Latest / The Rave Social Podcast / 57 How Our Relationships Shape and Support Our Mission with Tay and Claire

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57 How Our Relationships Shape and Support Our Mission with Tay and Claire · The Rave Social Podcast

• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Hello everyone and welcome back to the Rave Social Podcast.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Jaden, and today we have Tay and Claire.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Tay and Claire are my personal breathwork mentors.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I can truly say that they are not like most somatic practitioners.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: They're not just another couple of stale therapists or spiritual fluffheads who went to a weekend training and now call themselves trauma-informed.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: They've been in the industry for nearly 10 years now and approach mentorship with a very unique take, supporting you to become your own healer so that you can bring your mission to life, become a secure and loving mother, and show your lineage what is possible.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Since the fall of 2023, they've led 418 women through masterclasses, 51 women through the mothership, and five sold-out cohorts of the immersion with spaces already filling for an entire year in advance.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: T.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: And now it's your turn to see what the hype is all about.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: So welcome.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: So happy to be here.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you, Jaden.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited to have you guys on every time you guys are on the podcast.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: The girlies love it.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: So we're just excited to have you back.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: And today we're going to be talking about how our relationships shape and support our mission.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Tay and Claire both have beautiful relationships in their life, and I have a beautiful relationship in my life.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And we all agree that your relationships really can make the biggest difference, I'll say, like in your life.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: So we're going to dive into that.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: And my first question for you guys is how would each of you describe your relationships?
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_02: First of all, unhinged.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: My relationship with Jack is the sweetest, safest, most unhinged and expansive relationship that I've ever known.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: It's truly the full spectrum.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: And Claire and I talk a lot about polarity.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: And Jack and I, I feel like really get in there with the full range.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: I can attest to that for you guys.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_03: My relationship with Sam.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_03: Sam is my partner.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I would describe it as the perfect balance of earth and fire.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_03: And I'll never forget the thing that really set me apart, or really set Sam apart to me when we first started hanging out and like feeling the vibes, was his level of presence.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_03: Like that man could just stare into my soul for eternity.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_03: And I remember having this internal instinct of like I would almost have to play a game with myself to match his level of presence and like the depth that it carried.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_03: And that paired with this fire that he has to just do big shit in the world and help everyone around him like rise to that level as well is just so inspiring and epic.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_03: So those are the vibes in a nutshell.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's so special.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so curious too.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: What are Jack and Sam's zodiac signs?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what's their sun sign?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: Jack is an Aquarius.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: What's Sam?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_03: And Sam's a Leo.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Sam has always given Leo to me, so that's that's so funny.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: He basically is a lion.
• 3:55
  unknown: Yeah.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And Claire, are you a Taurus?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: I am.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so you really are like Earth and Fire.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's literally.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's me in red.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm an earth sign and he's a fire sign.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: So that's very relatable.
• 4:10
  unknown: Yeah.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_03: Tim, what's your reacts are interesting because Sam and I have the same big three just shifted over like one place.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_03: So Leo, Taurus, and Saj, but in different places.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh, that's so cute.
• 4:25
  unknown: I love that.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Jay, what's your sign?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a Libra.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm an air sign, and Jack's a water sign?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_03: He's an air.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we're both airy.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_02: I feel very connected to the element of water, though.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like I don't.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_02: How would you describe Jack in the elements?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like he's definitely air and water.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's so cute.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like have as much experience with those like elements, just mostly the fire, which is very fun and spicy.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I am curious because both of you own obviously your own business together.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like Tay and Claire have their business together.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but both of you have built businesses or helped support building of businesses with your partner.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just curious how that dynamic is different for you.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: And like, how did you know in your relationships that you were gonna go down that path of like building things together, not just like being together?
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_02: For me, I think that Jack and I have known since the beginning that we wanted to build a life together.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: And obviously, building a life together and having children together and getting married and doing all of the standard relationship things is a very different story than building a business together because it's a whole another level of commitment and vulnerability and trust and conflict resolution and safety and expansion that is illuminated and curated through that process.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I think there was one specific point that I can think of when it came to just like the relationship piece of being able to look at him and be like, I want to go all in with you.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_02: And it's kind of a funny moment, but it's actually pretty fucking crazy.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: But we were on a very large amount of mushrooms on the side of a hill during the pandemic.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_02: And it always starts with this, right?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: With me, with me.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_02: This is where the unhinged begins.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_02: And it was for those of you who have listened to the other podcasts that we did with Jaden, um, my mom was in a really violent accident.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_02: My dad was diagnosed with stage four cancer right in the middle of the pandemic.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_02: And so we would essentially do these pretty intense mushroom journeys and go on these like really beautiful hikes and just utilize that time as our spiritual connection and with both each other and the divine.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember being on the side of this hill, and I had this deeply spiritual experience, probably to this date, one of the most spiritual experiences I've ever had, where I felt like the divine was like a vacuum sucking the pain and suffering out of my body.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember Jack was standing on the side of this hill.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_02: The sun was so hot and so bright, and he was just standing right in front of it.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_02: And I was in my own perception, I was aware that he was standing there because he was blocking the sun.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: But like we were there for probably like 20 minutes, and then when we were both complete, he was just like, okay, let's kind of continue to walk up the hill.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_02: And so we continue to walk up the hill and we're having this conversation, we're laughing, we're crying, we're being unhinged together, and we take another stop and we sit on the side of the hill, and we're looking out at the view, the sun is setting, and we feel so connected, so in love, so unhinged.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_02: And we both looked at each other and we had this moment where something clicked.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: And what we realized is that we had been having a conversation for the last 30 minutes, going through the full range of the human experience, but not once had we opened our mouths.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_02: And we realized that something that we had heard about in like books and these like crazy Reddit posts where people had done a bunch of mushrooms and had these telepathic experiences that we were literally right in the middle of one.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_02: And our jaws just like completely dropped.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what the actual fuck just happened?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I said to him, Are you experiencing what I'm experiencing?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, Yeah.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, No, you're not.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_02: And so I started asking him questions about, okay, then what did I say about that one thing?
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't remember at this point what the conversation was about.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_02: But I remember asking him very specific, clarifying questions about what I said and verbatim, he repeated what I said to me out loud.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_02: And that was the most profound, world-shattering experience that I've ever had in my life.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember sitting down, and once we've realized what was happening and kind of processed it, I was peeing my pants.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: We were laughing so hard.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_02: Cause I looked at him and I was like, if you are not my fucking soulmate, I'm going to be really mad.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_02: If you are not the one, I'm gonna be pissed off.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think that was the moment where I realized that, like, okay, this is so much deeper than just like this deep, intense love that we had experienced because the beginning of our story was very fast, and it's almost like life kind of slowed us down and literally took us.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_02: So we were living and doing like partial long distance for six months, so we weren't attached at the hip all the time.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: And that was the moment where I realized, like, oh wow, this is fucking soul level.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_02: And I still feel that connection with him to this day.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that was the moment in our relationship, and that became a very foundational, like core understanding that like the connection that we have is so much deeper than our human and our survival patterns and our trauma that we carry or the burdens that we carry.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: And so it became this thread throughout everything that we've experienced in our relationship, whether it's building a business together or going through really challenging things together or having the most ecstatic, beautiful experiences together.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_02: It's this core thread of like, I got you and I'm not fucking leaving.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_02: And we're just committed through every single experience that we've had to um in building a life together and a business together that like we just we got each other.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: So I love that.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: That is such a crazy story.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, it's beautiful and crazy.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe that's where like really the unhinged began.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for sharing that, Claire.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_03: I would love to hear yours as well.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_03: I love how Tay just set the bar there with that.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: She was like, so yeah, it was just that.
• 12:29
  unknown: Bye.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_03: I I always feel like when Tay and I get on podcasts, we have to even contain like the vastness of what we could go into because there's so much depth with the nature of what we have been through and what we work with our clients on and what we've been through with our partners.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_03: But um when Sam and I first met, we both knew that we wanted to build, we called it like an unnormal life.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_03: We actually had a podcast called The Unnormal Show at one point.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_03: But we were just like, that was like the foundation of us getting together was scheming up what it would look like to whether it was build like a drop shipping company or this or a that or coaching or whatever, or travel influencer accounts.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_03: Like we just were so inspired by people around that time, like 2016-2017, that was really taking off.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_03: And Sam was all up in like Tim Ferris and Dave Asprey, and just so he had been on that shit, like so ahead of the curb with all of that.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_03: So from literally day one of us being together, that was the the goalpost at some point was to not be an employee of some corporation or just like have something that was our own that we felt passionate about, that was meaningful, that was abundant.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_03: And that kind of became like the bedrock of our relationship together.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_03: And the pursuit of that became the spiritual journey of all the initiations that one goes through in pursuing that path.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah, there was literally never a question in my mind of is this somebody I'm going to build with?
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_03: It was like, okay, we're building something and let's do it together because that sounds fun.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: I love that you went into your relationship, like knowing that about each other.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's really special because I think a lot of people end up in business together or in something together without it being like really an intentional part of the relationship, which is also fine, but I just find it really interesting that you had that going into it and then like look at all the things that you guys have built together and separately.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's amazing.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: And my question for you guys is have you ever, for both of you, like Tay?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: I know you and Jack with the Send, and Claire, I know you helped Sam build his business a little bit early on.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Did you ever have points in your relationship where everything was too business oriented and you felt like you were becoming disconnected from the relationship side of things?
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: And like, how did you get through that?
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_03: Lol, just laughing because yes.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I can share first on this one.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_03: I actually just made a post on this the other day.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_03: So, for context, for anybody listening, obviously Tay and I have a breathwork brand together, and my partner Sam has a fitness and nutrition coaching company and is also getting into the peptide space as well.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_03: And there was a point around early 2024 where he needed support with lead generation and back-end operations and systems.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, I can help with that.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_03: Like the things that you're needing help with sound easy.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_03: I'll just jump in.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_03: And literally within a week or two, things just took the absolute fuck off.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_03: And it was actually like really insane and unsettling for the nervous system because of one in the 3D world, how much of my time and energy actually shifted to reallocate to that and how little sleep I was getting.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_03: So I was working three different jobs now at that time.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_03: And then to maintain that momentum and also match his like fiery desire to continue growing, um, it was a lot, like an absolute lot.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_03: So I would say throughout that period, and if anyone listening, like whether you're building someone with your partner or if building something on your own is enough, or if you're just in a season of transition with your partner and like sticky stuff is coming up, then what I would say to you is to please not overlook the importance of creating pockets of deep space for yourself.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_03: And the reason why I say that is because when Sam and I were becoming really enmeshed in this season of time where our house most of the time felt more like an office than a home, our relationship was starting to feel more like colleagues and like a boss and employee bumping heads rather than like being true lovers.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_03: And all of our conversations being about the business, all hours of day, just having very minimal boundaries around that, oftentimes being up until 2 a.m.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_03: on the couch, just like finishing up stuff for the day together.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_03: What I thought I was doing for myself was getting in still like my 10-minute meditations per day.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_03: I was still eating pretty healthy, I was still getting my daily walks in.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, I'm taking good care of myself, but why am I feeling so burnt out?
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_03: And it's because I had the contrast of what it had felt like the year before to go into deep therapeutic breathwork journeys every other week for a whole year.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_03: And then I'd kind of slipped off that and thought that just these daily maintenance practices could keep me connected to what I'd experienced.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_03: But it actually wasn't until I reprioritized that in my life to create deeper pockets of space for a full breathwork journey, like regularly every other week.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_03: That's when everything changed because I was able to get out of that prefrontal cortex, like logical survival, like thinking brain, and allow for my actual intuition to kick in and provide clarity around what actually needed to shift, what was mine, what was his, be able to on a physical level discharge the survival energy that had been built up that I had just started to step by step normalize in my daily life and convince myself that I can hold it.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_03: Like I'm fine, don't worry about me, don't look over here, everything's chill.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_03: And I think a lot of people, like if I'm doing that, I know that other people are probably doing that too, just kind of brushing under the rug how much is actually building up.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_03: And through that process, we've since gotten back to a place that honestly, like I don't feel like we've been since the first year that we were with each other when there was that depth and presence and softness and sweetness and love and true untlement from the business being the core pillar of our relationship.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_03: Our relationship is back again being the core pillar of our relationship as it should be.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_03: So it's been a journey, but reprioritizing the depth of my practices and trusting my intuition and then being a co-creator with Sam through that process, which is a whole other conversation.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_03: But those have been absolutely world-changing.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I don't think, well, I know like that doesn't happen if you haven't done the work of like building communication with one another.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just see women a lot of times get into that stickier spot in their relationship that everyone experiences at some point.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, even if you're not building a business together, it's something else.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it can trigger like survival responses, right?
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: Where maybe you want to like run away from the relationship, you want to burn it down, like you get tempted to be like, this isn't for me then.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I loved like I love hearing your story about like how you didn't let that happen because you didn't you had the greater vision for the relationship of like, no, we want to be with each other.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: So how do we get back to that point that feels really beautiful and wonderful again?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: I love that you didn't just be like, it's too hard and like run away.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's actually something I want to clarify too, because I think most people actually are like they know they'll stick it out and they they know they're meant for each other.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_03: There's just so much getting in the way of that like truly deep, present love together.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and I think especially as women, like we all deeply crave that.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_03: And sometimes we don't even let ourselves admit where it's lacking.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_03: So for me, it was never a question of if we were meant to be together or if it would work out or if I should burn it down.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_03: I always knew like this is my person, we're gonna do this for the rest of my life.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_03: But the deep fear was truly Jaden like, will I ever get that feeling?
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: Back that we had in that first year together because that's like at the heart of our relationship, what I love the most, and that's what I've been able to get back through this process.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you for sharing that.
• 22:17
  unknown: Yeah.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: Tay, do you have something you'd like to share too?
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: There's something that I want to speak to in relationship to what Claire just shared, because there's this concept that I think Aubrey Marcus coined.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: I do not resonate with his work at all, but there was this thing that he used to speak to.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's the you have the honeymoon phase, you have the tragic phase, and then you have the post-tragic phase.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_02: And that is something that I've always resonated with in relationship to my journey with Jack.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_02: And I truly think that on some level, every conscious relationship goes through some version of that.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_02: And there's that beginning phase where it's like, I know you're my person.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_02: And it's this deep level of presence and connection and intimacy and vibrancy.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: And for Jack and I, that it was catalyzed, the tragic phase by familial health issues, by just external circumstances that were so beyond our control.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_02: And for some couples, that actually gets catalyzed by internal triggers rather than external circumstances.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_02: And it's really cool because with both Claire and I, or Claire and Sam's journey and Jack and I's journey, both Claire and I feel like we are in the post-tragic phase when it comes to our relationships and how I actually wouldn't want the honeymoon phase back because the level of depth that is curated in the tragic phase, if you have the tools and the capacity to be able to move through that phase with a deep sense of connection to your soul and your values and the collective vision that you want to move forward into the world with, then the post-tragic phase is actually so much better than the honeymoon phase because it has a depth that the honeymoon phase couldn't have.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_02: And to me, that's the joy of conscious relationships, even though it's really fucking hard.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_02: And I think it's really important just to dissolve the misconception that a conscious, safe, and loving relationship is easy to any capacity.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_02: Even if you're not starting a business together, it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to fucking do.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_02: But it's the most rewarding and expansive thing that I've ever done to build a life with someone and to stay connected to my heart.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_02: Talk about skill.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: That takes fucking mastery to be able to do that.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_02: And it's it's like a constant evolution that's never done.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_02: And most people are actually not ready for the parts of them that will come up in relationship to the tragic phase because they're it's like I had the same fear that Claire was speaking to while I was in the tragic phase.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_02: It's, I can imagine if I had children, it would kind of be along the similar thought process of maybe having a child who's going through a behavioral thing, or they're going through something that's really challenging internally.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_02: And they're asking themselves, like, is this just a phase?
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_02: Are they going to move through this, or is this gonna stick and become a part of who they are as a human being and their personality?
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's so natural to have that same fear come up in relationships and especially in the tragic phase.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_02: And it I think it's really important too to have examples of couples who have made it, I guess, to the post-tragic phase, because not everyone does, in a loving, in a in a way that's where they're both connected to their heart.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_02: It's so important to have examples of couples who have made it to that phase.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_02: Um, if you as a human being are in the tragic phase with your partner, so you can just see what's possible because when you're in it, man, it's so it's like, will I ever fucking get out of this?
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_02: But I just wanted to speak to that.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I think too, like knowing that there's probably gonna be multiple times in your relationship where it feels like maybe you've entered the tragic phase or whatever, you know, like it's actually interesting because I Reg and I's relationship actually kind of started more so in, I would say, a tragic phase.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because we both had just come out of relationships.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was on my own journey of like having the worst anxiety a girl could have.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it really started that way.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then we were able to, by the grace of God, I don't know how, because at that point in time, like I didn't have an access to any of the tools that I have now.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know how we got through that, but we did.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's interesting because now we're kind of entering like a new phase in our relationship where we're looking at like, okay, well, there's probably going to be like we're actually kind of on the anticipatory side of it where it's like we know that there's probably going to be challenges that come along in the next bit for us that we're going to have to be conscious of.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like we're going to have to be aware of how we're each feeling and dealing with the new changes.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just interesting because we went through the phase and then we're like married, everything's awesome.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then you kind of look out, like, okay, well, like this could happen again, but like at least now.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: I think each time it happens in your relationship, you have more tools if you're doing the work to have them, and that should help make it more easy, I will say, even though like there's still the challenge there.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: What I can think about in my own experience with Jack recently is that we have I think it becomes easier to spot the yellow flags versus going into the red flag territory where everything's falling apart.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_02: And um, because I I'm not gonna lie, I have questioned Jack and I's relationship, but it was on a mental level.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_02: It wasn't on a soul level.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_02: And it has only been times where I have been disconnected from my soul, where I haven't been doing the deep work, where I haven't been connected to my intuition.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_02: But it's the moment that I kept that I tap in with that part of me that it's just so obvious.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_02: But Jack and I went through kind of a recent iteration of going through some challenge.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_02: And what we were able to do is we were so on it with catching the yellow flags of armor building up within our systems because we know and have experienced what it feels like to go through hardship or to go through challenging experiences with our heart open.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_02: And because we spent so long going through challenging experiences with our hearts guarded and with our like uh butting heads with each other's survival responses constantly.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_02: And so, in this recent iteration of kind of moving through a very molecular version of that comparatively to what we've been through, there were several moments where we could have kept feeding that energy.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_02: And what I, how I experienced it is it's this collective agreement that we're not going there with all the love in the world and this collective containment.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_02: And something's coming to me to kind of speak to in relationship to that, because I think in relationships, it can be really easy to pedestal the relationships where the man is always leading and the man is always directing the relationship.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I know that that can be a really huge desire for a woman, especially when they've never fucking been led and they don't know what that experience feels like, which is completely valid.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_02: And in my experience, when it comes to moving through really challenging experiences while being connected to your heart, while feeling cracked open and connected to the preciousness of this life with your partner, those can be the most intimate, beautiful experiences.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_02: But it's not, if you're a woman and you're listening to this, it's not all up to your partner to create those guardrails and to lead that process of continuing to stay connected because they're gonna fall off their game too.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_02: They're gonna slip into survival responses too.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_02: And so what I noticed is that we both had to be committed to keeping those guardrails contained so the purity and the intimacy and the connection to the divine and to the preciousness of life could feel protected.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_02: And in that process, I notice myself being like, Yep, we're not going there.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_02: And I love you, you know?
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_02: And it's kind of this like sobering experience for him when I do it to him, and then when he does it to me, it's kind of like, oh, yeah, fuck, I was asleep.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, like I'm committed to being awake.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, that made me just think about like when you were talking about having the man lead, and I do think that women, especially like high achieving, like go-getter women, can really crave that because it's like, can you just like do the stuff for me?
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because every single day I'm like doing it all, and it's just I don't want to do that anymore.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but like what I've found too is like sometimes that can be a challenge because it can be really easy to stop caring about your desires, what your true desires are, if someone has fully taken control of that for you.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I think like, in my opinion, the best and healthiest relationship is when like you can still hold your desires and express them, but then also have like, and then also have that container of like, okay, I I respect your desires and I want to make them happen.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, here's how we can do that, but then just making sure that you don't lose your sense of like what it is that you want just because someone else is kind of like leading you there, if that makes sense.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I want to chime in on this because there's this trend going around right now that the hook is like things my husband does that would send a low effort man into a coma.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_03: And women will just like brag on their husbands, and that's beautiful, right?
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_03: It's beautiful that people have these relationships and want to um like hype up their husbands who are holding that pillar.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_03: And I think for people who are in whether it's the tragic phase of their relationship or if they're just in some sort of like breakdown of communication or things are feeling sticky or there's friction, then when reading those kinds of posts, it there can be this victim mentality or hopelessness that isn't their fault but can set in.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_03: And my reminder to anyone who may have, even if unconsciously been picking up on that, like you do get to be a co-creator in that process.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_03: And there's so much narrative, especially with masculine and feminine coaches online saying just you have to stop mothering him and stop nagging him, and let then he'll just naturally lead.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_03: That isn't always necessarily the case, like it's not that simple, and there truly is this requirement for you to have a more holistic approach, one of what's going on in you that is acting as the filter through which all your communication is going.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_03: So you could say the same exact thing a hundred different ways, depending on if you're in a stress response or you know how much survival have you been in, what grudges are you holding on to, um, how many times have you had a conversation that now you're feeling frustrated about having again.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_03: And the practice there is truly refining how you weave in more of the emotional and energetic side of things with that, where you actually can be that like feminine co-creator with your partner to create that vision together of okay, like how do we truly want this to look?
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_03: But it it will require usually that step back rather than just right, like just let him lead, quote unquote, or just stop nagging him, quote unquote.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_03: It's just not helpful advice.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I agree with that so much because I agree with that so much, and I think that taking that advice can be so harmful to a relationship where like maybe your partner actually is trying, and you're kind of like because you your communication with each other is kind of like wadded up, like you're ending up in a bad situation when you actually could have ended up like in a much better place.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: And like I know like this used to happen early on in Reg and I's relationship because like I came from a relationship where I did not know how to communicate and didn't because I never really felt like I had a voice in the relationship.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_00: So then when Reg and I got together, like I would go back into that and I would kind of just like expect him to like know what I wanted or whatever.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: And like when he didn't, I was like, I don't know if this is right because like you should just know.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_00: And like, luckily, Reg is so much better at communicating than me that he would be like, No, I want to make you happy, I just don't know what you want.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, how am I supposed to do it if I don't know what you want?
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_00: And Reg listened to this right now, is like, she's like, I'm the best.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: No, honestly, he really is.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I always joke, I'm like, dude, you should have like been a therapist, because like holy shit.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_00: But it's true, like once we figured that out in our relationship, everything got so much better.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, seriously, almost overnight, when I finally felt safe, which was actually just my own thing.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: He he wasn't making me feel unsafe.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: It was my own thing that I had created into just expressing my desires, and then he would do them.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like four iterations of that.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh, I trust you completely because I'm asking for it for what I want, and you are supporting me to get that thing, and like I can completely trust this, but I could have given up really early on, and it would have been honestly my own fault because I was the one making it up, you know?
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_02: So I want to speak, I was just gonna say, I want to speak to the woman who is kind of in the is in the soup, is what Claire and I like to say.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like when you're when you're in the sauce, when you're in the soup and you don't know your ass from your elbow, and you don't know up from down, and you're like, should I stay in this relationship?
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_02: Should I not?
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_02: Are they the right person for me?
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_02: Is this their fault?
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_02: Is their my is this my fault?
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_02: Is this my pattern?
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_02: Is this their pattern?
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's like it's it can be so confusing to be in that place, and there's so much nuance here because there's the archetype of the kind of woman who takes too much responsibility and it's all on her, and everything's her fault.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_02: And she, because she's so self-aware, she should have known not to step into that pattern.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_02: She should have known not to engage with that thing that he said or whatever's coming up.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_02: And then there's the other side of the righteousness that can kind of sneakily come through in a relationship where I am doing the work, I am fucking dialed, I am doing my meditation every day.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_02: And what the fuck are you doing?
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_02: You know, there can be that energy that can come through.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_02: And so there's like both sides of the spectrum.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I think so much in the relationship space, it's either like you take full responsibility or it's like you ask for what you want.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_02: And I think it actually needs to be both.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_02: And it's underrated to like what you were speaking to, Jayden, where how you could have ruined your and Regis relationship if you, and I say that with quotes if you didn't realize that that part of you was coming from like an old, probably like hurt little Jaden that just wanted to be seen or just wanted to be held or just wanted to be nurtured in a certain way.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_02: And she didn't know how to ask for what she needed.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes, like, people don't always come into relationships fully fucking healed.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's such a misconception in this space is that I have to be fully healed before I step into a partnership.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like most of the time, if you're with the right person, you heal together.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_02: And yes, you will illuminate parts of yourself that each other that are really challenging and are really confronting, but it's that common thread that weaves between every single experience that you have together of like, I got you and I'm not leaving.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I want to understand you and I want to see you.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_02: But I think for the woman who is kind of in the soup and doesn't know like what decision to make next or what decision isn't aligned with her soul, that the first step is getting clearer within yourself.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_02: And you can only get clearer within yourself when number one, you create space for that, like Claire was speaking to.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_02: Number two, you have the tools to be able to work with the layers of your nervous system that are coming up because sometimes they can be really complex.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_02: Plugging the mothers.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes plugging the mothers.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_02: You need that.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but sometimes the layers of complexity, most of the time they can't be solved with talking in circles with your therapist.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like, I don't just say this to plug the mothership or to plug our work, but people will come to us and they've been to therapy for literal decades.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_02: Like we have 40, 50-year-olds coming to us and being like, I've done therapy, I've done hypnosis, I've done EMDR, I've done all of the self-healing modalities, but nothing has worked.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_02: And they have this jadedness towards, I don't even know if that's a word, but towards this work because they've been ping-ponging from modality to modality.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_02: And it takes a lot of vulnerability to put your trust in not only someone, but something.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_02: And there's this part that can come up where it's like, I hope this is the thing that allows me to connect with the purest part of my being.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_02: I hope this is the thing that allows me to have deeper levels of intimacy with my partner.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_02: I hope this is the thing that allows me to finally break through the chains of my lineage, of my conditioning, of the ways that I limit myself so I can feel free, so I can feel fulfilled, so I can feel at peace.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_02: Because want to know what the sexiest thing is to your partner is you being self-sourced, you being clear, you being in your joy, you being connected, you being open.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_02: And there's no proving or yeah, there's no proving that you're gonna need to do, or there's no, there will be no questioning when you're genuinely in that place of clarity and liberation within your own being.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_02: There will be no question whether this is the right relationship for you or not.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_02: Because your worthiness will be intact and your harmony will be intact, and your safety within yourself will be intact.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_02: And from that place, you can make the right decision.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_02: And the last thing I'll say is I think that's come up a lot in our containers.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_02: In the last several years that we've been doing this, you know, we've supported a lot of women go through breakups with their partner and divorces.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_02: And the pattern that we've both noticed is that the way to know how to make an aligned decision is to come back to yourself first.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_02: And we've had clients who have stayed in a relationship where they've known, like their soul has known this is not the right relationship, but their human has questioned it.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_02: And they've stayed in that relationship for upwards of a year until they can get clear within themselves and do the deep work and be in a community of women where different standards are held.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_02: And then they finally, in quotes, get to a point because for them it feels like such a long time to like, oh, it takes a year to just come to that conclusion to get clear within myself.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_02: Holy fuck, that's a long time.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's a long time.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_02: But like, would you rather make that decision from a place of reaction or survival response or from feeling tapped in in your power, clear and connected to the most loving decision that you can possibly make?
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, I I am plugging the mothership, but like I did it.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_00: So you can listen to me.
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I think for me, like I did talk therapy and I did all sorts of different things, but I think sometimes women mistake self-awareness for self-trust, and like they're really not even close to the same thing, you know?
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like just because you're aware of things doesn't really mean much, honestly.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_00: And like for me, going through the breathwork journeys, and it was just me versus me, like, you know, it was just me.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I could trust, I could fully trust anything that was coming through because I was like, this is just for me.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like a therapist with their own, and here's the thing, you could have the best therapist ever, but like at the end of the day, they're still human and they still have their own full set of things, you know?
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_00: And like it's really hard for them to not give you advice based on their own personal experiences, no matter how good of a therapist they are.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_00: So like you're still kind of like externally sourcing information and decisions to someone else.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_00: And when you really are like in a breathwork journey, it's just like it's just you.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_00: And like that's where the self-trust is really exercised, is like that, but that's just this is me.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's not coming from anyone else, it's not coming from any conditioning or this or that.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's literally just me, which I think is so valuable for women because like you don't, you probably are self-aware.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just don't think that's the problem most people have.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_00: You just probably don't trust yourself enough to like make the choice that you know you want to make deep in your soul.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_03: That's such a good point, Jaden.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_03: A lot of women who come to us, the quote that we get is, I'm so self-aware that it hurts.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_03: And you mentioned being self-aware is not the same thing as self-trust.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_03: And I want to add to that that being self-aware is also not the same thing as self-sourcing.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_03: Because what especially if fond response and people pleasing or freeze response or shutdown, if those are really prevalent for you, then what can happen is that the self-awareness of, oh, I know that I'm holding on to this and I know there's tension, that can be mistaken for like processing time when what you actually need is to turn all other tabs off in your brain and sit yourself the fuck down and actually give your body the time to do real processing that is not ping-ponging thoughts around in your mind.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_03: Because what happens or what's like actually happening, everybody's had that experience of the ping-ponging thoughts, like, oh, it could be this or it could be that, and trying to analyze all the different angles of a situation and the potential outcomes if you make certain decisions.
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_03: What's actually happening there is the survival energy in your body is having a physiological effect on your rational thinking brain and is clouding your subtle sense of being able to receive subtle and subtle information or intuitive information that deep down you know.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but it's not your fault if that feels hard to access.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_03: It's just because most of us weren't taught how to work with our own body-mind system, how to like, for example, you might be self-aware of a lot, but are you actually self-aware to the subtleties of if you're in freeze or fawn or fight or flight, or if you're being avoidant or anxious, or like where's their system at?
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_03: How do you need to adjust the way that you're responding to them to meet them where they're at so it can be a productive conversation?
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_03: There's so much that goes into it.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_03: And even just like a little bit of real self-sourcing goes a long way when you've spent your whole life confusing self-awareness for self-sourcing.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_00: And just like analyzing and analyzing and analyzing.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually just such like a breath of fresh air when you finally like when you can finally turn that system off.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_00: And like what you're saying, Claire, it's not really your fault that that like it's kind of like a human thing.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, our brains are there to protect us and to think about things, but sometimes we like flex that muscle too much.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then when you finally do quiet the mind and like actually get to that space where it's just like intuitive guidance, you're just like finally, I don't have to like pro like I don't have to try to make it anything, it's just it is, and it's just such a major, major difference in your body and mind.
• 50:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like it you just feel so free.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_02: I just wanted to speak to something that Claire was speaking to a little bit because the for anyone who doesn't know what self-sourcing is, the way that you can think about it is self as a direct bridge to source.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_02: And that's something that our mentors, Helen Lucas, have introduced to us as just such a powerful concept to bring into our own practices and our the way that we give structure to our clients' processes.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_02: And so we can connect with self-sourcing through um essentially being a bridge to the divine, being a bridge to guidance that exists beyond self, beyond the mind.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_02: And that act is the antidote to being in a fawn response.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_02: Because growing up and being conditioned to be in a fawn response, or if you're currently, if you currently identify yourself as being an empath and being very sensitive to other people's emotions and experiences, a distortion that can often come through is that there's actually a lot of assuming that can, like a lot of assumption that can be created when you consider yourself an empath.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_02: This is something that I've really, really had to work on with the nuances of what that actually means within like my own, my own process in a really big way.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_02: Because when we grow up and we are being trained to attune to someone else's nervous system first before our own nervous system, we sometimes that attunement is not coming from a clear place.
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes that in quotes attunement is coming from an assumption of what someone else feels, what someone else needs, what someone else wants.
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_02: And that is the opposite of self-sourcing.
• 53:09
  SPEAKER_02: And that can come up so hard in relationships where I'm assuming that someone else needs something that they actually don't need.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_02: And it's coming from a really pure place, like the purest place in the world, because you want to serve them, you want to support them.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_02: And like they might actually not need that thing, right?
• 53:35
  SPEAKER_02: And when we come back to self-sourcing, what becomes available is a sense of clarity, not only within our own connection with our intuition, but a sense of like containment within our own energy and another person's energy.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_02: So if the other person is in a survival response, we're not trying to give them anything that they don't actually need.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_02: We're not trying to support them in ways that they don't actually want to be supported, or we're not assuming things about their own process that isn't actually happening.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I think as sensitive women, that can be a huge distortion and peace that can come up.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_02: And it's a very easy way to create confusion and attachment in our own minds about like someone else's experience.
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_02: But um yeah, it's something that sometimes I still catch myself in because it can be really, really sneaky in the ways that it shows up.
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, as we wrap up here, I want to ask you guys just a couple more questions.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_00: So the first one is how do you support each other's individual growth without making your relationships feel like a self-improvement project?
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_03: Tay, you want to go or me?
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_02: My answers I have like a solid answer and then I have a silly answer, but it's actually a really helpful answer.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um I think something that I just want to set the foundation for is how important it is to maybe understand and identify where you're at in the honeymoon, the tragic, or the post-tragic, just so you can have that general awareness.
• 55:08
  SPEAKER_02: And another really foundational piece to make your relationship so much more easeful is understanding your partner's dominant attachment style and survival response.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_02: And the reason why this actually mitigates the feeling of feeling like it's constantly a self-improvement project is because we can spend so much energy trying to subconsciously figure those things out in kind of shadow ways.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_02: And if we just know them, there's a lot more clarity in the way that we can respond to things and a lot more quickness and a lot more resiliency.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_02: So we're not spending months and months and months on this one piece that feels sticky, but we can identify it very quickly and begin to work with it and then dissolve it as I don't want to say quickly as possible, but I think you know what I mean, as easefully as possible.
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_02: And if you're an avoidant attachment style and your partner is an anxious attachment style, then understanding how to work with those different parts because the avoidant wants to run from conflict, the anxious needs connection in order to feel safe and to feel that sense of repair, it doesn't have to be one or the other.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_02: There are ways and there are structures and systems in which you can implement in your relationship so both people can get what they need.
• 56:37
  SPEAKER_02: And the same thing goes for survival responses.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_02: And when you know how to work with these things very masterfully within yourself and also within your partnership, the partnership just becomes so much more easeful and so much more expansive.
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's like the more foundational piece and the preventative medicine piece.
• 56:58
  SPEAKER_02: And then there's the piece around, okay, what do I actually do in the moment if it's starting to feel like that?
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_02: Or even if I'm in the middle of a really challenging conversation.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if I mean you both have probably had this experience when you can feel yourself so serious and like in your human.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_02: And then there's this meta part of you that's like, this is so fucking stupid.
• 57:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I fucking love you.
• 57:25
  SPEAKER_02: Why are we doing this?
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_02: You know, there's that's what happens to me sometimes, where sometimes we can be like our survival responses are coming head to head, and then my soul comes in and is like, yo, you're my motherfucking soulmate.
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_02: I love you, and why are we doing this shit?
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um, even though like it feels very serious to our humans, and so something that Jack and I have developed over the years is this statement take the carrot out of your ass.
• 58:00
  SPEAKER_02: And what that means is you know how people say, like, you have a stick up your ass, or like someone has a stick up their ass.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_02: For some reason, this came up in conflict one time where Jack started impersonating, and this is the unhanded piece.
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_02: Jack started impersonating, taking a carrot out of my ass.
• 58:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I was looking at him and I'm like, what are you doing?
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, all pissed off.
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, stop doing that.
• 58:29
  SPEAKER_02: And then after a while, and he's like, I'm taking the carrot out of your ass.
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_02: And I was just like, What do you mean?
• 58:37
  SPEAKER_02: And he's like, and he's like, just take it out.
• 58:41
  SPEAKER_02: And it just like made me laugh so hard.
• 58:44
  SPEAKER_02: And we just both started hysterically laughing.
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, wow, thank you so much for doing that because that was so stupid.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I love you so much.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_02: So my whole point in sharing that is there's I think there are genuinely things that we can do amidst conflict or amidst the moments where we notice our human is being very like so serious about it all.
• 59:11
  SPEAKER_02: And there are things that we can do to actually incorporate play into the way that we interact with our partner sometimes in those like serious moments, and um and just like break the ice like you would on a first date or something like that.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_02: And another way we do that is just by like there's like a certain face I'll make, or there's a certain voice that I'll do where Jack just he has no containment and we could be in the depth of like a serious conversation, and he just can't contain himself with how hard he laughs.
• 59:47
  SPEAKER_02: So we've been just the last few years, as we come into our post-tragic phase, we've been implementing that a lot.
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and we don't have like these days, like we really do not have like a lot of conflict that comes up, but when we do, um even if it's very grounded and safe and loving, it's just so helpful for me to have these tools where we can just connect back to like we're literally on a spinning ball in the middle of the fucking universe, you're my soulmate, and we're talking about like taking the trash out, or we're talking about like something so minuscule to like what we're actually here for.
• 1:00:27
  SPEAKER_02: So those are the two pieces that I would say the the preventative medicine and then the in-the-moment medicine to just like bring more humor and play.
• 1:00:36
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 1:00:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_03: And Jaden, I can wrap up with something quick on my end, which is uh to balance patience and reward.
• 1:00:48
  SPEAKER_03: And what I mean by that is sometimes you will actually have to be very patient with the pace at which your partner is coming to their own realizations about the mirror that you've been trying to hold up for them, as we have, you know, our own stuff too.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_03: But um when you notice even the smallest of improvements, get off your fucking high horse and reward the behavior.
• 1:01:16
  SPEAKER_03: And I noticed this last night, actually, where we had a breakdown in communication earlier in the day, and I felt so mad, and I was also really hungry, so that didn't help, and I'm Ludial.
• 1:01:29
  SPEAKER_03: Perfect storm.
• 1:01:33
  SPEAKER_03: And never helps I was so mad, and he was like, I understand your frustration, but I I knew inside what I all I wanted was a genuine apology, not I understand your frustration.
• 1:01:47
  SPEAKER_03: I wanted, I'm really sorry for how that affected you.
• 1:01:50
  SPEAKER_03: And here's how it'll be different next time.
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_03: Like that's what I wanted.
• 1:01:54
  SPEAKER_03: And I was having this internal battle of do I tell him that's what I want, or do I wait and see if he'll arrive at that conclusion himself?
• 1:02:03
  SPEAKER_03: And he did, and he apologized, a very genuine, loving apology, gave me a big hug, and it was exactly what I wanted.
• 1:02:14
  SPEAKER_03: And in that moment, I could feel the part of me that wanted to get even with him, or like make him suffer like a little bit for the thing that I felt he caused me pain for, the part of me that wanted to hold on to resentment, the part of me that wanted to stay in the anger.
• 1:02:38
  SPEAKER_03: And I just had that come to Jesus moment of like, wow, I just got literally the exact thing that I wanted that was actually better than what I imagined he could have provided for me.
• 1:02:52
  SPEAKER_03: And I had to like be my higher self in that moment and just soften into him, reward the behavior because that's the only way that the behavior would continue onward, right?
• 1:03:06
  SPEAKER_03: Like nobody is gonna continue to apologize in that sweet way if then they just get shit after.
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_03: So patience and reward throughout the process.
• 1:03:17
  SPEAKER_03: I love both of your shares so much.
• 1:03:20
  SPEAKER_00: Day, did you want to add something?
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_02: I yeah, it's super quick.
• 1:03:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's just like um David Data, if anyone hasn't listened to or read his books, David Data is the author of Dear Lover and The Way of the Superior Man, which is are both just like world-class books on masculine and feminine energy.
• 1:03:44
  SPEAKER_02: And something that I learned from David Data's Dear Lover is he just talks about it, he he tells it to you straight while also writing the book in such a poetic way that really just like speaks to the part of us that wants to read a like sexy love story kind of vibe.
• 1:04:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but one of the tips that he put in there that is so in alignment with what Claire just shared is men are kind of like dogs that just need treats.
• 1:04:18
  SPEAKER_02: And so you can think about men like you would your dog.
• 1:04:22
  SPEAKER_02: And so whenever your dog does something good, you give them a treat and you say, Good boy, good boy.
• 1:04:30
  SPEAKER_02: And that was one of the things that um he shared.
• 1:04:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I was just like, at first I read it and I was like, that's so silly.
• 1:04:37
  SPEAKER_02: And then I started doing it, like Claire was speaking to.
• 1:04:41
  SPEAKER_02: Like I was just really meta aware of the things that I said that I wanted in my relationship.
• 1:04:46
  SPEAKER_02: And then I would notice him doing it, maybe not to the full capacity, but to like to the way in which he knew how to do it in that moment.
• 1:04:56
  SPEAKER_02: And I would celebrate him and celebrate him and celebrate him.
• 1:04:59
  SPEAKER_02: And I would notice the behavior getting stronger and stronger and stronger.
• 1:05:03
  SPEAKER_02: And Jack is a bit of a golden retriever, like a hundred percent.
• 1:05:07
  SPEAKER_02: So the training is really like love you, Jack.
• 1:05:12
  SPEAKER_02: But like, actually, though, like it it's like sometimes we say that we want something, but it's can be really easy to look for the lack and look for what's not working and what's not happening.
• 1:05:24
  SPEAKER_02: And it can actually be a real challenge to like celebrate the things that are working, even if they're smaller.
• 1:05:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:05:31
  SPEAKER_02: And um, just like really encourage every single woman who is listening to this to just like it's so important to celebrate the men in your life and to be in reverence for the for everything that they hold because they just like us, they walk through the world with so many different burdens and a huge burden that so many men walk through this world holding is just like the financial, um, the financial.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_02: Pressure of like being a man and wanting to have a purpose and wanting to provide for the family and wanting to be a leader.
• 1:06:07
  SPEAKER_02: And obviously, not every man wants this, but like there's so much tenderness underneath that I can hold it all, or I need to hold it all, or it's my responsibility to take care of everyone.
• 1:06:22
  SPEAKER_02: And um, I think it's just important that we celebrate that and we can undermine that sometimes.
• 1:06:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:06:29
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it just is like it's actually so simple, which like most things are, and we just like to overcomplicate them.
• 1:06:35
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like it's the same thing with kids.
• 1:06:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like you don't want to, it's the same thing with really anything, but like especially kids, where like you don't want to be always coming from those like negative, those more like low vibrational feelings of like punishment, shame, guilt.
• 1:06:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like you don't want to, when they do something bad, you don't want to make them feel shame about it because that actually doesn't solve anything.
• 1:07:00
  SPEAKER_00: And like rather than focusing on what's not going right, what they're not doing right, it's like focusing on what is going right, what are they doing correctly, and rewarding that to make that the behavior that like you always want to see from them.
• 1:07:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's the same thing with from kids to teenagers to your partner.
• 1:07:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like when we focus on the negative or like more low, low vibrational feelings, that doesn't help anyone.
• 1:07:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like it really just keeps you stuck instead of focusing on like what is what is going right and what's going in a positive direction.
• 1:07:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I really love both of those shares.
• 1:07:40
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:07:41
  SPEAKER_00: And before we wrap up, I just want you guys to tell everyone a little bit about the mothership.
• 1:07:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because I know last time you were on, it was called OV.
• 1:07:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's the mothership.
• 1:07:51
  SPEAKER_00: Tell us about it.
• 1:07:54
  SPEAKER_00: Hee hee hee.
• 1:07:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so we have given Open Virtual some mega upgrades.
• 1:07:59
  SPEAKER_03: So if you've seen Jaden talk about her going through this program with us called Open Virtual, it is the same program, but just times 100 because we just went through just completely upgraded.
• 1:08:13
  SPEAKER_03: So we just went through a whole round of feedback with all of our alumni and have implemented refinement into the program.
• 1:08:22
  SPEAKER_03: So the mothership in a nutshell is the journey of going from being so self-aware that it hurts, normalizing looping survival responses, even if they're that like chronic low grade vibe and feeling overburdened, like you're holding it all, like you're the pillar for everyone, but you don't have anybody really holding that for you in a structured, safe, loving way.
• 1:08:46
  SPEAKER_03: Going from that being the baseline to being in a healthy, empowered state as a creator in your life, feeling like you have freely flowing energy, you've got the capacity for what you're creating for this beautiful vision, and you have the precision to be able to work with your body-mind system in that really holistic, beautiful way so that you can bring all of that to fruition.
• 1:09:14
  SPEAKER_03: That is the journey of what's now the mothership in a nutshell.
• 1:09:18
  SPEAKER_03: And the way that we do that is through two phases.
• 1:09:22
  SPEAKER_03: So as soon as someone enrolls with us, they get immediate access into our world-class, self-paced somatic prep course called the foundation.
• 1:09:31
  SPEAKER_03: And that's where they're gonna learn the tools, they're gonna build the capacity, they're gonna get precise with their stress responses, and they're also gonna go through grounding practices to prep their nervous system for the deep work that we do in those live calls.
• 1:09:45
  SPEAKER_03: The live calls for this upcoming cohort are gonna begin on April 9th, and they are there's seven of those sessions, and each of those live sessions follow the format of about an hour of workshopping around the theme for that week, followed by a full hour deep therapeutic world motherfucking class breath work journey that you will not find in any yoga studio.
• 1:10:11
  SPEAKER_03: You will not find at these one-off events.
• 1:10:13
  SPEAKER_03: These, as you can attest, Jaden, are a very special frequency that Tay and I bring to these.
• 1:10:22
  SPEAKER_03: And we run free masterclasses regularly for people to get a taste of this work.
• 1:10:27
  SPEAKER_03: So if you're curious about that, you can reach out to us.
• 1:10:30
  SPEAKER_03: But what we do throughout this process is bring you up what we call the opening path, which is our version of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, where you can imagine like physiological needs is at the bottom, and then we've got safety, and then we've got individualization, and then we've got power, and then at the very top we've got love and creation and intuition and those beautiful states we all want to be in.
• 1:10:56
  SPEAKER_03: But we can't just fly to Peru, do an aya ceremony, pop the fuck off, and then expect our nervous system to stabilize those results, right?
• 1:11:05
  SPEAKER_03: So the journey of the mothership is this beautiful progression of being patient with your system and allowing that spaciousness with the capacity, the energy flow, the precision, and the the depth of being in those deep breath work journeys every other week across seven sessions to allow for this new stabilization within your system to occur and bring big, beautiful things to life without burning yourself the fuck out.
• 1:11:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I can absolutely like vouch for the program.
• 1:11:42
  SPEAKER_00: I know I talk about it.
• 1:11:43
  SPEAKER_00: So like people still just come up to me and they're like, I think the breath work is working.
• 1:11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's so it's just so funny that you can like see it from the outside.
• 1:11:52
  SPEAKER_00: But um, no, my experience was nothing short of life-changing, and now I'm in the alumni program, the space, because I can't get enough.
• 1:12:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just incredible.
• 1:12:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I highly, highly recommend.
• 1:12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we'll make sure to link all of the things.
• 1:12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I believe this will come out before your next like your free, free journey, free masterclass.
• 1:12:16
  SPEAKER_00: So we will link that as well.
• 1:12:18
  SPEAKER_00: And if you guys are interested in like getting a taste before you jump right in, um, you can join that.
• 1:12:23
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, thank you both so much for sharing your depth of knowledge with us and being on the podcast today.
• 1:12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Jaden.
• 1:12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Jaden.
• 1:12:34
  SPEAKER_00: We love you.
• 1:12:34
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.