burnout feels like your brain is running at about 10 to 20% normal capacity in a heavy, thick mental fog.
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  You misplace items.
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  You stand in the middle of a kitchen with no memory of what you walked in for, and you feel so mentally paralyzed that even deciding what to make for dinner feels like climbing Mount Everest.
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  In Proverbs 17:22, Scripture says a broken spirit drieth the Bones.
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  Oh, sister, that is precisely what burnout feels like.
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  Physically.
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  It feels like every ounce of vitality, joy and resilience has just dried right out of the marrow of your bones.
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  You wake up in the morning just as exhausted as when your head hit the pillow the night before.
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  Even harder than the physical exhaustion is the emotional whiplash.
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  Burnout doesn't always feel quiet.
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  Often it feels like sudden, terrifying loss of emotional control.
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  I'll never forget a day I documented in my journal on July 20, 2005.
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  A day I literally titled in my journal, the Day from Hell.
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  Earlier that afternoon, our doctor had just confirmed that our third son, Jacob, was showing autism tendencies.
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  My heart was already breaking at the thought of losing another sweet son to autism.
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  That evening my husband was sick in bed and my 6 year old son Nathan, who has low functioning autism and was struggling terribly with potty training, had smeared his poop all over himself and smashed it deep into his
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  bedroom carpet.
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  I walked into that room with rags and cleaning spray and I simply shattered.
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  The mess was ground into the carpet so that it wouldn't come out and I just started sobbing uncontrollably.
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  And suddenly this intense anger erupted out of me and I yelled at Nathan, what?
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  What is wrong with you?
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  And then the moment the words left my mouth, the enemy stepped in with a crushing shame.
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  And I thought, what is wrong with me?
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  God must be punishing me because I'm not patient enough or good enough to be a mother.
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  I finished cleaning up the mess, put the boys to bed, sat down with a blinding headache and wrote these words.
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  I feel totally numb inside.
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  Right now, I am just exhausted and numb.
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  Oh, my friend, if you have ever felt that way, snapping at your children whom you adore, followed by agonizing guilt, and then collapsing into total empty numbness, please hear me.
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  You are not a monster.
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  Burnout feels like Psalm 143.
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  4.
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  Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me.
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  My heart within me is desolate.
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  When your nervous system is pushed far past its physical limit, the brain shuts down its emotional receptors simply to keep you from breaking.
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  That numbness isn't a lack of love.
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  It is the dashboard warning light flashing that your engine is out of oil.
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  On top of the emotional numbness, burnout feels like chronic hypervigilance.
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  A landmark study showed that mothers of children with autism carry stress hormone profiles comparable to combat soldiers.
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  And I'm sure normal moms do too.
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  During those early years, my son Jacob was our little Houdini.
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  He would scale our six foot wooden fence, run towards swimming pools Even though he couldn't swim bolt towards traffic and he even ran toward a farm combine, I was living in constant fight or flight, producing so much adrenaline
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  that I crashed into clinical adrenal fatigue three separate times.
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  Living in survival mode feels like being at war inside your own body, inside your own home.
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  One night at 2 in the morning, when Nathan was awake, screaming and inconsolable, my husband Justin and I rotated in and out of his room for hours.
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  And finally I collapsed on the floor, sobbing.
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  I didn't know what else to pray for, but I remembered that we were invited to pray specifically for what we need.
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  And so I told God through the tears, God, I don't know what to pray for.
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  And the thought came, pray for angels.
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  And so I did.
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  I prayed for God to send Nathan's great grandmas and great grandpas and ancestor who loved him to come into that room.
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  I never saw them with my physical eyes, but a peace entered that room and the atmosphere shifted.
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  Nathan calmed down, and I knew in that deepest hour of the night that God had not abandoned me.
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  People often say God won't give you more than you can handle.
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  But can I be honest with you?
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  God absolutely gives us more than we can handle on our own.
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  He allows us to reach the end of our human capacity so that we'll stop relying on our own strength and turn to Him.
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  One of my favorite verses is in Matthew 11, where the Lord invites this come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
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  Take my yoke upon you and learn of me, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
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  My sister, a yoke was designed for two oxen to pull a heavy load together.
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  You were never created to pull the heavy cart of motherhood alone.
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  When you yoke your weary life to Jesus Christ, he pulls the heavy side of the load.
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  I testify to you that two people can do anything, survive sleepless nights, navigate difficult diagnoses, and make it through chronic exhaustion.
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  If one of them is God, his grace is real, his mercies reset every single morning, and he can and will sustain you one breath, one prayer, and one step at a time.
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  Oh, my friend, if you are living in zombie mom fog today and feel like you have nothing left to give, you were never meant to pull this cart alone.
• 10:01
  Go and Download our free Mom's Burnout Reset guide where inside you'll find our exact 2am emergency Angel Prayer and our emergency triage checklist.
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  For those days when you need critical help, click the link below to Let Heaven replenish your weary soul.
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  In our upcoming episode, Wendy Christiansen will be back with me to answer what does Mom Burnout look Like?
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  We will be looking at how burnout shows up on the outside in our facial expressions, our domestic routines, snapping at our kids, and how to spot functional freeze before it leads to a breakdown.
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  Be sure to hit the subscribe button and click that notification bell so you don't miss that episode the moment it drops.
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  Until next time, Sweet Mama, give yourself grace.
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  Take a deep breath and remember that you are a daughter of God and He is holding your hand.
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  So arise with him and do it God strong.
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