Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / Why Your Best Hire Is Failing As A Manager
Transcript
- Lucas: There is a specific kind of panic that sets in about six weeks after someone gets promoted from individual contributor to manager. It is not the panic of not knowing what to do. It is the panic of realizing they know exactly what to do, but they are doing it themselves instead of teaching it to their team. Luna: Right. They become the single point of failure because they cannot trust anyone else to execute the work the way they can. Lucas: Exactly. And this is the trap we see constantly, especially in tech and sales organizations. You promote your best coder or your top account executive because they are reliable, fast, and accurate. But reliability at the individual level is actually a liability at the managerial level if you do not adjust your behavior. Luna: So the very trait that got them promoted becomes the thing that breaks their new team's autonomy. Lucas: Let me give you a concrete example. Imagine a senior software engineer named David. David writes clean code, catches bugs before they hit production, and never misses a deadline. His director promotes him to lead a four-person team. In week one, David is thrilled. By week three, his team is frustrated. Why? Because whenever they hit a snag, David jumps in, rewrites their code, and fixes the bug himself. Luna: Because he thinks he is saving the project timeline, but he is actually creating a dependency loop. Lucas: Precisely. And here is the kicker. David’s direct reports start hiding their mistakes from him. They would rather struggle through a messy solution than risk David taking over and rewriting their work. So the team’s velocity actually drops, even though David is working harder than ever. Luna: It is the classic case of managing by doing rather than managing by enabling. Lucas: The problem is that David’s performance metrics used to be based on output. Lines of code written, tickets closed, features shipped. Now his success should be measured by his team’s output. But those two things are often inversely related in the short term. If David spends time coaching Elena on how to write her own tests, the feature will take two days longer to ship. David feels like he is failing. Luna: But if he doesn't coach her, Elena remains dependent on him forever. Lucas: Yes. And so David makes a choice that seems logical in the moment: he prioritizes the immediate deliverable over the long-term capability of the team. He becomes the bottleneck. Every decision, every code review, every architectural choice funnels through him. He is no longer a multiplier; he is a gatekeeper. Luna: It sounds like he is still trying to earn his keep as an individual contributor, rather than stepping into the role of a leader. Lucas: That is exactly it. New managers often feel imposter syndrome. They worry that if they stop coding or selling, they are losing their value proposition to the company. So they cling to the tasks they are good at. But leadership is a completely different skill set. It requires patience, ambiguity tolerance, and emotional intelligence. These are much slower to develop than technical proficiency. Luna: So how do you break that cycle? How does David realize he is the problem? Lucas: Usually, it takes external feedback. Maybe HR notices that the team’s turnover rate is rising. Maybe the VP of Engineering sees that David is working eighty-hour weeks while his team leaves at five. Or maybe David himself feels exhausted and unfulfilled, despite having a successful quarter. The signal is always there. It is just hard to see when you are in the weeds. Luna: I think a lot of new managers also lack the vocabulary to describe what they are feeling. They just know they are tired. Lucas: True. And without a framework for understanding their new role, they default to habit. They go back to what made them successful before. But the rules have changed. The goal is no longer personal excellence. The goal is collective effectiveness. Luna: It is a fundamental shift in identity. From being the hero to being the coach. Lucas: And that is a difficult transition because coaches don't get the glory. When the team wins, the players get the applause. The coach stays in the background. For someone used to being the star performer, that anonymity can be jarring. Luna: It requires a different kind of satisfaction. Deriving joy from seeing someone else succeed rather than doing it yourself. Lucas: Right. And this is where mentorship becomes critical. New managers need a sponsor who has been through this transition. Someone who can tell them, 'David, I know you want to fix this bug, but let Sarah try first. Even if she fails, she will learn something valuable.' Luna: Allowing failure as a learning tool is hard for perfectionists. Lucas: It is incredibly hard. But the cost of preventing all failure is higher in the long run. You create a team that cannot function without you. And then, inevitably, you burn out. Or you get promoted again, leaving a vacuum in your old role. Luna: Which creates a chain reaction of instability across the organization. Lucas: Exactly. This is why companies invest heavily in leadership training. Not to teach people how to run meetings or write emails, but to help them dismantle their old habits. To recognize when they are slipping back into individual contributor mode. Luna: Do you think remote work makes this harder? Because you can't see your team struggling in real time. Lucas: It definitely changes the dynamic. In an office, you might overhear frustration or see body language. Remotely, you rely on data and scheduled check-ins. Which means you have to be more intentional about asking the right questions. Instead of 'Is everything okay?', which everyone answers with 'Yes', you ask 'What is the hardest part of this task for you right now?' Luna: Specific questions force specificity. It cuts through the polite veneer. Lucas: Exactly. And it signals that you are interested in their process, not just their output. That shifts the focus from execution to development. Luna: It is subtle, but it changes the entire relationship dynamic. Lucas: One practical step new managers can take is to audit their own calendar. Look at the last month. How many hours did you spend doing hands-on work versus coaching, planning, or removing blockers? If the hands-on work is more than twenty percent, you probably need to pull back. Luna: That is a stark metric. Twenty percent seems low, but it is realistic for true delegation. Lucas: It is. And it feels wrong at first. You feel like you are slacking off. But you are actually building capacity. You are investing in the future productivity of the team. Luna: It is a long game. Whereas fixing the bug yourself is an instant win. Lucas: Instant gratification is the enemy of good management. Managers have to train themselves to tolerate the discomfort of watching someone else make a mistake, as long as that mistake is small and educational. Luna: Or finding a way to fail safely. Lucas: Yes. Create safe environments for trial and error. Sandboxes, test projects, low-stakes assignments. Let them practice before they are responsible for the client-facing deliverable. Luna: It really comes down to trust. Trusting your team to grow, even if it takes longer. Lucas: Trust is the foundation. Without it, you micromanage. With it, you empower. And empowerment is what turns a group of individuals into a high-performing team. Luna: So the next time you feel the urge to jump in and save the day, pause. Ask yourself if you are helping or hindering. Lucas: That pause is everything. It gives you space to choose the harder, better path. Coaching over doing. Luna: And that is how you build a legacy as a leader, not just a worker. Lucas: If we've helped you think through a career move or decision, a couple of dollars a month is genuinely what keeps these going. You can support us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It covers server costs and helps us keep producing ad-free content for you. Luna: It really makes a difference in our ability to research these topics deeply. Thank you for considering it. Lucas: Back to David. Once he starts pulling back, what happens to the team? Luna: They initially struggle, but then they start solving problems independently. Confidence grows. Lucas: And David finally gets his time back. He can focus on strategy, hiring, and process improvement. He becomes a true multiplier. Luna: A transformation that benefits everyone involved. Lucas: It is a challenging shift, but one that defines great leaders. Who do you think finds it harder, the new manager or the company supporting them?