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Face the Pain, Find Freedom · Fierce Encouragement

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Fierce Encouragement.
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: This is Mark Walker.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: There's no intro music today or lead-in, just breath in my chest and this truth in your ears.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Just a quick confession here.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: As you probably know, I'm not immune to avoidance and hesitation, my sobriety.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Work has taught me that the pain I don't face becomes that pain that runs my life on autopilot in the background my anger, my depression and sadness, my addictive urges, the shame of those mistakes I wish I could erase.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: And those moments really, though, they don't define me.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: They're kind of like the clouds or the weather in the sky.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: They're not my identity, but if I refuse to turn and face them and watch them, well, that weather can turn into climate change.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: If you will, today I just wanted to hand you a practice that has helped me again and again in those moments.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: It's called the reversal of desire, and it's three main moves or three points, and you can practice this in 30 seconds or less, and you can use it right before an action you need to take.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Use it when you want to hide or kind of fade into the background.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: Use it when you're about to open your mouth during a hard conversation with a loved one or at work.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Use it when that urge hits you and your old patterns start whispering to you in your mind.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: And this is the tool, and it comes from Phil Stutz.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Step one turn and face the pain.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: Name it.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Feel that pain in your body.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Notice where it's coming up as you take a couple breaths.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Picture it as a black cloud in front of you, heavy, close the thing you don't want to feel.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: The second step, step two move towards it.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Don't back up, step in step towards it and say inwardly, with intensity, to yourself bring it on.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: I love pain.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Pain sets me free.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Let those words be the fuel as you keep moving towards that and through that cloud, that dark cloud.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: The third step is freedom.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: See the cloud, spit you out on the other side after you say those.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Spit you out on the other side after you say those statements.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Imagine that fear and that light opening up.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Say to yourself this sets me free.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: And then take that action you were avoiding.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Do the work, have the conversation.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: Hit that workout.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: This is the whole game, this is the whole tool, and again, it's from Phil Stutz and it's something that's helping me.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: And let me really just bring this home with a true story from my life.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Well, there was a night when that old addiction, that old pull was really loud.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: I could feel that mix of restlessness and sadness in my head and I used to turn that into numbing out, kind of avoiding, and of course my mind comes up with a hundred clever justifications for my addictions.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: With a hundred clever justifications for my addictions, Honestly.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: I remember walking to the kitchen and just stopping, putting my hands on the counter and breathing slow, and I closed my eyes and I practiced that tool.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: I faced the pain, I moved towards it and then I spit out from the dark cloud and felt that freedom.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: There's that black cloud, there's that ache in my chest, that knot in my throat.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Again, I just stepped towards it.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: I say that, saying to myself bring it on, I love this pain, it sets me free.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: And I literally walked straight through it In my mind.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: I saw the images and I stayed with that feeling for just five breaths and that cloud did let me go it, let me out.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: And I did feel a lightness return to my physical body and instead of a beer, I filled a glass with water and a little lemon juice.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: I texted a friend the truth about what was going on and then I did the right thing, the next thing that was on my list, and simply that night I did not become a relapse, I didn't start a bad habit again and it became a rep for me, like a rep for freedom and a rep towards my sobriety and, most importantly, just remembering that a clear mind and a good night of sleep and positive energy was the thing I was going towards.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: And you can do that.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: You can do it in the hallway right before a tough meeting.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: You could do it in your car before you walk into a tense room.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Maybe again it's with a conversation with a loved meeting.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: You could do it in your car before you walk into a tense room.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Maybe again it's with a conversation with a loved one or a difficult conversation at work.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: You could do it at your desk when your projects look like a mountain and your brain just wants to doom, scroll or shop on Amazon or whatever it is that you do that's addictive and pulls you away.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: You could do it in the moment that the urge to quit shows up.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: Now, this tool is not magic.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: It's more like a muscle and we build it up by using it, and really this is why it matters.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: We think avoiding pain protects us.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: That's what our brain tells us, but really it does not.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Avoidance feeds the thing we fear.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Think about that.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Avoidance feeds that thing we want to move away from.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: And again, phil Stutz and his co-author, barry Michaels, call this out directly in their book, the Tools.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: This tool is a deliberate reversal of pain.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: We face that pain, you step into it, you move into it, and then that dark cloud, that difficulty, almost spits you out.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: On the other side of it is this forward motion.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: And now those are their words, those are their steps, and I just really encourage you to use them exactly as they spell them out.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: And our imagination isn't just cute, or, you know, we can make up, play things in our mind.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: It's really powerful and it's something that we forget about the power of our imagination.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: Lanny Basham, he's an Olympic sharpshooter champion and he built up mental management.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: He calls it, and he teaches us that our self image cannot tell the difference between something happening in our life for real and something that we vividly imagine, which means that if we mentally rehearse changes and things we want to do, it helps us show up in real time with them.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: So you can practice this tool with your eyes closed, like I said, in the car, in the hallway, right before you go into the room, and it leaves grooves in you, in your brain.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: The next time that pain shows up, your body will have a little bit of momentum, already knowing what it needs to do to kind of get through.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: So let's make this real right now.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: I want you to do this with me.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: If you're driving, obviously, keep your eyes open, but breathe for a moment with me and think of one thing that you might be avoiding today or this week.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's the call you need to make, maybe it's your workout, maybe it's that money decision, or it's a conversation where your ego and pride might take that hit.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: I want you to see that black cloud in front of you.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: I want you to feel that weight in your chest, that heaviness.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Now step in and say it silently to yourself, like you mean it.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Bring it on, I love pain, pain sets me free.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Say it again Bring it on, I love pain.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Pain sets me free.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Now, next, see that cloud kind of spit you out and push you out on the other side.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: Feel your shoulders drop, feel your jaw soften, or feel that tightness just dissipate a little bit.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: Maybe your eyes feel a little brighter.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: Now picture yourself taking that first tiny action.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's just sending that email, maybe it's that one rep, or maybe it's just one sentence.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: See that one tiny step.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: This isn't just self-help fluff, it's a trained response, something we can use and it really works.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: But you have to put it into play, you have to practice it.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Here's a quote from marcus aurelius that really anchors this down, really grounds it into our life.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: You could leave life right now.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: Let that determine what you do and say and think.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: Our time here is not guaranteed.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Stop waiting for that perfect mood or to feel like it.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: Act today.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: Second, a line that rolls through my head when I start to drift and kind of go off balance or want to numb out Received, understood, owned.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: In radio speak, this kind of message helps me to know that it's been received and understood.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: It isn't a debate anymore, it's an acknowledgement, it's giving myself a command, like in the military or in aviation Received, understood, owned.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: And that's the whole point.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: We receive our own messages, we give ourself a command and we move on it.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure if you've heard of David Goggins, but sometimes he'll use that word ROGER, framed up as a mindset acronym.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: It's really popular and it's something you might see in other podcasts or have heard Received orders given, expect results.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: Roger.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: It's the acronym R-O-G-E-R.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: Received orders given, expect results.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: And whether or not you adopt those letters or that acronym, the spirit is the same.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: You take the order, you own the outcome, you stop arguing with reality and you move, roger that.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: So let me challenge you the way I try to challenge myself and I have been challenging myself this week.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: Do three deliberate reps of the reversal of desire tool we talked about above.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Step into that cloud, see it spitting you out after you love that pain.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Three, that's it.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: Do it before a big meeting, do it before one difficult call or conversation.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Do it right before that one workout where your legs feel like they might be cement or worn out, and use that exact sequence of language.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: One face the pain, see the cloud.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Two, move towards it.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: Bring it on.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: I love pain.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: Pain sets me free.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: And three, step out of that other side of it and take that one deliberate micro.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: If it needs to be action Now, if you feel lazy or apathetic or maybe even hopeless, don't wait for the motivation.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: Use your imagination to generate that motion.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: Sit down, close your eyes for even 15 seconds.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: Run that sequence.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: Stand up and do the smallest true thing.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Put on your shoes, walk around the block, open that document and write your two sentences, pick up that phone and say the first honest line your life changes when you move your feet, when you move into action.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: It doesn't change just by absorbing more information.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: And here's a quick word on mistakes.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: You're not alone.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: I've made lots of them.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: You have too, I'm sure.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: But those mistakes are not you.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: They are not fixed or enduring in your character.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: When that old anger or frustration or laziness arises, or even when that dark fog of depression kind of comes and sits on your chest, or when that addictive whisper starts to show up, hey, it's okay, don't worry about it, it's not going to hurt you.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: Tonight I want you to use it.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: Give yourself that order, roger, that Use it as a training bell for you.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: Imagine that's the bell to get in the ring.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Your pain is not the enemy, it's a door.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: It's a door to walk through and it's actually a good sign, stepping towards it instead of falling back into that comfort.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: And if you wanted, like a micro practice, try this In the morning.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: Visualize one cloud you will face today and run that tool through once At lunch or at noon.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Run it again before a task that you do not want to do.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: Run that tool, run that micro practice again and in the evening maybe just take time, 30 seconds, to write one sentence about how you used it and how you felt on the other side.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: Three minutes, that is it.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Be really patient, be persistent.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: Know that it's not going to happen right away, you're not going to feel better immediately after one rep, but these reps do add up.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: So if you make that commitment to practice, it will show.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: And if you need a line to carry it into the heat of your own battle during the day, use this little stack of lines.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: Message received, roger.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: That Received, understood and owned.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: Bring it on.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: I love pain.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Pain sets me free.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Write those down.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: If you need to Live from that place of choice, stop waiting for chance to give you anything.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: Be useful.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: Don't let yourself be used, even if your money is tight, your body is sore and maybe hurt or your relationships feel raw.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: You have that imagination.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: Use it.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: You have that breath to connect, to Connect with it and then take the next little step in the right direction.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: Use this today, and if this episode hit you in the heart and punched you in the gut awesome I'd beg you to send it to one person who needs to hear this and then do your first rep.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: Do not just learn this train in it, be with it, put it into the arena and play well today.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Roger that Thank you very much for listening.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: It's an honor to be on this podcast with you.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: I appreciate your time and if you want to pay me back, share this podcast and then get after it.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: Do one thing today that'll help you be better tomorrow and going forward.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: Have a good day, a good evening, wherever you're at, and we'll see you next time on Fierce Encouragement.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: Take care, bye-bye.