Latest / Getting After It / 171 - Identity is Earned, Not Chosen

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171 - Identity is Earned, Not Chosen · Getting After It

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Hello, my friends.
0:01
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to another year of the Getting After It podcast.
0:05
SPEAKER_00: Crazy to think that now we're in 2026.
0:08
SPEAKER_00: I hope you've had a happy new year.
0:10
SPEAKER_00: I hope you have some good goals that you've set.
0:13
SPEAKER_00: And um yeah, just it's awesome that we're in another year.
0:17
SPEAKER_00: So I um I've been thinking a lot about how I want I wanted the first episode of the year to to come out as.
0:24
SPEAKER_00: And I've decided to talk about something that I believe is very important when it comes to progressing, when it comes to getting after it, when it comes to taking that next step to become the person that you want to become.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: And it is the idea that identity is earned, not chosen.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: For me, it's true.
0:45
SPEAKER_00: It's been a principle that I've applied in my life many times, and and it has it has been true.
0:50
SPEAKER_00: Uh, we'll talk about some of those things, but I wanted to start off just by saying that, you know, January has its way of doing this thing where it convinces us that identity is a decision.
1:03
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's like we wake up on January 1st, we grab our waters, we take out a notebook and start writing down goals and um just decide who we're gonna be that year.
1:13
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's it's the you new year, new me, that that that tagline that goes around this time of year, right?
1:19
SPEAKER_00: Everyone kind of says it.
1:20
SPEAKER_00: It's a fresh start, a clean slate.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: Same problems, um, just with better intentions.
1:28
SPEAKER_00: And look, I'm I'm not anti-goals at all.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: I'm not anti-New Year's resolution.
1:33
SPEAKER_00: In fact, I think that's important, and and I actually I like goals.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: I set goals for myself.
1:38
SPEAKER_00: I have many for this year.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: The thing is, is I've learned that sometimes, through the hard way, that identity doesn't work like some kind of declaration.
1:51
SPEAKER_00: Like, oh yeah, I'm going to lose 10 pounds this year.
1:55
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to be someone who goes to the gym.
1:58
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to start a podcast and be a podcaster.
2:01
SPEAKER_00: And those are all great goals.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: But you don't wake up one morning and suddenly become disciplined.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: You don't decide to be consistent and magically feel consistent.
2:12
SPEAKER_00: You don't choose confidence and suddenly start stop doubting yourself.
2:15
SPEAKER_00: Like that's not how it works.
2:18
SPEAKER_00: At least it's never worked that way for me.
2:21
SPEAKER_00: For me, identity has always shown up after action, not before it.
2:27
SPEAKER_00: And today, on the first day of the year, I want to talk about something simple, but uncomfortable for a lot of people, and that is that identity is earned and not chosen.
2:37
SPEAKER_00: There's this quote from Marcus Aurelius that I love, where he says, waste no more time arguing what a good man should be.
2:45
SPEAKER_00: Be one.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: It's a very simple thing that is very profound as well.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: Like, stop thinking about all the ways that you can improve and stop writing down these long lists of how you're going to make that change.
3:00
SPEAKER_00: Just do it.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: Just start being that person.
3:03
SPEAKER_00: And I want to start by saying also that this podcast is a great example of that.
3:08
SPEAKER_00: Um in the beginning, I was not confident.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: I was not as confident as I am today.
3:14
SPEAKER_00: I was not a great podcaster, and you know, to this day, I don't know if I am.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: I was nervous, and you could hear it in my voice.
3:21
SPEAKER_00: Uh like especially in those beginning days.
3:24
SPEAKER_00: I um what's crazy to think now is that we're entering the fourth year of the podcast.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: Getting after it's been going on since 2022, August of 2022.
3:33
SPEAKER_00: So we have a little bit longer to get to that four-year mark, but you know, it's it's not because I'd set goals for myself, like, okay, well, I'm gonna do a podcast every week and and everything in that sense.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: I told myself that I was a podcaster, and so I tried to do things that I knew podcasters did, and that was improve, it was learn, it was trying to um get their skills in terms of telling stories and and getting things out to their audience a little bit better.
4:01
SPEAKER_00: Um at the beginning, you know, I sat at my kitchen table.
4:06
SPEAKER_00: I only had a microphone and my laptop.
4:09
SPEAKER_00: I would film on my laptop, it was really bad quality.
4:13
SPEAKER_00: Uh, but here I was, this little kid, and like I look like a kid in the videos.
4:18
SPEAKER_00: Here I was just trying my best to become a podcaster.
4:22
SPEAKER_00: And those first episodes were hard.
4:25
SPEAKER_00: Like until I got to around, I don't know, a hundred episodes.
4:29
SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't say I was fully confident in what I was doing.
4:32
SPEAKER_00: So, what I'm gonna do now is play a little clip for you of Brett in the beginning.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: I just want to paint the picture that identity is earned, not chosen.
4:44
SPEAKER_00: And I didn't become a podcaster overnight, it took time, and I'll let the clip speak for itself.
4:52
SPEAKER_00: Well, here we go.
4:53
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to another episode of the podcast, everyone.
4:56
SPEAKER_00: And this is gonna be something that we haven't done before.
4:59
SPEAKER_00: What I mean by that is hey, this is uh our very first unscripted podcast.
5:05
SPEAKER_00: It's wild watching that clip.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: Like looking back now, during that time I struggled with an eating disorder.
5:11
SPEAKER_00: I was not into fitness the way that I am now.
5:14
SPEAKER_00: I was trying to figure out really who I was, and I can say with confidence that the podcast has truly helped me progress to that person and become the man that I always dreamed I could be.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: Um so just something to keep in mind there is as we have this conversation, you know, there's I'm not where I would like to be in terms of like podcasting and audience size and all that kind of stuff, but that comes with time.
5:39
SPEAKER_00: And if you stay consistent, if you stay dedicated and disciplined with getting the the product out, which in my case is the podcast, the results come and you consistently have to refine it.
5:52
SPEAKER_00: You always have to ask what you can be doing better and what next steps you can take.
5:56
SPEAKER_00: And I want to start by talking about a lie that I used to believe.
6:00
SPEAKER_00: Two of them really.
6:01
SPEAKER_00: But I used to believe these two things.
6:03
SPEAKER_00: First, once I feel motivated, I'll act.
6:06
SPEAKER_00: And second, once I feel clear, I'll start.
6:10
SPEAKER_00: I always thought that in order to begin something, you had to have those two things figured out.
6:15
SPEAKER_00: Like you needed to be motivated to get it done, and you also had to have a clear vision of where it was going to take you.
6:23
SPEAKER_00: Those two things sound very reasonable.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: They feel responsible, even, you know?
6:29
SPEAKER_00: You don't want to take a risk if you don't feel like there's something in the end that you will gain from it, right?
6:34
SPEAKER_00: Like that just seems like very high risk, low reward.
6:40
SPEAKER_00: Those two things kept me stuck longer than I wanted to admit.
6:45
SPEAKER_00: Especially when the pot with the podcast.
6:47
SPEAKER_00: Like, I always thought that I had to have these clear ideas and and make sure that it was buttoned up to the way that you know Chris Williamson was doing, or Joe Rogan was doing it, Nick Bear, all these people who I look up to in the podcast world.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: And that's not the case.
7:03
SPEAKER_00: Because if you look back, they all started in the same spot.
7:06
SPEAKER_00: Like they all started with you know a single microphone and just talking into it.
7:11
SPEAKER_00: And motivation is great, I will say, but it doesn't always show up.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: Um it's funny because I was thinking about motivation, and I believe it has the emotional stability of a child.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, it's here, then it's gone, and then it yells at you because you asked it to do something mildly convenient, right?
7:34
SPEAKER_00: And clarity, clarity is overrated in the beginning, in my opinion.
7:40
SPEAKER_00: Like, most people aren't lazy, I would say.
7:45
SPEAKER_00: Even considering myself in that equation.
7:47
SPEAKER_00: But I would say most of the part, like if people are waiting on certain goals or they're trying to make these things things happen, they're waiting.
7:54
SPEAKER_00: They're waiting to feel ready, they're waiting to feel confident, and they're waiting to feel like the kind of person who does the thing that they want to do.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: Again, here's another uncomfortable truth for you.
8:06
SPEAKER_00: Waiting feels productive, it feels thoughtful, and a lot of the time it's just fear.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: It's just fear wearing a different outfit.
8:15
SPEAKER_00: Like, when I started the podcast, many of you know this if you listen to it, but I had the idea for probably a year that I wanted to start something.
8:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, and again, I waited for those things.
8:28
SPEAKER_00: I waited to feel motivated, I waited for that clarity, and there was one night when I was sitting in my apartment where I just had the realization that that's not gonna come until I start.
8:38
SPEAKER_00: Like that clarity will not come until I start.
8:40
SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna figure out what getting after it's going to be until I begin talking about it and I begin listening to the audience and what they have to say and bringing on other people to hear what they get after and recognize that I am not as great as I thought I was because all these other people are doing amazing things, right?
8:59
SPEAKER_00: And it was humbling in the beginning.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: Like, once I started, I realized that I did not know as much as I thought I did going into this.
9:07
SPEAKER_00: But it's also a great thing, like that's a great motivator because when that comes up, you realize, oh yeah, well, I don't know as much as I need to.
9:16
SPEAKER_00: Then hopefully you say, Okay, well, what steps am I going to take to actually understand this?
9:21
SPEAKER_00: To make the best work that I possibly can with this podcast or or whatever it is for you.
9:26
SPEAKER_00: But I will say the longer that you wait, the harder it becomes to act.
9:30
SPEAKER_00: Because now you're not only just starting, you're starting with a certain amount of guilt.
9:35
SPEAKER_00: You know, that's that comes with waiting.
9:38
SPEAKER_00: Um, it's something else that running has taught me.
9:43
SPEAKER_00: You know, this is where running kind of changed everything for me.
9:46
SPEAKER_00: I didn't start because I I didn't start running because I felt like I was a runner.
9:51
SPEAKER_00: Like I didn't wake up one day thinking, ah yes, today.
9:55
SPEAKER_00: Today's the day that I become disciplined.
9:57
SPEAKER_00: No, I started running awkwardly and inconsistently with bad pacing.
10:02
SPEAKER_00: I look like a lanky skinny kid that was trying to to get fit.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: Um I don't know, it's just kind of kind of funny looking back now uh of where I started.
10:12
SPEAKER_00: And you know, I I've told the story before where I I ran three miles at an 11-minute pace, and I was really proud of that.
10:19
SPEAKER_00: And I still am proud of that effort, but it's progressed over time.
10:24
SPEAKER_00: And then something interesting happened.
10:26
SPEAKER_00: The more that I showed up, the more um I showed up, especially on days that I didn't I didn't want to, the more my behavior shaped how I saw myself at that point.
10:37
SPEAKER_00: Like at some point I stopped saying, I'm trying to run, and I started thinking I am a runner.
10:43
SPEAKER_00: And here's the important part that identity came with a standard.
10:48
SPEAKER_00: Because once you see yourself as a runner, certain things follow.
10:52
SPEAKER_00: You train even when it's convenient for you.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: You adapt when things don't go perfectly, and you don't negotiate every single workout with your feelings.
11:00
SPEAKER_00: You don't run because you feel like a runner.
11:03
SPEAKER_00: You feel like a runner because you run.
11:06
SPEAKER_00: That's the loop.
11:07
SPEAKER_00: The loop is action, identity, higher standard, more action.
11:13
SPEAKER_00: That's how the podcast has gone.
11:15
SPEAKER_00: You know, I I started and then I figured out the identity piece.
11:18
SPEAKER_00: I set higher standards for myself, and then that is followed by more action.
11:22
SPEAKER_00: Same thing with running.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: I started to run, I learned a little bit more about the sport and how to incorporate it with my own body, and then I set higher standards for myself, and now it's just fueled by more action.
11:38
SPEAKER_00: That's the loop.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: And once that clicked, I didn't stay in running, like it leaked into how I thought, how I handled discomfort, how I handled boredom.
11:48
SPEAKER_00: Because when you're running long distances, you do get bored at times.
11:51
SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm gonna admit that.
11:52
SPEAKER_00: There's times where it's like, okay, I have to go out for this long run, and you're out there for three hours.
11:58
SPEAKER_00: So you have to be mentally resilient to be able to maintain that and to stay in the game at some point.
12:06
SPEAKER_00: But how I handled days where progress felt invisible also played into that.
12:13
SPEAKER_00: Like running, you progress pretty quickly in the beginning.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: Then after that, it kind of stalls for a while.
12:19
SPEAKER_00: You hit plateaus, and then you have to set those higher standards and and work harder to hit certain goals that you have for yourself.
12:28
SPEAKER_00: Running didn't just build my legs at that time, it also helped shape my mind.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: And I will say there's been many stories where you know I've I've had to show up on days where I didn't want to.
12:43
SPEAKER_00: Um, especially when there's a a race ahead of me that I'm planning for.
12:49
SPEAKER_00: One story in particular, I was training for a sub-three marathon, and that's hard.
12:55
SPEAKER_00: At least for me, that was incredibly difficult.
12:57
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, it's it requires a lot of speed workouts, it requires you to push yourself in ways that you didn't think was possible, but I wanted to qualify for Boston.
13:05
SPEAKER_00: That was important to me.
13:07
SPEAKER_00: And so I had to show up even when I didn't want to.
13:11
SPEAKER_00: Um, those were hard days.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: Like my body was sore.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: Like that was probably my first experience where I actually tried pushing myself um pretty significantly with running.
13:20
SPEAKER_00: And many times I wanted to quit.
13:24
SPEAKER_00: But those moments where I I wanted to quit, I just decided to act.
13:29
SPEAKER_00: It sounds very simple.
13:30
SPEAKER_00: It sounds a little bit too easy.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: But that's how it worked for me.
13:36
SPEAKER_00: And a lot of the times that's how it works for many people is you have to show up when it when it gets difficult and you have to push yourself just a little harder than you would.
13:45
SPEAKER_00: Um, that leads to to progress and it leads to growth.
13:49
SPEAKER_00: Now, I want to talk about standards versus goals because there is a distinct a distinction that I think people miss sometimes.
13:58
SPEAKER_00: Goals are outcomes.
14:00
SPEAKER_00: Like that is a very outcome-oriented thing.
14:02
SPEAKER_00: Like you set goals on January 1st, like this is what I want to do throughout the year.
14:07
SPEAKER_00: Those are outcomes that requires action to go into them.
14:11
SPEAKER_00: But standards are behaviors, like that is who you are.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: If you are a runner, then act like it.
14:17
SPEAKER_00: Go run.
14:18
SPEAKER_00: Get out there and say what you're gonna or do what you're gonna you said you're going to do.
14:22
SPEAKER_00: If you're a podcaster, that requires work.
14:25
SPEAKER_00: That requires you to get episodes out on a regular basis and stay consistent and refine your craft.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: Like it's not that you just set these goals and then you become these people.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: It's the fact that you set these standards and you live up to them.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: Like goals say I want to run a marathon.
14:41
SPEAKER_00: And standards say I train even when it's uncomfortable.
14:45
SPEAKER_00: Goals are inspiring.
14:47
SPEAKER_00: Standards are boring.
14:49
SPEAKER_00: But here's something a lot of people don't like to hear.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: Boring works.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: A lot of the times, boring is what gets you across the finish line.
14:57
SPEAKER_00: That's why consistency is so important.
14:59
SPEAKER_00: Like, even when it's hard, even when it's boring, you have to stay consistent.
15:03
SPEAKER_00: You have to remain disciplined during those times.
15:06
SPEAKER_00: But in my experience, standards remove that negotiation that you have with yourself because when you don't have standards, every day becomes a debate.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: For example, you know, you ask yourself, should I train today?
15:18
SPEAKER_00: Should I show up?
15:19
SPEAKER_00: Should I push this back?
15:21
SPEAKER_00: Like, do I need to actually get this done by X date?
15:24
SPEAKER_00: But if you had standards instead, if you held yourself to these standards, they eliminate that.
15:30
SPEAKER_00: You don't ask if you feel like doing the thing.
15:33
SPEAKER_00: You already decided who you are.
15:35
SPEAKER_00: And the funny part is that people think standards make life rigid, but in reality, my experience has been they make it a little bit lighter.
15:45
SPEAKER_00: Like less decision fatigue, less emotional bargaining, less starting over.
15:51
SPEAKER_00: Because there's power in setting standards for yourself and holding them, holding yourself accountable to it.
15:58
SPEAKER_00: It's hard, it takes a long time.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: For example, we're gonna talk about when I first married Allie.
16:06
SPEAKER_00: I had to identify as a husband.
16:09
SPEAKER_00: You know, I felt like, you know, at the very beginning stages of our marriage, I treated it like we were dating.
16:15
SPEAKER_00: Um, which, you know, I had to learn a lot, but marriage was just another place where identity stopped being theoretical.
16:23
SPEAKER_00: Because once I got married, my decisions didn't just affect me anymore.
16:28
SPEAKER_00: Like how I reacted to things, how I spoke, how I handled stress, how I showed up on tired days.
16:35
SPEAKER_00: All of it mattered.
16:37
SPEAKER_00: All of it mattered more, in my opinion.
16:40
SPEAKER_00: Because now, like I said, I wasn't just making decisions for myself, it was for our family.
16:44
SPEAKER_00: And I didn't just suddenly feel like a better husband.
16:49
SPEAKER_00: Um, that took time, and I recognized that I needed to hold myself to certain standards.
16:53
SPEAKER_00: Like, I couldn't wait to feel patient anymore.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: I just had to practice patience.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: I couldn't wait to feel calm.
17:01
SPEAKER_00: I chose calmer responses when things weren't how I wanted them to be.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: Marriage didn't erase who I was, it expanded who I needed to be.
17:12
SPEAKER_00: And that's an important distinction as well.
17:15
SPEAKER_00: Identity is not about self-resp well, identity is not about self-expression, it's about responsibility.
17:24
SPEAKER_00: If I wanted to be a good husband, I had to be responsible with my actions.
17:28
SPEAKER_00: Um, how I treated my wife, wife, I cannot talk to you today.
17:32
SPEAKER_00: I'm really sorry, guys.
17:33
SPEAKER_00: But how I treated my wife, how I um showed up in our marriage, how I helped her when I was tired, all those things mattered.
17:41
SPEAKER_00: And there was one experience that Ali and I called the Tuesday, where, like I said, I was kind of in dating mode with marriage.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: I was not as um committed as I probably needed to be in the beginning.
17:54
SPEAKER_00: And Allie had a hard conversation with me that day.
17:57
SPEAKER_00: She basically said, like, hey, this is our life now.
18:01
SPEAKER_00: We are in this together, and we have to share our lives.
18:04
SPEAKER_00: Um and so I realized I needed to make a change.
18:08
SPEAKER_00: I needed to hold myself to a higher standard as to what a husband should be.
18:12
SPEAKER_00: Um, I have great examples in my life of great husbands, you know, my dad, my brothers, uh, many of the people that I work with who are there for their families, and that's obviously their number one priority.
18:24
SPEAKER_00: So I had to hold myself to some higher standards.
18:27
SPEAKER_00: I needed to make Allie the number one priority.
18:29
SPEAKER_00: And since doing so, our marriage has flourished, it's gotten so much stronger.
18:34
SPEAKER_00: And um, I can confidently say that like on the days where I'm tired and I don't want to do anything, I will still show up for Allie because I love her, and that's what marriage is.
18:43
SPEAKER_00: And it taught me a lot about you know, goals in marriage are great, but at the end of the day, like it's it's kind of on you.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: You have to hold yourself to a certain standard in order to make it work, and that looks like patience, it looks like what I said earlier with controlling your responses and um being there for the other person.
19:03
SPEAKER_00: Like, it's not just about you anymore, it's about the other person.
19:07
SPEAKER_00: And once I told myself that that's what we're gonna do, it bled into all the other aspects of my life.
19:15
SPEAKER_00: Um, or something else that I've been thinking about when it comes to identity is the the challenge of when you go through life, there are certain times where it feels like you don't know who you are.
19:28
SPEAKER_00: You've lost your identity, and that could come from career shifts, it could come from injuries, it could come from certain life changes, like maybe you got married, maybe you had a child, maybe you moved to a different state.
19:41
SPEAKER_00: But it could also be seasons where what used to define you doesn't anymore.
19:47
SPEAKER_00: And those are all so difficult to deal with.
19:51
SPEAKER_00: Um, because sometimes like it is very unclear.
19:54
SPEAKER_00: You don't know what the next step should be, you don't know what you should be working towards, you don't know what the future is gonna hold for you and That is scary.
20:01
SPEAKER_00: It can create anxiety.
20:02
SPEAKER_00: It can make you feel anxious.
20:04
SPEAKER_00: All these all these things.
20:05
SPEAKER_00: And when that happens, the mind starts spiraling.
20:09
SPEAKER_00: At least it does for me.
20:10
SPEAKER_00: This is kind of what happens.
20:11
SPEAKER_00: Like I said, this podcast is a uh it's basically just a selfish project in an autobiography of myself and what I go through.
20:18
SPEAKER_00: So cheers to that.
20:21
SPEAKER_00: As you drink a Coke Zero.
20:23
SPEAKER_00: One of these days we're gonna get sponsored by Coke Zero.
20:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, but you start asking yourself, like, who am I now?
20:31
SPEAKER_00: What's my purpose?
20:32
SPEAKER_00: What if I never get back to who I was?
20:35
SPEAKER_00: I've talked about my injury that I've I'm still dealing with right now, quadricept tendinitis, and when I was in Hawaii and it flared up to the worst that it was, I asked myself that all the time.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: And I was worried about getting after it.
20:48
SPEAKER_00: I was worried about my future trail runs and my ultra marathons.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: And there was a part of me that feared, you know, what was gonna happen to Brett.
20:58
SPEAKER_00: To Brett.
20:59
SPEAKER_00: Was I gonna be the same man?
21:01
SPEAKER_00: Was I gonna have to, you know, hang up the shoes and call it good and say, hey, at least I tried in that.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: Like it wasn't for me.
21:09
SPEAKER_00: But it was a scary thing.
21:11
SPEAKER_00: And here's what I learned.
21:13
SPEAKER_00: You don't think your way out of identity loss, you act your way back in disability, and it's very, very small things.
21:19
SPEAKER_00: Like breath work, exercise, journaling, talking to people that you trust, sitting quietly with your thoughts.
21:27
SPEAKER_00: They all sound very simple, like they're not dramatic fixes, but in a sense, they are anchors.
21:34
SPEAKER_00: When identity feels shaky, anchors matter.
21:38
SPEAKER_00: Like you're still you.
21:40
SPEAKER_00: You're just between chapters.
21:43
SPEAKER_00: And action, especially small intentional action, is how you find your footing again.
21:49
SPEAKER_00: That's a very important thing.
21:51
SPEAKER_00: Like, I've gone through many points in my life where I have had that identity loss, and it's been scary.
21:58
SPEAKER_00: And looking back now, I recognize that it's because you know, a lot of the time I didn't hold myself to standards my entire life.
22:05
SPEAKER_00: It's only been been in the past four or five years where I have focused on setting standards for myself and holding myself accountable to them.
22:15
SPEAKER_00: I not to get too personal, but I've I've battled depression um many times.
22:22
SPEAKER_00: Like it is a demon that doesn't seem to want to go away.
22:26
SPEAKER_00: And I hate that feeling.
22:27
SPEAKER_00: It is the worst, but that's just kind of some of the cards that life has dealt me, and I have to learn how to remain who I am, even when I'm going through difficult times like that.
22:39
SPEAKER_00: And standards help because I know who I want to become.
22:43
SPEAKER_00: Like if I'm depressed, but I still know that a podcast needs to get done, I will do it, I will act.
22:49
SPEAKER_00: And during that time, you know, it helps me because I'm focusing on something else rather than that depression or that anxiety.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: And it's important to understand your mind, how it works, how it operates, what encourages you, what doesn't.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: All these things you need to understand so you can hold standards that are realistic for you and keep you accountable to the things that you say matter to you.
23:17
SPEAKER_00: Um, so let's reframe all this.
23:20
SPEAKER_00: Like, we're talking about goals, we're talking about standards, but how does it all work together?
23:24
SPEAKER_00: If I had to distill it all into one truth, it's this.
23:28
SPEAKER_00: You don't find yourself, you build yourself quietly, repeatedly, and without applause.
23:36
SPEAKER_00: No one's gonna be cheering you on through this.
23:37
SPEAKER_00: They might say, hey, you're doing great with this.
23:40
SPEAKER_00: But a lot of the times it's the quiet moments where you it's just you and your thoughts, where the work happens, where you're refining who you want to become.
23:51
SPEAKER_00: You're setting the bar a little bit higher for you to achieve something great.
23:55
SPEAKER_00: Identity isn't formed in moments of inspiration.
23:58
SPEAKER_00: Inspiration comes and goes.
24:00
SPEAKER_00: It's like a day.
24:01
SPEAKER_00: You know, you might have a great day where you get all inspired, you have all these great thoughts, and that might last for a while.
24:09
SPEAKER_00: But in my experience, it's like the sun.
24:11
SPEAKER_00: You know, it comes up, a little, you know, it's dark in the beginning, and as the day progresses, it gets brighter and brighter until around noon, where it's right at the top.
24:20
SPEAKER_00: But then it goes down.
24:22
SPEAKER_00: And if you're not fueling that with your own standards, if you're not holding yourself accountable to what inspires you, that inspiration is gonna go away.
24:31
SPEAKER_00: Um, identity is formed in moments of alignment when no one's watching.
24:36
SPEAKER_00: The days you show up tired, the days motivation doesn't come, the days clarity feels far away.
24:44
SPEAKER_00: Those days count more than the highlight moments, in my opinion, because you're still showing up, especially when it's difficult.
24:52
SPEAKER_00: There's something really important in that phrase, especially when it's difficult.
24:56
SPEAKER_00: Because for me and my experience, those are the days that teach me who I truly am.
25:01
SPEAKER_00: Like if I'm able to show up on a day, like today was a great example of at the gym.
25:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm tired.
25:07
SPEAKER_00: I ran 30 miles in three days with my knee, like still in pretty bad shape.
25:12
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I got to the gym today and I just felt beat.
25:15
SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, we had New Year's Eve last night and all these things.
25:18
SPEAKER_00: And I still had the standard I needed to hold, which was I'm gonna go get a workout in and I'm gonna run.
25:25
SPEAKER_00: And it was not an easy workout, it was not enjoyable in many of the ways that working out is for me.
25:33
SPEAKER_00: But I'm proud of the fact that I I stay stick to the plan and I got it done.
25:39
SPEAKER_00: Like, that's why I say that those days count, especially when it's difficult.
25:45
SPEAKER_00: Because you're still able to show up and you're still able to get the thing done that you want it to, and that is what holding a standard looks like.
25:54
SPEAKER_00: You show up, even when it's hard.
25:57
SPEAKER_00: So, what I'd encourage you to do today is don't write down ten goals.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: I would write down one standard you want to hold, and that can look like I'm going to be I'm going to be in the gym every week, four times a week, or whatever it is.
26:15
SPEAKER_00: Like, yes, that is a goal, but it's also a standard that you hold for yourself because there's gonna be days during those four days a week that you don't want to work out, but you still show up.
26:23
SPEAKER_00: That's what a standard versus a goal is.
26:26
SPEAKER_00: But write one standard, you know, one behavior that you'll keep even when the feeling disappears.
26:34
SPEAKER_00: This year does not need a new version of you, it needs you to consistently act like the person you already know you're capable of becoming.
26:44
SPEAKER_00: And that's how identity is earned.
26:46
SPEAKER_00: It's through the small actions, it's through the boring stuff.
26:49
SPEAKER_00: And I wish there was a I wish there was a you know a different way that I could say it, but in my experience, that's really how working towards goals is has come to fruition for me.
27:02
SPEAKER_00: It's not through setting specific deadlines that does help, but at the end of the day, it's it's are you able to show up when you don't want to?
27:09
SPEAKER_00: And if you have that standard for yourself and you hold yourself to it, the results will come.
27:15
SPEAKER_00: That's like I I said with the podcast.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: Um, going back to that example.
27:22
SPEAKER_00: I think 2022 Brett would be very proud of who I've become today.
27:29
SPEAKER_00: Not because I I have the recognition that a lot of podcasts do, or I have the following that I I would love.
27:37
SPEAKER_00: Um, but it's because the fact that I've stayed in the game and I've really tried to improve how I speak and how I get these messages to you all, and and I've tried learning more so I can have better conversations with guests and and have better solo episodes.
27:54
SPEAKER_00: But I think he would look at me and say, Hey, you you've stayed in the fight, you've stayed in the arena, and I'm proud of you for that.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: Um I'm proud of 2022, Brett, for even deciding to to become a podcaster.
28:07
SPEAKER_00: Like that's something I never thought I would do in my life, and it's it's been a huge blessing to me, just in terms of growth and in terms of conversations I've been able to have with other people, stories that I hear from you all.
28:18
SPEAKER_00: Um, it's been awesome.
28:22
SPEAKER_00: But that only happened because I set standards for myself and I held myself to them.
28:29
SPEAKER_00: That same thing can happen to you.
28:31
SPEAKER_00: You have to believe it, you have to do it when it's difficult, and I can't tell you how many times I wanted to quit the podcast.
28:39
SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes it is a little bit um sometimes it's uh not demoralizing, but it's difficult to keep going.
28:48
SPEAKER_00: You know, I I like I said I don't have the following that I would expect to have at this point, but I was listening to an episode of Chris Williamson's podcast today.
28:57
SPEAKER_00: It's like a four million subscriber Q ⁇ A where he will answer questions that his his audience has for him.
29:05
SPEAKER_00: And one of the the questions was um, do you ever think you'll get burnt out with doing you know self-discovery is what we what he called it.
29:17
SPEAKER_00: And Chris's response is one, it's um encouraging to me, but two, I think it's very real.
29:24
SPEAKER_00: He said that, you know, for the first it took him 400 episodes to get to 100,000 subscribers, and now he's at 4 million, and he has about a thousand forty-three episodes out, and he said for 400 episodes, no one listened to his podcast, no one cared, and it wasn't until it started to grow that he saw the potential of it and and it's become what it is today.
29:50
SPEAKER_00: Now it's the number eight podcast in the world.
29:52
SPEAKER_00: Um, and that's wild.
29:54
SPEAKER_00: And he just talked about how there were days when he also wanted to quit, and so I think that's a very human feeling.
30:02
SPEAKER_00: You know, Chris Williamson is is probably the number one podcaster I look up to the most just because he's very stoic and he's intelligent and he explains things very clearly, and he has incredible guests on.
30:15
SPEAKER_00: And hearing him, one of my heroes, say that you know, he struggled because there were days when no one would listen and he would get five downloads on a on a podcast episode.
30:27
SPEAKER_00: Hearing him say that tells me, like, hey, you just have to do more, you have to act more, you have to hold yourself to these higher standards.
30:36
SPEAKER_00: And it's like that loop I said, you know, action, identity, higher standard, more action.
30:42
SPEAKER_00: That's what I need to do.
30:44
SPEAKER_00: And it is possible to get to his level, but that's not gonna happen if I just keep going through this um without a vision for the podcast and without holding myself to these standards.
30:57
SPEAKER_00: Because I want this thing to grow.
30:59
SPEAKER_00: I want getting after it to become um a nationwide and even global podcast.
31:04
SPEAKER_00: Like, I want people to listen to this and get inspired and change their lives and take action on the things that they've been uh holding back because maybe it's fear, maybe it's you're waiting for motivation, you're waiting for that clarity.
31:18
SPEAKER_00: And if I had the opportunity to help one person, then this is a success.
31:24
SPEAKER_00: And I just have to keep remembering that.
31:26
SPEAKER_00: That the things that I say, the experiences that I have, if properly dictated to the audience, it can't have an impact.
31:35
SPEAKER_00: That's what keeps me going.
31:37
SPEAKER_00: That's what gets me excited every time that I sit down to record a podcast, is I think who's on the other side listening to this?
31:43
SPEAKER_00: What do they need to hear right now?
31:45
SPEAKER_00: And at the start of the year, especially January 1st, where people are making resolutions, I want you guys to know that setting standards for yourself is more helpful.
31:58
SPEAKER_00: That's been my experience.
31:59
SPEAKER_00: That's how I've been so consistent and disciplined with the things that I do.
32:05
SPEAKER_00: And it can happen to you too.
32:07
SPEAKER_00: If you want to get in the gym more, then tell yourself you are someone who goes to the gym and hold that standard.
32:13
SPEAKER_00: If you want to have a better relationship with your spouse, then talk to them.
32:18
SPEAKER_00: Figure out how you can help better and hold yourself to a higher standard of a spouse.
32:23
SPEAKER_00: Be there for that person.
32:24
SPEAKER_00: When you're tired, when you're angry, when things aren't going your way, be there for them.
32:31
SPEAKER_00: If you want to work on your faith, then actually do the thing.
32:36
SPEAKER_00: Spend time reading whatever scripture that you you believe in, but make it a priority.
32:44
SPEAKER_00: Your life is not going to change unless you take action to make it so.
32:49
SPEAKER_00: Standards help with that.
32:51
SPEAKER_00: So uh as we start this year, as we start 2026, I want you to not hear this and brush it off.
33:02
SPEAKER_00: No, this is going to change your year if you apply it correctly.
33:07
SPEAKER_00: Tell yourself that you're going to hold yourself to these standards and live up to them.
33:11
SPEAKER_00: Show up on the days you don't want to.
33:14
SPEAKER_00: Be relentless with trying to hold yourself to these standards.
33:18
SPEAKER_00: And the goals will come.
33:19
SPEAKER_00: Those outcomes that we talked about earlier, they will show up.
33:23
SPEAKER_00: And you'll look back at the end of 2026 and say, Man, if I did that in a year, what can I do in 2027?
33:29
SPEAKER_00: And so on.
33:30
SPEAKER_00: That's the power of the stand of standards.
33:33
SPEAKER_00: So I appreciate you all for listening to this episode.
33:37
SPEAKER_00: I'm really excited for what 2026 holds.
33:39
SPEAKER_00: I'm planning some exciting things to me.
33:42
SPEAKER_00: Uh, I think they're exciting uh for the podcast.
33:44
SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm having more guests on, um, getting after it's launching a run club sometime this year.
33:49
SPEAKER_00: Uh, we're integrating to a new website.
33:52
SPEAKER_00: So there's some really cool things that are going on.
33:55
SPEAKER_00: And um I just want this to be a valuable resource to anyone who listens to it.
34:00
SPEAKER_00: And so that's the mindset I'm going to take into each episode.
34:05
SPEAKER_00: Like I'm going to be thinking about you guys every single episode.
34:08
SPEAKER_00: I think a lot of the times I try and get my ideas perfect, which again, it's that clarity piece.
34:13
SPEAKER_00: Like, I feel like I need to have clarity to actually begin.
34:15
SPEAKER_00: But at the end of the day, I don't think it's necessarily clarity that gets the message across.
34:19
SPEAKER_00: I think it's if it's relevant.
34:21
SPEAKER_00: And that's why I believe this year is going to be very different because I'm going to try my best to give you all relevant, actionable information that you can take and see yourselves grow.
34:33
SPEAKER_00: That's what gets me excited.
34:36
SPEAKER_00: So fourth year of getting after it.
34:40
SPEAKER_00: Wouldn't be a thing without you guys.
34:42
SPEAKER_00: And I really appreciate it.
34:43
SPEAKER_00: It's it's been an awesome journey.
34:45
SPEAKER_00: I've learned a lot about myself and about others, and it's been phenomenal.
34:51
SPEAKER_00: So I can't wait to see what this year holds and the years after that.
34:54
SPEAKER_00: But until that point, everyone, I really appreciate appreciate you for listening.
34:58
SPEAKER_00: And if this helped at all, please share it with someone.
35:00
SPEAKER_00: Please rate the show.
35:01
SPEAKER_00: Um, and as always, keep getting after it, my friends.
35:06
SPEAKER_00: Happy New Year.