Latest / Aired Out / Heather Gottlob - 13 Pillows expert, certified Circle Facilitator Superhero with Sweethearts & Heroes

Transcript

Heather Gottlob - 13 Pillows expert, certified Circle Facilitator Superhero with Sweethearts & Heroes · Aired Out

0:00
Speaker 1: You've taught it all Sable Valley High School for the
0:03
Speaker 1: past twenty something years.
0:06
Speaker 2: Yes, that's correct.
0:07
Speaker 1: Now it's an English teacher. You are you are well
0:12
Speaker 1: aware that we've got a misspelling here in the in
0:17
Speaker 1: the title of the book, which is actually intentional. What's
0:20
Speaker 1: the difference between effective with an A ineffective with an E.
0:27
Speaker 2: Oh there's a big difference. DD.
0:31
Speaker 3: So in New York State, teachers are graded, if you will,
0:37
Speaker 3: based on their performance and how highly effective they are
0:41
Speaker 3: as a teacher. And as Tom would say, he thinks
0:46
Speaker 3: that's just a bunch of bolone. Any teacher that you
0:50
Speaker 3: probably remember from elementary school straight through high school probably
0:57
Speaker 3: is memorable mostly because of the human side of them, right,
1:01
Speaker 3: because they were a effective And that's.
1:05
Speaker 2: Really the principle of this entire book, JD.
1:09
Speaker 3: Is. The book breaks down thirteen pillows. If you were
1:13
Speaker 3: their thirteen characteristics of what makes an effective teacher.
1:19
Speaker 2: I'm going to ask you a question, j D.
1:21
Speaker 3: Tell me, yes, who's one of your most memorable teachers?
1:26
Speaker 2: Do you know their name?
1:27
Speaker 1: Can you tell me a little bit about the Yeah,
1:29
Speaker 1: I would say, but I'd say missus Rockwell third grade?
1:36
Speaker 2: Okay, And what was so memorable about missus Rockwell.
1:39
Speaker 1: I think that I think that was memorable for me
1:44
Speaker 1: the most was that my first impression of her was
1:49
Speaker 1: just that she was just, frankly, a mean old lady,
1:55
Speaker 1: and I put her in a box almost immediately, and
2:01
Speaker 1: within uh, I would I would say this is a
2:04
Speaker 1: long time ago, but I would say within probably a
2:06
Speaker 1: couple of months, I started to see the other side
2:11
Speaker 1: of her. And of course, you know, third grade, I'm
2:15
Speaker 1: not really walking around verbalizing this. I'm not coming home saying,
2:18
Speaker 1: you know, mom, I've discovered that there's another side of
2:21
Speaker 1: missus Rockwell that that deserves respect and you know, something
2:28
Speaker 1: that's that's notable here. But I just remember that I
2:32
Speaker 1: don't know.
2:33
Speaker 2: That's awesome, JD.
2:35
Speaker 3: That's exactly what we're trying to teach, if you will,
2:39
Speaker 3: through this book, that we're not seeing students just as
2:44
Speaker 3: numbers in the classroom. To be an effective teacher, you
2:48
Speaker 3: really have to see the human side of them. Everybody
2:54
Speaker 3: loves to be seen and valued and listened to, and that,
2:58
Speaker 3: above all else is what students need before they can
3:02
Speaker 3: learn any sort of content. They need to feel that
3:05
Speaker 3: they are seen and they're respected, and that's what makes
3:08
Speaker 3: them effective teacher. And like I said, these thirteen characteristics,
3:13
Speaker 3: this book kind of breaks it down chapter by chapter,
3:17
Speaker 3: giving little life lessons, if you will, little accolades, little
3:21
Speaker 3: stories that every teacher, whether they're brand new or very
3:26
Speaker 3: well seasoned, everybody can relate to these characteristics.
3:31
Speaker 1: Can you highlight one of one or more of one
3:36
Speaker 1: of these characteristics and maybe maybe something that you've really
3:39
Speaker 1: incorporated into your curriculum more than any.
3:43
Speaker 2: Absolutely I have.
3:44
Speaker 3: I have a couple that I would love to share
3:46
Speaker 3: with you if time allows. But one of my favorite
3:49
Speaker 3: parts I'm going to share with you right now I've
3:52
Speaker 3: got the book in front of me, comes from the
3:56
Speaker 3: chapter called Marathon Versus Sprint, which is the first pillow,
4:01
Speaker 3: the first lesson, if you will, And it's kind of
4:04
Speaker 3: like life, isn't it that life isn't It's not a sprint, right,
4:08
Speaker 3: it's an mari time. You've got to take it slow, right,
4:10
Speaker 3: Sometimes you take steps back, you take steps forward and study.
4:15
Speaker 2: Right.
4:16
Speaker 3: So there's something in this chapter called the pillow test JD.
4:20
Speaker 3: And I'm going to share that with you and then
4:21
Speaker 3: share with you how it relates not only to my
4:25
Speaker 3: job in the classroom, but also how I've really made
4:28
Speaker 3: it part of my own life.
4:30
Speaker 2: So it's simple.
4:31
Speaker 3: When you put your head down on the pillow before
4:33
Speaker 3: falling asleep, how many times can you say, I'm glad
4:37
Speaker 3: I did I'm glad I did what anything. Perhaps you're
4:42
Speaker 3: glad you had EGX for breakfast instead of a waffle.
4:44
Speaker 3: Maybe you're glad you achieved a personal best on your
4:47
Speaker 3: morning job. You could be glad you helped the old
4:49
Speaker 3: janitor pick up trash today, whatever it is, if you
4:52
Speaker 3: can say I'm glad I did, you say it? What
4:55
Speaker 3: if I didn't do something? What if there was something
4:57
Speaker 3: I wanted to do but I didn't do it? Then
5:00
Speaker 3: you say I wish I had. I wish I had
5:03
Speaker 3: helped the janitor pick up trash. I wish I had
5:06
Speaker 3: eat and eggs for breakfast. I wish I had had
5:08
Speaker 3: a conversation with a student going through a fight with
5:10
Speaker 3: their friends. If you have more I'm glad I did, dan,
5:13
Speaker 3: I wish I had statements, you have successfully passed the
5:16
Speaker 3: pillow test in pursuit of your best self, and you
5:20
Speaker 3: know the best part. The reflection every night builds a
5:22
Speaker 3: process of behavior. It creates a sharper consciousness in our
5:26
Speaker 3: daily lives. You're no longer counting your days, but making
5:29
Speaker 3: your days count and each night the game resets, allowing
5:33
Speaker 3: you to reflect.
5:33
Speaker 2: And prepare to do better tomorrow. And I think that.
5:37
Speaker 3: Is such a valuable lesson and it's something that I've
5:40
Speaker 3: passed on to my students, and it's really the simplest
5:43
Speaker 3: thing that you can do.
5:44
Speaker 2: JD.
5:44
Speaker 3: You can do it tonight. Everybody listening can do it tonight.
5:47
Speaker 3: Before you close your eyes and settle into sleep, you
5:49
Speaker 3: just ask yourself those two questions, what's something that you're
5:52
Speaker 3: glad that you did, What's something that you wish you had?
5:56
Speaker 3: And then tomorrow maybe you'll face some of those things
5:59
Speaker 3: a little bit different, and maybe the following night. Eventually
6:02
Speaker 3: those things you wish you had done, maybe day after
6:05
Speaker 3: day after day consciously and subconsciously, you're going to be
6:10
Speaker 3: shifting away from that and just creating a better version
6:13
Speaker 3: of yourself, better choices.
6:15
Speaker 1: Those two questions are so profound. They are I mean,
6:24
Speaker 1: there needs to be tom needs to make some T
6:28
Speaker 1: shirts that that have these these questions on there. Maybe
6:32
Speaker 1: one on the on the front and one question on
6:36
Speaker 1: the back of the But here here's another thing. Is
6:41
Speaker 1: and and I know Tom and Leon and the rest
6:45
Speaker 1: of the team at Sweethearts and Heroes are are often
6:48
Speaker 1: watching and listening. I have a suggestion for your whole
6:54
Speaker 1: team here, and you know Tom's an idea guy. Yes,
6:59
Speaker 1: you'll all know that very very well. I would love
7:04
Speaker 1: to see a thirteen pillows poster with those two questions
7:14
Speaker 1: on it that you could thumbtack to the ceiling above
7:22
Speaker 1: your bed, because sometimes we all know that. Sometimes we
7:30
Speaker 1: often pull back the sheets and get in bed and
7:35
Speaker 1: we're just exhausted or were distracted, or were consumed with
7:41
Speaker 1: something that happened today or what we forgot to do today,
7:46
Speaker 1: or something that we need to do tomorrow that we
7:48
Speaker 1: forgot to write down or whatever, and we're just we're
7:54
Speaker 1: just consumed. I mean, some of us probably hit the
7:59
Speaker 1: pillow at it so hard that we bounce, and I
8:03
Speaker 1: understand that. But but for many of us, we can
8:07
Speaker 1: get into bed and before we close our eyes, we're
8:10
Speaker 1: looking at the ceiling, but we're not seeing what's on
8:12
Speaker 1: the ceiling where we're just seeing and hearing what's in our.
8:15
Speaker 2: Head exactly exactly.
8:19
Speaker 3: And I think what I love about this is no
8:22
Speaker 3: matter where you are, no matter where your head is
8:25
Speaker 3: hitting the pillow. No matter what kind of day you've had,
8:28
Speaker 3: you can you can put that into practice. You can
8:31
Speaker 3: make that part of your daily routine. It's powerful, It's
8:37
Speaker 3: super powerful, and I'm just a huge believer in habits.
8:41
Speaker 3: Every morning I fill out a page in my Gratitude Journal.
8:44
Speaker 2: Wow.
8:45
Speaker 3: But this JD is something that each and every one
8:49
Speaker 3: of us can do. And I challenge everyone listening to
8:54
Speaker 3: start to put that into practice, even just one thing,
8:58
Speaker 3: one thing that you wish you had done, one thing
9:01
Speaker 3: you're glad you did, and it will give you peace
9:04
Speaker 3: of mind and you will I believe if you continue
9:07
Speaker 3: this practice over time, you will wake up the next
9:09
Speaker 3: day and you will start to notice those little things.
9:13
Speaker 3: That's what I've noticed with my gratitude practice, because to
9:16
Speaker 3: fill a page of gratitude from the past twenty four hours,
9:18
Speaker 3: you have to notice the little things. It's the same
9:20
Speaker 3: thing with these two reflective questions at.
9:23
Speaker 2: The end of the day.
9:24
Speaker 1: Why wasn't this type of messaging pushed in the classroom
9:31
Speaker 1: when I was a kid?
9:32
Speaker 3: Man?
9:33
Speaker 1: I just wish that it was all through elementary, middle
9:38
Speaker 1: and high school. I mean, this is the kind of
9:39
Speaker 1: this is big stuff here, This is far beyond it is.
9:43
Speaker 3: This is planting those seeds that I like to call right,
9:47
Speaker 3: planting those seeds that you can carry with you beyond
9:49
Speaker 3: the classroom, beyond school into the.
9:53
Speaker 2: Rest of your life.
9:54
Speaker 3: And some of those little little habits that you can
9:56
Speaker 3: make every single day can literally change your life.
10:04
Speaker 1: How do you how do you incorporate this into your
10:10
Speaker 1: curriculum in terms of reading writing? You're an English teacher,
10:16
Speaker 1: Ye are there projects? Are there assignments that reflect on this?
10:23
Speaker 2: You know?
10:23
Speaker 3: I take certain elements of this book and I just
10:26
Speaker 3: I kind of weave it into everything that I do,
10:30
Speaker 3: so whether I'm teaching the Outsiders or teaching of Mice
10:33
Speaker 3: and Men throughout the book, because I have these conversations
10:38
Speaker 3: with the students, and because I might start class one
10:40
Speaker 3: day and say, oh, guess what I said last night
10:43
Speaker 3: when I was reflecting, you know, one thing I wish
10:45
Speaker 3: I had done, and I just share that with the
10:47
Speaker 3: students a little bit, you know, and one thing I'm
10:49
Speaker 3: glad I'm done. But then I throw it into the
10:51
Speaker 3: student's hands and I'm like, we're reading this book. We're
10:54
Speaker 3: in the middle of Mice and Men. We're talking about
10:55
Speaker 3: George and Lenny as they go to bed tonight after
10:58
Speaker 3: everything that's happened in this chapter, what do you think
11:01
Speaker 3: they would say?
11:03
Speaker 2: You know? So, I just I take.
11:05
Speaker 3: Those little scenes, those things that we're talking about every
11:09
Speaker 3: single day. Of course we're applying it to the literature,
11:12
Speaker 3: but maybe some of those things are things that they
11:14
Speaker 3: can go home and you know what, I can think
11:17
Speaker 3: about those things for myself too. It doesn't have to
11:19
Speaker 3: be about these fictional characters. It doesn't have to be,
11:22
Speaker 3: you know, about this essay that we're writing about. So
11:24
Speaker 3: and so they can take those things and carry them
11:27
Speaker 3: forward into their own lives.
11:29
Speaker 1: You and I both have a daughter. How old is yours?
11:36
Speaker 2: Seventeen?
11:37
Speaker 1: Mine's ten. I'm absolutely I say this half jokingly dreading,
11:45
Speaker 1: dreading the teen years, but also I joke. I mean,
11:52
Speaker 1: I very much am looking and looking forward to it.
11:55
Speaker 1: But I if ten is any kind of constantly of
12:00
Speaker 1: how it's going to be, I am trying to buckle
12:03
Speaker 1: up constantly. How do you is? Now? Is your daughter
12:11
Speaker 1: in your classroom?
12:14
Speaker 2: No, she actually had gone to another school.
12:16
Speaker 3: She transferred to my school during her tenth grade year,
12:19
Speaker 3: so I never had the opportunity to have her as
12:21
Speaker 3: a student and she just graduated in high school a
12:25
Speaker 3: year earlier this year, so she's off to college.
12:27
Speaker 2: In less than three weeks. JD.
12:29
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, So what what what have you done with
12:36
Speaker 1: her with this this type of message, I mean, different
12:41
Speaker 1: different school. I'm guessing this book has has not been
12:45
Speaker 1: has not been introduced to her in the classroom.
12:49
Speaker 3: Right exactly, But there are there's certainly elements of this.
12:55
Speaker 3: For example, what we just talked about that I wish
12:58
Speaker 3: I had, and you know, all of that.
13:02
Speaker 2: I model that at home.
13:03
Speaker 3: It's not just something that I'm speaking about in the classroom.
13:07
Speaker 3: She sees the books that I've literally books that I
13:10
Speaker 3: have filled out of gratitude journals. She sees my daily practice.
13:16
Speaker 3: I never ask her to do the same thing, and
13:20
Speaker 3: I just model that at home, and I give her
13:25
Speaker 3: grace and I give her freedom to kind of navigate
13:28
Speaker 3: through things on her own. But I think, and I
13:32
Speaker 3: believe and I hope that at the end of the
13:34
Speaker 3: day that I'm consistently modeling something that's positive for her
13:39
Speaker 3: or something that maybe she's not going to reflect upon
13:43
Speaker 3: now because she's seventeen, but maybe in ten years she'll
13:46
Speaker 3: be able to look back and be like, oh, mom
13:49
Speaker 3: did these things every single day. Those habits that she had,
13:53
Speaker 3: you know, put certain things in place that helped her
13:57
Speaker 3: be the mom that I can look up to now
13:59
Speaker 3: as in adult and in those.
14:01
Speaker 2: Types of things. Does ship practice? It's a practice, JB.
14:06
Speaker 3: I don't have I don't have the book, I don't
14:09
Speaker 3: have the rules.
14:10
Speaker 2: I don't you don't know.
14:12
Speaker 3: And I think that's one powerful thing about being a parent, right,
14:15
Speaker 3: is that you don't have the guide book and we're
14:18
Speaker 3: we're just doing this for the first time, so day
14:22
Speaker 3: to day is going to be different, right, But again,
14:26
Speaker 3: at the end of the day you reflect, hopefully if
14:29
Speaker 3: there are things consistently that you keep saying you wish
14:32
Speaker 3: you had, maybe you wake up that next morning and
14:34
Speaker 3: you make more efforts to plant those seeds to make
14:38
Speaker 3: some different habits.
14:39
Speaker 1: It's does your daughter? Does your daughter see you flip
14:45
Speaker 1: open your gratitude journal and write something in there when
14:52
Speaker 1: life is sucking hard?
14:57
Speaker 2: Oh, I've shared.
14:58
Speaker 3: I've shared some things, not all with her, but even
15:00
Speaker 3: my students because they're so curious.
15:03
Speaker 2: They're like, how do you fill a.
15:04
Speaker 3: Page every morning? And that creates some really powerful conversations.
15:12
Speaker 3: And I've shared with them, you know, even on my
15:16
Speaker 3: really challenging days, the days that I wake up not
15:21
Speaker 3: knowing how to get through the day and just knowing
15:23
Speaker 3: that I have to just inhale xhale repeat, I still
15:26
Speaker 3: force myself to do that.
15:27
Speaker 2: And why do I do that?
15:28
Speaker 3: Because building those habits, it's not for the good days, JD.
15:32
Speaker 3: It's for the struggling days. If I didn't have those
15:35
Speaker 3: habits on those struggling days, I wouldn't have those things
15:38
Speaker 3: to fall back on. And that, to me, I think
15:43
Speaker 3: is super powerful. And that idea is threaded throughout throughout
15:51
Speaker 3: this book. There's another section of the book that I
15:53
Speaker 3: wanted to share with you called Wilting Flowers.
15:58
Speaker 2: Which I just love. I'm going to read you a
16:00
Speaker 2: passage we find it. My parents used to be flooris.
16:06
Speaker 2: He said.
16:06
Speaker 3: They owned a nursery back in the day before my
16:08
Speaker 3: father became a lawyer and we moved to the city.
16:11
Speaker 2: One day we were walking through.
16:12
Speaker 3: The nursery and we passed this bushel and my dad
16:15
Speaker 3: stopped me and asked if I notice anything. We took
16:17
Speaker 3: a few steps back and he pointed at a single
16:19
Speaker 3: flower with wilt. Never walk by a wilting flower, he
16:23
Speaker 3: told me, and to this day, it's a lesson I
16:25
Speaker 3: prize above most and it continues later on. Are the
16:30
Speaker 3: wilting flowers students the ones who struggle in silence?
16:34
Speaker 2: Yes, plants feeling human.
16:37
Speaker 3: Like emotions is a little far fetched, but it's a
16:40
Speaker 3: less stretch to say that our words positively or negatively
16:43
Speaker 3: affect a wilting student. When we take a young person
16:46
Speaker 3: facing a secret struggle, he pulled on the sliding tin
16:49
Speaker 3: door and it squealed from the rest, and you sprinkle
16:52
Speaker 3: them with hope, we meet some of their basic needs
16:55
Speaker 3: of significance and acceptance. And when I read this or
17:00
Speaker 3: the first time, and I go back, and I read
17:02
Speaker 3: this many times, and I often have different perspectives depending
17:05
Speaker 3: on where I am in my life when I read it.
17:07
Speaker 3: But we are surrounded not only in schools, but in
17:11
Speaker 3: life by wilting flowers. Every single one of us, you
17:16
Speaker 3: and I included right now are struggling with something. And
17:19
Speaker 3: my struggle may not be anything like yours. And from
17:23
Speaker 3: the outside, my struggle might look like nothing. And some
17:27
Speaker 3: people might question, well, how is that a struggle that
17:29
Speaker 3: wouldn't be a struggle to me? But who are we
17:31
Speaker 3: to judge the wilt that we all carry around with us.
17:35
Speaker 3: And I think that's the one thing, the one common
17:38
Speaker 3: thread no matter where you are in this world, is
17:40
Speaker 3: that to struggle is to be human. Let me say
17:45
Speaker 3: that again, to struggle is to be human. There isn't
17:50
Speaker 3: one person on this earth who has never struggled with something.
17:55
Speaker 3: And I know it's so cliche, you know, be kind,
17:58
Speaker 3: spread kindness, but my god, it.
18:01
Speaker 2: Is so true. Yeah, it is so.
18:03
Speaker 3: True because and going back to the classroom, there are
18:07
Speaker 3: so many students wilting.
18:10
Speaker 2: And you would be surprised. JD.
18:13
Speaker 3: I hold circle conversations with my students, and man, over
18:18
Speaker 3: this past school year. I had one class they blew
18:22
Speaker 3: me away.
18:23
Speaker 2: We were half of us were in tears one day.
18:27
Speaker 3: The connections within that circle that I had no idea about,
18:31
Speaker 3: that they had no idea about, that they were able
18:34
Speaker 3: to just be vulnerable and share.
18:36
Speaker 2: And the amount of wilt that I realized was sitting
18:40
Speaker 2: in that circle amazing.
18:44
Speaker 3: Even more amazing that these fourteen to fifteen year olds
18:47
Speaker 3: can carry around this wilt and in such a way
18:51
Speaker 3: that so many people, adults included, have no idea what
18:55
Speaker 3: they're carrying.
18:57
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I I hear you loud and clear.
19:02
Speaker 1: I had a circle experience with Tom and and some
19:11
Speaker 1: students all about sixteen, seventeen, eighteen years old, and I
19:21
Speaker 1: was stunned at what I heard, but both amazingly positive
19:30
Speaker 1: stuff and some hardship too that these kids are are
19:37
Speaker 1: carrying around. And probably the biggest one of the biggest
19:44
Speaker 1: takeaways for me is that when they had the mic,
19:52
Speaker 1: it was their opportunity to speak, and others were forced
19:57
Speaker 1: to listen, including my myself, which was not easy because
20:03
Speaker 1: I always love to follow up with with questions and
20:06
Speaker 1: I'm just curious. And when they were done and the
20:12
Speaker 1: mic was handed to the next person, I had this
20:15
Speaker 1: feeling of wait, wait, hang on, go back, and I
20:20
Speaker 1: wasn't allowed to do that, and I just I left
20:26
Speaker 1: there driving home thinking, wow, this is really amazing. Can
20:32
Speaker 1: you And I say to I said to myself, can
20:33
Speaker 1: you imagine if this type of stuff was was being
20:38
Speaker 1: done when you were in high school? Yeah?
20:42
Speaker 2: Imagine that. I think about that all the time. Yeah.
20:48
Speaker 1: Really is something you know, back to your gratitude journal
20:56
Speaker 1: and how you you bring that into your your person,
21:00
Speaker 1: the life, you bring it into your classroom. It makes
21:02
Speaker 1: me makes me think of doctor Joe Dispensa and I'm
21:07
Speaker 1: not sure if you're familiar with him, a international researcher, speaker,
21:18
Speaker 1: author of some incredible books who basically says that our
21:24
Speaker 1: thought patterns are hardwired into our brains and that our reactions,
21:32
Speaker 1: our emotions, are behaviors often are the result of our
21:39
Speaker 1: thinking habits, and that we can easily get stuck in
21:45
Speaker 1: a rout and feel like we're having we're having the
21:48
Speaker 1: same experiences in our lives over and over again. And
21:54
Speaker 1: yes you are. And it's a result of your thinking patterns,
21:59
Speaker 1: which are in incredibly hard to break.
22:03
Speaker 2: Yes, Oh, that is so powerful.
22:05
Speaker 3: We have the most conversations with ourselves every single day. God,
22:10
Speaker 3: I know thousands of internal conversations. And oh I saw
22:16
Speaker 3: a podcast recently.
22:17
Speaker 2: Gosh I could remember which one. I can't remember.
22:20
Speaker 3: Anyway, But the message is exactly what we're talking about here,
22:24
Speaker 3: is that so often we're having those same conversations in
22:27
Speaker 3: our head, day after day, hour after hour, and that's
22:32
Speaker 3: how we start to believe about ourselves.
22:34
Speaker 2: Sure are these internal thoughts? So if you and I JD.
22:38
Speaker 3: Are doing this as adults, seasoned adults, think about our kids, right,
22:46
Speaker 3: who are having those internal conversations, who aren't having conversations
22:53
Speaker 3: similar to how you and I had with our friends
22:55
Speaker 3: when we were growing up, right right, yeah, so powerful?
23:01
Speaker 3: And how do you break that habit if it's all
23:03
Speaker 3: you've been exposed to is just your own internal mind.
23:06
Speaker 1: Right yeah, and it's it's you know, let's be honest,
23:12
Speaker 1: it's it's hard sometimes two to listen.
23:18
Speaker 2: When oh, it's incredibly hard.
23:20
Speaker 1: When you're listening to somebody else. But the mean, in
23:24
Speaker 1: the meanwhile, you're you're having a hard time shutting off
23:27
Speaker 1: the or pausing the voices in your own head that
23:33
Speaker 1: are telling you things. And they could be thousands of
23:38
Speaker 1: different thoughts that are happening just in uh, just in
23:43
Speaker 1: the waking hours of your day. I'm too fat, I'm
23:46
Speaker 1: too skinny, I'm not sure, I'm not good at this.
23:49
Speaker 1: Uh or I think I'm great at this, but I'm
23:52
Speaker 1: not really sure. And we were carrying around all of
23:56
Speaker 1: this this stuff. Yeah, and then and then we're expected
24:00
Speaker 1: to hit pause and to stop and clear our heads
24:05
Speaker 1: and listen to our husbands, our wives, our boyfriend's girlfriends,
24:09
Speaker 1: our teachers. It's not easy. It's not easy.
24:14
Speaker 2: But if we don't practice that, JD. How do we
24:17
Speaker 2: turn it off?
24:17
Speaker 3: And how are we able to successfully listen if we
24:20
Speaker 3: don't put that into practice.
24:22
Speaker 2: That's what that's was so much of.
24:24
Speaker 3: The characteristics of this book, and even you know the
24:26
Speaker 3: practice of circle, obviously, right, is the power of listening.
24:31
Speaker 3: You need a circle of people. One person's doing the talking.
24:35
Speaker 3: More people are listening than talking. But that's that's not
24:39
Speaker 3: something that we typically.
24:40
Speaker 2: Do day to day.
24:43
Speaker 3: You know, even at home, somebody starts talking and then
24:45
Speaker 3: somebody interjects because you said something that made them think
24:48
Speaker 3: of something else. You never get to finish what you
24:50
Speaker 3: had to say. And we are not a listening society,
24:55
Speaker 3: are we? No?
24:56
Speaker 2: Or a very successful one?
24:58
Speaker 1: Now you're spot on. You know, I was reading your
25:02
Speaker 1: bio last night and I saw that you were You
25:06
Speaker 1: went to Plattsburgh State University and you were in NCAA
25:11
Speaker 1: Division three cross country runner. Yes, correct, I said to myself.
25:17
Speaker 1: As soon as I saw that, I got the the
25:21
Speaker 1: mental toughness ding ding, there's there's somebody. So it's in
25:27
Speaker 1: my opinion, and the only time I run is when
25:33
Speaker 1: I'm being chased, or if I'm chasing chasing someone like
25:38
Speaker 1: my kid. But here's what I know about runners is
25:43
Speaker 1: that it's almost impossible to be a runner, whether you're
25:50
Speaker 1: running competitively, or you're running in in high school track
25:54
Speaker 1: or field college uh or or just to get in shape.
25:57
Speaker 1: It's almost impossible to be a runner and not have
26:02
Speaker 1: an incredible amount of mental toughness because what you're doing
26:08
Speaker 1: is repetitive. You're hot, you're tired, your legs are burning,
26:14
Speaker 1: you need a drink, you want to stop. You're going uphill.
26:20
Speaker 1: You're wondering how much longer this hill is going to last.
26:23
Speaker 1: You're wondering how you're doing, where are you placing right now,
26:27
Speaker 1: how many people are behind you, how many people are
26:30
Speaker 1: in front of you? Who do you need to catch
26:31
Speaker 1: up with? Are you going to get that trophy that metal?
26:36
Speaker 1: Are you going to fail today? How's that ankle that's
26:40
Speaker 1: been bothering you for the last couple of weeks. These
26:42
Speaker 1: are all things that are running through your head, I'm
26:45
Speaker 1: sure while you're running.
26:48
Speaker 3: And as I've I love that analogy, JD. As I've
26:52
Speaker 3: grown older, I definitely stepped away from running, but I
26:56
Speaker 3: have kept that. I guess that mental toughness with other
27:02
Speaker 3: things that I got into hiking last year, that's become
27:05
Speaker 3: a huge mental toughness thing.
27:08
Speaker 2: I'm a fitness instructor.
27:09
Speaker 3: I do yoga, so that takes some mental toughness, right
27:13
Speaker 3: in a different way, to be present and to not
27:18
Speaker 3: let that outside, those outside thoughts keep infiltrating your mind
27:23
Speaker 3: when you're trying to stay present. But yeah, the root
27:28
Speaker 3: of all of this that we're talking about today and
27:31
Speaker 3: making those small changes is to find that mental toughness. Yeah,
27:37
Speaker 3: what isn't isn't that kind of the core of what
27:41
Speaker 3: someone might define as success in life?
27:44
Speaker 1: Sure? Right?
27:46
Speaker 3: And it comes down to hope, right, you know, if
27:49
Speaker 3: you I think about these students, I mean they're young, right,
27:54
Speaker 3: they haven't built up that mental toughness. Many of them,
27:58
Speaker 3: through the different challenges, they'll get there. But with that
28:01
Speaker 3: and just that feeling of hopelessness.
28:06
Speaker 2: There's there's just a lot going on with our students.
28:09
Speaker 3: So to shy away from or turn a blind eye
28:14
Speaker 3: to what the students really need.
28:18
Speaker 2: Isn't going to help them?
28:19
Speaker 1: Right? Absolutely true? You know. And I'm just I'm sitting
28:25
Speaker 1: here listening to you and I'm thinking about the word
28:27
Speaker 1: perseverance and how man, it's it's I wish someone said
28:34
Speaker 1: to me when I was in high school I wish
28:37
Speaker 1: someone could could have pulled me aside and said, look,
28:42
Speaker 1: I got a snapshot of your future. You're going to
28:45
Speaker 1: be paddling through some really rough waters that you're not
28:49
Speaker 1: aware of. You need to you need to. You need
28:56
Speaker 1: to learn now what it means to persevere, because you're
29:02
Speaker 1: going to have to put your head down and push
29:05
Speaker 1: through some things in your life. And frankly, some of
29:09
Speaker 1: those things are going to be some not so great
29:13
Speaker 1: decisions that you're going to have to pay the price on.
29:19
Speaker 1: I wish someone had done that with me and given
29:23
Speaker 1: me that heads up. But you're doing that.
29:27
Speaker 3: And it made me think of something I did this
29:29
Speaker 3: year for the first time, Gidi. It was probably halfway
29:35
Speaker 3: through the school year, and I decided to share some
29:39
Speaker 3: really personal stuff with my students. If you can imagine,
29:42
Speaker 3: i'd put I put four sentences up on the board.
29:47
Speaker 3: I didn't let them know that these events, these things
29:49
Speaker 3: had happened to me, but I read the four statements
29:53
Speaker 3: and I said, you know, this happened to a really
29:54
Speaker 3: close friend of mine.
29:56
Speaker 2: I said, I want you to get in.
29:57
Speaker 3: Groups and tell me what kind of character do you
29:59
Speaker 3: think this person grew up to have based on these
30:02
Speaker 3: four things that happened to them. It's amazing the stuff.
30:06
Speaker 3: They were just dissecting all of these statements and like, well,
30:09
Speaker 3: because of this, she probably grew up to be really insecure.
30:12
Speaker 3: Because of this, she probably grew up to be a strong.
30:14
Speaker 2: Mother, like all these things.
30:15
Speaker 3: So they're all sharing out and I read the four
30:17
Speaker 3: statements again and I said, you know what, I said,
30:20
Speaker 3: that friend, I said, that friend is me. I said,
30:23
Speaker 3: these are four things that have happened to me. And
30:25
Speaker 3: I'm sharing this with you today, not for you to
30:27
Speaker 3: feel bad for me, not for anything that I went
30:31
Speaker 3: through things like that, I said, But I want you
30:33
Speaker 3: to see that I still show up. I show up
30:36
Speaker 3: every day, I said. Guys, you know, in my twenty
30:38
Speaker 3: three years of teaching, there have been days where it's
30:42
Speaker 3: a struggle to get to work because.
30:44
Speaker 2: Of things that I'm going through in my personal life.
30:46
Speaker 3: It's a struggle to get up and put on my
30:48
Speaker 3: happy face and teach what I have to teach that day.
30:51
Speaker 2: I said. But I show up, I said.
30:53
Speaker 3: And that's my message for you, Like, just keep showing
30:56
Speaker 3: up because you never ever know, like you're tomorrow could
31:00
Speaker 3: look different from today and a year from now, in
31:03
Speaker 3: five years from now, I'm like, just keep showing up.
31:07
Speaker 2: That's all you got to do. And I'll be honest.
31:09
Speaker 3: These four statements like these are things that I think
31:13
Speaker 3: probably only one or two colleagues in that entire building
31:17
Speaker 3: know from my twenty three years.
31:19
Speaker 2: But I felt.
31:19
Speaker 3: Comfortable enough with my group of students this year. I
31:22
Speaker 3: thought it was a message they had to hear. And
31:24
Speaker 3: you know, if it if it helps one or two
31:26
Speaker 3: kids just by doing a quick five minute lesson and
31:29
Speaker 3: for them to see a humanside of me, and then
31:31
Speaker 3: I can dive into all the English heapings that I
31:34
Speaker 3: have to do, like I tell them, then it's worth it.
31:38
Speaker 3: But the kids today, I'm not saying that I didn't
31:41
Speaker 3: need that when I was growing up in my generation.
31:43
Speaker 2: But the kids today I feel need that more than ever.
31:50
Speaker 2: They need the human side of people.
31:52
Speaker 1: Yeah wow, well, well said, tell me about the Brave program,
31:58
Speaker 1: tell me about your freshman students.
32:02
Speaker 2: Yeah.
32:03
Speaker 3: So, like I said about four years ago, I took
32:06
Speaker 3: the students through the book. I did not binge it
32:10
Speaker 3: like you typically binge a book, right, you know you
32:15
Speaker 3: binge stuff on Netflix? Right, Typically when you're in an
32:17
Speaker 3: English class, you binge a book like you spend a month,
32:20
Speaker 3: You're going to read the whole book.
32:21
Speaker 2: You're going to do this, You're going.
32:22
Speaker 3: To do that with this book, just because of how
32:24
Speaker 3: it's set up and the thirteen powerful messages in it.
32:28
Speaker 3: Just every week or two we would read a chapter
32:31
Speaker 3: and then get back to it in a couple of weeks.
32:32
Speaker 3: So it kind of took the year to walk them
32:35
Speaker 3: through those thirteen pillows, if you will, those thirteen characteristics,
32:40
Speaker 3: and just a different way of teaching the book. There
32:45
Speaker 3: is also a program I know many schools that have
32:50
Speaker 3: taken part in it, and I've been able to be
32:52
Speaker 3: exposed to it quite a bit, the Braves Program, which
32:55
Speaker 3: is giving students empowerment and giving them the chance to
33:00
Speaker 3: be leaders and to take on roles in the classroom,
33:04
Speaker 3: outside the classroom throughout their district. And it's just really
33:08
Speaker 3: powerful when you can sit back and you can be
33:10
Speaker 3: the moderator and let kids have a voice and let them.
33:15
Speaker 2: Be the change if you will, It's a.
33:18
Speaker 3: Really powerful thing, a great seed to plant, if you will,
33:22
Speaker 3: for these students.
33:24
Speaker 1: Heather Gottlob is a twenty plus year teacher at all
33:33
Speaker 1: Sable Valley High School getting ready for a new school
33:36
Speaker 1: year right in front of her, teaching ninth grade English
33:43
Speaker 1: and also one of the big time team players with
33:48
Speaker 1: the Sweethearts and Heroes organization. I want to know your
33:57
Speaker 1: story of how you met Tom, how you met Sweethearts
34:03
Speaker 1: and Heroes, and how you became part of all of.
34:06
Speaker 2: This gosh five.
34:09
Speaker 3: I think it was five years ago now, jd that
34:13
Speaker 3: they came and they they did their presentation at a
34:16
Speaker 3: sable and I remember Rick came to my classroom and
34:24
Speaker 3: spoke with some of the students after their presentation, and
34:29
Speaker 3: I was going through a challenging time.
34:33
Speaker 2: I was going through a divorce at the time.
34:34
Speaker 3: And Rick stood at the front of my classroom and
34:40
Speaker 3: he said to the students that being burned was one
34:45
Speaker 3: of the best days of his life. And it led
34:50
Speaker 3: to this powerful conversation, and I spoke with him. I
34:52
Speaker 3: don't even know if he remembers this, but I spoke
34:56
Speaker 3: with him after and he shared with me that it's
35:02
Speaker 3: like a phoenix rising from the ashes, right. But to
35:06
Speaker 3: hear his story, and I know you know Rick's story
35:10
Speaker 3: and just again going back to mindset, right, like so
35:14
Speaker 3: many people could go through that same instance, and everybody's
35:19
Speaker 3: going to walk out of that differently, right, But to
35:21
Speaker 3: hear him share his story and really his his literal
35:26
Speaker 3: survival story, but really his mindset survival story, like he
35:30
Speaker 3: chose to have that mindset, right. I mean, you can't
35:34
Speaker 3: give somebody mindset Like I can't tell you JB to
35:36
Speaker 3: sit and reflect every single night. I can try to
35:39
Speaker 3: instill those habits, but at the end of the day,
35:41
Speaker 3: it's you and your thoughts and what you're thinking is powerful.
35:45
Speaker 2: But it's completely up to you.
35:47
Speaker 3: The mindset that you're going to have, how you're going
35:49
Speaker 3: to approach things, the perspective that you're going to have
35:52
Speaker 3: on anything that happens to you, smaller, big, every single day.
35:58
Speaker 3: And that was that was super powerful for me to
36:01
Speaker 3: hear that message when when I was going through a
36:04
Speaker 3: trouble in time for myself.
36:07
Speaker 2: And since then, I just I come back to.
36:10
Speaker 3: That time and time again and I think about that mindset.
36:14
Speaker 3: And it wasn't soon after that that that I was
36:18
Speaker 3: connected with Tom and then you know, he shared this
36:21
Speaker 3: book with me, and I just he was such a
36:23
Speaker 3: personable guy. And I mean, Thomas talked to like hundreds
36:26
Speaker 3: of people every day. It seems like his I don't
36:29
Speaker 3: I don't think the guy sleeps. I don't know how
36:33
Speaker 3: he does what he does, but since now, like I
36:37
Speaker 3: could call him anytime and he'll make it seem like
36:40
Speaker 3: he's got nothing else on his agenda. And that's how
36:42
Speaker 3: it's been, That's how our friendship's went for the past
36:44
Speaker 3: five years. And I'm sure he's exactly the same with you.
36:47
Speaker 3: But he is a special, special guy to be able
36:51
Speaker 3: to do that. He he makes me feel valued and
36:57
Speaker 3: listen to and appreciated.
36:59
Speaker 2: And it was because of.
37:01
Speaker 3: That that I just I just soaked up this sweethearts
37:06
Speaker 3: and hero stuff and it just seemed natural that, you know,
37:09
Speaker 3: after reading the book that of course, why would I
37:11
Speaker 3: not want to share some.
37:12
Speaker 2: Of these messages with my students, whether we read from
37:15
Speaker 2: the book or not.
37:16
Speaker 3: You know, this book has planted seeds in my life
37:18
Speaker 3: that I just had naturally made part of my day
37:23
Speaker 3: to day life. So because it's part of who I am,
37:25
Speaker 3: of course I'm going to share that with anybody in
37:27
Speaker 3: my world, whether that students or friends or family or whatever.
37:30
Speaker 2: But it's been a powerful journey. JB.
37:34
Speaker 1: You guys, I'll tell you, And I know I said
37:39
Speaker 1: this last time, and damn it, I'm going to say
37:42
Speaker 1: it again. Every single one of you that I have met,
37:47
Speaker 1: from sweethearts and heroes, has brought something so profound not
37:53
Speaker 1: only to my airwaves, into my followers and listeners, but
37:58
Speaker 1: also to me on a real deep personal level. I
38:01
Speaker 1: have I have just absorbed so much from from all
38:06
Speaker 1: of you, and every single I mean, pat Rick, Tom,
38:11
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter who it is. All of you have
38:15
Speaker 1: just brought so much UH to the airwaves and I
38:19
Speaker 1: cannot possibly thank you enough. I hope that I get
38:24
Speaker 1: to meet you. I hope that we can all get
38:27
Speaker 1: together sometime. Maybe Tom will spring for you know, a
38:33
Speaker 1: couple of nights at a at a hotel so that
38:35
Speaker 1: we can all get together in one place and and
38:38
Speaker 1: uh just be together.
38:41
Speaker 2: That would that would be fantastic.
38:44
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, man. And it's like, and I said
38:47
Speaker 1: to God, who I think, I said it to Joe
38:52
Speaker 1: who was on with me last time, that it's it's
38:57
Speaker 1: kind of a it's kind of a dream of that
39:01
Speaker 1: I can be, that I can be part of a
39:03
Speaker 1: circle with just sweethearts and heroes people.
39:08
Speaker 2: That'd be powerful, super powerful. Let's make it happen.
39:11
Speaker 1: Jb Oh, I would love to Heather. Thank you so much.
39:15
Speaker 1: For your time this morning.
39:17
Speaker 2: Gosh, thank you, thank you.
39:19
Speaker 3: I love having these conversations and this was this is
39:22
Speaker 3: super powerful.
39:23
Speaker 2: Thank you.
39:24
Speaker 1: If your child's school is not yet connected with Sweethearts
39:31
Speaker 1: and Heroes, I'm not sure what you're waiting for. Get
39:35
Speaker 1: on Sweetheartsnheroes dot com. That's the point, that's the go
39:40
Speaker 1: to right there. Learn about them, bring them into your school,
39:45
Speaker 1: and bring them into your child's life. It is going
39:50
Speaker 1: to make a huge, huge difference. I might even say guaranteed.
39:58
Speaker 2: Thanks Jji, Thanks he.
40:00
Speaker 1: I hope to meet you soon. Thank you so much
40:02
Speaker 1: for joining us this morning.
40:04
Speaker 2: You're welcome.
40:05
Speaker 1: What a conversation this morning. Thanks everybody for tuning in,
40:10
Speaker 1: for being part of the experience this morning, and thanks
40:13
Speaker 1: to our sponsors. We're gonna We're gonna have some fun
40:16
Speaker 1: tomorrow morning. Gee is gonna be with us. He's going
40:19
Speaker 1: to be kicking things into the gear and getting ready
40:22
Speaker 1: for the weekend as we approach it. Rex is gonna
40:26
Speaker 1: be with us Friday. It's gonna be an amazing weekend.
40:28
Speaker 1: We have a lot of stuff going on in our
40:31
Speaker 1: community calendar. Thanks for being part of the experience this morning.
40:34
Speaker 1: Make sure to give a like a thumbs up, a
40:37
Speaker 1: share of any episode that you enjoy, any episode that
40:43
Speaker 1: has had an effect on you. God blessed, take good care.
40:47
Speaker 1: We'll catch you tomorrow morning. Here on aired.
40:50
Speaker 4: Out, Thank you, PA, thanking of the tot