Latest / Dear Chelsea / Can’t Vape While You’re Pregnant with Rosebud Baker

Transcript

Can’t Vape While You’re Pregnant with Rosebud Baker · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: I'm good.
• 0:03
  Speaker 3: I'm just here in Whistler, just whistling and whistler.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Is it snowing or raining behind you? I can't quite tell.
• 0:09
  Speaker 3: It was snowing and it turned to rain, which has
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: been the saga of this whole season. It's supposed to
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: be freezing temperature so that it's rain, that it's snow,
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: not rain. So when the freezing levels are higher and
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: higher and higher, that means anything beneath that is wetter
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: and wetter and wetter.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Then it just turns to ice.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: Yes, it just ruins the snow basically, and then it
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: gets cold and it freezes the snow and then it
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: turns into ice.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: So basically, a meteorologist snow.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: I mean, just added to your list of skills.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm adding that as well as dog training. I've
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: become very regimented in my dog training. Doug has an
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: entire situation going. He has a life coach, he has
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: a dog walker. He goes out three times a week.
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: She picks him up at nine and brings him back
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: at noon. And then, I mean, yeah, my neighbor was like, hey,
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: can Doug and his dog play have a playdate, and
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: I'm like, his schedule is packed during the day.
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: I'm like, if you.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Want Doug, you have to come at night.
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: And he's like, okay, I'm gonna come at six to
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: pick up Doug because they play so nicely on the
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: ski hill.
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: And I was like, okay, let me know any other
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: nights you want to come get them.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: And social calendar is so fall.
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: He has a lot of social activities. I feel like
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: a soccer moll. Yeah, everyone wants playdates with him. I'm like,
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: we don't do one on ones, so we only do
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: group playing me.
• 1:23
  Speaker 5: He doesn't have time for anything else. Well, you have
• 1:27
  Speaker 5: a birthday coming up.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: I do. I filmed my ski video yesterday. Oh, exciting
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: some special guests in that skip video.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: Oh that'll be new and exciting for this year.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: I was actually going to be like fuck it because
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: the weather's been so shitty and the snow's been kind
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: of crappy.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, fuck the video, and then my
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: friends are like, you can't do that.
• 1:44
  Speaker 4: You have to do the video. It's tradition.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: It's tradition.
• 1:47
  Speaker 5: But I also know that you're reading a fun new
• 1:49
  Speaker 5: book that I just finished.
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: Yes you, guys, we have to tease Kristin Hannah, author
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: of The Great Alone, the book that I gave out
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: to everyone as my Christmas gift, along with Atomic Habits,
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: which is a book I actually read yet, but I
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: heard great things about and I've read the great things
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: about it. I've read everything about the book. But Kristin
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: Hannah wrote The Great Alone, and she wrote this new book.
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: She wrote The Nightingale. She wrote a bunch of books,
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: and the most recent book is called The Women, which
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: I am currently reading, and we are having her on
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: the podcast soon. So for all of our listeners who
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: read The Greade Alone and loved it, please read The
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: Women to prepare for our interview with Kristin Hannah.
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 2:22
  Speaker 5: It's fantastic. It's like her books are very long, but
• 2:25
  Speaker 5: they're like you just consume them because her character is
• 2:29
  Speaker 5: super vivid. Yeah. Awesome.
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: And we have a special guest today which is one
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: of my favorite people. She's a comedian, she has a
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: bunch of it. She has her own podcast too, and
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: she is a new mother. Please welcome Rosebud Baker. Rosebud
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: is back for her second well it's the second Coming
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: of Christ.
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: Really.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: She is back as a second time guest because we
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: loved her so much the first time.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: And there's a pretty major update that has happened in
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: Rosebud's life.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: If you don't follow Rosebud on so well, you should,
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: and you should also watch your comedy specials.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: You have two on YouTube, right.
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: I have one on YouTube, two shorter sets on Netflix.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah okay, and then you have one on Comedy Central.
• 3:12
  Speaker 4: Right. Well, it's on Comedy Central's YouTube. It's called Whiskey Fish.
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: Anyway, Rosebud, against my better judgment, decided to procreate. And
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: when I have known her now for a few years,
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: I've had the pleasure of knowing her for a few years.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: She's also a writer on SNL, so that's actually very
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: much worth mentioning.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: She is a married woman.
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: Who I met because she's a very talented writer, and
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: she was talking to me. I think she was opening
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: for me on a couple of stand updates, and we
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: were discussing freezing your eggs, and I was trying to
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: dissuade you from ever doing such a thing and that
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: it was not necessary to procreate because I assumed you
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: were like more like me in yeah, in really, because
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: I felt like you were on the fence, and I
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: always feel like if any one's on the fence, don't
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: do it with children, Like you should be one hundred
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: thousand percent excited. And you were on the fence, and
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: I was like, if you have any question, there's no question,
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: back it up.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And then.
• 4:11
  Speaker 4: You and I are different in that way, and that
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: I feel like, if you're one hundred percent into having kids,
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: you haven't thought it through. Hmm, Like if you're one
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: hundred percent into it, stop and think for a second,
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: you know what I mean?
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: But I but valid.
• 4:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And I remember you saying like, oh, you don't
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: have to and I and I felt I was. I
• 4:31
  Speaker 4: was kind of like, we'll see, we'll see. And then
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: I rosee embryos because I was like, I wasn't sure.
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: And then I got pregnant while I had COVID, like
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: right after freezing the amber.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Oh so interesting, got a little frisky while you were sick.
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: It was against your better judgment and mine.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and doctor Frauci's.
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: And doctor Frauci's so okay.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: So since then, she's had a baby and she has
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: fallen madly in love with her baby, and I want
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: to fucking hear all about it, Rosebud Okay fro, I
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: want to hear from everything because I know your pregnancy.
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: First of all, your pregnancy looked very uncomfortable for me
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: watching you expand like that she was on stage. I
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: think up until probably like a week before you gave birth,
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: right or was it even closer to your birthday?
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: It was? It was not, No, it wasn't a week,
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: but it was. I think I was like thirty six
• 5:23
  Speaker 4: weeks was the last time I was on stage, and
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: then I went until thirty nine weeks, so it was
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: like three weeks I was down. But yeah, it sucked.
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: Okay, So I look at what you did as something
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: that like if I were ever to do it, I
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: feel like I would have a similar experience that you
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: did because of your attitude towards pretty much everything. Yeah,
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: so take us through it, take us through the pregnancy,
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: take us through the news of becoming pregnant and all
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: of that stuff. I want to know, like what your
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: roller coaster of emotions or if it wasn't a roller
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: coaster of emotion.
• 5:56
  Speaker 4: No, it was one hundred percent of roller coaster of emotion.
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: And it's an absolute I just to be clear, not
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: for everybody. But for me, pregnancy was a no less
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: than body torture that went on for nine months. It's
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: bad when it starts and then it gets a little better.
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: But by the end, I was like, Oh, this is
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: what makes it possible to give birth is that you're
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: so miserable that you're like, I'll do anything to get
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: them out. Like, that's what makes it possible is just
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: the amount of physical discomfort you're in. It kind of
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: like gives you this willingness to just go to do whatever.
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: You're like, I'll cut it out myself. If this is
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: where we're headed.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: You know, which is where you're headed?
• 6:45
  Speaker 4: Which is where we're headed. Yeah, So when I found
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: out I was pregnant, I was like, oh, well, this
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: sort of messes up the plan, you.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: Know, yeah, because Rostbud's career is really on the upswing.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: You're taking off, you're getting the credit you've deserveed, and
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: you only have your whole career ahead of you. So
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: also like not great timing for a lot of people's
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: mentality in this business, right, people don't want to have
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: kids until they're completely situated in their success exactly.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: A lot of people are scared to do yeah, but
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: not you.
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: Well, I was scared.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: I was are you smoking right now?
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm vaping. I'm back to BA.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: You also couldn't do that while pregnant.
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: I decided not to breastfeed because it's not for me.
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: I wanted to debate, and I also wanted debate, that's
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: the truth. And I was like, I've done enough. You know,
• 7:36
  Speaker 4: I carried her.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: You're sober, you can don't have any alcohol or like addiction.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: You can lean on except for vape.
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: Except for this, and so I and the whole time
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: that I quit, I was like, people were like, so,
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: are you quit for good? And I said, from the
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: very beginning of my pregnancy until right now, I said,
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: I'm going to go back the second that I can.
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: And I was true to my word. Yeah good. So yeah.
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: I think here's one thing that my attitude has given
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: me is like an unwavering faith that whatever decision I
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: make is the right decision. And I don't care about
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: people's opinions about it. I don't. I'm going to do
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: what I want to do because a happy mom is
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: a better mom than a mom that is miserable and
• 8:22
  Speaker 4: a martyr. So I am just not I'm not into
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: that and that's not the kind of mom I'm going
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: to be.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: So what was the most uncomfortable part about the back
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: to the pregnancy? Was it the weight gain? Was it indigestion?
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: Like?
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: What was the part that was just so unbearable?
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: It was that the weight of my baby caused my hips.
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: There's a joint that connects your pelvis in the front,
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: and the weight of my baby was such that and
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: because your ligaments loosen up in pregnancy, my hips actually
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: split and so it just felt like hit. My entire
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: pelvis felt like a barrel of loose bone. So by
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: the end of my pregnancy, I truly couldn't walk. And
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: the worst part about it was that they had no solution.
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: I went in and I was like, Hey, it feels
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: like my pussy's gonna fall out of my asshole and
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: I need something for this, and they were like support, Yeah.
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: They said, well, you could just tape your hips together
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: with this disgusting elastic underwear that's just medical underwear. So
• 9:29
  Speaker 4: not only did I feel less sexy than I'd ever
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: felt in my life, they also added medical underwear to
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: that equation, which made it not the most glowing I've
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: ever felt, you know, and you know there are women
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: that glow during pregnancy. I was not one of those women.
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: It doesn't look good on me, it doesn't feel good
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: on me. I fucking hated it from beginning to end.
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: But by the time it was over, I was like,
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: this was one hundred percent worth it. I love my baby.
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: It took some time. It wasn't a meeting.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: Yes, okay, tell us about that.
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: I mean I it didn't take some time to love her.
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: I loved her the second. It was weird, like I
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: would have died for her, but I couldn't tell you
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: why because she didn't do anything, like she was truly
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: like a blob. And it's like having a pet turtle.
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: For a while, you're just kind of staring at them
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: and they don't do anything, and you're like, did I
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: I ruined my life? I ruined my life and I
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: don't know what I'm doing and I liked my life before,
• 10:32
  Speaker 4: and what have I done? And then one day they
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: smile at you, and it's like the whole thing changes. Now.
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: It feels like I have Seltzer in my veins when
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: I think about her. That's how much I love her,
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: And I get excited to go home which was not
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: the case when it was just a husband. Okay, I
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: mean it's like, now I get excited. I'm so pumped
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: I get to talk to her. She smiles back at me,
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: like every day, it's a new thing. But for a while,
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: it was really rough. And I was nervous about that
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: time because I was like I knew it was coming,
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: Like I knew that when she was here, I was
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: going to have a real identity crisis that I wasn't
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: that nothing could have prepared me for. And so while
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: it was happening, even being aware of it didn't help.
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: Like I was just like, oh my god. And plus
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: I was so raw. You're just an open wound walking around.
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: Did you have a natural childbirth or did you get
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: an epidural? I mean, I don't know, you're sober. I
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: don't know what the rules are. I'll assume you could
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: get the one time drugs are legally allowed to get
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: in your body.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Yet that you would take that.
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: Opportunity obvious, Okay, I said to the doctor's I don't
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: want to push for one fucking second. I said, I
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: I'm calling to schedule acy section. I was twenty weeks
• 11:56
  Speaker 4: when I called scheduleacy section and they were like, well,
• 11:59
  Speaker 4: you could give birth naturally, and I said, I have
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: no interest. I want to know when I'm giving birth.
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: I want there to be a deadline and I want
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: to go in there and I want a full spinal tap.
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: I just want you to present my baby like a
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: bottle of wine and just say here she is. And
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: it was really lovely. I mean, I really really loved
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: my labor. It was like I went in, I laid down,
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: they gave me a baby, and then I was paralyzed
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: for three days and it was fantastic.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: That's perfect.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: That sounds like a procedure I would want without the
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: end result being a baby.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: Though.
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: Yes, you know, like I want to get a spinal tap,
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: I want to be in bed in a hospital for
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: three days getting drugs and yeah, like all the way
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: all of that sounds I wouldn't even mind, like a
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: cician scar. Yeah, if I had to get that in
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: exchange for all of the supplies that they were giving me,
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: it was worth it.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: Well, we're going to take a break. We'll be right back,
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: and we're back.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: So Andy is her husband, and I always find it
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: very interesting how everyone spouses are surprised by each other's
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: reactions behavior and parenting.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: When a baby comes on the scene.
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so are you surprised by Andy? Tell me about
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: his reaction and everything.
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: I'm not surprised, but I mean because it's so it's
• 13:27
  Speaker 4: so what you would kind of expect from with our dynamic.
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: Like I was so nervous about getting like postpartum depression,
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: postpartum anxiety, and then he, being so supportive, decided to
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: get it for me. And he got the postpartum anxiety
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: and was fully checking to see if she was breathing
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: every five seconds, was scared to like zip up her
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: onesie all the way because he thought it was gonna
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: choke her. I'm like, it's this is how they're designed,
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: and all of that sounds like totally fine until you're
• 14:03
  Speaker 4: putting the baby in the car seat and he's like, well,
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: leave it a little loose because it could kill her.
• 14:07
  Speaker 4: I'm like, you don't want to like invalidate how he's feeling,
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: but at the same time, how he's feeling is insane,
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: not valid, is not valid, So you're like, what do
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: I do here? And plus I felt a little jealous
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: because I was like, this is kind of like my
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: time to be crazy, Like I have like full carte
• 14:26
  Speaker 4: blanche to be insane right now, and you're like taking
• 14:29
  Speaker 4: that from me. So I had my own feelings about
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: that as well, you know where I had to work through,
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: Like it's like this asshole.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: Is so synthrobbing my postpart of experience.
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: Yes, and how quickly did you go back to work
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: after you had the baby?
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: What's your baby's name again, Mino Minno?
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: I was gonna say Willow, but that's my other friend's baby, okay, Mino, Yeah,
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: Oh that's cute.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: What's her middle name?
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: Baker? Because I was like, if I she's named after
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: my favorite aunt. And I was like, if I give
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: her the name Minno, I can't give her like a
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: anything after that is like a Wes Anderson movie, you
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: know what I mean. Like I was like, you can't
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: do like Minno Penelope. It's got to be something hard
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: after Minno. So solid, I was like, Minno Baker haynes
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: Is that's her full name.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: That's a cool name.
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: It's yeah.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: So what have you discovered about yourself as a mother.
• 15:27
  Speaker 4: I guess I'm still kind of discovering it, Like I
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: don't really know yet. I'm still figuring that out, I'll
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: say what I think I'm doing right, which is that
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: when I'm with her, I'm one hundred percent with her,
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: Like I don't look at my phone, I don't mess
• 15:43
  Speaker 4: with work. I'm just like with her one hundred percent.
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: And I love watching her grow up. Like I'm not
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: someone who like I don't feel sad when she grows
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: out of something. I'm like excited to see her because
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: who she is, and like I don't have this kind
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: of nervousness that I feel like a lot of parents
• 16:06
  Speaker 4: have about her growing up. I'm excited. I'm genuinely excited
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: for it, and I'm excited to see her become who
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: she is. On the other hand, I went back to
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: work after six weeks, and some people say, like, that's
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: not a lot of time. To me, it's a lot
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: of time. I wanted to start using my brain again
• 16:27
  Speaker 4: for other things besides like changing her diaper. And so
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: the result of that is, like I do worry all
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: the time that she's gonna think Andy is her mom.
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: I am constantly worried, Like I look in her eyes
• 16:44
  Speaker 4: to see if she thinks I'm like her dad's girlfriend.
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: Do you know what I mean? Like it's I feel
• 16:50
  Speaker 4: genuine anxiety about the time that I spend away from
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: her and how that is affecting her, and I worry
• 16:57
  Speaker 4: about that all the time, Like I keep trying to remember,
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: like how I felt about this stuff before I had
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: a kid, which is like, she's a baby. It's gonna
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: be fine. You're her mom, There's nothing that's going to
• 17:09
  Speaker 4: break that, like bond. You're good. I just try not
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: to overthink things.
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: And has anything about your behavior since you had a
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: child surprised you.
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: No, I mean I am surprised by how much I
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: love her, Like I was prepared for the stuff that
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: is bad, I'm prepared for. I've been sleep deprived, I've
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: done things that I thought were impossible. Honestly, I've had
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: a puppy, and that is harder, Like having a puppy
• 17:36
  Speaker 4: is harder than having a baby. Puppies can run, they
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: are born knowing how to run, and babies can't. So
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: the sleep deprivation is tough. But out of the two,
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: I'm like, that was probably tougher for us. So it's
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: just been like amazing to me how much I love her.
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I wasn't prepared for the good stuff I
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: really wasn't.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: And so when you have questions already saying like do
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: you have people to go to? Like who do you
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: go to? Do you go to your mom or any friends?
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: I mean, I talked to Rachel Fine seeing a lot
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: because Rachel's a comic with a kid. And it's weird
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: because I feel outside of comics in a way now
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: that I didn't before. But I also feel outside of
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: moms in a way that I didn't expect to because
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: I'm like, you know, I don't get excited about decorations
• 18:25
  Speaker 4: for Halloween. It's not something that I'm like excited about.
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: So there's things about like being a mom that I
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: feel distant from. So I just go to people who
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: are comics with kids, you know, that I feel close to,
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: and there's not a lot of them. So yeah, it's
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: that there's not a ton of questions that I have.
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: The only things that I'm like really concerned about are
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: like I'm like, hey, I'm crying more than I used to.
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: What's that about? And people are like, yeah, that's pretty normal, Rosebud.
• 18:56
  Speaker 4: It's not like you don't need to be concerned about that.
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: But I wasn't a big crier before. So that's kind
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: of odd.
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: And what about your relationship with Andy? Has that brought
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: you guys closer together?
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: Because you've produced this thing.
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: It's brought us closer in a major way. It's challenged
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: our relationship in a huge way. It's it's very difficult
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: at this stage that we're in not to constantly be
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: fighting about who's doing more. You know. That's like a
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: thing where you're just like why did this? And then
• 19:30
  Speaker 4: why did this? And I found myself being like, you're
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: keeping score, but so was I. You know, I had
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: like a score I had, I had a tallly of
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: all the times he'd kept score. So I was like,
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: I'm telling him not to keep score while keeping a
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: tallly of all the times that he's done it, Which
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: is we're both doing more than we thought we were
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: capable of. And you definitely start to feel resentful about it.
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: But you have to you literally have to fight that
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: urge to like be like it wasn't like this before,
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: and it's like, yeah, no shit, dumbass, it's never going
• 20:06
  Speaker 4: to be the same, you know. So that's been tough.
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: But it also is like I look at him and
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: I'm like, holy shit, everything that I've made fun of
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: him for for years, like being so sensitive and so
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: like caring. I'm like, there's no one in the world
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: that if I was going to have a kid, I
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: chose absolutely the right person advocate with. And also if
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: I weren't with him, this wouldn't be possible, Like this
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: would not be possible. So yeah, there's that. I mean,
• 20:38
  Speaker 4: that's not funny, but it's that's the story, you know
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: what I mean.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: No, I love it.
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: I think it's always Yeah, I think it's always so
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: fascinating how people react to it.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: People always describe.
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: It as like your heart expanding to this degree of
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: you don't even know you have this capacity to love.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: I have a new puppy and I'm like, wow, I
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: didn't know I had the capacity to actually take to.
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: Walks because my dogs don't fucking walk stand there. I've
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: never I always have rescues so they're always old quick,
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: And now I have a nine month old puppy and
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: I'm like seeing myself. I'm like, I'm taking him to
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: the doggie park, Like I would never take them to
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: the doggy park because.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: They don't do anything at the doggy park.
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, oh, Mike and I'm talking about a
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: dog and I'm like, oh my god.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm my bandwidth.
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: Is greater now because if he has such high energy
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: and I want to support that. Yeah, I'm like, look
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: at you cruising in a motherhood for this seventh time
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: as a dog owner. But I can only imagine, you know,
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: that's on a obviously different level. But like I can
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: only imagine when people talk about your heart expanding and
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: your capacity to like love someone so much, that's got
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: to be the best feeling in the world.
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: It is. It's funny because I used to hear that
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: all the time, Like before I had kids, I used
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: to hear, oh, yeah, loving a dog is different than
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: loving it, And I'm like, it's not, though, I feel
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: like love is love is love is love, you know
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: what I mean. Like when I think about my pitbull Alabama,
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: and there's certain dogs you know that you have like
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: that like real strong connection with and this was like
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: my soul dog, and I think about her, and I'm like, yeah,
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: it was the same level. It was the same level
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: of love that I feel now that I felt then.
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: I truly like love them both the same. So I
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: don't really think it's like a different thing, you know.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: Right, you would you could jump in front of a
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: car for both of them too. I would like your
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: degree of commitment is the same, right.
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly. To be honest, it's funny. I was like
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: thinking about it. It was like a few days after
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: Minna was born, and I was like walking her across
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: the street, and I thought, if a car came and
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: hit us right now, what would what would I do?
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: And literally my first thought was, well, my body would
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: turn into metal and the car would flip over. Like
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: I literally was like, I just that was what I thought.
• 22:56
  Speaker 4: It like took me a second to be like, oh,
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: that's not physically possible.
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: But and what's your SNL schedule these days? Like do
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: you did you have to adjust that? Because I know
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: you work crazy hours there you all do?
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I haven't. I haven't really adjusted the schedule. I don't.
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: I mean I took those six weeks off, but I
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: I work the same hours that I did before. You know,
• 23:18
  Speaker 4: and I have a nanny. So it's that makes me lucky,
• 23:23
  Speaker 4: you know.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: Is Mateo your nanny?
• 23:25
  Speaker 4: Yeah? No, Mateo won't hold the baby. Mateo has come
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: over so many times and and and just sits next
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: to the baby, and I'm like, he's like, well, when
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: she can hold up her head, then I'll then I'll
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: then I'll hold her. But he's like, it scares the
• 23:40
  Speaker 4: shit out of me.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: Then I'll engauge.
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 23:43
  Speaker 5: My dad always says that he's like when they're out
• 23:45
  Speaker 5: of the slug stage, like six months, like past six months,
• 23:48
  Speaker 5: he's interested.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: But before that he's like no, no, no, no thanks.
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, Honestly, I'm kind of the same. I was not.
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: I'm not really like a newborn gal. They don't do
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: it for me until their eyes are open and they're laughing.
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: That's when it gets interesting.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: I mean it's almost pathetic how useless they are in
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: the beginning. It is defenseless and useless, like it's just
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: like a blood like they have to be kept alive.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like, wow, they're like a slug.
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: I know, it's crazy. They're not even supposed to be
• 24:20
  Speaker 4: out of the womb for like another It's like human
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: beings just can't physically carry a baby for as long
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: as we're supposed to, which is why they call that
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: the fourth trimester is like those three months after they're
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: born that they're just they're not fully cooked like they
• 24:36
  Speaker 4: they have to finish cooking outside of the womb basically,
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: and it shows.
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: Was your mom there with you and helping you in
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: the beginning, Yes, my mom, My mom was there.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and that was that very helpful to you.
• 24:48
  Speaker 4: It was so helpful. And at the same time, it's like,
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: your mom is there, so it's so helpful and it's
• 24:55
  Speaker 4: so hard, and then they leave and you're like who
• 24:59
  Speaker 4: But then you watch them walk away and you're like sobbing.
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: It's just very complicated, you know.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: Ye, Yeah, your mom is present on my Instagram page
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: a lot.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: I noticed her comments a lot, so we've cultivated an
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: online friendship.
• 25:11
  Speaker 4: How does she what does she say?
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: That's none of your business, Rosebudden, It's really none of
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: your business.
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: Is she? Is she so supportive? Is she like, oh.
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: She's a sweetheart? Yeah, she seems I she's somebody. I'm
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: interested in her. I love parents. I'm always interested in parents,
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: and she seems like she's off in the right kind
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: of way.
• 25:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, she really is. She's the most earnest person. It's
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: crazy that I came from her. I'm always just like,
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: how am I your daughter? She's like a golden retriever
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: and I'm like the angel of Death and I.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: Know, I know, it's very funny. Isn't that so interesting?
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: It's so odd to me?
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: My mother was so shy. My mother was so demure,
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: she was like ladylike, and she was horrified by me
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: in my presence.
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: She was like, what are you are you? Are you
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: a man?
• 25:58
  Speaker 4: Like? What? What is that? Like?
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: She had never seen a girl talk like me, or
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: act like me, or be so like a loud mouth.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: And my mom was always just in like, not disgusted
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: or repelled, more like shocked than I was of her.
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: Yes, Like She's like.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: How did you come out of me?
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, I don't know, bitch, but I'm here
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: and let's get down to business. And she was just
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: I remember she once found something like I guess it
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: was a hair, I mean, something gross in her salad.
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: We were at the Olive Garden in New Jersey and
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: that was already you know, traumatizing growing up by an
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: olive garden. And when she found the hair in her salad,
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: I remember calling the waitress over to get rid of
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: the salad and my mom was like, no, no, and
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: I was like, nine, I'm excuse me she found a
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: hair and my mom was like, no, no, it's okay,
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: don't say anything, don't say anything. I was like, I
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: was like advocating for her. And I realized then I
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: was like.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: Oh god, we are not on the same page at all.
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: But it's so interesting to see that, Like, I wonder
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: how that will be with minnow.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: You know, she's gonna be a reflection of you and
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: or the complete opposite of you.
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: I know, I wonder about that too. I'm really curious
• 27:05
  Speaker 4: to find out. My mom and I we went on
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: you know, I took her to Italy on a trip
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: while I was pregnant.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: Yes, how was that?
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: It was so funny because here I am, I'm like,
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: I'm in my second trimester. I'm walking around Italy with
• 27:17
  Speaker 4: my mother, and my mom is she's a painter. So
• 27:20
  Speaker 4: she stops at every painting and reads the museum placard
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: and sort of takes it in and breaks it down
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: and cries softly cries, and then comes to me while
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: she's crying and explains the meaning of the painting, right,
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: And each time I can't summon the feeling each time,
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: you know, I mean, it's like the Duomo. There's like,
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: we spent all day in there, and I at the
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: end of the day, we went out to dinner and
• 27:46
  Speaker 4: I was kind of like fed up, right, and she
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: she she was like, what's the matter, and I said,
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: I was like, it's just, you know, there's not enough
• 27:55
  Speaker 4: hours in the day for the amount of crying that
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: you got to do. I can't. And of course she
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: starts to tear up, and she's like, well, do you
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: just want me to pretend like I don't care? And
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: I was like, yes, yes, I want you to pretend
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: like you don't care, just for a just for an hour, please,
• 28:16
  Speaker 4: And so it became like a joke. Each time we
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: walked by a painting, she'd be like, I mean, who
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: gives a shit?
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: Right, yeah, but now look at you.
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: You're like, karma just landed on your doorstep, because now
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: you're crying all the time.
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: I know. I'm like, God, damn it, I've.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: Been seeing that happen a lot lately, like karma working
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: in real time. Like even if I think like a
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: nasty thought about someone, something will bite me right away
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: or I trip right away, and I'm like, oh, I go,
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: I might I must be so close to the surface
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: of like especially when it happens to other people too.
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: I was skiing the other day with this elderly woman
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: and she was a cunt, and she was like, I
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: think she was trying to rap. I didn't even want
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: to go skiing with her, but a friend of a friend.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: And then and then she blamed me, like she was
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: so unpleasant anyway, I was like, why am I spending
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: my day with her? And then she started she was
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: kind of racing me. And this is a woman in
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: her older sixties, and I'm like, she is she.
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: Racing to me right now?
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, am I Am I racing an elderly
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: And I started to step it up and I was
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: like going to race her back. And then I stopped
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: myself and said, no, no, this is so silly, stop it.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: What are you doing? And then she wiped out.
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: She wiped out so badly, and I couldn't help but laugh.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: I was like that you had that coming. That is karma.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: In a second.
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: You're sitting here trying to race someone on a mountain.
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: We're not racing, we're not fucking in the Olympics. We're
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: just on a regular day. So I kind of I've
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: been noticing that a lot lately, karma in real time,
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: and I'm enjoying it even when it happens to myself,
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: because it's a reminder, like, you know, you don't have
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: to like even if you have a negative thought about someone,
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: like you don't have to say it every single time.
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: You don't have to emote it, and sometimes it's better
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: to leave it inside. So I like it as a
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: reminder personally, and I like seeing it happen to others.
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah, although I do like when I have a negative
• 30:01
  Speaker 4: thought just texting it to someone immediately. I love. I
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: do love to.
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: That's what Matteo is. That's what Matteo is for.
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he's my receptacle for negative thoughts, I know, or
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: if I'm if I'm having a moment of shade and froud,
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: you know.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I like to share that. He's a good audience
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: for that.
• 30:19
  Speaker 4: He's perfect for it.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: I know, he's ridiculous.
• 30:22
  Speaker 4: Sometimes Matteo will just text me a name and I'll
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: just write pass.
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: Okay, we're back. All right, Catherine, what the fuck is happening?
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.
• 30:41
  Speaker 5: We have some parenting questions well, some having babies questions
• 30:44
  Speaker 5: because I figured they'd be perfect for you.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: Perfect. That's my wheelhouse.
• 30:48
  Speaker 5: We've got some DNA questions. We've got a whole bunch
• 30:51
  Speaker 5: of crazy questions. Dating, also dating. Her first question comes
• 30:55
  Speaker 5: from Janine. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm struggling with a
• 31:00
  Speaker 5: decision right now. I cannot decide whether or not to
• 31:03
  Speaker 5: find the identity of my biological grandfather. My father has
• 31:07
  Speaker 5: wanted to know who he is ever since he was
• 31:09
  Speaker 5: a boy and found out that my Grandpa was not
• 31:11
  Speaker 5: his biological dad. My grandmother refuses to tell him. In
• 31:16
  Speaker 5: a recent twist, we found out via DNA test that
• 31:19
  Speaker 5: his quote cousin is actually his complete biological sister. He
• 31:24
  Speaker 5: confronted my grandmother about it and now they aren't speaking.
• 31:27
  Speaker 5: The problem is my grandmother is obsessed with her image
• 31:30
  Speaker 5: and her social standing, not to mention, she's a total
• 31:32
  Speaker 5: bitch to my dad every chance she gets. My father's
• 31:35
  Speaker 5: half siblings have no idea about any of this. This
• 31:38
  Speaker 5: has left a huge hole in my dad's life. He's
• 31:40
  Speaker 5: always been so good to me, especially when I came
• 31:42
  Speaker 5: out being a lesbian when I was a teenager.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: I really want to find out.
• 31:46
  Speaker 5: For him, but I don't want to overstep his boundaries
• 31:48
  Speaker 5: or risk any more fighting than we already have on
• 31:50
  Speaker 5: that side of the family.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: What do you think I should do, Jinine.
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: I think you should just go for it. Don't worry
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: about all the drama. If you don't participate in drama,
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: you're not part of the drama. Your dad wants to
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: know where he's from, go help him, and forget about
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: your grandmother, like that's her own problem. Let her deal
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: with her own emotions, and you do the right thing
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: for your dad, which sounds like he wants that too,
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: So I don't think that's a I think.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: That's a no brainer.
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: I think everyone gets caught up in all the drama.
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: You don't have to participate in drama. You can just
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: do your thing and then extricate yourself from the situation
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: and let everything. Let the chips fall where they may,
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: as they say, Rosebud your thoughts.
• 32:26
  Speaker 4: I agree. I feel like people's opinions about you are
• 32:30
  Speaker 4: none of your business, and if you want to help
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: out your dad, go for it and let the chips
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: fall where they may. Like you said, like, it's just
• 32:40
  Speaker 4: just see what happens. You know, you could just sit
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: back and watch. You could enjoy it.
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, sit back exactly, Sit back, get some popcorn, and
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: just enjoy enjoy other people floundering.
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: But also the other thing is like your grandmother's saying,
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: your grandmother's really protective over her image.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: That's no one's problem but hers.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's her right.
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: So don't ever.
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: Feed into other people's pretend lives, pretentiousness, or their image,
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: you know, like that's that is their deal, and they
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: need to deal with that because the truth is what
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: the truth is, and that's going to affect them.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: However, it's gonna affect them.
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: Worst case scenario, what she has to accept who she
• 33:15
  Speaker 4: actually is at the end of her life. That sounds
• 33:18
  Speaker 4: like a pretty good payoff to me.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: I agree with you, actually.
• 33:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 33:24
  Speaker 5: The other thing is like I don't think you have
• 33:25
  Speaker 5: to advertise it, Like, just because you and your dad
• 33:27
  Speaker 5: are going to find this out, there's already plenty of
• 33:29
  Speaker 5: secrets that everybody else doesn't know about.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: Like, if you don't want to advertise, they don't have to.
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, when you're not in the argument, there's nothing to
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: argue about. Like, as long as you don't subscribe to it,
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: it's it diffuses, like if someone's yelling at you and
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: you're not saying anything back, eventually they're going to walk
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: away because there's nothing to argue about.
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: Right agreed?
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: Anyway, Wise words from the sagacious Chelsea joy Handler.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: Let's move on to the next question.
• 33:55
  Speaker 5: Moving on, Lauren says, Dear Chelsea, modern dating is hard
• 34:00
  Speaker 5: between the apps and meeting in person. It's all fun
• 34:03
  Speaker 5: and games until it's just the games. I'd love your
• 34:06
  Speaker 5: advice on when it's time to bring up what someone's
• 34:08
  Speaker 5: intentions are.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: I know it may seem.
• 34:10
  Speaker 5: Silly, like I could just be honest and ask someone,
• 34:12
  Speaker 5: But what I really mean is when you're dating someone
• 34:15
  Speaker 5: and you see potential but also don't want it to
• 34:17
  Speaker 5: be just another hookup or friends with benefit situation, how
• 34:21
  Speaker 5: do you casually bring this up without sounding crazy or
• 34:23
  Speaker 5: that you're trying to tie them down? And I don't
• 34:26
  Speaker 5: know if there's an answer to this, but how many
• 34:28
  Speaker 5: days before you sleep with someone that you see potential
• 34:30
  Speaker 5: with I'm no prude, but I don't want to be
• 34:32
  Speaker 5: just another notch in someone's bed.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: Post.
• 34:35
  Speaker 5: This back and forth with men walking in and out
• 34:36
  Speaker 5: of my life makes me wonder if I will ever
• 34:38
  Speaker 5: find someone that will stick around. One guy told me
• 34:41
  Speaker 5: he's ready to settle down, and then days later I
• 34:43
  Speaker 5: see him back on the dating apps looking for a
• 34:45
  Speaker 5: long term relationship and monogamy. The one after him, I
• 34:48
  Speaker 5: found out was a former cop that's sexually assaulted a
• 34:50
  Speaker 5: girl and has to register it as a sex offender.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: So, as you can tell, dating is quite.
• 34:54
  Speaker 5: The learning experience, which is why I'd like your advice.
• 34:57
  Speaker 5: Any advice would be amazing.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: Lauren.
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: Hi Lauren, Hi Lauren, Hi, good morning.
• 35:03
  Speaker 6: How are you.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: We're good? Thank you. This is Rose about our special
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: guest today.
• 35:07
  Speaker 4: Hi Lauren.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: She's a dating expert, so you're in good hands.
• 35:10
  Speaker 6: That's perfect. Nice to meet you. Good to see Catherine.
• 35:14
  Speaker 4: Hi.
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: Listen, there's a bunch of fucking assholes out there, but
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: that goes for women and men. And like, the dating
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: scene is so up and down and you shouldn't follow
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: any set of rules, is my personal opinion. You need
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: to listen to your gut and you need to listen
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: to like what you're interested in. Also, I feel like
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: so many times as young women, we are so programmed
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: to try to discern if the guy likes us, if
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: the guy wants to be with us. When's the right
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: time to sleep with him so that he'll speak to
• 35:42
  Speaker 3: us again and.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: We'll still and he won't he'll still respect us. It's like,
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: what do you want? What do you like? What are
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: you attracted to?
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: That we kind of marginalize our own feelings in exchange
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: for what we want to do to please men. And
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: I think you have to take it always back to yourself.
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: Who do you like? You know, when do you want
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: to sleep with someone?
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: There is no prescription of when it's a perfect timing,
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: because if you meet a guy who's great and you
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: have chemistry and you both like each other, you could
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: slip together right away and then spend the rest of
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: your life together.
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: Possibly.
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: There's no like, oh if I wait ten days and
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: he's gonna respect me more. I mean, I don't buy
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: into any of that. I think there you know, you know,
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: when you have chemistry with somebody, and I think setting
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: your intention as early as you want is fine, then
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: you're weeding out anybody who's going to waste your time.
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: You know why you don't have to wait five days
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: so because you're gonna scare them off. There's a way
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: to say what you're looking for without being desperate about it.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: There's a way to say, hey, how old are you?
• 36:38
  Speaker 6: I'm twenty eight.
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: Okay, there's a way to say, hey, I'm twenty eight.
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: I've dated a lot. I'm ready for whatever your history is.
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: I'm ready for something a little bit more substantial. So
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: I just want to make sure we're on the same
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: page even before you go out on a date. You know,
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: it may change after you go out on a date
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: and they'll say, you know, what they say may not
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: be true afterward. But all you can do is be honest,
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: outbound with your and your feelings, and then you're clean,
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean. Like, you're not playing games,
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: you're not doing anything wrong. Even if the first five
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: guys you might be interested in aren't reciprocating that or
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: don't end up being in your life. You have a
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: clear conscience because you're being very, very direct and kind
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: of self actualized about what you want, so to speak.
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: And I always think that reaps more dividends than anything else,
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: because then nobody can get confused.
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: You're clear, then they're clear.
• 37:30
  Speaker 6: Yeah, definitely, No. I think that's really good advice. And
• 37:32
  Speaker 6: I think I mean, I have been dating a lot
• 37:35
  Speaker 6: and I like to be very upfront and direct, but
• 37:38
  Speaker 6: sometimes I feel like, you know, I may get one
• 37:41
  Speaker 6: response and then their true color show later on. I
• 37:44
  Speaker 6: just feel like I keep running into these like situationships.
• 37:47
  Speaker 6: It seems like it's like this modern dating, whether it's
• 37:50
  Speaker 6: the apps or in person, and it's like it's exhausting,
• 37:54
  Speaker 6: you know, and that's part of dating. And I get
• 37:56
  Speaker 6: all of that, but I think it's hard to kind
• 37:59
  Speaker 6: of find that sometimes.
• 38:01
  Speaker 4: I think when you are like if you just do
• 38:05
  Speaker 4: what if you do what Chelsea does or what she's
• 38:08
  Speaker 4: promoting you do, which I think she also does in
• 38:11
  Speaker 4: her personal life. Is like if you just say this
• 38:15
  Speaker 4: is where I'm at, this is what I want. It
• 38:17
  Speaker 4: might not you might not be the right person for this,
• 38:20
  Speaker 4: but this is what I want. And if you're not
• 38:22
  Speaker 4: the right person for this, maybe we should go separate
• 38:25
  Speaker 4: ways now. And they say no, no, no, I am
• 38:28
  Speaker 4: this is what I want. This is you know, because men,
• 38:31
  Speaker 4: they're a lot of times I've noticed in my own
• 38:34
  Speaker 4: dating history that they'll lie and say something that they
• 38:37
  Speaker 4: think I want to hear the same way that I've
• 38:39
  Speaker 4: bent myself into different shapes hoping that I don't scare
• 38:43
  Speaker 4: them off. So I think we're all kind of like
• 38:46
  Speaker 4: programmed to do this to one another. But once you
• 38:49
  Speaker 4: get that information of like, oh he was lying because
• 38:52
  Speaker 4: he thought this is what I wanted to hear, and
• 38:55
  Speaker 4: you you just go, Okay, that's all the information I need.
• 38:58
  Speaker 4: I can move on to the next one. And you
• 39:00
  Speaker 4: don't get discouraged by that. I think that's a really
• 39:03
  Speaker 4: helpful attitude to have, of like, you have time, you
• 39:07
  Speaker 4: know what I mean, you have all the time in
• 39:08
  Speaker 4: the world. So to just say, like, all right, Like
• 39:12
  Speaker 4: when I met my now husband, I was we had
• 39:15
  Speaker 4: slept together on the first.
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: Night, I ainal they did ANAL.
• 39:20
  Speaker 4: We did ANAL on the first night. Yeah, when I
• 39:22
  Speaker 4: say slept together, it was hardcore anal. And and then
• 39:27
  Speaker 4: and I said to him like, look, I don't know
• 39:30
  Speaker 4: if you're the right person for me, but I do
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: know that I want to get married. So if you
• 39:36
  Speaker 4: aren't into that idea, we should start dating other people.
• 39:40
  Speaker 4: And he was like, well, I don't want to date
• 39:43
  Speaker 4: other people. And I said, okay, well, then you know
• 39:46
  Speaker 4: where I stand and you know where I'm at, and
• 39:49
  Speaker 4: if this gets serious, I just want you to know
• 39:52
  Speaker 4: I want to get married. So that's where I'm at,
• 39:55
  Speaker 4: and we can just keep going on as if this
• 39:58
  Speaker 4: conversation never even happened. But just know that's where I stand,
• 40:02
  Speaker 4: you know.
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: And know that the conversation did happen.
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, and then it ended up working out. But
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: like I wasn't even sure that he was the guy
• 40:11
  Speaker 4: for me when I told him that. I just knew
• 40:13
  Speaker 4: that that was what I wanted. So yeah, it was
• 40:16
  Speaker 4: like I had to put my own shame and feelings
• 40:20
  Speaker 4: about how he would feel about it totally aside. Like
• 40:23
  Speaker 4: I had to be like, I don't care what your
• 40:26
  Speaker 4: reaction is to this. In fact, the more honest your reaction,
• 40:30
  Speaker 4: the more information for me I can move forward just
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: by watching you react to this.
• 40:36
  Speaker 6: So I think that's a good way being true to
• 40:39
  Speaker 6: yourself and where you stand with things and how they
• 40:42
  Speaker 6: react is going to determine you know how or whether
• 40:45
  Speaker 6: you move forward with them. And it's almost better knowing
• 40:47
  Speaker 6: it that way than finding out maybe later on when
• 40:50
  Speaker 6: it fizzles out.
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: But they also the other thing is is like women,
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: especially in your twenties and your thirties, before you really
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: are like fortified in your self worth. I mean, you
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: seem like you have some self worth, so I like
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: to see that. But I also would like to say,
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: like that is a practice. You have to practice your
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: self worth, and by announcing to these guys or having
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: real adult conversations is a constant cementing of your self worth,
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: saying this is what I'm interested in, and if you're not,
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: that's fine too, but like, let's just be on the
• 41:17
  Speaker 3: same page.
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: And conversely, if the opposite.
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: Were true, I just had a conversation with a guy
• 41:21
  Speaker 3: where I'm like, listen, there's nothing serious happening here.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: This is wintertime.
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: I like having sex when I'm skiing and a lot
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: of fun, and it's over when.
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: I leave in March.
• 41:32
  Speaker 3: And he was like, wow, that's pretty harsh. I go, well,
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: you can take it as harsh, but that's where I am.
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: If it's not going to be you, it's going to
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: be another guy. I didn't say that part to him,
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: but that's what I was thinking, Like, yeah, you can
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: sign up for this program or but I'm never going
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: to be deceptive.
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: I'm never going to pretend.
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: I mean, you know, like if it does get serious, great,
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: but that's not my intention.
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: I'm not trying to get serious.
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: So and I think that works in all ways because
• 41:57
  Speaker 3: it's just a good reminder to yourself to always say
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: your truth, especially when dating, when guys can be you know,
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: these dating sites are filled with tons of assholes, so
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: you just have to know that going in. So it's like,
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: you know, if you get one good guy out of
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: ten dates, then that's what's out there. You know, every
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: ten dates you're gonna find somebody. Oh that's actually a potential,
• 42:16
  Speaker 3: but you know, if that's what you're after, that's kind
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: of what you have to do these days.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: And just know that nothing is.
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: Personal, Like who cares if someone doesn't like you move
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: on to the next guy. There are millions, billions of
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: men out there. Yeah, so just keep that and practice
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: the art of like self respect.
• 42:34
  Speaker 5: I think also there's an element of separating like could
• 42:38
  Speaker 5: this be something in the future and do you eventually
• 42:40
  Speaker 5: want a long term relationship slash marriage whatever? And being exclusive,
• 42:44
  Speaker 5: like I think you can find out if that's where
• 42:46
  Speaker 5: someone's end goal is that they want, you know, a
• 42:49
  Speaker 5: long term relationship and not necessarily be like we're a
• 42:52
  Speaker 5: boyfriend and girlfriend. We don't see anybody else right now,
• 42:55
  Speaker 5: until like you actually feel like you want that with
• 42:57
  Speaker 5: that person, right.
• 42:59
  Speaker 6: Yeah, and that's that's where I think, like what's hard
• 43:02
  Speaker 6: and you know, whether it's on the apps or just
• 43:04
  Speaker 6: in person, you know, when you start consistently seeing someone,
• 43:07
  Speaker 6: like when do you kind of define the relationship and
• 43:10
  Speaker 6: whin do you Whether it's not that I'm trying to
• 43:12
  Speaker 6: get married tomorrow, but you know, when you finally meet
• 43:16
  Speaker 6: someone you would like to, you know, see where things go,
• 43:19
  Speaker 6: it turns into this when do you have that conversation
• 43:23
  Speaker 6: and still staying true to yourself. But at that point that's.
• 43:27
  Speaker 4: I don't think you have to know that they're the guy.
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: You can also be clear like I'm not even sure
• 43:34
  Speaker 4: if this is you. You can say like I don't
• 43:37
  Speaker 4: know if it's you that I'm talking about, but I
• 43:40
  Speaker 4: know that this is what I'm looking for.
• 43:42
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: Yes, I like that a lot.
• 43:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, if you're not it, that's okay, I'm not I'm
• 43:47
  Speaker 4: just having this conversation for me because i want to
• 43:50
  Speaker 4: be clear about my intentions.
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that.
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: That's good.
• 43:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: And also you know, like everyone is always looking for
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: a timeline, Like it's different for every relationship. When you're
• 44:00
  Speaker 3: post to you know, sometimes it's mutual. Sometimes it's them,
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: sometimes it's you, and not trying to control the outcome
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: of something before it begins is a nicer, easier way
• 44:09
  Speaker 3: to go through everything, you know, not trying to say, okay,
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: by six months, I have to be engaged. But this
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: is like that kind of hard line thinking doesn't allow
• 44:18
  Speaker 3: for fun and spur of the moment, like a jouis
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: de vie that you kind of want to implement into
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: your dating life. Because you are only twenty eight, you
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: could have like three or four loves before you meet
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: the guy you know you could have, and like, wouldn't
• 44:31
  Speaker 3: you want that?
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: I want that for you.
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: I want you to have a lot of different guys
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: to like experience, so that when you're ready to really
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: ready to settle down, you settle down. And that could
• 44:40
  Speaker 3: be your intention the whole time, but it's nice to have,
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: you know, the more experience you get, the better.
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: In my opinion, Yeah.
• 44:47
  Speaker 6: Yeah, definitely. I think through dating it's like I'm figuring
• 44:50
  Speaker 6: out more of the things that I don't want and
• 44:52
  Speaker 6: honestly more about myself and what I do. So I
• 44:55
  Speaker 6: think that's a good way to look at it, not
• 44:58
  Speaker 6: rushing things and just kind of you know, going with
• 45:01
  Speaker 6: the flow a little bit and having some fun.
• 45:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and having fun right, Like, some people aren't going
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: to be your boyfriends. They're just going to be like
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: a casual guy for two months, and that's fun as
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: long as you're not you know, it has to end
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: with this result, Like you can have fun with all
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: sorts of different people in different ways.
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, men do it, and you know, I feel
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: like not enough women do that.
• 45:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: No, it's not the same standard.
• 45:24
  Speaker 4: It needs to be about our pleasure. If they're not
• 45:27
  Speaker 4: going to make it their number one priority, then we
• 45:30
  Speaker 4: have to, you know what I mean. And I feel
• 45:33
  Speaker 4: like we have to anyway, regardless of what they do.
• 45:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I spent so many times in my
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: twenties and thirties, a little bit in my thirties faking orgasms,
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: faking like just pleasing men. I mean, and now I'm like,
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: I don't even give a shit if you come, just
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: go down on me and we'll talk about it if
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: this leads to something else, Like I.
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: Am so selfish now I don't even.
• 45:53
  Speaker 3: Fucking care, you know, Like that it's a complete role
• 45:57
  Speaker 3: reversal of the way I was in my twenties. So yeah,
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: just from remember that when you sit down with a man,
• 46:01
  Speaker 3: do you like him?
• 46:03
  Speaker 4: Not?
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: Does he like you?
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 46:04
  Speaker 5: On that first second third date, like you know, ask
• 46:07
  Speaker 5: yourself like is he even worth having? The sort of
• 46:09
  Speaker 5: like DTR defining the relationship dog with and the answer map.
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: You know, on the first second third date and then
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: you're on the next year.
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: Wow, DTR. That was quick, Catherine. Is that some lingo
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: that I don't know about? DTR?
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: The DTR?
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: Have the DTR sounds like d M e T D
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: five d M e O T which is frog venom.
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: I've been haled have the DTR. Okay, well, we're gonna
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: send you off.
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: Good luck with everything, and remember self worth, self value,
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: self respect, start there.
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: And then move on out. Thank you.
• 46:37
  Speaker 6: Well, I'm excited you're coming to LA I'm going to
• 46:39
  Speaker 6: try to make it out to your show.
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: Oh yes, the YouTube theater May eleventh. That's going to
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: be a fun show. Yes come.
• 46:45
  Speaker 6: Thank you so much for all of your guys' advice.
• 46:47
  Speaker 6: I'll definitely keep it in mind as I continue the process.
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: Okay, well, good luck and I'm sure you'll be very successful.
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: Thank you, Bye, bye, Laurence, Bye, give me your Doug.
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: I want to show you Doug. But he's so fucking
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: big I can't even lift him up. I threw my
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: back out yesterday taking him to the dog park. And
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: then I get to the dog park and there was
• 47:06
  Speaker 3: this guy who's like, there's a massive dog.
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: And he's like, hey, is it okay to take my
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: dog off leash? And I'm like, well, it's an awfu
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: leash dog park?
• 47:13
  Speaker 3: So why are you asking? He goes, do you have
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: any snacks on you? I go, why what would happen
• 47:16
  Speaker 3: if I do?
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: I need that full? What's?
• 47:19
  Speaker 3: And I said what kind of dog is that? He goes, Oh,
• 47:20
  Speaker 3: he's half wolf. I'm like, we're leaving half wolf?
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: Fuck off?
• 47:25
  Speaker 4: That's so La.
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: I'm in Whistler, so oh.
• 47:29
  Speaker 4: They have they have half wolves in Whistler and I.
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: Don't see wolves in La. Do you Is that allowed?
• 47:35
  Speaker 4: I feel like people would find find a loophole out there.
• 47:39
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's actor dogs. You can have I think up
• 47:42
  Speaker 5: to a half wolf.
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: I had a neighbor. I'd one neighbor. If you're an actor,
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: well the dog is an actor.
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: Oh wait, actors got to have wolves, but civilians don't.
• 47:55
  Speaker 4: I wouldn't even blink an eye if that was the rule.
• 47:57
  Speaker 4: I'd be like that, I does that make sense? Yeah?
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it is illegal to own a coyote.
• 48:02
  Speaker 5: And I also had a neighbor that owned a coyote
• 48:04
  Speaker 5: and I was like, wow, looks like they're like, yeah, yeah,
• 48:07
  Speaker 5: don't tell anyone.
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god.
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: You should have reported them right away. I have no
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: problem telling on people all the time.
• 48:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 48:14
  Speaker 5: Well, our last question today comes from r That's it
• 48:19
  Speaker 5: r just our, just our.
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: We could give her a name.
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: It's Rachel, It's me Remedial, It's me Rose, It's.
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: From rosebud Hi, Chelsea. I actually could be for you.
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: Giving yourself advice. You wrote into yourself so you could
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: give your self advice.
• 48:37
  Speaker 5: I'm listening to your episode with Elise Loanan and she
• 48:39
  Speaker 5: just asked you about pushing through your fears. I love
• 48:42
  Speaker 5: this idea under most circumstances, but my fear about having
• 48:45
  Speaker 5: a second child seems like one that I'm not sure
• 48:48
  Speaker 5: is worth pursuing. A little backstory. I got pregnant with
• 48:51
  Speaker 5: my daughter in March twenty twenty. Whoops, being a mom
• 48:54
  Speaker 5: is all I ever wanted. With all of what twenty
• 48:57
  Speaker 5: twenty took from literally everyone, it really cast an insane
• 49:00
  Speaker 5: toll on my mental health while being pregnant. After my
• 49:03
  Speaker 5: daughter was born, my postpartum depression and anxiety skyrocketed. I
• 49:07
  Speaker 5: resisted medication at first and was talking to a therapist. Finally,
• 49:10
  Speaker 5: after the darkest year of my life, I got on
• 49:12
  Speaker 5: medication and really came into my own I still struggle
• 49:15
  Speaker 5: here and there, but my daughter is now two and
• 49:17
  Speaker 5: a half and I'm having the time of my life.
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: Here's the thing.
• 49:21
  Speaker 5: I'm terrified of the idea of having a second child.
• 49:25
  Speaker 5: I'd always wanted multiple kids before, no less than three,
• 49:28
  Speaker 5: no more than five. What when I read that now,
• 49:31
  Speaker 5: I can't believe I ever said that and really thought
• 49:34
  Speaker 5: that's what I wanted with all my heart. I feel
• 49:36
  Speaker 5: like a completely different person after what I went through.
• 49:39
  Speaker 5: Do I accept the realities of my first experience and
• 49:42
  Speaker 5: move forward with a new perspective on my future, or
• 49:44
  Speaker 5: do I push through my fears of having a second
• 49:47
  Speaker 5: child because I can trust that I can get through
• 49:49
  Speaker 5: the hardship I might endure for longer term. Joy I
• 49:52
  Speaker 5: hear your voice saying, don't have a child unless you're
• 49:54
  Speaker 5: one hundred percent positive. But I'm struggling with knowing which
• 49:57
  Speaker 5: of my voices to listen to. Thanks for reading are.
• 50:02
  Speaker 3: I don't think having a second child is pushing through fear.
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: When I talk about pushing through fear, I'm talking about
• 50:07
  Speaker 3: like daring yourself to like do stuff that you're not
• 50:11
  Speaker 3: comfortable with. This fear is actually like based in what
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: your experience was, like you had a reaction after having
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: a child. But I do think that having been through
• 50:23
  Speaker 3: it and surviving it, which I know nothing about, I
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: want to be very clear, I don't I think once
• 50:29
  Speaker 3: you survive something, then it seems a lot more reasonable
• 50:33
  Speaker 3: to expect that you will survive it again. So if
• 50:37
  Speaker 3: having a child is so important to you, I would
• 50:39
  Speaker 3: say go for it.
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: But I wouldn't frame it as pushing through your fears.
• 50:43
  Speaker 3: I would frame it as getting to the end goal
• 50:46
  Speaker 3: of like long term happiness and having the family that
• 50:49
  Speaker 3: you even desired many years ago when you wrote down
• 50:51
  Speaker 3: how many kids you wanted to have. I think that
• 50:54
  Speaker 3: you should go for it because you know what it is,
• 50:56
  Speaker 3: and while it might not be, it may not even
• 50:59
  Speaker 3: happen the second time, and what happened to you the
• 51:00
  Speaker 3: first time, and even if it does, you survived it.
• 51:04
  Speaker 3: So there's really like if you really want the kid.
• 51:07
  Speaker 3: That's the question, do you want a second child? And
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: if the answer is yes, I would say, go for it.
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: She survived it, and she's got the tools now too.
• 51:15
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: It's just that evolution and the therapy.
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: Rosebud, what about you, God.
• 51:19
  Speaker 4: I'm like, that's just like a hard question for someone
• 51:23
  Speaker 4: else to answer. I feel like that's such a personal
• 51:28
  Speaker 4: choice that I don't know, I truly, because I'm in
• 51:33
  Speaker 4: the same position where it's like, I mean, I would
• 51:36
  Speaker 4: be I don't want a second kid, but it would
• 51:39
  Speaker 4: be terrifying to me if I did want one, it
• 51:44
  Speaker 4: would be terrifying to choose to do it. And I
• 51:48
  Speaker 4: know what she means by I don't know which voice
• 51:50
  Speaker 4: to listen to, because that's how I felt before I
• 51:53
  Speaker 4: had my first kid, was I was like, I don't
• 51:55
  Speaker 4: it's it scared the shit out of me having a kid,
• 51:58
  Speaker 4: and for good reason, it is terrify and life changing,
• 52:01
  Speaker 4: and you do feel like a totally different person. And
• 52:04
  Speaker 4: I think if there's anything that I could say, it's like,
• 52:10
  Speaker 4: just take a minute to yourself to really work through
• 52:15
  Speaker 4: how much you want this, you know, because if you
• 52:18
  Speaker 4: really want this and you're just scared. I agree with Chelsea,
• 52:24
  Speaker 4: like you have the tools, you've done it before, you
• 52:28
  Speaker 4: can do it again, and if you don't, you'll find
• 52:31
  Speaker 4: that out. But I think it's going to take to me.
• 52:33
  Speaker 4: It sounds like a little bit like you're still unsure
• 52:36
  Speaker 4: just from the question. So I would say it's okay
• 52:40
  Speaker 4: to let to give time time and to just figure
• 52:45
  Speaker 4: out how badly you want this, you know, because I
• 52:49
  Speaker 4: think that's really what it comes down to, is like
• 52:52
  Speaker 4: how badly you want it. So I don't know if
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: that's an answer, but it's it's hard to answer a
• 52:58
  Speaker 4: question that's like such a personal choice, you know.
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and also sit with yourself, whether you meditate or not,
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: sit alone quietly. Like women, we have like a total
• 53:08
  Speaker 3: intuition and a total knowing when we actually allow ourselves
• 53:12
  Speaker 3: to like be very still, be very quiet and think
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: is this something that you're going to do? And your
• 53:18
  Speaker 3: body is going to tell you like you have to
• 53:20
  Speaker 3: you know, you really have to kind of get in
• 53:22
  Speaker 3: touch with yourself.
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: But it's not that hard. We have such strong intuitions
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: within ourselves.
• 53:28
  Speaker 4: I agree.
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: I would say to like really try to listen to
• 53:31
  Speaker 3: yourself and really just like sit with yourself for like
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: fifteen minutes every morning, just with your eyes closed and
• 53:37
  Speaker 3: thinking about what this means to you and if you're
• 53:39
  Speaker 3: ready and if you're ready to take this on, and
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: I bet you that you are.
• 53:43
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, And you know, I think if you're not
• 53:46
  Speaker 5: ready to move forward right now, you know, like Rosebud said,
• 53:49
  Speaker 5: it's not a question that has to be answered today,
• 53:51
  Speaker 5: but part of what keeps us spinning is not having
• 53:54
  Speaker 5: made the decision. So maybe just like put a pin
• 53:57
  Speaker 5: in it, be like, you know what, I'm not gonna
• 53:59
  Speaker 5: make a decision on this. I'm giving letting myself off
• 54:02
  Speaker 5: the hook for the next six months and then like
• 54:04
  Speaker 5: literally put on your calendar six months from now or
• 54:06
  Speaker 5: three months or a year or whatever. You think, Okay,
• 54:08
  Speaker 5: let's dive into this again. Let's think about this again,
• 54:11
  Speaker 5: and you know, give yourself a little bit of a break.
• 54:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah. I think with I was like torturing myself with
• 54:16
  Speaker 4: the question for so long about whether or not I
• 54:19
  Speaker 4: wanted to have a kid, and I think when I
• 54:23
  Speaker 4: finally did get pregnant, I thought, well, this is terrifying.
• 54:28
  Speaker 4: And while I'm very scared, I want this more than
• 54:31
  Speaker 4: I am scared of it, and I wanted there was
• 54:34
  Speaker 4: something even about the fear that intrigued me, So I
• 54:37
  Speaker 4: was like, I want to go into this just to
• 54:41
  Speaker 4: see what it does to me. I want to, like,
• 54:45
  Speaker 4: I want to be changed, and I want to experience
• 54:50
  Speaker 4: all of this, even if it's horrifying. And that kind
• 54:55
  Speaker 4: of makes the fear not something to be avoided, but
• 54:58
  Speaker 4: something that you can kind of dive in two and explode.
• 55:02
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's well said Rosebud.
• 55:06
  Speaker 3: All right, well we're gonna take a break and we'll
• 55:09
  Speaker 3: come back to wrap things up. And we're back to
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: wrap things up with Rosebud Baker, Rosebud, what do you
• 55:19
  Speaker 3: have to say for yourself after the today's episode?
• 55:23
  Speaker 4: Just that I love you and this was fun and
• 55:27
  Speaker 4: I can't wait to see you again. It's been way
• 55:29
  Speaker 4: too long.
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 55:30
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 55:31
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna get an apartment in New York. I'm just
• 55:32
  Speaker 3: waiting for my wrap. Yeah, totally. I tried to get
• 55:36
  Speaker 3: one but then someone else got it, so but I'm trying.
• 55:38
  Speaker 3: I need to live in New York for sure, so
• 55:41
  Speaker 3: I will see you at some point. And I can't
• 55:43
  Speaker 3: wait to see you either.
• 55:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you need to come to New York. It feels
• 55:46
  Speaker 4: like everyone in LA's brain is melting. It's so scary
• 55:48
  Speaker 4: it guys.
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: Really yeah, I agree with that.
• 55:50
  Speaker 3: There's a real no, there's a real lack of stimulation
• 55:53
  Speaker 3: in La.
• 55:54
  Speaker 4: Something's going on over there. It's dark.
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: It's like Rosebud.
• 55:58
  Speaker 3: You are always a delight, Catherine. Thank you everyone who
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: called in. Thank you, and thank you to our listeners.
• 56:05
  Speaker 3: Good times, good times, everybody.
• 56:06
  Speaker 4: Thanks for having you.
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: Chilse okay, take care of Resbude. Okay.
• 56:11
  Speaker 3: So, Chelsea Handler is my name, and comedy is my game.
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: Comedy and therapy. There are my games. I'm sorry I misspoke.
• 56:18
  Speaker 3: I have added more shows. I added a second show
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: in Vancouver, so I have two shows in Vancouver March
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: twenty ninth March thirtieth, I am coming to Calgary, Victoria, Colowna.
• 56:29
  Speaker 3: Then I've added another show in Sydney, Australia on July thirteenth.
• 56:33
  Speaker 3: So I have two shows in Sydney July twelfth and thirteenth.
• 56:36
  Speaker 3: For other shows in Australia and New Zealand, go to
• 56:38
  Speaker 3: Chelseahandler dot com.
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: And I've added two.
• 56:41
  Speaker 3: Shows in Oklahoma, Norman, Oklahoma on May third, and one
• 56:46
  Speaker 3: in Thackerville, Oklahoma, which is May fourth, and then I'll
• 56:50
  Speaker 3: be at the YouTube Theater May eleventh and Los Angeles
• 56:53
  Speaker 3: with Matteo Laine and Vanessa Gonzalez and Fortune Fimester and
• 56:57
  Speaker 3: Sam Jay.
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: Those are my updates and no more shows are coming,
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: so pay attention.
• 57:02
  Speaker 5: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
• 57:05
  Speaker 5: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
• 57:08
  Speaker 5: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
• 57:11
  Speaker 5: and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and
• 57:14
  Speaker 5: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
• 57:17
  Speaker 5: com