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Why do narcissists fear being ordinary or average · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So one of a narcissist biggest fears is the fear of being
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  ordinary or average. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock and welcome to another episode of the
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  narcissist code. Yes, y'all, yes, yes, yes.
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  Woo. The fear of being ordinary.
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  I know I I get a lot of people that ask me what are narcissists
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  afraid of? Are narcissists afraid of
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  anything like narcissistic people or some type of
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  superhumans? Like, they are just this just
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  metallic, robotic person that cannot be hurt, that cannot be
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  harmed in any way. They're just like, they have no
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  emotions. They're a robotic meat sock,
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  robotic meat sack, the narcissistic robot here to hurt
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  you and destroy the world. That's what a lot of people
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  think right there. A lot of people get into their
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  minds that narcissists only can do that.
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  That's how a narcissist operates.
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  That's how a narcissist behaves. They put it into their heads
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  like, this is it right here, you know?
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  And that happens a lot of times when you're dealing with
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  narcissistic people. Y'all like, this is the big one
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  of the biggest fears. It's literally the fear of being
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  ordinary. But why though?
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  But why do narcissists fear being ordinary?
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  I know a lot of people think they're just like, well, there's
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  nothing wrong with being average.
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  Yeah, y'all have I come to believe that there's nothing
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  wrong with being average? Yeah, that's how my mind works.
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  As a human being, I know that there is nothing wrong with
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  being average. But in the mind of a narcissist,
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  there's a lot wrong with being average.
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  It just means that I'm worthless.
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  It means that I have no meaning here.
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  It means that my life does not mean as much as I think it's
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  supposed to mean. My life is not.
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  My life doesn't have the power that I think.
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  It's supposed to have my life. Like I'm not as important as I
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  think I am. So I fear being ordinary.
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  I fear fitting in. Because if I you know, delusions
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  of grandeur and fulfillment that look like the obsession with
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  power and things like that are part of narcissism, a part of
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  being a part of being a narcissist, y'all.
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  So in the mind of a narcissist, it will make sense you you see
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  what I'm saying? It makes sense in the mind of a
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  narcissist to have that mindset behind it to just like I cannot
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  fit in. Because if I fit in that means I
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  don't matter. That means that I am worthless.
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  And the thoughts in my head that, like the negative thoughts
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  that are floating around inside a narcissist's mind are already
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  telling the narcissist that they are not as important as they
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  think they are. You know, it's just like, I know
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  a lot of people think that narcissists like are super self
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  confident or super out there. Yeah, most narcissists that I've
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  met are extremely insecure people that are easy to hurt
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  feelings, easy to hurt, extremely easy to hurt.
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  You know, all you do is all you do, all you have to do to hurt
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  an artist's feelings. Y'all is disagree with them,
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  literally disagree with them. That's like, yeah, that that
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  really is it right there. To disagree with a narcissist
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  hurts their feelings, makes them feel worthless, makes them feel
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  like a bad person. There it is right there.
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  A bad person. If I'm ordinary, that means I.
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  That means I just, I don't stand out, which makes me feel like a
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  bad person, like a not a good person.
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  You see, I'm you see where the mind goes to it, where the mind
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  is at right here. When you're dealing with a
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  narcissistic person, they don't want to feel like a bad person,
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  but they do bad things, right? That's the that's the that's the
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  dilemma. I don't want to feel like a bad
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  person, but I can't help but do bad things.
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  I can't help but try to make myself happy.
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  I can't help but try not to fit in.
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  It's like, yeah, the fear of being ordinary turns a lot of
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  narcissist to pieces. And if they and that's that's
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  why, if you are more successful than a narcissist, you make them
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  feel ordinary. You make them feel average, you
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  make them feel less important. That's why if you are better
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  looking than than a narcissist, you make them feel ordinary.
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  You see what I'm saying? It all y'all.
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  It can all boil down back to the ordinary.
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  Why don't they like holidays? Because if they don't give a
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  good enough gift, if somebody else, if somebody else gives a
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  better gift than them, it makes them feel ordinary.
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  My gift that I gave is just another gift.
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  This is not all narcissists, y'all because I know somebody
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  will clip that part right there and say, Lee said narcissists
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  don't like the holidays because they don't give good gifts.
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  No, some narcissists give amazing gifts.
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  But I'm just saying if somebody else gives a better gift, Y'all
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  were seeing like method. You've seen the movie American
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  Psycho with Christian Bale in it.
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  Christian Bale in that movie is a psychopath, right?
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  And all psychopaths are narcissists at the baseline.
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  At the baseline of psychopathy is narcissism.
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  So all psychopaths are narcissists.
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  So. But you so you see when he had
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  his business card, his business card, right?
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  He's like, I got my business card.
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  This very unique, if y'all haven't seen the movie, he had a
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  very unique business card and like, he's a super successful
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  businessman and he had a beautiful business card.
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  He was showing it to his friends.
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  He's like, yeah, y'all like that, don't you?
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  It's elephant Tusk or whatever. He had it printed on and then
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  somebody else had a business card that was better than his
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  and he automatically got angry as how he didn't express it.
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  He had his fake smile on his face.
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  He's like, yo, it's beautiful. It's so nice is this elephant,
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  is this ivory elephant Tusk. And it was just better than his.
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  And he had imaginations in his imagination.
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  He started thinking about harming the person.
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  He wanted to harm the person because the person had a Better
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  Business card to him. Like how wild is that?
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  He literally wanted to cause harm to this person because the
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  person had a Better Business card than he did.
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  That is wild Y'all. That is a wild mindset to have.
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  That is a wild dynamic that that is a it.
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  It can drive you crazy, so to speak, you know?
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  But that's what happens. Like you, they don't want to be
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  ordinary. They don't want to fit in.
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  If I'm doing more, if I'm doing better, that means I'm a good
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  person. That means I'm a better person.
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  That means my life has meaning to it.
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  That means I have a purpose. There's a purpose behind my
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  life. There's a meaning behind my
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  life, you know? And there are just.
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  So I tell a lot of people, like a lot of narcissists, don't have
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  purpose. They don't have directions.
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  They lack meaning. So they don't want to be
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  ordinary because it's yeah, it's shameful.
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  It's embarrassing to be ordinary in the mind of a narcissist.
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  Let's keep it high, let's keep it real.
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  It's shameful. I'm not saying y'all, I know I
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  have narcissistic person. I have disorder.
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  But I'm not saying that it's shameful for you like to do
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  whatever you want to do in your life and you you might be an
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  average person. That's there's nothing wrong
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  with that. Y'all.
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  But narcissistic people hate being average in any way.
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  Y'all. Average height.
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  Average weight. Average.
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  Running speed. Average IQ average.
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  Yeah, yeah, I'm just telling you, think about think about the
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  narcissist in your life and think about if they liked being
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  average. They might have had an what some
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  people would consider an average job.
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  They might have worked at a job for 25 years, but most, a lot of
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  people don't work at jobs for 25 years.
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  They this would be I I stand out in my job, even though this
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  might be an average job, quote, UN quote, an average job.
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  I stand out here because I've been here longer, because I'm a
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  boss here, because I have seniority, because I know the
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  place inside and out, because everybody knows my name.
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  You see I might have an average place.
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  I might have an average job or whatever.
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  But I'm I'm not average here within this warehouse space.
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  I'm the I'm, I'm, I'm a go to person and within this warehouse
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  space and that's how I used to feel when I worked at I used to
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  work at Harris Teeter Distribution Center in
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  Greensboro in Greenville, NC, Worked there for almost 7 years.
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  Y'all. And that's how I felt.
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  I felt like it was an average job.
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  I felt in my mind, I felt like it was an average job, but I was
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  one of the best employees there. So I stood out there.
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  So when I was around people that were in the warehouse, they were
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  all talk about how good I was at the job.
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  So I was had an average job, but I was extraordinary at that job.
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  So sometimes narcissists will settle for that.
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  They'll settle for average space or average job or average
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  whatever, but they'll try to be extraordinary at it.
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  They'll try to stand out at their average in their average
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  space within this dynamic right here.
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  You know, because that's how my that's how my mind used to work.
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  Y'all and that's before self aware, that's before myself.
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  A word journey started like, because I started therapy in
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  2017, I quote Harris through the distribution center in 2017.
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  So it's just kind of all follows in line with that right there in
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  that space. So this was like, yeah, yeah, a
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  lot of narcissistic people think the same way it is.
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  A lot of narcissists think the same way.
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  A lot of narcissistic people behave the same way.
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  Because if you've dealt with one, if you dealt with a
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  narcissist, you cross the paths with a narcissist.
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  You know exactly what I'm talking about because you've
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  experienced it. You experience it, you
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  experience the the toxicity that exudes from them while they're
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  doing something average. It's like even if they go to a
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  small school or something like that, they have to try to stand
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  out at the small school. You know, it is wild.
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  Y'all The mindset of it all it it is y'all.
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  That fear of being ordinary propels a lot of narcissists to
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  take chances, to take, to do irrational things, to take
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  chances in order to stand out. That fear of being ordinary
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  drives a lot of narcissistic people absolutely insane.
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  It just it just does. Y'all and y'all, y'all will see
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  this. If y'all live with one or you
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  work with one, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.
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  Like the the threshold, the they the, the length that they will
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  go to in order to just stand out in the average position, even if
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  y'all married and whatever. If y'all married and y'all have
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  other friends that are married, they will try to do things
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  inside y'all's marriages just to stand out in front of everybody
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  else. But behind the scenes they're
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  treating you horribly but in front of other people they'll
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  just be lovey dovey they'll throw, they'll they'll they'll
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  turn up the they'll turn up the love switch, so to speak.
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  In this space, in this mindset, they will y'all, y'all y'all.
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  Know what I'm saying. Y'all get you understand exactly
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  what I'm saying. If you dealt with a narcissist,
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  Oh, my narcissist is the X. They felt they were horrible.
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  They felt so average. Like it's OK to be average.
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  No, it's not. I got ACI got a damn C You see
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  what I'm saying? That mindset makes them feel
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  like if I fit in, then I don't matter.
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  If I'm average, then I don't matter.
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  And if I if I feel like I don't matter, then shame takes over
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  and destroys that narcissistic person from the inside out.
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  Like a virus. Literally like a virus.
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  Like the like, literally. Like the shame virus from the
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  inside out just eats away at them and it hurts and it sucks.
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  Y'all and this isn't again y'all.
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  This is not me trying to make y'all feel bad for narcissists.
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  It's the people I know y'all have empathy.
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  I know y'all might be empaths and have a lot of empathy.
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  This is me just trying to let you know, to get to take a peek
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  inside the mindset of a narcissist, to let you know that
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  you're just, hey, look, this is where I'm at, this is where I'm
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  going, my, you know, this is the the, the crux of my life and
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  this is the the the the arrow that is pointed towards it.
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  So if you're dealing with a narcissist or tax person, just
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  understand that their fear of being ordinary, their fear of
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  being average, their fear of fitting in is probably going to
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  make them be erratic within your relationship space and not have
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  happiness. Just like the things that make
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  an average person quote UN quote happy will not make that
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  narcissistic person happy. Everybody has a wife and or a
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  husband and kids. Everybody's married and has
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  kids. Everybody has.
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  Everybody graduates from high school, everybody.
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  The things that make normal people, quote UN quote normal
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  people happy. Make a narcissist upset with
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  themselves because they feel like they're not normal.
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  They feel like they want to be just just extraordinary people.
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  That's just the mindset of it all.
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  Y'all, Thank you for tuning into another episode y'all of course
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  Holiday season is coming up. Buckle up for narcissistic
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  people doing this season. Y'all, stay tuned for more like
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  and subscribe and this is peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. Y'all.
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• 12:01
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