Latest / Intimate Conversations with Men about Life, Love, and Sex / Why You Keep Attracting the Wrong Person (It's Not Bad Luck) with Rodrigo Garcia Platas Part 3
Transcript
- [00:00:00] Rodrigo: When you respect people and you give them the right tools and you explain things clearly, human beings are amazing and they're unstoppable, and they're able to fix their whole lives in a couple of months if you point them in the right direction and y- they're willing to go into the pain that they didn't wanna face. [00:00:17] Elena: Wow. You still listening? Continue listening because we're gonna get to a juicy question [00:00:25] Voiceover: This begins part three of Elena's conversation with Rodrigo Garcia Platas [00:00:30] Elena: Rodrigo, are you able to share, of course, without names, a case, somebody that you handle that changed their life, one or two people, where they were, what happened, what transformed, and if you heard or know anything about them? [00:00:46] Rodrigo: Well, the most typical case I can tell you, and I have a, a couple of entrepreneurs that I can talk about because I have their permission, without saying their names obviously. I'll give you one example. There's this choleric guy, Mexican. Very smart, very business savvy. And he took a workshop with me years ago, and then he was having trouble with his family, et cetera, et cetera, and he looked for me and he said, "I need help." [00:01:11] Rodrigo: This was at the beginning of the pandemic. I was just getting started in Spanish. And when he finally understood that he was choleric, watching that man forgive himself and understand himself and keep all the tools that made him number one in his industry in Latin America, because he is, while saving his relationship with his wife, while healing the relationships with his children. [00:01:38] Rodrigo: And then one day I received a letter from his daughter. [00:01:42] Elena: Mm. [00:01:42] Rodrigo: And the letter was a picture of them in Christmas, the whole family together. And the letter just said, "Thank you. First Christmas that this family has spent together in more than a decade. [00:01:54] Elena: Wow. [00:01:54] Rodrigo: "Thank you." And I still have that picture, and I have it in a box of memories, and I cry every once in a while when I, when I, when I see it. [00:02:01] Rodrigo: But the truth is that it's more brief moment like what I just had with your mom. I didn't know your mom. Your mom knows about me because she's seen your growth. She's seen what you've created. She's seen the layers that you were willing to peel off and all the pain that that meant. Like, I, I don't know how much you want to open this up, but I've seen you in that same office facing your demons in ways that most people will never dream of. [00:02:28] Rodrigo: And then suddenly looking at your mom just popping in and saying, "Thank you. Hi." "If you ever come by, come here, and we'll, we'll give you something to eat," and blah, blah, blah, in the most Latino way in the world. Yeah. That's my gift. That's, that's the story. But let me give you one final example. You actually know this human being, and I have permission to talk about her. [00:02:49] Rodrigo: I've worked with many athletes. [00:02:51] Elena: Mm-hmm. [00:02:51] Rodrigo: I've worked with athletes in O- Olympic Games and national championships. I work with people in different sports. Then I need to learn about a new sport because sport psychology is not every sport. And finding someone that was about to become an Olympic competitor just to prove to their mom and dad that she's worthy of love [00:03:13] Elena: Mm-hmm [00:03:14] Rodrigo: And being able to bring her back from that, heal the relationships, and now have the sport be something that she loves and not something that she hates because it was the only thing that gave her love and attention. [00:03:27] Elena: Mm-hmm. [00:03:28] Rodrigo: And now seeing her getting certified in this methodology because not only is she an amazing athlete, but she's probably gonna be an amazing therapist while she's also studying clinical psychology. Those are the real gifts. Now the truth is that just like you, most people when they walk in my certification, they're just getting to know each other and they assume that everybody's new. [00:03:47] Rodrigo: But between 30 and 50% of the room are people that I've been working with for a long time that finally decided to step into the certification. But they've seen the journey. They've lived it themselves. They healed so many things. And I don't feel like it's the method or myself that does this. It's when you respect people, and you give them the right tools, and you explain things clearly, human beings are amazing, and they're unstoppable, and they're able to fix their whole lives in a couple of months if you point them in the right direction and y- they're willing to go into the pain that they didn't wanna face. [00:04:23] Elena: You still listening? Continue listening because we're gonna get to a juicy question. Why do we attract the individuals- [00:04:33] Rodrigo: That we attract ... [00:04:34] Elena: that we attract? [00:04:36] Rodrigo: Well, it's not by chance, I can tell you that. It has nothing to do with luck. I'm known in the therapeutic world for two theories. [00:04:44] Elena: Mm-hmm. [00:04:44] Rodrigo: Um, the first one is what we've been talking about, which is the, the RGP method, which is this whole thing about your biology, your personality, and your trauma, which I think would need to be the one, two, three for every human being in the world. [00:04:56] Rodrigo: But then after that, the other methodology that people know me for, and I'll, I'll soon start certifying people again in this methodology, is traumatic compatibility. After years of paying attention to why people choose each other, and after years of giving couples sessions and working with couples all over the world, I started realizing that who we choose and how we choose them is extremely precise. [00:05:18] Rodrigo: I honestly believe that human beings don't make mistakes. We're amazing at justifying the stupid things that we do, but we do not make mistakes. That's at least the philosophy that I like to live in. First, you need to understand this. As you go through your therapeutical journey, you're gonna start finding what people constantly call negative beliefs or limiting beliefs. [00:05:39] Elena: Mm-hmm. [00:05:39] Rodrigo: The truth is that who you are is based on every belief that you created in order to explain pain. In the same way you decided fire burns by getting burnt one time, feeling pain, and going like, "I never wanna feel this pain again," you learnt that you live in a world that has fire, and you adapted who you are to living in a world that has fire so that you didn't get burnt constantly. [00:06:01] Rodrigo: Today, as an adult, you don't need to remember that fire burns. You just walk into the kitchen, and you've adapted. There's many unconscious things that are happening inside of you, and your choices, and your body for you not to get burnt without even thinking about it. [00:06:15] Elena: Mm-hmm. [00:06:15] Rodrigo: Now, if we take that exact same principle and we bring it towards love, because we're not parenting our children in ways that teaches them what they're experiencing, what the name of this emotion is, how you handle this emotion, then we just have them be savages through life, learning what hurts and what doesn't while they're making up their mind about how they need to adapt to never feel this pain again. [00:06:38] Rodrigo: Example, I grew up with an extremely controlling mother. She's very strict. She's very precise about what's right and what's wrong. We, we usually call this type one personality or type one leadership. [00:06:51] Elena: Mm-hmm. [00:06:51] Rodrigo: There's no gray scale. This is right. This is wrong. That's it. This is my mother. I need her love. I need her attention. [00:07:02] Rodrigo: So in order to connect with my mother, I will eventually have to create some meaning around why she treats me the way she does, why she reacts the way she does, and all I want is for her to love me So if I don't have the space to process my pain and understand what's happening, I will normalize my mother's behavior. [00:07:25] Rodrigo: And for a child, it's way easier to decide that all women are controlling, and all women are this dominating, and all women need to act like this in their relationships because if not, they're not safe, because that's what I've seen. If my mom is not controlling, she acts like someone's abusing her, like someone didn't keep their word. [00:07:46] Rodrigo: Like, "I trusted someone again, and look what they did to me," which is what all controllers say. I'm gonna believe that she's in pain when she's not controlling. I'm gonna create ways of being that are compatible with having a controlling mother. I'm gonna be amazing at protecting her and being the right way and knowing what to say and knowing how to act in order to survive around a controlling mother because I really need her love. [00:08:10] Rodrigo: And I'm go- not gonna realize that I'm creating a very specific belief in my head. I'm deciding what women are. By not being able to say, "I'm feeling pain. Mom is like this. This is not the truth. This is not the truth about who I am." It's the clarity of mind that someone can have only if they know how to process their emotions. [00:08:33] Rodrigo: If they don't know how to process their emotions, they don't have that level of clarity in their head. They're just surviving the next fearful moment that's about to happen. So by the time I turn thirty-one, I'm gonna ask myself why I'm in a marriage where I feel not valued, not seen, with an extremely controlling wife that's yelling at me all the time telling me that I'm not good enough. [00:08:54] Rodrigo: And I'm gonna think that it's her problem. And I'm gonna get a divorce and look for another woman, and I'm gonna think that she's different because she's being so nice at the beginning. But if I liked her If I felt attracted to her, it means that she also fits in the category that I created about women. [00:09:13] Rodrigo: Women are controlling, and if they're not controlling, they're suffering. They need to control because if not, they're being betrayed. That will be the unconscious choice that I make every time I feel attracted to someone. That attraction means that I feel that this person is real. If I feel like this person is real, it's because she lines up beautifully with my beliefs about women. [00:09:35] Rodrigo: So if I grew up with a lying mother, without even realizing it, if I don't process my emotions and deal with the pain of growing up with a lying mother, I will end up with lying, mysterious women because that's the only thing that I will find attractive. And people hate it when I explain it like this, but let's do this head-on. [00:09:54] Rodrigo: People need to understand that physical and sexual attraction have nothing to do with the physical body. They have to do with trauma. They have to do with beliefs. This is the reason why you get a new job, you go into a new company, you, you go into a new class, and you go into the classroom, and you pay attention to all the people around you, and we all do the same thing. [00:10:15] Rodrigo: You go like, "Okay, there's no one attractive here. There's no one, there's no one to fear here, so I can pay attention to the class." Wait for a month to go by. And that person that you already thought was not attractive, when you start seeing the way they act, when you start seeing the way they behave, when you start looking at their aggression or how controlling they are, and suddenly you cannot stop thinking about them, and suddenly you really like them. [00:10:41] Rodrigo: You don't like them. They line up beautifully with the beliefs that you had to create in order to cover up your pain as a child. That's why it makes no sense. Why would someone with a d- with a drug addict dad that used to punch them all the time, why would they ever marry an alcoholic that punches them too? [00:10:58] Rodrigo: No one's that stupid. But if you normalize dad's behavior and you decided that this is how men act, and you created a personality in order to survive that, then you already made your up- made up your mind about what a man is. And as soon as you see a guy that's that aggressive, you're gonna like him somehow. [00:11:15] Elena: So you were talking ear- before about when the kid is experiences fear- [00:11:21] Rodrigo: Mm-hmm ... [00:11:21] Elena: to have, first of all, uh, let that kid get into your energy and then explain what's happening and this is gonna happen again. So if we had the ability to do that for ourselves or i- and you said that's when we create, um- [00:11:37] Rodrigo: Beliefs [00:11:37] Elena: uh, trauma. Yeah. Or beliefs. And because there's nobody to explain to us, instead of seeing that or somebody explaining that because mom is not gonna come and say, "Yeah, I'm controlling," or anything, that's what happens in our mind, and this is exactly what happens when a father or a mother see a kid being scared and not taking those steps. [00:11:58] Rodrigo: Correct. I'll give you the two paths. [00:12:00] Elena: Okay. [00:12:01] Rodrigo: If I have a child with whom I've spent the time to make sure that he understands what fear is and he knows that it has nothing to do with the world around him, sometimes he'll experience it, it's personal, and this is how we handle it. And suddenly my wife or my husband starts screaming from the top of their lungs in a horrible way, and my kid gets scared. [00:12:23] Elena: Mm-hmm. [00:12:24] Rodrigo: My kid is gonna run to a corner and handle their fear. They're gonna say, "Mom is in a bad mood. Mom's not having it right now. I felt fear, so I know how to handle my fear, and I know that this is not about me. Mom is not yelling me and saying that she doesn't love me. She's just angry right now, and I understand." [00:12:43] Elena: Mm. [00:12:43] Rodrigo: "But this doesn't mean anything about me. I'm just afraid, and I know how to handle it. And then afterwards I'll probably have a conversation with an adult because I've been able to handle my emotion, and probably my other parent or my therapist or a counselor at school, whatever, is gonna tell me What happened yesterday? [00:13:01] Rodrigo: And I'm gonna be able to distinguish between my emotion and who my mom was being. [00:13:06] Elena: Mm-hmm. [00:13:06] Rodrigo: Mom was angry, and I got scared, and I handled my fear. I didn't handle my mom's anger. I didn't become anyone for her. I understood what I felt, and I know how to process it. If I don't have that information, if no one raised me like this, then my mom is yelling. [00:13:24] Rodrigo: My dad is yelling. I feel fear. I have no clue what's happening. I'm in pain. This feels personal. I need to understand what's happening. I need to adapt. Why is she yelling? And that's the crucial question. People that know how to handle their emotions- Yeah ... never look for a why, because the why is what you need in order not to face the emotion. [00:13:49] Rodrigo: If I face the emotion, I don't need a why But if I cannot face the emotion, I need a why [00:13:55] Elena: You know, I, I heard... in my clients, right? And I heard horrible things and therapists and counselors have said to them horrible things that I can't even, like, imagine, you know, bringing that. Yeah. But for a parent who's listening to this, it is extremely important. [00:14:11] Elena: You know, parents right now are too careful. They're not doing certain things or doing certain things with the purpose of not traumatizing their kids. [00:14:20] Rodrigo: Mm-hmm. [00:14:20] Elena: You know, like, usually when a ki- kid comes home crying, "My teacher did this," your teacher doesn't like you. [00:14:26] Rodrigo: Or, "Why did you allow it?" And, "Why are you being weak?" [00:14:29] Rodrigo: And, "Next time you get to defend yourself," and, "Never allow people to do this to you because then they'll do it for the rest of your life." They're not showing you how to process the emotion. You never ask why. I don't care why. "The teacher yelled at me." "And what did you feel?" "I feel sad." "Come here. I'll show you how to handle sadness. [00:14:48] Rodrigo: It's normal. You'll experience it again." But if I don't give them that journey, then my kid is gonna go like, "Why is my mom yelling? Why are kids not liking me in school? Why is no one playing with me? Why are people lying to me?" And then whatever they come up with as an answer will become their trauma for the rest of their life. [00:15:08] Rodrigo: "My mom is yelling because she doesn't love me. Who do I need to become, given that I'm clearly unlovable?" And my journey in traumatic behaviors begins. [00:15:18] Elena: Rodrigo, it seems to me like the entire world is infested with not being able to process emotions or not processing emotions. [00:15:26] Rodrigo: Today, yes. [00:15:27] Elena: I didn't cry for a long time until I found you. [00:15:34] Rodrigo: And then you cried what you hadn't cried in 20 years. [00:15:37] Elena: I was talking to, you know, your, your guy, uh, Jorge, the other day. Mm-hmm. And I said, "I'm sorry if I cry. I'm, I'm becoming a woman." Remember? I'm becoming a woman. [00:15:49] Rodrigo: I'm coming back to my water. [00:15:52] Elena: Yeah. You know, I just see a, a little butterfly or a hummingbird, you know, and I'm just... [00:15:58] Elena: That's, that's enough. It's like, I, I'm telling people, "I didn't cry for a long time." [00:16:02] Rodrigo: We all experience that for a few months. After we open up the faucet of emotions- [00:16:07] Elena: Yeah ... [00:16:07] Rodrigo: it... not only do you cry, you start expressing way more, way more joy, and you start expressing way more surprise. Yeah. And you start expressing way more acknowledgement. You're just more you. [00:16:18] Elena: And you know, the other thing that I realize, also more present. [00:16:22] Rodrigo: Because you're not defending yourself. You're getting out of your own way. [00:16:24] Elena: Yeah. As a good sanguine, I re- I realize- This person, I'm not gonna say because I l- adore this person. For the first time, I actually was paying attention to what this person was saying. [00:16:35] Rodrigo: Yeah. [00:16:36] Elena: And I usually don't do that. [00:16:39] Rodrigo: I was usually too busy trying to show them that I knew stuff about what they're saying so that I can control the experience that they're having of me. [00:16:47] Elena: Yeah. [00:16:48] Rodrigo: Very broken sanguine of you. We all do it. [00:16:51] Elena: Yeah. I was just thinking my story is more interesting. I'm waiting and waiting and waiting. [00:16:55] Elena: And I have to wait in this body for so long for so many people because, you know, the- there's just no patience. And that's the other thing, patience. [00:17:06] Rodrigo: When you're a high energy biology, you need, like, you get to learn how to be patient. And when you start being patient as a high energy biology, I'm meaning cholerics and sanguines- [00:17:17] Elena: Mm-hmm [00:17:17] Rodrigo: you start realizing that you've been looking for answers that people you love and that are close to you have been giving you for years, but you were not- Yeah ... paying attention. [00:17:28] Elena: You know, Rodrigo, uh, because I wasn't paying attention and I was denying those individuals and, you know, the universe knows how much I could have used some patience. [00:17:38] Elena: My doggy got so sick- Mm ... and she, she passed. [00:17:42] Rodrigo: I'm sorry. [00:17:43] Elena: And th- thank you. As, again, I'm becoming a girl, you know. [00:17:49] Rodrigo: Welcome to being alive. [00:17:51] Elena: Well, yes, thank you. And, uh, not only I don't have kids, right? Not only having those moments with him, so much patience and so much lo- and I'm so grateful for that. I don't know if I should be talking about this. [00:18:03] Elena: Sorry, I forgot we're not at therapy. [00:18:06] Rodrigo: Can I ask you something? [00:18:08] Elena: Yes. [00:18:09] Rodrigo: You asked me if I could give you a couple of examples of people growing through the methodology and working with me. [00:18:14] Elena: Yes. [00:18:14] Rodrigo: What has been your experience ever since you found me? [00:18:18] Elena: For me, it's like if I was in a train really fast, like nonstop, not looking at anybody. [00:18:26] Elena: It just was me. And suddenly, the train stop, the anxiety stop. Thank you for asking me. I had a moment the other day that I'm, I'm a woman of action. I take... I, you know, I'm, we look for bringing solutions to clients. Mm. [00:18:44] Rodrigo: Mm-hmm. [00:18:44] Elena: So I'm in charge. Many times I'm in charge from, you know. Even a bunch of cholerics just ask me, "You're in charge. It's your game." Okay. Hmm. And just last weekend, I had this so feminine moment that I didn't know what to do. And there was a very choleric guy who said something that was so masculine, and I'm able to appreciate that. [00:19:05] Rodrigo: Yeah. [00:19:06] Elena: And I travel, and both times that I was gonna put my luggage, I didn't know how to do it. [00:19:12] Elena: One guy wasn't even facing me, and he asked me he can help me. [00:19:19] Rodrigo: Gentlemen exist [00:19:21] Elena: They do [00:19:22] Rodrigo: Yes [00:19:23] Elena: And it's like I'm not doing anything. I remember thinking when I had a conversation with my mom, "I need you to help me come back to my sweetness," because I was a sweet little girl at one point. [00:19:32] Rodrigo: Mm-hmm. [00:19:33] Elena: And the most amazing thing, Rodrigo, is the relationship with my mother. I love my mother, and she loves me. But I believe her now And a bunch of phlegmatics are showing up. [00:19:50] Rodrigo: Of course they are. You have a place packed with love. [00:19:53] Elena: Yeah. [00:19:54] Rodrigo: It's honey for them. I love seeing you like this. [00:19:57] Elena: Thank you. [00:19:57] Rodrigo: Because I remember the first time we met. And people are gonna think that this, this was years ago. This was, like, six months ago. [00:20:03] Elena: Yeah, even it probably le- probably a little less than that even, right? [00:20:06] Rodrigo: Yeah. [00:20:07] Elena: So it doesn't take that much. I had one time when I was, uh, taking my first me- uh, methodology class. I had a catharsis. I start crying. I had so much anxiety. I thought I don't fit in. What's going on? And this is when it's time to ask for help And helps appears. [00:20:29] Elena: I'm not gonna lie to you, some people have disappeared from my life. [00:20:32] Rodrigo: Yeah. [00:20:33] Elena: But I don't really miss them. And I'm... T- the one most important thing I think for me is, not the most important thing, one thing that I, that is so huge, I used to run the show not thinking about me. [00:20:46] Rodrigo: Mm-hmm. [00:20:47] Elena: But thanks to a few melancholics, melancholics, what is in there for you, Elena? [00:20:55] Elena: And now I'm more aware of that. What is in here for me- Mm ... when I'm gonna do something? And this is not my show. [00:21:05] Rodrigo: I love that. [00:21:06] Elena: This is what you created. [00:21:08] Rodrigo: I just wanted a little bit of your story to, to also be a part of this. [00:21:10] Elena: Yes. I am a testimonial, and I have done tons of human behavior and tons of that work, but there was something that I couldn't understand about myself. [00:21:23] Rodrigo: And we got it out on session number two. [00:21:26] Elena: Two. That's when you start crying. Now, for tho- all of you who are really interested to book a session with him, be in line because he is six, um, six months. Uh, I don't think that he's booking anything right now until 2027, and we are early August right now. So it's difficult. [00:21:49] Elena: But he has a lot of individuals who he's training and who is going to be doing, not as amazing than he, as him, but definitely pretty interesting. And I don't know what is the, the number of individuals, but- [00:22:02] Rodrigo: We have more than 100 certified coaches all over the world right now ... [00:22:05] Elena: that's a small number. And I have so many more things that, you know, ideas that I- [00:22:09] Rodrigo: We need 1,000. [00:22:11] Elena: We need more. We need one in every neighborhood. [00:22:16] Rodrigo: We get 1,500 messages a day asking us if we have certified therapists in their area. [00:22:23] Elena: I'm gonna share something with you, not about me, but about a client that I helped because four days after I took your first class, I was already using your methodology. I just want you to know. [00:22:34] Rodrigo: Well done. [00:22:35] Elena: And, um, I help an individual, a... Well, you will just describe this individual as a badass, you know? Very choleric, very everything. And I thought, "Why not? Let's just do it." He was very scared, extremely scared. And I thought maybe I'm doing something wrong. Three days later, he called me, and again, he says, "I need your help." [00:23:00] Elena: So I did it. I hold the space, and he- I never seen a man crying this much. He cried through all, everything [00:23:09] Rodrigo: When you show a choleric how to express their emotions, usually 30 years of emotions come out. [00:23:14] Elena: Oh, my gosh. And I ask him, because one of the things was about not having the support, right? [00:23:22] Rodrigo: Mm-hmm. [00:23:22] Elena: And one of the things I ask him, and I don't know if this is, this is part... [00:23:26] Elena: I'm still really new to the- your method, but I ask him to write a list about everybody who's supporting him, and I don't know how many. So he start writing, writing, writing. He, today, this morning, August 12, when the everything aligns, he told me, "You're not gonna believe what happened." First of all, every single day, he sends me a text saying, "I'm so grateful for people. Thank you." And I can see the shift for him even in his own life, like- [00:23:54] Rodrigo: Mm-hmm ... [00:23:55] Elena: so quick. But he said, "I wrote a name of a professor," that was important for him, and mentor. He says, "He was my mentor, not just my professor, and I haven't seen him for many years. And I went to the doctor. When I got out of the office, he was right there." [00:24:12] Rodrigo: Mm-hmm. [00:24:13] Elena: And I just wrote the name yesterday." [00:24:15] Rodrigo: That's how it works. That's what they don't want you to know about how this reality works. [00:24:21] Elena: You know- No matter how scared we feel about doing this, about bringing this tower that we built in a way that we build with definitely with sand. Legos, maybe. No sand. [00:24:42] Elena: It's scary because we don't know the story. You know, it's like those movies that mul- multiple things can happen, and we only know- [00:24:50] Rodrigo: Mm-hmm ... [00:24:50] Elena: things that we know. But what if we had a different story, and what if we take from that moment? What if we are able for the first time to feel absolutely loved and feeling the love also from our own heart? Not from the mind. The mind is crazy. From our own heart. And how we heal relationships around us, too, like you with your friends. [00:25:15] Rodrigo: Yeah. [00:25:16] Elena: We destroy sometimes other individuals. I was terrified to ask how do you feels to be with me, and that's why I knew I had to do something. [00:25:27] Rodrigo: Yes, and it really matters. It's one of the most important questions everybody gets to ask. [00:25:32] Elena: Rodrigo, if there's one thing that you haven't forgive yourself for from the past? [00:25:37] Rodrigo: I really don't think I'm holding onto anything about that. Of course, there is, like, things I wish I had done better. Of course, there's many times where I walk out of an interview and I say, "Why did I say that?" But I think I'm pretty at peace with myself. [00:25:53] Rodrigo: I, I don't regret because I don't demand perfection from me. I'm okay if my heart is in the right place, if I'm pushing in the right direction, if the people that I care about are fine. That's all that matters. [00:26:07] Elena: I'm laughing because during therapy you said something like, "I'm gonna push you," blah, blah, or, "You're gonna say something," right? You were a little mean, I guess. Or you- [00:26:15] Rodrigo: Confrontational ... [00:26:17] Elena: actually, that was not. That was say, "You know that's like you need help there." And I remember crying with everything that comes from my face, and I remember saying, "Just help me, cabron. Help me, cabron." Like, you know- [00:26:32] Rodrigo: Do you remember what I answered? [00:26:33] Elena: I don't. Tell me. [00:26:34] Rodrigo: Because I remember that moment. Um, all of my sessions are recorded. But I remember you said, "Help me, cabron," and I looked at you and I said, "What do you think I'm doing?" [00:26:44] Elena: Yeah, that's right. [00:26:47] Rodrigo: What do you think I'm doing? [00:26:49] Elena: Yeah. You said, "You can use me for a lot of things, but not..." When I said the scream went off and I said, "Are you, are you abandon me? You can use me for a lot of things, but not for that." [00:27:00] Rodrigo: Do not use me for that. [00:27:02] Elena: Excuse it. [00:27:02] Rodrigo: Do not use me for that. [00:27:04] Elena: So when we have an ex, remember There's people really trying to help us. R- Rodrigo, two things. The first one, if you know that some parents are listening right now and they're concerned about the trauma or not they create, create about their kids, what advice y- would you give them? [00:27:21] Rodrigo: I always tell them that the step one in every parenting workshop is first understand that every one of your children is completely different. [00:27:31] Elena: Mm-hmm. [00:27:31] Rodrigo: And the parent that they need from you is specific. You don't get to be one type of parent for everyone. Your children don't get to adapt to who you are. [00:27:38] Rodrigo: You get to adapt to what your children need. Because my choleric boy and my sanguine boy need completely different versions of me. [00:27:47] Elena: Mm-hmm. [00:27:47] Rodrigo: And if we adapt for our friends, why wouldn't we adapt for our children? If you're willing to speak a certain way because you're with a friend, if you're willing to dress a certain way to look good for a boss, why wouldn't you give that privilege to your child? [00:28:01] Elena: Yeah. [00:28:02] Rodrigo: First thing. Second, stop questioning yourself about how things should be done and actually start doing the detective work in understanding who your children are. Stop looking for the perfect information out there. Stop looking for the perfect parenting workshop. There's thousands of them. Many of them have amazing things in them. [00:28:20] Rodrigo: Many of them don't. But the most important information that you need to get is who is your child. You have no idea the amount of parents that I have in sessions and I tell them, "What does this child value?" And they have no clue. [00:28:34] Elena: Mm-hmm. " [00:28:35] Rodrigo: What's this child's biggest fear?" And they have no clue. [00:28:39] Elena: Mm-hmm. [00:28:40] Rodrigo: What's the thing that makes this child feel joy? [00:28:43] Rodrigo: And they have no clue. And they go like, "Watching TV?" No, that distracts him. What does he love? What makes him feel seen? What makes him feel loved? I don't hug my children the same way. They create a different type of connection. They ask for different things. I know that my sanguine needs hugs, heart to heart, pressing him against me. [00:29:06] Rodrigo: I know that many times for my choleric, I'm nothing for a base. I'm home base. He doesn't need a hug. He needs a place to sit. And if he's on my lap, he's like, "No one can touch me here." And he just makes choices from there, and then goes try something else. If you're willing to adapt for your workplace, why wouldn't you adapt for your daughter and for your son who are here on completely different missions than why you were born? [00:29:35] Rodrigo: Get to know your children [00:29:37] Elena: Thank you, Rodrigo. Now the one is very specific for men. I created this space because I see personally how much pain is in those men bodies. And- [00:29:50] Rodrigo: Brené Brown talks a lot about it [00:29:55] Elena: So what would you say to men who are listening and who are in pain in a relationship? I have actually met men that say to me, "I'm broken. I was born like that." [00:30:08] Rodrigo: Yeah. [00:30:09] Elena: And there's a lot of pain. Born like that means you carrying a lot of pain for many, many, many years. [00:30:14] Rodrigo: Yeah. [00:30:15] Elena: What would you say to them? [00:30:17] Rodrigo: Stop being afraid of yourself You need to understand that you live in a world that has told you that you're the most dangerous being that you'll ever meet. [00:30:26] Rodrigo: You're afraid of men. You're afraid of you. You're afraid of who you could become. You're afraid of your desire. You're afraid of your strength. You're afraid to oppress people and make them feel bad. And if you never find your strength, your strength is gonna come out, and it's not gonna come out in the right way. [00:30:43] Rodrigo: It's not gonna come out in order to build the stuff that you were born to create. Your emotions will be fine. You will find your emotional intelligence. But you need to understand that it's about the spectrum. You need to find yourself. You need to be competitive while at the same time finding your heart and your love. [00:31:01] Rodrigo: But finding your strength is way more connected to finding your love than you ever thought. You need to be the whole spectrum of who you are. Compete again. Become amazing at something. Create status. Make sure that there's certain things in the world that never happen if you don't show up, if you're not there, because certain things only happen if you are there. [00:31:24] Rodrigo: And then give your love to the people that are willing to protect you and your family. Not everybody deserves the best version of you. Not everybody deserves all of your help and all of your support. Once you know your worth because you know what you can do and you understand your strength and your leadership, now start being selective with who receives the best of you. [00:31:46] Rodrigo: A year after doing that, look at what you've created for your family. Look at what you've created for yourself. Look at how it feels to be you and come back to this video, and you'll see the whole journey that you've gone on. Stop being afraid of you. You're not that dangerous. But never conquering yourself will make you dangerous. [00:32:07] Elena: Thank you, Rodrigo. That was amazing. I just, just got up with that video. I'm gonna ask you some rapid-fire questions. [00:32:16] Rodrigo: Let's go. [00:32:17] Elena: I'm gonna say one and two, two things, and you answer. We're gonna do as quick as possible. Let's break a- [00:32:22] Rodrigo: Okay ... [00:32:22] Elena: transformation. [00:32:23] Rodrigo: Necessary. [00:32:24] Elena: Non-negotiable. [00:32:26] Rodrigo: Non-existent. [00:32:27] Elena: God. [00:32:29] Rodrigo: Truth. [00:32:30] Elena: Men. [00:32:31] Rodrigo: Strength [00:32:32] Elena: Time [00:32:33] Rodrigo: Relative [00:32:34] Elena: Fear [00:32:35] Rodrigo: Necessary [00:32:36] Elena: Eye belief [00:32:38] Rodrigo: Unnecessary [00:32:39] Elena: Fulfillment [00:32:41] Rodrigo: End goal [00:32:42] Elena: Pornography [00:32:43] Rodrigo: Distraction [00:32:44] Elena: Society [00:32:46] Rodrigo: Lost [00:32:47] Elena: My body [00:32:48] Rodrigo: Your gift and responsibility [00:32:50] Elena: Spirituality [00:32:52] Rodrigo: The other half of you that you haven't found [00:32:55] Elena: Sex [00:32:56] Rodrigo: Sacred [00:32:57] Elena: Gratitude [00:32:58] Rodrigo: One of the highest form of self [00:33:00] Elena: Authority [00:33:01] Rodrigo: Masculinity [00:33:02] Elena: My love language is [00:33:04] Rodrigo: Words of affirmation [00:33:06] Elena: Legacy [00:33:07] Rodrigo: Purpose [00:33:08] Elena: Emotions [00:33:09] Rodrigo: The most important layer of you [00:33:12] Elena: Exercise [00:33:13] Rodrigo: Mandatory [00:33:14] Elena: Childhood [00:33:15] Rodrigo: Fertile ground [00:33:17] Elena: Nobody knows [00:33:18] Rodrigo: How much they're worth [00:33:20] Elena: Health [00:33:21] Rodrigo: Thermometer. [00:33:22] Rodrigo: Health is the thermometer of who you are and how you treat yourself [00:33:26] Elena: Excellent. Women [00:33:27] Rodrigo: Magic [00:33:29] Elena: Suffering [00:33:30] Rodrigo: Optional [00:33:31] Elena: Stress [00:33:32] Rodrigo: Not knowing how to turn off. Stress is nothing but not being able to turn yourself off [00:33:38] Elena: Fatherhood [00:33:39] Rodrigo: One of the most important jobs [00:33:41] Elena: AI [00:33:42] Rodrigo: Danger [00:33:43] Elena: Connection [00:33:44] Rodrigo: Non-negotiable [00:33:45] Elena: Family [00:33:47] Rodrigo: Home [00:33:47] Elena: Parents [00:33:49] Rodrigo: Origin [00:33:49] Elena: Food [00:33:50] Rodrigo: Way less relevant than you think [00:33:53] Elena: I wish [00:33:53] Rodrigo: Everybody were free [00:33:55] Elena: Identity [00:33:56] Rodrigo: Dynamic [00:33:57] Elena: Husband [00:33:58] Rodrigo: Structure [00:34:00] Elena: Wife [00:34:01] Rodrigo: Magic [00:34:02] Elena: Music [00:34:03] Rodrigo: It's not a word, but I need to say it. [00:34:05] Rodrigo: One of the few magical languages that we're still allowed to use [00:34:09] Elena: Money [00:34:10] Rodrigo: Money is nothing but human attention. It's a manifestation of human attention [00:34:14] Elena: Wisdom [00:34:15] Rodrigo: Applicable information [00:34:17] Elena: Conversation [00:34:19] Rodrigo: Interaction [00:34:20] Elena: Manhood [00:34:21] Rodrigo: Emptiness [00:34:23] Elena: My birth right is [00:34:26] Rodrigo: Life and creation [00:34:28] Elena: Intimacy [00:34:30] Rodrigo: Life [00:34:31] Elena: Social media [00:34:32] Rodrigo: Big distraction [00:34:33] Elena: Polygamy [00:34:34] Rodrigo: Unnecessary [00:34:35] Elena: Monogamy [00:34:37] Rodrigo: Necessary [00:34:38] Elena: Death [00:34:39] Rodrigo: Mandatory [00:34:40] Elena: Life [00:34:41] Rodrigo: Gift [00:34:42] Elena: And last but not least, love [00:34:45] Rodrigo: The only real path to authenticity [00:34:48] Elena: If you had a group of women that you can ask any question, what question will you ask? [00:34:54] Elena: And I know you know the answers, but But one that you don't know [00:34:59] Rodrigo: I would ask them this, honestly. I would ask them, "Do you really want to keep fighting for this? Is this really what you want?" [00:35:08] Elena: Is this really what you want? Thank you for being here. Thank you for being so generous with your time, your answers. [00:35:16] Elena: Thank you for being so present. Thank you for giving us this experience of you I can say with confidence the universe is a better place because you exist, Rodrigo. I know that this method, these words need to knock on every single door around the world. Thank you for all your energy. Keep learning, keep creating, keep being you. [00:35:46] Elena: Thank you. We love you. Many, many, many, many of us need you. If you have more questions, you can follow him on RGP Development. You get to close this episode with some words of wisdom, so give us your wisdom. [00:36:03] Rodrigo: There's a phrase I always use, but I wanna give you more than just that. I'll begin with this. One of my favorite phrases comes from systemic psychology, and Hellinger used to say, "Human beings can only love things that are imperfect, because human beings can only love things that are real, and real has never been perfect, and perfect has never been real." [00:36:26] Rodrigo: A couple of days ago, uh, I was watching a post and then reading a little bit of a study that was made years ago trying to understand what's the way of being that human beings have that emits the most powerful energy. They were literally measuring electromagnetic waves coming out of human bodies. [00:36:44] Elena: Mm-hmm. [00:36:44] Rodrigo: And we're always told that the highest level, that the best energy that you can emit in order to connect with others has to do with love and gratitude. In the study, they were dramatically confused when they realized that when they asked people to feel negative things, shame, pain, regret, the explosions of energy were way stronger than anything that was emitted when they were feeling gratitude, when they were feeling love, until one of the researchers realized something massively important It's not the gratitude. [00:37:17] Rodrigo: It's not the fear. It's the authenticity. People emit the most powerful energy that they can emit when they're being authentic with who they are and what they experience. We usually only allow us to be that when it's painful, when it's negative, when it's traumatic, and we feel that the world is falling apart around us. [00:37:39] Elena: Mm-hmm. [00:37:39] Rodrigo: Conquer yourself. Conquer how beautifully imperfect you are, 'cause that's your most powerful self. Doesn't matter if you're expressing the right thing or not. Forget about the Instagram post where you read about it. Find you. Polish you. That's the most powerful version of you. [00:38:00] Elena: Thank you, Rodrigo. That was beautiful. I have nothing else to say. You said it all. And, uh, if you're still there, again, RGP Development, you can find him in Instagram. You can find also more coaches or, you know, r- find a c- consult with him. Thank you for listening. Don't waste all this wisdom. Do something with it. Conquer yourself, like Rodrigo said. [00:38:28] Elena: Thank you for listening, and let's tune in soon. Thank you. [00:38:32] Rodrigo: Bye, guys. [00:38:34] Voiceover: And that's a wrap on today's conversation. These are the kinds of exchanges that don't happen by accident. They happen because Elena Sofia Ruiz creates the space for them. If something landed for you today, don't keep it to yourself. [00:38:47] Voiceover: Share this episode with someone who's ready for a real conversation. You'll find everything you need in the show notes. We'll see you next time on Intimate Conversations With Men.