Latest / Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive / September 21, 2017 | Men Of Success - Fall 2017, Session 1 - How Full is Your Bucket?

Transcript

September 21, 2017 | Men Of Success - Fall 2017, Session 1 - How Full is Your Bucket? · Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: All right, man, good morning.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the um inaugural meeting of Men of Success.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: So formerly men's fraternity, Men of Success.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: So gee, new new meeting, new meeting date, new meeting time of the week.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Kind of everything's new.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: So um wasn't given much uh uh notice on kind of what to talk to, so it's kind of like, well, I'll just kind of figure out how I want to kick this off this morning.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so 6.15 every week.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um let's see, Jerry made for those that came late, there are copies of a couple different papers.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: So Jerry's got some, he'll pass those out if you want to raise your hand if you didn't get one.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um otherwise I guess uh anytime there's gonna be handouts, they'll be on the table uh when you come in.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: All right, so just uh you know, reading, hearing the announcements, reading in the bulletin, so um kind of leadership, personal success, things like that.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I thought, well, I'll uh maybe get out one of my one of my favorite books that uh and reread it uh a little bit.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's why decisions fail.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um Hey, we've got our own books.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: Take your own book home.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: We're not doing that by the time.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: No, we don't need your advertisements.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: No, I just um it's just one of those I've always enjoyed reading leadership and management books and uh you know, tried to you know remember key points better myself, but uh that one that one's been particularly interesting uh in that he studied companies 20 years all around the world, figured out kind of three main reasons why decisions, over half the decisions that companies make fail.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they uh they follow failure-prone practices, they rush to judgment, premature commitments, and they uh wrongheaded investments.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: They use their resources uh not wisely.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: So uh anyway, just kind of one of those things, you know, some of the biggies, Space Shuttle Challenger, uh Ford Pinto, exploding pintos, uh Firestone Recall, some of the the biggies and probably a ton more that you all have never heard of.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: So uh anyway, but I'm gonna let these guys uh kick it off this morning.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: And uh so Jim and Derek.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks, man.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Take it away.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, give that to Derek, will you please?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: Good morning, Derek.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: How are you doing?
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_02: I don't really need one of these.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_02: I can just sit up here with you if you want.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: That'll work.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, let's do that.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: Did you sleep okay last night?
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: I slept as good as I could have last night.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, good.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: Had the worst night I've had in a couple of years.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: It was really fun.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: I think Honduras finally caught up to me.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: There was one moment last night, it was it was coming out both ends starting about 10.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: Then at three o'clock, I had this amazing.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: Have you guys ever had like a super leg cramp?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: It just goes and and so you fall out of the bed and you're grabbing your leg in the middle of the night, but you happen to have raging diarrhea at the same time.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: So you're dragging yourself along the carpet to the bathroom.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: Is this part of So what's the leadership lesson we can learn from the city?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: The leadership lesson is is when it gets really bad, then you start laughing.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: So Melody came in, so Melody goes, What is wrong?
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just laughing.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't stop.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: I said, This is just really funny.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: So if you're laughing, this happened when I was 30 years old.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: So um listen, the reason we're making all these changes is um there's a lot of reasons.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: We we we wanted we wanted to change some things.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: And when we thought about uh what is it that we wanted to do?
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: We didn't care about anybody else.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: We thought, what is it we really like?
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Well Derek's uh you know in in graduate school and he loves some of his management and leadership courses.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: He's reading some really cool books, and and and he and I have partnered together, and I've been able to read some of those too.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I love reading the kind of reading success personal improvement books had ever since I was in sales.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: And um and I thought, you know, you know what men are, I know what men are like.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: We want to be current, we want to be intelligent, and we want to be better.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: We want to be current, and these are the books that people are talking about in our circles.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: And we want to be intelligent, we want to know principles that can help us, and and and and principles that that make the world run better.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: And we want to be better.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: We want to be better fathers, we want to be better husbands, we want to be better workers, and the principles in these books can help us do that.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: So we've been talking about books.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: We got a pile of books.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna work our way through these in two semesters this fall, nine weeks, uh, next spring, maybe twelve weeks, and and we're excited about it.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, this is this is one of my favorite things to talk about, to learn about, to be a part of.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I think probably one of the other things that I that I think is going to be really neat about this semester and this minute success and leadership, things like that, is what we're seeing right now is is everybody getting connected to other people in the community who maybe you've never been connected with before.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe you go to a third service here and somebody else goes to second, so you never see them.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_02: Or you're from a different church and you came here and you got invited by somebody else.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think those networking things, those connection things can help us learn on a spiritual level, but also at work, becoming better at home, like what you were saying.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_02: And so I'm I'm definitely excited for it and excited to learn from some of you guys who are a little more seasoned than I am.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: So, except that in a sense, I've told Derek that in a church you have uh the lead pastor and he runs a church, but the the student ministry pastor runs his own church.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: The truth is that he's got a church, he's got the students and he's got their families, and he has to deal with psychological issues, with with with uh, and so so he's you're in leadership as much as anyone else here, Derek.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: Now let me tell you what we're gonna do is that each week we'll have on the table a sort of summary uh of the book that we're doing that day that you can read that week.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: And we'll also have a summary for the book next week.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: And it may be the same summary that we, you know, that we use two weeks in a row for this week.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: The book, book we're gonna use next week is The Ideal Team Player, really hot book by Patrick Lincioni, who's one of the one of the best of these guys.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's got some simple ideas, but uh that'll be the book next week.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: And and um so we're gonna do it that way.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: Now, the book we've chosen, let me see what other slides I got here.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: First semester, put it on your calendar.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: We have nine sessions.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: This is number one.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: They'll end November 16th, November 23rd.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: The following Wednesday, Thursday happens to be Thanksgiving.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: We decided not to meet on that day.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um audio recorded.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: Hey.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I go online.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_02: If you if you miss one or you know a friend who would like to check it out, go to discovertbc.com under the media tab, and you can do the search in there and find all these on there.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: So uh um watch your language, okay?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: I think is that a personal reminder?
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'll be careful.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: So this is the book we're doing today.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: We decided to start with a really simple book, a book that'll be easy to do in one week.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: There will be some of these books that are so important or have so many ramifications that we may uh uh d dribble over into a second week on them, okay?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: Uh like we've we've talked about taking Stephen Covey's book, and that's hard to finish in one week.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: Stephen Covey's book uh would be the only book that we ever do that's dated before the year 2000.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: We're all of these other books we're gonna do are in the last 10, 10, 15 years.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: And this book here was written, I think, 2004.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: Uh How Full Is Your Bucket has a simple idea, one simple idea basically.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: And it was uh it it it it uh scored uh in both uh business the business world and in the wider world.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: It was number one both in the New York Times bestseller list and also on uh the business bestseller list.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: And uh how many of you have read this book already?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's a really simple read.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's got uh where did I put it?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's got uh maybe I left it in my office.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: But anyway, that's a picture of it.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: And you can borrow it from me if you want to read it.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Uh uh you can read it in a couple hours.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's pretty simple.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, it was so hot that they actually uh followed it up with How Full Is Your Bucket for Kids, and uh and that also was a uh bestseller.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: So uh the principle of this book.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: Let's uh what we're gonna do is um unlike those studies in the past, you know, where we had a booklet and we sort of followed somebody else's going through the apostles or something.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: We will both we meet and we what we did yesterday is we just talked through the book and we decided in business panels, if you've ever seen business panels, the guys just stay set up there and they talk, and that's what we're gonna do, right?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_02: I think this will be fun.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think it'll be a it'll be a conversation that that we'll do for a little while, and then after we finished, after we've gone through kind of the summary, some of the biblical things, and then we'll have probably about 30 minutes or so at the end for small group time and to be able to talk about it in that type of setting.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: Some of these books, you know, they have like nine out of ten ideas are great, but there'll be an idea or two that's really not biblical or whatever.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: And so after we cover what the book says, we're gonna chat about how biblical it is or what its weaknesses and strengths are, uh, at least in our view.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think that'll be one of the most important things because we can have a session like this and we can go through all these personal help, self-help, leadership, all this stuff.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_02: But if we're leaving God out of it, if we're leaving scripture out of it and kind of evaluating it on that level, I think we're doing all of us a big disservice if we didn't do that.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: And that's that's the most important reason that we're here.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let me read the there's really two main points uh in this book, and they're related to each other, and how full is your bucket, and they're right there on the screen in front of you.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'll read the first and you read the second.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: How full is your bucket?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: Each of us has an invisible bucket.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: This is the metaphor in this book.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: It is constantly emptied or filled, depending on what others say or do to us.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: When our bucket is full, we feel great.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: When it's empty, we feel awful.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_02: Each of us, we we kind of have this invisible dipper, and when we use that dipper to fill other people's buckets by saying or doing other things that increase their positive emotions, then we also fill our own bucket at the same time.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_02: But when we use that dipper to dip from other people's buckets, so to pull out of other people's buckets by saying or doing things that decrease those positive emotions, then we diminish ourselves and we dip out of our own bucket as well.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: And some of you uh will know you've read uh positive mental attitude books or optimism books, and and so you'll go, well, that's a lot like what I've read.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: And it is, it's just that this is a powerful metaphor.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: So uh the book has six chapters.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: The first four are the ones we're gonna sort of summarize.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: The fifth is the one of the author's stories and so forth.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: So the first chapter, negativity kills.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: And uh it's mainly comprised, Derek, of this of this long story.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: Is there any way you can summarize the story something about about Korean war camps and and this is the this is the main quote there the relentless negativity resulted in a 38% prisoner of war death rate, the highest in U.S.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: military history.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: Can you sort of talk about that?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, in the in the Korean War, there was you know these these war camps where they'd send all these POWs and and be surrounded.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_02: And so the leadership who were in each of those camps, they obviously didn't want these people to be successful.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_02: They weren't trying to help them in any type of way.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_02: Actually, they were trying to tear down their spirits, and so one of the key ways they did that is through negativity.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_02: And so they did that through um informing, self-criticism, breaking loyalty to leadership.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me about the informing part.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, uh it sounded as though they rewarded American prisoners of war, British prisoners of war for for in you know, for informing on others.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: But then they didn't punish anybody, they just they just got them to rat on each other.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's what they did.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: They wanted them to rat on each other to constantly erode those personal relationships that they had with one another.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_02: And so if they ratted on somebody else, which would then tear that relationship between you know one p uh prisoner and another prisoner, the prisoner who ratted would get rewarded.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_02: Like cigarettes, and nothing or something like that, right?
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, cigarettes or just other things that were not team building, not community focused, not relational focused in any kind of way, but just for them, because that reward signified, and I don't know if they whoever the rat was for each of those situations, if they realized it, but they were getting rewarded for tearing each other down, basically.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: And of course they lined up early on, like, well, there's no punishment if I if I rat on him, so I'll go ahead and rat.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: So they got a long line, people getting cigarettes, but what they didn't realize is how that destroyed relationships.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: And there was not only informing, there was a couple other things you mentioned.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the self-criticism.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_02: So they wanted to be able to do that.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, so they had them all stand up and they would reward them if they stood up and talked about things that they had done that was were bad, how they had lied to someone or how they had how they had done terrible stuff.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: But as a result, they were tearing themselves down and the esprit de corps disappearing.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that interesting?
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so so these these prison camps, uh when those when the prison camps were done at the end of the war, those soldiers came home and they never communicated with any other soldiers.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: They were depressed, 38% of them, uh and half of those in the death rate committed suicide.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: It was just anyway, negativity killed.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: That was a very powerful story.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_02: And to see that that enormous percentage of death rate by this thing called negativity and constantly instilling it into the minds, into the hearts of these people, and it and it literally led to a lot of their deaths.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: Uh uh So anyway, that's that's that uh illustration of uh the devastating effects of negative emotions.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: And then then they quote some statistics that negative emotions can be bad for your health, can shorten your life, and so forth.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: Then the next chapter is called Positivity, Productivity, and Negativity.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: And now it's talking about how positive versus negative attitude makes a huge difference in how product how productive you and your business are.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_02: Have you ever seen this in maybe in you know, pastoring or in sales or different arenas where you see this to be true?
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, it's um well, I saw, you know, my for my very first job, I was only uh well, 15 or something.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'd ride my bike four miles to this sort of a small Montgomery ward or something where I was the bag boy and washed the windows and so forth.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: And the boss, a boss was this good-looking Italian guy and so forth who loved you to laugh at his jokes, but always puts you down.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I would start shaking when I'd get close close to one of my buys riding up on my bicycle because I knew the whole day he'd be going, you left bags sticking out.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: What are you thinking?
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: Or uh how long does it take a guy to wash a window anyway?
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: And and it was just on and on and on.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: And uh I worked for him for I think two summers, but it I was so glad to be done.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: And there's a pall over the whole store because because of this guy.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: On the other hand, the first point they make is uh is bucket filling, oh nice spelling there, bucket filing, is a secret weapon, is a ladder that is you can climb the ladder if you fill other people's buckets.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: Bad bosses, it has uh uh statistics on that, increase the risk of stroke by people in the business by 33%.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: Uh they they uh they they did an analysis of those of those calling firms, you know, where people sit around and they're calling people, you know, to sell stuff, and they found they found three employees that um ran off without knowing, ran off everybody they talked to.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then they would find other employees that that had astounding success and it was just on their positivity.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_02: What about this this last point on here I think is really interesting and something that we've all seen, where the negative employee can scare off every customer they talk to?
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_02: It can be it can be something verbal, it can be a look, it can just be kind of the way that they're carrying themselves.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_02: But haven't you guys seen this?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_02: If you go out to eat and your waiter, waitress comes over and you just know that they're not positive.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like, oh man, what are we in for tonight?
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_02: Or you go to the fast food place and you walk up to the counter and they don't really look at you, don't smile.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: This is okay.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_02: This is a situation that it's not about you.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_02: I just wanted I just wanted to do that.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_02: You came to the church, you came in one morning.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and Jim was here and just no.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: So as in the student ministry, we were looking for um a nursing home or a place or something like that where we could do some outreach, where we could do some service for this semester.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_02: And previously we had been really connected with Fairlawn Heights.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_02: If you guys um have heard of that or been familiar with that, but closed down a few months ago, and that was our main connection here in Topeka.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_02: And so we go over to this other uh kind of assisted living, nursing home place, and literally walk up to the counter, and the receptionist is there.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_02: She gets off the phone, she hangs up the phone, she's still looking down at her computer, she blows her nose, she's still looking down, she gets on her phone and starts swiping and circling and doing stuff, never once acknowledged us as we are standing at the desk right with within a foot and a half of her.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like, what is going on?
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: What is this?
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_02: Do you do you not acknowledge me?
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_02: And so we think about this negativity thing.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_02: It wasn't a positive experience, but that first person doesn't matter what their title is, doesn't matter their role, it doesn't matter if they're only there for one hour a week.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_02: If it's a bad experience, it's gonna paint a picture in that person's mind that maybe we need to be a little wary.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_02: That's why one of the things I really enjoy about TBC is when you come in, Chrissy's always there and she always greets you.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_02: She always says hi if you've ever been here you know during the week, kind of randomly.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_02: She always says hi, and she's the first person that everybody sees, that everybody talks with.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_02: And she's positive about it.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: This is a pretty big chapter, maybe the biggest chapter in the book, and it has it has some of the some other notes in it that I'm gonna walk through.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: And when it speaks about filling buckets, it's talking about two things primarily: recognition and praise.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: It says great recognition and praise can immediately transform a team, and just one person can infuse positive emotions into an entire group by filling buckets more frequently.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: Then it goes to why people leave their jobs and cite statistics that interview people who leave their jobs.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: The number one reason people leave their jobs is not because they're not paid enough, but because they don't feel appreciated.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then it mentions that nine out of ten people, according to surveys, say they're more productive when they're around positive people.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: No surprise there, I suppose.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: And then we move to chapter four, entitled Every Moment Matters.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: And now it gets kind of personal because it starts talking about when you're around your children or when you're around your wife, or you know, work and home and church and everywhere.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm not sure about the statistics, but but they cite this survey uh that that says that we experience approximately 20,000 momentary uh connections uh every day, and we can uh we can respond to those positively or negatively.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: 20,000.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: 200 would be fine enough for me.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: That would have impressed me.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: So they're saying every single moment matters.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: And and when people say yes, but some of the time you need to say something negative.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: Some of the time you need to say, you know, you need to stop spilling the milk to your child, or you need to stop doing this or behave yourself.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: And so um a study they did, they concluded you needed five, especially in marriage, five positive interactions for every one negative interaction.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: Every time, let's say you call someone on the carpet or point out to your wife that she left the oven on all day for the fifth time, you know, you're gonna have to overbalance that with five positives.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: And uh in this marriage study, there's this was this had 94% accuracy of predicting divorce based upon this was the Gottmans who are considered in their state of Washington, this couple, considered the number one marriage researchers in America.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: And they said 94% accuracy of predicting divorce based upon using this ratio alone to score a couple's interactions for 15 minutes.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: If you're having marriage trouble, they get you in, they get you in a room, they ask if they if you'll just sit there with your wife and chat with her, and they'll tape it.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: And they'll tape it for 15 minutes, and then they'll do this thorough study, and they believe that they can predict with over 90% accuracy whether or not you will eventually get divorced or not.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: And this is one of the uh measurements they use.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_02: We didn't quite have that type of study, but in one of the counseling sessions that Gabby and I were at, this they were you know using these statistics of these five positive interactions to one negative interaction.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_02: And it kind of bumps up against First Corinthians 13 where it says don't keep score, but I guess if you're doing it to help yourself, then it's okay.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_02: But these five interactions, it really makes, at least it made me think, wow, do I have these constant this constant flow of positivity, of positive interactions versus these negative interactions with my wife?
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: And with your children, they you know they they list different homes, and you know, some children come home, and mom or dad's first question to them is, did you get in trouble at school again today?
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: Or why are you always asking to spend some time with a friend in the afternoon?
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: Or, you know, always the negative.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas other parents are going, Would you like to have a friend over?
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: Or what would you like for supper tonight?
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: Or uh what was your favorite moment at school today?
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_02: That kind of connects with basically the whole premise of the book is typically we're wired to think, what's wrong with this person?
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_02: What's not right about this person?
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_02: What's not right about the situation?
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_02: How can we make this thing better?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_02: Versus not that that's not important and we don't need to think about those things, but we also need to make sure that we're thinking, well, what's right about this?
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_02: What's right about this person?
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_02: What good thing is this person doing?
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_02: And they kind of spell that out in the in the introduction to the book.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so let's come to the end, sort of a summary.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: Uh they say at the end of bucket filling, uh, here are five things that will happen.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_01: Your workplace will be more productive and fun.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: You'll have more friends, your colleague and friends, colleagues and friends will be more satisfied, you'll enjoy close relationship with your friends, friends, and family, you'll be healthier, happier, well on your way for a long life.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: And by that, they have page after page of studies that show that older people over 70 who are positive uh live measurably longer than older people who are bitter or who are negative.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: So now here's the question.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: Let's chat about this.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: Is this biblical?
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: Uh is it uh uh certainly I think we would say this is while not simplistic, it's not the whole story, you know, because we're gonna go through other business and success books that have other issues, but is even the part of the story that this book tells, the bucket and the dipper, is that biblical?
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's a that's a great question.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_02: I think we see in scripture, we see lots of times where we are called into these interpersonal relationships and we're where we're called to be encouraging, called to be positive, called to build up.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um we think of no this verse, so then let us pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another, and how delightful is a timely word, and that's Romans and Proverbs.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_01: And they sort of go together, building up one another with timely words.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think it's this this make for peace part in the building up of one another.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_02: And so when I think of that, I think, okay, in this next interaction that I'm going to have with my wife or co-worker or student or whoever, is the purpose to make peace, is the purpose to build them up, or is the purpose to tear them down or make them feel silly or make sure that I know that they know that they're wrong and that they messed up?
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_02: You know what's what's the the purpose behind that and the intent of the heart behind that?
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: When you consider that the New Testament word peace comes from the Old Testament, shalom, which is peace, and that shalom doesn't just mean peace, it means a whole well-doing, a flourishing of life.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's what this book is saying will happen.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: Uh another verse, and you pointed this one out to me, Derek.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: Encourage one another.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: Build each other up.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_02: How are we doing that?
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_02: And how hard is it to do that when we know that other person is not trying to build us up?
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_02: I know for me, typically, if I know the other person isn't necessarily trying to build me up or hasn't shown a strong track record of that, it's really hard to build them up, even though that's what I know that I should be doing.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_02: It's hard to actually do it.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: For me, that's where the bucket dipper thing helps.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: I don't I don't have to gush over them.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: I can just dip a little bit of water in there.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you can do something, right?
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_01: One more verse uh that fits into this Ephesians 4 29.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_01: Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what's helpful for building others up according to their needs.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_01: And by the way, uh they have uh uh some of you say, uh, I hated the recognition I got at work last week.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: I hated the fact that they called me up.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_01: That's not my style.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_01: Well, they talk about the according, they don't use Bible verse, but they say different people need different kinds of rewards.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: Some people like quiet recognition or a personal note, others like a very public uh recognition.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: Some people won an award or a title, and so you need to realize they tell a really good story about this, by the way, you need to realize what kind of a person uh you're talking to that you're praising or recognizing, and and make sure you tailor what you're doing so that it really will fill their bucket and not embarrass them.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's that's so key.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: And I I had an example of this.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_02: So when I when I first moved here, I was working out at the Target Distribution Center, and I had a team of about 20, 25 guys and gals out there, and we had a time of recognition at the beginning before each shift, and so it was it was built in and people could recognize each other.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I had a clerical or admin lady who was there, and I wanted to give her some recognition, and so I did in front of the entire group, and then I was like, Oh, this is gonna be great, I can recognize her, this is awesome.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_02: And then everybody goes out to work, she goes into her office, start doing things, and she starts crying.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_02: And I walk in, and you know, are you okay?
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_02: What's what's going on?
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_02: And she said, I really hate recognition in front of a group of people.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_02: It makes me feel so horrible and self-conscious.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm thinking, and then this goes back to this point.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_02: It comes down to do we really know our people?
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_02: Do we have these positive interactions?
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_02: Do we are we investing into getting to know them according to their needs, not just how we think that they should or um would appreciate something?
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: All right, let's uh apply that, make this personal to us and give you direction for your table.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_01: Uh the real question here at the end is are you a bucket filler or a bucket dipper?
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_01: Fill someone's bucket today.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: Next week, by the way, the ideal team player, you're gonna love that book.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: Now, um let's recite this memory verse and then I'll give you questions for your table.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: Let's say this out loud together.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_02: Encourage one another and build each other up.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_02: First Thessalonians 511.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: So uh here are five questions that uh we've massaged for your table.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I think the first thing you need to do since this is week one is go around and just ask each other what name do you like to be called, where do you work, you know, so so your name, where you work, and then here are some questions that should help fill your bucket even as you sit here, and because these are good questions that you can use to fill people's buckets.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: Uh number one, what are your hot buttons, hobbies, or interests you like to talk about a lot?
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_01: Obviously, those are things that fill your bucket, even just talking about them will do that.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: Number two, what fills your bucket increases your positive emotion the most.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_01: What fills your bucket the most?
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_01: Third, what and and oh I won't say that.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: Third, what type of recognition or praise do you like best?
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_01: Public, private, verbal or written?
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_01: Gift certificate, award, meaningful note, gifts of large cash.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: Uh number four, what's the greatest recognition you have ever received?
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_01: And fifth, what is one way you will fill someone's bucket today?
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_01: What's one way you are gonna fill your wife's bucket?
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_01: All right, those are your questions.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_01: Start by getting to know one another uh a little bit.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_01: And um and Tom, thanks so much for breakfast.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_01: All right, I'm gonna leave those uh questions up and uh hopefully we'll see you next week for an amazing book.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_02: Should we pray first?
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, let's do it.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_02: Let's pray.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_02: Heavenly Father, thanks that we get to come together with all these business leaders, church leaders, community leaders.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_02: Help us to be bucket fillers today and the rest of this week and not be bucket dippers.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_02: In Jesus' name.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_02: Amen.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_01: And by the way, for those of you here for the first time, we're starting at 6.15 rather than 6 in the past because we decided eat for 15 minutes, talk for about 30, meet for about 30.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_01: We try to dismiss by about 7.30 because a lot of guys need to be at work promptly at 8 or a little before.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_02: Also, if you need to leave and you need to be at work before then, or if you've got things you got to do, feel free just to you know, you don't have to sign out or anything.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_02: And you know what?
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_02: If you run do your thing.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, if you run through the questions uh by 7 20 uh at your table, spend five minutes and pray for each other.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_01: That would be a great thing to do.