Latest / Learned the Hard Way with Kier Gaines / EP 17: Don't Trade Peace for Pleasure ft. KevOnStage

Transcript

EP 17: Don't Trade Peace for Pleasure ft. KevOnStage · Learned the Hard Way with Kier Gaines

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Learn the Hard Way. My name is Ki Gaines.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: We talk about purpose, we talk about pressure, and we
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: talk about what it actually takes become a full comprehensive man.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Learning the Hard Way
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: with me your host care Gains. I am a friend.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: I'm an amateur comedian. Yeah you like that. Yeah, y'all
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: read the title, so y'all know who's on here today.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: I'm a what else? Am I?
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: What else? Am I?
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: I mean shoot and messing up the ad money already.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: I am a lover of honesty. I am a lover
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: of love, and I'm a person who wants to bring
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: conversations that we.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Whisper about in the shadows out to the forefront.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Man, while we whispering, nobody learns anything when when we're
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: whispering amongst each other where no one else can hear.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: And one of the things that's been a topic and
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: a lot of my group chats lately, it's been a
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: topic that my wife and I talk about all the time,
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: has been cheating. Now you if you're go on TikTok,
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: it's very divisive. The conversations or people were just speaking
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: from their own live frustrations they've been cheating on or
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: maybe they cheated on somebody and they having a tough
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: time reconciling that.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Whatever.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: But this isn't really the finger pointing in conversation. I see,
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: I told you this is what you do. You're a
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: bad person. We're not having that conversation today. We're just
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: talking about the inner workings of it. And for me
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: now being married seven years, I've been married seven years.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: I've known my wife for twelve. And it's funny when
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: dudes walk up to me. They'll say, they were like,
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: yad man, you really.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: Ain't you know, you ain't got nothing on the side. Bruh.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: I'm like, nah, Like this is my main, my side
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: and everything in between. And the response that I guess
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: sometimes is disbelief. It's either they don't believe me, they
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: think I'm blind about it, or they just can't understand
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: how a man with access to almost anybody chooses to
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: just be with one person romantically. And I can't lie.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: I used to be that dude, and something changed for me.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: So they hit me with this like how do you
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: do it?
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: Thing?
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: And I want to talk about that a little bit
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: with today's guests and today's guest is a man who
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: I've know him for some years. Has always been an
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: amazing dude. He's somebody I look up to tremendously in
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: this space. I think he is a genius. He's far
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: ahead of his time. The man is selling shows like
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: crack Cocaine in the eighties, Like every time you look,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: he just he's selling somebody something, and I love that
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: for him, nobody is more deserving. He's built one of
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: the most recognizable comedy brands on the Internet. He has
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: grown ass kids as kids, and when I complain about
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: my little babies, he like, I'll switch with you. And
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: I don't understand why he would say such a terrible thing.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: My guest today, y'all, is the one, the only mister
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Kiev on stage.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: You on stage. What's how you feel? What's up? Care?
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: How you doing? Bro? I'm good man, Thank you so
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: much for having me. Man, proud of you. You got your
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: podcast going, you got your good background going, you got
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: your black T shirt on.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Man, I'm knocking all of the ducks out one
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: and these real books cave behind.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: I see the real books.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: I read some of them too. It's funny having you
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: on the show today. I think in the last two months, Bro,
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: you've been all over my timeline for one reason or another.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: It feels like every time you have a major moment,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: or every time it seems like you on this this
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: upward ascent, that there's a faction of people who decide
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: to be upset with something that you said. And I
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: really want to talk about that, but before we get before,
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: before we get into that, I want to just talk
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: about like cheating man, and you've been real outspoken about it,
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: and I remember an episode of Poor Minds and look listeners.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Before y'all start, I might take therapists head off the day,
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: and I'm just gonna be care of a dude because
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: it's only one way to have this conversation, honestly, and
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna use some choice language. So just brace y'allselves.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: I'm just a cure of the boy today, not care
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: of the therapist. But they were asking you, and you
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: you vocalized something that I felt for a long time
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: but I couldn't really put it into words. You were
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: just talking about everything you built with your wife and
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: with your kids and your career.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna risk all that over some couchie.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Couchie over some kuchie and I said that I was like, broh,
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: exactly exactly. I don't know, do you find that to
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: be like a rare trainer thought amongst just men you
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: come into contact with.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: Not my close friend right like, but like when I'm
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: around comics and stuff, you know, when I'm in the
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: comedy clubs or you know, industry events, people put me
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: this side. They're like, man, so you know, similar to
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: what you were saying, you ain't come on, get you
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: ain't got nothing new. Look, you know, you be on
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: the road a man. God needs brother, you know. You
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: know I get a lot of that. You know, my
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: close friends all share the same ideology or you know,
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: or like Tony single for for the most part. You know,
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: men find it hard or they don't believe me, you
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. But the fun fact I was
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: like this even prior to getting married, Like I really
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: when I was yeah, I mean, I didn't have much
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: of a dating history. I was in high school, but
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: I never felt comfortable like you know, when I was
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: coming up it was called two timing. I never felt
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: comfortable to timing or anything. I remember watching How to
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: Be a Player with Bill Bellaman. I was like, my
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: anxiety is through the roof. How's he doing that? Also
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: I shouldn't have touched that. Yeah, but like what's going
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: on with this man? So yeah, I feel like for me,
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: I like to live a life of peace. Peace. I
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: can create laughter, joy, you know, movie scripts, TV shows,
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: whatever I'm doing, I can create from a place of peace.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: If I were to introduce even just one woman more
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: than Melissa and try to keep it away from her,
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: I would have no peace. Yeah. And if I have
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: no peace, I can't go on stage and be funny.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: I can't create from a pure place. It's just negativity.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: I remember one of my took my homegirls on tour,
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: tamon Jay, and she got on tour with me and
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: she gave me what was the greatest compliment. She said,
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: you know, women can tell without you even saying anything.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: She's like, I've been allowed a down a lot of tours,
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: a lot of artists and stuff, a lot of married men.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: You can tell when a man really is seriously about
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: his marriage and when he's willing to cheat, and he
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: doesn't even have to ask you, Like, it's just a
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: certain way they carry themselves that you know, Oh, he's
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: open to this, or he might try something. And he
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: was like, boy when I she was like, boy, when
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: I tell you when I got on the road with you,
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, he's not about that at all,
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: Like he really ain't about that. And it's not even
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: like I'm not even cognizant of how I appear. I
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: don't know, that's just you know, when I'm on the road.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: One of these deacons gave me his great advice before
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: I was even a touring comedian, when I was way
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: back in Tacoma. He must have believed in me, as
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: I realize it now, because I had no touring stuff.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: I've never did stand up comedy outside of Tacoma at
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: this time. And he said, keV, now when you when
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: you're gonna be something? Okay, Now let me tell you
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: what then, how you see Tiger Wood's done through it away,
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: She's Wood do it. I'm gonna tell you when you
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: get out on that road, and that's how you pronounce
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: the road. You get on that road, you go from that.
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: Airport to that hotel, that hotel of that vineyard, which
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: is venue the hotel of that vineyard, And when you
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: do your show, you go from the vindar, back to
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: the hotel, and a hotel back to the airport.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: If you do that every time, you go as far
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: as you want to go. So you start going here,
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: there and everywhere you go. Throw it away, like that
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: diet the woods, You're gonna throw it away. And I've
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: taken that advice. Like I come home from shows, I
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: get to my room, I check in with my wife.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: You know, the only thing I cheat on is my diet.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: I might go to the gift shop at the hotel
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: and get that TwixT ice cream bar. I might, okay, here,
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: if you will get that TwixT honestly, I will. Honestly,
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: what am I lying about? Sometimes I go up in
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: the elevator with my team, my tour manager and Josh,
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: and then I'll be like, good night, y'all. And then
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: when they go to their room, I come back down
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: to the lobby. Care and I do it. Okay, care,
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: And I go and I go and I get that
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: twist scanning bar ice cream and I eat it. I
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: rub my feet together. I say, hey, babe, I love you.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: I hate that ice cream, and I go to bed.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: In my mind, you eat that joint Huddled in a
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: corner of your room with the raccoons behind you sketchy. Nah,
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: it's you know, I think that that deacon, all that
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: past that the person who gave you that advice had,
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: I think that's some sage wisdom. And my experience is
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: a little different. I met Miami after like having a
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: really full dating life, dating a lot of.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: Women, and.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: It's it comes in a at a like at a
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: different angle because it's not like, uh, it's not like
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: I've always been this way. This is my first relationship
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: where I am connecting sexual feelings that's never happened with
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: me before. Yeah, this is my first so naturally, Yeah,
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: sex has always been something that's been affirming and transactional
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: for me. So it's it's an exchange of goods and services,
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: but here is so much more. And when I'm trying
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: to explain to younger men, like my younger frat brothers
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: or dudes that just come up to me, it's like
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to have what you have, I'm always like, aha,
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: it's it's it's you got to realize what it entails.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: And at first, like when I talk to a lot
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: of dudes, sometimes the mentality is, yeah, man, I'm just
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: you know, don't. I don't want her to be mad
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: at me. And that's why I'm not even going down
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: that road. And that that can seem like a very
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: shallow reason. I think it's a good starting point.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: But for me, like even.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: Last night, my wife she charged my phone up. My
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: phone wasn't with me. My phone apparently dropped off the
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: side and she charged it up. And when I saw
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: her this morning, she's like, yeah, I went through your
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: phone this morning to find pictures of myself to post keV.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Do you know how good it feels to hear that
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: and be like, all right, right, she got the password,
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: she can go in, she can all right and listen.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: If you're listening to this and your male partner doesn't
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: allow you to do that, that is not an a
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: mission of guilt, Like that doesn't mean that they're hiding
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: something necessary. I'm not saying that. But to have my
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: phone face up in my house and not worry about
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: what it means for all us to be in a
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: car and then the screen in the middle of my
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: dash jumps up with a text message and I don't
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: have to worry about who it is. It allows me
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: to have a certain type of freedom man, I go out.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: I travel much like you. I go and do speaking events.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: I go and do brand stuff. I'm traveling all over
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: the country. I'm doing a podcast. And I called my
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: wife at the end of the night. We talked for hour,
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: thirty hour, thirty five minutes. She never asked once, who's
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: in a room with me. I can go two days
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: and I talk to her. She's not worried. That's just
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: it allows me to exhale and let loose and just
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: not have to not have to maintain another thing in
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: my life. I don't have a time for another person.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Bruh, sit with loving my heart. I don't have the
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: time nor the desire. It takes a lot of energy
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: to be in a healthy, committed relationship and make that
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: other person feel safe about that relationship. For s'all right,
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: like you said, you you you're on the road, right,
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: you do your speaking engagements right?
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: You?
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: You live very much similar to me. You travel, flight
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: is tiring. You get to the hotel, you do your thing,
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: your creative you know, you speak forty five minutes hour,
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: you meet and greet whatever mis and mingle. You're tired
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: at the end of that. Usually I imagine I'm tired,
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: so and I need to connect with my wife. So
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: I do that. You mean after that, you want me
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: to connect with somebody else? My lie? Oh god? And
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: then keep camp. And then I gotta keep up the line.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: Oh give it.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: I gotta I gotta name you Pizza Hud or Domino's
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: or something under my phone. And then I got a sneaking.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: I gotta sneak and talk. Do you have to I've
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: been in the house talking to people all day. I
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: gotta pretend to be interesting in you.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: Never. You can't do that. I can't do anything about that.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: That's that's alluring to me. And at the end of
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: the day, achi, ho is a couchee hole. Okay, you
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: can you do something, but the end of the day,
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: a hole is hold. But here's here's what they don't
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: tell you, right, here's here's what I didn't hear much
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: about growing up. I'll say it like that, there is
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: a level of sex that you have in a committed
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: relationship with someone you fully trust without condemnation, that you
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: don't have when you are not full of yourself. Yeah, right,
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: there there are levels to it. I don't want to
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: even sacrifice that level, even if I cheated and I
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: was Melissa took me back. The level of trust is
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: gonna drop to the bottom, and I don't know if
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: I probably never get back to where we are here.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And that trust.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: It moves in other spaces of your relationships, not just
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: the bedroom. It's we work together, it's creative energy, working
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: on a project together. Creatively. She don't feel like she
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: can trust me intimately, then she's not gonna be able
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: to trust me creatively. She's not gonna trust me. You
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: lead the family. So it's like it's not worth it. Yeah,
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: and like I want it and it's not worth It's
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: like I don't see the value in that at all.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: I don't see the value in it, and it's not
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: worth it. And like that experience it once is over,
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: it lives inside of your relationship and perpetuity, like it's
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: always a specter inside your relationship. The quiet moments is
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: there when y'all having a conversation and something comes up
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: around something she might not know that question, is there
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: anything that may make you look guilty or feel guilty
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: is going to be centered around it?
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: Doesn't It doesn't really leave.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: And I know this is I know a lot of
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: people ain't gonna want to hear this, but just in
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: counseling couples, Man, it's unfair of both couples. It's unfair
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: to the person who is not unfair of both couples,
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: but there's an element of unfairness for both people. It's
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: unfair for the person who's been cheated on. You didn't
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: ask for this, You didn't ask for this change or
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: this disruption of trusting your relationship. You don't ask for
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: it to happen, and now it's dead, and now you're
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: forced to maneuver around it and love somebody through it
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: despite how hard it is. And for the person that cheated, Like,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: even if you become a different person, even if you
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: reconcile and apologize and make amends, you can't erase the
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: thing that's been done. So y'all be chilling somewhere on
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: a date night and you're like, man, yeah, I'm sorry
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: I didn't return your call. Babe's like, yeah, you've returned
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: that call, didn't you. You know, it's always dead.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: I hit that now from one of my favorite running
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: inside jokes of being heard. You know we've been dated
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: we were sixteen? Is the girlfriend I had with her?
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: Before her fifteen. Oh so you just randomly after twenty
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: two years of marriage twenty six years total, randomly on
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: Facebook the two girls that I dated in the high
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: school that we went to, because I mean, let's started dating
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: at the end of the year in May. So it's
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: like two girls I dated, one girl I kissed or
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: whatever up there random Facebook. Also that was your girlfriend.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: How your little girlfriend doing? Oh you see your little girl.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: I imagine if there was a recent thing and she's
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: she's joking, imagine she had a serious thing like that,
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: that thought would be in there. So and I'm not
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: saying you can't make it back from cheating. I believe
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: you can. Lots of people have done it. I don't
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: want to find out how hard it is. God bless
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: you go with God. That won't be the Lord's testimony
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: from my life.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: I remember one of my homies a long time ago,
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: and when me and Noimy started getting serious, he was like, man,
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: I cheated on my girl before. He said, Bro, I
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: see the way your girl look at you. You don't
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: want to lose that, Bro, he said, I never want
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: to lose that. She never going to look at you
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: like that again. And this was early.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: Man.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: I think this was before we was even official. And
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: now looking back at that advice and thinking now I
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: remember speaking event. This young man pulled me to the
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: side and he was like, Bro, I want to get
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: married one day, but I'm not like you. I don't
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: think that I could ever be one woman. Man, I say,
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: you you think I always thought that I could just
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: be for one person. It's like, nah, this is this
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: isn't a recent season in my life, bro. And he
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: asked like, what is it that kind of keeps me
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: in his mind frame? And I'm like, first off, you
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: know I don't. Me and my wife have amazing sexual chemistry.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: We have a great sexual relationship. I'm not begging for nothing.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: We mutually enjoy sex. I cannot ruin that. That's a
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: rare thing to occur in a marriage sometimes and I
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: have that, and to ruin that would be would be ridiculous, man.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: And I can't imagine doing something. I don't know if
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: you've seen the Marlon Wayne stand up when he he
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: talked about how he cheated and he had to explain
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: to his kids why he won't be living in another house.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: That's another thing, right, My sons came to me one
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: day some YouTuber who I don't know, some white dude
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: that my kids knew of, like cheated on his wife
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: and had like a I'm sorry apology video. Oh that's
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: the way. When my son, my oldest son, came to
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: me and he was like, I was talking to Jojo,
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: my younger son, and he said, man, you know what,
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: I never thought about this, but I'm really grateful that
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: father they call me father. I don't know what the
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: medieval thing is it. But he was like, was like five, yes, father,
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: and mother Melissa's mother, I'm father. He was like, I'm
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: really grateful that father has never done something like this
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: and embarrassed us, because imagine having to go to school,
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: you know, being as famous as he is, people already
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: know him. But they were like, we've never had a
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: thing where being attached to him has been negative. It's
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: always been a positive thing to be Kevi on Stage's son.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: Imagine if he did something that made it negative because
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: we can't shake our our closest to him and it
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: will negatively impact And again, Kiera, it's not even something
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: I ever thought of. That's the furthest thing from my mind.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: That's not like, oh my god, to make sure I
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: do good so my kids get like But after he
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: said it, I'm like, man, what a what a blessing
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: that they're proud to share my name versus me making
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: their life harder because of the choices I made. Yeah.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think all parents are embarrassing. It's one thing
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: to be embarrassing, that's another thing to be embarrassed by
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: your parents. You know who they are and what they've done.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I say riis no cap twin Like they're like,
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: all right, chill, But if they see a video like
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: I did this to my family, that's really really tough
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: and they're gonna have to live with some shame associated
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: with something that they haven't done.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: They had no control over. Man. And I think that's
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: the part that isn't talked about as much that do
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: kind of want to ask about you and listen because
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: I think you and I came in a marriage in
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: different places. I was swinging swinging Bachelor. You kind of
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: like you locked it down early, you know, And I
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: wonder like, what made you know at sixteen that it
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: couldn't get any better than her? I think you said
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: that in one of your coach like it's not gonna
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: what made you know that early?
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: I don't think I knew exactly at sixteen, but I
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: knew for sure in college. Maybe by eighteen. I just
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: was like I just had something in my gut that
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, this is like I liken it to
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: the greatest poker hand ever. You like, maybe you drew
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: a royal flush, and it's like, I know, without a
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: shadow of doubt, there's not a better set of cards
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: that I can I have been dealt the five best
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: cards possible. There's no reason to exchange them. I'm pushing
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: all my chips in. I'm out the game. Yeah, I've
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: been proven to be right about that. But it was
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: just something in me. I just loved everything about her.
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: And one of the reasons that I the main reason
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: that I proposed because I get this question a lot.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: I know you didn't ask it, but it ties in.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: I was like, how did you know you want to propose?
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: And I told I tell people. I realized I was
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: planning my life with her without even asking her if
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: she was down for that. I was like, okay, I'm
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: being there. At that time, I was in the Air
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: Force LTC. I'm like, okay, I'll be an officer in
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: the Air Force. You know, I don't wherever I get station.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: I hope we get stationed at a bigger city so
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: we can do stuff, But I feel like Eve, when
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: we get a smaller city, as long as there's a
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: few things to do on base, she'd probably happy. We'll
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: probably only be there for three years. And I was like, boy,
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: you ain't asked her if she want to be married
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: to you with the Air Force, like you might want
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: to see if she plans on being with you like that,
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: And at that moment I knew I was I was
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: going to propose, but yeah, I think I just I
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: wasn't content. I thought, oh, this is perfect, this is
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: the best thing ever. I don't want to risk this.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: She's everything I want, you know, and a woman I
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: don't need to go look no more, nowhere else. And
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: I and I ain't looked since two thousand, when we
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: started dating May fifteen, two thousand.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: I get the question like, how do you know she
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: was the one? And I actually hate that question. I
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: hate it so much because I don't know if I
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: knew she was the one necessarily, much like yourself, I
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: couldn't articulate it at the time. But I remember there
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: was a point where I realized that if I walked
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: away from this girl, I would end up comparing every
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: woman that I meet for the rest of my life
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: to her, and it would be unfair to that woman
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: and it would be unfit to me. And I was like,
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: I'm about y'all.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: That's it. I'm out the game out, I'm aout giving
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: my shit gone.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, none, Yeah, that's that's But definitely I wasn't ready
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: for it when it came for me, though, I was
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: still fighting it.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: How old were you? How old were you when you
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: guys met or it was twenty eight when I met her?
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: Hold are you now forty? And how long between when
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: you met her? Did you did it take for you
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: to realize this isn't for me?
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: That's such a good question. Don't be interview on me
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: on my podcast.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: I'm sure I'm curious you do that. I think so
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: much different from my story, so it is.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's almost like the Antilist, like we came
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: in at inverted ways. I think I think it was
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: maybe about I think I was in denial for that
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: first six months. I think the back half of that
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: six months I started to realize. I won't to say
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: after that first year.
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: Hmm.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: It was the conversations that got me. Man Like, I
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: was so used to going on dates, and the women
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: that I dated was so accustomed to being entertained that
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: they forgot that. I like to be entertained too. You know,
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: you're being entertained and I'm bored to death. And she
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: was so worldly and smart, and she was so independent,
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: and she has such big dreams for herself and goals
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: for herself, and.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: She drew me in.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: We could talk about politics, we could talk about theology.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: She don't really talk about sports that much, but we
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: just talked about a lot of everything. And that, man,
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: it got me.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: It got amazing, amazing. All this time late, I'm still here,
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: two babies, a business, two houses. Yeah it's still here. Yeah,
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: I love it. Man.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: I always tell young men marriage, house, marriage like, it's
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: kind of what you make it. Man, it's it's it's
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: probably the least consistent sex you have in your life.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: I try to tell young men, it's so prepared for that.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: But also like, the bond that you get is unlike
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: any other that you ever.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: What do you mean consistent sex?
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: If you are a single man, you can have five
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: six women that you want to call whenever if you
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: just have sex. But if you are in a family system,
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: you can't be doing the horizontal chicken fight every night.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: But especially if you got kids in career and bills
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: and responsibilities. It don't work like that.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: Man.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: The nucleus of a relationship is centered around much more
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: or than just y'all smashing early in a relationship, I mean, yeah,
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: what else y'all going to do? Yeah, smash and go
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: to brunch, come home from a bunch of smash.
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: You know, you know what I'm saying.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: But now you know the mental load is all up
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: the dishes, poe, how to builds a dude? That's compsizing
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: of summer camp and who dropping, who off where? And
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: it takes away from that thing, you know, But it's.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: It's waiting because I never would have even even in
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: my thoughts of what I would be like single, I
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: never think I would be juggling five or six women.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: So to me, it would just always be one woman.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: But if you if you have five or six women
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: you can call for sex. That's that's that's crazy. That's crazy. No, No,
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: I get it, that's not crazy. That's just that's just
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: not who I am. And sometimes all you need to
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: know is who you are. That's that's you.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: Got to know who you are and you got to
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: lean into it.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: Man. The problem come is when you try to pretend
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: to be somebody else, like and that's what I and
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: that's what I'll do. Brother, y'all got it. I just
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: like I said, I never was built like that. My
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: mom got mad. Maybe it's my childhood story. I don't know.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: My mom met my dad, even though he's not my
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: birth father, and he had such a huge impact. Oh yeah, yeah.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: He was my stepdad and my mom had three kids
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: when she met him, and he took us in like
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: his own kids and changed the trajectory of our lives.
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't probably have been able to leave a pastor
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: until maybe college if it weren't for him. And I
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: never saw him do that, so I think maybe that
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: just had a huge impact. He was like, came in,
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: it's your mother and these kids, and that's my life.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: And I think seeing that coming after like some years
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: of instability, which not instability in that way like I
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: always had my grandmom. I never felt unstable, but there
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: was not a father you know, I had like my
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: uncles and my brother to look up to. But when
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: he came in, we had consistent housing, we had food,
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: we had chloth We ain't had a lot of bread,
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: but the necessities were felled and everything else with the
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: love was extra. So I think I just instantly emulated
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: that and I never seen him like, oh it was
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: would you been bigirl I got for three years. Because
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: kids notice a lot more than we think they noticed.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: I say that all the time, man, kids.
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: Knowing that their parents were cheating. They they might not
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: be knowing, but they be knowing.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they could feel something as afoot, even if they can't.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: Do exactly exactly. So I think maybe that's why, as
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: I think about how it became like that, I think
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: I just didn't have that example in my life really,
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: and growing up in church, I didn't see a lot
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: of that, so you know, really it was just like
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: a thing that happened in movies. It wasn't a thing
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: that I visualized personally.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: So that makes me think because sometimes, like there's a
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: saying that you're only as faithful as your options, you know,
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: and I know different men have different options available to him,
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: So I wonder like how that how that changed, if
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: at all? As you started to get more notoriety, you
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: ended up on you started doing like you started doing
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: more stand up, You started being in front of more screens,
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: more people knew you. Is it a thing where there's
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: more opportunity for more women to throw themselves at you,
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: or there's more opportunity for women who are interested to
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: see you live and actually be face to face with you.
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think there probably is. I kind of have
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: set my life up now, like I'm sure if I
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: wanted to get out there and dabble, I'm sure I could.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: I was crazy of sin. I'm sure I could. But
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: I have my life set up in a way where like,
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: for example, I don't my dms are closed, like on Instagram,
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: if I don't follow you, my dms are closed. I
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: don't think nobody's ever fully shot their shot to me
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: in like the last ten to fifteen years. There are
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: some people I remember one time, this is on Snapchat,
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: maybe some years ago, and me and Tony always talk
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: about one of the things we both hate. And you
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: know you probably notice it's a lot, you travel a lot.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: I hate shower hotels where there's you can't close the
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: door fully in the shower, they have like the half door.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: So I used to point it out every time, and
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: I was complaining about it on Snapchat and a girl
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: responded to my video where I'm like, man, I want
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: a full shower, I want the door to close. I
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: could be warm, blah blah blah, and you know, you
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: could see my reflection in the mirror of the glass
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: and she was like, oh, go back to that mirror.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to see something, and I was like blocked.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: I remember telling Melissa. She was like, that's crazy. But
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: as far as like DMS and stuff, I don't. I
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: don't have women throwing themselves out me that I see,
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: and I don't engage in that type of stuff. I
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: don't make that content. I don't make myself available. And
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: when i'm working, I'm working. Melissa's with me a lot,
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: but not not all the time, and not even most
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: of the time, especially when I'm on tour. I'm doing
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: you know, forty cities, right, I'm just ready to go
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: on tour thirty six cities. She'll come to some shows,
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: you know, five, eight, maybe ten, but she's not there
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: for the other twenty or thirty. And I just don't
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: put myself in a position to be caught up, right.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: I don't have people around me like my tour manager,
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: my photographer Josh to be closest to me on tour,
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: fully committed my mania's relationships, so they would call me
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: out if I were tripping. Right, So when I also
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: after the shows, like I was telling you, I go
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: back to my room, I'm tired, I call my wife
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: and all that type of stuff. There was some time
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: early my marriage, let's be fully transparent here, kier As
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: Brothers Black Men probably the closest I came, and I
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: write about this into my book Marriage We Hard. There
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: was early times there was a there was a situation
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: and maybe year one of our marriage when I wasn't
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: getting enough sex to me or enough attention really, and
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: I remember telling my wife, I said, you know, you really,
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: you know, you really should probably give it up some
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: more because I get off this attention at the bank.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: And I'm sure if if I was open to that,
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: I probably could get much more than I'm getting here.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: But I don't just is this abbreviated or is just
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: this verbin? Yeah, I was talking crazy okay, okay, I
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: was talking crazy and I was standing at the window
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: like a villain, overlooking and I don't even overlook in
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: the city of Tacoma, which was just one house with
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: a mattress outside on the ground. And I don't even
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: give into that. And because I don't, you really should
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: give it up a little bit more. Oof boy, when
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: I tell you that didn't go the way I thought.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: I thought, she's gonna be like, you know what, you're
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: right you, you are fully faithful to me, and you
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: turn these women down at the bank. Here goes and
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: cutie for you right now. I had it on. I
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: had it ready for you. All you had to do
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: was say something. There was yeah. And there was another
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: situation where I was I was texting this girl. Uh.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: This BBM was popular. I don't know if you had that.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: Is that the BlackBerry joint?
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah? BlackBerry BlackBerry. He was the messenger aspect of the
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: BlackBerry phone and people were talking all it was like
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: to me, it was like another social media, right, It's
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: just like a chat room. You're texting people being chat
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: you being group chats and stuff like that. And I
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: was just talking to her all the time, all the time,
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: and she was in our place, and I remember, uh
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: and I never did nothing with her, It never, it
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: never got that far. But I was talking too much
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: to her for her to be not my wife. And
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: uh see, I cannot pause, kier. It's it's hard to
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: be with an independent woman. Because there was a box
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: of FedEx that I had plans to throw away. She
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: got it in she and she just dragging it to
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: the garage and making eye contact with me.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: Oh, I've pissed Melissa off like halfway once in the
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: eye contact is real intense, So I can only imagine
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: hard and I'm no, it's fine, please, but I know
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: the pain.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: So she was in our place and she you know,
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: we used to carpool to the place. It never just
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: me and her. It was me, my homeboy, her and
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: somebody else. I never would be in the car with
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: her any other one by myself. And she had left
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: her wallet. She thought she left her wallet in my car.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: And to your point about the phones earlier, my phone
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: was on the charger and she had text me, hey,
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: can you check your car to see if I left
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: my wallet in there? And I was like, okay, yeah,
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: what kind of what kind of wa is it, and
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: she was like, Kenneth, call thanks, and that's all my
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: wife saw. And in her mind I had complimented her
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: on her fragrance. Here I came out the shower bathroom
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: to a BlackBerry coming at me eighty five miles per hour.
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: She listened to have a little arm one. Yeah, I
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: duck right like that George Bush mean when he up
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: to hit the shoe to avoid the shoe and it
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: hit the door. And I'm like, yo, you compliment her,
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: You complimenting her her perfuel? What are you? What are
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: you talking about? What's going on? You compliment her her fud?
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: I picked my phone up see the thing? And I'm like, girl,
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: like if you scroll up like she thought she left
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: her wallet in my phone, but let's what's what's what's up?
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: And she was like, I don't feel comfortable with your
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: relationship with her, flat out. I've been letting this slide.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: You talk to her a lot. I would feel better
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: if you didn't talk to her. Hey, girl, we don't
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: talk no more. We don't even talk anymore. We don't
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: even know what we are you up about?
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: You not that I'd be trying to explain that. Man,
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: this there is this thing that happens if your wife.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: And I learned this lesson probably the hard way early
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: in my relationship with no Amy, because she would say, hey,
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: I'm not really comfortable with your relationship with this woman.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: And instead of being like, all right, cool, it's done,
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: don't worry about it, I'm starting to explain a way
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: because it is in reality and in my mind it's innocent, like, yeah,
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: I don't want nothing from her, she don't want nothing
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: from me. And being a single dude there is Men
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: don't have to establish boundaries for protection the same way
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: that women do. So if I allow this woman to
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: be too close to me, what's the worst she can do.
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: She can't really do anything to me, so I don't
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: really have my alarm up in the same way. And
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: instead of just being like, all right, cool, don't worry
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: about that, I'm not. I don't understand you tripping you
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: just think that I'm about in the conversation that could
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: have just been debted right then and there ends up
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: expanding and moving into directions and touching other parts of
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: our relationship that were unrelated, and it gets drawn back
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: into the sinkhole, and I be telling bros. All the
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: time if your wife does not like your relationship with
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: some woman, you got to that bro, like you gotta
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: that's it. Yeah, that's that's your wife. When you get married,
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: your nucleus changes. Where you were a part of this
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: family before, your mommy, your daddy. You know you're not
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: You're not the same. It's not the same way. This
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: is your.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: Family now, this is your family. It's your priority and
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: her feelings. If you want to be happy and make
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: things work, Like I get a lot of pushback on
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: this too, well, you should be able. You ain't doing
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: nothing wrong. It's not about that.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: It's not about that.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: It's about prioritizing the person that I decided I want
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: to be my priority when I asked her to marry me.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: Man, if I want to be able to stalk to
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: those people, then and guess what, let's go there kier.
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: Sometimes for me it meant my mom too, my family,
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: we want you to do this. Remember we were young,
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: Me and Melissa didn't have money to travel like that.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: My mom was like, can y'all come for Christmas early?
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: On your one or two? I think no, no, maybe
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: three because we had two kids, and hold on, I'm sorry,
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: I don't know what year it was, but we had
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: two kids where they were both over the age that
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: they could fly for free. So must have been four
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: or five years into marriage, probably four years and my
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: mom was like, you need to come. And I was like, hey,
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: we decided we don't have the money to travel like that.
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: You know, we're trying to say, we're trying to pay
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: down some debt blase, And my mom was like, you
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: need to come. I asked you, as your mother, tell
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: your wife basically, and I said, I'm telling you that
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: my wife and I decided that we're not traveling and
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: we're not going to see her family either, and as
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: her husband, I'm not gonna be able to make it
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: such a tough transition right there. Absolutely, But here's the
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: easier part of that. Here's where that couchie comes into
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: play in the positive way. My mama, Hey, this ain't
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: no Oedipus complex cool. I'm not, I'm not. I'm not
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: gonna pease my mom, who at that time lives three
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: thousand miles away, and this warm couchie is available to me,
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: but she is cold. No, Kire is cold now because
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: we're going back on something we agreeed on that my
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: Mama said, Now, Mama, watch out. I'm trying to get
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: to that. But I'm trying to turn over that. But
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to enter into those games of things. Given
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: it took those courts with praise bib, I'm trying to
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: I want this sound.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: I got you. Nah, I get you. I get you.
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: Clear because I can make it more clear. No, no, no,
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: you illustrated the point and no no, I want to
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: put my body inside of your body. Yeah, I got you.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: I'm here with you.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: I got you.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: I got you.
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: And I had to learn that because I was I
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: come from a very very very close family and we
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: was always doing stuff. But like you said, and I
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: like the way you put that, that dynamic changes. And
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: if you don't honor that, then that dynamic is messed up.
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: If you don't honor the new nucleus dynamic, yeah and you,
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: then it will be kind of ruined and get a
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: lot of marriages fall apart because people don't know how
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: to navigate their family aspect of their relationship.
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: That's a part of husband hood that they don't talk about,
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: is managing all the expectations that are on you. Because
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: you also got to go back and repair with your
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: mom so that she understands, like, look, I still love
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: you and I'll love you forever, but please don't put
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: me in a position where I'm packed between one of y'all's.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: That's it's unfair, and I think men kind of get unfair.
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: Me dinged for being unable to navigate that that real
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: challenging stance. Man, you just made me think of something
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: talking about warmness and all of that. I remember one
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: of the first male therapists I went to. He said,
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: he said, this cruelly man, and I'll clean it up
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: kind of for social media. But when he found out
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: I was in school to be a therapist, he said, listen, man,
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: if you are I was about to get married at
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: the time. He said, if you are a man and
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: you are to get married, He's like, you need to
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: go to therapy.
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: He said.
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: You know why. I said, nah. He said, because you're
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: going to be running away from vagina for the rest
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: of your life and you need to learn to be
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: okay with that. I had to sit with that for
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: a second because in the moment it caught me of God.
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: But there's a lot of truth to that, and I
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: think the way that men process sex and intimacy in
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: a way that women process sex and intimacy. I think
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: a man saying that is just a really tough sale
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: for a lot of women. But I got a question
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: for you, because a lot of men they frame fidelity
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: is something you got to kind of white knuckle through,
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: like resistant temptation, which I got a whole theory on,
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: But you talk about it differently, and I want you
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: to kind of walk me through why you don't really
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: experience it as a fight against yourself, because this is
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: my take, I think that sex is validating for men
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: in a way that we don't really hear about.
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: Me.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: Having to daughters, I started to realize something. I take
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: them outside, men, women, children, everybody. Oh you're so pretty,
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: you're so pretty, you're so smart, you're so pretty, you're
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: so pretty. Oh you're so cute, you're so pretty, you're
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: so this, you're so this, and little boys. The affirmation
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: is not there in the same way. It just it
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: does not exist for her my wife, for us. My
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: wife can go outside and something okay, raids okay, or
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: range okay. I mean like women are there to validate her,
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: and I go outside and it's like and not necessarily
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: saying I need that, but I see the difference. But
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: such validates men in a way that you don't hear about.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: And I gotta say that, like men aren't entitled to sex.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying that. And men should definitely find other
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: ways to feel good, you know, and have to see
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: women as whole people all of that. But when you
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: are good at sex, it's affirming in the way that
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: you that the world just doesn't give you that. And
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: especially if you're really good at sex, women will start
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: talking trash about me and who aren't as good as sex,
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: and they treat you very nice.
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: They talk to you very nice. I just want how do.
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: You not see this?
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: Uh?
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: Your mind state? Is you fighting against yourself?
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna tell you how. I'm gonna use an analogy,
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: and it's like, because I'm not blind, I can see
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: beautiful women every day on Instagram, just like anybody else.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: All our algorithms are free and open now, so you
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: don't even have to follow them to see them. But
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: a beautiful woman to me is like a Lamborghini. I recognize, Wow,
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: that's a cool car. Nice. I don't want to have
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: the upkeep for that car. I'm six foot two seventy.
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: I'm not even actually gonna be physically comfortable in that car.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: It's like, oh, dang, a Lamborghini, right, Do I want
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: a Lamborghini? Payment? Not? Really? Do I want my hands?
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: Oil change?
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: Oil change? You know that's two three bands. I had
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: a myseriety that all change was a thousand dollars. I
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: went right back to Toyota Tacoma. Are y'all dumb? I'm good.
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: I want to be able to go to Jiffy Lube
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: for my old where they tell me and they can
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: do it. What you mean a thousand dollars? I lost
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: my minds rodick, Yes, fifteen hundred dollars. Y'all can take
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: this whole thing back. How about that tee for the
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: key for a lost key? I need to get my
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: keys done at home depot. Yeah, just cut the grocery store,
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: cut me a key, man. So I can acknowledge a
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: beautiful woman, like an amazing car or a piece of
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: fine art. Wow, that's really nice. Oh that's man, that's beautiful. Right,
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: and I move on with my life. And I love museums.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: I can notice something that's a beautiful painting. Man, I
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: wonder how long it took them to make that. Oh
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: the tapestry on that let me read about it, and
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: I'm gone because also I appreciate what I have. And
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: there's a car that I have that's a Bugatti, that
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: takes a lot of time and interest and all that
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: upkeep that I enjoy. I enjoy what I have, and
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: I wanted to put my energy there. I'm not crazy,
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: I'm not blind, but I'm not dumb either interested in
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: the time it would take to invest in that or
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: devaluing what I have here, right, because just devaluing that,
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: and I'm We live in a monogamy culture, right, This
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: is all a lot of this is culture. Other cultures
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: have different things, but this is the culture I grew
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: up in. These are the rules I abide. Bye. This
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: is also the rules that I haven't. I mean, tell
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: you what's also interesting. We did the Love Howur Melissa
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: and I talked to some poly people and things like that.
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: And even in non traditional relationship structures like poly couples
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: or same sex couples, they still have boundaries and rules. Absolutely,
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: you could be in an open relationship. You can have
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: four or five wives and you can still be like
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: yo that in our you know we had a couple
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: on and their couples like, you can have an outside partner,
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: but you got to tell me about them. You can't
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: have feelings, whatever the rules are, and people can still
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: feel like they got cheated on. So it's like there's
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: no world where you just get to do whatever you
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: want and there's no consequences. So I've chosen my thing
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: and I value what that brings to me. And to
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: your point earlier, yes, I've given some things up, right,
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: I've given up being able to have sex with five
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: different people five different times a week, or maybe to
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: your point, maybe if I had, you know, if I
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: wasn't married, I could have sex seven times a week, right,
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: once a day as a man. That sounds fulfilling. But
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: what I lose is peace, safety, trust, I lose a
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: good business partner, I lose a friend, like I exchanged
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: that for just pumps. And you know, your body's your body,
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: like the pump's gonna feel good regardless of the costs.
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: Don't feel free, of course, and it's not that might
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: feel very different than your body's just like, oh this
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: is great. It's but your mind mind.
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's your mind won't feel the same way, and
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: it's the long term thing. I still got friends who
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: will playing the field in DC. I make a joke,
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: I live in DC. You can throw a rock at
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: a brunch and hit an Instagram model who's a rocket
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: scientist around one hundred and eighty five thousand dollars a year.
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: It's not joking, not joking.
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: It's not in DC to find like a woman that's
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: like a creative character in a video game. But after
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: a while, just running through bodies gets old. And at
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: some point it's just a matter of when it gets
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: old for you might get old for you as sixty seventy,
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: but ideally you want it to get old before your
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: body starts to expire and you start to be the
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: old dude in the club, you know, rubbing elbows with
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: twenty five year old women right who ain't.
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: Gonna want nothing but your money, and they'll take a
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: few of those little dastardly pumps in exchange for your bread.
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: And also in forty three, like here, I think about
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: things like it was a sobering thought having to do
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: your trust, having to feel out who you're next to.
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: Ken is, if something wants to happen to me, do
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: I trust this woman to handle my finances, to make
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: sure my kids are okay? Right? You know, does this
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: woman get along with my family? Is she fun to
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: be around when people enjoy her company? These are all
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: the things that sex has nothing to do with it.
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: Is this person gonna be like, now take your medicine?
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: Is my wife's the type of person that he don't
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: put putting so much salt on that? Right? You know
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: you're supposed to have that soda. That's a person. You
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: know what what piece it is to be with somebody
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: who has your best interests at heart at all times.
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: It's for me free, it is it is. And not
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: only do they have your best interest in heart, them
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: investing in you like that makes you invest in them
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: like that and you grow as a person.
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: Man, My life is made better in every facet because
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: you can.
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: If you just out here giving pumps, though, and you
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: don't know what that feels like, I can see how
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: the downside of it, because it is. It is hard
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: to be a good partner. That's why so few people
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: are great partners. But things are hard. Everything good is hard.
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: They it is keV but all right, Maintaining a good
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: diet is hard and That's why I'm trying to go,
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: guys and get me a bucket. The bucket is the
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: attractive piece, it's the sex, it's the yes.
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: Being a good herd oh man, right, like, don't give
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: me nothing worth value is easy. Being in the NBA,
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: which is my dream. People laugh, But I was a kid.
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: I didn't know how hard it was playing at a
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: high level. What you eat, how you take care of
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: your body, how you train, how much rest you get.
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: That's also not easy. Being a good parent, being their
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: emotional regulation, teaching things responsible for their worldview. That's not easy.
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: Going to work, not killing people, working in a group
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: of people, that's hard. Being an entrepreneur, right, you don't
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: have to work with people, blah blah blah, but now
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: you lack the safety of direct, depositive and help. Everything
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: good is hard. You got to choose what is valuable
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: enough for you to put the work into.
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: Hey, before we keep going real quick, I want to
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: tell y'all something that I'm really excited about. That's my
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: first book. It all starts when you do, and it's
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: available for preorda right now because it's coming out in
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: just a few weeks. Is everything I've learned from therapy,
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: from my own life, and from the conversations I've been
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: having with people for years. Just search. It all starts
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: when you do by care games and pre order your
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: copy today, available whever books are sold. You said something earlier,
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: you said you said something about you're not blind. You
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: see attractive like you see women who are attractive, and
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: like some of my is one of my group chats.
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: They talked about that because like they'll like every once
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: in every once and again they'll post some women from Instagram,
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: like some Instagram model and almost every time she follows
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: me like and they always like, care. I don't know
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: how you do it. It's like how I do?
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: Like? What?
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: What do you think I'm going to do?
• 49:39
  Speaker 2: How do I not do? What?
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: There is a difference between noticing that someone is attractive
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: and being attractive and being attracted to them. That's just that's.
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: I can smell the fried chicken as I drive down
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: the highway, but I ain't got to pull into the restaurant.
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: I ain't gotta walk in, I ain't gotta select my order,
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: I ain't gotta pay for it, I ain't gotta eat
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: it in my car. In shame, you know, what.
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: That's a perfect example because I love the smell of
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: Popeyes for our chicken, but for the last ten twelve years,
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: Popeyes makes my stomach hurt and I hate this for
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: me because Popey's was a Popeyes got you know, a
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: spicy chicken sandwich is remember over the pandemic, right, Only
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: ain't one of those? Only like two of those and
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: whatever it is, Popeyes do not agree with my stomach.
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: Chickens still smell good, but they don't agree with me.
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: So that's what I like it too. It's like, man,
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: that smells good. But it's like also, I think we
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: give men less credit for being you know, I can
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: find you attractive, working close proximity with you, and not
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: want nothing else to do with you, and it's not
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: the basis of our relationship. Right. My homegirl Angel who
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: does my podcast, Angel's a pretty girl. But that's also
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: my homegirls like my sister's pretty Angel so much. Yeah,
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: Angel's a very pretty girl. My taps like they're pretty women.
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: That don't mean I'm like, yeah, what the Marcus ain't around?
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: What's doing? You know what I'm saying, Like, there's more
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: to men than that. I think we don't get enough credits,
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: like we're talked about as if we're just rabbit dogs
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: like shoes in the room. I had to I had
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: to at least shoot at her. She at least tell
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: me no, that's not true. You don't do that at work.
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: That'd be sexual harassment. I know, man, that same type
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: of thing with your home girls, with your friends, with
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: your coworkers.
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: But you know what, though, cav I think it's so
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: many a dude, it's so many of those dudes that
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: do think like that that they have they capture the
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: awareness and they have allowed to share a voice than men.
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: Let me and you, I don't think an episode like this.
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: I've never heard an episode like this on the pod.
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: And I know dudes that will shoot at everything. My
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: whole team is women. I don't have a single man
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: on my team, even my podcast. My two producers are women.
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: We travel, we go places I've never I would never
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: even dare say anything inappropriate to them, Like there has
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: to be more at a certain point, your inability to
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: connect with women in a way that isn't sexual. It
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: goes from being a person that flaw to being a
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: sign of immaturity.
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: And honestly, if you if you don't have the discipline
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: to respect women around you. I wonder if you have
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: the discipline to be disciplined in other facets of your life.
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, especially like I'm not where I am. I'm not
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: where you are career wise, but where I am. Like
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: your inability to have that discipline, it costs you something.
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: I mean, for sure, she scandals all the time, coaches
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: and news reporters, and it's just we see these things
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: and they're happening all the time. That's just the ones
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: that make it to the daylight. You know what I'm saying.
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: But I can't imagine jeopardizing my career for like something
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: so like, something so so topical, something so surface level, man,
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: And there's nothing deep to it. And then I've knocked
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: down all of my potential opportunities, all of my credibility,
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: because in this business, you could be good. But when
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: people like working with you, they trust you, and they
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: think that they're going to have a great experience with you,
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: that's when you keep getting callbacks. Absolutely, and the jack
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: that money is just it's so nonsensical to me, man,
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: I understand why you would do it. I understand how
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: sex feels, and I can even understand being a man
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: who may be under touched, under appreciating his life, and
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: then just having one to look at you and be
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: attracted to you and find you interesting. That's appealing. There
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: are a lot of men that don't get that. But
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: getting that at what cost though, Man, that's going to
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: be at what costs? Yeah, all right, cav This is
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: my least favorite part of the episode is when I'm
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: enjoying the conversation with somebody and it's clear that I
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: have to land the plane. Clearly the episode because I
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: feel like I could talk to you for hours about
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: a lot of different things, man, and I feel like
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: you got so much to offer. But this is this
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: This episode comes a day whenever you listen to this shocker.
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: They don't record pods in real time. I think everybody
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: knows that, But this episode is being recorded the day after.
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: There's just a lot of talk on social media about
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: the whole meat beating thing.
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: Somebody found a clip.
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: Somebody found a clip for you and Angels pod from
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: a while ago, and you was like, hey, you know
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: you were talking about self pleasure. You see, I'm out
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: of town. I'm gonna do it Like that's if this
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: ain't around, I'm gonna do that thing. And I personally
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: thought that I thought it was a funny bit. I
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: thought it was hilarious. But it does bring to light this,
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: this this thing that happens to you, that keeps happening
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: where the people just dogpile criticism and negativity and their
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: personal projections and their own beliefs onto you, and it's
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: just a lot of judgment all at one time. So
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: as a person that doesn't just know you do this
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: person who actually cares about you, the human, I do
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: want to check in with you and just see, man like,
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: how like how you're doing in that space, how you're
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: moving through that space, because I find you to be
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: a very self honest person and just like check in
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: with not you cav the comedian or the personality, but
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: you cave the human.
• 55:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I actually posted this on threads yesterday as I
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: was getting dragged, I said, one day I'm going to
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: talk about the toll it takes on your mental health
• 55:20
  Speaker 2: to be oh dang okay team to be a trending
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: topic on the Internet. And you know, when you're trending,
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: it's almost always negative. Right when you're viral, it can
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: be positive but when you're a trending topic, it's negative.
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: Is it is insane to open? What I mean? I've
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: been dragged on a different app every other month, it
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: seems like this year. But for whatever reason, my presence
• 55:46
  Speaker 2: on threads I keep getting dragged on. Here. That video
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: you're talking about went viral on TikTok and I had,
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: you know, positive and negative comments within that video, but
• 55:56
  Speaker 2: somebody took that and didn't even mention the video was
• 55:59
  Speaker 2: just like a Christians shouldn't listen to Kevi on stage.
• 56:04
  Speaker 2: And at the same time, there was a joke about
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: my name being Kevin and not Kevi on stage being
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: Kevin Fredericks, and people were being joking about y'all not
• 56:15
  Speaker 2: knowing the name. I think some people actually didn't know
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: what was my name, but blase anyway, that created a
• 56:20
  Speaker 2: perfect storm of me being a trending topic where plenty
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: of people disagreed with my take on masturbation. And here's
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: the thing here, there's a few things I want to say.
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: One you can disagree with me, and two I might
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: even be wrong. I hold space for the fact that
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: God might be like, oh, Kevin, you were tripping, you
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: were way off. Without that oh, my bad, brother, my bad.
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: I don't think everybody else holds the thought that they
• 56:44
  Speaker 2: might be wrong. Right, It's just a lot of Christianity.
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: It is like, you know for sure that I am
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: right and you are wrong. But I've been in the
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: church forty three years and I know that times changed. Right.
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: When I was young, divorce was so taboo they almost
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: would excommunicate you. Yeah, excommunicate you from the church. Now
• 57:06
  Speaker 2: divorce is still taboo, but not nearly as taboo as
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: it was in the early nineties. Not nearly A pastor
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: could never or if they did get divorced, it was
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: so damaging to their career. So I bring that up
• 57:19
  Speaker 2: and I will say I'm good, but it is. It
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: is taxing. It's probably the word I want to use.
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: It is taxing to go onto a platform and see
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: Kevil on stage ain't no true Christian. Kevi on stage
• 57:32
  Speaker 2: is lukewarm. Y'all shouldn't listen to Kevi on stage. He
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: shouldn't do this. And it's rewarding, and I love the
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: fact that people go to bat for me hard. But
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: even just going yesterday's here, my timeline was just my name,
• 57:50
  Speaker 2: my name, my name, my name, my name mine, and
• 57:52
  Speaker 2: like anybody else, I go on social media to decompress,
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: to see something funny, to see something interesting. It's unnatural
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: to go on social media and see your name over
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: and over and over video about your name, especially that
• 58:06
  Speaker 2: amount of negativity. We're not built for that. So what
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: has always helped me is having people in my actual
• 58:15
  Speaker 2: life who actually care about Kevin Kevi on stage is
• 58:19
  Speaker 2: a performative version of my personality. It's not me the person,
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: and what I noticed at this level of my career,
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: people talk about Kevi on stage as he's like, I'm
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: a character on a TV show and not a person
• 58:35
  Speaker 2: who can read the things about them. So they talk
• 58:37
  Speaker 2: about me like I'm ned Stark on Game of Thrones
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: or Cooking the Empire or somebody you know, the main
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: character on Polygamists like and where the actor could be like, hey,
• 58:47
  Speaker 2: that's just a character I play. You can detach it.
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: Kevi on stage is an extension of the performing part
• 58:53
  Speaker 2: of my personality, and when people are like I don't
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: like him, I don't respect him, it feels like they're
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: talking to me the person, without any idea that a
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: person is reading these things. And it's insane to read
• 59:07
  Speaker 2: that many negative things about you from people who talk
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: about you like we really know each other and are
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: real and we are strangers. I wouldn't recognize you if
• 59:18
  Speaker 2: I saw you in the street, for sure you would
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: recognize me. But we're not in community. We don't know
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: each other. And here's the thing, and I can see
• 59:28
  Speaker 2: when it's happening. I become a projection of your feelings.
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: I become a target. I become a thing you can
• 59:36
  Speaker 2: use to get your thought off. And lately, attaching my
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: name to whatever thought you already have is gonna get
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: it more traction. I notice people's timelines who go after me,
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: and I see a lot of times I'm not the
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: only thing they go after, but when they talk about me,
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: that thing hits. And like good social media creators, they'd
• 59:57
  Speaker 2: be like, let me because there's one dude, he hits
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: something on me cycle through another couple of pastors he
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: did like this, but they didn't hit for whatever reason. Boy,
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 2: here about fifteen threads letter he said, and another thing
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 2: about kevo on stay did that on line. He's bald,
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: and he did this for like a week like and
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 2: then I saw like I went down. I said, oh, brother,
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 2: you just shooting at whoever. But but my name is
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: catching trends, you know, so it's hard not to take
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 2: it personally. But I think it's imperative to have some
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 2: people in your real life. And although cliche, you got
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 2: to go out and touch grass and sometimes you got
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: to get off on the platforms. You gotta do something
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 2: that matters, you know. Yesterday what I was trending, Me
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 2: and my family went to see Toy Story five. Was
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 2: it good? It was great, It was great, and it
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 2: was a welcome distraction. And then that you might there
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 2: was a beat. There was a beat there. I was like,
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 2: you almost got me again. I didn't see it coming.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: But there's no there's no service at this movie theater.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: It was very great to get two hours of just
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 2: a movie, right. And the other thing is I have
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 2: to accept that this, unfortunately, is part of what comes
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: with the territory. I always wanted to be a household name,
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 2: but when I was a kid, I never thought that
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 2: also means everybody who knows you doesn't like you. They
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: just know your name. They might hate you, they might
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: disagree with you, all that type of stuff. And let
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 2: me tell you what I won't stand for. I won't
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: be trying to live a life that I think a
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: stranger might like this. I can't do it. I'm going
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 2: to disappoint you, whether I'm being true to myself or
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 2: whether I'm trying to be who I think you are
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 2: or who who who I think you want me to be.
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 2: If I'm going to disappoint one person in this equation,
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 2: it ain't gonna be me.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: It ain't gonna be me.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 2: I gotta live with me. I'm actually okay disagreeing with
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 2: you or disappointing you. I don't know you anyway. I'm
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 2: not trying to disappoint my wife, my kids, the people
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: in my actual community, because guess what, people's thoughts about
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 2: things change. There was this girl who drugged me years ago.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: Drug is in past tenseive drag not drug is in
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah moleygo and his champagne No no, no.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: Ascents of drag went so hard on me. If you
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: a Christian clown this and that. Years later here she
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: abandoned Christianity totally made a video about that, and I said,
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: oh you, I'm just you don't like how I feel
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: about this thing in this moment. You might change your
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 2: mind about this later, but You're never gonna come and
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: apologize to me when you change your mind. No, that's also.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: Publicly accountable to the same degree that you are, because
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: she doesn't have the same visibility.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: Never never, and that that's hard to deal with. I
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 2: remember one time this dude called me. I mean, he
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: said I was everything but a child of God. I
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: had made a video about like needing help with my
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: Patreon like podcasting revenue was down. I was like, gonna
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: have to let my you know, Angel and Josh go
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: or greatly reduce your salary. Yeah, and he made a
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: video Kevin Stage just broke but never said that, never
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: said that. And then I sold two or three shows.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: I was up. I checked his thing. He never said
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 2: it ain't dagn Kevin Stage is doing good. Like so,
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: I noticed the people who attack you and try to
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 2: tear you down are not going to be the ones
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 2: that come to build you up. No, so you have
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: to focus. No, so you really, I just lean into
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: the people who support me, because you don't need the
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: support of everybody to be successful.
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: I have a few friends who are very public facing,
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: much like yourself, and whenever they getting dragged online, I
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: just hit them up. Hey man, just I love you.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: I see online going crazy, just checking in on you.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: And respect is always the same, Like people are out
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: of their mind, people talking crazy about me. And when
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: the whole meat bet and thing came up, one thing
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: I told my producer was, man, I think one thing
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: that enrages people about keV, or about even this subject
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: is the fact that he For a lot of people,
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: he may be speaking the truth, that's their reality that
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: they're not ready to accept, willing to say out loud.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 1: And you're.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: Too. Somebody said, keV is saying the quiet part about
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 2: Christianity out loud, and he's disrupting the way things go.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: And I agree with that. And it's because I grew
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: up in this and and there's a thing here and
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 2: I don't want to go here too much, but I'm
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: gonna tell you this part. A lot of people that
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 2: y'all look up to that I know they hate the
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 2: people you think they are.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: Bruh.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 2: They just know how to be the people you think
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 2: they are. That's because of business.
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: You have the privilege of working in entertainment and you
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: get to see, like when we all in the green
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 1: room and were chilling and we.
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 2: Have any off side conversations.
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: Man, hero Is, it's not our fault.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 2: It's far for putting that on. How ya we y'all
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: let pass. I have pastor friends who small example, I
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 2: have pastor friends who like roast me the show on
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 2: a Death that is just roasting, cussing, it's crude, all
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 2: that type of stuff. They're like, Man, I love that show,
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 2: but I could never talk about it publicly because my
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 2: church this and that. So we removed the opportunity for
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 2: people to be fully human. We make them their office
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 2: or their religion and things like that. But they watching
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 2: that stuff, they doing that stuff, they doing whatever. Like
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 2: I'm not the only one who feels that way. I
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 2: just don't care. If you think, and I don't have
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 2: a church to run that I would lose it. I've
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 2: also noticed it a lot of people were Christianity is
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 2: part of how they make their income. They're not going
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 2: to say things that they know Christians are going to
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 2: disagree with, even if they believe me, because that's and
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: that's not Jamaine, that just Christianity, that's that's anything. There
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 2: are a lot of politics too, Oh, it's politics.
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: Especially when when Joan was in the White House, we
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 1: were getting invited to the White House every other week.
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: I interviewing Kamala three four times, Vice President Harris.
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 2: Our first name, who was real familiar, Like.
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: We like that, but it's I got a chance to
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: interview Pete Budhagejit the White House, like I've met a
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 1: lot of these politicians and it's the same. It's pretty
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: much the same way.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 2: Man.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 1: When you make your living delivering a certain message to
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: a certain group of people, sometimes you can go out
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: of your way to make sure and not to say
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: that any of the people I name did this exactly,
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: but you can go out of your way to make
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 1: sure you don't alienate them to a point where you
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: may not be being true to your actual message. And keV,
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: when I see you, I think that you are about
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: a solid four years ahead of me man, like I've been.
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: I think we've been in contact at least since twenty
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: maybe twenty twenty, twenty twenty one. Yeah, and I've seen
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: every stage of your career, and I think we got
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 1: different trajectories. But I look at you, it's kind of
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: like the one who's who got the machete? You chopping
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: down the jungle, You're getting rid of vines and sneaks
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 1: and shit, and I'm just filling one right behind in
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: the path, and I see what happens to you, And
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: I said, damn, if keV say that that he got
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: love for the lgbt Q, I hate community, and y'all
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: got mad at him, y'all gonna hate me, y'all, y'all
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: gonna hate me.
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: And sometimes I.
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: Go on threads and you know, there's a group of
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: people I might hear, you know, Kid Games, he's becoming
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: red pill.
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 2: He's a massage andist.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm a massage inist.
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 2: Like, damn, he got no hope.
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: And then there's another group that like, man, Kid just
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: be paying her in the women and it's both. It's
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: so it's so ridiculous.
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 2: And you're really a proxy, man, You're a proxy. That's
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 2: it in us all that you're just a proxy. You're
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 2: not even the It's like the Kaitlyn Clark effect. Kaitlyn
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 2: Clark goes viral for people who are not watching basketball.
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 2: She's just a proxy for you to get how you
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 2: feel about black people, race, lgbt whatever off right, we
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 2: become the same things. keV is a proxy for everything
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 2: that's right with Christianity or wrong right like it's you
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 2: get both. Kevin is a type of Christian I want
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 2: to be, and Kev's what's wrong with the Church with
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 2: the same thing. And all I can do is try
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 2: to walk my own path. I'm grateful that the whole
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 2: thing about Christianity is about a personal relationship with Jesus.
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 2: You ain't got no heaven or Hell to put me in.
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 2: It won't be your choice anyway. And maybe I won't
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 2: go to Hell. It won't because you put me there.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 2: Maybe I'll go to heaven and you might be mad
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 2: that I'm in there. Either way, You don't even in
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 2: the religion we both agree on. You know that ain't
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 2: your decision to.
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: Make for sure. And I think people have a hard
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: time making the distinction between I don't like a thing
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 1: you do, or I don't I disagree with the thing
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: you do. They have a hard time making a distinction
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 1: between that and I don't like you.
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 2: I don't like who you are.
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 1: It comes less, It becomes less about your personality or
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 1: your opinion or your philosophy, and it becomes about your identity.
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: And you don't know me well enough to not like me.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: You just don't like an idea of me, which is fine,
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: but hey, keep that shit to yourself and care.
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 2: The crazy thing is care. I I've been a church
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 2: kid in my whole life. Kevin from twenty twenty six
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 2: and Kevin from two thousand and six wouldn't agree with
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 2: each other.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: Oh that damn keV. You hitting on something absolutely. And
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: when you know, when people have such strong opinions towards something,
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 1: I always laugh because if you go on social media,
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: you always hear people say, oh, I've grown so much.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: I never imagine I would be the person I am today.
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 1: That probably means you'll live. Philosophy is different than it
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: was ten years ago, for sure. Holding one of your
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: current philosophy is if it's your forever, Bay. You know
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying. That's not in the moment thing to
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: say forever.
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 2: We say forever, And I think we should be living
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 2: and growing and changing. God forbid. You want me to
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 2: believe everything I was taught when I was six without
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 2: questioning anything. Come on now, and there's new information available.
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 2: There's people who have studied more than the people who
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 2: were teaching me. You, so that's actually more dangerous to me.
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 2: You when you was six, you believe everything, and all
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 2: you've done your whole life has reinforced everything you believe.
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 2: You haven't challenged yourself with anythinking on anything related to
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 2: this whole thing in thirty forty years. That's fair, that's well.
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 2: That just fear with a Gucci belt on this well
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 2: dressed because you realize if you pull this one jinga
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 2: puzzle out piece of that puzzle the whole, if your
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 2: whole identity is this, then it can't change. Yeah.
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 1: It brings everything you believe into question, not just the
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: things you believe, but the things that you need to
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: believe are true. And if you peep behind that wall
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 1: and you realize that isn't truth. Now it questions everything
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 1: that you think.
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 2: And who even am I anymore? If if my whole
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 2: worldview is based on this, and if they were wrong
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 2: or misunderstood, and what I taught was it true? And
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 2: I'm talking about people that lived my life. I always
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 2: use this example, but it's the only one. The probably
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 2: the most damaging thing that ever happened to me in
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 2: the church was my family, and and I loved that man.
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 2: We're still very close. But what they did is also
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 2: been replicated so much in the church and I realized
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 2: it's a thing that drove me crazy. For example, we
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 2: were taught drinking instancin. I grew up believing that. Right.
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 2: Remember here, years ago on social media, you couldn't even
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 2: be a church kid and drink. This is what I
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 2: mean by how things change. Now pastors can openly say,
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 2: oh I drink. I had me a little spawine table.
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 2: Isn't even though it isn't even the word for how
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 2: that was taken in two thousand and six. Right, But
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 2: in my family, we was all not drinking. And then
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 2: when I was a kid, I found a bottle of
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 2: Seagrams Extra Extra behind my grandma's and I said, now
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 2: hold on, now hold up. And then when I was eighteen,
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 2: I came to my grandma's house and there was some
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 2: zemas in the refrigerator and I said it was dead.
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 2: And my aunt, who was a pastor at the time,
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 2: I said, what's this? She was like some seamus man.
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 2: I said, we can't drink, and she was like you
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 2: can't and I was like what, No, we were taught this.
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 2: And then later on when I was a pastor at church,
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 2: I mean when I was a youth pastor, I found
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 2: out my pastor and them was like, oh, I don't.
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, I don't tell the people I drink. I
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 2: drink at home or when I'm on a cruise. I
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 2: can really live my life. Are we living our lives
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 2: or are we living our lives? Are you living a
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 2: life that people see or are you living your life?
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 2: To me, there's no point if you're doing it to
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 2: appear to not be doing it. And what's worse is
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 2: tearing down people for something you also do. You also do,
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 2: I cannot do the dude.
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: That's also the tax that you're kind of paying for
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 1: being honest and self reflective. I think the difference between
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 1: you and a lot of those people is that they
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 1: have to keep up like they got it. They have
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 1: to I don't want to say the grift because that
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 1: can get funny and religious spaces, but they.
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 2: Have got to keep up appearances.
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 1: They got to keep up the appearances. When you have
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 1: a group of people who look to you for leadership,
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 1: anything you do that deviates from what they see is
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 1: good or whole or by the books brings your authority
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 1: into question. And if you are a leader who has
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 1: a questionable authoritative constellation, yes it's not gonna work every
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 1: It's gonna be like that Jinga tower you talked about,
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 1: and that bad boy is gonna fall to the ground
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 1: quickly for sure.
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And that's why I say, I'm if you're gonna
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 2: be mad at me, you absolutely are going to be
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 2: mad at me for what. I actually believe you'll never
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 2: be mad at me because I wasn't who I said
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 2: I was. Yeah, at least I'll give you the benefit
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 2: of being like, oh, he really said he'd beat me. Yeah.
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 2: And the funny thing is here, It's not even a
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 2: daily part of my life. It was just a passing thought.
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 2: I was just I was getting dragged for showing up
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 2: to the LGBT, and I said, Okay, Christian people, I
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 2: want to get it all everything. You're gonna be mad
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 2: about me. I listened like ten things in that video.
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 2: I said, let's just get it all out so y'all
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 2: can know where I stand on everything. And we ain't
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 2: got to we ain't got to revisit it no more.
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 2: And I'm not changing how I think because of this dragging.
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 2: I already thought this. And the thing is, not only
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 2: do people not agree with me. The probably the hardest
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 2: part about this isn't the feeling. It's when I have
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 2: pastor friends DM me or C being public and agree
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 2: with me, but be like HEV, I can't. I can't
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 2: jump out there. I ain't. I don't do that. Don't
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 2: be out there with you on everything I've ever said, LGBT, masturbation, cussing, drinking,
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 2: tithe pain. I've ran into a pastor, pastor active active,
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 2: some famous, some regular when I got dragged for drinking.
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 2: Read it. Yeah, but you know a hundred you know
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying. I got when I got dragged for
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 2: the when I was drinking at the reunion concert. Funniest
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 2: thing about that is them lines at the Reunion concert
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 2: Kirk Franklin and uh Ti triple performing were ten times
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 2: longer than when I had just went to the form
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 2: and saw Brento Mars. I said, I wasn't the only
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 2: person drinking here. I wasn't even unusual. Some of my
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 2: some people I knew in the industry were like, yeah,
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 2: I went to that concert on shrooms, a gospel concert
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 2: on shroom sound. Yeah. And I ran into a pastor
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 2: months after that and he was like, Kall, I ain't
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 2: gonna hold you. I went and saw that concert in
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 2: a different city just so I could have myself a
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 2: drink and enjoy the show. But I knew you live
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 2: like that, man, I can't I do that in my show. Yeah,
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 2: he was like, I can't do it in the city
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 2: I live in because they gonna they gonna tear me down.
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 2: So that's my thing. Am I wrong? Or am I
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 2: wrong because I'm saying what I'm doing and people aren't
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 2: being honest?
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's the latter, man. I think that,
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 1: especially when it comes to what we believe and what
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 1: we believe the rules for being a good person are.
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 1: I think they vary from individual to individual. But you
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 1: said it best man. You know, there is who you
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 1: have to appear to be to keep the bills paid
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 1: and the lights running, to keep the people who support
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 1: you satisfied. It's sometimes different than the person that you
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 1: need to be in order to keep your soul sacrificed satisfied.
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 1: There's a gap, keV. There is the gap between who
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 1: you have to kind of posture yourself as and who
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 1: you really are. The whyer that gap is. That gap
• 1:16:44
  Speaker 1: get filled with sadness and despair and depression, and it
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 1: could really immobilize you, man.
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 2: And while.
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you, man, I think I also see these
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 1: religious spaces because I get hired to speak out a
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 1: lot of churches, man, And you know what they want
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 1: to talk about when I get up there. They want
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 1: to talk about depression. They want to talk about alcohol
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 1: usage and drug usage and sex. And not from a
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 1: place of shaming. It's usually men ministries, not from shaming
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 1: the congregation, but for having them understand the fullness of
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 1: their human experience, man, have them be more honest with
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 1: themselves so they could be more open to a relationship
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 1: with God. And I find that brilliant. I'll speak on
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 1: it one day. I'm recovering from a lot of church hurt,
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 1: growing up a lot of church. And I said, I
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 1: just told my producers this before we got on. If
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 1: the pastors and my Grandmama church were like these new
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 1: pastors today who are open and being honest and talk
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 1: about their transgressions and not appearing to be the perfect person,
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 1: but appearing to be the reform person, the reform version
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 1: of whatever they were before my church, her wouldn't even exist, man,
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 1: it wouldn't even exist. So the change is happening, and
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 1: maybe you just on the front lines of the change
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 1: and you're taking on its right and and nogging.
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 2: If that's the truth, then I just pray that God,
• 1:18:01
  Speaker 2: which I believe he does, he he One thing I
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 2: hold on to is God will never give you more
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 2: than you can bear. And I feel like if God
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 2: is using me to be what you said, then He's
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 2: also equipped me to handle it. I got, yeah, I
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 2: got I got a big head, I got broad shoulders,
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 2: I got a lot of pounds on me. It's a bit,
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 2: it's a big body, and I don't want to have
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 2: to take it, but I can take it, and I
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 2: take it, and the same way I needed PJ. Moore,
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 2: and I remember PJ. Morton had this whole thing of
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 2: why can't I sing about love? Because you wanted to
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 2: write love songs, not gospel songs. And he took so
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 2: much from the church for that same way Kirk Franklin did,
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 2: and they opened the doors for me. If PJ. Moore
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 2: and Kirk Franklin didn't take those arrows, I would never
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 2: have held the confidence to be who I am. So
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 2: if I got to take my turn at taking some arrows,
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 2: because let me tell you what, I'm not gonna do.
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 2: I'm this is the whole thing with the LGBT community.
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 2: I'm not about to purposely make your life harder. No,
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 2: but you already got all that up against you. You
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 2: already got it all. I Kevin not gonna make it worse.
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 2: So I if I by living my line. I was
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 2: talking to Kaylen Allen about this on my podcast. He said,
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 2: that was a rin episode. By the way, I love
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 2: that dude. Man, He's great. I b million times. Yeah,
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 2: he's a great guy, he said. On threads, he said,
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 2: look at how much Kevin's getting for just being an ally.
• 1:19:28
  Speaker 2: Now imagine how hard it is for us who actually
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 2: have to live it. For sure, I'm not gonna be
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 2: that person. And I done dead my time. That's the
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 2: crazy thing about the church. People forget I didnet gave
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 2: you thirty thirty five years of hate. I'm was with y'all.
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 2: These are recent developments in my life, some less than
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 2: ten years. You act like I was never with y'all.
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 2: I was on gay Sin, gay Sin, Adam and Eve,
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 2: not Adam and Steve. I did my time. I did
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 2: my time with the hate. Let me try love for
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 2: a little bit. See how that feel. Let me leave
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 2: with that for a little bit, and it's okay. If
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 2: you don't like it, you can't whoop me.
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 1: I expect you to say that you can't beat my ass,
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 1: so it will keep it to yourself.
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 2: Man.
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 1: It's you know, as much conversation as we have about
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 1: patriarchy and massage and the end, Damn, I consume a
• 1:20:22
  Speaker 1: lot of cave content because I was just on Melissa
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 1: Ford's podcast and I know you and Tony did an
• 1:20:26
  Speaker 1: episode and we were just talking, you know, me and
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 1: her were talking in the green room about patriarchy and
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 1: all of that, and it's like, man, if you really
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 1: want to dismantle these things we claim we want to
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 1: dismand to when men are speaking in a way that
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 1: disrupts the status quo, he got stopped throwing rocks at him.
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. It's if you want to
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 1: talk about younger men and homophobia and all those things,
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 1: and when we get to the church, it just becomes
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 1: a very weird conversation. But if we want to talk
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 1: about that, who's going to be the first one. One
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 1: of my biggest issues with the way the masculine is presented,
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 1: it's not enough diversity and keV I talk about you
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 1: and Devour Elis all the time. I say me, Kevin
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 1: Stage and Devour Elis are three completely different types of men.
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 1: We close things different way, we got attitudes, we got
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 1: different desires for our lives. But when you turn on
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 1: the social media, the type of men you see, whether
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 1: it be in a religious space, whether it be in
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 1: a red pilled space, whether it be in the finance space,
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 1: there's like only two or three archetypes of those dudes everywhere,
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 1: and they're all like the same dude in different fonts.
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 1: And I think that young men don't get an opportunity
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 1: to see different dudes experience love, give love, make mistakes,
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 1: give wisdom, grow and learn from different variations like you.
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 1: Don't get to see different kinds of men do that.
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 1: And that's one of the biggest disadvantages we have. I
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 1: don't get to see a dude like Kevin on stage
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 1: who's clearly a love of God and a love of
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 1: church and a love of church community. Say hey, this
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 1: group of people that historically we were all against. I
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 1: think these people all right, I got love for them
• 1:21:58
  Speaker 1: in my heart because that's who I am. As much
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 1: as someone's gonna be mad about that. I can't imagine
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 1: a young man who thinks that you're hilarious and who
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 1: thinks that you're smart and thinks that you're innovative and successful.
• 1:22:08
  Speaker 1: I can't imagine him seeing that and going hm hm
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 1: mm hmm. Right right, it's the thing that's that's what
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 1: we need and that's what we're here for.
• 1:22:19
  Speaker 2: Man.
• 1:22:19
  Speaker 1: So I hate that you gotta have a big ass
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 1: head and the broad shoulders. You didn't say big ass.
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 1: I know I threw that in there. I know you
• 1:22:29
  Speaker 1: got it, man, And but I also I appreciate the
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 1: fact that you've got community, and you got people that
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 1: love you in real life and people who give you
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 1: real life ray j a pats on the back and
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 1: your lowest moments to remind you of who you are
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 1: and what you do. Care Because Davo said this about me,
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 1: but I'm gonna say this about you, man. I think
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 1: you're one of those people that we appreciate in real time.
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 1: But I think, like ten years from now, we're really
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 1: gonna understand everything you are everything now, I don't. I
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 1: don't see another way. The only thing I can't stand
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 1: about you, keV is and I gotta get this off, bro,
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 1: because you pissed me off, man, and I really hate
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 1: this about you. That sweater you wear on the therapist's sketch,
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 1: I hate that. I'm so glad you got rid of
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 1: the septing ring. I want to punch that character in
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 1: the face every time. That's what people think about us. Man,
• 1:23:27
  Speaker 1: I got an old sweater. Man, how many of those
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 1: do you have? Do you just wear the same sweater
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 1: at the joint?
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 2: I have three really good ones, but I have so
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 2: many cardigans.
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 1: That's I'm talking about versions of that ugly ass one
• 1:23:42
  Speaker 1: with the blue eyeballs.
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 2: That's the three knit and I mean it's funny. Thing
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 2: is I got it for a TV show and I
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 2: never wore any of them houses Like now, this just
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 2: feels weird. But when I got when I did say space,
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 2: I said, all these are perfect for this character. I
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 2: got one more for season three and then I'm out.
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 2: Then I'm out of the sweaters.
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 1: Nah, it's it's brilliant. I think that's good. The hospital
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 1: joint was crazy funny, The airport joint was funny. It's
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 1: just man, it's it's all good. Cav I got yeah, Man,
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 1: I love you so much. I respect you so much.
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 2: I looked up to you. You.
• 1:24:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I appreciate your Canada, and I'm glad that
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 1: you hopped on the pod.
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 2: And the blood crack of dawn over there on the
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 2: West Coast.
• 1:24:26
  Speaker 1: But yeah, and I gotta say this one more thing
• 1:24:28
  Speaker 1: before I close out the pod. I told know Amy this.
• 1:24:30
  Speaker 1: I realized I never told you this.
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 1: Melissa had a dating show about four years ago. Yeah,
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 1: it was before Popped Below. Like y'all was way ahead
• 1:24:40
  Speaker 1: of y'all time. Y'all was ahead of the game. And
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 1: she invited me on to be like kind of like
• 1:24:47
  Speaker 1: a judge and kind of talk. And I came and
• 1:24:49
  Speaker 1: I saw your studio. You still got the same studio. Nope, Oh,
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 1: man cav When I saw the studio that I walked
• 1:24:56
  Speaker 1: in and I was like, ah, that was the first
• 1:24:59
  Speaker 1: time I saw what I could turn my career into.
• 1:25:01
  Speaker 2: Man.
• 1:25:02
  Speaker 1: Oh wow, I didn't even know it existed.
• 1:25:05
  Speaker 2: Man. Then y'all had the Craft Food Services.
• 1:25:08
  Speaker 1: Everybody was hopeful. It was so professional, it was so
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 1: well done. It was an operation. And I got to see,
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 1: like behind the social media, like what you actually do.
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 1: I don't think people understand the magnitude of work it
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 1: takes to keep that thing running, man, and it inspired
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 1: me so much it still keeps me going to this day.
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 2: Thank you brother.
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm thankful you exist, bro.
• 1:25:27
  Speaker 2: Thank you bro, and I'm thankful you exist. I remember
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 2: following following you from that video or you was walking
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 2: in the neighborhood. Was it about hope mail yoh yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 2: telling me and I said, man, I like this guy,
• 1:25:39
  Speaker 2: and you've just proven to be more likable and more
• 1:25:41
  Speaker 2: knowledgeable than you then I ever could have thought from
• 1:25:43
  Speaker 2: one video. Man, I appreciate you. You hold a very important
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 2: place in our society. Hood nigga who went to school.
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 2: But still I will have that thing on me. But
• 1:25:54
  Speaker 2: when the young kids want to rob me, I'm a
• 1:25:56
  Speaker 2: stole them out. But it could go another way.
• 1:26:00
  Speaker 1: That actually happened. Yeah, that is a perfect description of
• 1:26:03
  Speaker 1: who I am.
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 2: I said everything about the interaction. I said, that's you.
• 1:26:08
  Speaker 2: If they've been a movie about your life, start out
• 1:26:11
  Speaker 2: with that scene, because that's that's the character, because it
• 1:26:15
  Speaker 2: tells you where you're from, where you could go, how
• 1:26:18
  Speaker 2: things could be. But because I love you and I
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 2: love me and I love us, I'm gonna start y'all out.
• 1:26:23
  Speaker 2: But it ain't what you think it's gonna be. And
• 1:26:25
  Speaker 2: I got these degrees and I know everything, but I
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 2: also got these and I also got this.
• 1:26:29
  Speaker 1: Yes, I have degrees, and I can fight, and I
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 1: have guns. Absolutely all of that.
• 1:26:36
  Speaker 2: Books bullets, nigga, It's up to you, one cav Where
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 2: can the people find you? Man?
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 1: I know they.
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 2: Already know, but everywhere. And I'm also going on tour.
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 2: Grief Sucks is my tour where I talk about the
• 1:26:48
  Speaker 2: loss of my brother through the lens of comedy. Uh.
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 2: We all experience grief, So you're more than welcome to
• 1:26:55
  Speaker 2: come and laugh and experience it with me. Take us
• 1:26:59
  Speaker 2: our available now kep on stage dot com or the
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 2: link in my bio. If you don't do anything, that's
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 2: the thing that's the most important to me right now.
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 2: If not, you can watch my shows on to be
• 1:27:09
  Speaker 2: Safe Space with Kia's favorite sweater is on there. Two
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 2: seasons of that Small Brothers is on Safe Space. Just
• 1:27:16
  Speaker 2: watch those. That's what I'm going to being support your boy.
• 1:27:20
  Speaker 1: That's yeah, that's and listen. In addition to all of
• 1:27:24
  Speaker 1: the great things that keV has going on, I want
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 1: you to know that if something in this episode has
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 1: hit you in any way, if you've been building any
• 1:27:34
  Speaker 1: type of distance instead of closeness in your partnership, or
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 1: even toward the ladder half of this conversation, we're just
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 1: talking about people disliking you and you don't really know
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 1: why you're starting to feel that. I think that's that's
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 1: a real resonant thing that deserves some space. It's one
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 1: thing to get unsolicited information. It's another thing to ask
• 1:27:52
  Speaker 1: your partner and leaning to the people who are closest
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 1: to you, to ask them what they see in you.
• 1:27:56
  Speaker 1: It might be something very valuable in there. But always
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 1: know that if you have any questions, if anything that
• 1:28:03
  Speaker 1: was said in this conversation jumped out you had in
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 1: a hard moment, you enjoy, something you didn't like, something
• 1:28:08
  Speaker 1: you want to tell me, go to learn Thehardwavepod dot com.
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 2: Leave me a.
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 1: Voice message on the website and I will try my
• 1:28:14
  Speaker 1: absolute best to answer whatever questions you have. You know, listen,
• 1:28:22
  Speaker 1: Shout out to the LGBTQIA community. Shout out to anybody
• 1:28:26
  Speaker 1: out there who needs love, who hasn't felt love. Shout
• 1:28:30
  Speaker 1: out to anybody out there who has grown from a
• 1:28:33
  Speaker 1: place of being black and white to a place of
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 1: recognizing that maybe the thoughts they had before weren't really
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 1: representative of the way they want to move through the world.
• 1:28:42
  Speaker 1: Shout out to people who are still navigating their relationship
• 1:28:44
  Speaker 1: with God and their relationships with themselves and their relationships
• 1:28:47
  Speaker 1: with their bodies. You know, kav ain't the only person
• 1:28:50
  Speaker 1: pretending and not pretending, But keav ain't the only person
• 1:28:53
  Speaker 1: performing tenderism out there on themselves. So with all that said, man,
• 1:28:59
  Speaker 1: thank y'all for tuning in and to learn the Hard Way.
• 1:29:02
  Speaker 1: Take care of yourself, take care of the spaces around you,
• 1:29:04
  Speaker 1: and make sure that people in the spaces taking care
• 1:29:05
  Speaker 1: of you too. Till next time, I'll be good, chop,
• 1:29:08
  Speaker 1: well done.
• 1:29:10
  Speaker 2: Learn the Hard Way.
• 1:29:11
  Speaker 1: As a production of iHeart Podcasts, I'm your host Ker Gaines.
• 1:29:15
  Speaker 1: We're produced by Courtney Deans and Cason Alexander. Ashley. J.
• 1:29:18
  Speaker 1: Hobbs is our senior producer. Our executive producers of Will Packer,
• 1:29:22
  Speaker 1: Doctor Joey hard and Bradford, Alex Balden, and Carla Will
• 1:29:26
  Speaker 1: Marris