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Why don't narcissists ever let anything go? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So why don't narcissists ever let anything go?
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  Why are they always bringing up the past?
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  Why are they always bringing up stuff from the past that you
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  have done, but you are not allowed to bring up stuff that
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  they have done? That's the topic we're covering
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  today, y'all. But why?
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  They just can't leave the past in the past.
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  But they tell you to do the same thing.
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  They tell you to do it. Of course.
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  If you're new here, I'm Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist here to give you an inside look at
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  the mind of a narcissist. Not not a narcissistic lobotomy,
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  but the mind of a narcissist. Right.
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  But, yeah, we're gonna have right into it.
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  Yes. The main reason that
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  narcissistic, toxic people refuse to let things go is
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  because they can use it against you.
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  Yeah. Why let me put my let me put my
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  narcissist hat on, y'all? Somebody got to send me a
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  narcissist hat, e-mail me. But if I put my narcissist hat
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  on and I go into the mind of a narcissist and I ask myself like
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  why won't I let things go? The answer would be because it
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  serves me. I get something from it.
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  The things that I do not let go, I get something from.
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  I absolutely get something from. The things that I do not let go,
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  the things that I hold on to, the things that I weaponize
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  against you, I'm getting something from those things.
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  Absolutely. I absolutely am.
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  There's nothing that is, like I said, that's why I can always
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  bring it up. I don't care how long it's been.
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  Anything that has, anything that has happened in the past, I can
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  bring up. It's free game.
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  To me it is, absolutely. That's how the mind works.
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  As long as I can use it right now, it's valid.
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  Well, Lee, what about? The stuff.
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  That they've done to us. In the.
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  Past Why? Can't we?
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  Bring that up. You're not me.
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  You're not. No, but seriously, that's the
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  mentality that narcissists have. They don't think that you are
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  them like this. They'll tell you.
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  It's like, hey, look, you're not me.
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  The double standards do apply here.
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  You don't get to do what I get to do, right?
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  Am I right? So with that being said, it's
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  like as you continue to move forward dealing with this
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  narcissistic person, you have to understand that they're always
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  going to bring it up. Now can is it valid right now?
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  Probably not y'all like, let's be real, the stuff that
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  narcissists tend to throw in your face from the past is
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  probably not valid right now, right?
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  But they're going to use it because it throws you off.
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  Y'all if y'all see if y'all been rocking me, rocking with me for
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  a while. There's an argument technique
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  that a lot of toxic manipulative people use.
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  It's called gish gallop. Like is gish GISH gallop like
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  you galloping on a horse, right. Gish gallop happens or occurs
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  when a narcissistic person or a toxic person or just a, a
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  dishonest person just just brings up stuff that has no
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  bearing right now. They start, they throw you off
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  topic. They have these circular
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  conversations or these circular arguments that throw you off of
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  topic, that throw you left and right and just keep you off
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  balance. It's called start.
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  It's got another name of another name for it.
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  It's called starting small fires like these small things that I
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  do. Let's say out like let's say me
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  and you were talking about narcissism, right?
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  Or how I cheated on you. Cheating is easy.
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  How? I stole money from you, right?
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  I stole some money from you, right?
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  You. You come to me.
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  You asked me like now? Lee, why'd you steal that money
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  from me? You know that money.
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  You know I needed that money. I needed to pay my.
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  Rent I'm just like rent why? Why are we even paying rent in
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  the 1st place like this? This place should be free.
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  Look at look look at how torped this place is.
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  This is crazy. I wish I could just live with my
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  mom. Speaking of moms, what did your
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  mom come up? Why don't your mom help you with
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  the rent? You know I mean Speaking of my
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  mom, my mom don't worry to be found.
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  I talked to my mom in months. My mom get mad at me and has cut
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  me off because my dad told her to and my dad never loved me.
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  And you see what about your dad? Is your dad in the picture?
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  Does your dad love you or your mom and dad still together?
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  What the hell are we talking about right now?
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  You see what I'm saying now? You confused?
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  I know you confused you like really?
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  What the hell just happened? We went from me stealing your
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  money to somehow, some way, shape or form, bring it up your
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  mom. Bring it up my mom.
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  Bring it up your dad, bring it up your mom.
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  The how the rent should be free. How we both victims here.
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  How I'm a victim of my mom and my dad.
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  I'm asking you or your mom and dad still together.
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  What the hell are we talking about?
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  You see, a lot of narcissists use that type of stuff right
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  there. That's Gish Gallup.
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  But it's neither here nor there. Back to the top of your hand.
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  They will absolutely bring stuff up that doesn't matter.
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  From the past. Yeah, they shot you.
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  Shot the past. I bought the past right there.
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  Maybe my mom doesn't talk to me anymore.
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  Maybe everything I said right just then is true.
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  But what? What validity does it have right
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  now? You see what I'm saying?
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  When you are trying to argue with a narcissist or have a
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  conversation with a narcissist, or hold them accountable or just
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  have a decent talk with them, you got to understand that you
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  have to keep bringing them back to the point at hand.
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  Keep bringing them back to the topic.
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  Do not let them skirt off left or do not let them skirt off to
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  the right. Because if they do, if you allow
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  them to do it once, they will keep doing it over and over and
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  over again and they will not stop.
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  Why would they stop something that works for them?
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  Why would they stop something that serves them?
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  So if I you, if I can bring up the past or something that has
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  happened right now and it works for me, why would I stop?
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  Why would I not do this again? So if you're trying to have a
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  conversation with a narcissist or whatever, you have to keep
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  bringing them back to the point. OK, that's in the past.
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  Let's talk about what? Let's talk about the things that
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  are valid right now. Let's talk about you stealing my
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  money. Yeah, My, my mom and dad are not
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  together. What about my money?
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  What about my money? Can you find?
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  How could you? Why did you steal my money?
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  I'm going to hold you accountable for instead of my
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  money. But.
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  What about you? See what I'm saying?
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  But what about the time when you needed a ride and I came and
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  picked you up in the middle of the night?
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  When you When your girlfriend broke up with you?
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  Wow, you going to be like that? Wow.
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  What about you cheating on your girlfriend?
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  I ain't telling her that I ain't tell your girlfriend that you
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  cheated on her. You.
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  Worry about a little money. What about loyalty?
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  What about loyalty to me? What about me being loyalty to
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  you? You know what I'm saying?
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  Why you keep doing like this? Now you see something that you
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  told them in confidence about you cheating, something that you
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  told me in confidence about you cheating on your partner years
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  ago and they don't know about it.
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  Now I'm suddenly threatening to use it against you.
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  You see, now I brought up the past 'cause I can use it against
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  you, I can get you off on my back.
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  Now you won't bring up if you want to stay with your
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  girlfriend. You're not going to bring up no
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  stealing shit no more now are you?
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  You're not going to talk about the stealing anymore, now are
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  you? You see what I'm saying?
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  That's where this goes. That's why this, this has a lot
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  to do. When you're dealing with the
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  person who has this type of mentality, you have to
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  understand that they're going to keep doing this type of stuff
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  because it's going to work for them.
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  Why can't I just let things go? Because I don't want to.
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  I don't want to let it go because I can.
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  If I can keep living in the past, if I can victimize myself
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  over and over and over again by something that happened years
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  ago, I'm going to keep doing it because it serves me.
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  It works. I love it.
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  You know what I'm saying? I'm going to if I if victimizing
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  myself continuously works, I'm going to keep victimizing myself
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  over and over again because it continuously works.
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  No one is holding me accountable as long as I can play the
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  victim. I feel like I can get away from
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  accountability. As long as I can play the
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  victim. I feel like I can get away from
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  a lot of different things. I feel like I can escape a lot
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  of different things. I feel like I can escape a lot
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  of different hurts and pains and stuff like that.
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  I feel like I'm able to do that because I can bring up the past,
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  Bringing up the past. Holding on the stuff allows me
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  to live in constant victimhood, you know?
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  And the more I live in victimhood, the better off that
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  I feel. The more I can be a victim, the
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  better I feel in these circumstances, in these
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  situations. So I'm not going to stop playing
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  the victim. I'm not going to let this type
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  of stuff go because I can use it.
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  I can use it or, or, or I can use it for good or I can use it
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  for bad for myself, not just for you.
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  If I'm playing the victim, I'm not.
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  Only if I can bring up stuff that has happened to me in the
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  past or that somebody has done to me in the past.
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  Not only can I use that to play the victim against you and get
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  myself out of stuff. I can use that as A to play the
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  victim to myself. If I failed at something before,
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  I can keep telling myself this negative self talk that a lot of
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  people have not just narcissist. I can keep telling myself that.
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  Damn it, you know what, this sucks.
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  I just, I just I've failed at this before.
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  You know, I dropped, I fell out of school before.
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  Why do I want to go back to school just so I can fail again?
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  You said I just use the past or something that has happened to
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  me in the past to re victimize myself, to talk myself out of
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  doing something that I might want to do.
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  That's what narcissists can do too.
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  They can use the stuff that has happened to them in the past to
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  keep themselves in victimhood, in victim mode, to keep
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  themselves from being progressive, to keep themselves
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  from doing something that could benefit themselves and benefit
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  their families. This happens too.
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  It's not always about narcissist not letting things go for you.
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  It's hard for us as narcissistic people to let go of things for
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  ourselves as well. This is kind of like a double
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  edged sword in this situation. Like, I don't let things go
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  because I can use them and I can always victimize myself.
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  Now, are there narcissists who are able to?
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  Are there narcissists who are able to navigate this stuff and
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  let things go just enough to keep progressing forward?
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  Yeah, there are some narcissists that do that, right?
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  Not every narcissist is going to victimize themselves to
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  themselves. That's not how it works.
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  You have a lot of successful narcissists.
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  They go back to school. They do things that they that
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  succeed where they have, they succeed right now where they
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  have previously failed in the past.
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  So it's not going to apply to every single narcissist, but
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  there are a ton, a metric ton of narcissists who absolutely do
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  victimize ourselves because it works, because it helps us.
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  It gives us an excuse to be mediocre.
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  It gives up. It gives us an excuse to be just
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  nasty ass people. Yeah.
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  Something happened to me in the past.
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  I'm not letting it go. Don't you don't think that's
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  making you a nasty person? I don't give a damn.
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  I'm coming. Mr. Nasty.
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  Mr. Nasty Lee. But that's how it goes though,
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  y'all? I'm serious.
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  It's very difficult to let types, this type of stuff go.
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  Yeah, some narcissists absolutely do hold grudges.
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  I know. But like you, you could have
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  just said they don't. They hold the grudges.
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  And some narcissists can absolutely hold grudges forever
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  and never, ever forgive you. Never, ever let things go.
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  They might act like it, they might pretend to, but they
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  never, ever let things go that has been that has happened to
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  them or that you have done to them or that somebody else has
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  done to them. They never, ever let it go.
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  And can the opposite be true about it being victim mode?
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  Yeah, there's some narcissists who don't victimize themselves
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  with the past. They don't let things go because
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  they they use it as fuel to progress themselves forward in
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  order to become successful and things of that nature.
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  So that can be true as well. It's not always victimhood
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  victim mode to stay stagnant and to stay sitting around and doing
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  this type of stuff. Sometimes they use the stuff
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  that has happened in the past to propel themselves forward just
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  like non narcissistic people do as well.
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  Anyways, y'all, you know, I hit the 11 minute mark.
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• 11:39
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• 11:42
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• 12:01
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• 12:12
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• 12:17
  Peace.