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Peacemaking Through Pain - Jill Lowe · Christian Business Growth Podcast

• 0:01
  Hello and welcome to the Christian Business Growth Podcast.
• 0:04
  I'm here with Jill Lowe.
• 0:06
  She's an attorney, she's a divorce attorney, but she's a collaborative attorney.
• 0:10
  So we're going to hear a lot more about that and everything.
• 0:12
  But first, Jill, tell us your story.
• 0:14
  How did God get you into business?
• 0:16
  Yeah.
• 0:17
  So it's a great question.
• 0:19
  Originally I started in, I was a litigation attorney and doing litigation work, it was a little high conflict.
• 0:32
  I was in and out of the courtroom, kind of, it's a little destructive.
• 0:37
  And then I did that for about 10 years and then I experienced my own health issues.
• 0:44
  I ended up having cancer.
• 0:47
  And in that journey, I rediscovered my faith, depended upon God, learned more about Jesus, accepted Jesus into my own heart and started to follow him and read the Bible and just
• 1:03
  kind of turn away from my old ways.
• 1:08
  And then I took some time off after having recovered from the cancer surgeries and treatments and
• 1:15
  and everything and I kind of ask God like, what is my purpose?
• 1:22
  What am I doing?
• 1:24
  What do you have planned for me?
• 1:25
  Because I just went through years of recovering and he talked to me, nudged me, pushed me back into doing family law work and divorce work.
• 1:40
  But I needed to do it a different way.
• 1:44
  And um so I shifted and changed to doing collaborative divorce work instead of the litigation work where it's more um family focused and amicable.
• 1:59
  It's out of court.
• 2:00
  um It's a much more relaxed atmosphere and the end result is.
• 2:08
  focus on settlement and preserving relationships.
• 2:11
  And I just felt like that was more aligned with my new perspective and how I was going to live my new life.
• 2:22
  Explain to someone who doesn't understand what the collaborative process is versus just a divorce, because it's still a process of divorce, probably.
• 2:30
  Right.
• 2:32
  Yeah, it's still a process of divorce.
• 2:34
  um But in the collaborative process, the goal is to settle and the goal is to preserve relationships.
• 2:45
  It's all confidential.
• 2:46
  It's out of court.
• 2:48
  We focus on goals and interests, not positions.
• 2:51
  The attorneys are working together as a team and we're all collaborating and working through settlement options that will
• 3:00
  hopefully meet everybody's goals and will also um help the children and the families, whether they have grandchildren, adopted children.
• 3:14
  so it's a more healing approach than litigation.
• 3:20
  And litigation can be a little cold and impersonal.
• 3:25
  This is much more personalized to the family.
• 3:30
  I love that you said healing because divorce in general is combative in the way people look at it and the way people act in it.
• 3:37
  And you and I were talking about before, it's all about communication.
• 3:40
  Communication is the key.
• 3:41
  And when two people are communicating opposite ends, there's just a fight in the middle.
• 3:45
  And you're separating that fight and bringing clarity in the center.
• 3:49
  there's a healing for that process, which I think that's very biblical.
• 3:55
  We won't go into the divorce factor of a Christian necessarily.
• 3:59
  Hopefully no one has to get a divorce, but we know there are circumstances in our world that sometimes it just happens and it's sad.
• 4:05
  It's a sad process.
• 4:06
  But I'm glad that there's somebody who's a Christian who could pray for those people who can be on their side.
• 4:11
  I'm glad that you're doing that.
• 4:13
  It's putting yourself in a position.
• 4:15
  And the Bible talks about being peacemakers as well.
• 4:19
  And I mean, there's going to be conflict naturally in a divorce process because you're dealing with very emotional issues.
• 4:26
  know, breakdown of a marriage, time with children, finances.
• 4:32
  I mean, it is highly emotional.
• 4:34
  There's conflict, but there's ways to manage it.
• 4:37
  Manage the conflict instead of escalating it.
• 4:40
  ah So.
• 4:44
  That makes sense.
• 4:45
  So what is God currently doing in your business?
• 4:47
  Yeah, well, so a lot of things.
• 4:52
  God is providing opportunities to spread the word about the collaborative process so that people who unfortunately find themselves in that situation know that there's another
• 5:07
  option out there.
• 5:10
  God is also providing um in many ways connecting um
• 5:17
  and just having to depend upon him for provision.
• 5:23
  That's good.
• 5:23
  Could you tell us more about that?
• 5:25
  What are you having to provide?
• 5:26
  Or what are you having time for?
• 5:28
  That's something.
• 5:29
  I know we like to dig a little bit and lawyers try to keep it simple.
• 5:34
  But what are some things that as a human in the world, as a person of faith, that you really have to set up and set yourself aside and say, I've got to really rely on God in
• 5:45
  this rather than trying to take it all off myself?
• 5:47
  Because lawyers...
• 5:48
  I have a couple lawyer clients, they want to do everything themselves.
• 5:51
  And they always tell me, Lyle, I hate that I have to listen to you because you know what you're talking about.
• 5:55
  So what can I explain that a little bit for us?
• 5:58
  Well, I think there's a lot.
• 6:00
  It's really hard to release and to not be self-reliant.
• 6:06
  A lot of times I can be very impatient and I have all over my house of pray, trust, wait, kind of in that order.
• 6:20
  And so I constantly have to remind myself that, you know, taking it to God and praying to Him about it.
• 6:28
  but I have to trust him, to trust that he is going to make a way and it might not be the way that I want it to be, but it's going to be his way.
• 6:37
  And I just have to wait because there's a lot of temptation to kind of take it in my own hands and to rely on myself.
• 6:45
  And I have to realize that that's not the way that we were designed.
• 6:49
  um And so I have to depend upon him to provide and he does.
• 6:54
  Whether...
• 6:56
  it's a short period of time or a long period of time or it might not be the way that I prayed for it but there's another provision and so I'm constantly having to remind myself
• 7:06
  of that and he does he shows up.
• 7:09
  Yeah, thanks for sharing that because a lot of people, don't realize, you know, God's like this coach.
• 7:14
  He can see the whole field and we just see this whole little portion.
• 7:17
  We don't realize what's coming next and God's got a whole big plan.
• 7:20
  Our previous episode, this guy had this very long process in his life, but he shared, you know, that was God just setting him up for where he's at right now.
• 7:30
  And it's good to see when God takes people through that process.
• 7:33
  Even you going from litigation.
• 7:35
  finding your faith and then going into a peacemaking process rather than a litigation process.
• 7:42
  That's unique the way God's developed you in this process.
• 7:46
  Yeah, and sometimes, I I always will look back and I'll remind myself of what he did for me then and what he's going to do for me now.
• 7:56
  And so I just have to remember that.
• 8:00
  Do you journal?
• 8:01
  Do you write those things down?
• 8:02
  I do, I do, and I kind of have them in my phone, like my notes, but it's just, sometimes they are so significant that they are just in your memory and you just don't forget.
• 8:13
  Absolutely.
• 8:14
  Yeah, there's a John A.
• 8:15
  Cuff, I think one of his processes is to make a list of awesome moments.
• 8:20
  So whenever you're having those down times, you can go back and remind yourself.
• 8:23
  And I would just call them God moments, write down those moments where God came through in a unique way and look back at those.
• 8:29
  Because sometimes we have those little dips.
• 8:31
  It sounds like you had a dip with cancer, but God used that in a good way.
• 8:35
  I hate that you have to go through that, by the way.
• 8:37
  But it's amazing to see how God's brought you through it and brought you to something even bigger and exciting.
• 8:43
  Yep, purpose and the pain.
• 8:45
  That's the way it is.
• 8:46
  that's a good way to phrase it.
• 8:47
  Thank you for sharing that.
• 8:48
  So we're going to slip into our business growth concept.
• 8:52
  What are some tips you have for someone who's in business who might want to take their business in next level?
• 8:56
  What are some business growth tips you would have?
• 8:58
  Yeah.
• 8:59
  So just having in the last several years, just kind of re developed and rebranded myself, my, my business of who I am professionally.
• 9:11
  I think the tips are, know, you have to have these core values and you have to have these core principles that you are going to build on and you have to stay true to them.
• 9:24
  Stay true to your core values, your core principles.
• 9:28
  And when you're ever encountered with a situation where it might compromise them, that's when you know that you need to say no.
• 9:37
  I always keep my priorities in the forefront, my faith, my family, my health.
• 9:44
  And so if anything is compromising that, always, I know it's just not meant for my growth and for my business growth.
• 9:53
  And like just...
• 9:56
  not compromising.
• 9:57
  Often it's so tempting, but I just keep going back to my principles, my values, my priorities, and if they don't align, then I know it's not for me.
• 10:10
  But I do know that if I stay true to my values, true to my principles, keep my prayers in forefront, then there will be success.
• 10:20
  And it might take a little bit of time, but eventually there'll be success.
• 10:24
  Makes sense.
• 10:25
  And do you keep yours handy?
• 10:26
  Like, do you have a memorized day on your wall close by?
• 10:30
  Yeah, sometimes I'll put like stickies on my desk too.
• 10:35
  um But I pretty much, just having done it and repeatedly, I just have them here.
• 10:42
  So I know what's important.
• 10:43
  But I mean, I think putting stickies around the desk or on your monitor or by your phone is definitely ways to remind yourself.
• 10:54
  And all over my office, I'll have scripture as well.
• 10:59
  and um motivational items and it just really helps me to remember all of that and keep it in focus.
• 11:10
  That's cool.
• 11:10
  And would you mind sharing a of your core values?
• 11:14
  I think some people, when they hear core values, they think of the typical businessy things.
• 11:18
  But when you add God into it, you're adding a whole different level of core values.
• 11:22
  Yeah, so a core value to me is service.
• 11:27
  Like I am serving God and I'm serving families and I'm serving couples.
• 11:33
  And so, and that kind of is aligned with my job as a collaborative divorce attorney.
• 11:40
  Like I am serving my clients and I'm serving their families and serving the process and serving God in it and trying to be a peacemaker.
• 11:48
  So if I'm in a situation and it's
• 11:52
  not aligning, then I know and I'll feel that internal tug and I just know that I have to either reevaluate it, shift, or it's not something for my business.
• 12:08
  And when you were developing these, how did you come up with them?
• 12:11
  Like if someone doesn't have those core values, they don't know where to start, what tips would you have for them?
• 12:16
  So, tips I would take some time to develop them.
• 12:22
  You kind of just have to journal, you have to pray about them, but you have to reflect on them.
• 12:29
  so take time, it's not gonna have just happen right away.
• 12:34
  It's really kind of walking through them in your mind, journaling, praying, reading scripture, and just really kind of developing, okay, what are my core principles?
• 12:44
  not only for business, but in life as well.
• 12:48
  And there's a lot of resources online that you can figure out how I've got a whole bunch.
• 12:52
  I've got a, what I call a manifesto on my wall that takes those core values and then pushes them to a statement of transformation, like how that affects the world around me.
• 13:02
  An impact is like my core value and the others feed off of that value.
• 13:07
  As a matter of fact, if you need help with the core values, reach out to one of us.
• 13:10
  We'll help you with the process of learning core values.
• 13:13
  Can help you understand a little bit.
• 13:15
  ah
• 13:16
  So what's another core value?
• 13:19
  You said service is one.
• 13:20
  What's another core value you have?
• 13:22
  Well, and my faith as well.
• 13:26
  just, I keep it very close to me.
• 13:30
  And so, you know, I have this right here that says, I am a Christ follower who happens to be blank.
• 13:42
  And it's so true.
• 13:43
  Like, I am a Christ follower who happens to be an attorney.
• 13:47
  So there is a way to blend.
• 13:51
  kind of what you do professionally with your core value of being a Christian and a believer.
• 13:58
  And it's hard as an attorney and in the law profession, but it is something that's important to me.
• 14:09
  And so not saying I never turn away a client based on religion or anything like that.
• 14:16
  That's not what I mean when I say a core value.
• 14:19
  It just means on
• 14:20
  how I am approaching the situation in the case as their attorney.
• 14:25
  And I really try to keep that in mind for.
• 14:29
  That's great.
• 14:31
  Yeah, I think core values is something we kind of, I don't know, you go through a business training and you go to the business executive plan and you do all this stuff and you write
• 14:39
  these little core values on a piece of paper and you're like, oh, I got them and you set them aside and you never live them out.
• 14:44
  They just become part of, I think when you put them in front of you, it keeps you reminded of how God's developed you, how God's created you and where you're going with those.
• 14:53
  Let me share a few of mine because mine are slightly different because I do mine differently than...
• 14:58
  One of mine is action leads to growth.
• 15:00
  I understand if I don't take action, can't grow.
• 15:02
  That's two parts of it.
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  uh Faith leads to impact.
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  When you align with God, you're going to have a greater impact through the kingdom of God.
• 15:11
  Integrity leads to stewardship.
• 15:14
  Everything we do financially has to align with God's values and then realize it's not yours, it's God's.
• 15:19
  God's a CEO.
• 15:20
  I'm just second in charge.
• 15:22
  I'm just the one that's implementing the plan that He created.
• 15:26
  ah My last one is responsibility leads to ownership.
• 15:29
  And that's when you're dealing with a team, realizing that each individual team member is an owner of what you're giving them the permission to do what God's called them to do, not
• 15:40
  just saying, follow my permissions and what I want to do and everything.
• 15:43
  So when you work with other lawyers and everything, how do you work with that collaborative process?
• 15:47
  Do you all have a chat ahead of time where you guys are kind of creating a strategy and everything?
• 15:52
  Tell us how that works in your process.
• 15:54
  Yeah, so in the collaborative divorce process, the only thing that's really required in Texas is each party has a collaborative attorney or an attorney.
• 16:06
  And some are collaboratively trained.
• 16:08
  We hope that they're all collaboratively trained because it's a very different mind shift and a very different approach than the litigation process.
• 16:16
  And then once each party hires their attorney than the attorney's talk, confirm
• 16:23
  We are handling it in the collaborative process and then there's some onboarding kind of documents.
• 16:29
  We have a participation agreement that outlines everyone's roles, responsibilities, code of conduct.
• 16:37
  You know, we based this on transparency.
• 16:39
  So we ask that the parties are transparent and honest in the process and share information.
• 16:46
  We also ask that it's confidential.
• 16:50
  So we ask that.
• 16:51
  Things that are said in our meetings are not repeated outside of the meetings.
• 16:57
  um So once kind of there's a commitment to the process, attorneys are hired.
• 17:04
  Sometimes we bring in neutral professionals, like a mental health professional who does not diagnose or treat, just there to facilitate.
• 17:12
  And sometimes we bring in neutral financial professional to collect the data, prepare spreadsheets that are on the team.
• 17:19
  And then we just start.
• 17:20
  We have meetings, we work on their goals, we share goals, we collect financial information, we share the financial information.
• 17:30
  Once all the information is gathered, everyone feels ready to make decisions, then we'll sit down and kind of talk about different settlement options and then we'll land on one
• 17:44
  that works for everybody.
• 17:47
  Great.
• 17:48
  So as we end up here, tell us what's one little word of wisdom you want to leave us with, and then how can we get in touch with
• 17:55
  Okay, so I would just say don't wait.
• 17:58
  If you wanna make a change, start today.
• 18:00
  And that's never too late.
• 18:03
  so you can connect, our business website is gbafamilylaw.com.
• 18:09
  My Instagram is Loewecollaborative.
• 18:12
  And my LinkedIn is Jill Loewe.
• 18:15
  Great.
• 18:16
  Well, thanks for sharing your story today.
• 18:17
  Yeah, thank you for having me.