Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You Are in a Toxic Workplace
Transcript
- Lucas: Let's talk about something a lot of people quietly deal with — trying to find a mentor when you're in a toxic workplace. Luna: That is such a common problem. You're supposed to 'find a mentor' at work, but what if your work is the problem? Lucas: Exactly. And the standard advice — look for someone senior in your organization — can backfire if the culture is dysfunctional. A listener named Priya wrote in about this. She's a marketing manager at a large retailer where the environment is competitive and cutthroat, and she was terrified that any conversation with a senior leader could be used against her. Luna: And that's real. In a toxic culture, even asking for mentorship can feel like a vulnerability. Lucas: So the first principle here is: don't rely on your current employer as your only source of mentorship. Priya found her solution outside the building. She joined a professional association for retail marketers, started attending their virtual meetups, and eventually connected with a marketing director at a different company who became her mentor. They meet once a month over Zoom. Luna: And that relationship is safe because there's no overlap in their organizations. Lucas: Right. She's not worried about gossip, not worried about performance reviews. And that external perspective actually helped her realize her workplace wasn't just 'hard' — it was genuinely toxic. Her mentor helped her see patterns she'd normalized. Luna: And if we're talking about the value of this show for people navigating those kinds of decisions — a couple of dollars a month from listeners is what genuinely keeps these conversations going, ad-free. If Priya's story or anything we've discussed has helped you think about your own career, you can support the show at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: Yeah, it makes a real difference. So back to Priya — she built what I'd call a 'mentorship circle' outside her company. She also reached out to two alumni from her MBA program who worked in different industries. One became a sponsor, advocating for her in job interviews later on. Luna: So she ended up with a network that was actually more diverse than if she'd just found a mentor at her own company. Lucas: Exactly. And there's research that backs this up. A study from the Harvard Business Review found that people with mentors outside their organization reported higher career satisfaction and lower burnout, especially in high-stress environments. But the key is active outreach — you have to be intentional. Luna: So what's your advice for someone listening who's in a toxic workplace right now, but doesn't know where to start? Lucas: First, identify the spaces where people in your field gather. Professional associations are great, but also look at industry-specific LinkedIn groups, Slack communities, or even Twitter chats. For example, there's a community called 'Women in Marketing' that runs mentorship circles. Priya found her first mentor through a similar program. Luna: And what about vetting? How do you know if an external mentor is actually safe and trustworthy? Lucas: Good question. Start with a low-stakes conversation. Maybe a 20-minute informational interview. Pay attention to how they talk about their own career — do they take responsibility for their choices, or do they blame others? Also, ask about their mentoring style. Do they respect confidentiality? A good mentor will set clear boundaries upfront. Luna: I'd add that you can also look for mentors who have experience in toxic cultures themselves. They'll understand your situation without you having to explain everything. Lucas: That's a great point. Priya's mentor had worked at a toxic company early in her career, so she recognized the red flags immediately. She helped Priya reframe her experience as data, not as a personal failure. That's the kind of perspective you can't get from someone inside the same building. Luna: And we should mention that sometimes people stay in toxic jobs because they feel they have no options. A mentor can help you see the exit. Lucas: Absolutely. In Priya's case, her mentor helped her prepare for interviews and eventually she left for a healthier company. But the mentorship didn't end there — they still talk monthly. Now Priya is mentoring someone else in a similar situation. Luna: That's the multiplier effect. So the takeaway is: if your workplace feels unsafe, don't stop seeking mentorship — just look outside. Lucas: Right. And there are practical steps you can take today. Join one professional group, send three LinkedIn messages to people in your alumni network, or sign up for a mentorship platform like Mentorloop or SCORE. The worst that happens is you get a 'no' — but the best case is you find someone who changes your career trajectory. Luna: And if you're worried about being too junior or not having anything to offer — remember, mentors often want to give back. They're not looking for a transaction, they're looking for someone who's curious and motivated. Lucas: That's the key. When Priya reached out, she didn't ask for a job or a favor. She asked for advice on a specific marketing challenge. That made it easy for the mentor to say yes. Luna: So be specific. Don't say 'will you be my mentor?' Say 'I'm working on X, and I'd love your perspective on Y.' Lucas: Exactly. And one more thing — if you're in a toxic workplace, protect your emotional energy. Don't trauma-dump on a new mentor. Keep the conversation focused on your growth, not on venting about your boss. That builds trust. Luna: Good advice. Priya's story shows it's possible to find guidance even in a bad situation, if you're strategic about where you look. Lucas: And that's really what this episode is about — not giving up on mentorship, but being smart about how and where you find it. If your workplace is toxic, the best mentor might be a continent away, not in the corner office.