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The Reset: How to Come Back Quickly When You've Lost It · The Stoic Handbook with Jon Brooks

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: You've already lost it.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: You've snapped at someone, or you've been arguing with an email in your head for twenty minutes.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Then most of us we add a second problem.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: We take the lapse that we've had as proof that our day is now officially ruined, and then we stay out of tune with ourselves until bedtime.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is one passage.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: In another talk, I discussed the flinch, naming the first jolt in your body.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Today is what you do once it's already carried you off.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Here's Marcus Aurelius, Book Six, Section eleven.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: George Long's translation.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: When thou hast been compelled by circumstances to be disturbed in a manner, quickly return to thyself, and do not continue out of tune longer than the compulsion lasts, for thou wilt have more mastery over the harmony by continually recurring to it.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Look at what he expects to be disturbed.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is a man with years of practice and an empire to run, and he still assumes that he will be knocked out of tune.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: His instruction is simply to come back quickly.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: And the last line is the training point.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Mastery comes from continually recurring, returning, over and over again.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Think of a musician.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: They don't stay in tune by never drifting.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: They notice the drift and then retune again and again, and each retune makes the next one quicker.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: So every time you come back, that is the rep.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: The lapse is where the practice happens.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is the gap again, the step between what happens and what you do next, except now you're reopening it after it has closed.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: The practice is called the reset.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: I use four letters as the handle.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: S PQR.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's my own shorthand, not an ancient formula, but each step comes straight from the Stoics.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: S stands for stop.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Just stop whatever you're doing right here, right now, for just a moment.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: P stands for pause.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Take one slow breath.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Feel your feet on the floor, be mindful.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Q stands for question.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: What am I telling myself about this right now?
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And R stands for reframe.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: What is actually here?
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: What is up to me?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: What is within my control?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: And does this really matter?
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: The trigger is the moment that you notice that you're out of tune.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: You've snapped or you're spiraling, or you've been ranting in your head.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: The instruction is this: run the reset once.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: It takes less than a minute.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: And today's rep is one reset.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Put a mark next to yesterday's tick.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Tonight one question.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Did I come back to this once?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes or no?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Marcus didn't plan on staying in tune at all times.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: His plan was to come back when he was out of tune, and that's the whole skill.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it grows stronger and stronger with every rep that you do.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: SPQR.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Stop, pause, question, reframe.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Try and get one rep today.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Go well.