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The Vampire With No Name 2025 Holiday Special · Dubious Creatures Presents

0:06
Snow falls outside. I could change.
0:41
The date is December 23rd and the camera looks out onto Santa
0:47
Rio, California. It's different than we've
0:51
usually seen it. For one, it's daytime, and two,
0:54
it is that snow. We'll look into that later.
0:59
The camera flies over the town and we can see the hustle and
1:04
bustles of the holiday season, along with something a little
1:08
bit more. See the film crew setting up,
1:14
taking some establishing shots. It's Christmas and there's a
1:19
movie being shot in Santa Rayo and we focus on a nondescript
1:26
mom and pop diner. We see the crew moving in and
1:32
out, setting up lights. We see people getting makeup
1:37
ready. The first of our competitors
1:43
that we see is you, Sebastian. You have somehow managed to land
1:50
a spot in the scene. It's the big diner scene where
1:55
the character, you haven't met her yet, but she's returns and
2:01
says hi to all of the people she hasn't seen in years.
2:04
You've been told to sit in the booth and hit your marks when
2:07
needed. So how does today find you?
2:12
I mean, this isn't the usual role play thing, but you know,
2:15
I'm into it. Sebastian is kind of just going
2:20
with it. Again, not the usual sort of
2:22
thing. Usually when he's here, it's for
2:25
other reasons. He's never actually been on a
2:29
motion picture or anything. So he's doing that thing where
2:32
he's not really sure what to do with his arms.
2:34
Like does he, does he lean on the countertop?
2:37
Does he put him by his sides? Does he hold him in front of it?
2:40
He but it's it, it's just an, it's just an awkward bit of
2:45
stimming. And you're sitting there sort of
2:48
wondering what to do when the door opens and you finally see
2:54
the person that we've all been waiting for.
2:57
You see one Raleigh Asher enter the diner.
3:01
Currently she is dressed in that Hallmark chic of It's nice,
3:07
maybe a little too nice for this supposed story of woman down on
3:15
her luck, inherits old bed and breakfast from dead.
3:18
Grandmother comes back to town to fix it up and rediscover her
3:22
love of Christmas. You know, someone threw some
3:26
stuff at a dart board and was like, that's our story, we're
3:29
going with it. I mean, it's better than the
3:32
usual San Arroyo Christmas story of woman inherits crack den, so
3:36
you know. You know, and they keep talking
3:39
about all the money this is going to bring into the city, so
3:41
I don't know how much that matters to you.
3:44
I'm I'm trying to support my daughter's small business.
3:47
So Hooray. Economics, of course.
3:53
And she enters and is chatting with the director.
3:59
Seems like you can already tell that there is a feeling that she
4:04
would rather be anywhere but here.
4:06
But there is a definite let's get this done, we're almost
4:09
done, let's get to it. And then things start.
4:16
You are told what marks to hit and the moments to turn around
4:20
and just be there in the background.
4:24
And then you've probably never realized how many fucking takes
4:29
and angles that things shoot at, and how long it takes to do even
4:34
a minute of of a movie. At least until now.
4:39
And so for the next hour or so, you hit your mark, you turn
4:44
around, you smile, and it's maybe what will be 3 minutes of
4:51
film as Raleigh's character Sarah, comes in and says hi to
4:58
the person running this diner like they were old friends and
5:03
asks about the person asks about like the bed and breakfast,
5:06
What's going on with it? It's it's exhausting in a way.
5:10
And eventually the director yields cut.
5:16
And for a moment, like, Raleigh just deflates, kind of happens
5:23
to just sort of sit across from you in your booth, kind of just
5:29
rubs their forehead. Serious question before we get
5:32
to this, how many? Given that Sebastian is a
5:35
consummate townie and I imagine there's a lot of other extras
5:38
pulled into this mess, how many other people here does he know
5:42
and how? How hard would it be for him to
5:44
score weed off of 1 of them? Probably not very hard knowing
5:49
San Arroyo. You know quite a few townies.
5:53
You see Astor over there? Yeah, I'm.
5:55
Just. Oh Yep, immediately, just like
5:59
hey real quick you got something for what ails me because like if
6:05
I have to smile looking in a certain direction, going potato
6:08
rutabaga after like 5 more seconds but it'll lose my
6:10
fucking mind. I will lean around Sebastian and
6:15
kind of look at what's happening and then look back.
6:19
Yeah, this is here. She like pulls out a tiny little
6:24
wrapped up joint. It's not well like and when she
6:28
pulls it out you he will be able to see that there are others
6:32
that look impeccably rolled but gives him the like trash one.
6:40
Yeah, he takes it. It's just like the holiday
6:43
spirit endures. Fun.
6:47
Budding so as you do a drug deal in front of a movie star.
6:52
I was going to say I was just assuming that like Sebastian's
6:55
kind of big so he blocks most of the interaction, but it
6:59
definitely looks SUS. Oh he's not even trying to hide
7:02
how SUS it is. He's just like I'm I'm tired.
7:06
I don't know why I'm here. I got a grinder ping initially
7:10
and I thought this was something else.
7:12
And I've heard the same person repeat the same bit of dialogue
7:16
15 times and you know what? I'm going to spread the holiday
7:19
joy around one way or another. Just gives you a thumbs up and
7:25
goes back to whatever she was doing, which is probably putting
7:27
like whipped cream in hot cocoa. Yeah.
7:31
And like Sebastian, it takes a toke, sees Raleigh, sees Raleigh
7:38
looking exhausted and then just gets this look and then like
7:43
sidles over. Hey.
7:46
And looks up from staring at her designer boots and looks up at
7:52
you and goes, hey I. Know you're from somewhere,
7:56
you're like, famous or something, right?
8:00
Some days it feels like it more than others, but yeah, yeah, I
8:03
guess. Yeah, sits down.
8:07
Raleigh, nice to meet you. Bastion first time in San
8:12
Arroyo. Is it that obvious?
8:16
Well, you don't look like a trucker or my usual weed guy, so
8:24
yeah, kind of obvious. Yeah, just was told come out
8:32
here, make a film. Supposed to be 6 weeks.
8:37
It's turned into 8. Well, I'm afraid you shout out
8:42
of luck. You spend more than a month
8:43
here. You're legally resident now.
8:50
God, I don't want to pay taxes in multiple cities.
8:54
It's not what they take off your paycheck here, it's what they
8:58
take off your lifespan. Tell me about it.
9:02
How much time you got? Looks down at her phone and says
9:08
got an hour before to have to go over to that witchy place
9:13
because they want to film a scene there.
9:16
Witchy Place. Something sage.
9:21
Wait, Scarlet Sage. Yeah, I think so.
9:26
Oh, no shit. Yeah, no, my, my daughter runs
9:29
the place. Oh.
9:32
Yeah, I saw some photos from location scouting and it looks
9:39
really cool, but use as much of the natural beauty of Santa
9:42
Arroyo as possible, according to the director.
9:46
The director said that with a straight face.
9:48
At least I got to the word Santa Royo.
9:52
You can hear Astor's scoff in the background.
9:55
Just beautiful. K Well.
9:59
That's Red Wave promised me that if I do this so green light the
10:04
next the actual project I want to work on sound.
10:09
Suck it up, do the Christmas film thing.
10:13
Celebs don't need to take like piss tests in between takes,
10:17
right? No, I I don't really think they
10:22
care too much about the extras. He passes over the joint and
10:26
it's like here, try some Yorkshire County mistletoe on
10:30
for size. There's like a moment where our
10:33
eyes dart around and I am going to have you make the first roll.
10:40
Can I get you to make me a cheer roll?
10:43
10 I believe yes 10. That is a success.
10:47
None of the numbers were doubled.
10:50
There is that moment where you kind of just sort of hold it out
10:53
and like she like looks just to make sure that like nobody's got
10:58
a camera out or anything and we'll sort of just sort of grab
11:03
it, take a surprisingly long puff off of it and hand it back.
11:11
Oh shit. Oh, Miss Beverly Hills can
11:14
handle her shit. Kind of flits out a small cough
11:19
and then just says not the first joint I smoked but don't tell
11:24
anyone. You know, I bet you are a
11:29
fascinating individual when you don't have to be posing for the
11:32
cameras 24/7. I would like to think so, but
11:37
sometimes I think I might be very boring when I'm not posing
11:40
for the camera. I mean, there's really only one
11:43
way to find out, right? Certainly, maybe if I had more
11:48
time, maybe, who knows. I suppose I could like, knock
11:51
over a boom bike or something, right?
11:55
No, because that would keep me here for longer and I'm
11:59
technically supposed to catch a super late flight tomorrow back
12:02
to LA. Well, look, you got to, you got
12:06
to give me something here. I mean, Ashley would fucking
12:10
kill me if I didn't at the very least try to keep Queen Babylon
12:16
around for a little bit longer. Well, selfie people like those.
12:24
That would make her whole. That would make her whole week.
12:27
Promise. I'm not going to be a shit about
12:28
it. It'll be purely for Ashley's
12:31
eyes only. I won't fucking put this on any
12:34
of the socials. Try to get some quick Internet
12:37
clout. Yeah, as long as my eyes aren't
12:40
bloodshot, I don't care. Santa Roya would be a little
12:44
surprising if you weren't just a little bit blazed.
12:47
I can certainly see that. Didn't Leah ask her?
12:51
You're watching all of this happen.
12:54
She walks over with a mug. Coco, she'll offer it.
13:00
Honestly, I think I do need the sugar for this.
13:03
I think we're up to 14 hour a day.
13:09
Hey, I can spice this cocoa in any way you want.
13:12
You want some coffee? You want some something a little
13:14
stronger? Oh fuck yeah, let's make it a
13:19
party. I think coffee for for now,
13:27
maybe later, maybe later. Slipping a little bit of
13:29
something, but coffee for now because I'm going to need it.
13:34
So she like scuttles off, drops an espresso into this cocoa and
13:41
like separates the mugs in each hand and the other mug she has
13:49
dropped a little bit of Bailey's into and just comes like
13:53
shuffling back. Specifically handle hands.
13:56
The one without the alcohol in it to Raleigh and the one with
14:01
alcohol in it to Sebastian. Sebastian's just determined to
14:07
enjoy himself at this point. I mean, he knows he's not
14:09
winning an Oscar for anything anytime soon.
14:12
And Raleigh will sip at it. Interestingly, this along with
14:19
the croissants that I took from the hotel commissary this
14:25
morning, it's very stale, is probably going to get me through
14:29
my entire day do. You need like A to go bag.
14:35
You got to eat. Eating's really important.
14:36
You got to eat. Yeah, seconded.
14:39
Nobody needs you feigning in the middle of this grody ass diner.
14:44
For sure. Maybe.
14:48
I wouldn't probably wouldn't say no to actual food.
14:52
Just scuttle off again. There's.
14:54
Enough tollies around the corner.
14:55
I mean, I don't know if that counts as actual food, but it's
14:57
something. Cheeseburgers.
15:02
Oh God, he had cheeseburgers. Riley sort of looks wistful for
15:07
a second and just sort of shakes her head.
15:10
Just being like, I'm better not if I'm going to fit into that
15:16
dress for the fucking party. You'll be fine.
15:20
OK, sewed that to me to be skin tight.
15:24
I don't know why you'll be. Fine, come on, we'll get you
15:27
into a pair of Spanx and she'll like tap her hip, get you a
15:32
cheeseburger, like squat alls off gets a cheeseburger and like
15:36
some other things like fries, whatever, and brings it back and
15:41
and like on the tray there is a impeccably rolled joint for
15:47
later. We'll Raleigh we'll with very
15:52
little pretense, dig into the food.
15:54
It's very clear that she is very busy and probably has not eaten
15:58
like she should. What are they doing to you in
16:02
LAA? Lot of juice cleanses
16:04
unfortunately. Oh fuck off.
16:08
Oh, it's the big trend. And everybody, everybody wonders
16:13
why nobody likes Angelinos. Like all you need to do is be
16:17
spotted in a paparazzi photo with this juice bottle worth 10
16:21
Ki can do that. OK, that's it.
16:25
If you're going to be here, I cannot in good con just subject
16:29
you to more of the usual bullshit.
16:33
Oh. We're going to.
16:34
Yeah, we're going to do something fun.
16:35
But first I need to contrive an excuse to halt filmmaking.
16:40
If you'll excuse me, he's. Probably going to go something
16:42
something on fire. Lovely.
16:48
Sebastian is not, in fact, going to set something on fire.
16:53
We're in a, we're in a diner, correct?
16:56
Yes. That means there's a kitchen.
16:59
Yes. So, so there is like usually
17:04
like the drain built where they wash dishes can get very easily
17:08
backed up. And when it does like,
17:11
especially if there's like a drainage channel on the floor,
17:14
it just spills effluence everywhere.
17:19
And that can get a that can become a big problem real
17:22
quickly, especially if they're like, presumably setting up
17:25
cameras everywhere. Yes, it certainly can.
17:30
So Sebastian is literally just going to grab a bunch of napkins
17:34
out of a dispenser, shove it down one of the drains, and then
17:37
start the faucet. And yeah, I.
17:42
Think that's going to wait for the roll?
17:44
Yeah, I think faucets did a major roll because this is
17:46
ingenuity. I am very good at shenanigans.
17:55
Oh, that's two fives. And in this game, whenever a
18:00
double rolled a plot twist, a plot twist happens.
18:06
And for A5 it is a the player who rolled receives a wrapped
18:12
gift from an NPC. Interesting.
18:17
I imagine something like this is possibly little, little nice
18:23
little bags are something that the production just put together
18:28
for you know the the featured extras and you are handed one of
18:34
those. Oh, thanks.
18:36
By the way, there's a there's a grey water getting everywhere.
18:44
And you caused some production assistants to have a really bad
18:51
hour or two. Yeah, and in the chaos of trying
18:56
to keep the their outlets from shorting out, I'm going to head
19:01
back to the table and be like, all right, that gives us about a
19:04
5 minute window. Anything at this?
19:07
At this point, 5 minutes feels like an hour.
19:12
I mean, you know, just trying to give you a proper San Arroyo
19:17
welcome that doesn't involve being shaken down into 711.
19:22
Well, there's still time for that.
19:29
Listen, you're wasn't completely being facetious when I was
19:33
talking about my daughter's whole Bill's above fix.
19:36
So if you know maybe like swing by the Scarlet Sage maybe a
19:40
little earlier, you know, mean a lot to her so.
19:47
Yeah, well with the gestures up ranting, production assistance,
19:53
the time you bought me, I can probably have a little bit of
19:56
time before filming starts. I know it always sound to
20:00
people, it always sounds facetious when somebody is like
20:05
I love talking with people who enjoy it.
20:08
Might what I do, I actually do enjoy it, especially bills
20:12
above. That's special one for me.
20:14
Well. Yeah, you changed a lot of
20:18
people's lives with those fishnets.
20:23
And people on the Internet like to let me know that every day.
20:26
Kind of flattering. Before too long, the food is
20:30
finished and sort of rally, sort of like looks around and checks
20:34
her phone once again before saying, well, if I'm going to
20:39
get to this Scarlet Sage, especially a little bit early, I
20:44
should probably head out. But I love it.
20:48
And if I tag along. Sure, yeah, I don't mind the
20:52
company. Cool.
20:54
But yes, Sebastian was lovely to meet you.
20:57
I will say hi to Ashley when I see her and I hope this earns
21:03
you some cool dad points. I'll see you, won't we?
21:06
And I mean no reason to be a stranger while you're here if
21:12
you ever want that proper San Arroyo experience that I
21:16
mentioned. I will certainly let you know.
21:23
Astor will lean into Raleigh and be like if he offers you
21:27
Vermillo, say no. What's that?
21:32
You don't want to know. It's awful.
21:34
OK, Yeah. Hey, hey, whoa, whoa.
21:37
I'm not a sadist. I mean, can it be?
21:39
Can it be worse than Malort? It is.
21:42
I don't know how they managed to do it, but it is.
21:46
My husband made me do it on our wedding night and it was awful.
21:52
Awful. I hope you divorced him.
21:55
Not yet, but. Yeah, as as presumably the two
22:00
of them duck off. Sebastian just get a text,
22:03
Ashley, and just be like, you're not going to fucking believe
22:06
this. Yeah, Speaking of Ashley, yeah,
22:11
we see the Scarlet Sage. Who do we see behind the
22:14
counter? Ashley is.
22:17
In a. Really festive spirit she's gone
22:22
through and started putting up like a lot of Christmas
22:27
decorations Christmas and especially a lot of like older.
22:33
I guess you could call them Yule decorations, but she's wearing
22:37
this like, yeah, we'll call, yeah.
22:40
Ugly Christmas sweater. It's she's full blown in in the
22:47
in the mood. She's got Christmas music
22:50
playing in the shop. Just getting everything set up
22:56
for the holidays. A little late, but you know.
23:04
Yeah, and you are also told that the production was going to use
23:10
Scarlet Sage as a bit of a filming location today.
23:15
Yeah, it's terrifying there is this.
23:22
Yeah, Ashley has this sense of excitement because this place is
23:29
kind of her baby, and getting an opportunity to have it shown in
23:37
something like this is really cool.
23:39
And on top of all of that, knowing that Raleigh Asher's
23:45
playing the lead characters kind of daunting is a good way to say
23:52
it. Yeah, yeah.
23:55
And Speaking of Raleigh Asher, oh, look, she's walking into
24:00
your store right now chatting with Esther.
24:05
I feel like there is a moment of so much internal panic.
24:12
She probably sees it and like and ends up dropping what she's
24:21
holding and she's like bumps into one of the shelves and
24:25
drops and it be it was just like, Oh my gosh.
24:30
And go start cleaning stuff up and.
24:36
Well you know it, Raleigh is there next to you but helping
24:39
you also clean the thing up and saying I'm used to the to the
24:45
freak out so it's OK, don't worry about it.
24:48
I'm so sorry. I really thought I was going to
24:51
be a lot cooler about this. I I didn't think you it's the I
25:00
figured I'd talk to like I don't know one of the suits or
25:04
something about you guys coming in.
25:09
I I'm sorry, it's still not everything's not 100% set or
25:14
anything You're. Good.
25:15
I I'm just here a little early. The production is running a
25:20
little behind, maybe like 15 minutes behind.
25:23
I'll be here soon to set up. Oh oh OK cool.
25:27
So I I need to finish setting up.
25:38
I I like she is read words are not coming to her at all.
25:53
She's just fumbling over herself as she's like trying to gather
25:57
all this stuff up and it's like, I think I need to finish getting
26:04
ready. It's, it's OK, Ashley, right.
26:10
Yeah, yeah. I met your dad at my last
26:16
filming location. Oh God, I'm sorry.
26:21
Seemed pretty harmless. Yeah, but.
26:26
This is cute by the way. Yeah, I mean, he's cool, I
26:34
guess, but you know, he's a dad. He's lame.
26:43
I understand. I was wondering I'd, I'd, I'd
26:49
seen him text earlier saying, you know, just like you'll never
26:54
believe what happened and I just hadn't had a chance to like
26:59
respond to him. So I'm going to go on a safe
27:03
assumption that that was you that happened.
27:09
Yeah, yeah. That's a pretty safe assumption.
27:17
Yeah. Oh, he is so embarrassing.
27:21
I'm sorry. I mean, it seems like he cares,
27:27
at least in his own messy way, so, you know.
27:30
Yeah. I mean, he's.
27:34
Yeah, he's, he's pretty great. Huge reason why I even have all
27:43
this. So, you know, it's yeah, he's a
27:49
great dad, but like I said, he's lame.
27:55
I think everyone thinks their dad is lame.
27:58
I think that's a universal experience.
28:00
Yeah, probably. Look, my dad is an Oscar winning
28:03
production designer and I think he's lame.
28:07
Fair, Totally fair. But also I love him.
28:13
So, you know, he's lame, but I love him and you know.
28:20
Were you like looking for anything or shoot for like
28:25
wanting to pick something up or just wanting to check the place
28:29
out? Actually, I do kind of need to
28:33
get a last minute Christmas gift, OK?
28:39
Who are we looking for? And she's going to start walking
28:43
over to the counter to like, set the decorations down and like,
28:48
immediately goes into shopping mode.
28:54
It's it's for my mom. My mom was really big into all
28:57
the new AG LA stuff. So I always try to get her
29:00
something and maybe something from a place like this.
29:03
It won't be as LA. All right, all right.
29:07
I got some. I actually, I know it's like
29:15
really close to Christmas. I did get some new crystals in.
29:24
I did actually get. Does your mom read?
29:27
Yeah, a surprising amount of books, yeah.
29:30
Cool. Oh, she she's probably hard to
29:33
find books for that she hasn't. Read already.
29:35
She really is, I swear. I mean, I I don't read as much
29:41
as I used to because I just don't have the time.
29:45
That's I feel that this this place takes a lot.
29:52
So I I definitely understand. Hold on, I actually might have
29:58
something and she's going to go start like fishing through some
30:02
of the books and find book that's come out very recently
30:11
that actually goes through and talks about different rituals
30:17
and for the the different holidays within the yearly
30:23
cycle, she's going to grab this and go.
30:27
So this one just came out not too long ago.
30:32
I really, really like the author.
30:36
Some pretty, pretty good stuff in here.
30:38
I've definitely been enjoying some of the more Yule time stuff
30:46
that's in here, but it's good for all year, you know, so
30:49
you're not just just looking at Christmas.
30:52
Of course, of course. Why don't you give me a Coco
30:58
roll? ID that is A7.
31:05
Raleigh sort of looks at it, kind of does like flip through
31:09
and just says you don't happen to gift wrap, do you?
31:15
Yeah, yeah, I can do that. I can do that for sure.
31:19
And yeah, that totally helps. This is especially if it's
31:22
recent, she probably hasn't read it.
31:24
So yeah, you saved my ass. Yeah, no problem.
31:29
And I'll take the book and go and gift wrap it and then I'm,
31:37
oh, I know this is going to be so cringe, but I'm just like,
31:42
probably Asher's in my shop. I'm going to drop a sprig of
31:49
mistletoe into the bag that the gift wrapped book will be in
31:56
before handing it off and being like as I'll see you later
32:03
today. Yeah, and like they'll probably
32:07
be here soon to set up and then we'll probably be filming for
32:10
the next couple hours. This is this is an interesting
32:14
place to do the meet cute with my possible love interest, but
32:18
you know I'm not going to overlook it.
32:22
Yeah, I mean interesting works. And I hope you don't mean
32:28
interesting in a bad way, not. In a bad way.
32:30
It's just I've never seen it before.
32:33
So yeah, it's interesting you know this.
32:38
I mean, I'm getting new pages for the script every day, so
32:42
does it work? That sounds exhausting.
32:46
Well, I'm I got to get back to putting decorations up.
32:55
See you later. Yeah, yeah.
33:00
See you in a See you in a bit. Yeah, I got to drop this in my
33:04
car anyways. And Ashley's going to pick back
33:10
up the decorations and shuffle into the back and just kind of
33:18
have like a moment before sending a text back to her dad
33:30
that just says thanks for the heads up.
33:35
Master, do you stay in the shop or do you follow Raleigh?
33:42
At this point I I feel like like can I just tag along?
33:46
I don't really have a whole lot to do.
33:52
I don't see why not, it's actually kind of nice.
33:58
To have some company. Hey, do you want to smoke that
34:00
joint on the way? I've got some clear eyes in my
34:04
purse. It's fine.
34:05
I, I kind of, do you know this, this script is kind of one I
34:12
could do in my sleep. It doesn't involve any stunts.
34:18
That's like, weird for you, isn't it?
34:19
That's like your whole thing, your shtick.
34:23
Yeah, yeah, I, I and I don't want to complain because I'm
34:28
actually trying to get away from all the action films and maybe
34:33
they'll let me to do different films.
34:35
So got my fingers crossed. If if there's anything I can do
34:40
to help, let me know. She like offers an arm to like
34:45
link arms and it just kind of skip down the sidewalk.
34:49
No billionaires look into finance films.
34:54
If I did, I would like, you know, but that's that's a little
34:59
out of my wheelhouse. You need Soil looked at.
35:04
I'm your girl. I will keep that in mind.
35:10
Maybe if I ever yeah, get cast as a scientist.
35:15
We could definitely use her help.
35:16
Then hit me up. Got you.
35:19
I don't, I don't. She like puts a joint in her
35:29
mouth and lights it and take a huge hit and then hands it.
35:33
Yeah, and Raleigh will certainly take the joints back and also
35:40
take a few hits and time moves. We watch as the team sets up at
35:49
the Scarlet Sage, and we watch as Raleigh's the person she's
35:54
supposed to be doing going to be cute with.
35:57
He's blonde and boring, but you know Raleigh's at least able to
36:05
pretend to have chemistry with him, and that's really all that
36:10
matters. That's because she's a good
36:12
actress. Exactly.
36:15
And before you realize it, it's the evening.
36:21
The sun has long set and the sort of fake snow that the
36:29
production has sort of blown around to.
36:37
They're not really disguising the fact that this is a town in
36:40
a desert very well, but they're trying.
36:47
And we watch as Raleigh is walking back to her car, kind of
36:55
just a little tired and worn out.
36:57
And, and Bella, this is when you see her walking.
37:05
Who do we see in this moment? Yeah, and Bella's got on like a
37:12
bright Christmassy red maxi dress that has these like
37:20
crochet slash Lacy elements to keep it within her sort of
37:24
bohemian vibe. Given that the snow is fake,
37:28
it's not actually cold. So it the dress has got little
37:34
like cap sleeves. And then she's got on like a tan
37:38
leather like rancher style hat. She's gonna just sort of like,
37:46
adjust the dress a little bit and casually sort of walk by and
37:52
do the very classic thing where the shoulders just, like, bump a
37:56
little bit accidentally. And she's like, oh, my God, I'm
37:59
so sorry. Are you OK?
38:04
And Raleigh sort of like isn't unbalanced, but, you know,
38:07
there's kind of like a moment of just the exhaustion where, you
38:12
know, it takes her a second to turn around and she gives you
38:17
kind of a rueful smile. And she says, I'm, I'm fine.
38:20
Just been a long day. Oh my God, yeah, I can tell.
38:24
Not not like in a rude way, but you look like you need either
38:28
like coffee or like a nap or like a drink stat.
38:33
Like one of those 3. Can you make a three happen at
38:37
the same time? I mean coffee and drink, yes,
38:44
nap eventually you technically need to be conscious to like
38:49
enjoy the 1st 2:00. Technically, yes, but yeah, I'm
38:55
you're most certainly not seeing things.
38:57
I'm new around here. Well, there's this dive bar,
39:02
not, you know, halfway down the block, I think it's called like,
39:05
Roll of Honor or something. They've probably got some sort
39:09
of hot, hot toddy or something if you want to, I don't know,
39:15
unwind. Kind of does the thing, checks
39:18
her phone, checks the time, does a little bit of mental math and
39:21
says honestly I don't have a call time till 6:00 AM so fuck
39:28
it I'll sleep in. Oh, are you part of the movie?
39:34
Yeah, Yeah, you could say that. That's so cool.
39:40
So yeah. And Bella's going to just wrap
39:46
an arm just around Raleigh's and lead her down the road.
39:51
Astor will grab the other arm. Oh, hi, who are you?
39:57
I bought weed from you this morning.
39:59
You know who I am, Aster. I'm so sorry.
40:06
Let's go. She'll like move the way.
40:15
So yeah, movies going good. You said like, oh God, 6:00 AM
40:20
That's like so early. How do you handle that?
40:25
A lot of coffee and sometimes several energy drinks.
40:33
I mean I first couple hours are pretty chill.
40:37
I just got to get to make up by 6.
40:42
Gotcha. Surprising amount of make up
40:46
just to make myself look like I'm not wearing any.
40:48
It's always, it's always made me laugh a little bit.
40:52
Yeah, it looks like they do that.
40:54
Yeah, like underpainting thing. I could never master it.
40:59
I've learned a little bit from my mom, my mom's makeup artist,
41:03
and she taught me some of the tricks.
41:05
But yeah, there's, it's wild what these people are able to
41:09
do. That's so cool.
41:14
So how do you like our sleepy little town?
41:17
It's certainly sleepy and I think it's like more of it if I
41:23
wasn't on a movie set for 10 hours a day.
41:28
Rose well, at least you can wind a little bit tonight and and
41:34
Bella's going to open the door for the trio as they get to the
41:38
bar. Yeah, and this is unlike in the
41:42
actual game, the the Hallmark version of a dive bar, which
41:46
means it still looks kind of nice.
41:50
Got like the fairy lights going on.
41:54
There's actual like a little Christmas tree with beer bottles
41:57
on it. They serve wine here, but in the
42:01
sense that they serve two kinds, red and white.
42:05
And they both come out of a box. Exactly.
42:09
Astor will lean in to Raleigh again and be like, do not tell
42:14
them you're from out of town. Noticed anything else I should
42:19
know? No, you good after that.
42:22
Good to know man. Purely, purely distortion.
42:29
And Bella's going to go up to the bar and be like, hey, Jesse,
42:33
can we get three shots of Vermillo?
42:37
I hate you. I absolutely hate you.
42:39
You are the worst kind of human. Stuff is.
42:45
Horrid. Come on, it's tradition for
42:49
outsiders. Yeah, that's what Zach said too.
42:56
Zach, he's Raleigh. If you happen to meet a certain
43:03
Zach Crawford, just like, maybe don't.
43:07
I said that to him last week. He was real mad about it.
43:14
It's enough anyway if I ever meet a Zach Crawford.
43:19
But yeah, I'm going to need both of you to make.
43:23
We'll do a sweaters roll. Oh, no.
43:26
Oh. God, I'm immediately going to
43:30
use my holiday magic to use my cheer to roll instead coming in.
43:41
8 total. Oh, that is going to be a 15.
43:50
Yeah, you all three sort of pound down this Vermillo shot
43:57
and like, there's a moment where, you know, it happens.
44:03
Kind of Raleigh just sort of like puts her like palms on the
44:06
bar and just breathes. Says you really were choking.
44:11
Yeah, I told you. Oh.
44:15
God, it's so bad. Why did you do that?
44:20
Why did you make us suffer? It's.
44:23
Tradition, and it's the holidays.
44:27
I never thought I would be happy to have Mallort, Yeah.
44:34
Mallort's way better than this. Oh God.
44:40
I don't know if I actually got your name.
44:45
I'm Robbie. Oh yeah, I know who you are.
44:52
I'm Aunt Bella. Hopefully to meet you Aunt
44:57
Bella, despite the. Hopefully to meet you too.
45:03
Oh yeah, sorry, I can be a bit of a bitch.
45:10
That's an understatement. I'm.
45:15
From LA, the land of bitches. So.
45:20
Yeah, see, This is why we get along.
45:21
I'm also from LA. So wait, Raleigh, how long are
45:25
you in town? Technically supposed to leave
45:30
tomorrow, that's when my plane is booked for, but I'll probably
45:34
be back in a couple of weeks to shoot some pickups or really
45:40
shoots or whatever because there's always those.
45:45
It's been six weeks of non non-stop 6 that turned to 8.
45:51
It's been a bit. Oh, well, I mean, I'm sorry to
45:56
say, but you're a resident now. It's been over a month.
46:00
That's what I've heard. Yeah, you got to get out now or
46:04
else this place will just keep you.
46:07
I'm trying. Oh come on, Santa Maria's not
46:11
that bad around the holidays. We don't even have like a
46:16
massive Christmas tree. It's the fucking cactus by the
46:19
gazebo. Yeah.
46:21
I actually kind of appreciate that though.
46:24
But you've never done holidays at the Crawfords?
46:29
Yeah, intentionally. I wasn't prepared for.
46:35
It. And then Aster gets like the
46:39
1000 yard stare. Yeah, the Crawfords are.
46:46
They're something not like my family's any better, but.
46:51
This certainly sounds like a story that I want to hear, but
46:56
with tequila. Oh yes, absolutely.
47:02
Tequila please. Anything to wash the Vermillo
47:06
hats. And yeah, Anne, Bella will
47:09
happily just do rounds of shots and spill all of the family
47:16
beans. Anne.
47:19
Bella, you remember that time where like, I accidentally
47:23
called you to go to that party, the Christmas party, because I
47:27
needed to get away from the house for a while?
47:31
I called you from Ash's phone. Oh my God.
47:37
Yeah. Ash.
47:39
Raleigh. Ash is another Crawford.
47:41
We were like like one year apart in school.
47:45
Sorry, I interrupted Astor. Please continue.
47:48
I remember. That party, that was such a good
47:51
time. I think that was the first time
47:53
that I didn't want to punch you in the face, this being the
47:56
second. Oh, Esther, that's so sweet.
48:01
Howdy cheer and she'll like cheers the shot glass but miss
48:06
it entirely because she's had one too many drinks and then
48:11
just slam it back. Thinking Bella basically misses
48:16
the shot and then like does a weird hook around with the shot
48:20
to try to clink it on the back end.
48:21
Also misses and tosses it back. For all of these shots, I feel
48:26
like I should make you all roll something just to see how we'll
48:29
you're taking them, OK? Let's go.
48:33
What are we rolling? Some more sweaters.
48:37
Some more sweaters. Yeah, we're going to be doing
48:40
more sweaters all. Right.
48:43
That is the same 8 total. I also got an 8.
48:51
Oh yeah, you're, you're starting to, you're starting to feel it.
48:55
You're you're moving past pleasant buzz into giggly drunk.
49:03
And I think as this progresses Ambella just gets like casually
49:09
more and more touchy feely with Raleigh unless she pushes her
49:13
away. No, Raleigh's not.
49:17
Astro just cocks an eyebrow. So wait, you're flying out on on
49:26
Christmas Eve like that? Fucked.
49:30
How could they do that to you? That's not fair.
49:36
Technically it was supposed to be over a week ago but then we
49:42
kept getting delayed and the writers kept changing scenes.
49:47
And someone can even get me started on my Co star.
49:55
Oh no, is he? Awful.
49:57
He's he's. Boring.
50:03
Oh, that's the worst. Boring how I've.
50:06
I've acted against fucking tennis balls on a stick that
50:11
have more charm than him. Oh no.
50:16
Oh God. I mean, I can see why he's been
50:21
relegated to these films because you know, he's he's got the good
50:25
looks and the the winning smile, but there's nothing behind those
50:30
eyes. Like he's pretty and I've
50:39
already made too many mistakes by fucking Co stars.
50:41
So I'm not doing that. Anymore my tea, let's go.
50:47
You can't. Acting for like almost 20 years.
50:52
It's been wild. Aster's face is just like she's
50:57
doing that. I'm really drunk and I can't
51:00
quite hold my body up anymore. And her fate.
51:03
Her hands are just on her face, and her face is getting
51:06
progressively more smushed. Look, all I'm saying is there is
51:11
an episode fills a pub where my character, we had to deal with
51:18
work around so I could travel to Travis's injuries.
51:21
So it was literally an episode that takes place in one location
51:24
and I got stuck with this guy, this one of Bill's fucking hench
51:31
men. And yeah, no, it was, it was
51:35
like a week of just us filming in this location and it was a
51:41
bar and that was real alcohol. Oh my God.
51:49
And he probably had those like those, like stuntman muscles.
51:56
Yeah, most certainly. Astor pulls out her phone to
52:03
drunk text Ashley. All of this, but it just comes
52:07
out like. I mean, you know, he was great
52:17
and everything, but it, it, it became awkward, especially when
52:23
his girlfriend showed up to set. Oh no, that's terrible.
52:31
And he didn't like stress. Oh.
52:34
Oh well, lesson learned, I guess.
52:40
Good for you, yeah. Oh yeah, not the first or the
52:46
last person in a relationship I slept with, but you know, I
52:50
think. We've all done it.
52:53
I haven't we all there's a solid couple of years that are pretty
53:03
well I was a just a fucking child star.
53:06
Oh, right. Yeah, you know, I did what
53:14
normal people would do, you know, kind of cut loose and be
53:18
wild as a teenager, except it was all photographed and
53:22
videoed. Oh, the downside to Hollywood.
53:28
Yeah. You want another shot?
53:32
Yes. More shots and like Astor slams
53:37
her hand on the table causing her to like rattle a little bit.
53:43
All right, all right, I'll get us another round.
53:47
Maybe Jello this time. Christmas Jello.
53:53
Bucket, let's not. That cinnamon stuff, right?
53:57
Yes, cinnamon. I like that cinnamon and
54:01
peppermint and it's that would be great.
54:07
All right, let's go. Let's do it it.
54:09
Can't be worse than the Vermello.
54:11
Nothing's worse than the Vermello, I promise you.
54:15
And so it goes on like this for a while.
54:23
And how are you all getting back to your respective homes?
54:31
I called Zach. Ambella's going to call an Uber
54:39
or potentially text Oh God is it messier?
54:44
She texts Darren to pick her up. It's so much easier.
54:49
Make it messier. Make it messy.
54:51
Then yeah, she's going to text Darren to come pick her up at
54:54
the bar. Oh God.
54:58
You will get picked up and Raleigh will go back to her
55:02
hotel. I just want to make it clear
55:05
that Raleigh definitely saw her get into the beater car and give
55:11
Darren a kiss as they drove off. Peek mess.
55:16
Peek Mess. We move into Act 2 as you have
55:21
all met your possible love interest and Act 2 starts.
55:27
It's the next day and they're shooting the big holiday parade
55:31
scene and you are all here. Just, you know, getting your
55:38
your background extra pay. For the day, Astor has glasses
55:43
on. Like thick blacked out glasses.
55:48
She looks like an absolute mess, but who's trying to hold it
55:52
together? And then we'll just walk up and
55:54
be like, hey, you good. Raleigh also looks a little
55:58
drained. It's harder to sit, likely
56:00
there's a lot of makeup and she's like, yeah, no, they're
56:04
going to do mostly long, like long shots today.
56:07
So I I don't have to worry about close-ups.
56:13
Just pat you on the shoulder and be like you got this.
56:16
You got this? Yeah.
56:19
You too. Yeah.
56:26
That I found the greasiest breakfast I have, which I could
56:29
this morning, and it did nothing.
56:33
I'll. Find us some food and like
56:35
Astor, will just scuttle off. I I think just for an extra
56:40
layer of hijinks, you hear Sebastian say, wait, you want me
56:45
to do what? I I thought it was snowing.
56:48
What? What do you mean?
56:49
The fire hydrant? I mean, yeah, sure.
56:51
But look, I'm just saying I'm going to be half naked on
56:54
camera. I feel like I should get paid
56:55
extra for this. All right, All right, fine.
57:00
And the worst part of this entire thing is that standing
57:04
next to him is Ashley just dying on the inside.
57:12
And he was going to be like, honestly.
57:14
I mean, it's going to be like, how many other people?
57:19
Look, I'm here, look, I'm here for the paycheck, aren't I just.
57:24
Yeah, yeah. Hold on.
57:26
Fucking. Dad.
57:26
Dad. Dad.
57:28
What? Please.
57:30
Somewhere else please. Come on, it's nothing you
57:35
haven't seen before. True, but listen, this half of
57:42
the conversation to everybody else up round sounds worse than
57:47
it is. You said you needed extra money
57:50
to cover the holiday costs. I know, but like I said, I
57:59
don't, I don't care. It's the heck this half of the
58:02
conversation right here, right now where people I'm.
58:09
He's the the the shirt is already fully open, by the way,
58:12
just like. Yeah.
58:15
Blinding anyone within a 5 foot radius.
58:19
Yeah, of course, this is the time where Raleigh walks up.
58:25
Oh, hi. Hey, hey.
58:28
You. You come here often, God.
58:34
Finally, I told you 6 to 8 weeks.
58:37
I told you this. Are they serious about the whole
58:42
I'm confused is it winter weather or not?
58:44
Because, like, it's starting to turn into a God damn wet T-shirt
58:49
contest over here. Look, all I know is that fucking
58:52
movie about the hot snowman came out while we were writing this
58:55
and suddenly they're rewriting half the film.
58:58
Oh yeah, that makes sense. The shirt's fully off.
59:04
Why? Put it on, man.
59:07
I'm trying to get my look. I'm trying to get that bonus and
59:10
besides, not too different from my old job.
59:14
God, Dad, I I Ashley's going to look at Aster and go walk.
59:26
Walk. Yeah, let's go.
59:29
I need to find more food. Anyone hungry?
59:32
Help. Me, yeah.
59:35
I got you greasy. Oh yeah.
59:38
Oh yeah, I'm fucking starving. Oh.
59:40
God no. Yep.
59:42
Not you, not you. Not not.
59:47
All right, well, let's go get for your.
59:53
I I worked at a circus. Just to be clear, I I.
59:58
I mean, I wouldn't judge if you had done the other thing.
1:00:01
Look, I. Yeah, like I was a carny, not a
1:00:04
stripper. I just want to make that clear.
1:00:06
Look, I've shot for Playboy, so I have.
1:00:11
I have no judgement for those who take their clothes off for
1:00:14
money. Yeah, you know, like, look, I'm
1:00:17
just commiserating, you know, I know a thing or two about
1:00:20
getting out in front of a crowd and shaking it for money.
1:00:26
Yeah, it's my entire life. Preach, Sister.
1:00:35
Yeah, sort of. Raleigh is sipping at this very
1:00:40
strong coffee and definitely looks like there you can tell
1:00:46
the the look of someone who's hungover.
1:00:49
Oh no, you got, you got introduced to some of the magic
1:00:56
elixir, didn't you? That and like 5 shots of tequila
1:01:02
and several jello shots. Wow.
1:01:07
That is, I mean, I I know I joked a lot about getting into
1:01:13
the traditional Santa Royan holiday spirit, but I think you
1:01:18
might have over committed it a bit.
1:01:21
Well, I I met someone named Ambella and then I was being hit
1:01:29
the drinks, kind of. God, fucking Ambella Castillo.
1:01:37
Sure. Yeah, that sounds correct.
1:01:40
Yeah, she's she's like the closest thing we got to a Valley
1:01:45
girl here. So yeah, I'm not surprised at
1:01:48
how that's how your night went. Yeah, I could see that.
1:01:55
Certainly it's a great time to hang out with, I guess.
1:02:00
Oh my God, you're so right. Hey, Raleigh.
1:02:03
Oh. Fuck.
1:02:07
And I think she's completely unfazed by what the previous
1:02:14
evening was because by her standards, it was light.
1:02:19
Yeah, no. And Bella's definitely one of
1:02:21
those people that has a liver of lead.
1:02:24
Uh huh, babe, you doing all right?
1:02:28
And she's immediately got a hand on like, Raleigh's arm.
1:02:33
It's just been been a bit and you know, did the freaky mistake
1:02:39
of not drinking all of the water bottles in my hotel bar.
1:02:45
Oh yeah, you just got to put like a cup on the bedside table
1:02:50
and then every time you wake up feeling awful, you take a sit.
1:02:55
Yeah, yeah. That this normally works, yeah.
1:02:59
Aunt Bella, not all of us made a Faustian bargain for limitless
1:03:03
alcohol tolerance. What the fuck did you do to this
1:03:05
poor woman? I.
1:03:09
Already like that's I was 19. I think I welcomed her to San
1:03:16
Arroyo in the holiday spirits. With the holiday spirits, Yep.
1:03:23
I could do with less for mellow. Yeah, that's what I thought.
1:03:28
Oh come on, holidays are the time for overindulgence and
1:03:33
saying fuck it so. And Aster comes back with like,
1:03:39
a super, like, the bag is dripping with grease and she
1:03:44
just pulls a sandwich out of it and, like, taps Raleigh.
1:03:49
Owe you for this. No, you don't.
1:03:53
This was my mistake for introducing.
1:03:58
She just takes a bite. Yeah, probably will also take a
1:04:02
bite. God, it's not my fault y'all.
1:04:05
You guys are lightweights. Wouldn't blame, I wouldn't blame
1:04:09
yourselves for not having the Castillo Catholic drinking
1:04:12
jeans. Yeah, my parents are Protestant.
1:04:17
Hey, where's Darren and Bella? Haven't seen him around lately.
1:04:22
He's in the back, he's tall, so he has to go to the back of the
1:04:28
extras so that he's not blocking people in the crowd.
1:04:36
Makes sense, I guess. Munching on sandwich.
1:04:41
Mm Hmm. What do I have to roll to tell
1:04:46
that Embella's bullshitting me right now?
1:04:51
Certainly sounds like it would be a Coco roll.
1:04:58
All right, not amazing, but we'll see.
1:05:03
OK that wasn't amazing, but it is 2 threes funnily enough.
1:05:08
As you are doing this and having this conversation, you feel it's
1:05:14
that moment when you feel something like land on your skin
1:05:18
and you think it's rain for a second and you look up and it's.
1:05:21
Snow, you got to be fucking kidding me.
1:05:26
But like actual snow because they don't have the snow blowers
1:05:29
going right now is. That snow, real snow in the I
1:05:35
mean, I know it can technically snow in the desert.
1:05:40
Well, either that or you both died of alcohol poisoning and
1:05:43
we're currently witnessing something.
1:05:47
Apocalyptic. No, it's actual snow.
1:05:53
It's gorgeous. Well, I hope that production
1:06:04
takes good advantage of that. Yeah, Sebastian, you'll probably
1:06:08
need to put your shirt back on, otherwise he'll get cold.
1:06:12
Yes, please. Yes, please.
1:06:14
Yes, please. OK, OK, God, just trying to.
1:06:19
Suddenly he feels rather awkward.
1:06:23
No time. Alcohol poisoning, So I'm
1:06:26
assuming that was where the text came from last night.
1:06:31
Yeah, what did it say? And Pastor will pull out her
1:06:35
phone and like look at the garbled, like several lines of
1:06:42
anxiety text, but also drunk text.
1:06:45
So it's just letters and occasionally numbers.
1:06:48
And there's a an emoji in there somewhere.
1:06:50
I don't know how that got there. Essentially nothing.
1:06:55
It's not I'm sorry. Asked her Why did you send my
1:06:57
daughter an eggplant? I Please don't explain.
1:07:04
Please don't explain it to him. Please don't explain it to him.
1:07:07
Yeah, like what the hell does an eggplant have to?
1:07:09
I mean, let it's a. You know, what are these times?
1:07:14
I would actually one of these times, I'd actually like to go
1:07:17
out with you at some point like, but somebody's a square and
1:07:21
won't let me. Learn from my mistakes, young
1:07:27
one. Learn from my mistakes.
1:07:29
Don't run away and join the circus.
1:07:32
That is actually not bad advice. Don't become an actor until you
1:07:38
graduate high school. No seriously, what's with the
1:07:42
eggplant? Is this like a Gen.
1:07:43
Z thing? It's it.
1:07:47
It's a drunk text thing. Yeah, I think if we were talking
1:07:51
about, you know what you don't need to know, Sebastian.
1:07:55
My bad choices, bad choices. Mm hmm, all of our bad choices.
1:08:00
I'm Bella. I mean, I think it was a great
1:08:02
choice. I mean, I've been Bethel and
1:08:08
other choices for last night, but I was talking about bad
1:08:10
choices in my past. Oh, I mean, that's fair.
1:08:16
That had to do with eggplant. Oh.
1:08:22
Yeah, Oh. Mm hmm so do people just not sex
1:08:30
each other anymore or like what the fuck am I missing?
1:08:34
Astro would just look to Ashley and be like I'm so sorry.
1:08:39
Ashley is beet red at this moment.
1:08:43
There is. If this is this moment, here is
1:08:48
everything that she feared when she said, yeah, my dad's cool,
1:08:53
but he's so lame. Yeah, I don't think.
1:08:58
But at this moment, you hear Raleigh's phone go off and she
1:09:04
steps back to take a phone call, sort of leaving you all just
1:09:10
sort of standing there. Astor will look at him, Bella,
1:09:13
and be like he laid it on a little thick last night.
1:09:19
Sue me, I was also a little drunk and so was she.
1:09:23
It was fine. I mean, OK, I'm just going to
1:09:28
let that sit there. Please, please do.
1:09:32
Please do. Seriously, where the fuck is
1:09:35
Darren? If this is going to keep
1:09:38
happening, at least want to get him a nice cuckold chair with it
1:09:41
with which to view it all the. Empty chair in the corner.
1:09:45
Yeah, the entire time during this parade there's been an
1:09:48
empty chair in the corner. What's that about?
1:09:51
And and Sebastian, you really have no room to talk.
1:09:54
You also laid it on kind of thick yesterday.
1:09:58
Really. I hope weed the fish.
1:10:02
Yeah, it was almost cute if I didn't, you know, have to choke
1:10:07
down the vomit. Oh God, you're so lame.
1:10:14
It's all right, Ashley. We can't all pick our families.
1:10:19
OK, I I get the shade from these two, but what the fuck did I do
1:10:23
to you? Esther did.
1:10:25
You exist. I don't know, I'm just I woke up
1:10:28
on the wrong side of the bed. I mean you you did a couple
1:10:34
rounds with the Jimson weed stuff.
1:10:38
You are. You might want to seek medical
1:10:40
attention. I Zach said something very
1:10:44
similar last night. I mean, he's a dipshit, but he
1:10:49
ain't wrong about this. Yep.
1:10:52
Come on you guys, it's the holidays and it's like actually
1:10:57
snowing. Can't we just like have fun and
1:11:01
not think too hard? Did I get you all to roll a Coco
1:11:07
roll a FAK? Well, OK, this feels important,
1:11:13
so I'm going to use some holiday magic again.
1:11:15
Plus, it's snowing. That would be a nine, no double
1:11:20
s. I rolled A522.
1:11:25
I rolled 744. Goodness gracious.
1:11:32
I mean I've got a 12, no double s.
1:11:38
So as as this is going on and you are sort of having this
1:11:46
conversation, you sort of watched as a Raleigh sort of
1:11:52
moved off to take this phone call and you will just kind of
1:11:56
notice out of the corner of your eye as so double twos is the
1:12:02
love interest passes out. Oh oh.
1:12:06
Oh no. I move.
1:12:08
So I move so fast to to to try and catch.
1:12:15
Yeah, same like oh shit as. I said this is the weirdest form
1:12:19
of deja vu. Uh huh.
1:12:22
I think Ambella probably knows where the medic tent is on this
1:12:26
set and is immediately calling them over.
1:12:31
Yeah, that's where you get the ketamine.
1:12:33
Exactly. Yeah, and you know, you, you do,
1:12:38
and you call the medic over and. And yeah, before you can do
1:12:44
much, Well, he's being sort of ushered off to the Bennick tent.
1:12:48
Someone's already getting a a thing of fluids going and
1:12:53
they're like checking her pulse and everything kind of here
1:12:55
muttering something about exhaustion.
1:13:00
How much did you fucking drink last night?
1:13:03
Listen, we were out till like way past two.
1:13:06
The bar kept open for us. I don't know how that happened.
1:13:10
Oh God, was it the roll? Mm hmm.
1:13:13
Aster, no, you don't bring first timers to the roll.
1:13:17
Not if you want them to stay alive.
1:13:19
I. Did not bring the 1st timer to
1:13:23
the roll and Bella brought them to the roll I.
1:13:28
Don't know, just. God damn it there.
1:13:32
I might have something back at the shop that could help.
1:13:37
That's a driver. Link I've got like a like a
1:13:42
hangover. It's I call it a hangover cure,
1:13:45
but it's like a mixture of some different herbs and stuff that
1:13:52
do really good for getting your body able to rehydrate.
1:13:58
Yeah, sure. Fuck.
1:14:01
Can't hurt. Yeah, you need a you need a
1:14:03
ride. Please.
1:14:06
Cool. I'm just OK.
1:14:08
Nobody asked her. I need you to promise that
1:14:12
you're not going to let Ambella talk anybody else into anything
1:14:15
else for the 5 minutes that she's out of my.
1:14:20
I'm designating you her keeper. All right.
1:14:23
You. I didn't.
1:14:24
Want this job? All right, fine, Fine.
1:14:29
I guess if I can marry to the Central royalty and this place.
1:14:35
All right. Yeah, if I could.
1:14:36
I'll be your goddamn keeper. Yeah.
1:14:39
Come here. What?
1:14:42
Keep my eyes on you, apparently. OK.
1:14:47
Yeah, I'm going to give, I'm going to give Ashley a ride back
1:14:49
to the Scarlet Surge. And Bella and Astra, what are
1:14:52
you going to be up to during this time?
1:14:57
I think Anne Bella, in the spirit of the holidays, is going
1:15:02
to be trying to figure out, because it's a gentle snow,
1:15:07
trying to find an area where the snow isn't melting immediately
1:15:12
upon touching the ground and trying to make like a singular
1:15:17
snowball to collect and bring and give to Raleigh.
1:15:23
That's fucking adorable. I hate.
1:15:26
It's actually adorable. I love it.
1:15:29
I hate it, I thought. It was going in a completely
1:15:32
different direction there for a second.
1:15:34
And if you pour some, and if you pour some mellow on it, you can
1:15:37
make a snow cone. I and Ashley and Sebastian,
1:15:52
anything in particular you want to talk about as you're
1:15:55
collecting whatever from the Scarlet Sage?
1:15:58
I I think it's like it's a, it's a slightly awkward drive back.
1:16:06
Yeah, it's it's silent for a minute and then Ashley just goes
1:16:12
really, really, Dad. What?
1:16:15
Flirting with Raleigh Asher. Wasn't that obvious?
1:16:22
Yeah. Yeah, it was.
1:16:25
Look, I thought, I thought maybe if I lay down the charm, then
1:16:33
you know her, she could like do like a selfie or something with
1:16:40
you while she was shooting at the shop and then that would
1:16:42
like boost your exposure or some shit.
1:16:46
I don't know. I don't know how this shit
1:16:50
works. I just know that apparently it's
1:16:51
real important for some reason. Yeah, it's important.
1:16:57
You don't have to try so hard. I guess you already do a lot to
1:17:04
help. And I don't know, man.
1:17:09
She, just like you, didn't tell me that she was coming over.
1:17:13
And then I, I. Sent you a text.
1:17:16
Yeah, I was. I was busy just trying to get
1:17:21
stuff set up and I don't know I got.
1:17:25
Maybe I just need some extra hands or something at the shop
1:17:29
to help trying to get. I could stop.
1:17:33
I mean, yeah. I mean, I can ask your Aunt
1:17:34
Maria to cover for me. Like I can stop by.
1:17:37
It's not a big deal. Yeah, it would be helpful, but I
1:17:44
don't know. It's just holiday's chaotic and
1:17:51
then this whole opportunity and you know how much me and Gas
1:17:58
love Queen Babylon like this is. Yeah, I don't know.
1:18:09
I don't know. I just thought maybe I had a
1:18:13
chance. Way.
1:18:16
Oh my God, do you have a crush? Oh God, I can't believe I just
1:18:25
said that out loud. Oh my God.
1:18:31
Oh, your first celeb crush. I'm so proud.
1:18:37
I mean, you really know how to pick him, kid, You really do.
1:18:44
I don't know, just it's all going up in smoke, so.
1:18:49
I mean, she's a little old for you though, that's the thing.
1:18:55
Don't get me wrong, I can see how she got the award-winning
1:18:59
chest, but yeah, take it from someone who's an expert on
1:19:05
getting into things at a little too young of an age.
1:19:08
Maybe just wait till you're old enough to drink at least.
1:19:12
Did sound like they were having a good time last night.
1:19:16
Ambella fucking Castillo. She's not that bad.
1:19:24
She's a rich kid, she doesn't really have to deal with the
1:19:30
fallout of getting people blackout drunk.
1:19:36
Fairpoint well presented. Plus she's dating Darren
1:19:41
Shaughnessy, so like just draw from that what she will.
1:19:48
Bear you. Do realize I'm going to have to
1:19:52
tell your Aunt Marie about this, right?
1:19:54
Please don't. Please don't.
1:19:56
She was. And is she's just like, please
1:19:59
don't. And she just starts like,
1:20:00
sinking into her hoodie, like just burying her face.
1:20:05
Hey, look, she, hey, if there's anybody who can give you some
1:20:08
pointers at her, I mean, she was out in the 80s, you know, that's
1:20:14
a real shit right there. Oh God.
1:20:22
Well, you pick up what this supposed hangover cure or
1:20:30
whatever, and make your way back to the set, and the the two of
1:20:37
you finds Raleigh, and Astor's also there, just keeping an eye
1:20:42
on Raleigh. But Sebastian and Ashley, you
1:20:45
find Raleigh sort of sort of sitting on a cot.
1:20:48
She's got like the Ivy and she's looking a little green.
1:20:55
We had a little too much fun, yeah.
1:21:01
Yeah, yeah. Just a just a little.
1:21:05
This might help. It's, I'm not going to lie, it
1:21:09
doesn't. It doesn't taste great, but it
1:21:12
doesn't taste as bad as what I'm going to assume.
1:21:17
Ambella had you drinking last night.
1:21:19
I mean, it's really hard to make something worse than Vermillo.
1:21:25
Very true, very true. Subtle notes of battery acid and
1:21:31
tire fire. Delicious.
1:21:36
And we'll we'll sort of take whatever you've given her and
1:21:42
sort of kick it back and kind of wince and roll her shoulders.
1:21:51
It's a you know, today is just one horrible thing after
1:21:57
another. It's not over, so lots of time
1:22:02
for it to get better. The phone call I was with is was
1:22:08
the airport saying that flights have been grounded because of
1:22:12
snow. It's fucking Mira Loma.
1:22:17
Yeah, it doesn't happen very often out here, Yeah.
1:22:22
It's like glad I spent some time on the East Coast to like as
1:22:24
soon as sucking flakes were falling, people forgot how to
1:22:28
drive LA. Whenever it starts to rain,
1:22:35
that's true. And you're still here.
1:22:40
I just got back with some holiday cheer and and Bella has
1:22:46
a snowball that's probably only like 4 inches across.
1:22:52
It's tiny, but she does present it to Raleigh.
1:22:57
It's like, I mean, if there's snow, might as well make
1:23:02
something fun out of it, right? Yeah, and why don't you give me
1:23:06
a cheer roll? Yes, OK.
1:23:12
That is going to be a 10. Ten.
1:23:15
OK, yeah. That only kind of gives you a
1:23:19
small smile and nods and kind of like takes it and it's just kind
1:23:25
of like, I don't know what to do with it after that.
1:23:28
It's just. Thanks.
1:23:31
You can use it as like an ice pack or something if you want.
1:23:35
I mean, skin does feel a little clammy, so it actually feels
1:23:38
kind of nice. Ashley's going to reach down and
1:23:44
make a snowball of her own, and in the spirit of giving, she's
1:23:53
going to watch said snowball at Ambella to, you know, snowball
1:23:59
fight seems like a good time. You might love it.
1:24:04
Why don't you give me give me a sweaters roll?
1:24:09
Absolutely. Oh my God, that's so cute.
1:24:14
That is 11th. So yeah, that is that is most
1:24:21
certainly a success as Anne Bella.
1:24:23
You you getting nailed with a snowball from Ashley.
1:24:29
Add a girl, rest the attack and Sebastian's also going to nail.
1:24:33
Her with the snow. Sweater shots.
1:24:42
War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
1:24:48
Big snowball fight incoming. Yeah, everybody give me
1:24:52
sweaters. If you're participating in the
1:24:53
snowball fight, give me sweaters.
1:24:55
Rolls to see. How well you do hold on.
1:24:58
I actually want to pull Ashley off to the side and give her a
1:25:02
pep talk and then after that pop talk she will get hold on.
1:25:08
Let me let me double check what it is A + 2 to their next roll.
1:25:17
So Astra will come over and be like, listen, listen, Ashley,
1:25:21
Ashley, aim for centre mast and huck it with all you got and
1:25:29
then point it in Bella and like she found some fresh like snow
1:25:34
that had just piled up and like hands it to like really pack
1:25:38
that snowball in. You've got this.
1:25:43
Take her out. Alrighty time.
1:25:49
Can you eat a snowball? Yeah.
1:25:52
I did rich well, actually I got a 14.
1:25:56
On sweaters, I also rolled A6 and A5 with the additional +2
1:26:06
from the pep talk and the +2 from my sweaters, making that a
1:26:11
15. 15 OK. Yeah, we're getting our ass.
1:26:18
I got A7. And I take it, Astor, you are
1:26:23
abstaining from the snowball fight?
1:26:25
Oh for sure Astor is still eating this like garbage
1:26:28
sandwich and like has a coffee and hands just Raleigh a coffee
1:26:35
but like her found the stuff. Is also still hooked up to the
1:26:39
Ivy. So she's she's a she's she's
1:26:42
kind of she's she's not participating in this noble
1:26:45
fight. But yeah, it does look like
1:26:49
father and daughter handily went out over Ambella.
1:26:53
Easily. I was going to say, I don't know
1:26:56
if to add extra oomph to the, I guess semi sabotage here at this
1:27:04
point where the local shop, it lets me get regulars to sort of
1:27:10
help me out in a bind and just just trying to, you know, throw
1:27:15
out like a full on snowball fight, you know, whoever's,
1:27:18
whoever's. Outplaying doing the snowball
1:27:20
fight war. Yeah, OK.
1:27:24
Snowball war. Let's go.
1:27:26
You know, we have won the snowball battle, but the
1:27:29
snowball war has yet to commence.
1:27:32
Yeah, you you do you from both sides managed to get people and
1:27:41
but unfortunately it seems team father daughter wins out over
1:27:50
team Valley girl. Handily.
1:27:55
It's because of Raleigh's health scare and the snow is kind of
1:28:04
shut down production for the day and you can certainly tell it's
1:28:13
affecting Raleigh. You don't need to roll anything
1:28:17
for that. It's suddenly no longer going
1:28:21
home for Christmas. I think Anne Bella is going to
1:28:26
try to salvage the situation, you know, melted snow having
1:28:34
seeped through the layers of clothing that she has and
1:28:39
probably still pieces of frozen snow in her hair.
1:28:43
It's just going to be like, well, I mean, if you want, you
1:28:52
could come over to the Castillos for Christmas.
1:28:56
We've always got room for another person at the table.
1:29:00
My sister and husband are. Her husband are coming over.
1:29:06
You're welcome at our table. No Crawfords.
1:29:10
I, I if you want something less LA, more local, since you're
1:29:18
here, always join us. Yeah, Deb.
1:29:24
Yeah, I mean, it's not much, but Maria's going to be stopping by.
1:29:29
Probably Dana, too. Nothing else.
1:29:33
It'll be cozy. You know, here is where I reveal
1:29:37
we are moving into Act 3. I there's a moment where Raleigh
1:29:44
thinks and looks over at you and balances.
1:29:49
I honestly after you say I don't think I'm up for anything
1:29:54
incredibly exciting, something more low key might be my steam
1:30:00
tonight. I guess that makes sense.
1:30:09
But hey, it sounds like I'll be here through the new year, so I
1:30:12
guess I'm a newfangled resident. One of us.
1:30:16
One of us. No, no, no, go back to LA as
1:30:21
soon as. You can as soon as the planes
1:30:25
are flying again. So it sounds like gonna She'll
1:30:32
give a smile to Sebastian, to Ashley.
1:30:36
I don't know. Sounds nice.
1:30:41
All right, hey, all right. Should probably actually cook
1:30:46
something this year. Cool.
1:30:50
I will figure out how to do that.
1:30:53
I got it Dad, I can cook. OK, great, 'cause I'm, I'm going
1:30:59
to be here with you. The last time I I nearly burnt
1:31:01
the apartment, No. No, no, no, not, not again.
1:31:08
Yeah, that probably for the best.
1:31:11
So we move into a scene where we see a quiet family Christmas,
1:31:24
and Raleigh's there kind of just enjoying the family part,
1:31:30
especially because you know she's not going to see her own
1:31:33
family. Also Astor's there.
1:31:37
Yeah, things fell through. Yeah, it's a weird, I imagine
1:31:41
it's a weird sort of found family situation because like,
1:31:45
Cass and Marco are probably there and I guess Maria's also
1:31:49
there. And if Maria's there and if this
1:31:51
is the good timeline and I guess her girlfriend, I, I guess she
1:31:56
stayed with Dana. Now they're just this adorable
1:31:58
elderly lesbian couple. And I think that despite not
1:32:02
cooking anything at all, because he knows better, Sebastian's
1:32:10
still wearing one of those aprons that says you may
1:32:13
absolutely kiss the cook. Of course.
1:32:18
That's a choice, Sebastian. It's a birthday present.
1:32:24
I mean, if not now, when? Anyway, I brought a ham and like
1:32:31
she just has just this beautiful honey roasted ham.
1:32:37
I couldn't let it go to waste. Somehow this is better than the
1:32:43
Crawfords. I mean, actually, no, I don't
1:32:45
have to say. Somehow this is better.
1:32:47
This is Crawfords. This is much better than my.
1:32:49
Crawfords. That the whole apartment's a
1:32:53
giant hot box with. A.
1:32:56
Pretty widespread of food, so I would be willing to wager this
1:33:01
is significantly better than a proffered Christmas.
1:33:05
Listen, I'm coming over here for Christmas every year, y'all.
1:33:09
You're stuck with me now. Yeah, turns out Sebastian.
1:33:14
Can. Turns out Sebastian can juggle.
1:33:18
I mean, work this, work the circus.
1:33:20
That's the least surprising thing you said, Yeah.
1:33:25
He's an animal trainer, but they wouldn't let him keep any of the
1:33:28
large cats in the house, so. Got to do something juggling to
1:33:35
occupy yourself. Yeah.
1:33:38
Maybe you juggled the food for the the the large cats, Who
1:33:41
knows? I I juggled the ham.
1:33:44
And well. At one point Astor sneaks off
1:33:52
all everyone is having a cute like Christmas moment and hangs
1:33:59
up a mistletoe in like 1 of the doorways and then comes back as
1:34:07
nonchalant as if nothing happened.
1:34:11
Yeah. And here is where I come to the
1:34:19
point where I asked, did you all, did any of you complete
1:34:26
your little secret mission? Kind of.
1:34:35
Yeah, they kind of spelled it out for Ashley in the car.
1:34:41
I did not. I'm not sure if I did.
1:34:49
My secret objective was to teach a player to love the holidays,
1:34:54
and I'm not. There was definitely a holiday
1:34:57
cheer and spirit going on, but I don't know if anybody was
1:35:01
brought out of being a humbug into a holiday lover.
1:35:06
That's a player question. You tried?
1:35:09
I'll give you an A for effort. Does that count?
1:35:11
I feel like Astor's the humbug here.
1:35:14
Yeah, too many Crawford Christmases.
1:35:18
Too many Crawford Christmases. Everyone.
1:35:23
Else So was was the effort successful?
1:35:27
For a bit there was also a lot of alcohol involved, so it's
1:35:30
kind of fuzzy. Yeah, that's fair.
1:35:34
I'll give this, I'll give it to you with that.
1:35:36
OK, I'll take it. My secret mission was prove to
1:35:41
your child that you are a competent adult.
1:35:44
What she was, what she was trying to do by getting the
1:35:50
Scarlett's age more exposure via Celebrity woman over here.
1:35:58
Yeah, I, I, I think I, I would say yeah.
1:36:02
But also there was that moment where Ashley had said, like, you
1:36:09
don't have to try so hard. You, you, you've already done so
1:36:14
much. I think that moment, definitely,
1:36:17
yeah. I would say Ashley feels that he
1:36:21
is a competent adult. I however only made one sale and
1:36:27
I needed to make 3. I would have given you the
1:36:30
second one of giving giving Robbie the the the thing from
1:36:34
Scarlet Sage, but unfortunately it's only two of three.
1:36:37
It's only two. There's also unfortunately,
1:36:40
where I will reveal that Sebastian has the most points.
1:36:47
No. I hate bucker.
1:36:51
What dumb. Frock dreaded run from it.
1:36:54
Destiny always arrives. Raleigh.
1:36:58
Raleigh's step mom. So there is, there is that
1:37:06
moment where the mistletoe that was set up, there's a moment
1:37:12
where Sebastian and Raleigh find themselves under it.
1:37:17
And like one would do in the end of any Hallmark Christmas film,
1:37:25
there's a kiss. It's quick, it's chased, at
1:37:30
least out of public. Who knows what happens behind
1:37:32
closed doors? I think we know exactly what.
1:37:37
Happens. Well, and as this happens, we
1:37:46
fade out on Santa Royo on this Christmas and Esther, you wake
1:38:00
up. Fuck.
1:38:11
Oh, what an mm. Hmm, I'm awake.
1:38:19
Somewhere in the house you hear Riley saying everything OK?
1:38:25
No Sebastian in Christmas sweaters.
1:38:31
And I think that's the perfect line to end it on.