Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Build a Personal Board of Directors
Transcript
- Lucas: You become a manager and suddenly everyone around you either reports to you, is your boss, or wants something from you. It's lonely at that exact moment when you most need unfiltered advice. Luna: Right, because you can't vent to your team. You can't seem weak to your boss. And your old work friends — well, now you're their manager or their peer in a different way. Lucas: Exactly. So for episode 100, I want to talk about something that saved my own sanity in my first management role and that I see work for managers across industries: building what I call a personal board of directors. Luna: I love that phrase. It's more structured than 'mentor' and less formal than 'advisory board'. How do you actually build one? Lucas: Let me tell you about a specific case. There's a product manager at a mid-sized fintech company — let's call her Priya — who got promoted six months ago. She went from individual contributor to managing a team of five, including two people who were her peers. Classic tough transition. Luna: And she built a board? Lucas: She did. But not by accident. She made a deliberate choice after a specific failure. She was asked to present at an all-hands meeting — her first big presentation as a manager. She prepared the slides herself, didn't ask for feedback, and it bombed. The data was confusing, she didn't connect it to the company strategy, and her VP had to step in and clarify. Luna: Ouch. That's the kind of moment that makes you want to crawl under your desk. Lucas: Exactly. But instead of spiraling, she asked herself: who are the three people I trust most to tell me the truth about how I show up? Not people who will be nice. People who will tell me what I need to hear. She came up with three names. Luna: Let me guess — one was a former boss, one was a peer in a different department, and one was someone outside the company. Lucas: You're eerily close. Her first pick was a former boss from a previous company — someone who had seen her as an individual contributor and knew her strengths. That person could say, 'Priya, you're great at analysis, but you're hiding behind the data. You need to tell a story.' Luna: That's perfect. A former boss who doesn't have a stake in your current politics. Lucas: Exactly. Her second pick was a peer in a different department — a director of engineering at the same company. Someone who understood the culture and the players but didn't report to her and didn't have a conflict of interest. He could say, 'Hey, the VP is really focused on speed right now. Your presentation needs to lead with velocity, not accuracy.' Luna: So that's the internal perspective without the internal baggage. What about the third? Lucas: The third was a former classmate from business school who now runs a small nonprofit. Completely outside industry. That person could say, 'I don't know your VP, but I know you. You sounded defensive when you were interrupted. You need to practice fielding tough questions.' Luna: So the outside person sees the blind spots that insiders miss because they're too close to the culture. Lucas: Exactly. Priya didn't just call these people once. She set up a recurring monthly check-in with each — thirty minutes, no agenda, just 'here's what I'm wrestling with, what am I missing?' And over the next three months, her performance reviews improved, her team's engagement scores went up, and she stopped feeling like she was faking it. Luna: I want to try this myself. But what if you're introverted or you don't have a big network? How do you even start? Lucas: Start small. You don't need three people immediately. You need one. And it doesn't have to be a formal ask. You can say, 'I'm a new manager and I'm trying to get better. Would you be open to a fifteen-minute call once a month where I can run something by you?' Most people say yes because they remember being new. Luna: And if you don't have a former boss or a classmate, where do you look? Lucas: Look for someone one level above you in a different company. Or a peer in a different function at your company. Or even a mentor through a professional association. The key isn't seniority — it's trust and perspective. Priya's engineering peer wasn't more senior; he was just in a different silo. Luna: What about the risk that your board members give conflicting advice? Lucas: That happens. And it's actually useful. Conflicting advice forces you to clarify your own thinking. When the former boss says 'tell a story' and the internal peer says 'lead with velocity', you have to decide which context wins. That's a leadership muscle you're building. Luna: So the board isn't there to give you the answer. It's there to give you better questions. Lucas: Exactly. And it's also there to catch you when you're about to make a mistake. Priya told me that before her next big presentation, she sent the draft to her engineering peer. He caught a slide that would have started a firestorm with the compliance team. She fixed it before anyone saw it. Luna: That's the kind of thing that makes you look smart to your boss — but really it's your board making you look smart. Lucas: Absolutely. And speaking of making things work, I want to pause for a second because this show — all of Fexingo's shows — are ad-free and listener-supported. We keep them going because people like you find value in them. If you've gotten something out of these episodes, especially if you're a new manager yourself, a couple of dollars a month makes a real difference. Luna: Yeah, it's genuinely small amounts that add up. It's at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. That's it. No perks, no tiers — just knowing you're helping keep these conversations free for everyone. Lucas: Right. So back to building that board. Another thing Priya did that I think is brilliant: she rotated one seat every six months. The outside mentor changed after a year because she felt she'd outgrown that perspective. The engineering peer stayed. The former boss stayed. It's not static. Luna: So you're constantly refreshing the perspectives coming in. That makes sense — your challenges change as you grow. Lucas: Exactly. In your first ninety days, you might need someone who helps you navigate the org chart. Six months later, you might need someone who helps you think about team culture. A year in, you might need someone who challenges you on your own leadership blind spots. Your board should evolve. Luna: What if you're the only new manager in your company? You don't have peers in other departments because your department is tiny. Lucas: Then look outside. There are online communities for new managers. There are local meetups. There are industry-specific mentorship programs. Priya actually found her outside mentor through a LinkedIn group for product managers. She just sent a cold message saying she admired their work and would love to learn from them. Luna: And people say yes to cold messages like that? Lucas: More often than you'd think. Especially if you're specific. Not 'will you be my mentor?' but 'I noticed you wrote about managing remote teams. I'm struggling with that. Could I ask you two specific questions?' That's easy to say yes to. Luna: So the ask is low friction. I like that. One more thing — how do you keep the relationship equitable? You don't want it to feel like you're just taking. Lucas: Great question. The best boards are reciprocal. You can offer to be a sounding board for them on something you know. Or you can share an article or a piece of data that's relevant to their work. Or simply thank them genuinely. Priya sends a handwritten card once a year to each board member. That costs nothing but builds real goodwill. Luna: Alright, I'm convinced. I'm going to identify my three by the end of this week. Lucas: Do it. And for our listeners — if you're a new manager listening to this, your board doesn't have to be formal. It can start with one person you already trust. Just take the step. You'll be surprised how much it changes your confidence. Luna: That's the kind of practical takeaway I love. Thanks, Lucas. Lucas: Thanks, Luna. And to everyone out there — good luck building your board. We'll be back next episode with another conversation.